Thursday, February 27, 2014

"I cannot catch my breath!" (me!) Sandra, tvgp

..his writing is so good...

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

THAT IS JUST PLAIN FUNNY.. By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

More treasures from operation ultimate declutter...

TREE MAJESTIC february 2014 by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

This year I intend to get at least one picture of her each month of the year.  She changes so subtley and dramatically at the same time.    /subtle..  That's another one of those words!  A silent B..?.. Really?  Who made the rules? 

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

The Heart Seen.. In mercer cavern...

From my (squidmann!)

The Heart Seen.. In a museum exhibit...

From my (squidmann!)

The Heart Seen.. In the shadow of a clover..

From my (squidmann!)

The Heart Seen.. In a piece of a sand dollar..

From my (squidmann!)

The Heart Seen.. In a scrunchie on the garage floor

From: my ( squidmann!)

Brain initiative subcommittee -by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Now, see what we have here: this young, kind, intelligent, wonderful teenage boy is severely self conscious because of his....   (Let's do multiple choice) a. Manners B. Grades c. Helpfulness d. Acne.

-and this adult male here..  Blowing cigarette smoke in an elderly woman's face, and throwing litter on the ground, and referring to every female that walks by as a bitch..   He! Is not self conscious at all.  Film him and show it to the world..  He doesn't -care-

Back to the wonderful boy preoccupied by what people must think of his acne.. 

Back to the adult male..

SO:  your task in this subcommittee is to understand the roots of self consciousness.. What creates it?  How can we uncreate and create it to the benefit of all mankind?

How do we, in our culture, have so many people hyper self conscious about looks/appearance.. And other segments not in the least self conscious about their behavior?

Where is that -care- neuron in the human brain?  How can we re-wire and make connections so that people care about one another?  Not over-care about appearance and under-care about behavior?

Our culture is not fixed; but majority does seem to rule..  What message is the majority of TV, books, Movies, commercials, conversations, products, video games, technology, etc.,  Sending/selling?  

Identify/define: culture.  We have macro: western culture..  For example, and then..  Micro: the culture of your home, school, Individual classrooms, church, place of work, neighborhood...

This should keep you busy for a while:  self consciousness and culture:  origin? Influence? Ability to change? Link between the two..

Write now it appears to me, the current culture we live in, attacks and undermines self-worth for a couple or a few decades, and then the balance -the next 20 years- or so, are spent trying to un-do the damage..  But what if we can PREVENT the damage being done in the first place?   -how much more powerful each individual and our societies could become..

That's what I'm thinking about today.  You?

"Lunch" @ ricks picks. Photo by (julia!)

Monday, February 24, 2014

"Accessories" @ ricks picks -photo by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

"Thank You!" From (me!) Sandra, tvgp

HOLY EXPLOITATION for (me!) Sandra, tvgp

This would be longer if I weren't restricted to using my phone to type it. How I pray: Dear Jesus.. Orchestrate my every step. You are my life coach, parenting coach, relationship expert, editor, publisher, employer, publicist, map, compass, guide, rock, redeemer,.. (This list goes on..). Shower us (us = my loved ones, and everyone) with your love, blessings, favor, protection, (another long list) and eventually... "Thank you! Help Me! And Wow!".  -so, I am not copying, but have arrived at the same spiritual place as anne lamott you see, - and countless others.  But my point today: until recently I have only heard and ever used the word 'exploit' in a negative way..  First thing to surface is the way young girls are so often 'exploited' by media.  But.. I found myself recently thanking God for the way I have felt.. Spiritually exploited, - for the good.  Let me explain:  without the invitation to read a poem at the interfaith service.. I would have never finished the poem that was floating around in my mind.. 'Tell him I said thank you'.  -and I'm grateful I completed it.  -without the poet laureate position and invitation to create an event at the firehouse theatre for Feb, -I would have never created 'kissin the chocolate blues'...  And I am tremendously grateful for the completion of that endeavor.   -without an invitation to speak at the pen women meeting...   I would not have read, one of my favorite stories to read aloud.. '_the fake tow truck car stealing operation,  -and without the upcoming invitation to read/speak for the Stanford Women of the east bay book club, I may have never actually finished my work in progress: '21 Reasons I love to blog'   -and none of this possible without Charlotte severin..  So when I remember that God works through people, I realize he is working through Charlotte Severin.. One of my earth angels.. And creatively exploiting creative work out of me.  -this is what it feels like.  -because it might not be in me to initiate, or pursue.. But it is in me to accept and respond. God knows...  And like the worlds greatest coach.. He won't ask you to become something you're not, but will see your strengths/weaknesses and place you where you can do the most good for the team.  -also.. I will be moving again very soon.. This is going to FORCE me, to get rid of more stuff.. I made some progress in this area a few months ago, and then stopped. Another thing I've noticed about God..  He likes to keep things moving...  But my dream..!.. Having moved 7 times in just the past 18 years.. And 20 plus times before that... My dream, my highest prayer these days is to have ONE place I can call my own, and call; 'my home.'.   -_what a deep longing I have for stability.  In Jesus name,  -amen! 

PUBLIC SPEAKING REPORT CARD for (me!) Sandra, tvgp

1996:  85 hours preparing for a ten minute presentation.
2014:  10 hours to prepare for an upcoming 1 hour presentation!

That my fellow public speaking phobics is called PROGRESS!   In Jesus name,  -amen!

Saturday, February 22, 2014

A RIDE ON JESUS SHOULDERS for (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Exactly as I experienced it in my dream/vision last night, and this morning, on my imaginations movie screen:  I am inside a baseball field, with a glove on and have just successfully caught a fast ball. Jesus (the kind faced Jesus, not the 'hot' Jesus from recent series) says to me, 'put the glove and ball down. You do not belong in this game'.  -and then he lifted me up on his shoulders.. And carried me, to the bleachers..  Where he sat me down.. And the sun shined directly on my smiling face.  My internal experience was one of joy, happiness,  and peace.   -I do not need anyone's help translating this dream...  "Thank you! Jesus!".  Amen.

More Ribbons, Ties & Bows for (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I've parted ways with my handsome prince. I know it is the write thing to do.. We each have children/families -higher obligations/responsibilities than romance.  But I sure do say "Thank You Jesus!" For this relationship!  -for me, the combination of chemistry/compatibility is a rare, rare thing..   But it turns out, that it was too hard on my spirit to be bounced around from his place to carols..  And living together is not a possibility write now.. So I started to feel like a friend with benefits, slash, dog sitter, -when he traveled..  And I don't have the skill set for either of those positions.   So..  There you have it.  I consider myself blessed to know him... And we part amicably and press on..  In Jesus name.  Amen.






Wednesday, February 19, 2014

LOVE THE VIEW from 48, (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Now, it became quite official today.. This very morning, that I had to switch to the large print Bible. I can no longer read the regular small font print in any literature. So, let's add that on to the series of physical changes that occur -sometimes gradually, sometimes suddenly, along the way. Ice cream and small font, for example; -no more. But when I talk about the amazing view from age 48.. It has very little to do with what I can -see- with my eyes.. Although I had a recent scare which heightened in an extreme way my gratitude to God for my ability to see.. Everything I have thus been able to, and can currently.. See! Just being able to take things in with your eyes,everyday, from people, to facial expressions, to the landscape, sky, sun, depth, contrast, color.. Space.. Being able to read! See and take pictures! Share.. What a gift! What a gift! "thank you Jesus!". -and now, let me return to my initial point: I mean how I can see things now.. With my heart and mind and my Imagination. I can see what mistakes I've made along the way.. I can see now, how I was once so manipulated by mass media and culture.. I can see my own, and others peoples egos, insecurities, doubts, moods, behaviors under stress, selfish and/or altruistic goals, -I can see more clearly, the mind games people play, -and under what circumstances, I can see my own, and other people's hidden motivations.. I can see soil and roots, where I once could only see the plant; dead or alive. I can see traps.. Others get caught in, and/or others lay in front of me. I can spot emotional land mines.. I can see and feel -love- now.. Pure. Unselfish. the Love of God.. I can see, with my heart and mind, all the beauty, and miracles, and magical, amazing things that happen everyday; write before our very eyes.. And live now, with a chronic, unstoppable, deep appreciation for every. Single. Blessing. Big or small. Life is not passing (me!) by.. I am fully alive and engaged. I can see how God has been with me every step of my journey, is with me write now..and eternally, on earth, and will welcome me one day in heaven. The ability to live with such a clear view.. And deep gratitude. - I wonder if a computer robot can be programmed to accomplish such a thing? We'd have no choice but to call that accomplishment a masterpiece, would we? -the human being who creates a human like being.. In Jesus Name.. I press on. Amen!

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

EMBARRASSING MOMENT #8793 for (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Memory triggered by Leonard stegmann's, The Garage Door and The Toilet Seat, blog posted today: k, and the memory is from a long time ago, but that's the thing about embarrassing moments, write.. Feels like it could have been just yesterday. What happened is this: I was dating a certain someone.. And/or, -certainly dating someone; both are true. And had to use the restroom.. (elegantly speaking), in his.. Very, very, super quiet, suddenly frighteningly silent home. I did not realize until I had to go to the bathroom (casually speaking), just how frickin' quiet it was all around me.. No music. No TV. No fan in this bathroom!? -I realized the only noise had been us.. Talking. Talking, talking. Talking.. Until I said "where can I find your restroom?" -k, so I followed his directions and it was a lovely restroom, yes it was.. All clean, with fluffy but masculine colored towels hanging from a very fancy wooden towel hanger thing..That of course, matched the floor rug. And what look like a very expensive mirror, framed in gold. And a darling little plant; real, not fake. And the most important thing of all.. /and first thing to check: TWO PLY toilet paper! All good.. Except the damn silence! My God.. You could hear everything! Closing the door seemed loud, and when I lifted the toilet seat, that seemed loud.. And as I unzipped my pants and wiggled them down.. I was like, .. This feels like such an invasion of privacy! -and the thought of him sitting out there listening to an amplified version of my pee streaming into the water below.. Well, it was just a little too awkward for someone like me. I employed my friends trick for these awkward moments, which involves turning the water from the sink on, to drown out the noise from the other faucet, so to speak. we had shared two bottles of wine between us, so I was in there for.. Too loud and long a time for sure. -but the water was already on when it was time to wash my hands, so that was good. "I survived!". And then, it seems there is a few awkward seconds of locking eyes again when you've returned from the bathroom, but I survived that too.. And eventually our conversation continued with the same energy and momentum it had before... And wouldn't it be just terrific if THAT was my embarrassing moment. It was not. My embarrassing moment came the next morning /which suggests accurately that he won me over with his charming story telling... -yes.. The next morning I had not only to go pee in his giant, house of utter silenceness -but I had to poo too.. And this was more than I could bear. For some reason the thought of him listening to the big kurplunk when my shit hit the river.. Too much. But nor could I, -hold it in. -have you heard me describe myself before as an idiot savant? I'm joking of course, but to exaggerate the ways in one day I can go from feeling or sounding like a genius to.. Feeling and sounding like I'm mentally challenged.. Well, -I had a savant moment.. !.... -because what if, I pour some water in the toilet! And then my shit will not have so far to travel.. And therefore the sound of the BIG SPLASH will be reduced! And so that's exactly what I did. And "it worked!". Until I went to wipe.. In which case my hand went for quite an unexpected swim in the big bowl of .. You know what. And so I sat there.. And had to laugh. -realized that perhaps someone had already figured out how much water a toilet bowl should hold, at what level, for what reason. But then I was stuck again trying to explain to my date.. What was so funny in his bathroom?

Saturday, February 15, 2014

The Heart Seen... Fosters freeze parking lot, downtown danville

My mom surprised me on my birthday.. Showed up at ricks picks and treated me to lunch.. "I love you too!" Xoxo

Treasured memory..

"Princess Allie!" In a "Mag Time Frame!" Created by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

-take two:

"WE DID IT!" by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

KISSIN' THE CHOCOLATE BLUES: I'm so pleased; so happy... The response to our on stage valentine made all the time and effort worth while. And it's not so much what people had to say... Although their words were very encouraging; but rather it was the expression on their faces as they said kind things.. Like, "wow!" and "Dr Maya Angelou HAS TO SEE THIS!... Has she seen this? Did someone tape it?". One person said.. "the whole world needs to see this.. It can't be a one time thing". Another kind person said she was going to be writing Oprah.. In short, the feedback was very positive. "I already liked Maya Angelou.. But now I love her even more" another person said. -so beautiful to hear.. "THANK YOU!". And, several people have asked, (who didn't attend), "how many people were there?" here's the thing.. With only a week to go.. We had only sold 11 tickets.. I found that disheartening.. Everyone (especially Andrea) put some more time and effort into selling tickets via publicity and I believe there were 50 something sold.. Plus add in firehouse volunteers who stayed after their work to help fill in seats.. So we didn't perform for a full house.. But I already locked it in my heart and mind through prayer: the write people would be there, for the write reasons.. All according to God's will. Now, BRAGGING WRITES: FAITH ALPHER!!! Part of me wishes everyone could have sat in on our very first rehearsal/ dry read, so you too, could appreciate the growth, the evolution.. All I can tell you is that.. When Faith hit the stage for the actual performance.. "Wow! Wow! Wow!" -perfect for my Dr Maya Angelou! She had such a powerful, engaging, wonderful presence and I could tell she had completely -connected- to the words, the story, the poems.. faith moved that audience! Reached them.. Touched them.. Stirred them.. And I was experiencing her magic, but when the audience applauded at the conclusion of some of her readings in the middle of the performance.. I knew they were experiencing her magic too. -so exciting! and I provided the story.. But I had nothing to do with what faith would wear.. Her outfits/wardrobe; that was entirely left up to her, and I knew nothing in advance.. So to look over and see her choices in the moment/live! -that was exciting too.. I LOVED everything so came up with.. The black dress, the scarf, jacket, hat.. How many wardrobe changes? Not sure.. But she seem to land it perfectly: outfit to the lines/scenes or poems she was reading. And what awesome readings! Featured poems included Phenomenal Woman, On The Pulse of the Morning, and Still I Rise.. It is my humble and personal opinion, unbiased by friendship or admiration, untainted by flattery; that she nailed every poem! Audible comments/applause from the audience suggested I was not alone in thinking so. JESSICA REABER: there is no quantifying how much her beautiful voice and music enriched the performance..but I'm so grateful! Having her voice and guitar at the onset.. Something about it puts me immediately at ease, at peace. The way she played so soulfully in the background of On The Pulse of the Morning.. That was their, faith/jessicas idea.. And I love it so much I don't even want to read a poem without music in the background anymore. It's like they belong together, always. And to close the performance with her singing Suddenly I see.. Powering out the lyrics.. "she's got the power to be, the power to give, the power to see, yeah, yeah, yeah..!" I found out, to my surprise, this was jessica's first -official- gig, so to speak. I'm very honored! /no one ever forgets their first.. And I'll thank again here, Adam gillanders, My scary hooded man.. Andrea gillanders/Julie di Egan -flyers, publicity, program, feedback, rehearsals, meals and more..Jennifer Koch, and the volunteers.. Thanks for staying! Lights/sound thank you to mike Roberts and Greg Van Dyke.. Welcome host.. Mark duncanson.. And by the way.. After the show he said to me, "just want to tell you.. I've never seen a poetry event get a standing ovation before". -way cool. And then of course big "thank you!" to my family, friends.. And everyone who bought a ticket and helped make this dream of mine come true... You were a wonderful and much appreciated audience! With love, for my Dr Maya Angelou.. in Jesus Name, amen.

The Heart Seen... In cortney's fingernail!

How cool is that?  Love this one!

Friday, February 14, 2014

"Princess Allie!" In a "Mag Time Frame!" For (me!) Sandra, tvgp

  -damn it!  Just wrote several paragraphs inspired by this picture sent to me...  And they up and disappeared!  -too tired, frustrated, to figure out what happened and type it all again write now.. But "thank you!" Mary..  One of my favorite birthday/valentines 'thinking of you' gifts!  Xoxoxo back to you! 

"The big dipper" seen by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I swear I just spotted the big dipper in the popcorn ceiling... /its too dark out to see the shape in clouds... 

"That's my Girl!" by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

She melted my heart.. She said,"okay auntie sandy, you stand over here," -and she placed me with both hands on the corner, showing me where I was supposed to stand, "and I'm going to go over there," -and she pointed across the street, and then she said, " and you watch me pass out flyers and you say, 'that's my girl! That's my niece! That's my Sarah!". -which I was more than willing and proud to do. Helped me realize, how hungry we all are sometimes for just some words of encouragement. Including (me!) because I found myself saying something so similar in prayer to Jesus before my recent performance: "k Jesus.. I'm going to go out there on that stage... And It would sure be great if I could hear you say.. "that's my girl! That's my Sandra!...". Amen.

What.. If -you- had invented Love? Asks (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I'm aching for a stretch of time to write.. About the experience and response to Kissin The Chocolate Blues..  About valentines.. And about my birthday.. How much I love the view -from 48.  How much clearer I can see -everything!   But my schedule won't allow me to sit and write, just yet...  Until then: "Thank You!!! Jesus!!!". Amen. /picture below text'd to me from my handsome prince.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

"It's TONIGHT!" Grateful (me!) Sandra, tvgp..

For everyone contributing their time and talent. Praise Jesus!

Monday, February 10, 2014

"Oh! I LOVE THIS PARAGRAPH!" by (Dr. Maya Angelou!)

Page 165. Soft cover: The Heart of a Woman.

Sunday, February 09, 2014

The Heart Seen.. In my kleenex!

Saturday, February 08, 2014

"Shelf life" photo by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

DUBLIN CRUSH from (ann mottola!)

"Metal pedals" @ ricks picks photo by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Friday, February 07, 2014

The Heart seen.. In my salad.. At (my mom's!) House

K, and a purple heart at that...

Thursday, February 06, 2014

Kissin' The Chocolate Blues.. In (the independent!) Xoxo

Wednesday, February 05, 2014

'More funny than the vagina monologues' says (new york times!)

"Starfish" @ ricks picks by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Tuesday, February 04, 2014

"Just arrived" @ ricks picks by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

The burden reward for (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Yes.. It feels worth repeating and needs re-vented:  how the reward for the hours I've devoted to writing a script. And rewriting said script.. Is the burden of the responsibility to get people to come see it.  I am whining for sure.. But seems to me two entirely different skill sets:  writing.  Promoting.    -the on stage valentine is one week from today.. Obviously I will do the best I can do, but..  1. I have not tried over the past several years to develop a following, so to speak. 2. Budget/resources/time are quite restricted.  3. I'm not even sure how to reach the potential audience for this type of event..   4.  I need "Help!".   Write now I'm just passing out flyers with a kind of desperate , pleading expression, "come see our show..".    Or "do you know ANYONE who might want to come see our show?  Anyone... ".       And I need to re-thank faith and julie here for their extra reach outs:  tickets to KKIQ, our local hometown station, and a reach out to the local high school administrators...    The thing is, even though the show has been significantly scaled down from my original vision..  It seems to me: better.   The way sometimes you don't want a bunch of people and flashing lights and theatrics when a singer sings..   You just want to enjoy the song.    It seems it has been divinely reduced and has evolved into a simpler, purer form.  Lastly..  I get stuck here sometimes: the flesh/spirit distinction:  how much time & effort to devote without falling into the striving too hard for things outside of my control trap.  I hear Joyce Meyer "do what you can do, and God will do what you cannot".  And so I say, well,  I can write.  I cannot necessarily get the seats filled.   -and just for the record: yes. I have anxiety. It is very present but it is the least amount I've ever had to battle.  And what an utterly fascinating interview my charlie rose had with scott stossel on the topic.  !    In Jesus name, amen

Sunday, February 02, 2014

The Heart Seen (and collected) from the (pleasanton ridge!)

Rain or shine: my daughter and I hiked in the rain.. The mud prevented us from reaching our traditional distance.. But we still managed a respectable hike.  I said, "our forefathers did this kind of thing in covered wagons with babies to feed..". She said, "i dont think I would have made it past iowa". Which got a good laugh out of me...  -and then Look what I found along the way...  And I didn't have my camera with me, so ... Brought it with me as a temporary keepsake...  .. My Lord, my rock, my redeemer...   Amen.

Saturday, February 01, 2014

"KISSIN' THE CHOCOLATE BLUES" (pleasanton weekly!)