Thursday, February 28, 2013

TRAVEL a short conversation captured by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

He talked very casually about his travels around the world, his recent visit to Paris. "tell me, Sandra, he said, "have you done much traveling?". So I said, "well, I've been to hell and back a few times -does that count."

Monday, February 25, 2013

THE BIBLE SAYS THAT?! By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Really, really, I have to write that book one day: the bible says that? I'm just constantly amazed at the difference in what I read vs. Hear at church, on tv, etc. And because I lived the majority of my life in the secular privileged to understand what messages/stories slip through to the general population out of context.. Like I know The resurrection of Jesus is the entire foundation of the Christian faith.. Dead, and back to life. But it's not often (ever?) mentioned just how many came back to life.. Matthew 27:51-54. At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook, the rocks split and the tombs broke open. THE BODIES OF MANY HOLY PEOPLE WHO HAD DIED WERE RAISED TO LIFE. They came out of the tombs after Jesus' resurrection and went into the holy city and appeared to many people. When the centurion and those with him who were guarding Jesus saw the earthquake and all that had happened, they were terrified, and exclaimed, "Surely he was the Son of God!". -do you know in ALL my watching, visiting churches all the Easter services, etc. I have never heard (or did not retain?) that many holy people were brought back to life... How many? Who exactly? And I try to imagine the city with all these holy people brought back to life walking around... And out of order, but Matthew 50: we see this happened as "Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit.". his holy spirit was transferred into the local cemetery.. So here's what doesn't make sense to me.. One of the stories/meaasages that seaps into the secular world, is that Jesus is..well, -Jesus!- son of God, and we attribute a lot to the fact that he was resurrected. -conquered even death. But seems to me, it is often communicated as Jesus being the only one who came back to life. We focus all our attention on his resurrection. But.. If we have many holy people brought back to life? -and so actually, as I read/understand this... It is the testimonies that when he gave his own life (spirit) he is the only one with the power to resurrect the life of others.. So, that seems like the awesome Easter story to me personally: not only did Jesus come back to life...but only when Jesus died, could other lives be resurrected; -and that seems to be what Jesus has the eternal power to do.. Spiritually speaking: bring people back to life. *** ***. And! Seems to me, it is also often, almost exclusively communicated that the villain.. Is Pilate, and he is of course.. But who was ultimately responsible for crucifying Jesus? .. This fascinated me also: Luke 23:12. that day, Herod and Pilate became friends -before this they had been enemies. Pilate called together the chief priests, the rulers and the people, and said to them, "you brought me this man as one who was inciting the people to rebellion. I have examined him in your presence and have found no basis for your charges against him. Neither has Herod, for he sent him back to us; as you can see, he has done nothing to deserve death. Therefore I will punish him and then release him.". With one voice - they - cried out, "away with this man! release barabbas to us!" ...etc, to... With loud shouts insistently demanded Jesus be crucified and their shouts prevailed. -so!- I feel little technical difficulties with the Apostles creed.. And think how often people say "they did it!" or "they made me do it!" and now -they- are very real and anonymous simultaneously aren't -they. *END* independent bible study lessons for the day.

ARE YOU SURE? By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

So what happens, like today.. Is I have certain emails I need to reply to; initiate... Certain things I want to say.. But this I-pad won't let me send emails only read them.. I hear Joel Osteen whisper, " this is being done for you, not to you.". -fine. Slows down my impulsive nature to type straight from the hip.. Tip of my fingers. it's like God says to me..."Sandra.. ARE YOU SURE? you want to say that.." and then I pray.. And think, and try and listen... And the only way I can still say it. Is if I drive myself alll the way to the library.. Wait for a computer to call my own... Wait for the upload process... Etc. And then, and only then, and very on purpose, do I say anyway what God was maybe hopin I wouldn't. Or would; but more deliberately. Amen.

WAIT! TIL SQUIDMANN HEARS THIS! by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

-k, so. Goes like this.. Something like this: I'm at church yesterday.. Topic is grace. Pastor mike incorporates this story.. And please visit the website to hear it yourself, I'm just gonna give the ultra bullet proofed version.. Ivy league college students.. Required to study like never before.. To pass a life or death test.. Whole careers are riding on it kind of thing.. So they study, study, study: enter the classroom on test day.. Test papers are all facedown on their desks. And when they flip them over... Well, when they flip them over.. ALL THE CORRECT ANSWERS ARE ALREADY THERE! Then the professor explains, "that's grace. That's what grace is.." You don't earn it; it's already there..". And so, don't you know I leaned over to my daughter and said, "see! I've known it all along.. Leonard gives me all the answers.. He is grace!". And now, how do you like that? An atheist full of grace. ..grace-full atheist... Miracles never cease.

Saturday, February 23, 2013


i am very grateful for my family.

FASHION STATEMENTS by (me!) sandra, tvgp

so, we have: the dog sitter.

day off.

customer service.   hospitality.

the car pool.

Friday, February 22, 2013

Oceans, by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I don't believe in first impressions; I look for patterns of behavior. I don't believe in public personas; I look for motives and intentions. I don't stare at isolated events; I look at lives in context. I am slow to judge; then act accordingly. Dr Maya Angelou says, "when someone shows you who they are; believe them the first time" this has served me well, but I make room for error. I've seen good people, with great track records make big mistakes.. If you were meeting such a person, during their big mistake.. Your first impression would be false. I have seen ugly, I'll-intentioned people deceive others with one big public act of kindness and generosity. If you met them during their big public -ACT- of kindness and generosity -your first impression would be false. ..intention: true intention, cannot be surfed; only divers find the ultimate treasure: truth.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

SIT DOWN WITH (ME!) Sandra, tvgp

An imaginary conversation with a very real friend: come sit down with me. Answer a few simple questions: k, now.. When you walked through the door, did you walk into a hostile environment? No. You were greeted with a warm and sincere smile. We are glad to see you. -and are you blind? No. You have full vision, you can SEE us. Isn't that a miracle... A great gift; being able to see... And hear... And hug.. And is there not food, healthy, safe food available to you, write now. You barely get a hint of hunger and have access to safe food immediately. Why, you can even have it DELIVERED to your room.. No hunting or gathering. Just point to what you want.. Make a call. And you can talk! You have a voice.. Isn't that awesome! Amazing! I know people who can't hear well, and have to talk with their hands.. You can talk! Pick up the phone! Order food write to your door step! See it, smell it, taste it, eat it! Digest it, be energized by it! ... And guess what else.. You have safe drinking water! As much as you want! Any time you want it! My God! Not only can you drink as much as you want... You can shower in it! Take a long shower and gets even better! You can adjust the temperature! A long, amazing, hot shower... Glory be to God! And when you're done... A bed waiting for you to rest in.. Tv with a hundred channels! Or music! Or silence if you'd like that... I know people who would give anything for just a little peace and quiet.. And it's here for the taking.. If you want it. Or.. You can hop on that fancy phone of yours and talk LIVE to someone on the other side of the planet... Is not that friggin' amazing! And guess what else... Guess what else.. You don't have to shovel snow to get to your horse and buggy... You are going to wake to a beautiful day and a CAR -with temperature control, and music, and wheels is going to help you get wherever it is you need to go.. And I see you have plenty of money for putting the necessary gas in the tank... And now I ask you, brothers and sisters, here in the tri valley California.. Those of you with perfectly healthy physical bodies, who can see, and smell, and touch, and talk, and walk and run... Taking long hot showers, drinking safe free water, eating 3 plus meals a day, with automobiles, and technology.. And living in a free society.. With friends, family, a job... How can you be still miserable? ..I'll answer for you: 1. Peter 5:8. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. And now, I already told you, if every time the devil attacks you, you immediately praise God and become even closer to God.. The devil will flee. The devil's objective is to separate you from God. Connect with God and become conscious and aware of all your blessings, and the miracles, and love.. Or 2. You could be suffering from clinical depression, in which case, only medicines can adjust the biological problem. God works through people.. And doctors ...and medicines... To heal and restore, so don't be afraid or reluctant to seek medical attention if a severe, long term depression is preventing you from being able to appreciate the value of your miraculous life. or 3. You could be putting off a difficult decision... I have experienced and observed, that sometimes if you need to get a divorce, or change a job, or relocate where you live.. But keep trying to stay somewhere, or with someone, whom or where you really don't belong.. This can take a terrible toll on your heart, mind and spirit. -pray for wisdom. Sometimes it is the write thing to stick it out.. Sometimes it is not. The important thing to see here... Is that even with every potential comfort, and a healthy body, and abundant material blessings... We can still be -empty. And it is sooo important to pay attention to what money can and cannot buy.. And if you have every material blessing, and a healthy body, and are still -empty, or sad, or still wanting.. Might this lead us to a deeper discussion and awareness of God and the Holy Spirit. -what really satisfies the human... Heart. Love.


And now I need to be a little sassy here, and emphasize, once again... "The exact WORDS I needed to hear (not numbers people). K, now.. When, and who said them I'm not certain..I watch a lot of church tv and I'm in church on Sunday's, so.. More important than who or when is what: the greater the work you will do for God, the stronger the attacks from the devil. -something like that... A correlation between how threatening your life is to the agenda of the devil..and the attacks you will endure as a result. Once I heard this... Once it landed on my heart and was understood, comprehended... It gave new meaning and value to every single ugly act of violence and evil Ive ever had to endure. And now, as I work to launch TheHeartSeen... A website which will spread love all around the entire world.. Everything makes sense: of course someone like me would be attacked.. But God is great(er)! God is good and it's a true story: love conquers all. /and! ...just last night a fellow Christian was sharing with me how he's "been under attack" for not days or weeks, but months... Recurring thoughts of how he is nothing, of no value, worthless... And now, we KNOW that's not true. But, isn't that one of the devils favorite games to play... Rid you insecure. Full of doubt..Take a beautiful human being, perfectly healthy, fully functioning, surrounded by friends, family, Gods gorgeous landscape, every technology and comfort... And distract you from every miracle/blessing in the palm of your hand, in your heart, and get you fearful, doubtful, insecure, in your mind. But I'm on to that now -immediately! I said to my fellow Christian, " you must be about to do some great work for God!". -and I mean it.

Monday, February 18, 2013

SWEET SPOT a perfect hike in pleasanton

in my gratitude journal..  moments like these..   because i have been on many hikes..  and sometimes it's too cold, or too hot..  or too steep...  or too long..   or too dark..  or too muddy...     or one person in the group isn't feeling well... on and on..

and then sometimes..  it's like this; perfect.  a beautiful day.  a gorgeous view in every direction.  a trail custom designed to our novice hiking level..  perfect temperature/climate.. 

God's landscape at its most spectacular; delightful conversations..   and..  theHeartseen

along the way.     "thank you!"  Jesus

and toree for introducing and inspiring us...  

to this path anew...   to us.

ONE MAN a poem by (me!) sandra, tvgp

for my handsome prince, from your bathing beauty:


my love, my love
lookin' for a safe place to land

a safe person
with whom
i can introduce my flirt

a trustworthy man
 for whom -only-
 i lift my skirt

not for the masses, not for all, or just any

one man. one solid good man.
my love's been lookin' for a safe place to land

the safer the place
 the more solid the foundation

the free~er my spirit
 the WiLdEr the sensation

my love's been lookin' for a safe place to land
one trustworthy heart
so my own can expand

no need to own,
to control,
to hover

loyalty inspired; love undercover

one man. safe man.
 one trustworthy man.

to reveal all my woman
my treasures; my plan:

to love as a lover,
 a wife
and best friend.

one man.
safe man.
to love.


and i want
what i want
is that one man to be you

 if you cluck it up

 'twil be somebody new.

COFFIN SHAPED POEM by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

It is my philosophy: to go with and not against. Something starts to block your view, climb and paint the fence. So while I wait so patiently to post my poem with write spacing.. It dawned on me.. To write another, 'bout the problem I was facing. Write a squishy poem where the spacing doesn't matter! Rectangular poem, long and thin, lick the spoon, and stir the batter. Go with! Not against -and this will unlock... Free the meaning from my words stuck in a box. Oh iPad! Oh iPad.. I can't count the ways.. You frustrate, mis-crush-trate, miss spell in six ways. But! I won't be silenced! 'cuz I'm not alone. With not against! Write a coffin shaped poem. can't kill me. Can't stop me. My words are alive! Reject me, eject me.. Watch me skydive. Can't kill me. Can't stop me. my words are alive!

Sunday, February 17, 2013

ALL OF LIFE IS STAR WARS! Says (me!) writeousmom/Sandra, tvgp

Few times now, I'll be talking with my kids about life...good vs. Evil, etc. God, love.. Hate, war, free will.. Etc. And in the middle of the conversation I find myself sayin' "oh my God.. All of life IS star wars!" and know i need to see that movie again.

MILD FORMS OF TORTURE by -and for, (me!), Sandra, tvgp

Oh! I just wrote a poem, write now, for my handsome prince... Don't you know.. It's a good one! God and a sense of humor; just like I tell my kids.. But I CAN'T POST IT UNTIL I HAVE ACCESS TO A COMPUTER THAT WILL LET ME SPACE IT CORRECTLY! ...rucka,mucka,schmucka... That rhymes.

Friday, February 15, 2013

PERSONAL RECORDS by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Really, I find this kind of thing fascinating and fun.. How often I wake up, -no alarm or radio or anything, but I wake up with a song already playing in my head.. On my birthday, I was literally woken up by prince. Not my handsome prince -prince. Purple rain prince. He was sayin' .."Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life..Electric word life, it means forever and that's a mighty long time. But I'm here to tell you there's something else, the afterworld. A world of never-ending happiness, where you can see the sun day or night. So when you call up that shrink in Beverly know the one..Doctor everything'll be alright. Instead of asking him how much of your time is left.. Ask him how much of your mind, baby. 'cuz in this life, things are much harder than the afterworld. In this life, you're on your own..(and by now, I'm outta bed dancin' my way toward the shower) ..and if the elevator tries to bring you down..(adjusting water temperature/removing clothes)..GO CRAZY... (dancin' my way in the shower): Don't like the world you're in..Take a look around..least you've got friends..Called my old lady..For a friendly word,Picked up the phone dropped it on the, sex, is all I heard..Are we gonna let the elevator bring us down? Oh no, let's go! Let's go crazy.. Let's get nuts..Look for the purple banana, til they put us in the truck, Let's go! We're all excited, but don't know why...Maybe it's because, we're all gonna die! -and when we do... What's it all for? You better live now.. Before the grim reaper comes knockin' on your door..(using razor as my microphone): tell me, are we gonna let the elevator bring us down? Oh no, let's go! Let's go crazy.. Let's get nuts... ***END***. And then this very morning, I was woken up very gently, softly, by a voice and song I haven't heard in a hundred years.. "baby ima want you, baby ima need you.. You're the only one I care enough to hurt about. Maybe ima crazy, but I just can't live without...Your lovin' and affection,given me direction..Like a guiding light to help me through my darkest hour. Lately ima a prayin that you'll always BEa stayin beside me... ***and I know, somewhere, somehow, when I wrote the "IMA" in my IMA SUPER WOMAN poem two days go, this is what somehow... Triggered... IMA associations in my brain, until it found one... How the prince song landed/played I'm not as certain.. But this one, I'm sure about. And fascinated how our brains, like computers, are constantly searching for/identifying common links.. It searches for matches: matching words, or emotions, or flavors, visual icons, aromas.. Similar stories/experiences.. Anything in our memory banks.. And every day, every experience, song, conversation, image, sight, sound, smell is a deposit in our memory banks. Interesting thing is.. There is only room for one at a time, on the stage of our conscious awareness, so although a trigger might have several, or hundreds, or thousands of potential links/matches fighting to perform on that stage..only one wins at a time. -how this gets determined, I have no idea, but.. Fun to self-observe and wonder about it. And I'm making up the numbers for what I'm about to say just to make a larger point: but everyday.. Of our waking hours we are unconsciously taking in memory deposits by the nano second.. When you factor that fact in.. It makes anything born in or from our IMAGINATIONS much more significant. This is my contemplation as of late... Imagination vs. Practical memory. To truly create something outside of, without the aid of, ideas, images, etc from the exposures of our practical, everyday lives. *several prior blogs about ideas self-generated vs. Received come to mind here. And will close with repeating, how once I learned just how impactful every image, sight, sound etc. Is on our brains, memories, psychology, etc, and started to take charge of what I do and don't let my brain have exposure to, my life improved DRAMATICALLY. There is a lot we are exposed to, we have no control over.. But more importantly, there is a lot we do. I am HIGHLY selective, and conscious, and aware.. And the benefits are enormous. Oh! One more recent example... Because I don't watch the news... And someone said to me, with a hint of derogatory tone, " just block out bad news". I said back, "instead, I watch Joyce Meyer and creflo dollar... So the way I see it.. If we both watched tv for 1 hour a day.. I didnt block out the bad news. YOU blocked out the good news... and I'm not that stupid". -which demonstrated I need even more church tv, because a more mature Christian would have bit their tongue where I still have a tendency to stick mine out with a piercing in it.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

IMA SUPER WOMAN a poem by (me!) sandra, tvgp

i'm not a super woman
'cuz i can do all things:
husband, house, kids
the 3 circus rings

i'm not a super woman
'cuza my prestigious career
'cuza my college degree or body premier

ima super woman
'cuz i survived thus far
from inside a l o n g, tall
tight-lidded glass jar

filled with darkness
packed with smoke

ima super woman
'cuz i didn't choke

to death.

i'm not a super woman
'cuz i can act or sing
'cuz i'm a 'triple threat'
arms with wings

ima super woman
'cuz i survived thus far
reached out for God's hand
through the tight-lidded jar

wiggled and squirmed through
a poked hole in the lid

so narrow i couldn't fit through as a kid

ima super woman
'cuz i got out the cage

cast cares to the heavens
got wiser with age

ima super woman
'cuz i learned how to live

how to say 'i'm sorry'
and when to forgive

ima super woman
'cuz i'm not phony, i'm real

i say what i mean
and mean what i feel

im on my way to super woman heaven

ima super woman

it's (me!) at XLVII years old... sandra, tvgp

and my beautiful mom!   "thank you!"

Monday, February 11, 2013

GOOD THING MOM ASKED by (me!) sandra, tvgp

this could also be called -i can explain part II.  like parent.. like child:  i had received 2 or 3 invitations from different people to visit their church some sunday morning.  -i'm interested in exploring..  just as i enjoy watching a variety of church tv shows.  so i thought, -that might be fun.  maybe we could go to a different church every sunday for a couple months, just check 'em out.  i said to one person, "my children might really enjoy that..   like a different adventure every sunday morning."   -writeousmom wrong again.  good thing i asked.  on our way to our church sunday morning, i threw out the idea, i said, "on a scale from 1-10, 1 being not interested at all, or 10 -way interested.. how do you feel about visiting a different church every sunday?"   -son and daughter at about the same time, both said, "ONE!"   -and that's how i learned just how much they love centerpointe presbyterian  AND, guess what else they both also said, "we don't want to have to get all dressed up to go anywhere..   we like being casual."   -i wonder how many people share their sentiment..   and that got me to remembering one of joel osteens messages about 'being excellent' in all you do.  its the one time, i really think he got it wrong.  he talked about how one day, after a long work-out, when he was unshowered and sweaty, he needed to run into a store real quick for  -something.  what, i can't remember.  in any case..  he didn't do it, without first driving all the way home, taking a shower, putting on nice clothes, etc.  -then he went back to the store  -which would have been on his way, originally, and got what he needed, and was really glad he showered because -someone spotted him!  said, 'aren't you that preacher on tv?'  -or something like that.   joel reported being really glad he went out of his way to 'be excellent' in all things..   i saw it as an image trap set by the devil.    -i saw it as going way backward..  so what if someone sees you run in a store in sweats, all sweaty from a workout?  who cares?  youre human.. you just worked out, the store is on the way...  it seems like such a trap if you have to be perfect all day everyday, and really, socially counterproductive..     at least for me, the way i see things..   we need to be more relaxed, not more image conscious.  and i can't help but wonder..  with his wife being as pretty as she is; always in the public eye..   would she allow anyone to see her without her make-up?  without the nice expensive clothes, jewelry, etc.   -for me..  the more evolved human is as comfortable casual, as they are all made up for public consumption.  -the image trap...   that's how i see it and what i call it..   plenty of evidence in history this does more harm than good..    keepin' up appearances.  and over and over and over again, you can hear how grateful people are when they meet people who are "real" and "transparent"  vs. perfect public image/stereotype.   i do enjoy playing in the dirty sandbox and re-drawing the line...   in this case...  unshowered/sweaty at the podium at lakewood while he delivers his message to a world-wide audience; no.  unshowered/sweaty while he runs into the store for an item; yes and please...   do us favor by not being perfect 24/7.   -keepin' it real can be excellent in its own way too.

"I CAN EXPLAIN!" by (me!) sandra, tvgp

i got a late night call..  can i stay the night.  i answered yes.  i answered yes, without having the advantage of an overnight bag, clothes for the next day, make-up etc.  i answered yes, as i sat in my work uniform:  jacket, skirt, boots..   i stayed the night and borrowed clothes for the next day.  i had no other shoes, just my boots. i was not about to put the skirt and jacket back on if i didn't have to  -and 'i didn't have to!'   -my job the next day was in packaging:  sitting in a big box, putting things in little boxes  -away from the public.  who cares what you wear or look like, write.   -so i ended up in, ..."oh my God!"  kelly says, "are you wearing sweats and high heels?"   -this just killed her...   she asked to take a picture.   i got more attention on this day..  at work, walking the dogs, running in the grocery store... than; well, than i've ever gotten before.   -one of the joys that has just been removed from my packaging position, is that i've been asked to dress nicer at work..  no more, what ive affectionately referred to as, my dog walkin' outfits..   when you walk dogs after dusk, or before dawn..  do you care what you wear or look like?  not me.  i'm perfectly content in an oversized coat, whatever shoes are by the door..  go.  get the job done.   and i feel the same way about any job; if i'm not 100% obligated, mandated to dress nice, do my hair, put on make-up, etc.  it hardly seems worth the time and effort.   i could use all that energy and time being productive doing other things.   -i was made for radio really.  anyway..  i'm the first to admit, i've gotten very casual... sloppy even.   and the needs have switched, so that now i may  -at any time-  be pulled from behind the scenes in packaging to..  customer service; in public!   and so, with such a kind heart, and euphasmistic vocabulary, it was requested  (and i think not just by management, but my peers), that i, you know..  put a little more effort in.   -very well.   -but, us writers, you know..    we have a reputation for wearing pajamas all day for good reason; it's not laziness...   those hours you spend in front of a mirror..

it shows.   and the hours we put in on the keyboard; those show too.   -so now, both my part time positions are in the public..  and my only sancutary is at home   -sweet home.   -you should see me write now! in what i affectionately refer to as my bloggin' wear.    /or actually, according to my supervisor and peers; you should not.   

"WHAT?" by (me!) sandra, tvgp

TheHeartSeen... in my favorite snacks! by (me!) sandra, tvgp

Wednesday, February 06, 2013

"THAT'S ONE SLIPPERY ROCK" a poem by (me!) sandra, tvgp

when i heard my doctor

Maya Angelou

recite her poem at the inauguration of president bill clinton in 1993

i listened
       with the methodical heart beat and limited attention span of a chronically ill patient

we've heard it


starts to sound the same,
doesn't it

not hard to read my indifferent pulse on this blanduary morning   -doctor

Maya Angelou

i surrender

one more time.   what did you just say?   can you

Write that down.

so i can look (that) up

i'll never remember

         -on my own,

what does that even mean, doctor

Maya Angelou?  you are talking

over my head  -no less to midas than the

What?! is she tryin' to say exactly?    "Good Morning?"

very simply?

with hope    -you want me look in my "sister's" eyes?!  doctor
Maya Angelou

in my "brother's" face

that's awfully optimistic Mz. doctor..

'do not be wedded forever to fear,'    you say

'yoked eternally to

Bruitishness is all i've ever known doctor
Maya Angelou.     Bruitishness is all i've ever known.

from the middle eastern "brother" who kidnapped me from my own bedroom

to the mexican "sisters" that bullied me until

i changed schools.    i had to change schools
Maya Angelou

how can i say "good morning" to anyone?!  when a black man raped me at gunpoint

and another held a gun to my head in a bank robbery   -when a giant white man abused, controlled,  and dominated the little white child, me

speakin' of oppression..  and slavery..  did you think you had a monopoly on this?

all i've ever known is bruitishness    - pirates desperate for gain


pillaging my dreams, bombing my family with nightmares.   that's all i've ever known

cynicism and blood and fear

and nothing.

seems to matter  -evil lurks everywhere and   -ask me who   -ask me who

because evil lurks inside the asian, the hispanic, the african and jew
 indian, irish
catholic, muslim, atheist too

say 'good morning' -i will not!
to the turk, the swede, the german  or scot

that's one slippery rock doctor
Maya Angelou.
that's one toxic river; and one question for the tree...

when were we all one?

once upon a time... we're we really all one
Maya Angelou...

your words, your voice, your presence

dares me       -you dare me?   you dare me     -to climb back on that slippery rock and find my balance

 to clean the river with my own two, fully functioning, hard workin' hands

 dare me:     to swim against my own current

 toward that forward leaning horizon and mythical unmoved tree

is that where i find courage doctor
Maya Angelou?

or do i need it to get there?

where all my dreams that were murdered, and hopes that committed suicide
are resurrected


years it took me

to heed your advice doctor
Maya Angelou

"too good to be true"

common for chronically ill patients to



very simply

"Good Morning."

a piercing need?   THAT is your prescription for our country?   -are you serious

ly.     -it IS a piercing need; how did you know?

"good morning."

i whispered it to a perfect stranger today doctor
Maya Angelou

and he said 'good morning' back.   check my pulse!

"Good Morning."

i said it to a mexican today doctor    -she said 'Good Morning' back!

Oh! doctor
Maya Angelou!   "GOOD MORNING!"

i said it to a black man, a gay man, a priest!  
i said it simply  -very simply.  it's like a  "Good Morning!" feast

to a lesbian, a blind child, a store owner; his  labor
i even said 'good morning' to my republican neighbor!

check my pulse!  it's one fine morning

Maya Angelou...

-something tragic happened.


 the years its taken me to heed your advice

something tragic has happened and grown worse every year

that's one slippery rock doctor
Maya Angelou

i haven't said "good morning"

for months 

i've been silent.  unnoticed, unheard

not one simple, very simple, not one simple word

"GOOD MORNING!"  i say, but not one of them hears

they've all got those friggin' phones in their ears!

i look out and up, but my sisters
and brothers look down

what good, doctor
Maya Angelou

is my courage now?

Sunday, February 03, 2013


this email from my cousin cc, is so amazing, beautifully written, and layered with life lessons, i asked if i could post it here on my blog

we are thrilled they are okay.. and in prayer for their friends & neighbors

Dear Family and Friends,

We want to thank everyone for your prayers, support, and encouragement during our 'fire storm'. We appreciate your calls and texts and emails! I know some of you kept in touch through my mom! Thanks mom for all your help too! Praise be to God - we are safe! Our house is untouched, although we weren't sure for awhile there. My neighbors down the street lost their homes. It is an unbelievable sight. I know you probably saw it on TV, but when it is your good friends' homes and JUST down the street it is more unbelievable. Many of you have been to my house. As you drive up San Antonio Rd. (the main street to my house) you will be shocked at the sight. Every other house is burned to the ground. (4 of them on your right). On the left hand side, many of the houses burned down up on the hill and in the cove (about 7 of them). There are many that burned throughout the development that you can only see if you drive through those streets. It is such a strange sight to see a house burned to the ground with a house on each side of it that is untouched.

The beautiful hills in the back of my house are burned all around us. It is amazing to think that our house didn't burn. The fire blew through us and into the development below. Our development is relatively new and had MANY fire requirements they had to fulfill. Boy, are we thankful now! Probably the thing that saved our houses the most was (besides God) the closed eaves. We don't have exposed wood on our houses. We also have a very thick line of 'maintained' landscaping all around us that saved us. The sprinklers (many of them) came on automatically with the heat and such. We also have pretty strict landscaping codes, which is annoying when you are trying to get things to pass, but is not so annoying now! We are very grateful!

Our kiddos were very scared. They were both curled up in fetal position on the floor of my car just crying to leave. I felt we still had some time since the fire department, nor police had come through yet. Once I felt the heat on my back and embers flying through the air like a snow storm I realized the trucks weren't coming and we'd better go! I couldn't go down San Antonio (toward Y.L. Blvd) because I could see the fire already reached the houses down there and they were ablaze! I had to go up San Antonio only to reach traffic. Mostly from looky-loos taking pictures. Well, the fire spread over the ridge back there pretty quickly too (as there were 50-60 mile per hour winds) and everyone was scrambling to get out.

When we saw the fire that morning I decided to have the kids pack a suitcase and I threw a few things I thought were important in the car - just in case (like passports, purse, phone, insurance etc). It is amazing, though, how your 'things' are put into a real perspective when you are scrambling to get out. Of course the kids were packed first! I had told them to pack a suitcase with the things that meant the most to them. Summer packed "Sherbert" (her bear she has slept with forever) and her American Girl Doll and some assorted things. Rhys packed his tortoise, his dog 'Barky' (that he sleeps with) and his underwear. I laughed so hard I cried. Then I packed "them" into the car!!!!!

Then as the fire seemed to get closer and the winds crazier, I started packing albums, the quilts Charlotte made us, and more papers I thought were important and had Dan start unhooking our computer and our back-up hard drive. THEN as the fire came sprawling across the hill I didn't really care anymore. I just wanted to make sure we all had a coat and I grabbed those and anything I passed and could carry along the way to my car. I made sure I had my phone books too! I don't know why I felt the need to grab the kids back packs and homework. I just did!

Anyway, thankfully, I am putting all those things away in my beautiful home. I am so sad for my friends though. One of my friends won't even go to her home. The other just smiled as we all hugged her and her husband and she was so thankful for all the support of her neighbors. They took nothing! She didn't even have her purse. She was so overwhelmed trying to figure out what to take that she took nothing. She also didn't really think her house would burn down to the ground.

Anyway, I just felt like expressing my thoughts and 'our' thanks for your support!

I am going to send some pictures in my next email!

~CC, Dan, Summer and Rhys!