Tuesday, February 18, 2020

Always Write. (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I will never have the evidence to prove I have done the most writing of anyone in the world; it just sometimes feels like I have

I do know, I have destroyed, shred, more handwritten pages of writing than most people will write in their whole lives

but I am talking strictly about quantity  -and not at all about quality.


I can see more clearly each year, and especially as I declutter/reorganize again..   the amount of writing I did just for the sake of writing

some seems under the influence of neuroses; an obsessive, compulsive type thing

sometimes i'm really trying to process something..

sometimes its just brain vomit..

the list goes on.

sometimes if I couldn't find a clean piece of paper, I would just write over my own writing from a previous writing session


imagine if you handwrote every word from every conversation you have with others, plus with yourself, plus your every thought


it is just too much!  so unnecessary...    of no value...


but then I have writing that actually has some type of value; beauty, truth, poetry, humor, something of value from an entertainment standpoint, or to encourage or help others..

to help people see things they didn't see on their own; think about things they wouldn't otherwise think about, etc.


so, I keep going paper by paper...  shred this, keep that...   shred this, and that, keep this and that..


and I asked squidmann (leonardstegmann.blogspot.com) this very morning..  whether there would ever be a time..  could he ever foresee a time/circumstance when he would re-publish his posts and my comments from his blog   -it is nine years worth

and for the nine years I read and responded...    I treasure my comments in this way:   it is not writing of mine that I would shred

it would go in the keep files,

because it was playful and fun and healthy writing..     in response to playful and fun and healthy posts he wrote.

it demonstrates everything of value:   craft. humor. beauty. truth. friendship. love of reading/love of writing..

  it is among my prayers to have them accessible again.

remember how they went unpublished?    how I thought a terrible virus came along and disappeared all his posts and all my comments...  9 years worth!?!

only to learn that he unpublished them consciously; on purpose..

because when he turned his blog posts into collections; into published print books  -the rule was that you could not also have your writing available online anywhere.  he had to choose.

and now I think he has like, 18 books out, but no more blog...


and "congratulations!" on those books for sure!          but I still pray...

in Jesus name,   amen.

"..SOLID GROUND..." as sung by (me!) ~tops

there is a song by the temptations, which is so..

funky & fun

it literally demands to be danced to.   and on the occasions I've heard it over the years a nightclub here, or party over there

honey, I do not even wait for someone to ask me to dance; I just get out there and start movin


prior to meeting Robert, my sexy..    I sang would lip-sync the lyrics as they were written; but truth be told, I never, you know, liked or appreciated the lyrics with the same enthusiasm/response I had for the beat, the melody..

so, I just change the lyrics now, and when I was makin' breakfast for my sexy yesterday, and the song came on, I shared it out loud   -my editing

so, I danced and cooked and sang, and instead of singin'   i'm standing on shakey ground, every since you put me down

i lip-sync

"i'm standing on solid ground...    ever since you came around"


and how very grateful i am!    for Robert, for good music and good food..  and our first bike ride picnic of the 2020 season

we say, 'start of picnic season..  continuation of due~season'

In Jesus Trustworthy Name!   ~amen.

The Heart Seen Newest, Coolest Contributions

Mussel Shells at Grey Whale Cove!

per email from squidmann & spike:

Okay, this must be one of the larger hearts in your collection. This is Cupid Row in San Bruno. I think it qualifies because I don’t think the heart-shape of the street was intentional. Here’s also an article that gives more info. You should do a pilgrimage to here!


and via a friend of squidmann & spikes:   from Joshua Tree Park

"thank you!"


and, from carole!    the heart seen on its side on the fallin' oak at alden lane.   and now,  that was a heart break too..    last sunday we had fierce winds in this area

I was not working that day, I was having a wonderful mother/daughter day with my daughter..  pedicures, massages, lunch, shopping; a great visit!  but during my drive to pick her up, and our drive together, I was feeling my jeep moved by the wind on the freeway, dodging giant tumble weeds, broken branches, whole trees.. etc.

I had shared my concern..  i wonder how the oaks are holding up at alden lane?

and as it turns out, all but one held out very well.

but one did get claimed by fierce winds, and it also claimed the life of our giant bear that people enjoyed taking pictures of, or pictures with..

my co-worker friend kim,   "thank you!",   took and shared the picture above, and she shared how she saw some irony..  when you see the native California sign + bear crushed + fallen tree..

it all kinda symbolizes what is actually going on around here..     native Californians being pushed/forced out by the weight of taxes, cost of living, traffic, stresses...

I can only agree.


with love for all things Alden Lane, and all things California, with gratitude for our mother/daughter day..   and in prayer for strength and ways to helpfully contribute in the aftermath of unfortunate events


and this treasure trove sent to me via email from (carol newman!) who received them via email from a friend, who received them via a friend..   i'm not sure how many and exactly who to thank, but wow! these are great!

In Jesus Trustworthy name,  ~amen!

Sunday, February 16, 2020

WITNESS THIS by (me!) sandra, tvgp

  -and so we popped in a local strip mall where I could use the ATM to deposit some bday I received  "thank you!"

and we crossed paths with Justin, a former neighbor of Robert's

and now if you want to project.. to profile... to stereotype..

you would look at Justin's tattooed covered body, notice gestures and body language that would have you thinkin'    -in and out of prison or a gang or something...

and the thing is

you'd be write!     Justin has been in and out of prison

but he's also been saved!

rescued and restored.   a new creature.    thriving not just surviving

and Robert re-introduced us, me to Justin, Justin to me..  we've met one or two times before.  And Robert always goes out of his way to compliment Justin..   "you're a success story man, I'm so proud of you, the way you turned your life around"

and then he discussed how being a deputy for 26+ years..  he didn't get to see a lot of success stories; mostly a lot of return customers if you will,


Robert mentioned to Justin about me...  how I had been through so much..   and how, I'm a new creature; how God rescued and restored me..

and Robert is GREAT about saying how happy he is since he met me..   what a wonderful woman, mom, girlfriend I am..  how much he loves me and our life together

and then offered to say a prayer

write there in the middle of the mall..   just a few steps from the ATM machine..

we gathered together closer

put our arms around one another, and Robert said the most beautiful encouraging prayer over us; all of us and our loved ones

and i had my own prayer going too; a silent one..

i was recognizing the greater moment; the greater testimony

because you can put the people God rescues and restores in two main primary categories

 innocent victims

guilty perpetrators

and it is my experience God has, is, does, will, rescue and restore anyone who sincerely asks, and is willing to put in some effort

whether someone did you wrong; or you yourself did the wrong

you can be rescued and restored.

Justin and I are kind of perfect examples of both sides of the spiritual spectrum it seemed to me..

but our lives are witness


if only you could have access to the numbers!!  the number of lives..    damaged/injured

the severity

the depths of loss, pain, hurt

if only you could have access to the actual number of people each and every day, every week, every year, every generation

healed!   healed!   new creature!   new life!    thriving not surviving!   moving forward...

and if only you could see, know and experience what I see, know and experience

-just how often the common denominator for success stories is


Hallelujah!  & Amen!

Deepest, Darkest Fantasies, for (me!) sandra, tvgp

deepest:   I would enter inside every. single. patient waiting room/lobby within Kaiser Hospitals  -all hospitals   -and anywhere/everywhere they have a TV with the news playing non-stop

having already health compromised/stressed human beings listen about murders, robberies, violence, fires, global issues they are in no position to do anything about, and commercial after commercial..  all while waiting themselves, or for a loved one,  to see a doctor or have a surgery

all of those channels would be OFF

and maybe we just need music..    and instrumentals only, because if you listen to some of the lyrics..  yikes!  

but if you were to have to watch something while you are waiting to be seen by the doctor..

how 'bout something like this:     Michigan marching band future recruit    /fantasy!  /wish I could spare you the commercials.


darkest:   I've actually visualized this several times on the movie screen in my mind.  it's kinda gross..  but it's never been done; ever!    and i'm very highly curious

what would happen if the rapist in the prison cell had to watch a video, like every day for weeks, or months or a full year

and the video was of me purchasing junk food, going into the swish ritual that was my life for a while..    spitting the liquified contents in cups..   filling them up...    emptying the cups in slow motion down the garbage disposal..

just loop that video and the rapist much watch...  over and over

until it sinks in..     the impact of the crime.


deepest, darkest fantasies...    in Jesus Name!   amen

Saturday, February 15, 2020

speaking of love... (me!) sandra, tvgp

from the archives:

"What is my definition of God?" (Me!) Sandra, tvgp

"Oprah.. I love this question too!".  I've written many times,  accumulating my definition. Let me see if I can bullet point.
God IS love.   Love IS God.
-one in the same.   God is omnipresent; as love is omnipresent.
as I wrote about recently..  You cannot open a map and point to love; you cannot talk to love on the phone; or put a picture of love in your wallet.  You can put an icon of; but not love itself; only a representation..  Love IS.   (Same as 'I AM).   Love is everywhere without beginning or end. Omnipresent and eternal.
we KNOW whether or not we are loved via an internal interpretation; of a 'feeling'.  /for lack of vocabulary.
I believe we are made from love, with love and our purpose is to  love and be loved.   Nothing
and no one
would exist without love;
could exist without love;
should exist without love.
my greatest insight into understanding the omnipresence of God; of love,  came during a prayerful walk
I was invited to describe my own 'I AM's
So,  I am Sandra, I am a sister, I am a daughter, I am a mom, I am an aunt... I am creative, I am an employee...  (Long list)
and God said, "I AM.
I am God. I am Love
I am you. I am that tree.  I am the air you breathe. I am space. I am time (infinite list).
so, the same way love just.. Is.   And we experience love through people; it is an interpretation of an internal experience we both give and receive through relationships with others..
But we KNOW it..  That is, I KNOW who I love..  I KNOW when I feel loved by another..   It is a KNOWING. (Vs. Guess, belief)
The ability to recognize, interpret, KNOW,  -experience LOVE
The omnipresent Life giving; life validating, life affirming, and healing power of LOVE.  <------------ definition="" god.="" is="" my="" nbsp="" of="" p="" that="" then="">
God is spirit; not flesh or material.. As love and peace and joy are spirits; not things.  Experiences; intangible.
this leads to Jesus..  but even if we  -for the sake of inclusion-   remove Jesus and Christianity and remain secular
Everyone KNOWS about LOVE;   -write.
There IS such a thing as LOVE.
There IS such a thing as TRUTH.
so,   -there IS such a thing as True Love.
Happy valentines and amen!

from the archives

I did not have my children so they could help me on the farm.
I did not have my children so they could help me with technology.
I did not have my children so they could support me in old age.
I did not have my children because I accidentally got pregnant.
I did not have my children to  -trap, or try and keep a man.
I did not have my children because it was socially, or religiously or culturally mandated.

I had my children, because I believe life, human life

is a miraculous gift and love

is very much worth living for.

I did it for the experience of love; and can testify

it is even more wonderful than I ever could have imagined.

   -God, so loved the world...

so LOVED the world..

 -if you are a person of faith, who believes in God..

you know immediately, that God did not create humans to intellectually,  financially or emotionally or technologically support him

what can a human born on earth do for the creator? that the creator cannot obviously do himself...

this narrows it down...

and would you like me to speak again,  -some more about LOVE

how it is omnipresent..  infinite.  never runs out...  ever!
how it is not a limited resource we have to fight over...

how the mom in that country can love her child so deeply, so completely, so utterly

but that huge amount of love experienced/shared by that mom does not mean the mom on the other side of the world, now has less..

how it expands and grows..

how it is we even know  -we love someone; the internal experience, understood, known, interpreted


and, how God IS Love..          ~inside us.

and all around us...           everywhere.   unlimited, infinite resource

that unlike any other resource..    expands with use.    there is not one pile of love, that gets spread thin, you see

or runs out.   or must be rationed.

there is always plenty and plenty more

where love comes from...

for those who don't believe in God..

I would not waste a second arguing, or trying to convince, or persuade

because LOVE is a spiritual LAW that applies to all of humanity; not a specific faith or lack of faith system.    .it is like the sky

do you love anyone?   isn't it fantastic!

that is plenty.

and there is plenty more..