Friday, May 29, 2015

And it goes like this... for (me!) sandra, tvgp

-my daughters graduation party..  "I only cried once!". proud of myself..  and deeply grateful to her dad and his girlfriend for hosting  the event at their gorgeous boat house; deeply grateful for the amazing climate.. and, especially because it was a long drive..  and not local for my friends and family..  that everyone went out of their way to come share in this milestone celebration despite the drive..   " thank you!".  -I dont know how my daughter could be anything but happy, grateful.. for this combination "congratulations!" & "good luck/blessings for college!"    -she has an abundance of thank you cards to write...  and it is always a privilege to write and or receive thank you cards... 

-there is a song that plays on KLOVE.. the lyrics I let play on repeat in my heart/mind say.."..You're going to do great things... I already know.. God's got his hand on you.".   I think it; sing it; pray it; write it; know it; believe it...

yes I do.

but that doesn't stop me from saying "Jesus.. who came up with this stupid idea that we are supposed to send our kids away to college..  How did we get sold this crappy bill of goods?  No one ever asked me..  Its just this.. What.. Habit... Someone else designed the whole stupid program..  I think its stupid.. I don't believe it is really necessary..   She can be Independent write here,  she can learn just as much...

and in a text to my daughter:  -would you believe me if I told you it has absolutely nothing to do with your choice of colleges.  -I swear it! Its just that I'm suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to move near your college..  because...  because I love trees. 


There is a saying about when " all the planets align".  -a short cut for saying everything that could go write; did go write.. Lots of green lights in a row that allow something to take place..

but what is the opposite?  I'll tell you.. I had been marking my calendar and counting down the days to Barones opening night of music under the stars the way a child marks the calendar and counts down to Christmas.. 

then my sister .. best friend... dance partner... partner in crime.. -she got the flu.   then a couple friends, including Mr Motown, -said they couldn't make it..  and the weather started to turn...

all this time I was so excited

Our favorite band, pride & joy, was performing opening night!  -it doesn't get better..

but no planets were aligning and in fact Barones themselves canceled the event.    I only sulked very momentarily.. Because just as when you should not ignore all the planets aligning; and a series of back to back green lights

nor should you Ignore the misalignment, red light, red light, red light signals..

In the words of Shakespeare:   "T'was not meant to be."


so.. Last night then was the official opening night and a spectacular opening night it was!  

climate: perfect.
band: cheeseballs;  -fantastic!   /and looks like the darling blond singer is with child in womb..   dancing no doubt...
attendance: wonderful! my sister well enough to rally and even danced a couple; Mr Motown/Craig saved some seats and dances for us.. couple friends of my sisters.. and a half dozen familiar faces of people we don't know by name, but know from several years of mutual dance nights..   and! the whole gorgeous patio area.. packed again!  happy dancing people in every direction.. they spill off the dance floor to in between chairs and tables..

now,  last year I believe the hottest, like, most popular dance song of the season was blurred lines..

and the very second I heard the uptown funk song on the radio I announced to my kids, niece, nephew..  'This! this the next hottest dance song..  at Barones..  Everyone will hit the dance floor for this one..'

its got that funky Motown danceable beat..   and seems like it was practically custom written for Mr Motown's dance moves; a perfect pairing if there ever was one..    An extra treat to share the dance floor with him for that one..

and he took my sister on the floor for her favorite, favorite...  Its getting hot in here...

and I will never tire of looking around the patio as the band plays and watching who lights up for what song.. but you can always tell when someone's favorite dance song plays.. 

The additional animation...  -when people are their most alive..

So..  The 2015 music under the stars season has officially begun..  and we had quite a lot of fun getting warmed up...

"Cheers!".    and a big thank you Jesus!

Plus..  I am more excited write now than the paparazzi at the Oscars..   tomorrow is my daughters senior ball!  

Mama~razzi heaven!   And grandma~razzi!   -we are a fierce photographing team...   and she is gracious about humoring us...

" thank you!" love....   ~amen.

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Im willing now to meet this tolstoy fellow (me!) sandra, tvgp

generically speaking: all of the people labeled 'great writers' of today, have studied and know, to some extent, the people who were labeled 'great writers' of yesterday.

So for those of you who can..  -name the top 10 greatest writers of all time.

k.  I probably do not know, and have never read them, but could recognise their names as names I've heard before floating around out there in media enough that it crossed my cerebral path.

I'm going to go google that write now..10 greatest writers of all time.   Or rather, after I post this, so as not to be interrupted while making my point.

my point is that Leo Tolstoy is on the list; most likely.

and I remember..  I think, his Anna Karenina, was an Oprah book club selection, and everyone was raving about how wonderful it was..

but I did brief research, and the entire story is based around infidelity.  My thoughts on the matter are already well documented here so I will not bother to repeat..

But in essence I had absolutely no interest and remain dumbfounded as to how the whole world is not bored to death with Infidelity as a plot line.  It does not get less original than that I promise you. Same story over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over ad nauseum.  -just change character names and scenery.

and it is why for (me!) The book titled Jewel, by (must relook up author) is a true masterpiece..    A true accomplishment!   and.. Was also an Oprah book club selection if I remember correctly..

Now.. Based on Anna Karenina alone I had zero interest in learning even 5 minutes more worth about this Tolstoy fellow..

-shame on me.

because just the other day I was listening to NPR .. National public radio on my 10 minute break and you don't even need one guess to know who they were talking about

-out of what must have been an entire half hour or hour talk.. My 10 minute break landed me write at the part where they discussed Tolstoy's later life conversion to Christianity..  and how he later  -denounced? Regretted?     -well, let's just say that post conversion he would not have invested his gifting and talent in writing the likes of Anna Karenina...

and then  they talked about his books post conversion..

and you don't even need one guess to know what books I'll be checking out next visit to the library...

dear Leo Tolstoy... I look forward now to meeting you.

in Jesus name, amen.

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

MINDFULNESS as seen by (me!) sandra, tvgp

-on hold:  stories about my daughter graduating from highschool; preparing for college; the parties, celebrations, etc.

-but I will springboard a little because of the number of people I talked to at the recent party who now practice some form of mindfulness; meditation; yoga..  and the result and testimonies are remarkable and remarkably consistent.  In a nutshell:

"It works!!"

every good thing you can think of: reduces stress overall while simultaneously strengthening your ability to cope with stress as it appears; yields greater peace, joy, confidence, esteem..

in a nutshell again:   -all the fruits of the spirit; peace, love, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control..

well..  Mindfulness is the..  Primary ingredient, tool, daily practice.. the key for helping any and all of those manifest.

How much testimony do you require?

listen to any spiritual leader from any faith system..
listen to Eckhart tolle.. The Pope.. Ghandi..
-a thousand self help books..

I have my own personal experience which is so positive I don't require additional evidence.. but to validate

-read Dan Harris' 10% happier book..

"It works!".   Mindfulness & meditation  "it works!"

I am convinced this is humanities path to evolving..  you know how many times I've stated my concern: technology out-evolving humans; humans remaining stuck..

one of the greatest roadblocks is.  -religion.  that is.. we cannot incorporate prayer in schools, or espouse any specific faith system over another.   this results in one of two things: either not one religion can be discussed at all for fear of offending another; or all religions can be discussed with the goal of not favoring one over another..

that ends up being counterproductive no matter which way it lands..

The beauty of mindfulness and mediation is that..

it is entirely religion/faith neutral.   -entirely independent of!

but when it comes to helping people grow, evolve, and achieve greater peace, health, confidence, esteem..  improving relationships to self and others..

mindfulness/meditation not only consistently gets results; it gets results without encountering all the controversy, and dead ends and  roadblocks that prayer or any given faith system faces..

it is so noncontroversial and so remarkably consistent in yielding better quality lives

that if I could only add just this one practice, this one class, to our public and private school curriculum..

it would no longer be: reading, writing, arithmetic

it would be:


it would be first and foremost and would no doubt improve the ability for each child to master the others..

now, I do not know the instructor teaching this class through the pleasanton community and activities summer program..

but I am very happy to see it being offered.. and wish it for the whole wide world.   -the younger we learn it; the better!

In Jesus name,   -amen!

Thursday, May 21, 2015

I Corinthians 13:13

this: -is where i live; literally. it is my spiritual address if you will: my spirit lives at 1 Corinthians 13:13.   lives there.

how do I know..   the same way in a recent post I described what happened when I received the writing prompts book..   -what that helped me fully realize is that..  I do not need writing prompts; but for how long this has been true, I do not know..

in that same way.. It was when I was having conversations with multiple others.. and faced with a given situation.. each person shared their response..  And as I listened to each of them..

I fully realized.. that is not what is in my mind, heart or spirit at all! My initial and -permanent residence is to react with faith, hope and love.   -nothing else is there... Nothing else gets in.   -I am amazed myself.. how real, how clear, how unwavering..

and I can remember when this was not the case.  I can remember in non specific ways.. 

being unable at all...and then only on special occasions.. Only under certain circumstances..  and gradually over time.. Without my being entirely conscious of the process..

I have arrived.

and it feels wonderful.

to live here:  at 1 Corinthians 13:13.   With faith, and hope and love.   -in response to ALL things, good or bad, hard or easy, traumatic or blissful..

-and to KNOW it..  


how fascinating to be able to interpret our internal goings-on!

I reask..   in circumstances relevant to the question:

Are you doing such n such out of obligation or because you want to?

when we provide an honest answer to that question..  -like, what is going on inside of us that allows us to judge/determine and know what our feelings are.?. Or determine when/how they subtly change..

I.e., I started out feeling obligated but now I want to..  Or vice versa..

-we know what we know. We interpret feelings all the time; unconsciously; but expertly

and I know.. That once upon I time I did not live in such a permanent way at 1 Corinthians 13:13..

I was not sure it even existed on the spiritual map.  

Then I learned it existed..

I visited it once or twice..   and then returned..

and on what date exactly I do not know, but

apparently I moved in.   I live there.  All the time.

and it is beautiful.   And guess what else..

there is room for everyone!   how awesome is that!

In Jesus name..  amen!

Brudders & Sistours. as seen by (me!) -writeousmom..

i have always been curious, in regard to the family video mentioned in prior post..  like, -how on earth, at 2 1/2.. did TaRyN come up with this "to all my brudders and sistours".    for one, she didn't have any brudders or sistors..   Only one 'brudder' who would not arrive into the world for another four days..  and for two..   that address, 'brudders & sistours' was not in my vocabulary at all, nor in her fathers.. no one in our immediate family,   -and this is long before I was watching so much church TV..

I've always been curious where she picked that up.   -it is so sweet to me..   how inclusive.

" to my brudders.. and my sistours..   and my whole fam~ily..  and my mom.. and my dad.. and my grandpa.. and my grandma.. and to my rob.. and to my Keesh.. 


there is one more highlight in that video.. melts me! to the core.  My sister has TaRyN on her hip..   Like me, my sister is also pregnant at the time, only she is couple months behind me..

but my daughter touches her aunties tummy.. she at first is talking through a pacifier " -its just a baby now..  

but when he gets bigger..."  Removes pacifier and her arm shoots up as she readies to share the big revelation..."he can play with me!".  -and then they talk some more about visiting wal mart when the baby arrives..  -very, very sweet.. 

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Value of a family video.. to (me!) sandra, tvgp

more valuable than...  anything! I mean take my home, clothes, food.. 

-leave me on a park bench..   but if I could just have access to family photos and videos and the drawings and writings my children have done over the years..

I just rewatched one of my all time, all time! favorites..  and what series of events led me to finding and rewatching..  as it was not on my agenda at all to do so..  I promise you, it was the saints again.. I know it.

I know it because back to back hard news was starting to..

and so, next thing you know I'm watching this family video from 1999 and smiling so big.. And then laughing so hard..

hard, deep laughter.. where tears fall..  

if ever there was some family video worthy of sharing with the whole wide world!  I do not write now know how to go about getting this on YouTube or my blog..  But the very second I do..

you can't miss it..  you have to see it...   the highlights for me, and you are welcome to fast forward.. But the highlights..

1. it should be called 'the worlds longest Christmas card'.  -my daughter is 2 1/2 years old.. It is Christmas morning.. I am 4 days shy of giving birth to her younger brother.. house is filled with family sitting around the Christmas tree, opening presents, visiting, etc.

and at some point TaRyN takes center stage and starts reading a Christmas card.  only, as I mentioned, she is 2 1/2 years old.  -she can't, like, actually read.. but you sure would never know it..

-until you notice maybe that the card is sometimes write side up, and sometimes upside down...

-and you can glance and see that there are probably 10 words at most inside the card itself..

but she is standing there with the card in hand, reading like nobody's business..

"and to my mom, and my dad, and to my grandpa and to my grandma and to my rob and to my Keesh..

and to all my brodders and sistors.. 

and to your helf..   (health).

and to my whole fam~i~ly.    -this all gets a good laugh and so repeat, repeat, repeat..

when she starts losing her audience she gets very animated..

waving her hand to each group of family, left, write and center:

" listen! listen! Listen!  Ev~eDY~body... "

and then she reads some more...

and some more..

and a little more after that.   as she starts losing her audience again.. she decides to add some attention-grabbing flair..

"and to all my brodders and sistors.. and to your helf..  and to my pajamas.. And to my bottom hurts.."

-anything for a laugh.. 


and!  better still!   her trumpet performance with her dad!  Oh.. Praise God!  this is the part that just sends me into one every time..

it is because..  Because..

I can barely type this I get to laughing..

  -from very early on TaRyN imitated the patterns of speech and conversation way before she incorporated the actual words..

she mimicked sounds and patterns..  

if you wonder what I mean, this brief little magical Christmas musical will explain everything..

her dad has a flute..   He plays a couple random notes.. then he, in the voice and tone of a band leader, says something like..

"wind section done..  now the brass section.. Hit it.. Your turn!"

and then TaRyN makes at least one noise come out of her plastic kid trumpet..  and..   then.. sense she has no idea what her dad actually said, but got the pitch and pattern, she utterly takes on all the body language and animation of a famous conductor and goes, like.. 

"Batada..   Ratbudad... Blahbeba...  batada!   YOUR TURN!"

and then her dad makes a couple noises come out of his..  flute or kazoo or whatever it is..

and she takes it away from there..  does the whole thing again..

"Batada, rpadata, matadyaba!   MY TURN!"

and then follows all her animated conducter-speak and waving of hands and giant incomprehensible introduction to her bass section with..

a short little,  barely audible whisper of a noise from her plastic trumpet.

they go back n forth a couple times.. And I am laughing so hard I can barely record it..

but when it comes to true treasures...  

I'd trade the Mona Lisa and any equivalent   -there is no material thing.. No value that can be placed.. nothing as precious.. 

as my family videos.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Last Word regarding economics of low income.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I am 1. exhausted of the topic. And 2. Need to move on..  but I cannot move forward.. it would be a huge disservice if I did not share this before I close writing on this topic. So here:

ObamaCare:  -first let me thank Jesus.. for my health over the past decade living below the poverty level.. having no medical, dental, vision coverage for eight or nine years..

and I remind everyone here the reason I did not have coverage is because I COULD NOT AFFORD COVERAGE.  -not that I didn't want or need it.  K.

the only reason I have auto Insurance is because it is mandatory by law.  So,  making health insurance mandatory by law does get results.  I am now covered.

However!  And please pay attention here: I.. Who could not afford it to begin with.. Was financially penalised for not getting it on time.

-taking even more money from someone who has very little begin with..

-next.. I was behind on a payment.. So the result of that was extra penalties from the insurance and the bank..

Taking even more money away from someone who has very little..

So, the result of this mandatory health coverage has cost me..  A LOT.   and where is that money going.. To who? Really?   and times how many people are the mandatory penalty fees, insurance and bank fees being taken..      -why we keep taking more and more from those who don't have to begin with..  And giving more and more to those who have plenty is beyond my comprehension.

I would like to suggest here: The issue IS NOT healthcare.. The issue is COST of LIVING vs. WAGES..

that is where the gap  -grand canyon gap exists.

and I know there are some intelligent people out there who can address this issue..   -write.

and it just kills me.. That we pack our downtowns and cities with stores and restaurants which offer a minimum wage  -give or take a few bucks..   And then..

refuse to offer low income housing in the same area?!?

which means people who can't afford the basics.. are required to commute further.. Which costs more in gas, wear n tear on automobiles, etc. 

if ever there was a fixable problem... 

who among you hears the call?

In Jesus name, amen..

Monday, May 18, 2015

Winner! as described by (my sister!) to (me!) sandra, tvgp

description of a backyard:  "it was like Martha stewart ... well no, it was like Martha Stewarts cousins backyard might be..  Like Martha came over and helped a little but she still had her own style."

/God I love that... Has such an Irresistible blog~ability factor to it..

Dear Super Soulers.. from (me!) sandra, tvgp

Super soul Sundays with Oprah on OWN. I remain a fan.. You know my greatest concern for humanity is that we are investing so much in advancing our technology while humans are getting left far behind.

Helping humans evolve.. That is our greatest need.  And anyone who is helping in this crucial area.. "THANK YOU!"

pleased to see the panel of three 30 something's..  I am provided hope..

But! the answers to living a spiritual life are seeming a little too redundant and trite to me.. I do not question their authenticity in answer.. And all speak a certain truth:

yes live with gratitude.
Yes live in the moment.
Yes be able to meditate, evaluate, control your own thoughts, etc.
Yes your strength and happiness are INSIDE jobs and cannot be achieved externally..

I could go on. Its all true..  They've got it!  

But the true test to me, for me personally of a spiritual leader is not whether or not they live with gratitude..

the true test is in their response to personal and others ~suffering.

Dear Oprah.. I am about to share my very real world, real life experiences/observations on any given week..

The question for spiritual leaders is this: how do you process suffering:

-a perfectly healthy elementary school age child just collapsed in an unexpected death.

-a child diagnosed with cancer

-a man just abandoned his family..

-a friends sibling committed suicide..

-a ten year old baby died..

-a 47 year old died of a heart attack..

-a child down the street was molested..

-a mother/daughter were just killed by a drunk driver..

-a teen was hospitalized for attempting suicide..

-a cyber bully just released humiliating videos of someone they wanted to humiliate..

-rapes, murders, wars, violence, crime, genocides, poverty, natural disasters.. Greed, corruption..

true spiritual leaders will be able to speak on and address life issues on this level.  I keep my eyes and ears and heart open..

In Jesus name, amen..

The real gift... to (me!) sandra, tvgp

first: a public thank you to Mr Motown.. my long time dance partner friend.. gifted me with some Jesus jewelry and this book..   I love all things Jesus, so thank you..  And! without realizing it.. well, I know that you know I like to write..

and so, the 642 book was based on that knowledge.. But the real gift you gave me was.. The realization that I graduated past needing writing prompts a long time ago.   In august I will have been blogging for TEN YEARS!  -thousands of posts..    And I'm not sure exactly when it happened because earlier in my writing life I did want and need prompts..   but that has not been the case in a very long time..

prompts ...   At the risk of sounding ungrateful for the gift which I am not..  but I do regard them as necessary for beginners..  and a sign of growth and progress is the lack of that need..

it applies in many areas of life I believe..  Including sex.  -yes it comes to mind for me..  when I learn someone needs a prompt.. An outside stimulus of some sort..    -need a porn to get you going?  -novice.   /she says with a smile..

for writing, for sex, mixed media art...I need no prompts..   but for math and cooking..

I need prompts, books, videos, tutor, extra inspiration, help..  I need a very, very high incentive..

Or what I really need is..  An accountant and restaurants..


count down to music under the stars: 4 days...

Is there a mix~ologist in the house.. for (me!) sandra, tvgp

something old/something new; something borrowed, -someone's blue..

Old: /as I have mentioned it before. the award, -top honor! for best two songs ever blended and fused goes to...

whoever came up with the ides to mix john mayers , your body is a wonderland with..  I'm never speaking up again, I'll use my hands..

My God! what a perfect mix.. awesome.. Wow!

and now.. if someone with that same talent for mixing would help (me!) out..

I want to hear..  I long to hear.. I know it would be equally awesome if someone would blend/fuse/mix..

Louie Armstrong's, ~wonderful world


James Morrison's, ~wonderful world.

Oh! the lyrics! the music, collaboration of melodies.. the way it can hit home..  grand slam the life experience of both..  Of how it really is; can feel in any given week..  the miracles of life simultaneous with the traumas and tragedies..

something like this:


Armstrong..  "I see trees of green, red roses too, I see them bloom, for me & you, and I think to myself, ~what a wonderful world..

Morrison:  " and I know its a wonderful world,  but I can't feel it write now..  thought that I was doing well but i just wanna cry now.."


back n forth like that for the whole mixed long version...


borrowed:   = with intention/assumption it will be returned.


blue = validation for gray.


..something random; something true:

I watch the voice.. Love! The voice..  I could watch that level of talent and variety, for many, many, hours in a row and still long for more..    every song artist   -although entirely unique.. Wants exactly the same experience

That experience can be seen by watching beth hart sing I'd rather be blind for buddy guy when he received the Kennedy ..something.. Honor..

all of the performers were professional..talented.. Gave great performances..  Etc.    -but there can be no argument that beth hart's performance was above & beyond.

mystical, magical, miraculous, anointed, blessed, larger than life..

This level cannot be achieved every time she hits the stage; the expectation is unrealistic.  It is very special when it happens.

My guess is that every artist performing that night has had their own.. Let's call it a 'beth hart moment'  -on a stage somewhere under their own special circumstances..

And I think it is just as much a miracle and honor to witness as it is to experience.

So it becomes my prayer for every artist.. Singer, dancer, writer, Whatever..

I think it can happen more than once for sure... But if it only happens once

That is awesome!  -hope you get it recorded so it can be relived and shared with generations to come...

In Jesus name, amen

The Heart Seen.. on (noah's bagel!)

~little love for breakfast...  "Thanks mom!"

The Heart Seen... by (squidmann!)

/forgive me; can't avoid the pun: taco 'bout the heart seen..  its in the spill of the sauce..

The Heart Seen... by (lee ann caldwell!)

please.. how precious is this? they welcomed a number of little duckies into their home from the zoo~ology class..   enjoyed an extended stay..  I smile every time I see Lee Ann's face as she talked about having to return them..  "Don't forget your mama loves you...".   ~sweetest bond.    -and she invited me to sit down and hold one for a little stretch.. neat sensation to have it go from flittery and nervous rapid breathing to.. calm and nestled comfortably..  darling little creatures... heart magnets.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

"page 37!?!". says (my sister!)

"This should be FRONT PAGE NEWS!"   /and we both are wondering..  mike..  divorced?  how's he doin'?

Sex Education by (me!) sandra, tvgp. ~writeousmom...

so, my son was doing his homework

um,  -in the car, on the way to school this morning while i drove.

and part of this included a questionnaire with sex-related questions the kids were to ask their parents..

these things leave my mind pretty quickly, so i don't remember all of the questions.. just a few

how old do i think a person should be before having sex?

18.   as i've mentioned before; i do not know how to dream small.

-my thoughts on abortion..  pro-choice.

-best age to have children...  24/25..   /after its legal to drink.. /she says with a smile..    but i kid.   more to do with energy/maturity/optimism..

-can he talk to me about sex?...  i said 'i sure hope so!  any awkward question you are brave enough to ask.. i will honestly answer..'

but my favorite one.. the one that stands out:

what do i wish i knew about sex and relationships back in the day.

i said, "i wish i knew men who put God first in their lives."

both my son and nephew responded with the equivalent of boos and tomatoe tossing..

".. i mean it..  because they would make better sex partners..  anyone who puts God in front of their ego.."

and then i signed the homework just as they were exiting the car for school...


and i remembered a male creature who wore a cross necklace.. who talked a good Christian game.. 

who could look directly in the eyes of someone he swore fidelity and faithfulness to.. and lie    -so competently, and convincingly..

/very impressive acting retrospectively speaking.. 

but could be all the while f'ing more than one person.

-just undoes me..   not the act of infidelity itself; which is  several degrees of horrific all by itself..  but

the lying, sneaking, deceiving..  so casually and at master levels..

with no care.     -it is beyond my comprehension..

i just know, based on SEVERAL life experiences; and countless observations..

when I say 'a man who puts God first..'

I do not mean a man who PRETENDS to put God first; who wears the write jewelry and talks the good talk..

I mean a man who.. in His heart and mind and conscious..

Who -for real, puts God first..

such a man would make an awesome lover..  because it has to do with actually being in love. /which is not self seeking..

and being able to trust..

In Jesus name..  Amen!

The Heart Seen... sent by (roz gamble!)

email read:  hi Sandra,  whenever I see a heart, in any way shape or form and it looks new, I think of your collection. Here's a stunning one I just received from my cousin in North Carolina.  Enjoy. Hope all is well with you. God Bless, Roz Gamble

"Thank you!!".  -means more than you realize..  Xoxo

Sunday, May 10, 2015

a very "Happy Mothers Day!" to (our mom!) slash (grandma!)

Saturday, May 09, 2015

Public "Thank You!" to Saint... ? from (me!) sandra, tvgp

i can never remember which saint it is that helps us find lost things..

so then i have to pray to the saint that helps us remember saints names..

but obviously.. can't remember that saints name either.. So, I just trust they understand and don't take it too, you know, -personal.

and i have proof here, they don't..

if you are a secularist, you won't get this..  if you are a spiritualist, you'll be smiling before i even arrive at  "found!"


lost: the mysteries of pittsburgh, by michael chabon.   -no big deal if it was MY book, but it is a LIBRARY book, due...    well, lets just say its over-due.  

i searched the house, i searched my car, i searched the laundry basket, i searched at my work..  i searched under couches, above the refrigerator, below the sink... 

it felt like i searched every possible place the book could be; and several places it would be impossible for the book to be, but that didn't stop me from looking..

if you are a "have-ist" when it comes to money, -you won't get this...but if you are a have-not-ist..  you are smiling already because

"Oh my God.. how much is the fine for a lost book?!?".   and in my mind i was already figuring out..  K, minus this, shift that, skip one meal, less gas in car... maybe walk...

/and may i confess here.. you will still find me on the dance floor at music under the stars with a drink in my hand.. because i have my financial priorities in order!

anyway..  maybe it was stolen.. i mean, i do remember putting it in the front seat..   where after that?  maybe i left my door unlocked, and window cracked open a little..  

you've all heard of the book thief.. -write.

obviously it was nowhere in the house or at my work..  "They don't evaporate! Books do not evaporate..where is the Frickin thing?!...  "

so that's write about when it occurred to me to do what has successfully helped me find who knows how many lost/misplaced items over the years..    -pray to the saint!

i pause. i close my eyes.  "dear saint... christopher?   michael?

no, ..patrick?   -no, you are the pets and animals saint.. or traveling..

oh my God, please forgive me..  saint of forgotten saint names of the saints who help with lost things

-you know who I need!   in Jesus name, amen"

now..  pay close attention to the creative choreography here.   -secularists have a very boring interpretation of these events..but spiritualists see the dance...

first we have my great affection (euphemism for celebrity crush) for russell crowe.

what does he have to do with my lost library book?  -check it out:

because i have great affection for russell crowe, and i was a tiny bit down in spirits one day last week, i took myself to go see the water diviner. 

it is very fair here to ask how it is that i cannot afford to fill up my gas tank, but can afford to take myself to the movies..

once again, the 'have-ists' will never get it.. the 'have-not-its' totally understand.  when we budget..  it is very creatively.   80% goes to taking care of the absolutely mandatory: keeping the lights on.. the car running   -for the day; that sort of thing..  and then the other 70% percent goes to enjoying life..   because tomorrow is not promised and if we stayed home, -saving, saving, saving,  by the time we accumulated any amount of significance, our whole life will have passed us by...

so, we may not be too smart when it comes to money or numbers..but we are highly intelligent when it comes to enjoying life!

-see that poor mom on welfare getting her nails and hair done...


anyway..  i took myself to the movies.. and oh! you should have seen my face when my russell crowe came riding up to (me!) on a white horse..  please.  and when he took his little outside shower..

please.    -i would have paid double and skipped the popcorn.. is very important you realize that i was not so utterly lost in fantasies of russell crowe that the larger history lesson and significance of the water diviner was lost on me..  i got it!  the sexy australian farmer..the horrific war..the human toll...the lost sons.. the search...   K. I got it.  and the beauty of the scenery, the cultures, the geography..  beautifully narrated.. a rare, slow, unfolding..

little choppy here and there, but they were covering so much; you have to; i understand..

anyway... the entire reason i went to see the water diviner, was not to see russell crowe at all!  actually

the entire reason i saw the water diviner was to help me find the mysteries of pittsburgh!

i promise you the mysteries of pittsburgh has nothing on the mysteries of the saints..

the day after i saw the water diviner i was at work and a beautiful woman was at the counter purchasing some cool things, and as we talked a bit, i inquired about her lovely accent..


so,  ive already explained in several prior posts how our minds work:   hyperlinks in the brain!

write away i was like.. "i just saw the water diviner!".  And she was not familiar and asked me to tell her about it..

I went to tell her about it..  -very fresh in my mind..  and **that thing happened. So, i pulled it up on the computer, and turned the monitor around so she could see the images and read the synopsis herself.   -she smiled quite big.   " yes, I know about this.." And she went on to share about what it was like.. She had visited the very place..

and im certain she will be seeing the water diviner very soon..

Now, what does that have to do with finding my lost library book?

-the saints have me write where they want me..  Because..

the next day after that, when i got a reminder notice about the overdue book..and have surrendered to the fact the book was lost or stolen..

when i was coming up with creative alternatives to paying a fine..

like,  -isn't this author local? maybe ren man knows him.. he knows a bunch of authors.. maybe i can get an autographed replacement! -that would put me back in the good graces of the library now wouldn't it..

and the saints just smiled.  and one must have winked.

Because the next day after that... i was getting all super frustrated with

**that thing that happens!

**that thing that happens, is this:  i read a book, or watch a movie. i get it. fully. i understand, comprehend, totally appreciate, -all of that. the information IS IN ME.  

-it just can't get out!!   it is the most frustrating thing EVER!

the only other time I've ever heard it described is when I saw.. Gibby(?)  -the politician who was shot in the head.. And survived!!

it happens to her too!  -so im completely convinced it is brain trauma related..

but -my go-around, in times of frustration and need, is to just find a way to show whatever it is I'm trying to synopsis on the internet..

'..there; you read it..


and this very morning, that i am typing write now.. i wanted to blog about **that stupid thing that happens!

and i wanted to take a picture that could help explain.  and ive done it before but wanted a new one.

it is a picture of a clear glass with water in it.  /half full of course.

and has a straw.  only the straw has a knot.

'That's what it feels like!"

-the information IS in there; IS in me; AND! IS crystal clear.

I can know it, see it, taste it; internally.  but it won't Frickin cross my lips!!

I'm convinced there is a knot in there...

-so, the saints sent me to the cupboard for a clear glass..

and then to the sink to fill it half full with water...

and then to the drawer for a straw..

No straws?! i looked in every drawer in the kitchen.. no straw, no straw, no straw..

and the same way i started looking in both places that made sense and places that made no sense at all when i was hunting for the library book..

i started looking in places that made no sense to find a straw.

and you can easily say your very own 'low & behold' write here..

because third drawer down in my nieces arts and crafts organizer..

"the mysteries of pittsburgh!"

so, as it turns out, you do not even have to know the correct  name of which saint does what in order for them to choreograph on your behalf.

mercy defined.

so, i am now on page 23 of my

'i once was lost, -but now am found'  recently renewed library book.

"Thank You Saint... Whoever you are!"

In Jesus Name



Friday, May 08, 2015

Quick Question.. from (me!) sandra, tvgp

-how often are you fully conscious

of the fact that your very life is dependent on the breathing in and breathing out of oxygen..   In Pure laymen terms..  Air.

and then conscious of how air is created.. etc.

the more important question is..   whether you are ever fully conscious of this or not..

whether you are taught, or told, or go your whole life ignorant..

How does this effect you?   is air denied you? 

think of God as the air you breathe..

Better One Day In Your Court... a national prayer from (me!) sandra, tvgp

IT IS national day of prayer..   the first thing I celebrate is the fact that if I did not have work..  

I AM CAPABLE of sitting and peacefully praying for many hours at a time.  That ability to peacefully focus for marathon amounts of time

would have been impossible a decade ago..   Certainly impossible when I suffered from PTSD..

so my very first prayer is "Thank You Jesus!" for my own healing which  then allows me to pray for others..

time restricts me from praying as I am capable.. So my prayer for everyone then is this:

that YOU experience the presence of God in your life.

It is an undeniable, unexplainable, peace and confidence no matter what crisis or circumstance you are facing.  It is to KNOW you are loved; you are not alone..

it is NOT the absence of crisis or challenges or burdens or concerns..

IT IS an internal knowledge that you are loved and not alone and will be provided whatever it is you need to get through..

God does not provide as the world provides; nor how the world tells you you need to be provided for..

You might believe you need money, when what you really need is energy..

You might believe you need energy, when what you really need is money..

You might believe you need rescued, when what you really need is strength..

You might believe you need strength, when what you really need is a safe place to cry your eyes out and collapse for a while.

God knows what YOU really need; and God will provide.   Gods motives are pure; with only your best interest at heart..

God sees the before, the after.. your entire life in context and sees in fact, all of humanity; for all of time; into the eternal..

For people, like myself, and for countless others.. But we are everywhere...!

People who have and do experience Gods love and presence..

It is so ......   so....    what word?   Glorious? Overwhelming in its peacefulness..

Well, it is only natural to wish it and pray it for the whole wide world!

And for those of us who experience God's love and presence..

the lyrics, the passage regarding "better one day in your court, than a thousand elsewhere.."

That then becomes my prayer on this national day of prayer..

That today becomes that one day in his court..  for everyone.

That everyone has that experience.. which connects them deeply and permanently to the meaning

Better one day in your court, than a thousand elsewhere.

In Jesus Name.. Amen!

Thursday, May 07, 2015

What money CAN and CANNOT do.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I have reason to believe my financial situation will improve soon. But I have never let it define or dispirit me.. I have consistently allowed it to inform and educate..   -my children are blessed with the opportunity to see what money can (dads side) and cannot (my side) do..

as a person living below the poverty line for many years now, I tend toward pointing out what money cannot do..   Save lives; save marriages; keep healthy loving relationships alive, buy genuine love or loyalty in the heart of another..  Prevent infidelity.. Long list..

And let us look at the man who just killed a mother and her 14 month old baby..   I do not know his financial status.. But he was driving an expensive car and he somehow afforded bail..

the financial status of anyone involved.. the deceased and/or the bailed temporarily out..  what do we learn about what money CAN and CANNOT Do? 

In Jesus name,  amen!

On the recent death of a mom and her baby.. By (me!) sandra, tvgp

I drove past the area yesterday.. Saw the flowers, the cards, the balloons, the people, the..

LOVE .. pouring out from friends, family, neighbors, complete strangers..  

God IS LOVE.  and is clearly present...    I pray strength for the survivors, the boys the brothers, -everyone within loving distance of the deceased; the suddenly, unexpectedly, tragically, violently, unnecessarily deceased.

-we have the most obvious lesson; the consequences of drunk driving.  I do not know the statistics, but I do know, drunk driving accidents and tragedies have decreased significantly over the past couple decades thank you to the infatigue~able efforts of countless people who have helped raise awareness, toughen and enforce laws..

taxis.. designated drivers..   -huge help.   but we have not enlightened 100% of the population.. 

so.. let this tragic loss serve as a reminder and a wake up call.. to the seriousness; the crucial facts..   the very reason so many people have dedicated their own lives to making sure the message reaches everyone.

DO NOT DRINK & DRIVE.     -my own behavior has been positively effected by these efforts; this campaign..

I enjoy wine and beer.. On different occasions.. But when the occasion is in a location outside of my home..

someone else drives us to; someone else picks us up...

I have become highly conscious of the importance of this as a direct result of the efforts of others..   "Thank you!"


the other lesson..  straight to my heart...  and always, when I learn about a sudden tragic death;

-none of us KNOW.  not one of us KNOWS when and how exactly we will die..   

you can eat write, exercise, get a good education, increase or decrease the probability and life expectancy; potential..

But people die everyday at young ages, just walking on the sidewalk; just doing everyday things..

and perfectly healthy, good people die everyday at terribly young ages..  and everyday greedy, ugly, evil people live into their  90's

-and the opposite is also true..  good, healthy people living into their 90's; and evil ugly people die young..

one does not directly correlate with the other...

That is a very important lesson.

Everyday is a gift.   Every breath... 

How long you will be on this planet.. How long you have to spend with loved ones..    -you don't know.    -so spend it wisely.

In Jesus name,  amen! 

Public "Thank You!" To Bishop T.D. Jakes from (me!) sandra, tvgp

"Thank you!".   specifically for your message on 'when God says no.'

One thing that has troubled me for some time now, when reading/watching different Christian leaders is this.. 

false sense of hope that is shared with the masses, which leads people to believe that if they just believe deeply enough; pray correctly etc.   -that this will Influence the life or death of a loved one dying from cancer, for example.

So that.. When the loved one lives; they credit praying correctly; or truly believing

And when the loved one dies.. Anyway.. They are left wondering whether they didn't pray enough, or correctly, or truly believe..

that is a terrible weight and responsibility to place on an already hurting, confused, vulnerable and mere human being.

rather.. what I have learned is that prayer.. And love.. can provide strength..  strength to endure the battle; strength to celebrate victories.. strength to endure pain of loss when it happens.

the distinction for Christians.. Is FAITH in all circumstances.. And TRUST in God..   through and simultaneous to suffering..

so I like another sermon you gave also, when you said,

"If you lose your job; keep the faith...

if you lose your house; keep the faith..

If you have to bury a child; keep the faith.."

-because this at least speaks to the realities of many Christians..

authentic believers... who pray sincerely, etc.


when you understand and believe God is in control.. And believe that ALL things can be used for good for those who believe and are called to Gods purpose..

-then that is what you manifest and see.. 

example.   a parents child dies of cancer.

there is great grief and suffering.  

the parents share what they have learned, start a fundraiser, raise money for research.. and in the future a great deal is learned and applied, many lives are saved as a result..  /forgive me for being so bullet-pointish..

the parents experience a 'peace' that surpasses human understanding..    /I can attest to this peace, I've lived it..

they transcend their own pain and suffering and become of service to others.




a parents child dies of cancer.

there is great pain and suffering.

They fight.  They drink. They try to anesthesitize their own being..

they divorce.   they disconnect from God, if they even had a relationship to begin with..

they become bitter, empty..  and remain that way..


One outcome seems far superior to the other to me... Does it not?


It is my experience and observation that Christianity does not serve as an immunity to suffering.  And I've mentioned before how often the fact that we will suffer is written in the bible..  -it is very clear.

but so is the promise of strength.. the promise of healing.. The promise you are not alone; the promise it can be used for good..

Obviously we want to pray for the health and well being and healing of everyone..

But when loved ones die..    we keep our faith and trust in an all loving God.. Who can purpose the suffering.. Who can help us transcend..

I repeat:   we come to earth with instructions:

what we love to do, instructs us on what we are here to do.

and what suffering we endure,  instructs us on who we are here to help.

In Jesus name,   -amen.

Dear Professor Paul Davies, from (me!) sandra, tvgp

regarding through the wormhole..  yes!  i was most intrigued with your segment of the program.  specifically these theories mentioned:

the introduction to the segment itself:

-What has yet to happen effects what's happening now..

-could the ultimate destiny of the cosmos effect what's possible in the here and now?

And your thought.. That what happens in the future 'reaches back' in time and effects what's happening in the present.


I say,  -you are on to something!  please read my prior post..

I have no doubt the future is question is how far into the future.. So I like the wording above.. 'The ultimate destiny of the cosmos..'

I think my Oprah scheduling a guest analogy is quite similar to you at the anniversary dinner.  -once something is scheduled in the future.. And you arrive at that event in the now, which you scheduled in the past..

All decisions were in service to honoring/keeping what you had scheduled..  so yes, a future event on the calendar does in fact 'reach back' and effect what is happening in the here and now..

let's bring God and the Bible in...   in case you have not been properly introduced

/as many science~types seem to have their heads in different books and social life's in different circles.. But!   Check it out when you get a chance..

there are MANY references to... MANY uses of the word:

Predestined.     -and we are all in agreement about what that means.

The Bible actually supports your theories; imagine that.

And.. common belief/understanding among Christians is: "The victory has already been won"


I think.. The single most important word in your entire segment is:


my understanding of your way of thinking, based on the kids not skipping class analogy in the program..

you eliminate any opportunity for free will in your theory.   Lean toward -determinism.

I think..  free will is the most precious, most valuable gift included within the human masterpiece..

without it.. We are all as you say.. Robots with a specific future going through the motions and fulfilling a specific destiny.

But I believe.. have certainly come to believe  -having existed both in the secular and in the Christian..  and having observed, learned some about other faith systems..

that there exists more than one 'ultimate destiny'..

and there are a myriad of potential PATHWAYS which lead one to a specific destiny within a myriad of potential destinies..

but we can at all times only be on one given pathway.. and then DECISIONS serve as GPS.. and redirect or propel us forward on a given path..

But I believe in free will..  opportunities to change pathways..  opportunities to change ultimate destinies..   let's think of the saying 'I see you headed down the wrong path...'

..decision making is our steering wheel...

but..  how do we make decisions.. And what is all this nonsense about 'following your heart'.   'Listening to your gut'.   Honoring your instincts..

or the internal experience of knowing that you are overriding your heart, your gut, your intuition...

I see within human beings the opportunity to experience and practice choice-making which can either   -to its extreme, destroy or create a beautiful life..

I think a lot on how much, how often, how deeply, lives are transformed by the love of Jesus..   when Jesus serves as an individuals lord and savior..   guide.  -the internal changes are real.

the results are..  phenomenal.   but free will allows for the opportunity.. it is not a mandate.  We are not robots..

I think there is more than one ultimate destiny for each individual.. and that destiny can either be..  Good or.. not so good in both the here.. And the ever after.

when you combine knowledge of the human spirit (soul) with the witnessing of lives which were on one path.. Headed in one direction.. And then conscious decisions are made which redirect..and change the path..  Improve it..

I'm skipping to another common Christian understanding.. God straightens crooked paths..   creates a way where there was no way..

life pathways.. 

and there is an internal knowing when people 'surrender to Gods will' vs. their own..

Gods design..  Vs. Their own..    -amazing things happen! 

I believe we are in fact -deciding.  And some pathways are much more rewarding than others..  Some pathways are of much greater service to humanity than others..   we do have more than one potential destiny..    and we are both flesh and spirit..  And there is a great difference between people who walk in the flesh vs. Walk in the spirit..

and the future for those who walk in the spirit is..  Much lighter.

-more thoughts later, but yes..  More than one potential future is reaching back in time and effecting the here and now.

God has predestined everyone for glory and life ever after..

but not everyone chooses God.

In Jesus name,   amen!

Wednesday, May 06, 2015

thoughts on time travel.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

now I'm fresh off.. in the middle of.. Watching a taped recording of through the worm hole with Morgan freeman..

-which, by the ironic way, allows me to watch. Stop. Rewind. And fast forward a program already created and watch it in the

Or pause. Use the rest room.. Grab a bite in the kitchen.. Return and watch some more.

-the point is.. we are already time traveling all the time!  we just don't identify it that way..  But the opposite of time travel, if you

everything/everyone only conscious of; living in the spontaneity of the perpetual now to the exclusion of any past or future moment.

but in viewing taped television I am simultaneously now visiting past experiences    -so they are in the twice past... 


tomorrow I will rewatch the whole thing to capture one great line.. Something like,

How the future   -which already exists..  Is therefore dictating the very decisions you are making write now..   which makes our decision making all jus an illusion..

while I don't buy entirely Into that..  A wonderful analogy came to mind to support it:

let's say Oprah schedules a guest for an interview in the future.

I.e.,  anne lamott for December.  And it is now may.

That IS a form of future time travel.   Since Anne is on the calendar for a given day..

every decision thereafter is based around that forgiven conclusion.

By the time Anne's interview occurs in live time in December; it will in fact be true that this future event dictated itself...  and any decisions/experiences prior to, were in line with... and contributing toward
this moment.  the future very influenced by the past.


it is good to consider the opposite of time travel.. In the opposite of time travel you do not schedule anything in a future date.. In the opposite of time travel you only exist in the now.

in the opposite of time travel there is no past or future.

in the opposite of time travel you have no memories and no hope.

-these 3 categories: past, present, future; they do all exist; ~all the time.

I'm grateful for this program and the inspired opportunity to re-perceive how we currently think of time.

-the same way I know we are spirits inside human containers; is the same way I know the future IS knowable..

-my own personal out of body experience allowed me complete knowledge of a (me!) Separate from my physical body.  That experience is so cemented in my memory experience that I don't even need confirmation from anyone; and I easily ignore nay sayers because I know what I know...

-same, with future being knowable..  My own personal experience..  Having words come out of my mouth "I wonder what its like when a hummingbird dies?".  -and then one or so days after, having a hummingbird come slowly hover around us and then die..

equally cemented in my memory experience.  -the only explanation is that the future was predictable..

And I have had a number of premonitions in dreams..  

so!  either the future is knowable.. Or, ...  What?   my question for a long time now, is not 'is the future knowable?'.   I believe it is.  MY question is..

how FAR into the future?

my other time travel analogy is..  the experience of typing on a slow word processor..

the majority of people who have had their hands on computer have had the experience of typing a word on the keyboard...

And then waiting a second or two before the letter shows up on the screen in front of you..

You did already type it.   Now you just wait to see it..

so.. The time from typing a letter to seeing it appear.. This can be tampered, manipulated significantly to drive the point home.


I remain irritated by any/all of these shows where they show only people/events going in reverse to demonstrate going 'back in time'

for anything/anyone to go back in time.. ALL must go back together..

that is; the planet itself would need to rotate in reverse..  and the fly on the wall.. And the flush of the toilet..

I'm curious how they represent one person going back and forth while everything around him or her remains on Pacific, or eastern or western or mountain time..

They start from the premise that people/events are each entirely separate..

maybe its just another lack of vocabulary problem ...

By time; what do you mean..exactly?


I sometimes consider.. The saying, 'travel through time'.  And wonder if there is any truth..

Our perception is that time is ongoing.. And we are born, live, die within motion also..

but I wonder if time maybe really does stand still; and we move through it?


lastly..a  Revisit on my thoughts regarding how we, humans, perceive time as going by fast or slow..

in order for us to determine a slow car from a car going faster.. We need two cars.. We need something to compare it too..

in our conscious awareness of time; the feeling of an hour going by like 5 minutes; or an hour feeling like a whole day..

to what is it being compared?  If time has its own speed; like light has a speed..

then when our conscious awareness is going the same speed or faster...  or when it is behind...

That's what I think is going on..  And when we 'lose track of time' its because we are traveling at the same speed...


I don't know, I just like to think about it..

Monday, May 04, 2015

thoughts on gender.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I am fresh off watching Oprah's interview with a...

woman.  yes.   woman.

-still processing..   so, .. genders do in fact exist.. boy/girl; man; woman..

but this apparently has nothing to do with anatomy.   Penis = boy. Vagina = girl.  Is false.   -according to this interview...

Gender; that is,  being a boy or girl..  has to do with WHAT YOU FEEL LIKE INSIDE; INTERNALLY.  and those internal  ~feelings, instinctually guide you toward what our cultures define as feminine vs. masculine.

Anatomy identifies male or female on the outside; physical container only; not the internal spirit...

I think the entire problem is with our lack of vocabulary.. and lack of knowledge/ understanding of the internal self within the physical body..

But as always, always, always..  It is very crystal clear we each

1. Have an internal spiritual self separate from physical
And more importantly..  A way of knowing..! Interpreting what the truth of that internal self is...   Even if we never tell another soul..

How fascinating are human beings!!

In Jesus name..   Amen!

Sunday, May 03, 2015

Happy Birthday to...(my dad!) -from (me!)

In honor of his birthday, I will share one of his jokes..  -told very recently to me upon learning I visit a blog by a photographer in Finland.

***    see how his mind (all of our minds) work. ****  if I say "hot dog," he has a hot dog poem..   When I said "Finland" it reminded him immediately of this funny little story:

"There was a mountain.

On the top of the mountain there was a house of ill repute.

There was one man at the top of the mountain.
There was one man climbing up the mountain.
There was one man on his way down.

-based on that information  -can you tell me the nationalities of the three men?"

/this is where I just smile and wait for the punchline.

"Well,  the man on top..  Him~a~layan.
  And the man on his way up..   he's a' Russian..
And the man on his way down..

he Finnish.


/and that's the part where I just crack up..  And try to remember it so I can tell my postman friend who speaks the same language..

but I can never remember.

Exactly why I blog.


" Happy Birthday Dad!  You're the Best!  Love you!"