EMBARRASSING MOMENT #8793 for (me!) Sandra, tvgp
Memory triggered by Leonard stegmann's, The Garage Door and The Toilet Seat, blog posted today: k, and the memory is from a long time ago, but that's the thing about embarrassing moments, write.. Feels like it could have been just yesterday. What happened is this: I was dating a certain someone.. And/or, -certainly dating someone; both are true. And had to use the restroom.. (elegantly speaking), in his.. Very, very, super quiet, suddenly frighteningly silent home. I did not realize until I had to go to the bathroom (casually speaking), just how frickin' quiet it was all around me.. No music. No TV. No fan in this bathroom!? -I realized the only noise had been us.. Talking. Talking, talking. Talking.. Until I said "where can I find your restroom?" -k, so I followed his directions and it was a lovely restroom, yes it was.. All clean, with fluffy but masculine colored towels hanging from a very fancy wooden towel hanger thing..That of course, matched the floor rug. And what look like a very expensive mirror, framed in gold. And a darling little plant; real, not fake. And the most important thing of all.. /and first thing to check: TWO PLY toilet paper! All good.. Except the damn silence! My God.. You could hear everything! Closing the door seemed loud, and when I lifted the toilet seat, that seemed loud.. And as I unzipped my pants and wiggled them down.. I was like, .. This feels like such an invasion of privacy! -and the thought of him sitting out there listening to an amplified version of my pee streaming into the water below.. Well, it was just a little too awkward for someone like me. I employed my friends trick for these awkward moments, which involves turning the water from the sink on, to drown out the noise from the other faucet, so to speak. we had shared two bottles of wine between us, so I was in there for.. Too loud and long a time for sure. -but the water was already on when it was time to wash my hands, so that was good. "I survived!". And then, it seems there is a few awkward seconds of locking eyes again when you've returned from the bathroom, but I survived that too.. And eventually our conversation continued with the same energy and momentum it had before... And wouldn't it be just terrific if THAT was my embarrassing moment. It was not. My embarrassing moment came the next morning /which suggests accurately that he won me over with his charming story telling... -yes.. The next morning I had not only to go pee in his giant, house of utter silenceness -but I had to poo too.. And this was more than I could bear. For some reason the thought of him listening to the big kurplunk when my shit hit the river.. Too much. But nor could I, -hold it in. -have you heard me describe myself before as an idiot savant? I'm joking of course, but to exaggerate the ways in one day I can go from feeling or sounding like a genius to.. Feeling and sounding like I'm mentally challenged.. Well, -I had a savant moment.. !.... -because what if, I pour some water in the toilet! And then my shit will not have so far to travel.. And therefore the sound of the BIG SPLASH will be reduced! And so that's exactly what I did. And "it worked!". Until I went to wipe.. In which case my hand went for quite an unexpected swim in the big bowl of .. You know what. And so I sat there.. And had to laugh. -realized that perhaps someone had already figured out how much water a toilet bowl should hold, at what level, for what reason. But then I was stuck again trying to explain to my date.. What was so funny in his bathroom?
posted by SHE @ 9:35 AM
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