SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

CONVERSATION WITH GOD ABOUT SEX (me!) Sandra, tvgp

True story, true story: I let it all roll in my mind; everything. Everyone. For as far back as I can remember, to my most recent encounter.. Everything I could remember, everything I've been told, everything I've ever heard or seen.. Every conversation with a friend or family member regarding sex.. Every movie, every book, every news report, every church service, every girl talk, every before and after talk with any given person I've ever actually had sex with.. Every message conveyed through commercials, through various cultures.. Every warning, every promise, every truth, every lie..it was amazing to review this...  Infinite-feeling list.. The very mixed bag of memories:  "yes! I remember when that woman was fired for suggesting masturbation was okay.. Perhaps could reduce teenage pregnancies, STD's.. Etc.".  -and now to see these same things encouraged/talked about openly on TV by sex experts..".  Without any need for detail.. I have seen the worst, the exploitation, the dysfunctional, the hideous..  Sex as a weapon, sex as a negotiation tool, sex as manipulators #1 skill set.  Sex to numb, sex to appease, sex because there is nothing else to do.. Sex as a commodity, sex as a trade, sex out of curiosity..  Sex as a marketing tool, ...   Sex because its natural, sex because its unusual, sex to win a bet.. Sex because of hormones, sex because someone slipped a drug in a drink.. Sex to make someone jealous.. Sex to stir things up..   Of course my mind did also roll over.. Sex to celebrate love, sex to make babies, sex to express deep emotional commitments.. Sex for good health..  I thought about "my first time".  I thought about one night stands. I thought about sex with each of my husbands, with my almost husband, with men who I've temporarily loved -with men who I mistakenly attached myself...  I thought about everything I've ever heard about sex from males: from my dad to my brother to my friends, coworkers..  Conversations both intentional and of the eavesdropping nature.  I thought about everything I've ever heard about sex from females: from my grandma to my mom to my sister to my daughter to my female friends, mentors, coworkers, etc.   I thought also about.. What wasn't ever said... Why?  I thought about moods, tones, undertones, -the way in which people talk/communicate about sex: overtly, quietly, personally, openly, arrogantly, humbly... Fearfully, gratefully.. With humor.. Without humor.. With happiness, with regret..  With intention to harm, with intention to love..  Everything tumbled in my mind..  It was exhaustive.

So I said to Jesus, I said, "Jesus.. If you don't personally provide me some clarity on this issue of sex I'm going to go to my grave confused."

And Jesus..  At least I think it was Jesus..  He said to me, "sandra. -read Solomon."

-that was it.  That was all I heard..  No, "and grace be with you.." Or "I understand.. Or, "you know the write thing to do.."

-read Solomon.  -that was it.

K

So  -being the bible scholar I am.. I went straight to my bible..

Scanned the table of contents with my finger tracing down every title from the old testament to the new testament..

Tracing; tracing..

From the top to the bottom.   Genesis. Exodus. Leviticus.. All the way to zechariah. Malachi..

Matthew, mark, Luke, john all the way to Jude and revelation..

"Hey Jesus!" I said /but with a reverent not sassy tone..

"There's not even a Solomon in here.. "

/embarrassing but true..

So I went to the alphabetical index:  goes from -sin- to -Son of man-

Sol comes before son.. Write..

Double check..  No solomon.

Fine.

Did the extra research and finally landed on song of songs.

I was like, "Jesus. Why didn't you just tell me.. Song of songs?"

Which, it turns out I've read before..  And delighted and laughed at the poetry..  Not with ill will, but because of what was considered a compliment in that time..   Today might be considered an insult.

Anyway..

Read it. Whole thing. Then I went back in prayer; said,

"Jesus. -that was no help at all."

And I haven't heard anything back yet.

I am, "waiting upon the Lord" as the church folks like to say..

This is when our strength rises.

True story. In his name,    -amen.

posted by SHE @ 9:38 AM