SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

Delicious Meal, Slice of Cheesecake, Sip of Cognac -answered prayers of the highest kind

 

posted by SANDRA HARRISON KAY @ 10:50 AM 2 comments

museum of the bible, washington d.c. -high recommend, from (robert! & sandra!)

 just like anthropologie, it was not just the artifacts, the displays, the history, the merchandising, the art, the sculptures

it is the building itself   -spacious, gracious, gorgeous!

and old books..   almost all old books, but especially the Bible, 

speaks to my giize..     old paper, old books, old bricks, old trees;  -magnetically call me

anything hand written..      -these hand written Bibles!   which can take a year and a half to complete..

how can you not be wow'd!

and i agree, there is a life force infused in handwritten Bibles that does not exist in printed or digital versions, even though the words are exactly the same

***

and so, we traveled to washington d.c., maryland, virginia  -not as a vacation or as tourists; rather, the destination wedding was the beautiful priority, and everything else was bonus

knowing we had a couple extra days, and my husband having already 'been there, done that.'  -since it was my first and maybe only time being there, i was gifted the opportunity to choose what i most wanted to see/visit while we were there

from t.v. shows i've seen over the years, i had 3 goals

spy museum

museum of the Bible

planet word

     -planet word is a natural want to when you are a writer/artist/poet; but it was closed when we were in the best position to go visit..

perhaps, one day, we will return.

i did also try, and submitted the emails/letters to visit the white house, but the day they confirmed, was the same day as the wedding and it could apparently not be corrected. 

amen. 

posted by SANDRA HARRISON KAY @ 12:03 PM 0 comments

What trauma, victory & peace have in common by (me!) ~topps

 fresh off watching, PBS, Your Brain, Who's In Control, season 50, episode 10.

    -most grateful it answered a question about how trauma gets passed from one generation to the next.  i remember the first time someone shared this with me

my initial reaction, was  -honey, they are teaching you a bunch of BS..   /which i thought to myself, but did not share out loud

how could a trauma (PTSD) be passed on  -biologically?  i understand, responses/behaviors could be passed on,  

i.e.,  grandparent experienced trauma of losing a loved one to a car accident which involved a drunk driver

parents were raised with hyper awareness surrounding drinking/driving..  and they raised their children with the same concerns, which influences decisions/behaviors..   -not genes; write?

but, a biological,  -dna-  gene change resulting from trauma carried forward to the next generation?  i doubted it..   oh my goodness did i pass PTSD on to my double blessings?    let this knowledge increase the prison sentence for predators!  criminals! evil-doers! 

  -also, what do we make of people, passed child bearing age, who will never have off-spring..  what about these trauma survivors..

anyway, 

in this episode, bianca jones marlin, PhD, columbia university explains in a way that i can understand.

    'trauma changes the way genes activate in the body and in the brain'

 giving a synopsis here:

she studies mice.  she creates a shock which is permanently associated with the smell of almond for the given mice.

smell almond/shock..    trauma.   repeat.

what she noticed and observed, is that this resulted in a GROWTH of new cells in the noses of the mice; it created (gave birth to) more cells dedicated to the smell of almonds.  (receptor cells, expressing..)

let me make up numbers:  prior to the almond/shock implementation  - 50 cells which responded to the smell of almond

after (?) number of smell almond/get shocked experiences..  -100 cells which now respond..

and most importantly, 

she observed that the off spring of these mice, were born with a higher number of cells dedicated to the smell of almonds

it did get passed to the next generation.    ( i clearly understand this!  thank you!)

she went on to say,  -to sum up what has been learned

  'there is memory which is maintained in sperm; in egg; in implantation and then represented in off spring'     and  'it is as if we are observing a change in evolution over the time span of one generation'

and 'i think that's fascinating'

******

i experienced a great deal of pretty severe trauma in my youth; multiple traumas

there is no itemizing how many new cells my experiences gave birth to!    -that would be awesome to have only one..     almond/shock

that is so manageable..

And God only knows, what extra receptor cells expressing fear/paralysis/hypervigilance, i genetically passed on to my off-spring as a result

but i'd like to focus on this:   that what is true of trauma, is also true of peace, faith, love

look what has happened in just one generation when it comes to joel osteen, and/or joyce meyer

   let's take joel osteen.. his father, born into dysfunction/poverty, was the first in his family to give his life to Christ at age 17..

he dedicated his life to ministry..   i believe many more Jesus receptor cells were created, which made an association between Jesus, as Lord & Savior and peace and love and a victorious life  -many more cells growing..    (also saying,  this is important) 

obviously! this was passed on to his off spring 

look at joel osteen in the compaq center.    you can do the same science and math with joyce meyer,  -look what happened in just one generation..!    no one with faith, generations of incest and dysfunction, and she gave her life to Jesus,    -the chainbreaker, pain taker, way maker..

and in just one generation..   today all four of her children also serve the ministry

***

and my own personal testimony, life story, is pretty compelling

without bullet pointing, rehashing all the traumas, i'm going to point this out

   prior to having children, a son, a daughter,   -tons of trauma; severe PTSD

   i have been cultivating a relationship with Jesus for many, many years now  -through prayer, through Bible teachers, through reading the Bible, through articles,  etc.

there was still another trauma to experience/process/handle, after my children were grown..  so, i'm not concerned about passing it to the next generation

what astonishes me, is that, i know some adults now, who are participating in grief counseling

that doesn't astonish me, 

what does, is that, i have zero need or desire for trauma therapy, for counseling, for medicine, for outside help..

when robert's sister was violently murdered in 2019..    especially if you consider that i had PTSD, earlier on, which would increase my risk for..

but, i had so cultivated a relationship with Jesus by this time..

and i credit exclusively, my Christianity, as the reason i coped so well, and continue to..

     i wish i had before & after xrays of my inner-self, my mind, my heart, my spirit, 

prior to being kidnapped/raped; prior to having a gun at my temple; prior to the bank robbery..

renewing my mind daily..    becoming a new creature..   experiencing peace beyond human understanding..    becoming more than a conqueror..   living to experience 'due season'

living a victorious life..

long list.

my life experiences inspire me to share that beginning and cultivating a relationship with Jesus; becoming a believer; a Christian; walking in love; fighting the good fight of faith..

finding and remaining on the narrow path..

i would only encourage this        -have you experienced trauma?  are you the innocent child of someone(s) who experienced trauma and passed it on to you?

Let Jesus get a hold of you.  Get a hold of Jesus.  Let Jesus be your invisible BFF

****

as a result of my life experiences; observations; studies, etc.

i think re-living traumatic events in controlled environments to help desensitize an individual, or 'heal' them

is the most stupid, counter-productive practice ever; it is a dangerous way to treat trauma and causes further damage.

    -dilute trauma; do not engrave it.

****

worth study:  holocaust survivors; their off spring; any families (members) who gave their life to Jesus; increased their peace cells; love cells;   -and passed this on to the next generation

Jesus is like the opposite of trauma.   Jesus is the antidote 

****

we are flesh and spirit

our brain (flesh)   -there is no end to how you can trick it; tease it; challenge it..  provide optical illusions; puzzles..    false/positives..   

when the motive is to learn, understand, help, serve, aid, cross-train, educate, enlighten;  -all good.

when the motive is to undermine; manipulate, deceive/trick with ill intention; create unnecessary doubt & insecurities;  -no good.

***

we are flesh and spirit

our bodies (flesh)   -i am so grateful to see the advances in medicine & science; specifically, by learning about the connection between the brain and motor skills and touch sensory

today, doctors can take a person who has had a stroke and lost 'feeling' in a hand, a leg..

and by some pretty remarkable achievements in surgery, they can  (layperson vocabulary here..) they can insert and adjust and fix the connection between the brain and hand, for example

so, now the person can actually  'feel' the book in their hand, and also, can use their mind + computer to ask their hand to pick up the book, and use motor skills they lost due to the stroke

this is remarkable! awesome!  wonderful!   (it's flesh)   -keep going..

and A.I. is also making remarkable achievements!

my goodness, A.I. can carry on a conversation, give advice, create new recipes, write poetry, songs...

  -what robots can do..    what computers can do..

they can 'feel' and process and respond to texture

   -but, it would be when an A.I. manifestation, feels insecure; feels peaceful/content; feels inspired  (not programmed to..

autonomously    -moved to tears and laughter  (not programmed to....)     internally experiences awe...

when an A.I. manifestation, is motivated by love to keep going, in the face of great exhaustion..

when A.I. has its feelings hurt, and needs to forgive others and/or itself..

****

every advance increases my awe & appreciation of the human being as a true masterpiece.

in Jesus name,  hallelujah & amen. 

****

add on..    really not so new, this information..     eric kandel, had prior shared..

 ALL repeat experiences (traumatic, mundane, joyful) increase cells dedicated to...

which is why, for example, a food taste tester's taste bud cells will increase with time/experience..

why, i probably only had 2 paper-loving cells, but i worked with this paper, that paper, over and over, and i'm certain i grew additional paper-aware-receptors, i became much more savvy about identifying different papers with my eyes closed..

it is my belief and understanding, that while the 'trauma gets passed to off spring' was explained well, 

   -it's just not exclusive to trauma

we know this already, don't we..    new cell growth throughout your entire life, and repetition of specific experiences will result in increases of that dedicated responsive/expressive cell, specifically.

more later, 

amen. 

posted by SANDRA HARRISON KAY @ 7:25 PM 0 comments

greatest re-read! for (me!) ~topps undercover agent

 no way i could visit the spy museum, and not re-read my all time favorite spy related story the day i returned home!  and i will repeat here.. about the 'expert' who said we laugh more in the company of others, it's a social thing, and not so much when we are alone.

FALSE

i was alone, re-reading fear of spying, and laughing so hard i had to stop, take a break, get my breath back, and dive back in..

and then!  the laughter was just as intense re-reading his columns on the economy, geography..

and i'm going to honor my literature giize here, by re-typing some excerpts:

Fear of Spying    -august 3rd, 1977,  by Ray Orrock for the Daily Review, Bay Area, California

**

...skip to..

THERE ARE A number of other careers I could have chosen, I suppose.  Being a spy is one of them.  I know spies lead exciting lives because I read a lot of espionage novels, and sometimes I get so excited just reading about the things spies do that I have to put the book down, go out to the kitchen, and make myself a sandwich.

And once in a while, I find myself daydreaming about being a spy.  In some ways, I think I might have been a good one.

FOR ONE THING, spies smoke a lot of cigarettes -- and I've always been very good at smoking.  Another thing spies do a lot is sit in cafe booths, sipping absinthe.  I like sitting in cafe booths, but I'm not too crazy about absinthe.  I tried it once and it tasted just terrible.  I don't see any reason why I couldn't sit in a cafe booth and sip bourbon, though, or even a diet cola.

But, despite these occasional daydreams, deep in my heart I know I could never make it as a spy.  That's because I lack one essential talent that every spy must have:  The ability to remember a message the first and only time he hears it.

I JUST FINISHED reading an espionage novel in which one spy is walking down the street, waiting to be contacted by a second spy.  Suddenly a figure comes upon him from behind, walking briskly, and as this second figure strides past, he leans over and whispers "St. George Hotel.  Room 268, Nine-thirty tonight.  Ask for Mr. Graber.  Give your name as Griswold."   And, in a flash, the whisperer darts across the street and loses himself in the crowd.  The contact has been made.

Now, what knocks me out is that that night --at precisely 9:30-- the first spy walks into the lobby of the St. George Hotel and says to the desk clerk, "I'm Mr. Griswold. Would you please phone Mr. Graber in 268 and announce me?"

THERE IS NO WAY in God's world I could do that.  I have enough trouble trying to remember the two or three items my wife sent me to the store for--and I'm usually looking right at her when she tells me.

If a fellow spy whizzed past me in the street and whispered a message like that and then disappeared into the crowd, I'd immediately start running after him and shouting:  "Hey! Wait a sec! What hotel did you say? What room? What time?  Gimmee those names again!"

And, failing to catch him that night--anytime between six-thirty and quarter to eleven--I'd wonder into the lobby of the Holiday Inn and say to the desk clerk: "Good evening. My name is Greaseball.  Or possibly Gresham.  I'd like to speak to Mr. Gable in room 862."

And, when told that there was no one by that name registered there, I'd probably panic and start babbling things like, "Uh... well, then how about a Ginsberg in 628? Or do you have a Gerber in 826?  Or a Cosgrove in 497?  Aw, hell; what do you have?"  And pretty soon some enemy agents would come along and take me away and stand me up against some wall and shot me.  ..

****

and i share that in common with my favorite columnist, which is probably why it makes me laugh so hard.  we are earnest, if that skill matters at all,   -but next to knowing my (lack of) memory eliminates me from ever becoming a spy

   even if some hyper-advanced brain surgery could improve my memory, we'd need to stay under the knife to fix my sense of direction and understanding of world geography 

-he wrote about that too:   (excerpt, which way to zanzibar may 13th 1985)

...My own blind spot is geography.

OH, I CAN make it home from work at night and I have occasionally reached nearby cities without getting lost enroute.  But on a statewide scale I am a babe in the woods, on a national scale I am a dunce and on a worldwide scale I would score several notches below a visitor from another planet.

If you say to me; "Where are the New Hebrides?"  my eyes will begin to fill with tears and my lower lip will start to quiver.  And if you were to take pity on me and try to make amends with something like, ; "Well, that's a pretty tough one, Let's try something easier.  Uh.. where is Yellowstone National Park?"  I would burst into tears and run blindly from the room.

....       THE TRUTH IS, HOWEVER, that I haven't the faintest idea where Ceylon is--or any other place I can't see from the roof of my house on a clear day.

For years I thought Washington D.C., was somewhere near the Great Lakes.  Only recently I learned it's not there at all.  I can't remember where it is, but it isn't there.

ACTUALLY, I LIKE to travel and visit new places.  I've been to Japan and Hong Kong and a number of spots that the average person may never visit.  But I was always taken there, and I never paid much attention to the turns that were made along the way.  If I had to find my way back to Hong Kong I would be in a hell of a fix, I can assure you.

PROBABLY, I'LL BE ABLE to get by with this blind spot for the rest of my life.  But if geographical expertise ever becomes a condition of citizenship in this country, I'll just have to pack up and move to Tahiti.

Which, as I recall, is just off the coast of Norway. 

     /and i just crack up every time i read that column in its entirety..    i laugH at all the things i can painfully relate to    -it seemed like every social situation was custom designed to unveil another blind spot; an ignorance; A lack of knowledge that eVeryone else but me seem to have..    so, to read, that a successful professional, a husband/dad, a college graduate..    had the same blind spots..

i cannot articulate how refreshing, helpful, Edifying, comforting.   -ray orrock was funny and light-hearted about it, he didn't let it undermine his sense of self-worth..   he put his weaknesses in print for everyone to read  -he used them to entertain people!   

that's when i First started to realize, i belong qUite specifically in the entertaiNment industry.

anyway, 

at the spy museum, they provide you with these plastic cards, and in addition to just walking around the museum, checking out all the gadgets, displays..   you can pretend to be an actual undercover spy.  you just take your card to this machine to register; then you choose some pictures under severe time restrictions, which reveal countless and very private personality traits to total strangers, but which will ultimately provide you with your unique code word; your unique pretend/spy cover occupation, and then an overview of your assignment  -geographically speaking-   where you would be traveling  

no surprise that i didn't get far.  i can't even take the count-down clock in the upper write hand corner of the computer monitors at the library. even if i'm the only one there, and it gives me an hour

    -something very distracting, and slightly disturbing about a count-down clock.   i have to tape paper over it, cover it somehow, if  i stand any chance of being productive.   but this count-down clock is used everywhere..  

  -purchasing online, amazon.    it says, hurry..  you better hurry...   hurry or else....

and, so, when the pictures showed up on the monitor at the spy museum,   -it wasn't a count-down clock, but there was a message, something like,    Answer Quickly! You Are Being Timed.

and so, the unexpected pressure caused me to click on a picture of the ocean instead of the picture of the cat in a tree

you can't go back.  you can't change your mind.    i've already ruined my assignment

stupid game.

but just about the time i was going to give up 

my undercover name and occupation (to be seen/read one time, and one time only) popped up on the screen:    crafty; photographer

         even i can remember that!   and for a few fleeting seconds i was game to be an international undercover spy on a top secret mission

the next screen showed..

   the next screen had like some odd shapes, dotted lines..   and something about indonesia

so, i placed my plastic undercover mission card in my back pocket 

    i am topps! -here with my sexy.   we are RETIRED 

    - our mission is to enjoy a self-guided, self-paced, fun-filled tour of all things intriguing

***

mission accomplished! 

***

i was thinkin' on the flight home, how i am like, the opposite of a spy. or, maybe, my skill level is so high, i can cause real spies to view my ineptness with suspicion!  must be a coverup...  

'cuz i do know things.  i just can't remember what i know, or where i put it.

**

anyway again, 

i so appreciate ray orrocks fear of spying, and which way to zanzibar, 

and then i also laugh pretty hard at his writings covering politics and economics:

economics made simple, august 10th, 1983 & notes of interest may 12th 1983

       so many great defintions/descriptions/explanations

THERE ARE TWO BASIC terms to keep in mind:  simple interest, which is interest paid to people who aren't very bright; and compound interest, which is the interest on a loan taken out to build a prison-yard.

THE MAIN TROUBLE with economy right now is Inflation, which comes from a compound Latin word: in- meaning not or no, and flatus, meaning gas.  We have Inflation because we have no gas.  The Arabs have all the gas.  The Arabs control the flow of gas through an organization called OPEC, which stands for, "Our Prices Escalate Constantly"...

ONE OF THE EFFECTS of Inflation is discovering that, if you pay all your bills, you won't have any money left for food.  Conversely, if you buy enough food to survive, you won't have enough money left to pay your bills.  This poses a serious dilemma for people who have grown accustomed to eating.

...

ONE WAY TO BEAT Inflation is to buy stocks that appreciate in value at a rate greater than the inflation rate itself.  The thing to be careful about here is to buy only those stocks that are going to go up.  Many frivolous people make the mistake of buying stocks that are about to go down, and have only themselves to blame for the mess they soon find themselves in.  

There are two kinds of stocks:  common and preferred.  The difference between them is that common stocks are printed on coarse low-grade paper, and preferred stocks are printed on glossy, high-quality paper.  Otherwise, they're pretty much the same.

OTHER TERMS THAT may have confused you are:

business cycle-- what we'll all be riding to our place of business if gas goes up much more.

sinking funds--   the average paycheck

capital expenditures--  money spent in Washington D.C. -- the cause of sinking funds.

escrow--  a Mexican raven.

the good old days--   two months ago.

Basically, what it comes down to is that productivity has fallen into an inflationary-recessive spiral in which indiscriminate pump-priming has resulted in an unfavorable balance of trade, confiscatory taxation, contemporary paralysis, conciliatory oratory, and peanut butter at $4 a jar.

I hope this has helped clear things up.  Next week I plan to do a similar piece on nuclear fission.

****

            /and read his writing from 1970's; 1980's; 1990's

add in some internet, cell phones, social media, but the fundamentals remain the same in 2023.

if i were teaching..   his collection of columns in this book would be mandatory reading, and we would spend entire classes discussing the craft, the content, the discipline, the humor, the truth, the brilliance, the light-heartedness, the seriousness, the we are more alike, than we are unalike, aspect of slice of life writings from a bay area columnist who wrote for the Daily Review, out of Hayward, California. 

a true treasure in my personally inscribed books collection.   a wonderful, funny re-read.              amen. 

posted by SANDRA HARRISON KAY @ 4:36 PM 0 comments

#Giize as experienced by (me!) ~topps

 currently, in pleasant overwhelm; way more things i want to write about than time/energy to write them.  big competition:  PBS's your brain season 50, episodes 9 & 10   who's in control & perception deception;  driving in washington DC;  time/experiences in Washington DC; spy museum, museum of the Bible; wedding/reception, family visits, encounters; countless answered prayers involving children, parents, siblings, friends.. about writing..  garden/flowers/trees, nature of our walks..  layers of 'figuring out' fun vs. annoying..  our prayer life..  about art, about color, about mortality, about joy, about cleaning, about the internet, dreams, goals,    about birds, bird watching, about cooking, hospitality, about bricks and trees, trees and bricks  -and would be unable to itemize just how many answered prayers we are experiencing this year..    and what a very special, remarkable, year this is!  -about 'most important books everyone should read'   -and writing about A.I. is neck and neck with all of it..  and so, imparting some advise to 20/30 something year olds

***

starting here with giize    -it is my own, very new, as in,  just now, word, i'm from here on out using to describe the part of us that responds in a positive, pleasurable way, to truth, beauty, color, landscapes, tender moments, exchanges of kindness we might witness..  on and on

it is, quite specifically, a holy, evolved spiritual part of us, a spirit response, not a flesh response

flesh responses require a different word; unique to it; as a part of us

i.e.,  a flesh response might salivate at junk food; a flesh response might dance at the sight of (fake) jewels; costume jewelry..  might respond to name-dropping..   price-dropping..   self-serving, superficial things.. 

giize, on the other hand, is an evolved response; discerning; mature; elevated; experienced/insightful; pure; it is natural, it is -real-    it is an experience that, in fact, introduces us to our divine self and nature  (the way, identifying ego introduces us to our insecure and status oriented fleshly self) 

i repeat here:   ego is to flesh, as spirit is to conscience, and/or flesh is to ego; as conscience is to spirit

giize can only be experienced (interpreted) and identified by enlightened individuals who have already learned and understand and experience that distinction in themselves:  flesh vs. spirit, 

and those who live lives habitually honoring spirit over flesh.      Galatians 6:8

***

is there already a word to capture this experience?  -there may be, but i am not knowledgable of it.  i am very familiar with 'ego'    -this word has been used in casual and formal conversations my entire life..

   -conscience-  i'm also, very familiar with, but in daily, casual or formal conversations, it barely ever gets mentioned

enlightment  -familiar; falls somewhere in the middle in terms of conversational use

but, when we stop,  -stop in our tracks, to regard something that delights us..     isn't that beautiful..   oh! look at that!   -when we are adoring something, adorable..     when we are inspired by a color, a conversation, something we see through the window while driving by..   fleeting, and/or something we stand in front of and are inspired to gaze upon for a longer time..

     -when that 'something' is holy, pure, true and good; and we delight in it..    giize (pronounced guys..  influenced by guide/eyes), but this is our inner eyes..    -if you are blind, an aroma will introduce you to your giize, or vibrations from certain music..    

but, can we all agree, that the flesh can also be very stimulated and responsive to unholy, tainted, false and bad things..     drugs for example

a drug addict might light up on the inside at the sight of  (given drug); but this is not giize..

a thief might light up on the inside at the sight of something expensive to steal...     this is not giize.

it is not exclusive to the 'lighting up' on the inside feeling, but factors in the what/why/how; the motivation and intention

***

what inspired the birth of this word, is how sensitive i am to beauty, nature..   how i absolutely must capture with my own eyes, and often, i must take a picture!    i mean, my giize..

i delight in every bloom of my roses, i delight in watching our ginkgo leaf out, our crape myrtle leaf out, i delight in the tiny white blooms in our dichondra!

and hasn't it been my prayer, my goal for a good long time..   as i can witness and review in my own vision board,   increase my sensitivity to beauty & truth...

it would be my desire then, to actually start to use the word myself, and as time goes by, here others..

  -in proportion to how often we hear/use/employ the word 'ego'

when someone (who walks in the spirit, not the flesh)  stops to regard and delight in something beautiful    'that's your giize..         what a sensitive giize...      i must pause to honor my giize...

giize time...         giize tour...     great giize experience..     best giize memories..      this speaks to my giize

and p.s., giize is unique to each individual..  some might delight in paintings, some photography, some cars, some antiques,  this music/that music..   snow vs. tropics..   -infinite possibilities and lots of fusion and overlap

***

speaking of:  a great deal of art is existing in airports..   and, at the pace we were going, the majority of it was going entirely ignored..

but i did have to slow my sexy down..    i just want this one picture...

      /and it is at the risk of being annoying.. but, i knew we had the time to spare..  so i honored my own, unique, giize by going back several yards, taking this picture, and then returning to our hurried pace

this is called, champagne delivery, 2016 by bill renc.

***  i love it! ****

i admit here, i do not love it enough to purchase it,  and Lord knows our wall space is already filled anyway, but i did love it enough to stop my sexy after we had already passed it by..    it like, called me back, if you will..       my giize

and it was surrounded on both sides by other paintings; none of which elicited the same response from my giize

but, this one..  champagne delivery..

well, if giize has a synonymous icon/graphic, it would simply be   !   but with a heart as the dot, to indicate a spiritual, not fleshly, response 

anyway,  -very common practice at Disneyland.. you go on the ride of your life.. and get dropped off, and must exit through the gift store, where it is also very common for people to shop for a tangible memory of the fun they just had..

this can be either harmless, or harmful, depending on your age,  income, impulse control awareness, etc.

but, it's pretty much the same thing at work here..   our new beautiful daughter-in-law had taken us on a night time tour of the monuments in d.c.

extraordinary!  -i could hardly believe i was there!   and to see them lit up!   and to walk from this one, to that one, with people i love, on a perfect climate night, safe, secure and allowed to actually enjoy the experience; take in the sculptures, the memorials, the history..

truly exquisite

and i have pictures on my phone, and printed out a few...   but what bill's painting does, even though it is painted in day light, it captures the spirit of our experience..   champagne ='s celebration, and it is just ultra cool that it is traveling by air balloon, and d.c, the monuments tour elicits patriotism, so i love the red, white & blue balloons (balloons & champagne = party/celebration, which is pretty much what we did the entire time we were there..   and they were some of my favorite things to see.. monument and lincoln memorial..

  in one painting, the experience and feeling of the experience, is captured.   it makes me happy to look upon it..

i'm going to skip here, all the stuff that goes along with taking pictures of art, vs. purchasing it..

and move on, by just saying "thank you!"       i have no wall space, but love your champagne delivery painting.  it spoke directly to my giize.

****

posted by SANDRA HARRISON KAY @ 1:20 PM 0 comments

"CH!" for (me!) sandra, tvgp

posted by SANDRA HARRISON KAY @ 10:00 AM 0 comments

diapers to diapers 13th anniversary! ever grateful..

 

LIFE   by barbara bragg 

Life goes by in the blink of an eye,
from diapers to diapers then gone.
But the time between
takes your breath away,
as you make your way along.

Little girls grow and dream of the day
when they turn into women at last.
But the years seem so long
as they go day by day,
Oh why don't they move by fast?

Then you finally grow up,
wed the love of your life
and start a family
and the babies come and the diapers start
that's the job of a loving wife.

Then you nuzzle their neck
and you kiss their cheeks,
and rock them to sleep at night.
And you dry their tears and calm their fears
and teach them to do what's right

Then the babies grow up
and have babes of their own
and grandma is there to jump in
Because duty calls and you can't not help,
and it's back to diapers again.

Now the babes have grown up
and have lives of their own
but grandma's in diapers again,
But this time it's different and not any fun,
'cause the diapers are now her own.

Yes, life goes by in the blink of an eye,
from diapers to diapers then gone,
But the memories we leave with the ones we love,
go on and on and on.

posted by SANDRA HARRISON KAY @ 9:13 AM 0 comments

"i knew it!" by (me!) ~ topps

posted by SANDRA HARRISON KAY @ 8:46 AM 0 comments

my daughter, my sister & (me!) a cnf poem by (me!) mom, sandra

 twas' my daughter, my sister & me

     when i laughed so hard that i peed

God knew in advance; i had two've the same pants

which my daughter & sister couldn't believe

but imagine, what a mess!

had they also been wedding guests!

when my purse got caught   -they'd laugh non stop

but i didnt have two've the same dress

/filed under great memories from 2023

love, gratitude & amen. 

posted by SANDRA HARRISON KAY @ 8:33 AM 0 comments

The (almost!) perfect wedding dress by (me!) -topps

she stunned us all with the perfect wedding gown!   -how brilliant, beautiful..  shining and sparkling in the lights; so detailed, lovely, lacey, elegant, alluring, regal all at once..   and it seemed to me, their pre-family visits, rehearsal, wedding, vows, reception..    -all of it seem to unfold as any bride and groom would hope..     an exceptional experience to be a part of; meaningful, engaging, such a happy and fun celebration, an honor to...

and i had several people ask me in advance, "have you picked out a dress to wear?"  followed up by, "that's usually the most important thing.."

and i surprised just about anyone and everyone who asked by answering, i have a dress i wore to a different wedding, that i'll wear again

            silence.            oh.              hmmm,  well, that's nice i guess..  so anyway..  

 and may i point out, the suit my husband is wearing has been hanging in our closet since...  circa 2015.  i had said to him with a smile, i said,  -you are not just a guest at this wedding my sexy..  you are the father of the groom!  let me see you in this suit before we officially decide we don't need to invest in a new one, ok..

and sure enough, not only did it still fit perfect; but it looked as if he bought it this year.

and, why should i shop for a different dress to wear to this wedding when i already found the perfect wedding dress!  -for all time!    it hits on so many different marks i can't capture every one.. length; perfect.  color..perfect.  fit.. perfect.  (i can unzip/zip solo when it's time to visit the ladies room)   no need for a slip/already lined; perfect.  sheer long sleeves; perfect.  flattering to figure, with 5 to 7lb wiggle room; perfect! works for day time, night time, indoor or outdoor, can be adjusted to season by changing sandals to boots..    i mean, i really believed i scored the all time perfect-to-wear-to-any wedding dress

so what's the catch?

  -funny i should pretend you just asked that, 

because it certainly does have a catch.   in fact, there we were, front row of the church, we had just watched the beautiful bridesmaids and handsome groomsmen take their places..  it was time now to stand from our seats, turn toward the back of the church, and watch with teary eyes as the bride came down the aisle

only when i went to stand up, my purse came with me.   -tangled in the lace of my left butt cheek area.  i tried to tug it off and place it next to me, but the damn thing wouldn't budge

my husband was like, what the he..   and he was trying to figure out, with both hands, how to untangle my dress from the zipper of my purse..       let's block out what this must of looked like from other people in other seats, ok..    but, a few people, sitting nearby, wanted to join in to help..

    oh my God, don't let this take away from watching her!  i'll just hold it..

and, so, as they should, everyone watched as the stunning bride was escorted by her handsome father, down the aisle..   and, i did not even try to fight my tears, i just let it roll..

and i stood there, adoring her, with one hand behind my back, holding my purse by my buttocks.  if i let it drop, we might have a pretty big and unrepairable tear, if i let them continue how to figure out how to untangle it, we would have missed one of the most valuable wonderful parts of any wedding.

  -so, AFTER, the bride arrived with her father to meet her groom, that's when my husband, wrestled some more, and eventually, separated my purse from my dress.

irritated, embarrassed but wanting to return my full attention to the wedding ceremony, i tucked my purse UNDER my raincoat, so there would be no risk for more issues.

      -a very beautiful, personalized ceremony, with perfectly balanced holiness and humour ensued, and, it added so much to the union, to hear the groom share his vows in both english and spanish..

   -more about this inter-racial Christian destination wedding experience in posts to come, 

for now, i just want to share, that, 

well, now we are at the gorgeous reception, where we are greeted with spectacular decorations, a memory area with wedding pictures sharing and honoring the bride and groom's parents, grandparents.. an open bar, a delicious and attractive dessert table, amazing menu, royal table settings, and big round tables,  -our seats personalized with name plates..      wonderful music..    a dream really, just wonderful

and so after delighting in the environment, and visiting here and there with friends, family, guests..  when i did eventually take my seat, i, with great intention, placed my raincoat, over my purse, so there would be no chance the zipper would tangle in the lace of my dress again

do you know, that when it was time to stand again, to welcome in the bride and groom 

that when i stood up, my darn dress was tangled up again!  yes.. i was taming some serious frustration to maintain my poise     -i looked at my husband with disbelief..     i put my purse UNDER the jacket. what the f..   

turns out, now it was a button on the raincoat, that tangled in the lace of my perfect-to-wear-to-any wedding dress

now my husband has both hands going again around my buttocks  -pulling, tugging, whispering under his breath..

i glanced around at a few people staring in our direction, wondering what the heck was going on..

i just shook my red face in a back n' forth direction, and held up my hand with a peace sign..  TWO times! i mouthed..       TWICE this has happened..

and then we all exchanged mercy smiles...   i stood there, patient as i could be while my husband was saying, i might not be able to get it this time, we might have to cut...

and i was too preoccupied to even pray really, but..

my prayer was answered anyway, and eventually, he separated my dress from my jacket, and i could finally sit down, and enjoy a crazy wonderful steak, and wonderful over-due visits with family, and cry healthy tears for the father/bride, mother/groom dances..   and dance the night away with my husband, and enjoy the vibe from a fun filled dance floor and lots of happy people with a shared love for each of our family's newest bride and groom

   -currently on a beach, soaking up the sun and their wedding memories on their honeymoon.

Congratulations!!  We Love You!!  God Shined all over that wedding, reception, that celebration.. and God shines through you two!!

****

several posts to follow, as time and energy allow..

 

posted by SANDRA HARRISON KAY @ 4:16 PM 0 comments

#vellumdays

 

posted by SANDRA HARRISON KAY @ 10:44 AM 0 comments

WE GOT GRILL! & I GOT MY 255's (robert! & sandra!) #jeep

i can't help but laugh.   no car either one of us has ever owned is more designed to handle all the elements; and then some

but brief background here:

i was in my limelight.. scrunched between k rails and giant 18 wheelers.. construction; had a panic attack of sorts;  made it safely home, but..

didn't drive on the freeway again; self elected out..      was starting to feel trapped, asking people to drive for me.. meet me here instead of there; avoiding freeway at all cost

started going over in my mind..  what car did i drive in my whole life; over the course of my whole driving life, that gave me the most driving confidence   -combined this knowledge with prayer for God to restore my driving confidence  -specifically my freeway driving confidence

landed on the answer   i had my most driving confidence when 

i was driving my jeep blue see!  i loved it!   and i could pull in spaces backwards..  i could parallel park.. i could zip..  i could zag..     and i loved how it had a little bounce about it..

but i did buy it used..  and it was part by part, falling apart..  and so, God blessed me with a family who purchased it primarily for its parts, and to work on, from a jeep enthusiasts/hobbyist perspective, and budget/practicality, several factors landed me in my limelight..    and great on gas!  but on todays freeways with construction ongoing, k rails and cement walls cropping up like a bamboo forest, higher population of 18 wheelers, higher population of  selfish, dangerous drivers on the road.. on and on..  

well, i asked my sexy, if i couldn't get myself a used wrangler sport again..    and 2 door, not 4, because i can navigate a 2 door; its just the write size for me..  (we have an SUV that can accommodate friends/family passengers). 

it is to my giant surprise (and his children's surprise.. and anyone who knows him well's surprise) that we purchased a new, not used, jeep wrangler willys edition

the one thing i said often about my jeep blue see, is that 'i love my airplane tires!'   it was the first time i had even paid attention to tires..  and i just immediately loved how big and texturey..

and i wanted that experience again too..   and he had not really ever paid that much attention to tires either, until i started showing him..

and i did not care about new or used, when it came to the jeep wrangler itself, but i cared very much about having big tires again..

at one point, we were going to get the jeep wrangler sport, and have the default tires changed to mud tires..   and being the budget wise person he is, he suggested that once the default tires needed changed out anyway, that's when we could get the mud tires..

and now, i am not one to push.. or insist on my way..  i am more the grateful for what youre willing to give and be comfortable with type, 

but, we are not commuting anymore; we are retired, 

and i started doing the math..   and i was getting pretty depressed and frustrated..  and i said to my sexy, i said, 

"the thing about the tires is this..   i'm not 25 years old, i'm 57..   i'll be like 90 before the tires need to be changed and i can get my mud tires"

but we did due dilegence.. and we did try and figure out, which was the over all better value?

to purchase a jeep wranger sport 2 door, and purchase mud tires to have put on.. and sell the default tires that come with it

or

purchase the 2 door jeep wrangler willy's edition, which comes with the 255 mud tires already on it

and we visited several dealerships..   and we spent hours on the jeep website, building our imaginary jeeps, customizing, etc.  to figure out the best value

and i really wanted those two-fifty-fives!

and then he started falling for them too..   

then, when we started looking at jeeps that don't have mud tires..  they looked  -wrong.   like, it doesnt match   -plain all terrain tires with that gorgeous beefy jeep grill and body

and we noticed how, on some new versions of jeep,  -not sure the vocabulary, but, on some new jeeps, the front grill, bumper, they've closed off a view of the tire..   but the willy's maintains that visual access

but being able to see the tire!   aesthetically speaking...    huge!   i love the whole look; we both do

and we sat in a willy's at one dealership..   and we test drove..   

and "i" test drove a 2 door wrangler...   and in the very moment i test drove that jeep, i was no longer guessing, wondering, hoping, 

i knew! my driving confidence was restored!  i love being high up!  you need this visual advantage on the freeways today..   and no vehicle i have ever driven or been in as a passenger has a better visual field than the jeep wrangler..  and it has a little bounce and personality and character.. and it gets up and goes when you want it, or need to..   it has power..

and my husband, he never once complained about driving me in the limelight, getting me from here to there without making me feel terrible about my fear..  he was so gracious..

and he is not at all insecure about the man he is, and so.. he never once let on that driving the limelight (vs. a big masculine truck)  -he never once mentioned anything about it

but, when we did purchase our willy's,   and he was in the driver seat of that..

his expression and tone and smile..  there was this way he said, this feels good; much better..

truth is:  he LOVES it.    and truth is:  i LOVE it too!   and as i told him, my driving confidence went from zero to 10.  and i was on the freeway..  and i was here and there..  and i can back it into the garage.. and i can maneuver it with confidence.  i can see ahead, i can see all around..

and my jeep blue see had manual roll down windows, manual  -get out of your jeep, adjust the side view mirrors, get back in, check.. get back out, adjust the sideviews..

but this willy's has POWER windows and doors..    love, love, love

it's a giant upgrade for both of us.  and it's not just my driving confidence that is restored; but my joy!  it is a pleasure to drive this jeep..   it is fun.  we are a perfect match.  i look forward to it, and can't wait to take it out again soon..

the color has been a hot topic in conversations.. it's new for 2023, and everyone has their unique way to describe it.  jeep itself calls it, earl clearcoat.   but if you say, my jeep is earl clearcoat..  like, unless you are already familiar..  you have no idea.  juan from fremont, calls it 'mint' like mint chocolate chip.. a young woman from a san jose dealership, called it 'sage'   an online article called it, aquamarine..    and the thing is, it is greyish, greenish, hint of blue-ish, and very creamy..   

so we have landed on our own unique description; we call it, aqua~creamy~marine.

we waited several months, after due diligence.. finally customizing, ordering.. and then waiting several months for delivery.  i half considered creating a birth announcement; playing off the idea

proud parents announcement:

born:  height/weight;   name..

and we both do have that light hearted playfulness about 'our baby'   -being extra careful, nurturing..  adding accessories..

making plans for our future together.

and every time i get the chance, i don't say, 'i got mud tires'  i say with a smile, i say, 

"got my 255's!"    and everywhere we park it, my sexy he says with a smile, he says, "this is the best looking vehicle in the lot!"   and the two of us, we like to playfully say, "we got grill!"

   -good times, answered prayers..

jeeps for my entire family..   that's my vision.  what other vehicle has the miraculous, magical combination of being safer and badass at the same time?  and what a variety of models.. for off road thrill seekers, to the family man, to the taxi-mom,   -first time driver, to college, to career

and "to retirement!"  jeep wave ~ jeep cheers!

"rescued and restored again! Thank You Jesus!  Thank You Jeep!  Thank You Sexy!  amen."

posted by SANDRA HARRISON KAY @ 12:52 PM 0 comments

the mixed media joy of modern dance as witnessed by (me!) ~topps

 public "thank you!" here to the georges for treating us to this evening of dance..  and it was shared also with the wilson's..    so, 3 couples, and the mrs. of each of us has dance experience, and therefore a high appreciation

fancy nancy is currently dancing with joy of dance, and i have had the great pleasure of being wow'd by their dance recital  -her lyrical and jazz performances

and awesome elva, she currently participates in both samba and latin dance classes,  -and i had the great pleasure of being wow'd by a video i got to see of her dancing with her troupe 'through the sonic runway in san jose!'   -which you know i love, love, love

    if the sonic runway is not currently hosting public dance nights on the weekends; it should..

there should be more dancing in the world in general..  and i will get off track here, i can feel it, but samantha brown just took us to shanghai, china, and there was a great deal of dancing in the local parks by people of all ages..  

and they look very happy, healthy   and the positive social/fellowship.. the community factor

well, there should be much more dancing in the world in general.    and many more flash mobs.  the georges were sharing that flash mobs are very common in the UK..

  -come on USA..  come on California..     bump it up

anyway, back to the dance recital at SJSU..  well, first off, it was not a dance recital.   entirely different format; it was a dance students senior portfolio, where they are performing with faculty in the audience who will be judging, grading, etc.

essentially, their finals, -on stage.   and very smart, to open this to the general public, and share these amazing performances with a larger audience

the biggest take away for me personally,   -has to do with how i recently wrote about how lucky i feel, how blessed, to be a mixed media artist

especially in comparison to other, more specific artistries..   watercolor artist, sketch artist, oil painter,  -you get the idea

and the reason i feel luckier, is because our options for what canvas we will use, for even what we turn into a canvas, and our options for what paints, for what tools, what materials, for the where, when, why of any given creative manifestation,   -well, the options for a mixed media artist are the greatest of them all

and as i watching the modern dancers perform, this seems quite the same to me

the show opened with a tap dancer, and you know i LOVE our tap dancers..

    -wait; 'show' is the not the correct word

the senior finals on stage, opened with..

and the senior finals on stage, included a group jazz-ish performance

but the greatest majority of dances; modern dances back to back to back

and speaking of!    some of the ways we could witness the human back, arms, shoulder blades move to music..

and there are just ways modern dancers get to use, literally, every part of their body to express..

every limb, every finger, the spectrum of gesture, the poetry of movement, with such a variety of cadences,  -and they use their facial expressions, and they just move in ways, new ways, fresh ways,  -in all ways,  -every way..

so, where as i love dance, and i have affinity toward all dancers in general

i wonder if modern dancers feel like the luckiest ones?   they not only use their bodies in the widest range of possibilities, but they can add in props   -incorporate objects into the expression; into the choreography itself

its just so limitless..   and i would love to see modern fused more with every other type of dance existing.   it is the natural evolution to borrow from here, mix it there, a small sample of this, a large dose of that..  but always incorporating;   -discovering the shades and hues of purple from reds and blues

and because us mrs. of the group, each with a dancing background of one kind or another, well, none of us are in our 20's,  -know what i mean, 

so, we look with such admiration at all a young, healthy, dancing body can do

and we are all so glad you are not wasting this athleticism, but you are wisely, creatively, remarkably dancing your hearts out; leaving it on the stage; 

but let me use that as a segue..   because, my hope and prayer, and my big birthday wish for the world, is that 'the stage' itself will continue to grow and expand

parking lots can be your stage..

green belts..

farmers markets..

the landscaped areas in business districts..        inside a mall, or department store; up and down staircases..

  -this is why flash mobs are so exciting   -they surprise!   they delight!

you did not pay for a ticket, a seat, and watch a dancer perform on a stage

dance just suddenly shows up where you are and makes the whole world a better place to live.

share your gift liberally dancers!

lastly,  i made a conscious effort not to identify 'favorites' when watching these performances, but darn it, if it doesnt seem to happen every time anyway

and i spotted my favorites, my personal favorites, last night

and without saying what song, what dance(s), what performances specifically, 

   -and especially because i did not personally know even one of the students in this senior portfolio, so, i am without any bias created through relationship, friendship, etc.

exactly because i had no attachment to anything, except my own truth, 

i can tell you, my favorites, are the ones who i can tell are lost in their own performance  -they are not thinking about what they are doing; they are not self-conscious in any way, they don't have to think, they just have done the number so many times, they can perform it all instinct; all joy

and then mix that joy with a little fire, and a lot of confidence

-it's very exciting to witness this magical combination    "thank you!"

*****

so, more dancing in general, by everyday people, in public parks..   this will yield greater health and happiness and strengthen community;  more flash mobs; this will yield greater health and happiness and make the world a better place to live; more fusion of dance styles; this creativity will yield greater health and happiness; make the world a better place, and keep us interested and engaged..

speaking of!   what choreographer will make my dreams come true?

   -well, i have seen one of my dreams come true, and it is just as awesome as i thought it would be!  and that is, a dance floor, filled with dancers, but each one is listening to their own favorite dance music with ear phones; so, to the witness/spectator, it is entirely quiet, but with a great variety of dance styles, each at a different rythm/ryme/pace; style, etc.    fun! to watch

the dream i havent seen come true YET is this:   -currently we are conditioned through years, years and years of dance to see a specfic costume, cultural dress, and then project immediately what dance we will see next..  Irish Dancer (in your imagination, you can see the costume.. you know the fundamental moves;  Ballet  -same,   African..   Latin..   on and on.. etc.   and! we know, through conditioning, what music goes with what costume goes with what dance moves..

mix this up!   Irish dance moves, to African music, in a ballet costume..  then reverse.. on and on, and have some fun

new magical moves and choreography will come from it..

*****

related content:

it's like Christmas

santa clara convention center

took place behind my back

genius

and there's more of course...

hallelujah & amen

  

posted by SANDRA HARRISON KAY @ 10:37 AM 0 comments