BOYS to MEN by (me!) sandra, tvgp
so, I was going over in my mind again.. -relationships.
and I was like,
parents/good.. love has only grown.
children/good.. love has only grown.
siblings/good.. love has only grown.
friendships/good.. love has only grown.
so, what is it about... romantic relationships? -spouses? on/off.. never, good and love grows.. but rather good, great.. good, bad, worse, horrific, get me out of here.
hmmm, what thing separates, distinguishes romantic relationships from all the other ones? ...there must be something...
OH! of course... it's SEX. all my good, positive and thriving relationships do not involve sex!
SEX is the problem.. well/it's never a problem
rather, .. that IS the one thing that distinguishes spousal/romantic relationships from all the other types of relationships in my life that are successful..
obviously, I started to entertain the idea of having a romantic relationship.. 'that just doesn't involve sex
but by the time I arrived to my destination and parked, I said to myself
-that's okay. I'm fine with a few more breaks in my heart.
In I think I heard Jesus laughing.. 's name. amen!
i'm going easy on myself.. so, my first two pilgrimage visits here in san leandro, were #1 Rasputin music -and, wow! the amount of CD and DVD covers in any given aisle I was able to recognize..
there is a lot of music and images stored in this brain of mine.. but the other thing worth mentioning, to any single people attracted to men.. -forget the church social, or the local bar.. and head to Rasputin.. there were a lot of men in there..
Every time I move I lose...when I look I'm in
And every time I turn around...I'm back in love again
(right back, right back...in love again...seems like, seems like)
That I'm back in love...again
then, I had to stroll through, the new starbucks, which is in the same lot as Rasputin.. -said a telepathic 'hello' to Russell..
-this starbucks used to be.. if I am remembering correctly, and that is anybody's guess: but I believe it was called Doggy Diner (?) -and, when I was a teenager, I used to have my dad drive me there so I could order a hot dog and coke from ... Russell... /can't remember last name.. remember blond hair, cute face.. voice. and I remember my dad making several efforts to explain to me.. in his own words: don't chase the boys.. let the boys chase you... but, they were never fast enough, so I would help them out...
also... did a little stroll through Southland Mall with my beautiful mom.. THE! place to hangout as a teenager growing up in Hayward.. need to re-connect with sue-sue for detail in my vague memories.. maybe I can get a guest visit from mary (gerace) re here in comments.. or my brother... or sister...
all I would need to do is say... ~roundtable.
and, the tattoo on my face, matches one of the symbols on the Warriors Chinese New Year inspired jerseys.. which, apparently, with the second symbol in Chinese = Warrior. But, with just the one symbol, Japanese translation = courage/bravery.. or, as I like to share: "conquer the world with kindness."
anyway.. as I love the Warriors, and this particular jersey, I thought..
"i'm sorry... did you just say ONE HUNDRED AND TEN DOLLARS...?!?
-so, just took a picture with it instead.
and the music/song/lyrics that surfaced here was.. Macklemore
They be like, Oh, that
NBA... That's hella tight
I'm like, Yo that's
ONE HUNDRED AND TEN DOLLARS for a T-shirt
Limited edition, let's do some simple addition
ONE HUNDRED AND TEN DOLLARS for a T-shirt, that's just some ignorant bitch (Shit)
I call that getting swindled and pimped (Shit)
I call that getting tricked by a business
Yes.. this jersey is a~ hella~dope
but.. look at my hardwork, my paycheck.. this jersey is a~hella~nope.
ive got a write to be wrong... (me!) sandra, tvgp
from the playlist storage in my mind, the soundtrack for this post directs me to:
rick cahall: "what year is your jeep again?"
rick: "how much did you pay for it?"
(me!): "well, it goes like this.. way too much. but the thing is.. my Saturn hybrid barely made it on to the lot for a trade-in.. my prayer was just that I could drive it there, and not have to have it towed; k. and my credit score was like, 2... and my negotiation skills -zero.
and when you add that all together.. you pay a few thousand dollars more than you are supposed to, but that's just the way that ball bounces."
honestly, I was so emotionally exhausted... sometimes you just have to choose.. not only how to spend your money, but
your energy; your time.. /if more people understood the true cost...
in this case.. I had zero energy, zero time, zero patience, for the bs of going back and forth, and back and forth with numbers written on paper... let me go see my supervisor... this is the best I can do... but, no wait.. let me go see again...
such a stupid game. and, so the very first offer, I said, "sounds great. where do I sign.. get me out of here.."
and I love my jeep blue see. oh! the gas is killing me.. but, ive never felt safer.. I love being high up, and the windows! such a grand view in every direction.. and the tires! especially in this belated el nino flash flood environment we are currently enduring.. and for the life-threatening commutes..
and, all write.. the air conditioning/heating unit is out..
and.. what a funny idiosyncrasy it has developed: and how proud I am of myself for figuring out how to..
well, what happen is that it started to beep, beep, beep.. out of nowhere. and for the life of me, I could not figure out how to get it to "STOP!" "SHUT UP!" "TURN OFF!!
-and I was allowing myself to be quite dangerously distracted by this annoying beep, while I was driving on the freeway.. looking here and there... pressing every button.. trying so hard to get it to "SHUT UP!"
then I kicked into, -is shutting this noise off, worth crashing
-because that is what is going to happen if you keep..
and I decided to test myself.. to see just how undistracted
I could be... and tried to sing a long to the music, and just ignore...
so, one time, I successfully ignored the beep, beep, beep, all the way from Livermore to San Leandro.
this is also a very important skill set... so, maybe my negotiation skills are lacking, but..
when it comes to the ability to not let potentially dangerous annoying things/people distract me from the task at hand..
I give myself an A++
[and what is the car salespersons skill set anyway... mastering the art of taking the most financial advantage of a less skilled/ financially vulnerable fellow human being? -I would not be proud of that... but, I'm interested in testing/I'm curious.. like, what is the maximum amount a trained salesperson would let an untrained customer pay; and still maintain good conscience?
-for the record.. they were wonderful/helpful.. my experience positive; I'm only making a few points...
anyway, I don't know how.. it was accidental the way I figured out..
really?!? that's all I have to do? serious?
-because it turns out, anytime the beep starts.. if I click the turn signal just one time, up, like I'm about to make a write turn
-for at least a couple miles..
and then when it starts again... one click/write turn... stop. like magic! who knew...
it was a very exciting discovery I must say.
I haven't figured out why it beeps. and I haven't figured out how to get it to stop completely.
I am in this pattern now... anytime the beeping begins: I immediately hit the signal up, like I'm about to make a quick write turn
-so, if you are among those drivers who happen to be behind me, when the beeping starts
it must look like i'm about to turn write into a house, or hill, or building, or giant truck..
"why is her signal on? you cant turn write here! there is not even a road...
is she drunk? is there some hanky~panky going on in that jeep?"
but, no.. when you see the wink of my write red tail blinker light
I am just living in harmony with ... I am just co~existing with my jeep blue see's idiosyncrasy
and that! is a good skill to have too.. a very important life skill indeed!
can you imagine if we all learned to live with each other's idiosyncrasies instead of trying to fix everything and everyone to death all the time..
[sparing you my dissertation on the importance of letting steph curry chew on his mouth guard; but let that be one of the lessons]
I process it now, like a neurological stress test of sorts..
because it is one very easy thing, now that I know the secret to temporarily stopping the beeping sound, -on a clear day, on a beautiful road I have all to myself, with blue skies and no traffic.. and a great song playing..
it is very easy under those circumstances, to hear the beep and immediately click the signal.
after a long, taxing day... when I'm super tired... and it is very dark out... and the rain is pouring down hard; relentless.. and the traffic is thick... and the only thing on the radio is another annoying commercial..
and then add the BEEP...
and all of that describes my drive home from work last night. and i'd like to close by saying "Thank You Jesus!" -and giving myself another A++.
SHE's making a write turn! out of nowhere!
hallelujah! & amen!
gotta love these lyrics:
joss stone.. slight personalization edits, by (me!)..
I've got a write to be wrong
My mistakes will make me strong
I'm stepping out into the great unknown
I'm feeling wings though I've never flown
I've got a mind of my own
I'm flesh and blood to the bone
I'm not made of stone
Got a write to be wrong
So just leave (me!) alone
I've got a write to be wrong
I've been held down too long
I've got to break free
So I can finally breathe
I've got a write to be wrong
Got to sing my own song
I might be singing out of key
But it sure feels good to (me!)
Got a write to be wrong
So just leave (me!) alone
You're entitled to your opinion
But it's really my decision
I can't turn back I'm on a mission
If you care don't you dare blur my vision
Let (me!) be all that I can be
Don't smother (me!) with negativity
Whatever's out there waiting for (me!)
I'm going to face it willingly
public "thank you!" to (jacquie williams~courtright!) from (me!) sandra, tvgp
when I started at alden lane in june, -one of the first things I learned was that the owner, Jacquie, -well, she herself, bakes these awesome delicious cakes for each employee -and not just for birthdays, but for the young adults leaving for college..
and, the goodbyes are made just a little bit easier with a fork-full of deliciousness..
and that is my confession.. when Rachel mentioned she would be leaving for France... my first reaction was.. ~how much i'm going to miss you..
but quicker than I'm willing to admit, my mind bounced to: "that means there will be cake!"
and my mom asked me.. if Jacquie made one cake for all the February birthdays, and I had the pleasure of sharing, that no..
she makes a cake for each individual person and birthday AND! you get to pick from a menu.. whatever your favorite is, even special requests..
and, ive got to get myself ready for work write now, so i'll close by saying.. I know my cakes. and these cakes she makes; that frosting! -amazing!
"thank you!!" ~xoxo sandra
to jennifer lash, from (me!) sandra, tvgp
Hi Jennifer, Kissin' The Chocolate Blues was performed one night only, with permission, at the Firehouse Art Center, a 240 seat theater, during my term as Poet Laureate for Pleasanton, California, on a $500 budget. The response from the audience was a playwrite's dream
"so powerful! Dr Maya Angelou has to see this!" "Does Oprah know about this..? "You have to get this on film..." "i always liked Dr Maya Angelou, but now I LOVE her!" and, somewhere in my email archives, very positive responses from local book club members who attended the event and who said they were inspired to write rave reviews to Dr Maya Angelou, and Oprah and friends in the industry.
I believe it deserves professional backing, and should be performed again... and again... and again, for audiences all around the world, and I do dream of having the opportunity to reunite the 3 woman cast: Faith Alpher, as Dr Maya Angelou, myself/narrator, and Jessica Reaber, musician, and perform/audition for potential producers, who will see, it has the potential to pack the house of the Royal Albert Hall.. and inspire standing ovations on Broadway...
and, I see you are Director of Music Licensing.. The song I dedicate to Dr Maya Angelou, in Kissin' The Chocolate Blues, is KT Tunstall's song: Suddenly I See. -Are the lyrics not perfect!! Her face came immediately to my mind, and still does, every time I hear that song... "She's got the power to be, the power to give.. the power to see.. yeah, yeah, yeah" Of course, I dream KT Tunstall herself could be in the performance
/I am like a professional day~dreamer... anyway,
That is my dream. But -as it is just a dream, I know that regardless, the script itself, should be with Dr Maya Angelou's legacy keepers. I did mail my original script to what I hope was her office at Wake Forest University, that was in Feb of 2013. Where/with who this ultimately landed, I do not know.
Blessings to you Jennifer Lash,
Sandra Harrison Kay, literary & mixed media artist
inbetween customers... (me!) sandra, tvgp
"okay... yes, thank you... you be sure and have a nice day..."
Stephen Colbert: "... that was something we didn't know... and how 'bout foreign languages.. do you speak any other languages?"
(me!): "Itchi gitchi ya ya da da. Itchi gitchi ya ya here. Mocha-choca-lata ya ya.
and, Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir.... " but that's about it."
Stephen Colbert.. /laughs.. "that's all you need to know... actually... but do you have any idea what that means..?"
(me!): " no, I can't actually translate; I can only interpretative dance. actually... my special skill is being able to speak two different English Languages..
Stephen Colbert: /lifting only one eyebrow.. "okay.. let's here it..."
(me!): "well, it is very obvious to me, that intelligence and comedy are two of your God-given gifts..
it is very obvious, that in the before of some gazillion rotations of the earth ... when two forces manifested out of nowhere, and happen to collide, despite infinite space, at the exact speed and gforce necessary for some kind of random big bang to happen that would ultimately create organized universes, galaxies.. and result eventually in human life.. -that, skip, skip, skip to my you... the entire series of events, made it so that when your parents united... -that unique set of x's, oh's
and y-nots made you somehow highly intelligent, handsome and funny
next customer... "hi, how are you today...
to colin johnson, bob hercules, rita coburn whack, caged bird legacy.. from (me!) sandra, tvgp
I am the playwrite of, "Kissin' The Chocolate Blues" an onstage valentine I wrote to properly thank Dr Maya Angelou for the gargantuan ways she influenced my life/my writing; and helped our whole world.
Kissin' The Chocolate Blues was written to share; to entertain; to inspire and to thank..
It shares how I first became enthralled with her work, and set out to meet, get an autograph book and a picture..
this quest becoming its own adventure; several attempts and lasting over 30 years..
I want to share the script; the performance -and make this story available..
it belongs with her legacy keepers..
Please contact me,
Sandra Harrison Kay, literary & mixed media artist
HYPOCRISY Report Card. for (me!) sandra, tvgp
the list is much longer than I will admit. but here's two:
-you know how I like to lightheartedly joke, -every time something goes wrong, "that's because they didn't ask me first! -had they asked me.. I could have spared them... /this or that.."
but these days, I'm like "stop asking me! I don't want to fill out one more frickin' survey"... my God, don't you have some clue as to how you're doing?! -self assess already.. ask a few people... how much feedback, from how many people, on how many things?
but this is because I can't seem to make a move, order a product online, visit a counter at a store, purchase a product at a kiosk, eat at a restaurant... -I can't seem to rent a movie, borrow a book, or send a letter, without my action being followed up with a questionnaire or form to fill out.. it is absolute overkill.
and, very important that I create one myself so I can know how I can improve my blog...
also, I really like his beard. and i don't get a vote, but if i did, i would vote, keep the beard. it looks very attractive.
and, but.. if the person with the beard said to me.. i liked your hair.. /whatever.. blond, brunette... you should keep it that way, it looked very attractive
i would be like, "well, that's too bad isn't it. i like it gray."
new page: highly interested in davis's website, and the entire field of IPM
if i had the time and money i would put down the novel I'm currently reading, quit my job, and read the website full-time
but only to mine for analogies...
i'll be back to correct/amend.. I'm writing pre-maturely.. but,
really, it's all about learning how to create healthy environments in the natural world... identify pests and insects.. determine whether they are a help or hindrance to a given garden/plant/tree/flower.. farm
whether you should attract, or repel.. or co-exist with given creatures...
which are immediate threats... which are beneficial.. on and on..
and of course I'm fascinated with the knowledge of how color/aroma can be used to manipulate whether you attract or repel..
or set boundaries..
and there are lighthearted conversations at alden lane, where we discuss.. the effect of hormones/pheromones in humans.. how we send these signals, and don't even know..
and, so of course, I'm so curious.. i mean i know how to attract a man.. but, what scent do i need to generate or wear to attract a Christian, loyal, monogamous... honest, kind, funny... hard-working.. loving...
i need to put some copper tape... around my heart... and spray something that kills the desires of players/liars.. but attracts... /and if it weren't for work, these little imagination movies would have no end..
all of this is going on in the human population everyday..
and -as the name itself indicates- "potter's touch" "potters house" -Bishop T.D. Jakes..
there are lots of teachings where the analogy of a potter and clay are used to describe the relationship between God and his children..
but i am absolutely convinced the best analogy is gardener and garden.. /and didn't it all get started..
God as the ultimate gardener.. we, as plants, flowers, trees..
and God knows, for each individual, the exact amount of air, water, sun, shade, attention, ... the write soil conditions.. what to use to attract; to create concern/awareness; which things to remove; which to amend.. where to set boundaries.. when to prune, when to let go wild... indoors/outdoors.. climate/temperature... hover vs. ignore.. moisture levels... on and on...
so that each individual can become/realize their full potential..
there are a million analogies!! but it is when we connect, through prayer/meditation.. that we can heed the information and work in collaboration..
plus.. mine the Bible for garden references... its saturated in references to the earth.. gardens.. vineyards.. the natural world..
ive already noted: sun is to plants; as attention is to humans.. (shade/introverts; sun/performers)
and i'm pretty sure: money is to humans; as water is to plants... (overwatering causes... underwatering causes..)
and i kinda think: air is analogous to love.. (mandatory for all... and the more pure/fresh the better)
pruning -getting rid of any unhealthy relationships/counterproductive thinking; conquering addictions.. becoming free from bugs like, fear/insecurities...
and i am entertaining/pondering the idea, that sanctification in humans, is like.. well, the ultimate horticulturist already knows, how much of this &; that... to reach full potential...
sanctification seems to me.. kinda like, when the perfect amount of everything... sun/shade; nutrients; pruning.. time/seasons... care/attention... weeding.. amending...
when it all combines to bring out the best...
and i will conclude with this:
for me... this is the single most beautiful house plant I ever have seen.. i mean, it is just spectacular!! and, in my heart, the desire..
the desire would be to snatch it up and bring it home with me.. and set it.. anywhere.. anywhere my eyes could land on it every morning.. and when i return home from work
but you can't just snatch it up.. and put it anywhere you want.
it has certain environmental requirements if it is expected to thrive..
horticulturists have already learned how much light, how much water, how much space... what soil..
it wont just grow anywhere
.. under any circumstance /but some plants will!
and so, i thought to myself.. after learning more about this plants specific requirements,
i thought to myself... i day~dreamed: if i had the money and time and resources..
i would design my entire custom built home around the needs of this gorgeous, spectacular house plant...
In Jesus mustard seed is planted in you's name... amen!
SPIRITUAL ENCOUNTERS of every single be-kind by (me!) sandra, tvgp
with every single encounter between two human beings
-and it does not matter who
between a shopper and cashier
between a person asking directions and a person answering
between a young and old person
between lovers, between family, between friends, between complete strangers...
pluck any two people from any part of the world. even if they do not speak the same language:
-with every single encounter between two human beings; there is a spiritual exchange.
it is far more complicated than i'm about to describe, but exactly for simplicity's sake:
person A, arrives at encounter already feeling either -good, -bad, -or neutral depending on their life circumstances
person B, is also already feeling, -good -bad, or neutral based on their unique circumstances
and if they regard one another even just in passing... or if they engage in any conversation/communication of any kind, for any length
the status of the state they arrived in.. alters. sometimes, microscopic in scale, sometimes in big and obvious ways
but no encounter/exchange between two human beings is immune from some level of effect; there is always an impact; a subtle shift; only sometimes it is easily detectable
but -after the encounter
person A and B are either in the same state as they arrived but to a higher or lower degree, or their state has shifted completely, from feeling bad to good, or vice versa..
some people are conscious of this spiritual exchange taking place; many are not.
Dr Maya Angelou, for example, once she was old and mature and evolved enough, -past her turbulent youth,
she became quite conscious this spiritual exchange was taking place and made it a personal practice to see to it, that anyone who came into her personal sphere would leave in better shape than they arrived. her presence, her words, her gestures, her expressions
she communicated with everything she had in a way that resulted in others feeling better
about themselves, and the world in general. people feeling bad, would feel better. people feeling neutral would feel good, and people already feeling good would, in the aftermath of a Dr Maya Angelou encounter, -feel like they could take on the world
she lifted the spirits of an incalculable number of people in her lifetime.
even when her intent -even when she consciously desired to make someone feel worse; she did it with the intention of helping them to evolve.. learn respect, manners, social graces necessary for improving the world
it is well known, upon hearing a racist joke told at a gathering in her home, that she abruptly demanded the person leave
-there was no apologizing on the spot for redemption
she made sure the impact was felt -and racist joke telling people had proper time to really think seriously about what they were casually laughing about
as an observer and participator in life, I have a heightened sensitivity to this spiritual exchange taking place -sometimes in nano-seconds, and sometimes over long visits and conversations
and what a wonderful world it is, when everyone lifts everyone else..
it is a good practice; a good exercise, just to pay attention:
how do you feel -after- spending time in (variable person) presence and company?
and perhaps even more important: how do people feel after spending time with you?
and may I quote here, Bishop T.D. Jakes "... can I go deeper?" -this is more complicated also, than I'm about to make it, but..
when Dr Maya Angelou consciously/intentionally wanted to make a person feel worse.. it was to help them improve/grow...
there are many people who make other people feel worse, but it is to make themselves feel better/superior.. that is an ugly spiritual exchange, but common
when Dr Maya Angelou consciously/intentionally wanted to lift your spirits and help you feel better, it was because she knew you underestimated your own value, strengths, contributions.. significance, capabilities
there are many people who make other people feel better, but it is to manipulate for personal gain. this is also an ugly spiritual exchange, but common.
so for those who want to go a little deeper,
you not only ask yourself, how do I feel after spending time with so n' so, -but why? and, when you set out to make a person feel better... why? what are your motivations?
genuine humanitarians -our most evolved human beings /and notice here I must employ the word genuine..
genuine humanitarians are conscious of this spiritual exchange; and use every communication tool -words, tone, eye contact, gesture, body language of every kind; to elevate the individuals they come in contact with, and thereby improve the world
everyone else should be on the path to arrive there...
** deeper still **
I am re-stating in different words now/previous lesson: when person A consciously (or not) makes person B feel less than; insecure in any way.. with ill intention [to feel superior; to control/manipulate; from jealousy, spite, lack of character/love, maturity] -the importance of person B becoming impervious to these attacks
.. this skill is one of the single most important skills a person can attain. especially in this current world of social media, where attacks from less evolved humans are a pandemic...
we do not arrive here with this skill. children and young people must be taught to acquire... it is more important, in my opinion, than any academic ... or rather I should say, -without this skill; the rest of our education is a waste...
In Jesus motivations are pure 's name, amen!
/do you think he just wanted to sell books? be popular? profit off of Bible sales? make money off of speaking engagements and tours? what motivated Jesus...
sermon on the mount? the beatitudes...
Trust God. Believe in Yourself. review by (me!) sandra, tvgp
these things will combine to help you make decisions, if you give me just a minute...
PART ONE: on several occasions Joyce Meyers has taught about the importance of sticking things out: remaining in your marriage, even when it gets difficult. remaining at your job, even when it gets tough. etc., etc.,
and she will say, "someone else might gladly take your husband just so they don't have to eat alone." -or, "someone else might be glad to have your job..."
but she has also shared, she herself is divorced and remarried, and she also shares how she accepted a job as a pre-school teacher, and only lasted about 3 hours /something like that..
and each one of us, will have occasions -multiple occasions, when we have to decide whether to stick something out, or cut losses and move on...
pay close attention to HOW you make these decisions.. best case/worst case scenarios of seeing something through; best case/worst case scenario of cutting losses, moving forward
Joyce teaches, not to let your feelings/emotions dictate
it is my experience and observations, that most people already know the answer, in any given situation, but spend a great deal of time and energy contemplating anyway..
so, i'm fascinated when Joyce Meyer talks about her very brief time as a pre-school teacher: why did she not internally argue with her desire to leave? why did she not -stick it out, and consider it a potential and important time to learn greater patience; endurance; adult/child relationship building..
she bailed. -and, yet.. teaches valid lessons on the virtues of staying in that job you hate.
-she later explains.. she did not feel the anointing
for that position...
PART TWO: i recently complemented a co-worker friend on his merchandising -it looks fantastic, his St Patricks themed display
he commented that he does his best work when he doesn't think about it
-just does it.
-that! is a master level skill set. when you no longer have to think; you just do.
what was once cumbersome, slow, awkward.. becomes pure instinct
the process is best captured by repeating what i heard mike Meyers repeat/quote:
at the start you are: UNconsciously INcompetent
(you don't even know, you don't know..)
next you become: CONSCIOUSLY INcompetent
(aware you have some learning to do; need practice)
via practice/repetition you then become: CONSCIOUSLY COMPETENT
(aware you are gaining mastery)
until, at the master level you are: UNCONSCIOUSLY COMPETENT
-this is when you are operating out of pure instinct.. you don't think about it; practice and repetition allow you to
just do it.
excellent examples: learning to tie your shoe, as a child. learning to drive, as a young adult..
learning the art of friendly conversation..
CAVEAT BEING: even through practice, dedication, repetition... i could not become a steph curry, or tiger woods, or prima ballerina, or a mozart..
you must also be operating in collaboration with your God given gifts and talents.
so, discovering what your God given gifts and talents are...
this becomes quite a pleasurable responsibility in achieving what it is you are ultimately looking for
and lining these things up: gifts/talents, with creative process..
that is when you just can't lose, even if you tried.
so, when it comes to sticking it out, or cutting your losses
Trust your God given heart; Believe in yourself... you already know the answer.
In Jesus brought (me!) this far for good reasons... name, amen!