SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com: November 2021

Our 2021 Family Christmas Card Design

Gingerbread Bliss december 2021 yard art by (sexy! & tops!) #bliss @writeousmom

seems like God blessed us with two beautiful, warm, sun-shiny days in a row

specifically so we could play and create our december gingerbread yard art.

what fun!

and our awesome, helper, apprentice was allowed to spray paint this time

great memories!

***

December Yard Art Poem:

Cookie Census

How could a gingerbread man run fast at all?

He's all thick molasses and by the dozen so small.

How could a gingerbread man outrun a fox?

-he doesn't wear any shoes! has icing for socks.

"You can't catch me.." foretells a posthumous song

"I'm one third. I'm two thirds *$%#! I'm all gone"

Nearly extinct, endangered; just crumbs

No elbows, no neck, no fingers, no thumbs

We've rescued, we've saved, one boy and one girl

Last two gingerbreads in gingerbread world

We've built them a house, enticed them to stay

But the strangest thing is... should they both run away

Just when you think they've all disappeared

Come Christmas, there's more! Year after year

sandra harrison kay

writeousmom.com

***

oct, nov, dec 2021 'flip this house' conversions

yard art photo journal

Pillow Talk with (sexy! & tops!)

true; there are the occasions we get to wake up, have our coffee, watch our spiritual tv shows and talk about God, sports, the activities of the day; everything we are looking forward to..

and it is also true,

that we have to wake up and on the occasions it is germane due to an email, phone call, or legal correspondence of one kind or another

we have to talk about death; murder; jail; court trials; evil in general..

keep in mind, these conversations are taking place between robert (my sexy) who served for 27+ years as a deputy; so he brings certain experience/insights that no layperson can bring/understand...

and myself.. kidnapped/raped by three different predators; plus bullies; inside a bank when it was arm-robbed.. so, i bring certain life experiences/insights from a victim's point of view; from a survivor of the most severe PTSD..

and keep in mind, we are both Christians.. we are on the same page spiritually speaking, and worth repeating here; and worth repeating often..

to the extent we let cynthia's murder pre-occupy our thoughts with anger, vengeance, upset.. if we were to let the anger ruin our peace, love, harmony as a couple..

if we were to try and numb with alcohol, drugs, or excess of any kind..

any of these things, these negative/self-destructive responses would be equivalent to the enemy claiming even more territory

we will do no such thing.

we are fighting the good fight of faith. and our love, peace, harmony.. the grace we are receiving from God; keeping God first every. single. day.

staying in prayer..

talking openly, candidly.. when relevant; necessary.. but not every day all the time.. drowning in it

-going on about our lives.. blessed to be a blessing; favored; anointed;

-comforted [Matthew 5:4] [Isaiah 41:10]

***

and so, once again, we are doing all that the crisis demands:

ryan -after 2 years; has pleaded not guilty. there is a court date (which may stand, or may be rescheduled) in january 2022.

there are 5 siblings alive each responding in their own way

-but is any sibling, ready? to sit in a court.. and see very traumatizing pictures of their sister, who was beat to death by her son (their nephew).

and yet this would be a requirement; if you were to chose to go to court..

if you go; you -your heart; your soul; your spirit..

-the strength required! only God.. only God's grace, love, mercy

i can see how easily this trauma has the potential to steal peace in anyone's heart and home.. to unsettle; fester.. to fill a heart and home with anger.. pitting each other against..

mainly, i agree with robert.. let's not go. -why self- inflict even more trauma, by volunteering to go. it is not legally mandated

it is in the legal system's hand now; so to speak..

so unless a specific personal testimony is required; a subpoena

our healing can continue if we do not go; or we risk healing setbacks; healing stagnation as a result of re-visiting this evil, horrific, brutal murder

every re-visit requires a new strength; more energy to overcome; keep peace; move forward

-talk about spiritual warfare!

[Ephesians 6:11]

one sibling's response "he's not getting off that easy.. he's going to have to look me in the eye!"

and i want to speak to what i've learned over the years about that..

-when you have a basically healthy human being, and they do something horribly wrong, and you 'look them in the eye' -that person is, in most cases, -convicted and/or condemned

-from that look; eye to eye.. and in a healthy human being, that look does actually have an impact.

and it has an impact on/for both the look-er; and the look-ee.

***

in this case, it is my opinion, based on a lot of life experience; that the impact, in this case will only be for the look-er..

that is; when the sibling looks directly in ryan's eyes, in a way, the spirit reaching out through eye-contact alone to condemn/convict..

the look-ee.. ryan. he will not be impacted. he will not be convicted or condemned. while, the sibling may receive some spiritual/intangible unquantifiable internal gratification from making eye contact; which does have its own value..

the expectation for ryan to experience condemnation/conviction/remorse/guilt through this eye contact; this expectation will not be realized. i want to prepare said siblings heart and mind..

now,

once upon a time, like many others.. i did believe that way..

and also believed, that sometimes condemnation/guilt/remorse could be so potentially traumatizing; life-threatening, for the convicted murderer, who beat someone to death.. that there is/was this kind of psychological mechanism, which prevents an evil person from feeling those things, exactly because they would become suicidal from fully realizing the severity and consequences of their violent/evil behavior.

over time, via many different experiences; interviews, readings, conversations

with this accumulated experience/knowledge over time, i have a new understanding and belief.

and i now believe, that there are certain individuals [richard allen davis among them]

so violent; so dangerous; so evil, impulsive..

so brutal

-it is not some 'internal self-protecting' mechanism which prevents them from experiencing conviction/condemnation/guilt/remorse

but rather; they are as incapable of experiencing those things as a saltwater crocodile.

***

so, to this sibling, i say.. if it is going to do -you- some good to make eye-contact; do it.

but, it will be equivalent to making eye-contact with the saltwater crocodile; at least prepare your heart and mind for this potential outcome; or we are further breaking an already broken heart.

***

i asked robert if he thought ryan deserved the death penalty. he does not. he is satisfied with ryan staying behind bars for life; his highest priority is keeping others safe.. and he does not care if ryan is kept in a prison suite, and lives like a king, or if he is kept in isolation.. robert's entire objective is keeping ryan off the streets; and preventing him from commiting another violent crime. he also shared that his deceased sister, cynthia.. "she would not want her son put to death" and he wants to honor his sister.

i want to honor robert.

that said, i also shared my vote. and my vote is that he does get the death penalty. his track record for violence; his highly dangerous, volatile personality..

i saw cynthia in the hospital.. i saw the blood in her apartment...

i know this murder could have been prevented had he not been released from prior arrests/convictions

i came across 3 different completion certificates from ryan 'graduating' from anger management classes..

at some point with the mind; the brain..

whether it is mental illness; drugs; alcohol.. a combination..

the brain/mind is so highjacked.. there is no 'rehabilitation' possible..

i am remembering here: cynthia's face in the hospital.. how distorted from being beat to death.. how the nurse said, 'these injuries are not survivable'

in that same way..

-his mind is not 'rehabilitatable' -a line has been crossed. the life and death line was crossed for cynthia..

and the rehabilitate and incapacitate line has been crossed in ryan.

***

now, i don't believe in the death penalty the way we have it now in California.. where you receive the sentence, and then, more money is spent on you than the average prisoner for decades on end, and you never actually receive the death penalty.. write now it's just a joke..

i can find one or twelve more better ways our tax dollars and security resources could be spent..

but i mean death penalty, in that, once you are sentenced to death; you are, within a couple years; actually put to death. removed from the planet. that is the only true safety for innocent people.

and, do you want to revisit..?

how awful, and, what did gavin say, "... But most of all, the death penalty is absolute, irreversible and irreparable in the event of a human error."

because

can we even calculate the amount of murders that are a direct result of violent criminals being released from prison..

each of those victims received the 'death penalty' -without ever commiting a crime. and each time we release a prisoner who goes on to kill and destroy..

that is 'human error' -irreversible and irreparable.

currently we seem enormously concerned about the welfare of convicted criminals; and almost oblivious to the welfare of our law-abiding, tax-paying, contributing civilian citizenship..

***

this is horrible, tragic, heart-breaking from every angle; no matter where you stand..

and so,

we've discussed; shared.. and keep God first. We pray.. every day. And we know, God is with us; God is already there..

and, we have our human thoughts, feelings, experiences

we know God's ways are higher than our ways; his thoughts higher than our thoughts

and it is God's will we seek; not our own.

...

what was God's will for king herrod? goliath? satan?

***

we will put on God's whole armor [the armor of a heavy-armed soldier which God supplies], that we may be able successfully to stand up against [all] the strategies and the deceits of the devil.

Ephesians 6:11 amen & amen.

***

and now, -time for december yard art; we converted our october haunted mansion into a november/fall grateful house; and are now converting the fall-colored grateful house, into a gingerbread house.

-makes us smile inside and out.. playing in the yard; the sunshine.. great music, drinks, visiting with neighbors and passersby..

we are in receipt of that 'peace that surpasses human understanding'

"Thank You! Jesus!" Philippians 4:6.

****

the following morning, i printed the above post out, we read, and discussed some more

he requested i make some addendums for clarity

-he will not be upset if ryan does get the death penalty; but he doesn't need it; his main goal is keeping ryan off the streets and keeping others safe

-also, the fact that ryan killed his sister factors in heavily. -if ryan had murdered someone's daughter/mom/sister that he didn't know; a stranger, so to speak -he would immediately want and seek the death penalty; but still not 'need' it. life in prison and/or death penalty. it weighs/factors in that he believes his sister would not want ryan put to death.

he recognizes there is a difference when the murderer and murdered are nephew and sister vs. strangers you hear or read about in the news.

and i just let that serve as an area of greater understanding/awareness

-because every murderer and every victim, even when and if they are a stranger to us personally; they are still 'someone's' relative.

this is why the idea/concept/hope of an impartial jury is of importance. -but that could be discussed further also. the idea that 'impartiality' means you see things more clearly; are in a better position to judge? -that emotional connection is to be entirely avoided? impartial vs. apathetic? -things to think more about at a later date...

***

psalm 37:1. In Jesus praiseworthy and trustworthy name. amen.

The vaccine debate has little to do with ignorance says (me!) ~tops

-for the record, we are vaccinated. but, when i come across people opting not to get vaccinated.. and they get bombarded with 'science' and 'statistics'

i think to myself.. but this is not about facts and figures; it is not about their ignorance

it is entirely about trust; distrust

ignorance can be overcome within one conversation, if you have a willing student; and competent teacher

but earning a person's trust....

and let me amend that further, because corrupt manipulators can earn a person's trust; by strategy; with ill intention

but to, legitimately, with pure motives, earn a person's trust..

and so,

based on this knowledge and understanding -it is unrealistic to expect overnight results where years worth of questionable events/motivations have and do currently exist

i am not at all shocked or disturbed even, when i see people adversely respond to science/facts/figures regarding vaccinations

some people respond to this issue of distrust, as if they are dealing with ignorance, and so,

throw even more science, facts and figures.. louder... and LOUDER

but it is not about lack of knowledge or understanding; it is about lack of trust.

trust can only be earned over long periods of time.. it takes consistency; honesty; accountability.. testing.. retesting... credibility, integrity, truth -proven time and time again...

and, i am hopeful, you can see my writing is not about being for or against...

my exclusive aim is to point out it is a waste of time and energy to employ efforts toward correcting ignorance; when the issue is distrust.

****

i remind here -my great fascination with all things human, which cannot be x-rayed, which cannot rely on spit, urine, blood samples.. things which cannot be surgically implanted or removed..

my fascination with spirit vs. flesh

***

my fascination with our thought lives..

***

my fascination with our 'feelings' lives..

***

my fascination with our 'inner' life in general..

***

i have conquered (permanently; it seems to me) many obstacles (the enemy) placed in my life path; thank you here to Jesus, and Bible teachers..

and i have conquered (temporarily) others;

only to have them resurface; re-present themselves.. and back to the Word, to the Bible, to the lessons I return

in a generic way.. i can say, i do not battle any thoughts regarding any level of ill will toward others; i do not battle tempers out of control; anger; addictions..

my recurring battles have almost exclusively to do with insecurities... and when my life is considered on the whole; this should come as no surprise

but insecurities; like trust.. these cannot be xrayed.. surgically implanted or removed.. -there is no pill for..

and in turning to God via prayers..

not medicine; not 'the world'; not self-help books scribed by secular authors..

God; prayer.. this is where i experience, so slowly, incrementally, but unquestionably

-glory to glory

***

Though I walk (live) in the flesh, I am not carrying on my warfare according to the flesh and using mere human weapons. For the weapons of my warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh and blood], but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds.

2- Corinthians 10 3:4

***

my interpretations of internal experiences via prayer as of late, lead me to believe, that God is doing

-continuing to do

a great and complete work in me. -that even some 'issues' i learned to live with; accept.. of not great consequence in the bigger picture..

that even small things; light afflictions; low-key strongholds

God is even -one by one- removing those.

i am so amazed and grateful it brings me to tears.

***

2 Corinthians 3:18

***

Philippians 1:6

***

hallelujah & amen.

Psalm 9:1

i will praise you, o Lord, with my whole heart

i will tell of all your wonders!

hallelujah & amen

"Happy Anniversary!" (sexy! & tops!)

..due season continues...

let us not become weary in doing good,

for in due season we will reap,

if we do not give up.

galatians 6:9

CH = aloha; lost in san francisco (me!) sandra, tvgp

Wanderlost

Conviction vs. Condemnation by (joyce meyer!)

she is my favorite teacher on the topic of conviction vs. condemnation. i have learned myself, over time; from my own experiences, readings, observations and conversations

when the internal experience is 'condemnation' -the issue (variable) seems to worsen; and become a stronghold. the individual tends to stay stuck; remain a slave to whatever the issue is. condemnation/shame make bad things worse.

when the internal experience is 'conviction' -the issue (variable) tends to slowly lose its power over the individual, and the person is immediately on the path toward being set entirely free. my definition, is 'i know [this] is not okay; does not serve optimal health, happiness, wellbeing, does not serve as a good example to others.. it is something i want to eliminate/change..

i think an example might be:

condemnation says "I am an awful person" and conviction says, "this [habit/behavior/thought/addiction] I currently have is making me a slave, and i'd like to be free"

how each individual experiences and interprets their internal response/feeling as being 'convicted' or 'condemned' is a mystery to me

but so far, everyone has been able to clearly identify which one they are experiencing for any given issue: addictions for example.. insecurities... tempers... societal/cultural/religious taboos/stigmas..

i recently shared the example from my personal life; being a former smoker

when i felt 'condemned' -i smoked even more.. felt even worse.. became more a slave to.. i stayed stuck.

when i prayed, and said to myself, 'life is hard.. i need a crutch.. eventually though, i will not need a crutch..' when i thought, 'if i'm going to smoke.. i'm going to enjoy it; not beat myself up with guilt while simultaneously lighting a fresh cigarette with the last puff of a current one.

when i was kinder to myself..

and i have not smoked, or even desired.. or had to fight any urges whatsoever..

i was set entirely free from this former addiction. Glory be to God! Hallelujah & Amen!

and on the topic of 'vulnerability' i respect the teachings of Dr Brene Brown.

on the topic of debt.. sometimes if you don't laugh, you will lose your mind.. so, the closing part of Sarah Tollemache's stand up routine, uploaded to youtube may 5 2017, served as great comic relief

all of life is learning

and as Dr Maya Angelou is very famous for saying, "when you learn; teach."

amen.

The Heart Seen -cherished contributions from our recent walks..

When I Die (me!) sandra, tvgp, writeousmom, ~tops, the cute chick from hayward...

not 'if' -write, but when. the unknown way and time...

when i die. i do not want to be buried in a cemetery. i do want to be cremated; after any donatable body parts are donated. and a portion of my 'cremaines' to go up in a firework display. a colorful celebration of life

i do not want a physical place people need to drive to, to pay respects or visit. it is sufficient for me personally, that if you love me, you have a picture of me somewhere in your home, office or wallet. and if you want to pray, visit, pay respects; just look at the picture. any balance of ashes scattered in the ocean.

my spirit will be loving, guiding, whispering from heaven, to earthly loved ones with gratitude, encouragement and joy.

in Jesus name, amen & amen.

/this post inspired by recent conversations with friends; each sharing their personal wishes.. family traditions/religious practices, etc.

one thing everyone agreed on.. how helpful it is if family members do know.. and do not have to guess.. what your wishes are regarding your own death. and how much stress can be eliminated, reduced if there is a will; if the paperwork of life is in order.

Return to the scene of "great times!" (monterey!) #monterey #handfeedsquirrels #loverspoint #pacificgrove #bikeride

very definition of a blessed day! starts with awesome friends.. includes a perfect climate.. bike rides from cannery row to pacific grove.. the great joy of hand feeding the squirrels.. some wine tasting.. sidewalk shopping.. and that phenomenal clam chowder in the baked sourdough bread bowl at the old fisherman's grotto on the wharf; stimulating conversations throughout.. safe drive to and from. "Thank You! Jesus" hallelujah & amen

p.s. chris and maritza.. you're next! we know you will love it when the window of opportunity opens.. and we want to show our gratitude & appreciation for how you spoiled us with such wonderful spirits, appetizers, meal.. a great visit! -all chloe's fun charm. yes. 'blessed is our friendship' amen.

Public "Thank You!" to (taryn!) for her perfect-for-the-occasion creativity

now.. this has turned out to yield lots of fun: "el chupacabra (variable here)"

it is my sexy's jalapeno/cucumber margarita recipe -and it is a big hit. as a result, we have requested creative character spins from my daughter taryn to match whatever season/celebration we are "cheers"ing

and these are just a few of the pix. we have labeled it, el chupacabra easter punch; el chupacabra superbowl punch; el chupacabra hawiian punch; el chupacabra get well punch; el chupacabra~stein punch... you get the idea. and, with my daughter, i only have to barely mention.. i do not need to provide any details, make any editorial anything. i get to know in advance, if i say, "would you have time to 'halloween out' the el chupacabra character. that's it.. and sometimes in under 3 minutes, she sends me the most charming! perfect-for-the-occasion character for our labels. "Thank You!" so much love, -we love your style! appreciate your time! xoxo love you, "cheers!" and amen.

WHO HID THE HALLOWEEN CAPTAIN CRUNCH? (sexy! & tops!)

it is our great joy to purchase all the different types of halloween theme/decorated cereals they put out in october for halloween. and it is our tradition to use those cereal boxes as halloween home decor props.. and then at the end of the party, the nieces/nephews, grandsons, take them home along with their treat bags

but what you might notice here (trick!) is that grandpa & grandma may have, say..

hid just one cereal box for themselves

and we both agree.. not knowing exactly how many years it has been since we last had a bowl of captain crunch.. "it is just as good as it ever was!" only it tasted even better because we enjoyed it on a leisurely raider game sunday morning.. and there are little crunchy ghosts that turn your milk green..

and, that's probably the biggest difference between then and now

now; our milk is lactose free.

and, if you have captain crunch for breakfast.. what then for lunch? well, we've been seeing those wendy's commercials about their new fries, preferred, -ALMOST- 2 to 1 to McDonald's fries..

and we are exercising, and eating very well these days.. so well, in fact, we both, through diet and exercise, lowered our blood pressure numbers to "we're normal!"

but during our kitchen remodel earlier in the year.. we were at fast food drive-thrus on a regular basis it seemed. and, so.. since they are neighbors, we'd drive-thru McDonalds for those most delicious hot fresh lightly salted french fries.. and nibble on those, drive over, and wait in the drive-thru line at wendys for their cheese burgers.

so, if the commercial was true.. wendys could potentially become a one-stop-shop for burgers 'and fries!'

we put it to the test:

and so, on the more rare occasions we head out for fast food these days; we will still do the same thing: hit McDonalds for the fries; wendys for the burgers.

and wendys is my sexy's favorite for burgers.. but mine is on the other side of town:

foster freeze. the best!

and since we are on the topic of food.. we will be returning very soon to andale's mexican restaurant in los gatos. what a strong, favorable, wonderful memory we both have, of the time(s) we ordered their flautas..

i'm going to search out a picture..

because at several different mexican restaurants now, we have ordered 'flautas' but ended up with taquitos... (synonyms?)

for us, based on our andale's experience; these are two very distinct and different meals 'flautas' vs. 'taquitos'

the flauta's at andales, the ones we remember.. a light, almost pastry-flaky soft (not crunchy) fresh tortilla, with the perfect ratio of fresh ingredients -inside- (not on top) of the tortilla; chicken, lettuce, cheese, avocado, sour cream.. tiny chopped tomatoes?

the best!

and, so we re-checked andale's menu online.. looked at their pictures.. and -frustrating

because their 'flauta' looks like a taquito

-we are going back very soon to figure this thing out.

"cheers! hallelujah & amen!"

WAIT! this is when pictures are so helpful! -our memories are the same.. and we even both have the memory, that our flautas were served, cut diagonally, where you can see the ingredients inside..

was that a different time we were there? -because in this pix.. if you blow it up: flautas, just like the other restaurants.. taquito style, with ingredients on the side..

..but there is something magical about andale's tortilla... anyway.. highly recommend this restaurant! consistently fresh, wonderful meals! gracias! and amen

Grateful Bliss 2021 yard art by (sexy! & tops!) #bliss @writeousmom

last year we shape shifted a witch, into a pilgrim, into santa. and i didn't see a new shape-shifting opportunity myself.. but my sexy.. a wonderful vision! a haunted house (oct) into a fall theme house (nov) and next month.. gingerbread (dec) fun, fun, fun! and we are having just as much creative fun as ever with our yard art hobby of.. 3 years now. "Thank You!" Jesus.. amen.

Yard Art Photos

"CHEERS!" to our beloved (robert frost!)

what a wonderful problem to have; i am behind on public "thank you's" and pictures -to chris for our wonderful lunch at the local mexican restaurant, great experience, food, drink and visit! -to my dad n' chris for the invite; the high school football game, family all gathered.. /apologies for early departure, but we know you understand. "congrats! what a win margin! way to go isaiah! and teammates" to jerry/sandy.. the delivery of fresh baked persimmon cookies, which we fell in love with last year (and don't share with others).. and our neighbor for sharing the persimmons in the first place.. and there is more, and i will call, text or write.. how blessed!

and speaking of being blessed, "thank you!" here again to karl and valerie.. i mean.. it was a great-to-be-alive kind of day, which included a spectacularly delicious dinner, champagne, photography share session and all around great visit -after!- we already so thoroughly enjoyed the wine release party in the afternoon at las positas.

and it was during our dinner together, that robert and i were more intimately introduced to some of the art in their home.. namely

-because we had discussed san juan batista earlier in our conversations.. and these limited addition autographed and numbered aqua tints were pieces they purchased while visiting san juan batista..

beautiful of course

but the reason i am going out of my way to specifically mention the artist, the art work by name:

Winter Path by Stephen McMillan

is because karl said, "what attracted me to it, was that it reminded me of the robert frost poem.. two roads diverged in a wood..."

and that's when my brain gets going like a pinball machine [the name released the metal ball] -ding! i remember... -ding! ding!... and i wrote... and that "ding!" reminded me about the time...

and it is a CH worth several mental arcade points.

and these are all good memories; -even the formerly bad memories are now very good memories.

and i'm skipping 10 pages here on time and the processing of life experiences.. [boring really]

this is the fun stuff:

those are the closing lines of a poem i wrote... some 100 years ago; emotionally speaking..

and, then there is THIS.

and.. those are the highlights from among some unknown number of connections.

"Cheers!" to friends and wine and pictures and poetry and time and healing and good meals and chocolate

and God. -not in that order, of course. amen.

"a PLETHORA of gorgeous passes" go (warriors!) #warriors @writeousmom

it was a very exciting game to watch last night.. and, to see a larger representation of the world champions on the court; wonderful! and the integration of the new warriors; intriguing!

and i kept sayin' to my sexy "what a pass! did you see that.. behind the back action!" because there were not one, not two or three.. but just as the tv sports announcer said,

"a plethora of gorgeous passes" by the warriors.

hallelujah & amen!