Theres too little, because youre too late.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp
it is difficult for me to make the distinction sometimes between which men are flirty in general, with everyone, which men are just talkative, and which men are directly flirting specifically with (me!).
so, i found it helpful when he said to me, "i am flirting with you, you know.. ". -but then the question surfaced in me.. -and with how many other women are you flirting?
-which, I have learned over time, and more error than trial, is not a question you should ever bother to actually ask out loud.
but he had brought me fresh baked pumpkin bread.. -which I originally contributed to general kindness...
and about a week or so later, -dark chocolate covered espresso beans..
but gift giving and flirting are both.. what? in the very nature of the personality sometimes; and sometimes...
well, on the next visit in the store he said, ".. so when are you going to give me something? i brought you pumpkin bread and ..."
and i said, "oh. i did not realize there were strings attached"
which brings me to yet another difficult distinction to make.. when is a gift a gift? vs. when it comes with an invisible string vs. when..
and then, after i saw the confusion in his eyes i said.." oh! you would like for me to reciprocate your generosity... "
and he said, "yeah..
Ive been out of the dating loop too long and have forgotten all the rules. in my almost 10 years post divorce; two temporary relationships of any significance. and I can tell you now,
with a certainty only 20/20 hind-hearing yields; the very sentence within longer conversations that lit the flashing neon exit sign i ignored in both temporary relationships. -yes,
a girl walks in a bar... and there are two doors near the back. one reads: exit. -the other: enter at your own risk & peril.
-the girl ends up the punchline. -because she walked into the bar..
get it? -anyway..
i have a new strategy.. its called slowing down and paying more attention. and so when the conversation continued, he graduated from flirting, to directly asking me out. and i have just enough politician in me, that i successfully dodged the question by changing the subject..
and we talked some more. -and as we talked some more, two very important topics came up. he mentioned being divorced and..
/only people who know me well will appreciate this:
and missing having someone provide a warm home cooked meal.
EXIT! EXIT! EXIT!
and also, -during a longer conversation, he asked about my parents.. and when the topic of my dad came up, with great love and candor I said.. "My dad is a great dad! but a yucky husband.. I couldn't be married to someone like him for 5 minutes.."
and went on to explain this is true because my dad has a womanizers personality. and his initial response was, ".. yeah, but is he faithful?".
EXIT! EXIT! EXIT!
because write away this indicates he falls in the category of men who believe you can look, check out, comment, and sexually objectify women at your will, and its all okay as long as you don't act on it..
which is apparently the camp my dad went to..
and some women learn to tolerate... as we can see by the fact my dad is married.. and some women will not.
like (Me!). -I have a zero tolerance policy. and if that equates to remaining single. single I will happily remain!
and, but then as the conversation continued he said, " do I have a womanizers personality?"
and I said, "I do not know you well enough..."
and we talked a little more, and he said, "I'm gonna keep on coming back and one day you're going to go out with me."
and I just smiled and said goodbye. And as the day went on, I thought.. it is probably not a good sign if you have to ask whether or not you have a womanizer's personality.
but, turns out my mom had just made some of her amazingly moist and delicious pumpkin-date bread, and so, I cut it in two and
I did originally plan to save half for my future non-date to 'reciprocate his generosity'
..but ... as I mentioned, -it was so moist and delicious...!
so, see... i spared you the expensive steak dinner
and more importantly, I spared you one of my warm home cooked meals, because I don't even make those...
if you are looking for a domestic, -carry on..
if you are looking for a... pet! yes.. a pet. -that's more (me!)
do you have a pet? -that you love and adore and walk and feed and talk to all sweet and that you snuggle.. and who does not contribute to the household income, or do chores.. or cook or clean..
but a pet who you take to the doctors if ill ....
and who you bring gifts and toys to... even though they do not contribute to the income..
a pet who sometimes makes a big mess, and you just shake your head and clean it up... and think maybe you are to blame for being away too long..
that's (me!). pick a door: EXIT. ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK & PERIL.
isn't real life so romantic...
mixed media in progress.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp
Side notes/book of revelation. viewed by (me!) sandra, tvgp
i have already mentioned how differently it all reads when you project today's colloquial/branded definition of the word 'cloud' onto the word cloud in the book of revelation..
it also reads quite differently when you project today's highly ubiquitous security and phone cameras everywhere
onto the 'eyes' everywhere...
and i do not recommend that you factor in what is taking place in the middle east, unless you want to also be prepared for
creating or updating your wills, and.. perhaps a belated and long overdue just in case prayer to the God you suddenly might think maybe is real...
-keep your sense of humor ..
it will come in handy on judgement day. -when God gets the last laugh.. ha!ha! and amen!
The sickened wealthy atheist guy. as assessed by (me!) sandra, tvgp
yes i have met him. i have met more than one. i cannot share what i know; only what i believe:
i believe in God. and i believe that God would open the narrow door to an honest atheist way before he'd even hear the knock of a pedophile dressed as a priest.
my greatest concern for the atheist, is that they do not regard their life as a gift, and therefore -gratitude for their existence lands where? without a God, they are unable to view themselves as a masterpiece made with and for love. -without a God, -they credit the existence and nature of love itself.. as what? a spontaneous and random result of.... i would need one to explain their view..
and no fault of their own, -it is cultural; not spiritual, -but what happens, when there is no connection to God, no connection to the spiritual, only the cultural and carnal.. and where the individual is attaching their personal/individual value as a human being exclusively to what they do and how much they make..
well, -watch what happens in the event those those two false value indicators are removed..
and, sadly, because those false indicators are regarded so highly, any human being the wealthy atheist comes in contact with, who does not possess wealth or status, are then regarded how..
also, it deeply effects intimate relationships: because they exclusively see their own value as a human being attached to great wealth.. they are unable, -literally unable to believe or process the idea that someone can or will love them.. ;just because. all thoughts seem to be, -i am desired because i have money.. or, more accurately, i am not desired at all; only my money...
and here is another sad truth
other people do only value money, and their value system makes wealth a magnet..
and so, the wealthy atheist can have their false, but deeply held convictions confirmed pretty regularly..
everything becomes.. this is only happening because i have money.. and there seems to be an underlying resentment and suspicion attached to every relationship.
i think every wealthy atheist hits a wall at some point: where they are able to have any material object, and any variety of opportunities.. but just as there is an underlying resentment; there is an underlying emptiness..
all of this vs.:
the wealthy true Christian. and sad, that I must qualify Christian with the word truth so frequently, but there are an awful lot of non Christians in christian clothing..
I do not need to write it all out, just reverse wat you read above: the true Christian is grateful to God for their life, their existence, the ability to experience love... -aims to walk in love. values others human beings without needing to know their education, address or net worth.. is able to experience authentic intimate relationships.. etc.
-be in this world; but not of it. it is as if the bible ... the messages and passages and narrative, all speak to the idea, or fact.. that we are visitors. the spiritual visiting the cultural/carnal..
there is such an easily identifiable distinction between the two for me... this world/this culture values this (name them.. money, appearance, brand names, popularity)
and true Christians value this: Jesus as Lord and Savior, son of God; the loving guidance of the holy spirit; fruits of the spirit; a walk in love; prayer, service..
and so, i want to close with this: i have come to know God and Jesus as being the most loving, the most healing..
and when i also learned recently of a young adult rejected by his parents for becoming Christian...
-because for me, that is the exact same thing as a parent looking into their child's eyes and saying, "I do not want you to experience love or healing"
I have no place inside me that can understand rejecting a person who seeks love and healing; that mystifies me...
In Jesus patient name, amen.
LIVE! write now! (John brazell!) @ ricks picks..
"Salute!" -new kids on the hops, by altamont beer works..
"Holiday cheers!" from (ricks picks!) & (altamont beer works!)
The heart seen! by (me!) N' (keeshie!) at stoneridge mall
now.. true story, that the shopping adventure i most recently blogged about, where my sister and I laughed so hard we cried.. /and she peed..
well, when we first got there.. the parking lot was packed! lots of people have started their Christmas shopping and lots of stores have started their big sales..
but one of my daughters magical gifts is close parking spots.. I was testing whether the magic would still apply, if she wasn't actually with us.. I said, "let's summon taryns name...and see what happens..". -and before I even finished, a car pulled out and we got a super close spot...
But! got even better because when we got out... heart seen! Write there on the parking line of the spot we pulled in...
" thank you mom, thank you taryn, thank you Jesus!" Xoxo
dear (susanelse.com!) from (me!) sandra, tvgp
it turns out the Harrington gallery is walking distance from where i work.
but let's say it wasn't.. let's say i lived in San Francisco..
keeping in mind here, I do not like to drive.. especially at night.. or in the rain..
but let's say I did for some variety of crazy reasons, that I did drive for miles and miles, at night, in the rain
to arrive at the Harrington gallery. -no matter the time, the challenge,
/save that the challenge involves running out of gas and being stranded or.. a carjacking..
once I laid my eyes upon your skeleton sculptures I would say to myself what my heart knew immediately:
-seeing you made this worth it....
and now, I love the fine art quilt exhibit in general.. everything! Fabric lovers, and paper lovers are one in the same... we light up for the same reasons, just at different materials.. color, design, texture...
you can easily imagine any designer scrapbook page as a quilt; and vice versa..
anyway.. I'm filled up and overflowing... how magnificent!
The heart seen! by (me!) sandra, tvgp
-just outside the firehouse art center
dont see that very often... realizes (me!) sandra, tvgp
Brain spill, aisle 7... By (me!) Sandra, tvgp
-clean up crew please.. what happen was.. too much.. and it was on the edge of the shelf, and then.. when i reached for just one thing..
avalanche. -natural disaster of the mind.
its when.. its when there's more things to write about than time to write them.. and not enough time to more write; than to process..
so unless i point a few bullets.. messy is everywhere.
know what i mean?
# i once read.. and I don't know when or where, I only remember what: -that when scientists studied on the molecular level, human tears, it turned out there is a distinct, measurable, quantifiably provable difference in the chemical make-up of sad tears vs. happy tears.. vs. hayfever tears.. and I've always wondered
but never researched, -whether that is true. and!
-i forgot whatelse.. which is why we have to clean up this spill..
now: I wish, -but it is already too late.. that I would have thought to capture all my tears in test tubes this past.. one or two or 5 weeks, because..
I would love to donate my tears to science. -they all fell for different reasons.. and now nor can I remember exact anything but..
* i cried in awe, when i watched the genius tap dancer on Stephen Colbert. -trust me, I have never before cried at any tap dance... I've been entertained; I've been delighted; I've been inspired.. etc, etc. -but when I watched her... I was moved; -to tears. Not sad tears.. -I wonder the chemical make up of those..
when my sister and I went shopping together.. "Thank you mom!". and we shared a dressing room.. and when I was trying on a big, fluffy winter sweater.. the two strap loops that help keep it on a hanger.. well BOTH of them got caught on BOTH sides of the sunglasses I had proped up on my head.. the result is that the sweater got stuck only half way on.. and both of my arms were stuck suspended in the air like a bird in flight.. and my stomach was all bare hanging out... and my sister just went into one... I mean she laughed so hard she was doubled over and peed her pants.. and her laughing so hard, made me laugh really hard.. but then when I finally got unstuck and untangled, there is still a new strap in some sweaters across the back... or the front? no one even knows what the hell you are supposed to do with that one.. but it got caught across my face and couldn't get past my nose..
well, my sister was already in the middle of a laughing fit.. and so when she saw this... -she literally fell to the dressing room floor...
it was just one fiasco after another for me in the dressing room.. and I can't remember the last time I laughed that hard..
I would have loved to have captured a few of those laugh-so-hard-i-cried tears in a test tube.. -just to see if its true, you know.. a different chemical make up..
because then.. i was talking to my coworker artist friend, julie, at work.. they way only coworker, slash, moms, slash friends do.. and the conversation led me to talk about my pregnancy when i was 15.. and even though its been 35! years.. i couldn't really talk about it without crying... but that singular life experience itself resulted in its own variety of lots of tears at different times for different reasons.. there were fear/overwhelm tears; there were sad tears; there were tears of love and joy; tears from physical pain; tears in prayers.. goodbye tears when i became suicidal... and tears of i don't even know what, when I miscarried... but when I was talking to julie.. the tears were in gratitude and overwhelm.. because it swooped up like a memory tidal wave.. all that has happened, that would not have happened, -had I taken my own, and my unborn baby's life... all i could muster to say was.. God sure has been faithful... and that realization makes me cry too..
oh! if we could catch just one of each tear type in a test tube...
and then i already do have a long list of people and circumstances I pray for and about every morning, throughout the day, and at night.. and add on.. the terror attacks in Paris, which unfold many more issues, and.. a 17 year old was just struck by a car and killed not too far from where i work.. and see, -there is more still, but..
but.. I've done a lot of crying ... and I'd like to end, with just how awe struck I am by human tears... -that we cry.
that computers, and robots, and rocks, and machines, and cell phones, and iphones, and.. i wonder how many living species on earth shed tears? and under what spectrum of circumstances?
when we are told, 'you are a masterpiece'. -I get it.. we laugh, we cry, we bleed, we think, we evolve, we love, we make mistakes, we grow.. and the key ingredient for the making of any masterpiece: love.
In Jesus faithful name, -amen.