Saturday, June 28, 2014

Cant wait... (Me!) Sandra, tvgp

for the windows of time to open for all the writing/sharing id like to do..  And upset with myself I don't have a picture of kathy Biondi and I during our recent visit @ concannon..  But! Another great visit it was!   "Thank you! Jesus!"

Friday, June 27, 2014

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Which reminds (me!) Sandra, tvgp

4 or 5 businesses on main street in downtown pleasanton have been burglarized in the past couple days.   Apparently, this kind of thing is almost expected when the Alameda county fair comes to town.   The fair itself, is wonderful.  We have too many good memories locked in there to even count.  But it does attract people from both near and far..  And unfortunately..  Not the most upstanding citizens..

So, that said..  One of the businesses that had their entire front glass door smashed in and all their product stolen, was a speciality sun glasses shop just two doors down from ricks picks.

Very upsetting.

But the owner came by..  "Just wanted to let you know we were broken into...".  And we all talked for a bit..  And later the police came by..   And everyone knows to be extra cautious.

Which of course! Reminds me of my Tri valley haven candlelight march story..

And that can be found by typing "two places" in the search bar here in my blog,

This story was also selected for publication in the book, The Social Cause diet

But I'm going to give a bullet point edited version write here:

In the story .. True story..  I am trying to explain to my then 11 year old daughter, the definition of sexual assault   -before she joins me in the Tri valley havens annual candlelight march which helps bring awareness..

And I tried to explain (as a 3 time kidnap/rape survivor) how strange it was..

How I couldn't get it to make any sense..

How, if a criminal broke into your car..

Or broke into your home..

Or a criminal broke into your business..

You could and would go freely tell your neighbors..  And everyone (as just demonstrated) would be compassionate and concerned and more cautious..

But!

If a criminal broke into your body...

-all the rules changed-

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

THEY DID IT AGAIN!! (Jazz n taps) as seen by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Back to back amazing..    And the next thing I can't wait to write about as soon as time allows..

In picture left to write: the beautiful and talented mother/daughter dancers, catherine & natalie teeter.

Testing continues for (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Russell crowe. Red carpet. Oscars....  "Oh! You should see the dress i have designed!".   A knock out!    /get it...  

Monday, June 23, 2014

I WILL BE VERY, VERY LUCKY (me!) Sandra, tvgp

...because:   when the opportunity presents itself; I am already prepared.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Poets among by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Some of this is a repeat:

A poem came first..  The instinct to speak.. And then write in a different, more melodic, way.

Long before a label/name for it was developed/created.

Different styles came first..  Instinctually. 

AND then.. People started to categorize, name, label..

And then.. People started to fit their poems within these preestablished categories, styles..

Instinct gets usurped in this process. We abandon organic for synthetic.

"This person rhymed in A, B, pattern..   -follow that pattern"

-the very second you opt to fit your words in a template

That's all you'll get.

Honor your instincts.  Ignore the templates.   /I believe bishop T.D. Jakes would agree..

But here's the fascinating thing to (me!)

And please ponder this:

If everyone ignores templates.. And strictly honors instinct and  lnstinct alone

Let's say we isolated all the poets of the world..

And just let them do their thing..

And then categorized their poems at the end of a year.

You would in fact end up with..

Poems that, although written in isolation..

Follow similar patterns.

And there will always be, among them

ALWAYS

-free form.   -a category all its own.

Where every poem which does not fit within a repeatable/duplicated pattern

Gets put.

But my guess..  Is there are patterns among free form poetry as well.

And I'm not guessing when I say..

It is instinctual for us to look for and identify them.

In Jesus name,  -amen.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Coming Soon.. /she says with a smile.

Joyce Meyer quote.. Heard/appreciated by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

She says sometimes.. "We live life forward; but understand it backwards."

Isn't that a painful truth.   -and then..

I wonder why it has been set up that way; don't you?

Giovanni cont. By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I am an absolute cliche write now.. This is so common; painfully common.. To, as we age, -recall our past romances.

In my heart of hearts (if I'm going to be a cliche I shall be very cliche or why bother):   in my heart of hearts I will always wish I had one true love and that I was that persons one true love; and we met early; knew write away; and spent our life deepening ...  Growing, nurturing, protecting that rare and wonderful ultimate gift.

-such has not been the case though..  Obviously.

So let me get on then with the business of recalling this particular romance because it does stand out from the several others.

Where was I?  Yes.. I had just whispered in his ear, "would you like to take those moves out on the dance floor?". -and he did.

And we danced.. And gazed in each others eyes..  And smiled.. And wiggled.. And flirted.. And all that.   He was gorgeous! In a can-you-even-stand-it kind of way.  And to top off his charisma and good looks and magnetic eyes and promising dance moves.. He could barely speak English.   Oh my God.. I was doomed. 

Now, what I can guess, retrospectively, is that earlier that day, or week.. He had apparently won big at one of the casinos..

And had absolutely no plans to hoard or keep his winnings but to just spend it as quickly as he earned it..

Because he wanted to do everything.. And it was all his treat.

And Im skipping parts.. But remember he took both my sister and I to dinner.. And every time the waiter would ask,  -anything, really. Like. What would you like to drink, for example..

Giovanni with great consistency would say, "what's the most expensive.. We want that". 

My sister and I had never been in the company of someone like this before.. And so we pretty much felt like we had just won big too.  We smiled, were highly appreciative and savored every sip, every bite..

And it seems Giovanni and I locked in plans, over his broken English and my love for his broken English, -to meet the next day for breakfast.. A walk.. A show.., etc.  

I can't remember exactly how it all went down, but my sister reported to my mom and family there.. This love at first sight encounter.. And giovanni met everyone..  And everyone approved.. And off in his hands I went..

Here we go with the cliches again.. How his eyes melted me; but they did!  Worse though.. Was how he turned to me, to help him understand and translate what people were saying.. Whether it was a waiter, or a store clerk, etc.  I knew absolutely no italian; still don't. But somehow I could always understand him.. What he wanted to say.. And I could somehow always explain what someone else was saying to him.  It requires a certain sensitivity to facial expressions, tone, gestures, body language..

But my ability to translate and being needed and appreciated in this way...

Wow.

K, so..  He spoiled me like I had never before. -or since.. Been spoiled.  And At some point I learn he lives in new york, is divorced, and has a 5 year old son.

Only took my mom a few seconds to start worrying.. Not about him or us exactly..

But -she was convinced he was going to whisk me away to new York to live with him..   And she was not ready for me to leave my bay area nest..

So.. It was good news to her (and me) that he would first come to pleasanton for a visit..

And pleasanton was in her very best form when he came.

***

To be continued.

Friday, June 20, 2014

Hmmmm.. "Pleasanton Gas Station"

The fake tow truck car stealing operation... Happened here. 
This is my favorite gas station..  And since pleasanton is one of my favorite towns; I like the new name.

Did i say "coast stories?" By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Now exactly when it changed from "coast" gas station to "pleasanton" gas station.. I'm not sure. However! I talked to the owner this very morning and he said.. Well, he told me to pretty much ignore the name. "We are always here. We stay the same all the time.. Just the name changes"

And okay. I get that..  But.. Now my e-book with the play on words
"Coast stories".  -because pleasanton is famous for its "ghost stories".  -that doesn't work anymore.

I'm filing this under sweet dilemmas..  

Thursday, June 19, 2014

"Lucky" photo by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

A GODLY MAN for (me!) Sandra, tvgp

K, so..  Just did my post recently about never being intimate with another man. My handsome prince was it..

But then..  You know.. A romantic song came on.. I had a glass of delicious red wine..  Happen to pass a mirror..

And so I paused a moment..  Ran my hands along the curves and length of my body.  And with a big smile said to God,

"..but you know...  Sure hate for all of this to go to waste"

So In less than a week I went from swearing off intimacy forever

To

You know..

"K, ... Well send me a Godly man.."

Then it seemed somehow important that I describe what a Godly man is to (me!):

K.  For starters:  churchgoing, bible reading.  Someone who prays regularly.

But that's so obvious.  Let's get to the good stuff:

A Godly man would rather chop off his own penis than ever cheat on his wife.

A Godly man does not even "read the interviews" inside porn magazines.  A Godly man avoids all porn, all the time. And any TV shows with provocative women..  And does not treat this fundamental, moral decision like its a huge sacrifice; but does so willingly..  For the higher cause..

A Godly man never sneaks..  Or hides any communication.. Within social media, on the phone, in emails,...

A married Godly man sends a RED LIGHT SIGNAL to any woman who flirts with him; not a green light; "not even a yellow!". RED! As in STOP WRITE THERE.

A married Godly man mentions his wife with great frequency; and fondly.. With affection! Not with a tone like she is an irritant he has to tolerate

A Godly man..  Demonstrates fruits of the spirit:  (hint: a Godly man will know what they are...)

A married Godly man.. (Hint: a Godly man will marry)  prioritizes his life as follows: God; family; others..

A Godly man will have a tattoo

Of (me!)..  For (me!).. To (me!)... About (me!)

Somewhere on his body only (me!) Gets to see..

And enjoy.

Yes.  Mmmm. Hmmmm.  In Jesus name,  -amen.

Talking out loud again (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Whens I saw these... I walked up to them.. I admired them. I stared, touched, moved, rearranged, experimented..  I said out loud, as if they could hear me.."you are my favorite in the store write now." And silently I wished I had the budget, -the space.  I mean.. Look at the charm factor! Off the charts..  The color, the shapes, but most importantly; the tilt!  I fell in love.. 

So did Susan..  One of our customers looking to fill shelves on a bakers rack style piece of furniture in her backyard..

Those vases did not last even ten minutes, it seems, inside ricks picks before they found a home.

And the truth is.. I'm delighted to see them go; to know they'll be enjoyed.  They are just fantastic to look at!  To glance.. To pass by.. To notice and regard..

Excellent return on investment I'd say.

And she asked me, Susan, what would look good next to them..

And I do know; intuitively.  I can see it; know it when I see it

But I'd be hard-pressed to explain..

What I know.. Is that when you put these vases which have a very certain color scheme, shape, texture, style..

When you set them next to the natural wood looking candle holder:

"Spectacular!  Gorgeous! Very complimentary!"

And when you set them next to the black metal candle holder:

"Yuck"

Even though by itself, its a perfectly lovely piece.

Things just land on my eye a certain way... This is true for artists, merchandisers in general..

Its like its own language..  You can know write away who else speaks it; understands..

And similarly; you can write away spot people who dont.

Add this on to my perpetual growing list of things that fascinate me about human beings.

The Heart Seen... At ricks picks!

The Heart Seen.. In danville..

The Heart Seen... In dublin..

The Heart Seen.. On my joy~walk...

The Heart Seen.. On my joy~walk in downtown livermore

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Solvable Problems by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

;these are my favorite kind.

Andy Stanley, His Wife Sandra & Guardrails as seen by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I wish the whole wide world could see this talk. A rare couple. A rare success story..  Married 24 years..  How have they succeeded?  -you can clearly see:  two people who put God first.. Two people on the same page; same team..  Each making decisions that honor God and their marriage/their family over their egos.  But the big reveal for (me!)  -the underlying motivation/intension/driving force:  "staying together would be the greatest gift we could give our children".    -I pray for more exposure to couples like: joyce & David Meyer; TD Jakes and his wife..  Andy Stanley and his wife..    I pray that kind of mutual commitment between my children and the person they love and marry.  It is harder and harder to find; there are more and more obstacles...  We need greater exposure to success stories and the Ingredients thereof..  In Jesus name. Amen.

RADIO BRAIN STATIONS by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

More notes for my neuroscientist friend:  I love it! -the ability to, at will, change what I'm thinking about; control it.  I say, I would like to think about (variable here), and then I do.. Just like that.  And I can, at will, change what I'm thinking about in the blink of an eye.  -amazing all by itself.  But! To be able also to think not only of actual things.. Memories or things write in front of us.. But to "imagine". To create, at will..  In the mind, ... And then to have those things manifest!  What a gift this is!  -the radio brain; to be able to change stations that already exist AND create stations..  What fascinates me further though: emotions. I can, to date, control and change stations, if you will, with more skill and speed than emotions. So.. Example.  If I have landed on (or chosen) a sad memory.. I am better off changing the memory itself -which I can more easily override vs. Trying to override the emotion of sadness if I don't change the station.  They come in pairs.  Attached it seems..  But the potency level alters; subsides; gets diluted ..with.. Time.  Always have to factor in time.  Time stamps. 

Just fascinates (me!).

Sensitivity levels. Emotional sensitivity levels; feelings.

-the first time I saw ( variable ) it made me so sad.  -couldn't stop crying.

-the next time..   Cried a little.

-next time..  No tears. Just felt melancholy.

Etc.

Vs.

I can't watch that at all.. It destroys me.

Vs.

I was numb..

Or apathetic..

Then I became sensitive; understood.

Then I cried for the first time at something that used to never bother me.

Etc.

To witness, and experience, the spectrum of emotional sensitivity levels.. From intense and overwhelming to neutral and manageable or from apathetic and detached to empathetic and caring..

But with all of this..  All of this..:  being able to consciously change what we are thinking about -like a radio..

The part of us that does the changing?

To be able to experience emotions; a spectrum of emotions..

The part of us that is -aware- and can identify which emotion we are experiencing at what level of Intensity..

That fascinates (me!) Most of all.

.. To re-examine areas in my life where I went from highly sensitive to utterly impervious..     What is the process by which this happens?

To examine areas where I went from numb to sensitive..

I could spend all day pondering..

And what is my motivation for doing such a thing; motivation behind my ponderings..

That brings us to "origins of motivation" or "intensions"

Wow!  Can we change/override those like they are radio stations?  Can we change underlying motivations the same way we can change what we are thinking about?

I return to awe..  Human beings are the masterpiece of all masterpieces..

What could ever surpass? This combination of physical body.. With mind, emotions, motivations, Intentions, soul, spirit, -free will

And the awareness of these gifts with the internal ability to recognize, teach, and evolve and strengthen them..

God

You are an awesome God.

In Jesus name, amen.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

GREATEST ROMANCE for (me!) Sandra, tvgp

First -notes for my neuroscientist friend:  1. Woke up thinking about... 2. Recent posts re: sex.   3. The crazy guy/cinema paradiso  4. Seeing the cover of one hundred years of solitude..  5. The appearance of rob reiner/his father on tavis smiley.. And the conversation re: bucket list and his new movie.   Mix it all together and what do you get?

A post about my greatest romance.  This award goes to Giovanni.  Every once in a while he will come up in conversation and my sister enjoys the retelling of the story too..  Because, A.  -she loves the line I threw out that started the whole thing. And B.  -he took us both out to dinner.  -a very expensive, only the best! Dinner

My back story factors in big time:  I was in my 20's. I had at last! finally ended an on again/off again relationship, so I was legally, legitimately and most importantly, psychologically and conscience~ly SINGLE.  And! I had earned my college degree.  So all the weight of studies, worries, will I/won't I, tests, etc. Was officially removed. I was SINGLE and FREE.   Liberated... Light on my feet with a carefree heart.   I've come to believe you can't even engage in a wonderful romance unless you are...

At least that's true for (me!).   I can't enjoy the tainted kind.. Sneaky, ugly..

Anyway.. Single, free and in Vegas (like, of course).  "Thank you Mom!" With my best friend/sister.

If we gambled with money, I barely remember it.  What I remember. What we both remember; my sister and I, -is hitting the night club.

"Dancing!"

So there we are, all dressed up pretty with a little alcohol and a lot of energy and the music is just write.

I lose the virtue of patience when the music is just write. If no one asks me to dance quick enough.. I'll do the asking.  So I scanned the club for a potential dance partner...  And then went and stood next to him and his cute little wiggle, and then I leaned in and whispered in his ear. I said,

"Would you like to take those moves out on the dance floor?"

And yes he did!

***

To be continued.

Monday, June 16, 2014

BRAGGING WRITES for (me!) Writeousmom.. Created by (taryn!)

Sunday, June 15, 2014

I repeat (me!) Sandra, tvgp

"This is where we part ways" -is the saying.  It is where I part ways with almost all of my top 3 to 5 spiritual mentors.  They will tell you "you must speak out loud".  In regard to rebuking the enemy and/or any prayer of gratitude or hope, etc.   My belief  /and there are plenty of passages in the bible which support my belief: is that our God is a God of hearts. God searches our hearts and minds; knows our thoughts, motives, intentions...   Not for one second do I believe I need to speak out loud in order to be heard by God.  It might be that we should speak out loud in order to better hear ourselves; yes.  But God can hear and see..  And know..   When we pray silently, from our hearts.   In Jesus name, amen.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

"Check this out!" From (bob!) ...

All I can do sometimes is just..  Smile and say "thank you!" Jesus.

OPPOSITE of a NIGHTMARE for (me!) Sandra, tvgp

It was like, -the polar opposite of a nightmare:

I was approached by a man who told me he knew everything; had seen everything..

Everything I'd been through
All the work

And it was decided that,  "you will never have to work another day in your life."

Wow.

I woke up impressed I could even have such a dream.

"Thank you Jesus!". Amen.

HOPE by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

.. I've read it, I've witnessed it, I've experienced it for myself:

God.. Can take something that's been broken

And not only put it back together;

But make it stronger and more beautiful than its original form.

It is a safe thing to hope for:   -back together; stronger than before.

In Jesus name, amen.

Friday, June 13, 2014

"BOOK~friENDS" photo by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

The Heart Seen! At (pleasanton middle school!) By (me!) Writeousmom

MAMMA~RAZZI HEAVEN for (me!) Writeousmom

Oh! The pictures I have in my shutterfly album!  GOLDEN! GOLDEN!

Everyone knows how the paparazzi goes wild during big celebrity events...

But for this mamma~razzi  -what a week of spectacular events its been!

-got my niece graduating from elementary in the stunning red dress her grandma picked out for her
-my son and nephew attending the 8th grade graduation dance /wearing shirts! And ties! And slacks!
-my daughter in the powder puff game.. On the football field!
-end is school activities in general..
-the middle school promotion..
-a family dinner "thanks dad!"
-my daughters birthday!

So much happening all at once I can't even keep proper track.

That's why I love pictures!   I can't wait to see all this life happening at my own, slightly slower pace...

PUBLIC "THANK YOU!" To Saint Anthony from (me!) & (bob!)

Here's the short version of the story:

Gentleman walks into ricks picks, drops off an envelope for rick from the chamber; heads on his way...

Returns some time later and asks whether he accidentally left his car keys

I look around, no keys, and he heads on his way again.

Little while later I'm on my lunch break and see him walking around the parking lot. I rolled down my window, "did you ever find your keys?"

And he tells me "no."

I said, "try Saint Christopher, I think it is.. To help you find things"

And he said something about being a lapsed catholic.. And then, "but Saint Christopher was for traveling," if he remembered correctly, "and Saint Anthony for finding things"

"Saint Anthony!" I said with a smile, "its worked for me"

And he said it had been a while but Saint Anthony had come through for him in the past too.

I was trying to exit the parking lot but there was a bit of construction going on, so we cross paths again, only this time he has a hint of a smile as he approaches my car.

I roll down my window again in anticipation of good news.

Then he confesses he was embarrassed to tell me earlier that he had lost his car too.. Not sure where it was in the parking lot and "this is not the first time this has happened"

But after praying to Saint Anthony.. /thanks to my little reminder..

He found his car!

And guess what

"His keys were in it!"

Thursday, June 12, 2014

RISK by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I'm vulnerable; and aware I am:  Dr Maya Angelou's death.. My squidmann is where? And unlike my Charlie rose, he does not bother to get a substitute when he's away.. /poor choice of words.. There is no substitute.  Lots of end of school stuff, plus work, plus creative projects.. Was not physically feeling my best..   And it seems like the most natural thing in the world to long for my handsome prince; doesn't it.   Plus all the contemplating I've been doing on relationships in general; prayerfull contemplation.   And I've written before about "knowing" so will skip that.  And recently about sex.. And Solomon ..   And when I put everything all together: I have a knowing.  It is not ... I'm not saying this with any martyr undertones.. But more with a personal knowing and certainty.   I don't want to be intimate with any one else; ever.  And the knowing part is: I won't be.  Its too much.. Too sacred.    In Jesus name, amen.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

WHAT WILL HAVE CHANGED? Wonders (me!) Sandra, tvgp

It was the parents who told me..  With a great deal of .. What's the word I'm looking for?

Doubt.

They told me their son married. Divorced. Then remarried the same woman.

Not as uncommon as it should be.

But I spent the afternoon wondering:  -what will have changed?

Because if neither of them changed.. They are headed for the exact same place; divorce again.

It requires a heart surgeon... 

That's what God is to (me!); a heart surgeon.

We're all patients...

"There are these clots..  Preventing the flow of true love..

What can you do?  Can anything be done?"

In Jesus name, amen.

YWGNMO prays (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Everyone seems to use "YOLO".  You Only Live Once.   Let it serve as a permission slip or Inspiration to just go for it...

But "it" can be deceiving; that's what Ive learned.   So my moto has evolved Into: YWGNMO.

Your Will God, Not My Own.

-turns out I'm not the first, last or only one to reach this spiritual conclusion; understanding..

I've seen the results now, experienced the results of what happens when "I" employ my own will...

The result is: I don't trust it.  I don't necessarily trust my mind.. Or my heart.

I do trust God.   So I say my prayers.. I make my wishes known..

I have my hopes and dreams..

But unless God brings it to (me!) ..

Otherwise seems I just repeat mistakes.  

"Your will for me Jesus.. Not my own."   

And Ive hit a vulnerable patch so bump up the prayers:

No weapon formed against me will prevail..
Anything anyone tries to use to demote me will promote me.
Your plan is to prosper and not to harm me.
..I will not be shamed..
You will complete the work you started in me..

You did not bring me this far to stumble..

I trust you.
I thank you.
I love you.
I'm yours.

In Jesus name, amen.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Monday, June 09, 2014

NO LETTER I CAN WRITE by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I did everything I was told to do..  I envisioned. I prayed. I wished. I held on to hope..  "I believed!".  I never gave up...

I practiced patience..    I spoke it out loud to the universe.. To God..

And back to back to back to back..  She was in my life, one form or another:

I quoted her.

I read her.

"I just mentioned her LAST NIGHT!"

/not last night, as in yesterday evening

THE last night; last night she was alive; here on earth.

My grief was double.  My grief was squared.

The dream, the hope, the wish of meeting her.  Officially, quite officially,  died too.

Now. It. Can. NEVER. Happen.  Period. 

Its a selfish grief; but not lessened by that fact.  

The reality hits me hard tonight.   The death of my dream.

To go from..  An Inkling of a chance

Well when you go from inkling to ZERO chance; suddenly inkling was much larger than realized

An inkling is HUGE! When compared to NO CHANCE AT ALL; EVER.

Now there is no letter I can write, no matter how heart felt..

No phone call I can make..

No person I might meet who could maybe connect me to..

No happy accident, no Harpo hook up, no miracle even..

There is NO, NONE whatsoever chance now, under any circumstance, secular or divine

That I will meet in person, my Dr Maya Angelou.

So  cry, cry, cry some more..

And let it remind me

(Me!)

To accept the things I cannot change.

So I accept.  /as if I had any choice in the matter..

But that sure doesn't mean I like it.

***

Spiritually speaking, it is for post graduate students only

-accepting what we cannot change.

With grace and faith and trust in God.

Goes for any death of a loved one, young or old..

From.. Maybe one day.. 

Maybe one day we'll.. Talk about...

Maybe one day we'll try this or that..

Maybe one day we'll go visit..

Maybe we can..  Maybe we should.. Maybe we might..

From,  maybe one day to; never-ever.

The unchangeable never-ever.

Robbed of hope.   -makes it very clear suddenly what a large role hope plays in our day to day lives.

So, my dream, my hope; they died with her. 

I'm in practice again..  Because it is certainly not my first

And certainly not the last time

I will need to do this: accept the things I cannot change.

With grace, and faith and trust in God.

I guess it must be at the tip top of that painful list called "things we cannot change":

Death.

This is where hope makes a new appearance however;

In heaven.  In life after...     And it is very easy to picture Dr Maya Angelou there.. 

That's the picture I hold onto now....

In Jesus name...  Amen.

Saturday, June 07, 2014

THE EVOLUTION OF A PARTICLE PHYSICIST by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Everything is matter.  I'm matter.  Your matter.

Everyone matters. I matter. You matter.

What we're each doing, saying, thinking everyday.

It all matters.

It matters very much; that's a fact.

CONVERSATION WITH GOD ABOUT SEX (me!) Sandra, tvgp

True story, true story: I let it all roll in my mind; everything. Everyone. For as far back as I can remember, to my most recent encounter.. Everything I could remember, everything I've been told, everything I've ever heard or seen.. Every conversation with a friend or family member regarding sex.. Every movie, every book, every news report, every church service, every girl talk, every before and after talk with any given person I've ever actually had sex with.. Every message conveyed through commercials, through various cultures.. Every warning, every promise, every truth, every lie..it was amazing to review this...  Infinite-feeling list.. The very mixed bag of memories:  "yes! I remember when that woman was fired for suggesting masturbation was okay.. Perhaps could reduce teenage pregnancies, STD's.. Etc.".  -and now to see these same things encouraged/talked about openly on TV by sex experts..".  Without any need for detail.. I have seen the worst, the exploitation, the dysfunctional, the hideous..  Sex as a weapon, sex as a negotiation tool, sex as manipulators #1 skill set.  Sex to numb, sex to appease, sex because there is nothing else to do.. Sex as a commodity, sex as a trade, sex out of curiosity..  Sex as a marketing tool, ...   Sex because its natural, sex because its unusual, sex to win a bet.. Sex because of hormones, sex because someone slipped a drug in a drink.. Sex to make someone jealous.. Sex to stir things up..   Of course my mind did also roll over.. Sex to celebrate love, sex to make babies, sex to express deep emotional commitments.. Sex for good health..  I thought about "my first time".  I thought about one night stands. I thought about sex with each of my husbands, with my almost husband, with men who I've temporarily loved -with men who I mistakenly attached myself...  I thought about everything I've ever heard about sex from males: from my dad to my brother to my friends, coworkers..  Conversations both intentional and of the eavesdropping nature.  I thought about everything I've ever heard about sex from females: from my grandma to my mom to my sister to my daughter to my female friends, mentors, coworkers, etc.   I thought also about.. What wasn't ever said... Why?  I thought about moods, tones, undertones, -the way in which people talk/communicate about sex: overtly, quietly, personally, openly, arrogantly, humbly... Fearfully, gratefully.. With humor.. Without humor.. With happiness, with regret..  With intention to harm, with intention to love..  Everything tumbled in my mind..  It was exhaustive.

So I said to Jesus, I said, "Jesus.. If you don't personally provide me some clarity on this issue of sex I'm going to go to my grave confused."

And Jesus..  At least I think it was Jesus..  He said to me, "sandra. -read Solomon."

-that was it.  That was all I heard..  No, "and grace be with you.." Or "I understand.. Or, "you know the write thing to do.."

-read Solomon.  -that was it.

K

So  -being the bible scholar I am.. I went straight to my bible..

Scanned the table of contents with my finger tracing down every title from the old testament to the new testament..

Tracing; tracing..

From the top to the bottom.   Genesis. Exodus. Leviticus.. All the way to zechariah. Malachi..

Matthew, mark, Luke, john all the way to Jude and revelation..

"Hey Jesus!" I said /but with a reverent not sassy tone..

"There's not even a Solomon in here.. "

/embarrassing but true..

So I went to the alphabetical index:  goes from -sin- to -Son of man-

Sol comes before son.. Write..

Double check..  No solomon.

Fine.

Did the extra research and finally landed on song of songs.

I was like, "Jesus. Why didn't you just tell me.. Song of songs?"

Which, it turns out I've read before..  And delighted and laughed at the poetry..  Not with ill will, but because of what was considered a compliment in that time..   Today might be considered an insult.

Anyway..

Read it. Whole thing. Then I went back in prayer; said,

"Jesus. -that was no help at all."

And I haven't heard anything back yet.

I am, "waiting upon the Lord" as the church folks like to say..

This is when our strength rises.

True story. In his name,    -amen.

Friday, June 06, 2014

The Heart Seen... In downtown Pleasanton! By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Currently meditating on:  "Love finds a way...".  -I believe this is literally true.. Love as a spiritual entity.. Pure and true in essense.. It has its own GPS..  It can wait when it needs to.. Do gymnastics if it needs to..  But as a force.. An energy..  It knows its final destination and how to get there..  At what speed, over what amount of time.. Through what obstacles.. Under what circumstances..  "Love finds a way..  Love knows the way...  ".    I have great confidence in this truth..  And rest in the knowledge: God is love; God is truth..
In Jesus name, -amen.

Thursday, June 05, 2014

KIDS AGAINST HUNGER at (wednesday night street party!)

And among those helping.. My son and nephew..  Proud mom and auntie moment...  "Thank you!" To everyone at the booth and everyone contributing...

MODEL POSE fusion 3 salon.. (Me!) Sandra, tvgp

I've only been Inside once.. But remember that they massage your hands! In addition to pretty-ing up your hair..

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UPSIDEDOWN TURTLE POSE museum on main.. (Me!) Sandra, tvgp

And more good sports.. Jen and daughter. "Thank you!" Great to see you

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ZOMBIE POSE prim.. (Me!) Sandra, tvgp

And I told her.. "I once won an ugly face contest!" And she looked at me like, "I bet you did.".    -good sport.. Very nice..

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SUPERHERO POSE berry patch (me!) Sandra, tvgp..

+ great visit with Gary winter.. And nice to meet you Jason...

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THINKING POSE towne center books (me!) Sandra, tvgp

.. Nice young couple helped me out here "thanks!" -and who can i-spy the ricks picks warehouse flyer?

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NINJA POSE.. Next to a street performer (me!) Sandra, tvgp

- good musician and a good sport too.. "Thanks!"

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YOGA POSE -in front of my favorite restaurant..(me!) Sandra, tvgp

.. And when I looked at this picture.. I was like.."oh my God I got a beautiful shot of that gorgeous stranger.. Look at that pose! Couldn't have planned it.. Like Paris! I have to go show her.. Tell her".. And then when I walked over.. Turns out I knew her.. Used to pour wine with her son...   Unexpected blessing/nice visit..

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Wednesday, June 04, 2014

FREE, THE QUANTUM BUTTER FLYS, a poem by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I'm inspired to re-post this after watching the film by Lea pool, titled, the blue butterfly.

***

Free, the quantum butter flys...

Nano techs tagged my wings, still expected me to fly.
Probed me under a microscope with how's and when's and why's.

"I WAS BORN A MYSTERY. A MYSTERY I'LL REMAIN.
Doesn't matter if you give me a fancy scientific name."

So what, -bestow a species, track the patterns of my migration.
Go write ahead and place a dollar value based on my population.

"I WAS BORN A MYSTERY. A MYSTERY I'LL REMAIN.
Doesn't matter if you capture me in a net like its all some kind of game."

You must look without a microscope
Into the quantum sea,
There, where I can't show you
More love than you can see.

You need a feelings Instrument
To appreciate my wings,
Held at a Godly distance,
Called: where the caged birds sing.

The more you learn about me, the less you'll tend to know.
You must unobserve me, to really see the show.

"I WAS BORN A MYSTERY. A MYSTERY I'LL REMAIN.
The more you hope to profit, the less you stand to gain."

It's so easy complicated, such a peaceful con-of-flict; but the closer you look, the further you'll be, and the less you can predict.

Beyond my smallest particle
Exists a flutter full surprise:

Spirit. Love. Amazing Grace: THE LIGHT that lights my eyes.

FREE! The quantum butter flys, moving secrets in suspension.
Free and unpredictable -towards hearts with true intensions.

"I WAS BORN A MYSTERY.
I AM MADE FROM LOVE.
FREE, THE QUANTUM BUTTER FLYS.
-UNOBSERVED; ABOVE."

"A+!" For (my sister!).. Bragging writes for (me!)

"Congratulations! Keeshie!"

Allow me to share with my imaginary audience; explain..

Circumstances (which I will spare you..) Were  -how can I say?  Well, when we were in  high school let's just say, A. The environment was not conducive to learning.  Less than optimal.. And B. Succeeding in school was not the highest priority..

So! To have witnessed then..  How my sister graduated.. "By the hair on her chiny-chin-chin"  as I like to say..   What effort and measures and prayers it took to cross the platform and collect her diploma..

To know that she felt like, "school just ain't my thing.."

And then! To see her NOW!   "Wow!".     -as an adult, only 12 units shy of earning a college degree     -she nervously decided to go back..

Turns out all it took for her to go from pretty quiet girl in the back of the class barely getting by

To

Beautiful talkative Shining star in the front row, -was..

20 years or so...

Polar opposite experience.. Now she could practically teach the class she is taking. -one of the smartest, most knowledgeable students in the class. Studies late into the evening; shows up early for class.. 

100% participation! And...  Her first semester back:

A+!

I'm so glad..  Thrilled!  Her childhood memories of struggling just to pass in school

Have been replaced with this experience of ... Joyful challenge to earn the highest grade!

"CONGRATULATIONS! KEESHIE!".  Very happy for,  proud of, and Inspired by you..

And I know your kids are very proud too!     -what a beautiful thing  to role model...

May your success continue!  In Jesus name..  Amen!

Tuesday, June 03, 2014

..yes...

The Heart Seen.. By my (niecy~wiecy! Sarah!)...

In her chicken dinner...

Monday, June 02, 2014

Tears of gratitude from (me!) Sandra, tvgp

"Do something" by (matthew west!)

..should be our national anthem...

"I choose you" by (andy grammer!)

..what a beautiful song...

Sunday, June 01, 2014

STILL ON MENTAL/EMOTIONAL/SPIRITUAL HOLD for (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Honoring Dr Maya Angelou.

***

But did you see my charlie rose's tribute..?...  So beautiful!  The only one I'll watch.  Unless  ..maybe if tavis smiley does a program; and of course Oprah.. Or Dr Maya Angelou's son..  But that's it.  No one can add..

Next brain initiative committee meeting.. From (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Brain mapping/the connectome..  Compare and contrast with the bible:  locate: faith..  According to the bible.. Access to faith (connection thereof..) Is gained through grace.  Locate grace. You will find a synapse between these two..  Color code.  Also.. See if you can confirm or disprove that there is a pathway in the brain which connects somehow: suffering with perseverance with character with hope.  Make a brainbow which demonstrates your findings... 

One more for the fmri machine.. From (me!) Sandra, tvgp