Monday, September 01, 2014

"Golf scene" photo by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

HOT DATE for (me!) Sandra, tvgp

As is my routine, i was already in my happy giraffe pajamas.. Book in hand.. Snuggled in and just a few minutes shy of taking my helps-me-sleep-through-the-night medicine.  Truth is, had he asked me to the movies, or join him walking his dogs..  I would have yawned, "im gonna call it an early night tonight.."

But he said something about hitting a bucket of balls.  And despite the fact i dont golf, have next to no athletic ability, etc, etc, ..

It was like suddenly i had 6am energy and get-go at 8:30 at night.

"I wanna go!".  -and i literally flew out of bed, changed back into my street clothes, washed my face, and waited all excited and anxious for his truck to pull up out front.

It is very romantic i must say..  At night; the golf range place.. 

Only thing missing is some music piped through.. But otherwise, dark clear sky.. Pretty lights revealing the greens..

Gorgeous stretches of open space and grounds filled everywhere with visible little white balls of trials, efforts, mishaps and..

In the distance -somewhere; beyond where the eye can see:

" victory! Success!".     -seems so exciting to someone like me

To hit that ball so hard and so far it goes to places you cant even see anymore.

K

Well, it was pretty easy to find mine.  -still on the mat a couple times; then about one pathetic short city block straight ahead..

"You hit it very straight though.. Thats good"

-may i stop here to say thats exactly when i decided for sure id be removing my clothes for him at some point..

I just like that in a man..  When he focuses in on my strengths.

And he was a great coach!  Very patient..  Specific:

"Know why that happened?... Because you turned your head to see where the ball was going to go.. You need to keep your eyes on the ball"

And do you know when i kept my eye on the ball and didnt turn my head..   "It worked!".   -contact; air; distance...

Plus,  ..imma straight shooter it turns out.

-which should surprise no one really; write.

And i just loved, loved, loved watching him do his thing..  Same way i like watching my son on 1st base..

The posture, concentration, gestures, expressions, sounds; instincts..

..so beautiful... Watching that little white ball fly through the night sky to who knows where..

I know most of what i happen across on tv shows people golfing in broad daylight..

But i think this should really be a nighttime sport.  Sex and golf; game high, lights low. Add music..

Im just an athlete of a different kind..

Anyway..  im putting it on my list of favorite dates..

Weve been twice now..  And he said i show enough promise that our next date might just be on an actual real life golf course..

So, help me out here..  Where are the bay areas best night time golf courses? 

Im going to make a private reservation.. Then have a sleeping bag waiting on the 18th...

I had no idea golf was so romantic...   

Sunday, August 31, 2014

He Has A Name. By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Im gonna have to skip, jump, twirl and just cut to the chase here. Anyone who saw "Kissin' The Chocolate Blues" is already caught up, -here we go:

Rick Cahall.. Who i still do not have a term of endearment for..  He is, as ive already mentioned, -retired San Leandro Police Officer..

And.. This naturally leads to: 1. Conversations which include (but "thank you Jesus!" Are not limited to) the topic of the Lakeside Rapist

He is also in contact with.. Detectives/officers that served on that case..    Skip/jump/twirl:  he mentions 'they have a name'

Stir spoon in opposite direction

And, 'he was locked up -is serving a life sentence'

(I will return later to discuss those two words: life. Sentence.)

But i am about to BULLET POINT..  Oh! My God everything has thirty three possible meanings..!  Anyway

*  'wow..  He has a name.  Of course he has a name; an actual name.  His birth certificate.. It doesnt read first name: Lakeside. Middle Name: serial. Last name: rapist.   ... Utterly fascinating..  I wonder, wonder, wonder,

What IS his name?  ..very, highly, curious.  -with a gigantic caveat!

There is a galaxy size gap that exists between:

"This is the man we THINK it is..

Vs.

" this is the man we believe it is...

Vs.

"This is the man who evidence points to..

Vs.

" this IS the man."

I only, exclusively am interested in the actual man it was; is;  -if there is even .002% percent chance of error

And based on my life experience to date, i know there is unfortunately a very high potential for error

But unless 100% certainty; i have no interest.  I just like being splashed in the face with that idea; that fact:

   -he has a NAME.  And for reasons i certainly am unqualified to explain: i like tossing around possibilities for what his name might be..    And for reasons way beyond my comprehension; and with apologies to any good human being with this name..  -the very first name that came to mind was..

Alfred.

Like, doesnt that just switch a flip in your brain and imagination if you go suddenly from

"The LAKESIDE SERIAL RAPIST.."   ..and see composite drawing posters, and hear scary music..   To:

Alfred.    And see instead a snapshot elementary school photo.. And hear a kid playing at recess on the school ground or something.

Wonder what the heck happen to Alfred that he was once a probably terribly darling elementary school kid..  And then fast forward..  Is robbing, raping, murdering..   And fast forward..

Either died or is serving a life sentence.  I dont think in anyones imagination he is still living a life of serial raping crime.. And i dont think in anyones imagination he was never caught; repented; turned his life around..  And is now living a happy, healthy life, raising happy, healthy children..

But who knows, -write.  Everything is just that: imagination; projection; guessing; assuming; statistically speaking; predicting..

I wish that i could KNOW what i will always just have to occasionally wonder.

/i am aware here of all my own psychology..  A student still of my own reactions/behaviors/thoughts/coping mechanisms..  Processes..i am sometimes Un-Unconscious..  That is; conscious of things i used to be unconscious of...  Anyway..

Ive mentioned before how one of my Longings, deep in me still! Is the desire to meet the other victim survivors.. My sister survivors!  #1

-we were all given numbers; #1 comitted suicide.  -and by the way:

SHE HAS A NAME TOO.  -ive never been privileged to learn it.  -and i was told "the last one".  That is, the last woman that was raped with a rapist who followed the same M.O. within a geographical location that would have made authorties beleive it was their Lakeside Rapist..

She was also murdered.  -then the pattern broke.   " the last one"

SHE HAS A NAME TOO!   -though ive never been privileged to know it. I wonder what HER name is..  I bet it was something very, very, beautiful; soft and feminine and lovely to pronounce..

I was #2.   And somehow i feel very, very compelled to introduce myself write now

My name is Sandra Lynn Harrison Kay.

Now..  I was talking to both Rick and my sister about my deep, deep desire to get to meet #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9... Etc.

And Rick didnt think protocal allowed..  Or maybe its been so long they dont even still have the names..

But what a wake up my sister gave me..  Because, the way i process and think of it in my heart and mind and spirit..

I am deeply, profoundly, completely, utterly and permanently connected to these sister survivors even though weve never met.

"We were in the war together! We survived the front lines!"

But what my sister offered was very valuable insight.. She suggested that i was pretty far along; healed.. And in a good place.

But..  That might not be the case for the others..  That maybe they tucked it away..  And who would want to revisit and have all that ugliness and trauma all put back in their face..

And what if their lives are already a struggle write now.. And that would just make it worse.. And harder..   And what if theyve kept it a secret.. Etc.,

And i have to tell you my truth:

That i never once even thought of all that.  Ive always thought we could provide each other with a comfort

That only we could provide each other with; because only we know..

And it just seems to me..  That while all rape survivors share a bond of some strange sort..

Rape survivors of specific rapists share a specific bond..

I think the analogy is war once again; always as a matter of fact:

All veterans share a bond; the bond is stronger if you are in the same branch, I.e., navy, marines, army, airforce..

The bond is stronger still if you serve in the same war..

The bond is stronger if you survived the same ambush..

And war is war is war is war...

But my point is: those of us who survived the terror inflicted by..

Alfred.   We are one. 

In Jesus name.. I send you love.. Blessings... Healing..  And i know you each have a beautiful, lovely, feminine, very pretty

Name.  

Amen.

Caught in his riptide (me!) Sandra, tvgp

"I would be happy to be accountable IF IN FACT it was MY fault.  But it is not my fault im late today..   Its vance joy's fault.  -got caught in his riptide on 680..

Next thing i know im three exits past the one i was supposed to take.."

Friday, August 29, 2014

LAUGHTER IS... By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Laughter is to spiritual strength; as exercise is to physical.

     -just try doing push-ups and laughing at the same time.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

You must read (me!) For content; not appearance. -sandra, tvgp

Auntie sandy: "what do they have you doing in english?"

Nephew:  "grammar"

Auntie sandy:  "oh. Sorry..  Well tell him..  Or her..  They can use my blog as an example of what not to do.."

Nephew laughs a little..

Auntie sandy:  "you must read me for content and not appearance!"

Nephew:  "oh good!  I will say that..  My aunt

Poet laureate...

And i quote..  Says..  Read me for content, not appearance.

So it doesnt matter if i spell things wrong or put them in the wrong order..."

Auntie sandy:  "that's write!"

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

If it was possible... By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

..I would hug and kiss my blog.  On three different occasions recently ive invested time and energy into things which someone else must -approve, before they can be seen or shared

To have this sacred space..  Where i do not need to first seek approval.. Where im not obligated..  Where im not required to jump through any hoops, where im not creating to make a good grade, or forced to reach a given demographic or population..where there is no deadline, no editor, no advertisements..

My God!  It is the very definition of heaven on earth.

..to do a thing; just because you want to..

With no requirement or need to seek permission or approval

I will never tire.

"Long live the blogosphere!"

Sunday, August 24, 2014

A "how they met" winner! To (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Even though im no longer writing my 'how they met' feature for the pleasanton patch..  It certainly doesnt mean i dont still ask the question when i meet new people and/or couples..    -never fails to fascinate me on one level or another. But the answer i cant resist sharing..

Came from a customer named alaina.  When she mentioned her boyfriend..  I go, "so, how did you two meet?"

She goes, "at peets."

I go, "oh yeah..  Peets coffee?"

And she says, "yeah..   He had a hangover and i had two advil."

-smile everytime i think of it.   Talk about a match made..




Saturday, August 23, 2014

SAY THAT AGAIN.. For (me!) Sandra, tvgp

-they razed the building to the ground...

-I messed up on the data and so need to rescind the document.

Razed/rescind..    Is there already a name/category for words that sound a lot like another word that has the opposite meaning?

Bragging Writes! For (me!) Sandra, tvgp

And "congratulations!" To my cousin JASON VAUGHN...  Awesome!  Xoxo

FOCUS... By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

..on

Everything that's going Write.