Monday, June 09, 2014

NO LETTER I CAN WRITE by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I did everything I was told to do..  I envisioned. I prayed. I wished. I held on to hope..  "I believed!".  I never gave up...

I practiced patience..    I spoke it out loud to the universe.. To God..

And back to back to back to back..  She was in my life, one form or another:

I quoted her.

I read her.

"I just mentioned her LAST NIGHT!"

/not last night, as in yesterday evening

THE last night; last night she was alive; here on earth.

My grief was double.  My grief was squared.

The dream, the hope, the wish of meeting her.  Officially, quite officially,  died too.

Now. It. Can. NEVER. Happen.  Period. 

Its a selfish grief; but not lessened by that fact.  

The reality hits me hard tonight.   The death of my dream.

To go from..  An Inkling of a chance

Well when you go from inkling to ZERO chance; suddenly inkling was much larger than realized

An inkling is HUGE! When compared to NO CHANCE AT ALL; EVER.

Now there is no letter I can write, no matter how heart felt..

No phone call I can make..

No person I might meet who could maybe connect me to..

No happy accident, no Harpo hook up, no miracle even..

There is NO, NONE whatsoever chance now, under any circumstance, secular or divine

That I will meet in person, my Dr Maya Angelou.

So  cry, cry, cry some more..

And let it remind me

(Me!)

To accept the things I cannot change.

So I accept.  /as if I had any choice in the matter..

But that sure doesn't mean I like it.

***

Spiritually speaking, it is for post graduate students only

-accepting what we cannot change.

With grace and faith and trust in God.

Goes for any death of a loved one, young or old..

From.. Maybe one day.. 

Maybe one day we'll.. Talk about...

Maybe one day we'll try this or that..

Maybe one day we'll go visit..

Maybe we can..  Maybe we should.. Maybe we might..

From,  maybe one day to; never-ever.

The unchangeable never-ever.

Robbed of hope.   -makes it very clear suddenly what a large role hope plays in our day to day lives.

So, my dream, my hope; they died with her. 

I'm in practice again..  Because it is certainly not my first

And certainly not the last time

I will need to do this: accept the things I cannot change.

With grace, and faith and trust in God.

I guess it must be at the tip top of that painful list called "things we cannot change":

Death.

This is where hope makes a new appearance however;

In heaven.  In life after...     And it is very easy to picture Dr Maya Angelou there.. 

That's the picture I hold onto now....

In Jesus name...  Amen.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home