Monday, March 31, 2014

BANK ROBBERY & THE GOSPELS as considered by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Now, It was very late in the game before I realized, -and only because I was directly told, that the gospels: matthew, mark, Luke & john.. Were each eyewitness testimonies to Jesus presence in the world..  4 different peoples points of view about the same person..Jesus.   Oh! I re-read them with great interest after learning that.   -this past sunday, pastor mike spoke on the very topic. "Don't apparent inconsistencies in the Bible demonstrate that it is not reliable?"

Well, I leaned over and whispered in my daughters ear... 

"..the bank robbery.  -you've got my memories, sue-sue's memories, and Steve's memories..  Same bank robbery. 3 different perspectives based on where we were..  There are several discrepancies!  -but i'll tell you what I know for sure.. And so will anyone who reads the stories

-there WAS a bank robbery.

In this way..  I don't get hung up at all about discrepancies in the gospels between matthew, mark, Luke & john..

What I know from reading, and believing: "there WAS a Jesus here on earth.."

our bank robbery eye witness testimonies, written many years after the event, are here in my blog under a post called shady characters.

Fascinating to me on many levels...  Amen!

IN THE WORKS... @ (ricks picks!)

Speaking of inclined to ponder.. By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Two thumbs + battles w/auto-change-my-word-without-asking-feature; but anyway..

Dear brain initiative subcommittee: we are going on a field trip! Yes.. First stop: local elementary school.  Select a 6 year old.  S/he is going with us..  First to my Church, then a local grocery store, a park and then the library.  In each of these locations in pleasanton, California, we will present the child and ask anyone -anyone- to just walk up to, and hit/physically abuse the child on command.  No suspense -here.   No one will do it.  No one can do it. No one can just go physically abuse a child..  They are incapable of such an act.  And I would further venture to say, that even the homeless starving mom/child begging for food outside of Walgreen's..  Even if that very needy mom was offered food, shelter..  She could not go hurt the child in exchange for...   In fact, very, very large populations of people are quite literally, -incapable- of inflicting violence on anyone else, let alone an Innocent child.  So, it is as important to ask, "what makes a person incapable of physically abusing/hurting a child?". -as it is to ask what makes a person capable.    The goal of course is that everyone be incapable...   What Ingredients?   Plug in your FMRI machines...

Speaking of my charlie rose..!.. By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

No, I'm not going to tell you AGAIN about how my (former) handsome prince helped me meet, kiss-on-the-neck, and get a picture with him.  /although I won't stop you if you want to re-read it..

But! I want to also mention his awesome interview with (former) president jimmy carter..

If my life does not get cut short.. (Awareness heightened by life experience/PTSD)  -this IS the work I will be doing.. My guess is in about 6 years from now /unless God directs me sooner.. His will; not my own:

I will go help rescue women/men/children from human trafficking.  I, with my whole heart agree, with jimmy carter.. (Paraphrase)

"It is the greatest human rights problem of our time"

And I repeat..  Slavery has not been abolished; it thrives under this new name: human trafficking.  -sex slaves.  

I can't think of anything more hideous.

Now.. My current spiritual GPS system says not to make this move until both of my own children are thriving in college..

And I've mentioned it before.. How utterly devastating to know, that 5 or 6 years from now.. I have no doubt they will still need me.

But! My dream..  And "I too have a dream!".  -to put an end to this violation of human rights.    I will contribute! To putting an end..   For (me!), I say this in Jesus name..  Amen.

JUMPSTARTer by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I'll am likely to explode I have so many topics I want to write about.. That is, -blog- about.  Let me see if I can organize:
1. "Thank you.. BIG THANK YOU!" To my most awesome brother for sending (me!) A computer! For my birthday! ..I was so proud of myself for figuring out how to connect the mouse, the monitor and my -feels-like-my-very-own-custom-made-keyboard to the computer.. But! No one knows yet how to connect it to the internet.. So there it sits while I blog again with two thumbs on my fancy phone.  I can't wait! Though! To use that keyboard!

2.  How many great Interviews in a row? charlie rose... I could write and write and write but let me just mention the kickstarter dot com entrepreneur.  My favorite issue he shared:  something about how, "the only ideas that get money are the ones that are going to make someone else money".   -and so I practically stood on my chair.. "Yes!  Doesn't ANYONE do things anymore just because it would be a super cool thing to do?   -every idea, it seems, has to prove itself monetarily profitable..   When I've known all along, that there are many superior ways to profit over money... That's just one of many. Charlie mentions often, 'psychic' currency.  -when something gratifies your soul, spirit, creative vision, social need vs. Bank account.  I'm a huge understander/believer: as I'm sure can be demonstrated by my long resume of non-$-profit but very high returns in other ways creative adventures: movers & shakers creative dance classes/recitals; good neighbors holiday boutiques; recycled art creations & classes;  diapers to diapers exhibit; and a shit load, as they say, of writings... Photography, dances, shows, workshops, classes, etc.  Which are high value to community/culture and little to no value to bank account.   -I could go on in more detail.. But two thumb typing prevents: so, let me cut to the irony: of how it is then discussed in said interview.. Just how profitable $$$ kickstarter is...  This website where cool but perhaps not monetarily profitable ideas can find a potential audience to fund their ideas..   (Same with impossible dot com?)  I have not yet visited either site; just listened with great interest to the interviews and so cannot distinguish.. But anyway

Here are my TWO .. Or I should say, here are Two of my many ideas I would love to have funded. -just because they would be so Rockin' /and with potential for traditional profits.. But guaranteed! To better the world

1. The heart seen dot com.   I do have a business plan which remains un-funded, but a vision which is very clear:

A website where people from all around the world share and archive their found heart photography.  Found hearts = heart shapes found in our day to day environment but which have NOT been created with human Intention.  -I know there are other collectors like me out there..  And received drew Barrymore's book for my birthday (both found hearts & made by humans). -but there does not yet exist one exclusive place... In cyber world.   They are here and there and everywhere within blogs, books, social media.. But one URL where you find and store them all...

ALSO..  When I wrote my poem about the most beautiful graph/census in the world.. I meant it.  "I mean it!".   How awesome, cool, Rockin' fascinating would that be?!! -to have a world graph which showed, NOT how many people of this race or that race, or this economic level, that economic level..  But! A population graph which showed how many people have what inclinations/passions/gifts in what geographic locations..  On a micro level.. Let's say I wanted to know how many poets, painters, singers live in pleasanton?  NOT how many have made businesses out of.. Not how many are extroverted enough to publically demonstrate..  Not how many can afford to take a class..  But! How many people have what gifts? Oh! I could die from my curiosity about this... But live to see it manifest...  It just should exist!  Every time I think of our traditional consensus mandated by government to determine allocations of funds..  Oh! Who cares what skin color? Nationality? Gender?...  Who takes to water like a fish? At what age?  What toddler uses Tupperware like a drum set and demonstrates musical gifts? Which people take things apart and try to figure them out? Put them back together? Improve designs?  Who is inclined toward numbers? Words? Both? Neither? Who likes to act?  Who shows great listening skills? Such a long list.. But how awesome would that be.. If we captured baseball players for example: not just the competitive/professional..  But everyone who enjoys the sport.  Let me ask that in my imaginary human gifts website search bar:

How many people in pleasanton enjoy playing baseball?  Recreational? Competitive? What position(s)?

Maybe with age ranges..  Genders?   

How many poets?






...  It is my opinion and vision and dream..  That GIFTS are what should really be counted!     .. The most beautiful graph in the world..

I can't close without mentioning how I know.. Many, many gifts will surface, some forcing us to create a whole new vocabulary. I have only mentioned commonplace..  But there are many.. Many.. Many..

How? Why?   If you like to ponder such things..

"See!".   Inclination to ponder...  One of my gifts.

Who can help me jumpstart

Saturday, March 29, 2014

The Heart Seen.. Outside of the pleasanton library, by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Friday, March 28, 2014

"Mixed media" a poem by (me!) Inspired by (sally haig! & julie finegan!)

GREAT TIME: last night/1,000 words exhibit.. Harrington gallery/firehouse art center..  To meet a couple of the artists in person.. To listen -and look,  at the variety of creative responses to this narrative themed exhibit, from poetry to photography to improv.. To be in the good company of what I often refer to as 'the cool people'

Hosted with generous style by julie Finegan.. Who until last night.. Was apparently a closet poet..  "Welcome! You are officially one of us.."

I loved everyone moving around in the gallery, collectively, to see which art inspired who to create what..   The energy!

Several people went out of their way to request julie "do this again!"
Myself among them..

"Thank you!".  /good experience/good memory file...  Car pool time gotta

Thursday, March 27, 2014

"Spiritual Laws" photo by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

-because they are applicable to all humans.. Spiritual laws. No one religion, faith system, race, class or gender can claim them as exclusively theirs...

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

3 New thresholds for (me!) Sandra, tvgp

1.). Spiritual:  before: inconsistent/high need prayers.  Now: 1st thing in the morning; last thing at night; all day in between.. In secular terms, I live like Jesus is my invisible best friend and use thought to communicate throughout the day; everyday; 365.  The essence of my prayers could easily be summarized in what I've written before: thank you! Help me! Wow!  /see also Ann lamott.


Things: before, boxes, boxes, drawers, bags.. Stuff, stuff, stuff.  Now: the less I have, the less I want to have. Light n' liberated.


Public speaking:  before: terror/dread. Now, -look forward to...

/never thought i'd see the day....

GIFTED HANDS starring (cuba gooding jr.!) Movie review by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Oh! This is so good, -so good! Several layers worth of good...

How can I get my kids to watch it?...  Maybe I could, on the sly, give it to the youth pastor..  And if HE..  Who the children love, respect and enjoy, -if he recommends it and maybe makes a teen movie night out of it.. Vs. (Me!)..  As in, Not-another-documentary-mom-no-way..   Well then .. I'll stand a chance. 

"I think everyone in the whole wide world should see this movie! Twice!".     -thats my review.


Also thank Megan here for: cloud atlas.  -confusing and therefore Intriguing.   Favorite line: "why do people keep making the same mistakes over and over?"

And the clay animation: max & Mary.. /or was it Mary & max?   -huge creative, highly engaging, visually delicious, cerebrally gratifying treat of a story

To (me!), it is the sum of all human existence; story.   We are at all times either living one, creating one, watching one, reading one, listening to one, or telling one...

"To stories!"

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

I AM A UTILITARIAN (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Perhaps it might be more accurate to say, 'use-a-tarian'.  -because I do believe in the value of beauty.. -using- beautiful things to enhance and elevate our environments.  That is, you can't -use- a painting to pour milk or turn on the electricity, but it can and does serve many other purposes.. Maybe a 'purpose-a-tarian'.   Maybe that's what I am..  I'll describe; you decide:

I have nothing, not one thing, against great wealth or outrageously expensive luxurious material things..  I see that gifted Individuals had to use their Imaginations, design, create, manufacture, improve/evolve..  Make manifest things which take enormous amounts of time, effort, energy, collaboration (I am against exploitation) .. Creativity, perseverance, on and on, etc. Etc:   and if and when those material things are actually USED; enjoyed; employed in some way..   I believe in that.   It is when people have multiple homes that sit empty... When we have so many people in great need... It is when people have cars, boats, airplanes.. That are just sitting there and never get used... When we have so many people in need...   I'm thinking now of my table top piano poem..  I myself have no sense of entitlement; no resentment toward financial success for anyone, whether it was earned or inherited..  But what does consistently make me uneasy inside is..  The unused material things.  There is no desire in me to take from the rich anything they are actually using, and give to the poor.  -but there is a great desire in me to inspire the rich to let go of anything they are not using..  And give that to someone who will use it; or sell that and be charitable with the money...  -for things that are just sitting there.. Never used, enjoyed or employed..   Dear rich people of the world: in this circumstance, you lose nothing; only gain.

Monday, March 24, 2014

PUBLIC "THANK YOU!" To (SAINT PATRICK!) From (me! & sarah!)

Sunday morning, march 23, 2014.  -redemption!


To my nephew (who declined the invitation to go 4 leaf clover hunting with me and his younger sister) I explained:

That when I was around 8 or 9 or 10 years old.. I had found a 4 leaf clover (that was good luck!).  But that same day I would enter an ice cream/candy store and trade my 4 leaf clover for...

A bag of peanut brittle!   Yes, that's write..  A bag of peanut brittle which anyone could find anywhere, any time.. 

I handed over the rare and wonderful for the plentiful and sweet.

It has remained all these hundreds of years later one of my biggest G-rated regrets.  I try not to be too hard on myself.. I was very young and literally born with a sweet tooth; my mom has pictures..  First word was 'cookie'

Anyway..  At that time I would have handed over a gold nugget for a chocolate bar because I had no understanding of how capitalism worked. I only knew that  -well, you can't eat a gold nugget now can you?

I have on occasion glanced through fields and patches of clovers over the years and have always come up empty.  I now know that is because I was missing two key ingredients:  my niece and prayer:

We held hands and I said, "repeat after me..". And she said "after me.".   -good, k

Me:  "oh! Saint Patrick.."

Sarah:  "oh! Saint Patrick"

Me: "help us find a four leaf clover today"

Sarah: "help us find a four leaf clover today"

Me: "in Jesus name! Thank you! Amen!"

Sarah: "in Jesus name! Thank you! Amen!"

And with that we headed over with our blanket to the greenbelt nearby and began our search... 

I was thinking to myself.. Well, I had recently watched the original of the movie, charlie and the chocolate factory.. In that search: for .. The golden ticket...  Well there was at least some knowledge that there were 5 golden tickets... -somewhere.

But we had no knowledge whether -somewhere- in this field there IS a 4 leaf clover...  We could easily be searching in vain, couldn't we..

This thought became more pronounced the longer we looked..

At some point we decided to move down the sidewalk road a little and set up a new camp..

That turned out to be a lucky move

"Say another Thank you! To St Patrick!".  -I found the first 4 leaf clover and now sarah knew exactly what they looked like

-its very easy to be fooled.. A 3 leaf clover with one pedal torn in two; which at first glance looks then like a 4 leafer..

And so often they are touching, overlapping, these clovers.  Several times a 4 leaf clover turned out really to be two clovers with one pedal looking like it belonged to the other clover..

But she did find the 2nd of what would would become a 3 4-leaf clover yield..

"1, 2, 3, 4!..  Its a real one auntie sandy!"

And we high-fived each other, and hugged and looked for more..

Its interesting how funny we become if and when we are in possession of a treasure.. Something really... Something -we perceive- as highly 


"Grab them!"  -sarah said, when she spotted a dog and his owner about 1/4 mile away..

And when we set them beside us, and accidentally moved them when we shifted on the blanket, "be very careful!" I said

And I would get all uneasy -the way she held them when I was trying to get a picture.. A mild fear that she was going to rip or tear one..

Did she understand how precious? Rare? Wonderful?   -she was just a bit too casual for my taste..

-this is how subtle the shift is; I realized and then shifted to make it fun again..

"Grandma's here!". -we saw her driving to the house and so decided to pack up after finding THREE.. And call it a day.   

I will not be trading even one for a bag of peanut brittle I can promise you.  They will be dried, and framed.    I feel very lucky to have learned a few lessons along the way.

"We Found, THREE! FOUR LEAF CLOVERS!" (Me!) And my niece, (sarah!)

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Good news! Shared by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

WHAT FREUD GOT WRITE, and what he didnt. According to (me!) Sandra, tvgp

The identification of ego.. -write.  Everything else:  not write.   But his understanding of the human mind allowed him to become a master manipulator.   And I intend to defend my thesis ...  One day....   Some day.   When time and circumstance allow...

Thursday, March 20, 2014

"I HIT THE LOTTERY @ RICKS PICKS!" (Me!) Sandra, tvgp

Not too long ago, another merchandising marathon. Re-did the entire home decor section. 7 hours on the earth clock; 1 hour as experienced by my brain.  Rick says, "looks awesome!". I tell him, "well, I love this work..".  Then I stop myself..  Realize I have to stop telling people -especially the owner, how much I like my job.  So I say that: "I know i'm not supposed to tell you that.. Am I?  I'm supposed to say, 'oh! My God.. I'm exhausted! I've been working my ass off all day..  Merchandising! Pricing! Customer service in between! Phone calls in between that! Plus clean up.. Breaking down boxes..   I should get a raise and promotion!".    /I know the game, I just hate playing it.    And I can't do things I hate.  So anyway, Rick caught on..  He goes, "that's something you have to do in the corporate world..  You're not in the corporate world".   To which I can only say, "thank you Rick! And thank you Jesus!". And I promise not to go on and on again.. I know it should be on the down low with so many people miserable at their jobs.. But it is the perfect match for my personality and skill set.. Everything: from sticking price tags on to data entry to creative merchandising and the upcoming arts/crafts addition..   And just recently a mom friend I visited with at my son's baseball game asked me if I also liked the people I work with.  "I hit the lottery on that one" I said.. Because I like, respect, admire every.single.person. in both stores..  Enjoy their company AND learn from their experience/talent..  Highly collaborative, way cool people..   "Thank you Jesus!" -amen.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

On a sleepless night in spring (II) by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

My mind Insisted on telling me a sad story.  "It will help you fall asleep," she promised.  And so I agreed to listen, -but with my eyes closed.

"There was a lost and lonely man of middle age," she began, "who did not know even one relative.  His parents died early and did not leave him anything in the way of monetary, spiritual, or factual information." She explained.  

That is a sad story, I said to my mind

She continued to tell me about how he lived in the early 21st century, so in order to put an end to the haunting questions, 'who am I? Why am I here? Where am I headed'.  -all he had to do was invest some time and resources into hiring a professional genealogist and the answers would come...

The internet did make that kind of thing much easier than before, I confirmed with my mind.

"So," she said, "he invested all kinds of time filling out forms, and spent all kinds of money to have his ancestry researched"

"What did he learn?" I Inquired,  -awake, but still with my eyes closed.

"He was given a very old black and white picture of two men and one woman, who he was told was his great, great, aunt and her brother, his uncle, and her husband.   And we studied the picture very closely.. Which he did often and with a magnifying glass..  Yes! He could see a resemblance!   It was expensive and took a long time, but it was well worth it! To finally feel connected to his past..  It gave him a new confidence in the present.  He felt..  More grounded one might say."

That doesn't seem so sad...  His longing was fulfilled, I said to my mind.

"I'm not done." She whispered,

"His new found confidence allowed him to date for the very first time since.. Too long to remember. ".  She said,

"And she breaks his heart," I concluded

"No," she said smiling, "that's not how this ends"

She went on to describe a beautiful, although quite typical, courtship:  phone calls, emails, texts.. And an eventual in person date that went so well..   She invited him to her home for you know...

"A nightcap" I said to my mind, with my eyes still closed and a smile on my face.

"Yes," she confirmed, "a nightcap".   -both of us knowing what that really meant.

"The next morning," she continued, "in the light of a new day, as he walked down her hallway toward the kitchen, to his utter amazement, shock and disbelief and confusion..  He saw hanging on her wall, the exact same picture as was sitting on his fireplace mantel:   his! HIS great, great aunt, great, great uncle, her brother and her husband..  HIS relatives"

-this is not like some family/incest story is it?! I said to my mind.. Because I have no Interest.  -the smile gone from my face.

"No," she promised..  And went on to tell me about their next date.. Where they each discovered they had each spent over $4700 to a fraudulent genealogist and were provided false information and fake pictures."

"But for the time they did believe..." I said to my mind..

"Yes." She said..  

"You're write,"  I said to my mind,  -that story is very sad and on several different levels.  I'm going to try and get some sleep now.

"Not so fast," she said,  "type it now, or it's gone forever after."

The end.

Q: "what nationality are you?" By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

My sister reminded me recently about how we dreaded that question in our youth. -reason being, everyone else seem to have a solid answer that would roll off their tongue, and we never actually -knew.  Ask two different parents; get two different vague answers, which seemed to change if and when we asked again.  Truth is, I don't think they really knew..  So, 'heinz 57' became the standard reply..  Colloquial term borrowed from whatever kind person thought it up first..  'A big mix.. 57 different nationalities; american muts'.  -now, we've since traced a lot of irish..  Indian, French..  And lots more..But I have always also known, not by blood but by observation, that I have Italian in me. I learned this in the fourth grade when the principal stopped me mid-sentence and said, "sandy I want you to sit on your hands".  -and when I did..  I couldn't talk anymore in complete sentences, -only stutter.  I need my hands to talk.  Word on the street was that Italians talk with their hands..  So obviously then I must have Italian in me.  I also learned along the way that I must be part black.  I learned this first when I was at the movies.. And the white audience sat so quiet and still.. But the black audience would get all involved in the story and talk out loud to the screen..  I'll never forget the first time i was told to 'shhhhh' at the movies.. 'You are not my people' I thought to myself.. 'They are!'. And so that's how I knew I was part Italian and part black.. But I had this confirmed at church and on the dance floor..  I also remember in elementary school being taught about the spirituality of the native Indians.. How they respected the land and each other and how they were dominated by the 'white man' with guns.  In those stories I always related better with the Indians..  I believe in rain dancing and honoring spirits.. So really, I figured things out on my own along the way: I am part Italian, part black, part Indian.  I learned I was part Asian during a stroll at a flea market..  My white friends/family always dressed me in matching clothes that were 'in season'.  It never much mattered to me.. Well,  that is a bit of an exaggeration... What happened is that I observed that this was VERY IMPORTANT to my friends and family, and so it better become important to me too..  But at the flea market I saw a beautiful Asian Woman..  She was wearing striped pants that in no way complemented or matched her print blouse. The colors did not match, the patterns each did their own thing..  And yet she seemed as happy as could be.   So even if my family didn't know officially via professional genealogy research or DNA tracking.. I knew I was part asain too.  Italian, black, Indian, Asian...  The O'Riley sir name would lock in my irish heritage..  And the fact I love beer and green is my favorite color..  But -keeping my arms still when I dance? If I can't talk without my hands it only stands to reason that I cannot dance without my arms.. The same thing happens: my feet can't move only stutter..  So that helped me start figuring out percentages: like I must be only half irish...   Also, I shared some kind of connection.. Unexplained but profound the first time I saw Russell crowe on the big screen...  And I knew!  In that magical, I ntuitive, mysterious way,  that -whatever he is; I am that too.   What is he?  Anyway..  One day we will make this all scientifically valid..  And all that..  But I know I have relatives from Spain!  And Russia..  And based on my reaction to certain climates: I am Hawaiian..  Took to the hula like a coconut to the tree.. Plus, its what I was designed for; to be cracked open.    -what about you?  If I pick your brain for your thoughts instead of your finger for blood; who are you? Who are your people?

EMBARRASSING MOMENT #9753 for (me!) Sandra, tvgp

So I'm lookin at my blog post history on my phone (which is still relatively new to me.. Not my blog but my phone) and I go, "three quarters published?  Why isn't the whole thing published? Which 1/4 isn't there?".   -and then ..  Well, I looked up and down realized, oh!  "I published that on march 4th!".    -you just never know with technology these days, do you...

Friday, March 14, 2014

"Wedding crashers" photo by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Thursday, March 13, 2014

THE HEART SEEN.. On the franklin heirloom bride doll..

They will always be my favorites.. The unexpected.. Unintended.. Only seen from 1 specific angle and distance.  -that's what happened at ricks picks yesterday.. I was re-merchandising the front window..  Out with the variety of pottery and in with exclusively franklin heirloom porcelain dolls..  I set the bride down for just a minute.. And as I walked back up to get her..  "Look at that heart!".   -just perfect, -just so...   Write in the fold and lace of her bridal gown veil. But take one step closer.. -and gone.   Any other angle or distance.. Nothing.   Only noticeable from exactly where I stood.

PICTURE TREASURES for ( me!) Sandra, tvgp

My niece had the day off from school, I had the day off from work..  So to grandma's house we go...    And has been true for as far back as I can remember; remains true today: my favorite way to spend the day.. Looking through my mom's albums, scrapbooks, and box of random pictures..  Oh! Elementary class photos!- to see how many faces I can still put a name to... "Mr crist!"  my favorite, favorite...Friends/experiences/family members now grown or in heaven..  Plus a delicious lunch and help with laundry. "Thanks mom!". I love you!  -you're the best!  Xoxo

MAGNIFICENT POET (raina leon!) Says (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I thank Judy wheeler, of towne center books, here for introducing us via email.. And then had the great pleasure, along with judy, and fellow local artists/poets Martha Dewitt, and Kay speaks of hearing raina both sing, and read from her published book..and the new one in progress..  "Magnificent!".    -from and of the true heart..    Trust she'll contribute to the documentary I have in store featuring local & visiting poets of pleasanton.   

Wednesday, March 12, 2014


I don't understand how anyone could sit Inside on such a beautiful day and watch TV, -when you could just as easily sit next to a window and blog.

"21 Reasons i love baseball" by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Mammarazzi strikes again !      -soon as i finish 21 reasons I love to blog.. I shall start in on baseball...

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

STANFORD WOMENS BOOK CLUB of the EAST BAY hosts (me!) Sandra, tvgp

two thumb typing you this on my phone:  "THANK YOU!" So very much here to Charlotte Severin (as you know, one of my earth angels) for creating this remarkable opportunity..  And to DIANE (I will have to look up last name, but the beautiful one in the green top..) Who opened her -gorgeous, gorgeous home & gardens - to all of us for the occasion..  And! Who included in the spectacular food/dessert spread (contributions by several),  IRISH COFFEE (very big smiley face here!) Which we could doctor up (and of course I did!) With a shot of Irish whiskey, whip cream and! Green sprinkles.. Such a welcoming feel in the environment and spirit..  Such a variety of women with a very admirable variety of backgrounds.. And gracious they were to listen as I presented them with my talk & readings, "21 Reasons I LOVE to blog".  -which included readings from my book, eat, write & exercise..  The Tri valley haven candlelight march story, the fake tow truck car stealing operation, on a sleepless night in spring...  And not in the book, but my poem, 'that's one slippery rock..'.    -an honor in every way to be their guest, and I have much more I'd like to say.. About the deep pleasure to be around these women... Each with their own unique life stories of challenges, crises, victories..  But having the common denominator of wearing life well..    They responded kindly and ask me to repeat a quote of mine I will close with here:  "we come to earth with instructions:  what we love to do instructs us on what we are here to do, and what suffering we endure instructs us on who we are here to help."

-now, I am on full time auntie duty, plus many other balls in the air.. But when time allows:  and a wonderful experience also as a featured guest of the pen women..  And such powerful,  inspiring readings last night by raina Leon at towne center books..  And another merchandising marathon at ricks picks..  And several new additions to THE HEART SEEN collection..  And more. -all of which will have to wait..     /and what a pain in my two thumbs! To type this.. And fight with the auto word function..!.. The amount of go-back and correct..  Exhausting!   -creates quite a disincentive for sharing much, this obstacle course..   -that the goal? 

Tuesday, March 04, 2014

INSTANT MOOD ELEVATOR for (me!) Writeousmom

TREE MAJESTIC march 2014

OPEN WOUNDS part II by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I am at a place now where I can see other peoples open wounds..  Not sure about a step by step on how to close or heal them.. But I'm going to review some of mine:

At one point, for sure, being a rape survivor was a very open, very raw, very large open wound.  YEARS of shame, confusion, phobias, eating disorders, silence, concern..  Long list!  And I remember vividly when I first dared to break the silence.. And talked about being 'mugged'. -because I could not even get the word rape to cross my tongue..  And the person who heard I had been 'mugged' not once, but three times, took several steps away from me and said, 'you sound like bad luck.'.  -oh my good God! I was re-devastated! My worst fear..  Manifested!  Isolation..  People backing away from me..  I was some kind of what?  Bad, dangerous person to know or be around..  So, that sent me into another decade of silence.. That one single response: walking away from me (sure don't want to be near ARE a bad luck virus)..    But! Today there is no one on the entire planet who could say anything that would put me back into a place of shame or silence.  I honor time/place appropriateness discussing the subject.. But this is no longer an open wound. It is fully healed. I know in the deepest part of me.. All the shame belongs to the predator.   -and I remain curious what set of life circumstances turn someone into a rapist?  Vs. Born evil..  ?.    Once open, now healed.     There are wounds I believe were created by my culture, which were once wide open and have now also healed: at one time if you mentioned anything about my weight.. That would sting.. Send me into another episode of some kind of eating and/or exercise disorder..  But today, the comments roll off, don't enter, no longer effect me..  What a joy! What peace!  I contribute part of my success here to my mass media diet, started many years ago.. No music videos, no women consumer magazines, highly selective about TV, commercials, movies..  I can clearly observe/see/witness the effects of mass media on today's youth.. -remember and understand now how I got sucked into that world..  Its too big of a battle for me to fight.. So I will just offer up my personal testimony: my mass media diet improved the quality of my life ten fold! I'll never go back!  -but I do not dictate what others should/should not view..  Do your own research.. Is what you allow in your mind productive or counterproductive to the one and only life you wish to lead...  Helping or hurting?  I've made my decision.    Next:  so many strongholds are gone! Smoking!? Completely, utterly removed! I KNOW! In that place within us where TRUTH resides and self knowledge.. That addictions I long ago battled, eating disorders and prescribed diet pills..cigarettes.. These hold no power over me anymore, at all; period.  Even in times of high stress.. They are no longer even a temptation or threat. Wow! Praise God, I do! And thank him!  .. Joyce Meyer calls them 'spiritual hangnails'. -I love that..  Those irritants.. Things that sting emotionally.. And I am a student of hers for life! As I have mentioned before..  But I recognize them as they pop up..  I remember at one time, if someone said I looked pregnant, but wasn't..  Oh! A low blow..  But the last time that happened.. Didn't hurt, didn't sting, didn't enter.. Just -for real- made me laugh.  I can't fully explain it.. The same way only you know if you did something  unconsciously or with intention..  Seems similar.. Only I know how much things used to sting and how  they don't now. Its great!  I had a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful vision/image play in my mind recently: my very tired, slumped over, physical body was being flown and carried in the sky by several angels.. One was holding me by one shoulder, another the other shoulder, one helped keep my head up, one for each leg..  But they carried me, flew me across the sky and landed me in a gorgeous backyard.. Green! Pools! Garden! BBQ! .. Lovely!  And they explained that they didn't want me to arrive there.. Until -I arrived -there- in my heart and mind..first!  That is to say.. What good is a beautiful place to live if your mind is filled with addictions, fears, insecurities, doubts, disorders of any kind?  Our minds must be peaceful and free and our hearts filled with love.. Otherwise it doesn't matter what you have or where you live..   -write.  Today I thank God for all the strongholds that have been broken.. For helping me to be aware of spiritual hangnails as they present themselves and to continue to make that journey for each open wound.. From "it stings!" To total peace...   Amen!

WOMAN IN HER WRITE MIND (me!) Sandra, tvgp

There are several boxes for me to pack, so I thought this would be a great time to discuss...  Time! My ongoing fascination with how I experience time as an individual vs. The earth clock..  How when I write or color or merchandise..  What I experience as taking 10 or 15 earth minutes has actually taken HOURS.  And how looking ahead, or within, a day can feel like, well, -a day.  But looking back, all of time is super compressed. Fun to take the question LITERALLY: "where does time go?". -when it passes by..  When its gone..  When it seems to disappear..  Where does time go?  Does it in fact..  Travel?  And the connection of our minds to time..  There seems to be two lanes, if you will..  The slow lane, the fast lane..  Sometimes we are (we = our minds and time) traveling at the same speed, other times, different lanes.. But for the most part: in the same direction.. I wonder.

I believe (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I have come to believe in what I experience as truths:  there is one creator, a loving God, whose thoughts and ways, are, as the Bible reads, -higher than our thoughts and ways.  -there is such thing as flesh & spirit and the higher life honors spirit over flesh.  There is such thing as surrendering your will to Gods will.. Such thing as "dying to self" and being reborn.. Entering as an adult infant Into the sanctification process.. That being, the purification of ones heart.  I believe in spiritual warfare.. 'The battle of the mind'.  -human minds, as the battlefield..  That there IS.. As the Bible describes, a devil seeking, roaming.. Looking for people to manipulate and control.. Preoccupying their minds with insecurities, addictive actions/thought patterns, doubt, confusion..  And that as the Bible warns and teaches.. We need to hold every thought captive.. Evaluate it and compare it to Gods truth and discard thoughts that do not measure up and cling to and pro actively create and meditate on thoughts of love, kindness, joy, peace, patience, trust, goodness, gentleness, compassion, faithfulness, self control, mercy, ...building each other up.. Caring for one another..  Protecting..   I believe as you surrender your will to our loving God.. That as a result of the purification process -you become incapable of hurting others in any way..  With words or plots or games..   Over time, you evolve into an exclusively loving, caring person.  I continue to believe, that the sign of a fully evolved human being is that they are a humanitarian.  For years in prayer I would say to God.. "I can see we evolve..  But into what?". I have come to believe that Gods goal, if you will, is the willing sanctification of all people..  He will not inflict his will on you (that is the work of the dark spirit) but if you willingly surrender..  Die to self..  Imagine that for all of humanity..   -a masterpiece.  I am in awe, I am mystified! I am late....   Gotta go.  In Jesus name, amen.

Monday, March 03, 2014

The Heart Seen... In my spilled peanut butter

Cast your cares on Jesus! Attempts (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I have accomplished this before, with great results, but can't in the moment provide a concrete example, -all I know is sometimes I'll get quite psychologically weighed down trying to figure things out..  Til my brain feels like it might split open or spontaneously explode, then I'll hear the teachings of my Christian mentors... "Give it to God" and so I think that sounds quite wonderful, and I do..  But then I'll catch myself over thinking again..  Then rehear the teaching, and try again...  Sometimes it even seems like God himself.. Not my Christian teachers here on earth,  but God himself raises his voice to me, "Sandra! Sandra! Sandra! Give it to me! I will take care of it". Then I do...  And I experience a period of peacefulness..  And I trust God IS taking care of things..  My job is to practice faith, trust and patience..  -this takes a great deal of spiritual training.  There ought to be a spiritual Olympics in addition to the summer and winter, don't you think? 


Oh, I read that in a book from the library.. Shuffling around in the same shelf area as 7 habits of highly successful people..  Apologize can't remember the exact title/author, but had to do with -trust- being the number one thing a successful business needs these days.. Trust from leader to employees, trust from buyer to seller, etc.  And it discussed how we are living in the lowest trust environment in human history.  I agree without being able to put together a power point presentation for you.. I just know its true.  I stopped keeping track of conversations I hear where one person is talking to another person behind another persons back..  How cyber world communications are hidden/deleted.. Removed.  How.. Strategic people are becoming about who/what they text (traceable) vs. Have conversations with  -_then, conversations on phone vs in person..    So, -what happens as a result, is that -trust-  that is, trustworthy people and organizations have become the singularly most valuable individuals and entities on the planet!  Because what is rare..  The more rare; the more valuable!  Liars are a dime a dozen, as they say..   Oh! To be trustworthy!  To meet a trustworthy person!  GOLD!    -to be WORTHY of trust-   it is write up there with true love..   It does exist! But..   Who/where/what/when/why?

OPEN WOUNDS by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I was hoping I could find something else to write about.. Of course! Open wounds..  Not the physical kind.. The emotional kind.  Oh! Everyone is walking around with open wounds..  They reveal themselves eventually. Much like land mines.. Sitting underneath invisible to the eye until someone says or does something to cause it to explode. I am very familiar with my own.. What they are, what triggers them, etc.  -and what I find frustrating, is many of my open wounds have actually, completely healed.  That is, someone used to be able to say or do something that would get me all upset inside, and now if you were to say or do those exact same things, they no longer upset me; I am at peace.  That's not the frustrating part.. The frustrating part is not being able to articulate/explain HOW.. Like I would like to be able to provide a step by step for others.. But in some cases it seems like.. -that thing no longer upsets me, and I don't KNOW how or why it used to but doesn't anymore.  Gods grace? Prince of Peace?  Time, maturity, writing, talking, thinking, meditating..  Combination/recipe for "it stings" to "hey, it doesn't sting anymore!".   -when I recognize an open emotional wound inside another person..  I wish I could say, do this/do that and it will go away..  Because it sure is heaven on earth when emotional wounds are healed.  -for real, on the inside.. No pretending/masking/dormant/pushed down or away... So that is my prayer today.. After I ask God to orchestrate my every step.. Help me with my tongue.. On and on.. I also pray, dear Jesus.. Help us all recognize and heal our hidden emotional wounds.  -that's the business GOD is in...  Healing.  -amen!

THERES MORE THAN SHORT & LONG TERM MEMORY.. Thats for sure! By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Perhaps by the subject matter and quantity of my current two thumbed typing you can tell that I am moving.. And how packing and moving are so utterly devastating.. Potentially devastating, that I'll do anything ..  Productive procrastination ray orrock called it.  Anyway..  Imagine you have a vault, a locked vault, filled with highly valuable something.  -something being whatever it is YOU find highly valuable..  Money? Jewels? Cars?  -whatever.  Okay.  Now, you know those valuables are in there.. You KNOW!  But you don't have a key to open it...  So, there they sit..  Just sitting.  Sitting inside a locked vault.  And you with no Key.   Weeks pass..  Months pass..  Years even...  There sits the locked vault.  There waits you for the key.  You are in the same room, yes..!  You and the locked vault.. But you can't inside without the key.   Live there in your imagination for a little bit for me.  K, now...   My mind is the vault. My -memories- are the highly, highly valuable items inside my mind; the treasure!  And my PICTURES! Are the key!  -that is WHY, as I declutter, it is my pictures which are the most, most valuable..  There are memories.. They ARE IN MY MIND.. But, I dont have access. -ACCESS- without a key..  And I see a certain picture and gain immediate! Access to the treasured memory.   -so many experiences.. I think, oh, I forgot about that until I saw this picture again...  So, without the picture.. It was still in my mind, the experience/the memory..   But no key without the picture.  -see?  A portion of my memories/experiences will surface without picture reminders of both things that happened long ago and more recently, but another portion will ONLY surface when a picture unlocks it..  This is not long or short memory.. It does not even appear to me to be strong or weak memory..  Its something else.. I don't know.  But! On the subject again of memory:  I am fascinated by Alzheimer's vs. Amnesia?  With Alzheimer's you lose even your memory of what a fork is used for.. Or a shoe? What is that?  -but amnesia.. You remember how to eat, get dressed, read, write, etc. But you forget people, places, experiences.  -that's interesting, isn't it.  I'll always remember Shinn telling me about his amnesia..  "I couldn't remember they were my parents..  But I knew in order to be alive, I had to have parents...".    LASTLY, and then I really will get packing..  When my new phone broke not too long ago..  And my handsome prince helped me get a replacement "thank you! Again" -they told me at Verizon that yes, they could transfer names and numbers, but they would not be able to transfer PICTURES.  I did not know this in advance of my phone breaking, and so.. Found it quite devastating that all the pictures..  My HIGHEST, most valued items, were.. -boom!-  just like that; gone.  It broke my heart.  So now.. When I realize in cyber world how instantly anything/everything can just... -disappear.  I give even greater value to the tangible pictures I'm packing and moving.  Greater value to my writings that are IN PRINT. 

GOD DOESNT LAY EGGS by (my dad!)

Another one my dad is famous for repeating: "what came first, the chicken or the egg?"  (Wait for it...).  "The chicken! God Doesn't lay eggs".   But that gets me to thinkin'.  /because let's be honest, what doesn't:   "what came first the piano or the prodigy?".  And "what came first the calendar or the savant?".  -in humanities history.. Were there musically gifted minds, before instruments?  That is.. When you see a super young prodigy sit down at the piano and play beautifully without a lesson or even a pre-introduction..  Did similar minds exist pre-piano? And we just never knew because a piano did not exist to reveal the gift/talent?  -and same question with calendar savants..   Did similar minds exist pre- (what is it we use? Julian? Gideon?). -pre-calendar?  Are there savants for the different type of calendars which have evolved over -time? It is very easy for me to see there is no such thing as a baby born with a blank slate.. But rather, just as our physical traits are predetermined, so are our gifts/talents..  And then it just becomes fascinating to wonder..  Well, a certain % of the population are inclined toward and are in fact, gifted painters..  Did a % percentage live and die without awareness of this gifting because they born before the discovery of paints..   And on that subject..  The people who discover/invent tools and supplies for artists are not always artists themselves..  Paper makers, for example, who do not draw or write.. But they make beautiful paper!  -for others to use..  I'm getting off track.. But! The point is..  It is very obvious to me there is a predetermined division and variety of gifts, talents, inclinations, dispositions, etc. In the human race.   I won't enter into my next obvious to me topic in any great detail, but .. And in our current school systems it sure seems like children get unfairly rewarded for what comes naturally and unfairly punished for what does not...   When what we should be doing is evaluating strengths & weaknesses and then employing everyone based on this distribution toward a common goal..  Not judging/criticizing.. Forcing..  But Evaluating, and exploiting what is strong and good.. Out of each individual.

UM, NO. Obvious to (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I have 2 1/2 minutes to two thumb type my point: my sister is studying early childhood development.. History/theories, etc. And briefly mentioned one theory which was, babies are born -blank slates- so to speak,  and therefore..  But I can't even let that in it is so obviously wrong.  It is as wrong as believing all babies are born -the same-  and we choose eye color, hair color, height, skin color, etc.  after the fact..    You can SEE with your own two eyes these physical traits are predetermined..  And it is AS obvious to me that internal gifts are also predetermined..   Which is how we end up with different people gifted with different things.. Some with numbers, words, paint, music, food, on and on...  More later.

"OH KNOW!" By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Typed from my phone with two thumbs:  -k- it is time once again (apparently) to revisit my favorite question: "how do we know, we know?".  -where oh where is that -know- neuron?  Ask again: I have arrived at my car with a pair of sunglasses in my hand. I realize (suddenly know) that I accidentally/unconsciously carried them out of the store. I had no -intention- of stealing them, but I tried on several pairs, putting them each back.. I actually didn't like any of them. But my hands are used to holding something.. My old pair that recently broke. Apparently, without realizing (knowing) I did not put one pair of sunglasses back.. And continued shopping, in several different stores, for different things..  Not once realizing these sunglasses were still in my hand. I become aware, when I arrive at my car.. Go to put my sunglasses on..  Realize my sunglasses are broken.. So how could I? Then see, but I do have sunglasses.. Then see the price tag, and then suddenly realize.. Oh my goodness, I accidently/unconsciously walked out of the store with this pair...   In fact, the nature of my personality/moral code of ethics would prevent me from ever stealing them, or taking them -on purpose-  but let's say a security guard approaches me at my car and wants to arrest me for -stealing-    Now:  I KNOW I did not steal them..  Although technically speaking, I am holding an item I did not pay for...   Evidence is against me.  But again, i KNOW!  The TRUTH! -where is that KNOW neuron?  Connected to the TRuTH neuron?   nEXT:  where is the CONNECTED neuron? -what I mean is this:   actors make great case studies here:  you have emotional material to read.. During an initial 'dry read' the words are read but not felt by the actor (phase 1, let's say). But after the initial dry read, the actor gets the context, and next reads with the appropriate emotion. -emotions can be -acted out-  replicated, communicated, mimicked, demonstrated, etc. Without the actor actually personally -experiencing- them..  You can do this too:  if I say to you..  Yell like you're pissed off at someone who just cut you off in traffic and nearly caused an accident.  -you can do it..  And it can sound real..  Even feel real.. But not be real.   -let's say, later in the week, it actually happens.. You get cut off in traffic, and now you yell -for real-   THIS too..  This distinction between acting, pretending, imitating, replicating, demonstrating, vs. ACTUALLY Internally experiencing... Can only be - known - inside the person.  Not only does -the TRUTH- as an entity, exist inside us, but so does our ability to recognize it.. KNOWING that we  KNOW OUR PERSONAL TRUTHS..  Where for art thou is  this neuron dear brain initiative subcommittee?

Sunday, March 02, 2014

The Heart Seen.. Within lint from the dryer by (taryn!)

Precious keepsake...

Second place winner! (Me!) Sandra, tvgp

In photo contest sponsored by pleasanton weekly. Jack with a frosty in hand from the meadow lark dairy.. Peeking into what is now, the firehouse art center.   -love my archives.

Portrait of (me!) By (taryn!)

From the archives

Portrait of (me!) By (jack!)

From the archives

Mag Time Frames by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

From the archives

Mag Time Frames by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

From the archives

Mag Time Frames by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

From the archives

Mag Time Frames by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

From the archives

Mag Time Frames by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

From the archives

Mag Time Frames by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

From the archives

Mag Time Frames by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

From the archives

Mag Time Frames by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

From the archives

Mag Time Frames by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

From the archives