Saturday, July 27, 2019

Friday, July 19, 2019

The Heart Seen.. new contributions treasured by (me!) sandra, tvgp

"thank you!"  squidmann & spike!

 "thank you!"  carole


~ sexy & tops

Wednesday, July 17, 2019

So tell (me!), What's Growing On With You?

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

Friday, July 05, 2019

this is rated WTF by (me!) sandra, tvgp

now, not very Christian of me.. rating this WTF  I will need some extra help on this one taming my tongue..  I will switch then to,

well, so often after my sexy and I have talked over morning coffee, covering pop culture, politics, faith, I will say to him with a smile,

"are we the only two people moving forward in a backwards world?"    -So, I will instead title this,

rated VB for yrev sdrawkcab,

again..  no fact checking.  my sharing here is based on one hundred conversations that have taken place among 50 different people, in as many as 30 different locations.

I will start by reminding  -I KNOW, YOU KNOW, & EVERYBODY KNOWS  -the current jail/prison system is a FAILURE.  it does not work.

   -where work ='s taking a person who has a violent/criminal behaviors/actions, and through incarceration, somehow a better human being, less violent/less criminal is supposed to emerge after his/her sentence is served.


now, where the jail/prison system DOES WORK   -for at least a given amount of time, a rapist/murderer/child molester/robber can be off the streets and prevented from claiming new victims/destroying more innocent lives for the time they are off the streets.


that acknowledged,

I have been privileged with some information I feel obligated/responsible to share with the public at large

this involves    -if I want to give the benefit of the doubt,   this involves some good intentions


if I do not give the benefit of the doubt...   this is very dark and ugly coming from the top/down; potentially evil; obviously corrupt

it involves the following

a new building completed for inmates.

but let me again switch out the word inmate for criminals.

a new building for criminals.   and said criminals are being transferred from old building to new building.

this involved a 'celebration'

and involved an opportunity for 'a new start'

and so the criminals  -felons

were allowed to go from old building to new building uncuffed/unchained; an order from the top, honored by the deputies on staff at the time, despite the criminals assigned classification # which would mandate cuffs.

but not only were the criminals uncuffed

an officer/deputy tossed rose petals on the pathway for the criminals en route to the new building

and the criminals were treated to designer donuts and starbucks coffee

and then made paper doves, with criminals handwriting their names on them, which were then gifted to staff officers/deputies as a symbol/gesture of  -what?  goodwill and new beginnings?  it is my understanding several officers declined receiving the paper doves.

and there was a ceremony where criminals/deputies/officers all took roses and were to create a bouquet together, each putting in an individual rose..

and if you haven't had to leave the room to vomit yet, there is still more..

 the type of criminals who were housed in the old building at one time or another include

a woman who allowed her boyfriend to rape the child she was babysitting.  and a woman who murdered a child.



while I think we can all agree the current system does (at least temporarily) protect innocent people from the violent ones by keeping them off the streets

and we can all agree the current system does not convert; it does not take in a violent criminal and post sentence, send out a law-abiding, noble, evolved citizen

I hope and pray to God, no one believes that a rapist, or an accessory to a rapist, murderer or armed robber  - a felon of any kind,  deserves to walk on rose petals freely, and chit chat with deputies over designer donuts and starbucks coffee.


the victims  -which include the victim, and their families, and their friends; in many cases entire communities; but primarily directly victims   -let me speak specifically of rape victims

rape victims are serving life sentences outside of jail.  the crime is too hideous for accurate description; painful, lingering fatal blows to the soul/spirit/mind..  PTSD which claims the lives of even well trained soldiers who graduated boot camp and were prepared to some degree for combat..

well many rape victims have had no such preparation or training; just ambushed by evil forces


it is not sitting well with me; rose petals, designer donuts, starbucks

it does not sit well with me; criminals socializing with deputies; which empowers the criminal and undermines the authority of the deputies

it does not sit well with me at all;

rape victims battling what I personally know is the battle of a lifetime, while the predators walk on rose petals and sip on starbucks and make paper doves

      /pardon me one more time...      BLUACKALS;DHFKAOS;IF ASND;LKFSHF

I must wipe the puke from my mouth,

while the system we currently have is not write

this new building celebration was blatantly and frighteningly and my hope would be, also -legally- wrong


when I add on, this.. to the other 50+ conversations from here and over there

it is very clear

in an incremental but systematic way   -criminals are again and again being granted privileges, freedoms, luxuries   -lack of any consequence for what was once consequential behaviors..

while incrementally, systematically and simultaneously  -officers/deputies, authority figures are having their authority/autonomy removed and undermined

I want to be wrong in my intuition/assumption/educated guess

I want to be wrong,

but I am highly suspicious that something very dark is knowingly going on.  it is conscious.  and I am curious where and with who, it began


for answers  I pray in Jesus name,   ~amen.

out of the box (my autographed & favorite books!)

"Congratuations!" to (The Kings!) on World of Dance

so well deserved!   -awesome every time


and, wonderful to be an audience/fan of this show...  to see people from all around the world..  sharing a stage    -there is already an acceptance/respect among the entire population of dancers; race, religion, orientation, education, affiliations  -all none issues.   dancers competing; that's it

and in other corners of other cities...   just protests, arguments, violence, ugliness, offense, manipulations, antagonizing, media-attention/publicity stunts

I think people don't realize they can choose.

how much power each individual has to CHOOSE how they spend their time and energy

    -pleased with your choice?


this is rated P for Politics by (me!) sandra, tvgp

this is rated P for Politics   -and I do believe we should warn people the same way we have learned to warn audiences about language and nudity;  -/and for the exact same reasons.


so, for those of you still tuned in:


as usual, I have done no actual research, and speak solely from an average, laypersons point of view.

one day,

when, I don't remember or care, but one day, I started to notice these stamps on certain products I purchased at the local grocery store

and then I saw them on retail products  -jewelry and home décor

and the stamps were some kind of certification and icon for 'fair trade'

and my layperson understanding gathered from a sentence here from this person, and a sentence there from that person, and some vague internal intuitions mixed with common cents

I gathered that the 'fair trade' graphic indicated the following:  some group/organization has the task of checking on various businesses/manufacturers, etc. and making sure they are not entirely exploiting people in the making/selling of a given product;  -that some standard has been met regarding employee wages/conditions which seems 'fair' and not exploitive/abusive.  and when the standard is met, the product packaging receives the 'fair trade' stamp of approval, and consumers can purchase given product confident their purchase is not further contributing to corruption, exploitation and greed.

 -something like that.


and so, as I have mentioned a number of too many times, I do not have the time, energy, drive required to be an activist,

"but if I did!"

here is one of the many things I would most certainly do:

I would create a task force, very much like the one written about above.   and their task would be to visit U.S. businesses of almost every kind, and check on/report on three things:

1.   highest paid person in business (CEO, for example)
2.  lowest paid  (clerks, for example)
3.   % of pay discrepancy between the two

and there would be a standard...     and if that standard was met, the business would get a stamp..

and I haven't quite worked out what the icon/text would read, but many different design ideas come to mind,


then consumers could purchase/support businesses with confidence they are not contributing to further corruption/abuses and greed.

because,  I will make up numbers, because I have no time to fact check, but..  I have seen many interviews and know that of what I speak is true, so i'm just providing imaginary numbers, but they speak a truth:

in the 1970's/1980's  CEO's earned 27% more than the lowest paid employee on the same team of the same business, contributing to the same overall goals

and in the 90's forward that discrepancy grew from 27% to like, 93%

and you

and I

and anyone reading this

all KNOW

   -it just ain't write.

but, honey..  if you even whisper an injustice...    republicans, conservatives, capitalists..   they so immediately cry "socialism!"    "communism!"

and you

and I

and anyone reading this

all KNOW

   closing a greed gap between the highest and lowest paid employees is NOT socialism or communism

it is just an awareness of greed, and the curtailing of it

and the results of closing/shrinking the gap result ONLY in more people  -who are working/contributing to the greater good being fairly compensated

and CEO's being less way over compensated

it is in my layperson, working woman, pedestrian,  grateful, humble US citizen opinion,

the write thing to do.

and, because greed is a negative spirit; thriving in anti-transparency zones

I rather think we need two stamps..

1 stamp would indicate a 'fair %' is distributed to everyone in a given company   -not equal!  do not panic...    the CEO should in fact make more than the clerk

and the other stamp would indicate   GREED

where an excess of, say...    I don't know really,


I making up numbers,

but, if you were to buy a


or shoes

or refrigerator

or even a hamburger/French fries through a drive thru

and there was a stamp that read,   97%

which indicated that the CEO receives 97% more than the lowest paid employees EARN..

at least you could KNOW whether you were contributing to more greed, or more people earning a living wage..

    -that is my idea

    -I approve this message

in Jesus holy spirit name   ~amen.


may I close with discussing 'spirits' of generosity or greed

they ARE NOT associated/correlated in any way whatsoever with FINANCES/MONEY

that seems counter-intuitive at first..   greed/generosity, giving money, exploiting for money

seems like it IS about money

it is not.

YOU HAVE people who have next to nothing, but who are willing to give with a generous heart.
you have people who have next to nothing, and they hold on tight unable to give a penny..

YOU HAVE people who have amazing amounts of wealth, but who can't part with a penny
and people who are financially blessed and who generous bless many others.


and so, if having a lot of money, or a little money is not the factor in being generous or greedy

-what is?


Thursday, July 04, 2019

Write to be free friends/family/flags

Hearing the Voice of God (me!) sandra, tvgp

; I do.

and very interesting to read a variety of passages in the bible that speak to this; and the common demominator in all the passages about hearing, and one day 'seeing' God..

the common denominator; pre-requisite, if you will:

having a PURE HEART.


how can this be proven in a court of law?  scientifically?


but I will make claim to having one; a pure heart.   -and it feels great to have worked toward and to acknowledge this

especially because in every other area of life...    well, my ignorance in the area of geography/history is high..    my inability to speak any other language...    my ability to paint or do pull-ups..

I still have not quite figured out how to 'live within my means'    -improved in budgeting yes; but far from pure in never using a credit card...

there is a great deal I don't know...    and, i'm not pure in eating habits or exercise..

I could go on and on, but my point is   -there is no evil or ill intention or bitterness or unforgiveness inside my heart.     -any dna test for that?


-exactly because my heart did not grow weary, bitter, spiteful or vengeful over the past 5 decades

I am enjoying due season!   and, I tell my sexy often..     -because it is so unfamiliar to me..

to have so many great experiences in a row..

I say to him with a big smile, "there is no cap on how many great days we can have in a row!   we are in due-season!  Thank You Jesus!  Amen!"


there is poem forming inside me.. but I do not yet have the time..

I know the outline/idea:   it will communicate how being a deputy for 27 years did not get the best of Robert...

and how the violence/trauma I endured did not get the best of me...

and so, this allows Robert and I to give the best of ourselves to each other..

Let's Talk Dance and Identity by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I've written about dance plenty before, so cut to the chase:   if you would like to see where dance has evolved; where it is today in 2019, then you should watch 384

that is; season 3, episode 8, the duels 4 of World of Dance.   and prepare to be WOW'd


regarding identity:  from my perspective, everyone that graces that stage is a dancer first; above anything else

that is to say, when I watch I see a

DANCER that is male or female, of a certain age (child, jr. adult, etc.), and from a specific country (Africa, Korea, US, Mexico..  etc), and very last  -perhaps heterosexual or homosexual; but this is unknown, only projected, and not relevant..  which is also true about their education, economic status, political/religious affiliations.

and from my perspective this is true about many things   -a SWIMMER first...     -an ACTOR/PERFORMER first...   -an ARTIST first..       a WRITER first...     a MOM or DAD first..
a PREACHER first...      a BASKETBALL player first..

and that is the common denominator; and it appears to be quite global..  DANCERS from every race, religion, culture; different styles, music yes; but dancers in every culture; and in every generation..

current media practices, and ancestry sites, and dna report industries put so much emphasis on where you are from, what you are made up of, but not what you were made with love to be...

do we still not have testing for gifts/talents/instincts like writing?

no doubt our histories/cultures/past is important; no doubt.   but, my eyes see what people ARE first..  in terms of gifting/talents/interests/abilities..   and everything else comes after...

so, i'm repeating, but it is worth repeating

I am a writer and a mom..  (mom already indicates gender)  and WRITER speaks only of my God-given instinct  -not my gender; sexual orientation, political affiliation, education, eating habits, religion

; I am a writer who is also female, who is also heterosexual who is also Christian

interesting to use our imaginations to group people from all around the world; how many times you could group, sub group, shift

will all the writers go here:    designated place  (what an array of ages, colors, gender....)

dancers here

singers here

singers and dancers

singer/song writers

but, my main point would be: just to note that there are dancers in every culture across the globe, and across recorded human time, and all the other things don't even matter  

if you look at the news today  (or yesterday, and including tomorrow)...   fights, hate, division, arguments, ugliness

if you watch world of dance   -we have people from all around the world, with different orientations, beliefs, diets, incomes, etc.,

and they are all just on the stage, competing at very high levels, doing their thing

and, if you, like me, want to live by that great quote:   be the change you wish to see in the world

I would like to see a lot more people participating in and being an audience to world of dance and the voice..

and a lot less people participating in and being an audience to ugly, divisive, violent and hate-fueled news.

lets us focus on, give our limited, highly valuable time/attention/energy to what is going write in the world.


I do believe there is a bible passage that speaks to this:

Philippians 4:8.

amen & amen.


let us note, what is and is not seen on 'world' of dance..

I have not seen the hula/Hawaiian dancing... no irish dancing...  no full out ballet...

but I see the influences of all these and more   -just like we have primary colors, and then endless mix/match and a growing spectrum

we have primary dances   -then ratio mixes~hybrids~fusions..

this is true of many things.

The Email that keeps me inspired by (Robin Modlin!) to (me!) sandra, tvgp

Tue, Feb 11, 2014 at 9:39 PM

Sandra, came home needing to write to you to tell you again, that show was phenomenal, phenomenally, phenomenal fabulous. It ripped open our hearts. I am one of the book group who surrounded you in the lobby. How could that gorgeous piece of art be the last it ever is heard or seen? That can not be. You must do more and video tape it and send it to Dr. Angelou as your love letter. It was elegant, honest and so powerful. Please make it happen again and again. It would be wonderful at The Bankhead. It would also be wonderful at the theater in Murphys. We are your wonderful, so wonderful...........thank you, thank you.

Robin Modlin, MA
SoulCollage® Facilitator
concrete sculpture, mosaics, participatory arts

and she stood, I thought..   -maybe..  ???   write next to me.  a customer.  while I was cashiering at alden lane.  5 years later.

 I saw the name..

I looked back at the customer..

I looked again at the name; and back at the customer..   already a certain amount of emotion building in me..

"hey..  you're the one who wrote the email that keeps me inspired!    ….  do you,  -is it you?  do you have a website?"

and she said, "a lot of people have websites..."   with no matching expression that suggested she might know me too.   only a look of indifference.

"yes.. I think it is you..   don't you..  did you belong to a book club?"

and she said, "a lot of people belong to bookclubs"

"well, maybe it's not you, but..  did you ever see a play at the firehouse art center?"

and she did not remember the occasion.

   -this is when I realize there are two different operating systems going on within me.

         the first layer is the just let-it-go, give-up, move-on operating system, which does in fact win in many instances, but then there is this second layer; more stubborn and certain, even when the first layer is exclusively uncertain and ready to surrender

the second layer appears more knowledgeable and trustworthy and correct

-these are the only words I have to describe that inner knowing we all experience that pushes itself into the forefront

and so, 

"yes..  you are an artist..  you maybe have a child with special needs?   i'm trying to remember what I've read about you..   and you are connected somehow to murphy's..."

and it is write about then, that her expression changed, that she smiled, and said something like, "you do know who I am"

and then I re-mentioned about writing a play for Dr Maya Angelou..   and when I said Dr Maya Angelou's name.. this registered stronger in her memory than just mentioning the venue 'firehouse art center'

"you allowed yourself to be quite vulnerable, didn't you"  she said to me

and I just about cracked into a fountain of tears, but re-gained composure.

ive tried to reach robin, numerous times unsuccessfully   -but because many of the kind words of support for Kissin' The Chocolate Blues, came directly from beloved friends and family..  while I appreciated their feedback and support, it is factored in that it is coming from people who know and love me, and not one of them is going to say something critical, when my topic/performance is so...

and so, this email..   from a person/group in the audience that I did not know; who did not know me   -it meant even more, if you will..   

my play is not for everyone.  I know that in advance.  it is only for a select audience; not a mass audience..

BUT for the longest time, I've wondered..    what impact on that select audience?

and the impact I could only dream of and hope for when I wrote it, is represented in this email sent from robin.   so, what a blessing to tell her directly, in person  -how much her email meant

"it made it feel like it was all worth it," I said with a smile.  "thank you!"

                     /because people...       a lot of work went into the writing and performance!



gets better!   because robin had just, the night before shopping at alden lane, put together on her phone, a mini-movie video of the 

   -gorgeous!  colorful, sparkling and highly inspiring

mosaic installation she just completed at guess where?!?

murphys park!

"that's my favorite art form!"  I told her several times

so, only because I had recently been there, for the first time ever, for the celebration of life for my uncle bill Vaughn, 

I know the exact wall in murphy's park where this amazing art is now lifting hearts and spirits for anyone who lays their eyes upon it.

  -there should be a lot more of this kind of thing in the world

by the time the artist get done here in this world..

no empty canvases..  no boring stretches of nothing to look at walls, doors, or anything..

design! color! sparkle! beauty!

and she told me over 100 people contributed to the project.     way to go!

creative collaboration! team work!   -awesome.


and so,  last I thought of Kissin' The Chocolate Blues, a theater person from Ohlone College said a bunch about producing it..  about me actually getting paid!  and I got quite hopeful and excited,   - I had forwarded robin's email as a testimony..    but nothing came of that except ignored emails and it faded in the distance


in that second layer of me I described earlier  -the more stubborn and certain and knowledgeable layer

I have an inner knowing, that the write person is going to read the script; the write person will see its full potential

and it will be performed for the write audience; for the write reasons, at the write time, in the write venue    -and be filmed by a true master level professional

all according to God's will and no-one elses.        

hallelujah and amen!