Tuesday, March 31, 2015

The Heart Seen.. On Alcatraz, #13, cell block A

originally seen by (carla Graci!)..  and fitting.. #13... part of Ai Weiwei's audio installation..  speech by Dr Martin Luther King Jr..   A time to break silence...

@ Large: Ai Weiwei on Alcatraz, as seen by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I will write more when a time window opens.. Until then.. "Wow!". -never have I witnessed such an absolute perfect marriage between art, objects, shapes, message, venue, space, color, style, access, display.. etc. Etc.  -everything.  everything!    -masterpiece.   by my definition: created with love by a master level artist and cannot be improved upon; perfection. ..more later...

The Heart Seen.. By (carla graci!) In Alcatraz prison..

earlier this month my beautiful mom friend went with her husband and son on the tour of alcatraz.. and sent me this heart seen photograph from cell block A.. and provided not only wonderful testimony about the tour but! the @ large ai weiwei on Alcatraz exhibit..

It was among my greatest pleasures to visit Alcatraz with my daughter and son yesterday.. and treasure hunt for the heart (she had) seen.. 

I am still in overwhelm by the experience.. the audio tour, the exhibit, the planets that aligned that allowed us to go...  but really look forward to writing and blogging our experience when time allows..   

"Thank you Jesus!".  Amen.


Public "Thank You!" to my (mom!) from all of us...

-when we manage to all get together it is usually a holiday or someones birthday.. but every now and then we all manage to get together; just because...   and there's pretty consistently at least one or two scheduling conflicts..   so "thank you!" here to everyone for making this family time a priority.. and to you mom for a great time! Love you! Xoxo

Super Soul Sunday with (Oprah!) & (Cynthia Bond!)

as seen by (me!), Sandra, tvgp:

"Direct Hit!".  " Yes! Exactly..  That's write!  Yes! Amen!   Exactly, exactly, exactly..   "


I do not know whether or not I will read her novel, Ruby, but I do know SHE KNOWS of what she speaks..  and that was an extraordinary interview.

"Congratulations!" Cynthia Bond!  And "THANK YOU!" for all the people you are helping; and all the people you are waking up...

Oprah..  I am a devoted super~souler. I love & thank you too!

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Common Denominators for ALL spiritual leaders. As seen by (me!) sandra, tvgp

1. For ALL spiritual leaders/teachers no matter which faith/belief system:   Quiet time.   Solitude.   -across the board; across all of time and space, across the globe..  No one makes spiritual progress without quiet and solitude; period. No exceptions.

2. Nature.  walks in, talks in, quiet time in.. Pictures of.. etc.  No one makes spiritual progress without spending time in nature.  To my knowledge, there are no exceptions here either..

So,  -to my way of thinking.. based on reading, study, observation, listening and personal experience:

Chronic busy~ness; chronic noise; chronic company; and chronic dwelling in buildings..

Are all counterproductive to spiritual progress.

And to expedite spiritual progress: be quiet; be still; be alone in nature...

And every spiritual leader... without exception, has learned to observe and influence their thoughts.  -has mastered their thoughts, their ego, their moods..

to my knowledge, -there is no other way..


Super Soul Sunday! with (me!) and (oprah!)

Oprah: "what is the difference between spirituality and religion?"

(Me!):  "Yes, yes..

I love your questions Oprah..  I agree with your guest who said spirituality is what unites and religion is what divides.  -how elegant and accurate she is!

Spirituality to (me!) is exactly those things which are true for ALL human beings.. and for which no religion can claim ownership or monopoly..  love, peace, joy, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control, for example..

religion.. is a set of specific laws, rules, guidelines, requirements, practices, criteria, etc. Established and enforced by a governing body of a given belief system which sets them apart from others..

Spiritual laws.. that is to say, exactly what makes something a spiritual LAW.. is that it is applicable to all of humanity.

Religious Law is the mandate of only percentages of human beings based on whatever populations are willing to adhere to... meet man-made criteria..  or agree with human interpretations of religious doctrine; written works..


I am a Christian.. I believe in God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit..

I have read many books about the lives of saints.. Seen many interviews.. I pray to Holy Mother Mary.. I read the Bible..

I often do the gesture of the sign of the cross.. I sometimes watch Catholic television..

but I will use a very specific word here:  " allowed"

-because I attend a presbyterian church but have no attachment to what the rules are specific to presbyterianism..  I attend with a non-denominational heart..

I do not feel, although I love many of the teachings, that I am "allowed" to be catholic because:

1. I support gay marriage.
2. I believe in the write of birth control, contraceptives
3. I am pro-choice and believe in the write for a woman to choose whether or not she keeps or terminates a pregnancy.
4. I do not consider masturbation a sin.
5. I believe woman should also be in leadership positions within the church hierarchy.
6. I do not think it is in any way healthy for males to pledge chastity..  for male human beings to be told masturbation is a sin AND never have intercourse either?!   Poor priests..  - to utterly eliminate such a basic human need and create guilt and sin around it.. In my humble opinion is to literally create neuroses in otherwise very normal and healthy human beings.    I put sex in the category of sleep, and food, and rest, and water, and work and exercise.. A fundamental and very basic human need..

the absence of it does nothing to help the oppressed, the poor, the needy..  the widows, the children..    

It is silliness to (me!); utterly counterproductive.

don't get (me!) wrong.. I am sickened by recreational sex..(have received my forgiveness.. /I say with a smile) .  I believe sex should be sacred..   I am not a fan of current cultural trends/practices promoting casual sex.. The exploiting; marketing; capitalising; using; manipulating, etc.

but I do believe sex is a natural and fundamental need of adults which contributes significantly to our overall health and well being..

in Jesus name..  (Sign of cross).  ~amen.

Saturday, March 28, 2015

"That must be a sign!" -as seen by (me!).. writeousmom

K, -short version:   doctor said in regard to my daughter, "looks like we have a future president"

I jumped write to imagining... ~yes... first female president of the united states of america!   -because as I've mentioned, I do not even know how to dream small..

but then as she started into her tween and teen years..  this wicked, fast very improvisational sense of humor..

see letter to Jon Stewart..

Then!  ..I was very recently taking pictures on my phone of pictures that already exist; pictures of pictures..  and I propped this picture of my daughter on a chair, snapped a picture..

the reflection is from the TV...  doesn't it look all... ~presidential.

but! It is a scene from a skit being performed during SNL's 40th anniversary special!

-so!  Now you know..  Our first female president of the united states of life saving humor...

Friday, March 27, 2015

Upcoming posts when time allows:

1.  do you make people dance around your moods; because your moods dance around your circumstances?

2. The over emphasis of living in the NOW.. Ignoring past and future.   Rather.. ~living in the now WITH lessons learned from the past AND hope for the future...

God Bless Santana. By (me!) sandra, tvgp

the first truck driver gave up.  left.  never came back.   and the only thing that surprised me about that.. is that it was the first time it had ever happened.  Because when I look at the trucks.. some huge, long 53' beds.. and the very narrow size of the driveway they need to enter plus the way they need to angle themselves between two buildings.. add traffic, and cars parked here and there..

well, every time I do see a truck driver negotiate all those obstacles and pull in backwards without taking out a couple pedestrians and half a building or a street lamp.. I'm like.. "Thank you Jesus!"

-honestly it always feels like a small miracle.  Very special gifting.. Driving, backing up..those huge trucks.   And still another miracle to see how we end up getting a hundred boxes to fit in a warehouse designed for 50..  But that will lead me away from today's story.

Today's story is about a very heavily tattooed and handsome young man named Santana.   I shook his hand, "are you named after the musician?".  He just smiled, explained that no, Santana is his last name.. and then he proceeded to ask me where he was supposed to park his truck in order to drop off the 3 pallets of toys we had coming in..

exactly because the last driver gave up, I avoided just pointing and telling, and instead walked him over to the narrow driveway itself.. left no room for guessing..   told him I was amazed each time I witnessed a truck backing in.. ".. But they do do it..  I just helped unload a 53' here Monday morning.."

and then I walked back to the store.. And watched Santana return to  his huge truck temporarily parked on main street; also not exactly designed for trucks of this size..    and then watched a little while longer as he tried to pull back on the street and..   what? turn? U-turn on main street?!? no.. he crossed over to a larger parking lot.. and I could only see the back half of the truck moving forward.. Then stop. Then move backwards. Stop. Forward..  meanwhile a little traffic is building..   I had to get back in the store. So I whispered to myself,  ~dont think we'll be seeing him again either.  -but did the sign of the cross, wished him well

rang up one or two more customers then decided to check out the back door of the store in case a miracle did happen.. And sure enough.. There he was..!   

he somehow made it to St. Marys street and was in the very dangerous process of backing up into the very narrow driveway that leads to our warehouse.. and..  sign of the cross  three more times because it looked like he was going to take out the hair salon and lamp post in one more false move..

"I can't watch..".   -and a customer came asking me to please ring her up...    " Oh Jesus.. help him..".  -and I left.

meanwhile I'm sending the store owner Rick text updates..  He's here but doesn't seem to have the experience the other truck drivers do.. I'm praying.. Im rooting for him!

and Cortney, my coworker friend was on her way back in to help.. and Mark.. another coworker friend.. on the way..

when I finally made it back out to check the status of how much building damage was done to the salon..  and how many women were running around with foils in their hair, and drapes on.. how many stylists running around with scissors in their hands..

I was very relieved to see the building still in tact..  And Santana parked on St. Marys street in a smart and sweet surrender.  He was in the process of lowering the lift gate and would just deliver to the warehouse from there; skip the whole narrow driveway thing.. and add walking distance to the delivery.. But who cares..  All is safe and well..

by this time Cortney had  arrived so I could be with customers.. and shortly after Mark arrived too

"I came down here to rip this guy a new one.. He can't even back up a truck.. he shouldn't even be driving.. !"

"Now, how is that going to help at all?!" I jumped in.."he just doesn't have experience.. how would yelling at him help? That would make it worse..  You could just help him out..  explain.. Or show him.."

And then Mark said something about hopping in the truck and doing it himself..    Because it turns out, he does have the experience.  -but it was never necessary, because it was just 3 pallets and not a big deal really to fork lift them over...

and Santana made a successful delivery; stuck it out.  So, good for you!  -not easy..

And Cortney came to the rescue, and helped out..so, "thank you!"

and Mark stuck around to get the boxes off the pallets and inside the store,  -after already moving two houses worth of stuff earlier in the day, so, "Thank you!"

Rick got his toys delivered, at last!

And Ive been provided with another great opportunity to reiterate my message to the world.  -what the tattoo on my face means to (me!):

"Conquer the world with KINDNESS!"

when someone doesn't know how to do something; lacks experience

-ripping them a new one

demeaning, criticising, yelling..  none of this helps.

Instruction; guidance; help..

there is a popular lesson for writers that goes, "show don't tell."

I feel the same for the public at large with a bit of a twist:

"Show don't yell."

demonstrate; teach; educate..  and there is no substitute for experience itself.

I'm quite aware when these other truck drivers back in so easily and professionally

it is obviously not their first time.   looks like there might be practice and training involved..

and I can't even parallel park my tiny little Saturn hybrid so..

My hat is off to all of you

In Jesus name


Thursday, March 26, 2015

Americas Credibility by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I would love to see America earn credibility again, wouldn't you?

What passes through my imagination sometimes.. Micro/macro..

let's look at micro:   if a person lead a lecture to a large audience.. about healthy families; how to raise your children..  but you learned that the leader had two kids in prison and one a high school drop out... and one who committed suicide..

credibility?  -would you listen to a single word? Have any respect for?

in this same way; macro..  on a larger scale..  America herself..

Can we have the incarceration rates we do..  Drop out rates? Suicides? Unemployment? Poverty levels.. Crime rates..

and expect anyone from other countries to respect us; hear what we have to say?

we need a much better report card..  We need to demonstrate we know what we are doing..  We need some impressive numbers..

otherwise, we are exactly that leader I mentioned at the beginning; who can take us serious? Who would listen?

America needs to re-earn respect and credibility. America needs a much better report card.

In Jesus name, amen.

Jesus & The Placebo Effect. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

placebo; a recent conversation because it is being discussed in class at my daughters school..

a fascination with me because I spend an embarrassing amount of time contemplating the distinction between believing  and knowing..  between truth and fiction; between literal truth and truth~truth..  between what we believe is true; and take as fact.. But is later revealed as false..

it is a little unnerving at first.. If you've ever been told, take this medicine, it will cure such n such..  and then you are later told, -it was not really Medicine.. But youre cured!  ~because you thought.. Because you believed..   So, it turns out you never really needed the medicine at all..

it would take more time than I have write now to cover this topic in detail.. Puncture holes in it.. Because there are many opportunities to do so..

but a highly important topic:  -what we each believe..  What science can and cannot prove..

I, for example, can believe my whole heart out.. that when I wake up.. I will no longer have gray hair..

But believing ain't gonna change the color of my hair is it.  Only dye can do that..    -someone had to figure all that out.. What ingredients, chemicals, in what combination, put on for how long.. Etc.

-these people amaze me.   But! To avoid getting off track..

it is true:  sometimes just believing can accomplish what we give medicine the credit for..

And sometimes if all you are counting on is -belief.  Nothing will change, heal..  Medicine is in fact mandated if you want to see a result.

How can we distinguish..  Control groups, write.  Experiments and control groups..

Now.. This brings me directly to Jesus..  to believers..  To believers in Jesus.. In God.. In a holy spirit..

Placebo?  Just believing is getting the result?   but he's like fake medicine? Not real?

.. Control groups... Experiments..  

Do lives really change?   Do people really heal? 

Yes they do.  When they believe. ..by faith and not by sight...  

couple thousand years worth of evidence...  millions of testimonies.. 

Very important for people to take inventory of what they believe; and why they believe it..

And assess the results.  

In Jesus name, amen

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

"Now thats mercy.." as seen by (me!) sandra, tvgp

Topic: romance, mercy, grace and 2nd chances.

Now, -here is my truth:  there is no one I have dated who 'kicked me to the curb'  that I would ever give a second chance to; period.

and yet, I'm being given a second chance by the person I'm dating now... who I, once upon a time..'kicked to the curb'

either my interpretation is wrong.. Or!

this is God showing off again..  Grace and mercy.  Extending to (me!) what I am not willing to extend to others, and do not, therefore even really deserve..

but that's the very definition of grace and mercy; it is not tied to or determined by ~deservedness.   it can't be earned..or bought..

only recognized, and received with love and gratitude.

So, like.. "Thank You Jesus!"

..how do I not mess this up...    please help. Amen.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

"8 SHOTS OF INK!" at the (firehouse art center!) Wed. Apr. 8th, 2015

The Heart Seen! .. In my brownie crumbs...made by (Chris lampson!)

-remember the heart seen in the most delicious red velvet cake also made by Chris Lampson..  Well, -now he went and handmade from scratch these incredible amazing brownies with cream cheese.  I've been having a -small- piece /she says with a smile..  each morning with my coffee.. warmed up in the microwave just as he suggested.   when I looked down at the paper towel I used..  The heart seen in the crumbs.  -too cute.  I took the picture write away then licked my fingertip and collected the crumbs as my last bite.  You don't even let the crumbs go when it tastes this good..  Know what I mean..  "Thank you Chris!". 

The Heart Seen!.. in (John Mellencamp's!) ear...

-picture does not do justice.. See TV program: speakeasy. John mellencamp with jann wenner.

"oh no! not another awesome conversation show!" for (me!) sandra, tvgp

no secret charlie rose is my favorite.. conversation vs. interview and.. uninterrupted!  I sometimes watch tavis smiley; love oprahs new super soul sunday interview/conversations; master class..used to watch iconoclasts.. Inside the actors studio.. but whenever I'm channel surfing and it looks like a genuine conversation and an interesting person.. "I'm in!"

I'm the first to admit I watch too much TV already, but!

irresistible to (me!), I'm now hooked on: speakeasy.  -check this out:

Geddy Lee & Michael Chabon.
Nile Rodgers & Valerie Simpson.
Roger Waters & Bill Weir

and just finished watching John Mellencamp & Jann Wenner...

-these are fantastic conversations!   watch.

and if I were to update my self~portrait poem today.. I would definitely include.. "I am mellencamp..."

Now, as I watching.. every time john mellencamp turned his head a certain way..  "The Heart Seen!... in his ear!".  -which seems especially fitting for a musician..   I don't think my phone camera captured it well, but I'm going to post it anyway..   but if you get a chance to see the interview..  pretty cool.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

The Most Important thing he said (dan harris!) as heard by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

close your text books and turn on charlie rose..

See interview with Dan Harris, author of...  /book cover close-up please..

10% happier.   How I tamed the voice in my head. Reduced stress without losing my edge.  And found self-help that actually works. A true story.


Now, ignore the impulsive reaction to gag at successful prep who has a drug induced panic attack on national TV and then profits from writing a book about it..   No audience gained ever goes wasted..huh..

It is a cultural slash capitalistic formula.. Seen over, over, over..  Usually to my disgust,  But I force myself to listen to a fellow human being anyway..

don't you just hate that..  When there's someone you don't necessarily want to feel compassion for.. But then as you listen.. You do anyway..

That was my experience listening to this dan Harris sharing his story with my Charlie rose..

I'm not going recap the entire conversation; watch it yourself.  I'm cutting to what resonated with (me!)..

Upshot: covered war in iraq as a journalist..  Perhaps did not cope as well as he hoped..  Self-medicated upon returning home via cocaine and ecstasy..  had a panic attack during a morning news show he was anchoring.. good morning america..   And quit in the middle of his on-air performance..


Now,  cut to later in conversation:  his boss, peter Jennings (RIP) told him to go cover religion, faith and spirituality.  /cut, skip, jump..

" I don't think I had had a serious conversation with a person of faith in my adult life until I got this assignment."

-worth noting just how successful and far in life.. Education, career, one can get ...   without ever having had a serious conversation about. -faith.    I'm very curious, and suspect, about higher education if it doesn't include some basic training in world religions...   -that frightens me.

but that's not even my point.. My point!    -is how he visits different synagogues, churches, temples, etc.. And eventually bumps into:

Meditation.    This! Turns out to be the key to his new found

10% increase in happiness.   You really must hear this conversation.. The way he describes encountering

-for the first time-  and as an adult..  -the voice in his head.  How he  learned to pay attention to his own thinking.. And train his mind to override default thoughts of negativity and proactively return his mind to peace ..and positive thoughts..

THIS is something we should be teaching everyone from elementary school on..   meditation.  Paying attention to your thoughts. Noting what they are by default.. Learning to override and control your own thoughts.   -crucial.

meditation is neutral.. Its not religion; its basic health.  brush your teeth; and then mental hygiene: meditate.   Exercise your mind muscles..   10 times more important than physical-body exercise in my opinion..

and yet, people can go their entire lives without reaching this, relatively speaking, low level of awareness and it is so key to a healthy, happy life..

-so!  Fascinating for me to learn, this otherwise successful and mature professional journalist.. Reporting on world events..and war and whatnot..

had no idea, until in his 30's,  and until after his panic attack..

that he can actually observe, assess and control his own thoughts.   -awareness;..  A late bloomer to becoming conscious of his own thoughts and learning to direct and Influence them vs. Accept and react to the default settings...

Of interest for sure..!  

What I would love to share with dan Harris is this:

there are still deeper levels of consciousness; conscious awareness..  you are only getting warmed up my friend..

pay attention.. continue meditating...

Ask; seek; knock.  

truth will answer the door.

Be still.

you are only half way there...     I wish you many blessings! continued success...

in Jesus name,   -amen.

"I walked over hot coals with tony robbins!" (Me!) sandra, tvgp

True story. and I'm sure I've already written about it, so won't go in to detail. But the memory was triggered because he appeared at the round oak table with my charlie rose recently..

/charlie rose.. Who I got to meet in person and kiss on the neck.. 

Anyway..  here's the big stand out lesson in a couple bullet points:

1. I would have never been able to afford the tickets to see him and walk over hot coals on my own.  The tickets were gifted to me by someone else who suddenly could not go..

2.  MY REASON for wanting to conquer my fears was to be able to make more money..  I was swimming in debt..   I thought the entire reason anyone would go see tony robbins was to learn his secrets for financial success..   Once you have that,  -what else could you possibly need?

3.  I will never forget pulling into the parking lot for the event.  I swear to you.. My car was the only junker.  The parking lot was full of Mercedes, and expensive luxury cars.. Everywhere, new, clean, beautiful expensive cars..

it dawned on me, like.. Duh.  Only these people can afford tickets to his events!

But..  If they can afford these beautiful cars.. And afford tickets to his events

Why do they even need to see him?

that's when I really fully realized, as I had suspected all along..

maybe money didn't solve every problem after all...

then, the next set of tickets to see tony Robbins was for.. A lot.. Because his event was going to be in Hawaii..

he does teach us all a lesson...that's for sure. 


but I've found that when it comes to books and teachers..

The bible and joyce meyer have staying power in my heart, mind and soul and spirit..

but I did do it!   Walked over hot coals with my bare feet...

Woo hoo.

Hallelujah & amen!

"Happy Saint Patrick's Day!!" from (me!) sandra, tvgp

-from my four leaf clover treasure hunt with my niece last march...irish luck & blessings! 

Public "Thank You!" to (city of pleasanton!) from (me!) sandra, tvgp

I was thinking again recently.. of how much writing has poured out of me since the invention of the blogosphere..  and how.. if you were to eliminate that..  -had it never existed; nor would thousands of my stories..    -platform first.  a safe place...   the space to create must exist first...   YouTube is another awesome example..  how much exists now that otherwise would never..  -birthing centers for creative expression; self expression;  expression in general..

that lead me to think about how many creative adventures I've had since I moved to pleasanton in.. around 1995 or so..

this is not in order; but as it comes to mind:

-creative writing workshops I taught through the city of pleasanton parks and recreation programs; at the pleasanton library; at the pleasanton poetry, prose and art festival; at the firehouse art center..

-movers & shakers:  a creative dance class for children  I co-created and taught with Kate barton at Pam's dance studio..

-good neighbors holiday boutiques, I co-founded with Virginia Lai, Patti Benson and Nancy Eddinger which rotated in the vintage hills neighborhood every Christmas season for approx. 8 years...

reflections chair -for vintage hills elementary school art show and competition, 4 or 5 years in a row..

the publication of my book(s): eat, write & exercise, -beautiful fish.. anthologies, etc.   -readings, open mics, etc.

TV30 IN A WORD & Conversations with robin fahr:  guest appearances on local TV to discuss literature; to discuss, share, the innovation of my Mag Time Frames..

Art for recess!   -supervising creativity time at vintage hills for kids who wanted to be creative instead of climb bars and or play four square during recess  /my room was packed!  I feel compelled to point out...

Diapers to diapers exhibit in collaboration with Monica dawn.. Fundraiser for Tri valley haven..  Photography & poetry exhibit celebrating the entire circle of life for females, with truth, humor, beauty..joy..

Vagina monologues..   performed at bank head theatre in Livermore, but all rehearsals in pleasanton..   /I have a different upcoming list to thank the city of Livermore; also..a creativity birthing center..

kissing the chocolate blues.. My first theatre piece, performed at the firehouse art center.. In collaboration with faith Alpher, Jessica reaber..  FAC administration...

poet laureate..  with its own sublist of events, readings, etc.  Including the above mentioned.. And!

8 shots of ink.   -my first documentary in collaboration with Jane berry, Casey Boyden.. FAC administration..

The Heart Seen exhibit at Ricks Picks..   The Mothers Day crafts.. The wine bottle craft class... the Ricky & Picky photography...

The Momma palooza event in collaboration with Debra knox..

The local artist work I was able to get on display at Amelias..

Articles & Feature columns I've written for the Pleasanton Patch..

My invention of Facebook~Guestbook at Ruby Hill.

and I'm sure there are many I'm leaving out..  But my point, is that over the past 20 years I've lived (6 different places) in Pleasanton..

I think my creative output provides its own testimony

-same way, the amount of writing I've done since the invention of the blogosphere provides its own testimony.

-it starts with a place; a place you feel safe and welcome to create in..to experiment within..


Monday, March 16, 2015

Best First Baseman of all time! (JaaaaAAAAaaack Kay!)

Playing for the San Francisco Giants!    /he has in the past informed me, maybe the Oakland A's..   but in my visions I never see him wearing green and yellow..   I see him....

in black, orange and white.   and can even hear the sports announcer write now!

"Did you see that?!?  3rd OUT! for KC... And  I think Jack Kay  just set another record for the high jump..   "

-because oh!  this is where he shines.. 1st base..  I mean.. who stands a chance?! Of getting on 1st when Jack is there?

No one! That's who..  

I've said it before, I'll say it again..   He is amazing!  As ready for the accurate power throw as he is for the accidental over throw..

too high.. no worries; he jumps like a NBA champion..

off to the side.. No worries; he stretches like a yoga master..  left, write, center, up, down, straight on.. No matter

He's got speed, he's got instincts, he's got determination, he's got experience, and!

He's got love for the game...

Wanna know where else he shines..    

"That's his 3rd steal!  #43..  Loves to taunt..  that one..."


because..  he'll stomp his feet, clap his hands, speed step to the side..    Antagonize the pitcher, distract his opponents, 

-whatever needs done..   Always going for the steal

-always within flight of the base..

offensively:  well,

"Highest stats for crossing home plate..".  -because, if he hits his way to 1st base, or gets walked..   Once he's on base..  chances are very high he'll be crossing home plate..

no hit or miss by his teammates ever gets wasted!  If he can go..

-he's gone..

..2nd base... 3rd...    " and he's crossing home AGAIN!!"


I just never tire of watching him do his thing.. So exciting!  He not only has his head in the game at all times..

He has his heart, mind, spirit, soul...body...  


And!  When I tell you here, he is always willing to step up to the plate; I mean it both ways..

Last game, I was all temporarily engaged in a conversation with another parent, and then..  When I glanced back on the field..


...like, where did my son go?...

Took me a couple seconds to find him, because..

He was on the pitchers mound!   Now,..   this is a position for which he has not received any concentrated training; and for which he has not logged in any countable hours of practice..

But.. they asked.. they needed him. And he stepped up to the plate.

-makes me so proud!

-and you know (me!) By now..  I realize the great life lessons..

there is a place we each shine; a place, a position..   just write for each of us..

But each of us will also be required to just do the best we can in an area outside of our expertise, and training.. 

When you get put, or end up, in positions outside of your skill set..

that's all you are required to do:  your best.

the trick is to not let that make you feel like a failure in any way..  not to let that give you any sense you are not enough, because you can't shine in every single position..

Shine bright where you do shine!   With humility..
and do your best everywhere else..  with humility..

So much.. so much.. I learn every year from watching baseball..

my favorite lesson:  the speed at which you are required to shake off an error and move into the next moment with a fresh, powerful, optimistic perspective.. error to awesome in .02 seconds!

Really.  This sport demands it.  Strike out; the 3rd out, when the bases were loaded...

you have to let that go; immediately!   Run with energy and confidence back out on the field in whatever your defense position is..  fresh start. 

miss an important catch?  -you let that go; immediately!  -ready to get the next one..

-there is absolutely no time -whatsoever-  for beating yourself up, or dwelling, or rehashing..   or self punishment of any kind.

Mess up; move on..;immediately!   its great spiritual training.

-ever into the next moment of winning possibilities..


I can't close without revisiting two of my favorite; make that three of my favorite baseball related memories:

-throwing socks rolled up into make shift baseballs around the living room to help my son build his instincts.   This is definitely one of those areas where you can see God turn my weakness into a strength

-because.  Well, I can't throw to save my own life.  I'm a little better now with practice.. But I never had any idea when I threw those sock-balls what direction they'd be going you see..

-so,  -neither could my son.   -he never knew if he'd have to be running left or diving write..  

But I would fast pitch those socks in the air.. And he would figure it out so quick.. Make the catch!  Sometimes rolling, sometimes stretching, sometimes standing still..   Boom!

so, I'm going to take some credit here for building his instincts.

/only briefly mentioning I have no experience.. never played sports, etc.   And only briefly mentioning his father has coached him every year since T-ball..

To share my next favorite memory, I must first turn myself in.  I must share that I was at the time, battling..  Battling a lot of internal, personal demons..  

and during this time, I mean.. I could not, COULD NOT get myself to complete domestic responsibilities.  trying to motivate myself to even do one load of laundry..  Well, it was like requiring myself to conquer half dome.  I couldn't do it.  Just couldn't..

But!  ..for some reason.. even though I could look directly at a growing mountain of dirty laundry and ignore it..

I did always feel inspired.. I always found the energy to wash jacks baseball uniforms.

I see it with sentiment, compassion and humor now; several years later..

But if I can paint the picture.. That's what you would see:

mountains of dirty laundry over there, and there..

but on the bed:  Jacks baseball uniform. Sparkling clean. Laid out flat on the bed spread: the white pants; the shirt; the sliders; his cap, his cup, belt..   socks...

-it was sometimes the only thing I accomplished on a given day that made me smile.

So, the sock-ball throwing and the clean uniform; two of my favorite memories..

gosh, there's four really.. Not three.   -the catch! At max baer park!

Skip forward... And.. Well,   -I had been telling jack  -mommy coaching

-for which I have no experience, no training, and virtually no credibility

My experience is all just from watching him play several years in a row..  Observing..

So I told him, "hit on the 1st pitch!  -you leverage the element of surprise!".  -and he has a great eye, my son..  And he never hits the 1st pitch.. He uses it to assess..

but to humor me at one of his games..  He swung at the first pitch and GOT A DOUBLE!   -landed himself at second plate!

-has since served as a lighthearted joke between his father and I..

-his father who has actually coached year after year.. Put in who knows how many hours, practicing, warm-ups, clinics..

" and then you want to credit your mom?! with that hit?!"


Anyway..  I'm repeating myself.. But I do fully credit my son with making me fall in love with baseball.  -not just the glorious joy of watching him play and evolve since T-ball,

But the game itself.   -last year with my sister, we,

-without the influence of any men, or kids, or sportsfan friends..

-we watched and were completely engaged in the world series.  Too exciting!  and then.. I mean my goodness, to watch the giants come back from a 10-zero loss..   Claim ultimate victory!

Life lessons of the sweetest kind...


When I get to talkin' to customers and find out they're baseball fans..

"My son is going to be playing 1st base for the S.F. Giants" I say with a smile..

-usually they take me serious.. And congratulate me..,   then I feel a little guilty, so go like,

"Yep.. In about 10 years or so... ".  -then they get it and smile back.

" I know how to dream," I tell them.  

-because that's where I shine.

Saturday, March 14, 2015

The Gorgeous, Sexy, red head i wrote about! (Candace harding!)

source: on the cover of the Independent newspaper Thurs. March 12, 2015.

excitement/memory trigger:  ".. former Otis Spunkmeyer DC3 pilot.."

reaction:  OMG!  that's her..  The GORGEOUS, SEXY red head I wrote about... 

type:  Otis.   - in the search bar of my blog here..

I cannot even admit the amount of time I spent wondering what it would be like to be her,   -the PILOT!  Vs. The hostess...

Anyway.. my awesome neighbors here (type Harley in search bar). -have a connection to the Livermore airport.. So I'm going to print out my Otis spunkmeyer memory blog post and see if john can't somehow get it to Candace...  -would love to say hi...

Thursday, March 12, 2015

From a place of greater calm. -by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I am very serious and focused regarding my personal, currently one-woman effort, to entirely eliminate the words 'morbid obesity' from the vocabulary used by both medical insurance companies and the entire healthcare world.  

-had I just fired off a copy of my impulsive reaction which I posted yesterday; that kind of high emotion, cussing, rant, rave can,  -and should, be easily and quickly dismissed. 

I will, within the next week compose a letter which demonstrates some level of maturity; professionalism; forethought, etc.   -and spend some time crafting a letter which even the President of the United States of America could,  -and should, take seriously.

My goal: eliminate 'morbid obesity' as a diagnoses.  Replace those words with an updated vocabulary which can accurately describe weight.   /perhaps we could just note height and weight; period.  Without any words/labels.. I have not figured this part out yet..

My reason:  To use the term 'morbid obesity' in 2015, to describe a child or adults weight, is..

my analogy would be.. Is to try and use the word gay to mean happy.

As we all know, the word gay, no longer means happy.  How and when, I can't be sure, and will not research.. But gay in our current time = homosexual; period.  -whether the dictionary says so or not.  Any prior definition has been usurped..  The connotative, of homosexual  -so vast, ubiquitous, and immediately associated in the mind and consciousness for the word gay, has in fact become; literally evolved into the current denotative

I will skip here diving deeper into the fact that gay seems to = male homosexual.. and we use lesbian for the female..  It is not my point.

My point! is that using morbid obesity clinically is like trying to use gay to mean happy..  It DOESNT WORK.  The definition has long been usurped by ...  Something...  Awful!  In the minds, and consciousness of the public at large..  The way 'morbid' is used on the street, on TV, in literature, in everyday conversation..the colloquial..

'Morbid' = gruesome.  Awful.. Terrible.. Hideous in some way..

so! To use it as a diagnoses at all!  Is morbid in and of itself..  When I think of a child being told by a doctor they are 'morbid..

I almost lose my mind.  Morbid?!? .. when I consider the child is not only told this.. But walks out the door with an official document which puts it in writing..  YOU ARE MORBID...

Oh!  ..my impulse is to wake these doctors up with an alarm that doesn't beep but.. punch.  Know what I mean..   WTF..

K.. Now,   -same with the word obese.  How can i avoid the pun..

We have big issues here!

perhaps medically, clinically we have a harmless definition..  25lbs over the weight as dictated on a chart created by a..

A bunch of f'king IDIOTS!   -/you see I have much work to do taming my tongue.. Controlling my outbursts..  This is just a draft..just a draft..

I will put the entire letter through the holy filter before i actually send it out...     Just a draft..

Where was I?  Yes,  

Obese on the streets, colloquially, in TV, literature..etc.  OBESE means, like,   way~way~way overweight; huge!  Out of control..

So!  let us please ignore the clinical/medical/insurance definition.. As we can clearly see  from my example of gay..

The definition..  Oh! I have another pun I cannot avoid..

The definition that carries all the weight; that matters; that is in the minds, consciousness, -that is the immediate association people make when they hear the word OBESE..

this definition = way~way~out of control huge.

So..  dear doctor..  I am sure..  Very sure you are only some combination of desensitized and ignorant vs.

Consciously evil and deliberately ill-intentioned.

But you did, whether you knew it or not..

You did just take a precious, perfectly healthy, gorgeous 9 year old CHILD..

And implanted a horrific self-image which can potentially result in an variety of neuroses from an unnecessary attack on self-confidence, to eating disorder, to unnecessary preoccupation with body image, calorie counting, etc.

While you went on to potentially devastate your next child/victim unknowingly, the child and family you just dropped the ',morbid obesity' bomb on.. Went home in tears..  Struggling on every level, psychologically, emotionally, physically, spiritually, intellectually -with how to address and process being told by a medical professional they are Gross and out of control huge!

if you thought for a moment that you could say and write 'morbidly obese' about a 9 year old child and just have said child bounce back, and suddenly in a perfectly healthy way.. Adopt the culturally skewed and perverted eating & exercise program that would result in steady healthy weight loss

-that is a sign that you got all the way through medical school without learning a single actual thing about human beings.

Dr Maya Angelou said, "when you know better, -you do better."


when you say or write ' morbidly obese' the image associated in the minds of the general public is that of something or someone

Gruesome and out of Control huge..

I am quite sure that is not what you mean and not at all what you would say to any child regardless of weight.  "you are gross.. And huge!"

Morbid obese.  These vocabulary words need to be removed; annihilated! from the vernacular. -yesterday.

I have my work cut out, don't I..   It has been in use for several hundred years I'm sure..  In every medical text book, journal..

In the ICVDM  -manuals..  Insurance documents..  Etc. Etc.

I will do what is within my ability to do factoring in all the rest of my life responsibilities.. But I will not ignore or brush this one aside.. Or leave it to someone else.  This one calls me loud and clear..

In Jesus name..  Amen.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

911 EMERGENCY: HELP TAME MY TONGUE. (Me!) sandra, tvgp

HOT BUTTON! HOT BUTTON!   unless I think on this a couple days.. It will be nothing but emotional vomit on the page. -and the stakes are too high. It needs to be communicated in a mature, poised, educated, powerful way in order to actually effect change and not just appear as a random individual venting which are easy to ignore.

-and here I've been so proud of myself for all the effort I've put in + Gods grace taming my tongue..  internally I smile and refer to myself sometimes as 'Sandra, the cussing Christian..'.  

Im repeating here i know, but do you ever hear F-bombs out of Joyce Meyer? Bishop T.D Jakes? On the Hour of Power or EWTN?  Never. 

but cover your eyes, and your ears if you read out loud because..

may I first remind everyone it is 2015!!!  

there are so many things I was just certain were done away with 20 years ago, then suddenly I find out the same stupid shit is STILL taking place

-this one kills me though; just kills me!

a doctor giving a 9 year old child, who maybe (great emphasis on MAYBE)  10 lbs heavy the diagnoses of:

"Morbid obesity."

my initial reaction is so filled with rage and f-bombs I can't even type it here.

So, I guess I have to type it here instead:

WHAT THE FUCK?!      /forgive me Jesus.  sign of cross.

/I'm revealing processing to you. Making it transparent.

after the initial impulsive emotional reaction...  Eventually, a more mature approach..   But can't get to that one without letting the first one pass by.

mature people filter. Keep the impulsive one internalized. share the thought-out version..

I know the birth of and current use of the term, morbid obesity, is used out of

fucking ignorance.     /forgive me Jesus.  Sign of cross.

and not with any intention of psychologically wounding young children or with the intention of creating neuroses, or with the intention of creating a preoccupation with body image, weight, -giving birth to eating disorders which prior to said diagnoses were nonexistent..

I am just absolutely sure these doctors have their fucking hearts in the write place when they tell parents their perfectly normal child is morbidly obese...

it is used quite casually, quite clinically..   by utterly desensitized, clueless doctors..  if I remember back correctly.. in strictly medical terms in means 25lbs overweight or more; but I have not researched this..    -and the standard by which this chart is used!  Hideous. As if all human beings had same bone structure, body type, etc.   Where underweight is considered normal weight and a couple pounds over is called morbid obesity.

I'm coming to you from the streets; colloquial..  to educate you and as politely as I am currently capable of being

ask you

To STOP using this diagnosis YESTERDAY!   STOP! STOP! STOP!

ask any person on the street to point at a picture or draw a picture of someone who is "morbidly obese."

-even just the word morbid.   -to describe a human being; a 9 year old child?!   I cannot even believe it...    the association with the word morbid is...  terrible/awful!

and obese?!    colloquially speaking..  this means.. like,  super~huge.   most people envision someone over the 500lb mark..

that is the ASSOCIATION.   -so when you tell a child they are




-my God.  entire families are devastated.  leave in tears..  Unnecessary Pre-occupations begin..   self esteem is attacked.  confidence is punctured. Self image plummets.

and how much of any of those do children have to begin with.

There is a huge discrepancy here and now.. As there has been for a good long time between the

medically, casually, clinically dropped term morbid obesity; its denotative definition

Vs. the colloquial, connotative, definition and accompanied visual image.

we cannot ignore this.   People are being quite unnecessarily devastated.

-I will spend only a minute to acknowledge.. Yes, we are living in times of junk-food heaven and video games..  less nutrition and less physical activity.. I will not deny an increase in diabetes, and weight..

however.. it also trends; healthcare practices.. and hyper awareness; overkill in testing, misdiagnoses, leaping to judgements..    -this happens too.

it is a beautiful and wonderful thing when we nip bad health habits in the bud; catch early warning signs and make improvements..

and it is a hideous and ugly thing when take perfectly normal healthy children, families and create neuroses; eating disorders; attack esteem and self image by using terms like 'morbid obesity'

when a simple, 'couple pounds heavier than we'd like to see you'

would do.


so, I will clean this up... Polish.. Edit.. Etc.  and then make copies to send to every possible medical professional from the white house to the local URGENT care.. 

Im still pissed off...  Just Frickin outraged..   Tell a perfectly healthy child they are morbid..   and obese..

...has to be ignorance..  Just has to...  

Monday, March 09, 2015

The Heart Seen.. a little closer..

The Heart Seen.. on (highway 88!) by (me! and my rick!)

-between lockford and waterloo on return from Tahoe.  NEW FAV! seen only for a short stretch and specific distance.. then as you move closer and pass by its just three palm trees again.. 

Saturday, March 07, 2015

the most important thing SHE said (johanna ray vollhardt!)

I'm almost too excited to write. Let me breathe in; breathe out.


how to organize?

show: my charlie rose! Of course..
series: brain series.   With my favorite neuroscientist Eric kandel!
topic: aggression

Of course I have a deep and very personal interest in this area having been the victim of..  do I really need to repeat this crazy long list?!

abusive, aggressive alcoholics
bully's on school campus
Serial Rapists
     /forgive my language here Jesus, but

so many just kind of asshole~jerk types in the everyday...

low level aggression to extreme life threatening gun to the head aggression, so yes, you better believe I wanna know what the hell is going on with people?!?  My God..

what have we learned? What have we learned?

Of GREAT IMPORTANCE to (me!) personally..  well, and the words..

-the words as SHE spoke them; the very way SHE said them..

in spirit.. I walked up to the TV screen and kissed her.

"Thank you! Johanna Ray Vollhardt!!".   -it is exactly what I have been trying to say FOR YEARS!!   only..

you say it much better, and provide a wonderful explanation.

of what do I speak?   

There is absolutely NO NEW NEWS at first:

Essentially we are told, that victims of trauma and violence respond in one of two ways:

1. altruistically. -that is, having suffered and knowing how awful, they work to prevent others from having to endure the same.. Also defined as " pro-social."

2. Perpetuating more violence -seeking revenge, repeating the cycle, making sure others experience and know the pain they've suffered by inflicting it on others.   AKA: antisocial.

-we all already know that..  

but see here why I love my charlie rose:  /paraphrase:

"Do we know anything about why someone chooses the altruistic response vs. violent response?"

-this is really where I wish trumpets would blow and a man in a royal costume of some sort would bring a scroll which the entire world population would read together!

Johanna Ray Vollhardt is on the throne; as SHE should be, and summons all of us to read along.  Ready?

"..one of the mechanisms I've been studying is the idea that if you recognize your trauma, and victimization AS SIMILAR to what others have experienced, or are experiencing, or will experience

-that sense of SIMILARITY WITH OTHER GROUPS victimization,

which I call, " INCLUSIVE VICTIM CONSCIOUSNESS" can (I would replace the word can with does!)  -can contribute to the more pro-social path.

Whereas when people think their situation is unique or distinct;/that no one else has suffered in this way, as a group, or as an individual

-that makes violent or destructive response MORE LIKELY"


please re-read the above twelve times. Highlight. Process..

ACT on the knowledge that has been gained.


what I (me!)... What I have been saying for years!!

STOP telling stories, histories, of oppression, slavery in ISOLATION from one another

DO NOT tell about the black slaves in isolation from the holocaust and the Jews in isolation from the Chinese, the Irish, the Indians..etc, etc, etc!!  Women, gays.. 

It is 2015! For Gods sake.. We have patterns! Look from a greater distance

No matter the group.. The pattern is the same.  Oppression, slavery, evil, violence

-followed by uprisings, a long fight for freedom, human rights..

-followed by victory!  

I KNOW this is the WRITE THING TO DO..  but I have never articulated the WHY..

The WHY.. Was just articulated for (me!) By Johanna Ray Vollhardt:

-I've known it!   -here's the upshot:

-when people are told about their suffering in isolation from the suffering of other individuals or groups, this seems to result in  -anti-social behavior; revenge; perpetuating the cycle of violence.

-when people are told about their (individual or group) suffering ALONG WITH the suffering of others from many walks of life. -this results more often in pro-social behaviors; compassion, efforts to prevent and break and terminate trauma and violence from happening to others.

My God.. We need to ACT on this information; this knowledge.  -the potential impact to reduce suffering and violence is incalculable.

what I wouldn't give to be able to immediately change school curriculums and end any/all classes which teach about slavery of one group in isolation from others.

for this I pray.   Amen!

Friday, March 06, 2015

LAUGHTER for BREAKFAST from (my nephew!)

-he had to pick this book up off the front seat of my car before he could sit down

he goes, "auntie sandy   -when i first looked at the cover

i thought they ran out of room."

The most important thing SHE said: (diana nyad!)

she teaches a lot of very highly valuable lessons..  but one of the most important things SHE said

i must paraphrase:

"mind over matter is the luxury of a healthy brain."

-amen! & amen! sister..


and.. when i have time, i should like to review & research the charlie rose interview with a few men around the table.. veterans.. one who spoke of being both physically and mentally traumatized

i must paraphrase here also:

"trauma to the mind..  was far worse".    /and here it is valuable to know just how severely he was traumatized physically so you can take in the gravity of what he is explaining..

it remains one of the unaccomplished (unaccomplishable?) purposes of my life:

what is the closest i have come?

quadriplegia is to the physical body
PTSD is to the mind;

only even worse than that.


and I'm not going to just turn to a different page or chapter here; but to an entirely different book:

I'm also struggling to communicate this:

fabric is to skin
photos are to eyes.

-because quite literally..  it seems i don't just see photographs but feel them

when i say feel.. I don't mean emotionally.  I mean like texture..  Smooth or bumpy, silky or sticky

like that.

-thoroughly enjoying my weekly visits to the Finland photographer: lightscrape.blogspot.com

like a quilter (quiltor?) does a fabric store.

The Nature of my Walks photos by (me!) Sandra, tvgp


Thursday, March 05, 2015

ROCKSTAR WRITER as seen by (me!) sandra, tvgp

i think i have a poem by the same name; or very close.  written after my fingers touched a keyboard that seemed immediately custom made for my hands.. the greatest fit ever..  smooth beyond belief. and within that poem i also change the words a little and reference elton johns, pinball wizard song.

I'd give anything if i could attach a device to my brain which would allow me to share with you the music video that plays in my mind when i  hear that song.   i believe such a technology will one day exist because for 1.  the visuals that play in my mind are so vivid and clear and 2. its the exact direction everything is heading; access inside the brains and minds..

like anything and everything else; it will also be used for both good and evil.  and like everything else, it will primarily be used for good; just never exclusively.   <----- permanent condition of this world I'm afraid.

anyway.. allow me here to imagine it, and imagine it used for the good:  what a cool music video plays in my mind!

please play pinball wizard song in the background. it triggers the video; the images.  they never appear without music; nor to any other song.

forgive the ego; i am the star of this particular video.  it starts when i am very young. you see me as a child learning to write on that very large lined tan paper, with red hyphen size lines and thick blue lines which are there to guide children in learning the size of capital letter vs. lower case and to write straight across the page vs. how writing tends to tilt on a blank page.

and so, there i am..  learning to hand-write; awkward at first; gradually improving as all children do.

and you see me writing for school, -but also, more importantly, writing at home; in my own notebook for my own pleasure

-because i can.

and then it speeds through my elementary, middle school, and high school years..  always writing..  school, home..  home, school,  -helping others with their writing assignments..

and the tools change, exactly as they have changed during the course of my life:

pencil to lined paper.
pen to blank paper.
manual typewriter.
electric typewriter.
PC keyboard.
laptop (keyboard attached)
back to detached keyboard; plastic
glass keyboard (i-pad)
to phone..
the tiny glass keyboard you can only two thumb type on.

but i see myself.. no matter where.. school, home, college, work..  writing, writing, writing..

filling shelves worth of journals.. then a big fire where I toss them all in..

new journals..

then articles for the newspapers..  marketing brochures, emails, resumes, poems, short stories... 

during certain parts of the song; especially the opening..

i see myself typing write-handed, left-handed, on a table, behind my back, writing with one hand while the other hand does some other task.  playing the computer keyboard the way the great entertainers play the piano.. standing up, sitting down, hitting keys with my feet, spinning around.. backwards, sideways..    then i strum the keyboard like a guitar..i am a rockstar..and do the big circle gesture with my arm i think peter frampton is famous for..

"...that deaf, dumb and blind girl...

SHE sure plays a mean keyboard...

how do you think SHE does it?   i don't know.  -what makes her so good?

SHE ain't got no distractions, can't hear no buzz or bells.."

/during that part.. i  see myself typing up a storm with my young kids all active around me but i  am oblivious..

"..always gets a replay, -never tilts at all..."


it's like a really cool music video if i  do say so myself.

and me being (me!)..   i can't help but be fascinated with our ability. -that is, the ability within all of us

to have this amazing movie screen in our imaginations entirely separate from the practical outside world; private if we choose

-or manifest into actual movies, music videos, if we want and can..

-this particular song triggers what I've just described

-more and very often, i see entire large dance teams in amazingly choreographed numbers to any given song i might be listening to..


in the real world, you have to first actually choreograph a number.. then practice, then perform

in my imagination all of the prep work has already been done. i just get to see awesome! amazing! fantastic performances by what appear to be the worlds greatest dancers..

of course! i wish you could see them too!

Wednesday, March 04, 2015

"Follow" photo by (me!) sandra, tvgp

-its been a while since i've posed ricky & picky for a photo.. i am crazy in love with this candle holder though..  so wanted a picture.. but all pictures i take here are more fun with..  

Tuesday, March 03, 2015

updated headshot ..of the current (me!) sandra, tvgp

" thanks dad!!".  /and kind photographer person...

oh my goodness! is that (me!) sandra, tvgp?

well, yes. but several years and hairstyles ago...   to JCPenney I go..

How I Lost 10 LBS in ONE DAY by (me!) sandra, tvgp

wish you could have seen their expressions.. I go, "wanna know how I lost 10 lbs in one day?"

they looked at me as if I was about to whisper a stock tip that would send them into early retirement.

I go, "I stopped carrying a purse."

/where are the drum rolls when you need them...

anyway..  as you know, its true. I no longer lug a bunch of stuff around with me everywhere I go.   (See post titled: I Wanna Be Like A Man)

and I've been wondering what else I might learn from male creatures..

what I learned most recently is that I do already have the male shopping gene.   MSG.

how do I know?   if I've never actually been tested?   -fair question, fair question.

  -but its the same way I know I'm part Irish (i love beer + poetry) and part Italian (my hands go everywhere when I talk or dance..)

I'm a very observant person.   -that's all you really need.  -skip the blood tests, -look for patterns:

I.e.,    there was just the other day a husband and wife shopping for a new couch.

husband:  looks great, let's load it in the truck and go.
wife: let's think about it, measure it, bring a sample fabric home, check some other stores..

and I just don't struggle with shopping decisions the way I see other females do; nor do I take much pleasure in the looking around..

do I like it; yes. Is it within my budget; yes.  -done.  Let's go..

so there you have it.  I am quite obviously a part Irish, part Italian

Guy.  -who happens to bleed once a month or so, and cry easily.


Monday, March 02, 2015

Fantasy Brain Subcommittee Ball by (me!) sandra, tvgp

So, my understanding of fantasy football teams is that you get to pick your favorite players from any variety of actual teams and create an imaginary team of your very own..  

it will not surprise (me!) at all if the very idea and name are the brainchild of a

male.     -because well, it involves football and fantasies and

it triggers this memory of my brother when he was younger:

because i think i remember him creating a 'fantasy' girlfriend..

-that's where,  instead of the girlfriend you actually have, you invent the girlfriend you wish you had

something like this:

my fantasy (my = my brother at about age.. 16)

/I will just make up some names, k

my fantasy is,

mary's body
stephanie's face
elizabeth's personality
ruth's sense of humor
catherine's voice
christy's legs
tonya's butt
claire's hair..

etc., etc.  -you get the picture.   -there is a natural instinct in all of us

/quite pronounced during adolescence

to, well,   -make things perfect.    and people; make people perfect.

oh, girls do it too, you know..

Michaels athleticism
Tony's voice
Joel's wallet
Noah's eyes
Russell's crowe
robin's humor
jack's confidence..

anyway..   It all got me to thinkin' about "my fantasy brain initiative subcommittee panel"

like,  -if I could create the team I wanted from the various fields..

obviously the current team is not winning the way they should; nor are they meeting my every need by being exclusively what I want and need and desire from head to toe, -everyday, all the time

what's a woman who actually cares about someone other than herself to do?

I take the lead from men!  current team not....   enough?

imagine a new one!

very well,

i mean, I sent the current team out months ago with the very clearly communicated objective of locating the 'i-care' neuron.


it was just after I saw a man blow his cigarette smoke in an elderly woman's face and refer to her as a bitch..    without caring at all!

and in the same day encountered a truly kind and respectful young teen avoiding a social scene because he was concerned about his acne.   -he cared what people would think   -of his appearance.

the first guy I mentioned.. he didn't care about how he behaved..
he didn't care about respecting the senior woman.. he didn't care if his smoke was intrusive or unpleasant to anyone else..

and then the teen..   -so, juxtapose those for me in your imagination:

guy A:  cares about nothing and no one other than himself.
guy B: cares about his appearance even though his character and behavior are good.

-where is that care neuron?

but I am off track, aren't I.   back to my fantasy brain initiative subcommittee ball team:

there should be at least:

one neuroscientist.
one anesthesiologist.
one psychiatrist.
one pharmacist.
one comedian.
one artist.
one spiritualist from every faith.
one adult. One child.
one introvert.
One extrovert.
one relatively healthy person
One near death.
one woman. one man.
one actor
one master chess player.
one social butterfly.
and only one! politician.
one utterly and completely random person from the streets.

I really believe it is only with an interdisciplinary team that the puzzle can be put together.   -a little knowledge and insight from them over there; a little experience and wisdom from them write here...


I see now, why this fantasy football team making is so much fun!

-because suddenly I feel like I just might have a chance to win!


Dear Beloved A.I teams.. its (me!) again, -sandra, tvgp

i am purusing the minds i by hofstadter & dennet.  whenever i read or watch anything about how hard scientists are working to create robots that are like humans..

well, all it ever does for me is increase my wow and awe factor for what masterpieces human beings actually are!

what seems to happen for a percentage of A.I. specialists and enthusiasts however, is that they start believing they actually can create a human being.

now, i just want remind you that your goal should always remain to create robots and artificial intelligence which serves and helps humanity; period.

drones, for example..  the potential! to retrieve lifesaving information without the risk of losing a human pilot!



if you went and created a drone with a pilot robot so sophisticated it was indistinguishable from a human..

now you have a drone and pilot robot trying to figure out how to create something that will prevent its death too;   -write.


I didn't word that write. Let me try again.

one of the reasons, in war, for example, robots can be helpful

is because if we can use robots instead of human beings; we can spare human lives.

but if you create a robot that is ...human.   all that initial robot work was for what?!   you would run write back into the initial problem.


FOUND! a poem by (me!) sandra, tvgp

i see God
in the roll of green hills
in the shape of all clouds
in the space of our every sky

i hear God
in the honk of each geese
in the good of all greetings
in every answer and every why?

i touch God
in the bare of my feet
in the cheek of my kiss
in the pen of my very write hand.

i drink God
in the hot of my coffee
in the fresh of my juice
in every rain drop that on my tongue lands

i eat God
in the tender of my meat
in the peel of my potato
in the full spoon of every dessert

i smell God
in the eden of my garden
in the clean of old clothes
in the stains of every blue collared shirt

i experience God
in the mind of my peace
in the free of my will
in the broken of every heart beating

i know God
in the now of my being
in the before of all men
and in the after of this life so fleeting.

The Nature of My Walks.. photos by (me!) sandra, tvgp


Sunday, March 01, 2015

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime (on broadway!)

-saw it on CBS Sunday Morning TODAY!   -one of my favorite, favorite fiction books of all time!  and my most beloved Christopher..
Oh! What I wouldn't give to see this..

/plus!  Missing.. A big VOID from my personally inscribed autographed books collection:   mark haddon.

but I remember reading they created a mechanized device to mimic his signature because no human being can really sign that many books..

how selfish is it of me to still want one anyway?  Not the machine!

for this I pray..  Amen.

wait!  forgot an important part!

in Jesus Name!   amen.

Is she sorry she asked? (Me!) sandra, tvgp..

..poor Anne.. she was probably just trying to make some friendly brief conversation..  "What's your favorite song?"

I think now, I was supposed to just say one song title and then ask her what her favorite song is?   -write.    but my brain STILL has not turned off this question..

"Well..  my current favorite country song is better life by keith urban.. and my favorite current Christian song.. Is DO SOMETHING by Matthew west.. That oughta be our national anthem.. My favorite   love song write now is probably ed sheerans 'thinking out loud' song.. And the sexiest song ever written.. that would have to be crash by Dave Matthews.. Followed by crush.. Also by Dave Matthews.. My favorite classic rock.. That would probably be dream weaver, maybe..  Favorite alternative.. Riptide by Vance joy..   Then there Marc broussard for blues..     To dance to?  Oh my God.. that's a long list..   Marmalade?  Some Michael Jackson or Jackson 5..  I like it fun and motown funky...   what woman sings that ooo LA LA song I never hear anymore but love..   favorite musical music.. Rent..    Classical...  Opera...     best performance I've ever witnessed on TV.. Beth hart, I'd rather be blind...  

I need help shutting off my brain from this question...

Best way is to hand it over. " how bout you? What's your favorite song?"

it is impossible to answer a question like this without realizing you are leaving thousands of songs out that you know you love...

..."amazing by one Eskimo!". What genre is that?..