Tuesday, August 30, 2016

SPIRITUAL SEMANTICS as experienced/understood by (me!) sandra, tvgp

when I just typed,  -in Jesus trustworthy name,   -cerebral hyperlink

to:

how I changed my prayer

before:  I might have said,  someone I can trust

now and forever more I say..   someone trustworthy.

-because I certainly have accidentally trusted people who time revealed were not trustworthy.  -see.

spiritual semantics

 

On becoming a neuro~science~spiritualist.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

as I shared with my daughter.. it's all about pathways, and why not create a new one vs. one that already exists;  -write.

***

when I learned of Gene Wilder's death, a mini-slide show played through my mind  (how? where exactly?  what size screen?  how does it stop and start and pause?)  

it was mostly of a clip here, face shot there, of different movies I have seen that he acted in.

and then,   -his wife?   snl?   I could see her face..     but couldn't get her name to surface.

once I heard it though,  "oh yes!  of course!"    -an easy match; face to name/name to face.

so plenty of neuro-science questions just in that quick experience alone; memory storage; movie screen in our minds..   the mechanisms..

and then to experience compassion/empathy for the family/friends of    -affection for someone and for people I never knew/knew; not in person; only as an actor..    and curiosities about their faith; belief in the after-this-life..      reuniting in spirit with his wife   (wives)?   any/all preceding loved ones..

to consider the value of his legacy; impact his comedy had on the public at large..   how many smiles; how much laughter; how many spirits lifted..     -the unquantifiable/unknowable significance and impact his life had on others..

***


and then   -I acknowledge how..  if you had no exposure; had not been introduced in person, or to any movies gene wilder performed in   -nothing in your memory storage...

and so I compare, and think about, how we very obviously arrive here on earth with a unique set of talents, gifts which time and circumstance can unwrap and reveal

but -at the same time, we are quite restricted; it is very finite what can enter our memory storage..

  -we arrive with gifts/talents/instincts   -we accumulate memories.

you cannot be held accountable for something that never entered your memory in the first place..
there will always be an infinite to very finite ratio of what you don't know to what you do; each individual human being so limited

so look to the whole..     connections of people and events like synapses...

and if I had more time and energy..   I'd revisit premonitions here.. vs. de je vu..


***

and speaking of neuro~spiritual pathways..     narrow is the road..  

Matthew 7:13-14

In Jesus' trustworthy name!   ~amen.

Monday, August 29, 2016

The Wanderer. creative ambition by (me!) sandra, tvgp

oh, how can I make this happen?
I want you to enjoy the same thing..  see it the same way..  smile and laugh too

but you may not join (me!) in the shower to do it.  I need someone to make a video for me..
just stick the camera near the window..   watch, like I did, as the carpenter bee goes so quickly from flower to flower to flower to flower..  buzzing over here, then down over there.. then back up over there, then to this side, then to that..  here a flower, there a flower

and, as I watched through the window, I heard the lyrics to the wanderer..

and this is a fantastic pairing!   the perfect soundtrack..

and will help explain why i was giggling/laughing while i was in fact, alone in the shower.

from the inside, out. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

"what kind of things do you blog about?"    -it is the most common question when people learn I am a blogger.     I always answer the same:   "whatever is on my mind that day."

***

and today..   my mind is on my mind; again!

***

so, I know the ego was identified and so named by freud.  or at least, this is to whom we give the credit.   so I was curious..  who identified and named the conscience?   -and when I went to research I got attacked by advertisements..  in order to read the article online..  well, you must first watch this or that.. and if you try click out..   you just added three more minutes of headaches..

so, then I was thinkin'    God I miss books!   -can you imagine if when you went to the library, you couldn't open the door to get in until...   car advertisement

and then once you got in, you couldn't walk 10 feet without a  fast food advertisement..

and every aisle, and every shelf..    no access without first seeing this or watching that...

it is hideous! trying to navigate online.

so yes it is true we are living in the information overload age..  but you aint getting this information without being bombarded by advertisements.      that then, triggers the cerebral hyperlink of one of my posts, and I will only briefly here re-mention my brilliant idea of the movie theatre, and video games and advertisements, where the ad pops up on the screen and you shoot it with a video gun and kill it goodbye, and you get points which add up to discounts at the places advertising..

it is a win/win if there ever was one.  they get to advertise, we have a way to say, I hate advertisements, and yet.. we love sales and discounts.. and we are consumers.. so...

***

anyway, without fact-checking; I'm very curious about our own internal ability to fact-check our own selves for things like honesty

i.e.,  I read a passage in the Bible..   I said to myself..   if I were to be honest, I didn't understand that whole thing..

now, what I'm curious about, is..  what mechanism inside me allows me to interpret my own honesty?  -to know whether or not I'm being honest. (?).    -this seems separate from my conscience, which primarily distinguishes between write and wrong..

/she says with a smile.

what all is inside us anyway?   ego, conscience, interpreter, observer, consciousness, subconscious..

how many label~able/name~able parts or pieces reside in us, and have they ALL already been identified and named?   by who, when?

but I do not have time to research all this; I'm just curious..    and if I don't research it, and just contemplate it myself.. and come up with what I come up with..

well, in that way, I can either validate knowledge already gained; or add to it..  or inspire further research because there are new questions..

-write?

anyway..   this is just a guess, but for most young adults with even a minimal education   -I think if you mention ego, you can get a freud association..  

but if you say, conscience..    

so I might just give that a go the next couple days..   just randomly ask and see what services.

In Jesus loves a curious heart name..

heart   -who identified/named the heart?  not our physical heart  -the spiritual one

the one used in a conversation like this:

he put his whole heart into it.    or,

he did do it, but his heart was not in it.        ASK =  ask. seek. knock.    Matthew 7:7


amen!


Sunday, August 28, 2016

SPEAKING OF BUSINESS CARDS look what i made for (charles osgood!)


"Congratulations! Charles Osgood!"

I am grateful to have been a fan during your time as host of CBS Sunday Morning..

you are a treasure!

***

i'm also un~unpublishing/re-posting this  -because cerebral hyperlink opened for this too:





original post 12/03/2010
***
speaking of business cards
that is yet another thing i create with my mag time frame invention..
you do know what a mag time frame is don't you?
..only the WORLD'S FIRST CREATE-YOUR-OWN magnetic home decor frames
innovated by yours truly ")
and i wonder if this hand-crafted, customized, mag time business frame ever made into charles osgood's office?
i know he received my poem, because i received a wonderful, thank you letter in return. -but this..
not sure.

REWARDS FOR CLEANING for (me!) sandra, ttgp

i'm un~unpublishing/re-posting this because the cerebral hyperlink opened when bob koopmann just mentioned to me that Charles Osgood announced his upcoming retirement today on CBS Sunday morning..     hey.. I have a letter from him!






original post 11/16/07

combination of events has allowed me to at last! get around to cleaning today. on the rare occasions i do finally take responsibility for this painful/dreadful chore, it never fails i find some long lost or new treasure that makes it all worth while.



***

this time i found two treasures when going through my mail pile:


1st... lookie there will ya... I DID HAVE UNTIL NOV 29TH TO ADDRESS THAT FIX-IT TICKET!! the entire towing was just as unnecessary as i hoped and imagined. secretary is out today, but making an appointment with the chief of police.. see if we can get this whole thing worked out.


2nd: and lookie there... i had mailed a copy of my self-portrait poem to sunday morning, and what a delightful and total surprise to receive an acknowledgement letter from the one and only charles osgood. THANK YOU! i've been a loyal fan for years.. used to set my alarm for the 5:30am sunday morning show, before comcast dvr came around. now i watch you sunday evening (commercial free) and it is my favorite way to end one week and start a new one...


love and appreciation, ~sandra, ttgp


Saturday, August 27, 2016

The Heart Seen around downtown pleasanton by (me!) sandra, tvgp




"Happy Birthday!" to the best mom/grandma in the universe

big smiles from the English Rose in Downtown Pleasanton.  5 star service for 5 star mom..   -Rachel..  outstanding.

and.. we certainly celebrate Jesus' birthday in a big way every Christmas.. but Holy Mother Mary?

"to eternal grace!"

awesome tours @ alden lane! photo by (me!) sandra, tvgp

i'll write more here when a better window of time opens.. but see that beautiful blond "that's heather.. the one who reached her bare hands inside the spiders web and saved a dragonflies life..   -she is an awesome tour guide.



alden lane photos by (me!) sandra, tvgp


 some things just silently scream take my picture!   and it is a joy to figure out from what angle and distance..    this is alex's leaning tower of

"it's straw not hay"

(me!):  "whats the difference?"    -and, turns out, straw if for bedding and hay is for feeding/eating..   /or vice versa?  I don't remember..

but apparently there is quite a price difference between the two.    -see.  I learn somethin' new every day here..   don't necessary retain it, but I do learn it..

happy tears -from (me!) sandra, tvgp

don't you know I just ache..   but keep returning my mind to the knowing; they get to hang out together now.  soak up each others good company.  the cousins can bond..   and the stories/pictures already add up to:   write decision.  matt with his magic tournaments.. my sisters new job..  dentist/doctor..  church..    Melissa/keeshie enjoy the mom bond; and my brother  -the cool uncle..

and the change is big and dramatic and not without its downside, but what ive been sayin' is  -my sister will be the like lucille ball of that town..   she just makes everything funny in the re-telling of any obstacle/adversity

***

and, not on my list of easy things to do,  -show up to barones, music under the stars without my sister, but I certainly delighted in the fact "I can walk!" there from here   -and there is a small circle of regulars who seem to just know..  and they opened a spot for me on the dance floor and welcomed me in the fold..   so, at first I was crying because I ached for my sister, but then..   I cried some more because they were just so nice about understanding and offering a hug and keeping me dancing write through it..

and then of course it helped quite a bit that Pride & Joy was performing..   and the place was packed..  and the climate perfect...  

and, when I was in line for a drink there was a beautiful young woman behind me, who shared that it was her first time there..    she looked out at the packed dance floor and during a longer conversation said to me, "i totally wanna be like that when I get older!   this defies the aging myths.."

***

and then, I was the designated seat~saver at main street brewery last night..  "i can walk there!" from here..   I saved a table and chairs for the same very kind people who just embraced me in the dance fold at barones..  they went to Friday night concert in the park around the corner, and then to main street brewery where playthings was performing..    and we all talked, visited and danced some more.

I had to laugh at myself after crying.. and told Sheila..   this whole, missing my sister thing...  it started to remind me of how it felt after a break-up with a boyfriend when I was younger..

like..  oh that person reminds me of her...   oh! this song reminds me of her...    she would like this.. she would be doing this..  

and I have to remind myself..  it is my sister, and she just moved away..   she isn't gone/gone; and we didn't break up..    but, when it comes to the experience of missing someone..  

I sure know it now like I have never known it before.

***

today, I will be a memorial service for a childhood friends mom   -celebrating a 90 year life.  and it is at a Hayward cemetery    -and I must know at least a dozen people who are buried there..   -none who also made it to 90..  some who never made it to 50..   some who never made it to 30...    -and the very youngest, died as an infant.

so, it just seems important to acknowledge. to remember. to pray.

and then next week, on Thursday night:   to dance.

In Jesus holy name,  ~amen.



Wednesday, August 24, 2016

CAUGHT MY EYE @ (alden lane!) photos by (me!) sandra, tvgp





Monday, August 22, 2016

public "thank you!" to (izzy & taryn & jack!) from (me!) writeousmom

oh! i love getting to soak up my daughter while she's here..   and we've been hanging out..  movies/nails/visits..    love every minute.   -and my son is already back in school, so less time..

but! yesterday..   and when i get to be with both of them at the same time..   the joy factor.  anyway, it is a trick and heavenly blessing coordinating schedules sometimes to make that happen.. 

and coordinate for a family photo? juggle 4 separate schedules..  mine/taryn/jacks.. and our generous volunteer photographer izzy..  hers too..

but we somehow made it happen.  and yesterday, thank you izzy, taryn, jack..   we finally had a picture taken which will allow me to update the family photo on my WriteousMom.com website

as the current one is from 2009.

and everyone has grown quite a bit...    smile..  say, "hootenanny pancakes"

update coming very soon!     

public "thank you!" to (Abbie Koopmann!) from (me!) sandra, tvgp

 it is a Koopmann family every Sunday Morning Tradition:




 "HOOTENANNY
PANCAKES!"








 AND may i say one more time
WOW! & THANK YOU!

 LOVED the pancakes, love your company
love the outdoor seating..    and i love you!  xoxo

***

briefly mention here, as i am not a foodie, but when it comes to food, flavors.. all of that.  its all about the ratio of flavor and texture, and temperatures for me personally..  

and the perfect ratio here.. when your fork has mostly the warm hootenanny pancake, but also, a little banana, at least one blue berry, whipcream.. and syrup..  and when you can manage to combine all those flavors textures, temperatures in one bite..

it will send you!

In thank you Jesus & Abbie's name..    amen!

public "thank you!" to ( Leann Caldwell & friends!) from (me!) sandra, tvgp

so grateful to be on the invitation list for Lee Ann's spontaneous 'let's get together and celebrate the end of summer' come as you are..  pot~luck.

and she made a point to say,  'not spiffin' up the house'   -just come on over, kind of thing..

and, on the whole, I think we need to do this kind of thing much more often..  relaxed, casual..  about the people/friendship; not about the house..

/and for me.. not too much about the dish you bring either.   i defaulted of course, to..    cake w/real frosting, beer..   and some flowers for the hostess.

***

and Lee Ann is just one of those very wonderful to be around and visit kind of people..  and turns out she is a magnet for the same.   -had the privilege of meeting several new mom~women friends; diverse in life-expeience; common in delighting in good visits, wine & food..

we started indoors; landed out doors..  covered a wide range of topics in casual conversation, from from the silly to the serious; from the creative legacy of burning man to what's hot write now in politics, we talked comedies, we shared about some of our tragedies..   little bit about  hair, fashion, pop culture; tv shows/movies; spiritual/religious..       and, enjoyed learning how music of our youth is a great current connector/link

there isn't one of us who doesn't know all the lyrics to any variety of carol king's music.  -and we talked about all going together to see the musical, but..   missed it darn it; its already come and gone..

in any case.. wonderful evening! Lee Ann..  "thank you!"    and as discussed,  look forward to future get togethers, be it craft centered; book centered; wine tasting..   comparing the best BLT's in the tri-valley..   

whatever.  i'm there if i can be!


In Jesus loves fellowship name,  ~amen!

Saturday, August 20, 2016

LEV GROSSMAN @ RAKESTRAW lucky (me!) sandra, tvgp


08/20/2016:

so, unpacking first box, and I came across my autographed book, The Magicians, by Lev Grossman..

-I'm pretty sure my book is still in his backpack..  /since you know, I never heard back from him..

and I am the eternal optimist.  so,

I'm trying to follow the de-clutter bible rules, where you try not to handle the same paper or object 12 different times, and deal completely with it when it hits your hands.

when I came across this book; I decided, I'm going to stop everything, try contacting him one last time,  -then put the book with my autographed collection, and carry on..

and when I just checked my blog and entered his name in the search bar; nothing.  ??  I know ive written..  and have pictures...   turns out I could only find them from my post listings...  where several from 2009, 2010, 2011 pop up, as unpublished.  -not sure about why, but ive un-unpublished this one and will deal with the others at a later date..

"hi lev!   ~remember (me!)?"

***  original post 8/22/09****

i first met lev via cnn/bookspan program i was watching when he was part of a panel, with steven johnson and chris anderson, discussing "the state of the publishing industry."

all three of them talked about the difficulty, the mystery of how certain authors gain the keys to the kingdom, so to speak, while others do not

and the costs/benefits of having a traditional publisher, agent, publicist, etc. vs. the growing practice of self-publishing -which i have recently done.

and if i understood the upshot correctly -when it comes to sales, distribution, publicity, tours, you are much better off with a traditional publisher -their years of experience, established relationship network, media sources

but when it comes to editing, covers, layout, content,

when it comes to ~ artistic control ~

self-publishing offers greater freedom. oh! what an unoriginal story: artistic freedom vs. commercial profit. i'm too bored already to go on any more about it

so let's skip ahead shall we

after the show i had to go and google lev grossman and learn more -and more.



ahh. cool... book critic/time magazine.. how could someone like me ever get my book to someone like him? and i think i sent an email.

then started following him on twitter.

then! ordered his book, the magicians, from towne center books in pleasanton. my first introduction into the fantasy genre

and then! (this is when it starts to feel like magic) i'm watching my 5 year old niece for the day (my sugarplum), and i take her to downtown danville



because it's a beautiful day, and the drive will help kill some time




and we went a' walkin, me, my niece, and her two babydolls in her new double stroller, and we just happen to stop in rakestraw books

and one guess whose picture is on the wall behind the cash register announcing an upcoming signing/reading!

wonderful!

another personally inscribed book for my personally inscribed book collection.

another picture for my literary scrapbook on my website -AND-

maybe, maybe, maybe -if i can gather my courage..

if i bring my book

if i pray..

if i either show up early, or stay late..

maybe -if i can get my book in his hands- he'll review it in time magazine!

but.

my empathy for successful published author/critics is way high. i know in advance how often people bother them to ask questions about wrtiting/publishing.. give advice.. ask favors

know in advance his desk is piled with books to read

and really now. who wants to be the 1milliointh hopeful approaching the author at his signing/reading

it's awkward at best.

but awkward is almost all i know. so i did it.

showed up early, braved my way over to engage in conversation

told him about how he is my first -how the magicians is my first fantasy novel, and i'm completely engaged.. enjoying this story and this genre

and hestitantly asked him how many people during his tour had handed him books in hopes he would review them

why, do you have one?" well, YES I DO!

and i handed him eat, write & exercise.. with a letter of introduction/mission tucked inside, and a newspaper article about the tri valley haven's SOS, and my business card

and we talked more about writing/publishing, and i asked more about what criteria is required for him to review -and he couldn't quite layout specific criteria, except to mention that he looks for something new, he hasn't seen before

and i lit up for that one, because i'm just sure he's never read anything like this book before..

and he said something about needing a book to read for the flight home

and i smiled so big.. don't tease me! please don't tease me




and i said, "read the first three stories for craft, the tri valley haven story for value"

and he folded a page or two in the book, and then..

and then i watched as he placed MY BOOK, eat, write & exercise in HIS duffle bag, and he said

are you sitting down? he said,

"you're on the list."

HE SAID I'M ON THE LIST!

i've never been so excited to be on a list before. thank you lev grossman

and then his talk and reading was entirely enchanting... gracious, honest, funny

and now i have every single thing i hoped for:

my personally inscribed book reads: this book is for sandra kay. a fellow scribe. -with quite a fancy/artsy signature

the picture is write here for you to see, and will be added to my website literary scrapbook

maybe, maybe, maybe we'll be reading lev grossman's thoughts on eat, write & exercise in time magazine

thank you! thank you! thank you! ~amen.

Productive Procrastination by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I believe the term was coined by Ray Orrock..  and ever since I read it, ive employed it; both in my vocabulary, and my life:

so, for example, or i.e., as the scholars like to say,

I have 7 or more boxes in~waiting for me to unpack..   and wait just a few moments more they will, while I bring you this:   my favorite pair of shoes ive ever owned!   -purchased originally at macys where the magic of my mom and macys collaborate on many occasions to delight and astonish friends and family members

but now, what happened was:  did a little watering at alden lane, and these shoes ain't made for waterin'

then, as you know I went on a hunt for a new pair..  no luck at the store; no luck online; no luck with manufactures website..     and I'm repeating myself I know, but ..  the boxes..  so repeat myself I will

my sister tried too; no luck x3 again..   but "my mom!"    -and now just look!   so i'll be wearing the old, water damaged ones to alden lane..    and the new ones only for walks around town..

and the thing about these shoes, and the tag..   there is not a specific person to thank and acknowledge for the design, only the larger umbrella of the brand name/manufacturer..  so, whoever you are

"i love 'em!"      -they are so (me!).








IDENTIFY THE SOURCE. by (me!) sandra, tvgp


the analogy is this photograph of a book passage.  let's say i asked you to name the source.  perhaps eventually you could return to me with the correct answer:

-this passage is from Prague Winter, story of remembrance by Madeleine Albright.

***

now, bring your attention to FOTS,  Fruits of the Spirit

love, peace, patience, joy
kindness, goodness, gentleness
faithfulness and self control.

-name the source.    i don't mean, name the book, The Bible, where they are written..

i mean name the actual source of love..    everything has a source  -where it came from..

peace; name the source.   joy, name the source..

so, it means more to me...   like i am recognizing the very source, when i say God is Love; Jesus is the Prince of Peace, the Mighty Counselor..

***
Joy is my Strength
PEACE is my POWER


i know the source..   " thank you Jesus & amen!"

Public "Thank You!" to Livermore Cinemas from (me!) sandra, tvgp


/if i'm well, you can tell, she's been with me now..   she's been with me now, quite a long, long, time, and i feel fine.

***

HALLELUJAH!  yesterday marks one of the greatest days at the movie theater for (me!)

great company, yes of course; fun movie.. bad moms, yes.. funny/cute...   popcorn, butter/salt.. perfect..  but none of that is the best part

for  -ever, i have had to sit always in front of the metal bars in the handicap section of movie theaters because my knees do not want to, in fact, cant stay in a bent position for 1 1/2 hours without being in pain.  i always prop my legs up on the metal bars..

not yesterday!

yesterday to my complete and utter surprise and delight..  

electric recliner!     my legs automatically lifted up in great style and comfort

***

next on my list.. and cant wait to see, but will see it at the vine..    /couches/beer..

Florence foster Jenkins...

"cheers!"

VOOPS. by (me!) sandra, tvgp


what one thing would I like to change about the world?  my answer might surprise you.  if you consider my greatest current concern is technology out~evolving humans; and my heart for victims of human trafficking; and then we have global warming, and terrorism, wars, greed, lust, addictions..  poverty/homelessness..   diseases...   such a large range of issues plaguing the world and humanity today..    it really, potentially, could be hard to choose ONE THING i'd like to change about the world.  but it is not hard for me to choose.

I know.

if I could only change one thing about the world,

and for me, that actually means the people who populate the world, not the world/earth itself,

it would be

that each person would learn to
OWN THEIR OWN STRESS.   each person, would master this..

OWNING THEIR OWN STRESS.    oh!  just this one change would alter the very course of our universe and existence from headed into the wrong, to into the write direction!

it is not currently discussed, I don't believe, as the pandemic that it is; for the health issues, and negative consequences it yields..   for the unnecessary damage it co-creates..

and I say, co-create, because when person A's stress, gets unjustifiably unleashed on the entirely innocent, just in the way of fire, person B..

both people are internally damaged.  and in fact, like a cancer, it sometimes spreads.. and now person B..    who absorbed stress/upset/anger from person A, needs some release..  

and so now, person C...  also entirely innocent, but in the geographic line of fire of person B..

has person B's stress unleashed on them...

on and on, etc. etc.

but!  if person A, in my scenario, had mastered the art of recognizing and owning their own stress!

    -that changes everything!  for the much, MUCH, much better.

***

God has accomplished this work in and through (me!).    1.  I have learned to RECOGNIZE and OWN MY OWN STRESS..    2. I am also, now,  IMPERVIOUS to the STRESS of OTHERS..  but clearly and painfully remember when I was not..

how many times I was innocently in the line of fire..   and took it personal; or it shook me up; or it made me cry; or it created insecurities; or I accidentally passed it on...

it is knowledge I sure could have used earlier in my life, but didn't have or know.   and, I must digress very briefly here to point out:  or to ask rather:

when a human being evolves from being super sensitive to the stress of others; to entirely impervious..    my experience is that this is very spiritual; I'm curious what is taking place physically/biologically/neuro-ally..

and while I have in fact evolved in this way..   I cant quite give a step by step..   

I cant give a step by step for how ive gone from sensitive to impervious, but!  I can give an example of how I went from unleashing my stress unconsciously on innocent others, to OWNING MY OWN STRESS..

***

this will be a very pedestrian, light-weight example, but the patterns and essence are there.

when I was going through my divorce, some 10+ years ago,

and let's stop write there and acknowledge:  divorce = stress.

and I was moving out:  stop.   moving = stress.

and I had bills I was behind on paying.  stop.   unpaid bills = stress.

and appointments with a mediator = stress

and my soon to be ex-husband was once again providing me with super-short notice that he was headed out of town...      stop.   constant changing schedule = stress

and i needed to be at the house at 4am    

well, anyway

prior to all those stress factors adding up, piling up..     if one of my young children was running a little late it was no big deal..   so gently i could say, "hurry up tiger"  or  "let's hurry it up love~bug"

and very patiently wait..   and eventually we'd all get going..  smiling, light-hearted, i could say, "all write, good job.. kiss/kiss,  let's get rolling.." 

but!  add a stress factor here, a stress factor there..  here some stress, there some stress, everywhere stress, stress, stress..

and the exact same beautiful, precious children, and the exact same amount of time we were running behind..

suddenly would become, "I SAID GET DOWN HERE WRITE NOW! WE HAVE TO GO! NOW DAMN IT! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU!"

***

now, they didn't deserve that.  and I'm going to put a picture of them here, when i find one, of the two of them, about the ages they were when we divorced, 6 and 9-ish..   /around the same ages, me and my siblings were when our parents divorced:  6, 9, and 12.   INNOCENT.  

VOOPS.

Victims Of Other People's Stress.

***

so, in that scenario i am guilty of dumping my stress on them..   and one of the things i am very most proud of, about how i handled all the stress of my divorce, move.. etc.

i stopped along the way; i NOTICED/RECOGNIZED when i was dumping my stress and i went out of my way to breathe..

to look both my children in the eyes, and say, "I'm so sorry.  you didn't deserve that.  Mommy is just stressed from this and that..   -that's not about you, okay.."

Really in life, and job interviews, when they ask you about your proudest achievements, you know they are always looking for academic success stories, or profit numbers, or awards, certificates and public recognition

but, for me..   that is one of my proudest achievements.   would have better if i did not unleash my stress on them at all; but i did..

and when i did, i recognized and apologized for it.

especially children, but sometimes adult VOOPS too:   they are not impervious; that takes a lot of time and training, a certain amount of maturity and life experience, etc.   -we are not born impervious, we are born sensitive..  somewhere on the sensitivity spectrum..

and how to articulate for  VOOPS...  what it is like, what happens on the inside, when your innocent self has someone elses stress fired at you; dumped on you; unleashed on you..

it is very hurtful.  and it requires recovery.   to what degree/how often/how long;  -all variables.

but, i am proud i started to recognize and own my own stress.   -so, now,

and remember i am 50, not 21..

or 30, or even 40

but, i can know when stress is adding up for me.. i can feel it.   and i have learned how to recognize it, and make sure i don't dump it on others.  

so, if you accidentally bumped into me, in a crowded place when i was not stressed

and you said, "sorry.."

and i said, "no worries.."

i could do that exact same thing, under enormous amounts of stress today..  it would not turn into

"WTF?!?  PAY ATTENTION!  YOU JUST BUMPED ME.. "

i can still go, "no worries"

and the reason this became a priority for me over the years, and i set out to master it..  and on my vision board included becoming impervious to the ugliness of others

is because i remember how awful it is to be a VOOPS; how long it took to recover..

these are two of the most important life skills from my perspective:

1.  OWN YOUR OWN STRESS
2.  BECOME IMPERVIOUS TO THE STRESS/UPSET/ANGER of OTHERS

and it must be, that one of the ways you can become impervious instead of sensitive to..

is by recognizing how it happens so quickly in ourselves.    oh, that person must be stressed about..

and 90% of the time, when someone is dumping anger/upset/yelling/snapping; it is due to stress factors piling up in their lives

10% you are just dealing with an unevolved jerk.

In Jesus is the Prince of Peace, name...     ~amen & amen!