Friday, August 30, 2019

The Heart Seen. Two New Charming Contributions!

Am I Write? (me!) sandra, tvgp

and so, in a very over simplified, sweeping assessment, I would say this:

at some point in time, and i'm going to average it as beginning in the 1990's

a number of unworthy authority figures were revealed for what they were:  unworthy/corrupt.

 -our response, it appears, was to remove large amounts of authority from ALL AUTHORITY figures, whether they were worthy of it  -or not.

and give authority/autonomy to (students) young and immature minds with no real life experience and no training.  or give authority to (criminal/inmates) drug dealers, addicts, thieves, murderers, rapists

it is an over-reaction in my opinion; over-correction; and the results have proven disastrous.

what we should have done instead, was remove the unworthy/corrupt authority figures.  look closer at the criteria for becoming an authority figure  (teacher/deputy); learn and understand how to identify unworthy/corrupt authority figures quickly and fire them - while simultaneously training and recruiting worthy authority figures who demonstrate integrity, trustworthiness, etc.


Wednesday, August 28, 2019

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PATTERN IN ALL OF HUMANITY as seen again by (me!) sandra, tvgp

remember how I told you before..  and again..

we come to earth with instructions:

what we love to do
instructs us on what we are here to do.

what suffering we endure
instructs us on who we are here to help.

I can't keep track of how many times I've seen people following instructions,

but here is ANOTHER GREAT EXAMPLE:  kyle rudolph

Let's unforget his dream by (me!) sandra, tvgp

goes something like,  "I have a dream..."   and included in a much longer speech we hear "that people will be judged, not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character"

feel like i'm searching for... and need to repeat..

content of their character

content of their character

content of their character..

    -hardly gets mentioned anymore; or even considered..

but it needs it own club and parade!

we certainly have  -gay pride parade..     and that's all fine and good, but..   that has nothing to do with 'content of character'   -and it exclusively about sexual orientation..

and there are clubs for African americans…


  -all fine and good, but again..   based on geography, not 'content of character'

we have democratic conventions..   republican conventions...    but I haven't yet seen a 'content of character' convention...     /which would have both...

worth checking around..

for clubs, parades, holidays, 'of the month's'   -flags..  conventions...  retreats...

  -can someone start it up please..

'content of character' parades...

we need a club,

our own, 'month'

a special day...

some spirit wear..   badges...

get creative

but, the thing you will see about the 'content of character' clubs..

they will be the most diverse of age, nation, faith, skin color, hairstyle, gender, orientation, political affiliation, income, education.. wardrobe.. status..

because when it comes to 'content of character' itself..

all of the above listed are just asides..

in Jesus name...   amen.

bottom of the pot.. last pour by (sandra, tvgp)

last pour on this topic:   but let us suppose, that the lakeside serial rapist was caught by police  -and keep in mind his first victim committed suicide   -/but as this was directly after being ambushed and raped I consider it murder actually

but anyway..  9 or more victims later, and the last one being actually murdered..

let us suppose he was captured/sentenced to prison

let's review  -each in our own mind:   sentenced to prison for how long?    and after being in prison, with   /move to current time, I am not aware of conditions in the early 1980's

but, with 48" flat screen tv's, pizza/popcorn night, recreation, laundry, physical/mental healthcare on demand,  classes,

and! if an inmate is on 'suicide watch' this means a deputy checks on inmate/criminal

-every 15 minutes-

oh,   -I have to stop and say a few prayers write about now..

when the highest statistic on suicides

-highest statistics regarding suicides are not inmates; but we are experiencing a 40 year high when it comes to females 15 - 19 years old


let's say an inmate

let's keep using our imagination, and say, the lakeside serial rapist was caught and serving time today, 

so could at any point ask for, and immediately receive mental/physical healthcare;

and said something that resulted in suicide watch; and therefore was being checked on by a deputy 
-every 15 minutes-

and, let's use our imagination, and say..

the lakeside rapist successfully committed suicide in between the 15 minute checks

let's say the deputy comes back and finds inmate dead.

-guess who gets held responsible?  and must go through a series of investigative interviews.. internal affairs..   etc, etc, 


not 100% of time, but majority, and across the board

whenever an innate dies in jail/prison whether by suicide or illness; fight will other inmate; old age..

common practice for family members to sue;

and common for family members to receive money; settle out of court..

[sounds to me like any death of inmate kind of automatically results in suit/and financial benefits for family members]

/so, via imagination, 
lakeside rapist dies while serving time
money goes to family members

so, let us consider for a moment or three..   
the victims

anything for first victim  -who did commit suicide?  her family...
any financial gain, anywhere for anyone?

the other 9 or more -victims
the families of the woman who was kidnapped, raped, killed?


can anyone else see, 

how, perhaps..

deputies/law enforcement  -who are currently working 
'mandatory overtime' on a regular basis

and have had much of their autonomy/authority removed

and are held responsible for the behaviors of criminal/inmates serving sentences for any number of crimes..

and who are watching law abiding citizens in civilian life struggle to pay for, receive mental/physical healthcare

struggle to find work, get work and go to work, but then struggle some more..

but simultaneously watch inmates receive so many privileges and on demand..
and be held responsible if the inmate acts up (?!) or acts out

and where the mass media/news has successfully created such
a hostile culture, both outside and inside jails for law enforcement at all levels

does anyone else see a recipe and formula for


anyone else see why maybe no one even wants to be in law enforcement anymore

why recruitment is so difficult?  retention dwindling..


if only all these teenage girls 15 - 19 could have someone checking in on them 
every 15 minutes


I did digress..

how long should the lakeside rapist be in prison?

most importantly:

under what conditions

does the lakeside rapist

a highly dangerous and violent murderous predator

return to society

no longer dangerous, no longer violent, and respecting/valuing human life
and contributing something of value to society?

because we obviously do not know
the most important thing
while we figure out the whys/hows/whatfors

is to get
and keep
dangerous/violent predators OFF THE STREETS.

AND SAME, with the non-violent, but conspirators to kidnaps/rapes/beatings/violence

let us move toward
returning authority/autonomy to the deputies
asking less of them (removing mandatory overtime)

and asking much more of the inmates
before they can enjoy mandatory mental/physical healthcare
pizza/popcorn, recreation, big flat screen tv's, laundry

I am not the first to recognize
that being an inmate is easier than being a law abiding elderly person
who worked/contributed for years...

in Jesus name, amen

Monday, August 26, 2019

Combined Knowledge/Experience (sexy! & tops!) in prayer...

and as our conversations continued..   my sexy, with 27 years as a deputy..  he discussed how over the decades  -and especially within the past several years..  how empowered criminals have become in the jails..

we discussed ryan's release..    how he murdered his mother; beat her literally to death

and I recalled in my own life experiences

that when I was kidnapped/raped at just 6 years old  -this predator had been released from jail.

when I was kidnapped/raped at 16..   -this predator's picture was already in the mugshot books because he had served time in jail   -and been released

when I was the #2 victim of the lakeside serial rapist   -as this predator remained at large, we cannot be as certain, but, the profile of this predator indicated that he too had served time in jail   -and been released

move backwards in time; move forward in time, where criminals are provided even more luxuries, rights, privileges, and shorter sentences; heavy doses of compassion, sympathy

none of it makes it safer for innocent law abiding citizens/families

none of it results in an 'evolved' 'reformed' criminal turned contributing, safe and trustworthy citizen

  -dangerous, violent criminals can be and should be removed from threatening society

you forfeit your right to be a part of society  -which is a privilege; not an entitlement under any circumstance

I believe jail, and then a place you can graduate to  -but which is still not with the general public at large

my sexy  -based on his life experiences/career; he believes jail can and should be the beginning and the end; 'rehab' and 'reform' aren't even the publics responsibility and in some cases not even realistic

but we both believe in keeping innocent people safe from harm/abuses/violence/terrorism/death  -threats of any and every kind   -and we both believe in keeping dangerous/violent criminals off the streets

and so in prayer..  and in our conversations..   based on the current cultural trends in favor of criminals and against law enforcement   -we pray together and ask God

or rather let God know via prayer, that should we be called to speak on behalf..   based on our combined life experiences and knowledge; we make our selves available for this service

but only if called..       it is a spiritual communication.

Christians who have been walking in love for many years learn through practice/experience  -not everything we want to do is in alignment with God's purposes; vice versa; and time and discernment and prayer  -guidance from the holy spirit allows us to act or wait or change course; but our goal is to live within God's will; not our own.

in Jesus name,   -amen.


have I already discussed?   -worth repeating.    how my sexy explained to me that criminals are categorized using numbers and the numbers indicate how violent/level of threat to deputies

I would have guessed it was based on their crime; the one(s) that landed them in jail to begin with

I would have guessed wrong

so for example   -a very low level of threat would be given to a female criminal who did not violently act out against deputies; this non-violent female criminal however,  -might be in jail (as mentioned in prior post) for allowing her boyfriend to rape the child she was babysitting

so, even though she was not directly the predator and non-violent herself; that level of criminal behavior, in my opinion should result in permanent removal from society.

in Jesus name I pray,   amen.

Sunday, August 25, 2019

Gifts of the Holy Spirit as heard by (me!) sandra, tvgp

"pause and rewind that sexy!  I want to write them down.."    /we were watching knightfall..   violent, yes.. very violent, but also very well cast/told..

anyway, I have the fruits of the spirit memorized,

what I heard on the show though were the 7 gifts of the holy spirit:   and if correct, they are







and my personal favorite:


Then and Nows by (me!) sandra, tvgp

then:  when I was attending Cal State Hayward, breakfast might well have been, a hostess cupcake, a cigarette and a diet pepsi.

now:  for breakfast I have an apple, a handful of raw mixed nuts, coffee.    we watch Joyce Meyer, Bishop T.D. Jakes for breakfast also..   and

what a long time it takes to grow up.


My 2020 Ambition: Geography! (me!) sandra, tvgp

oh my goodness!  we are both in love with a show on discovery channel called expedition unknown with host josh gates..

and as ive said many times, I don't know where my mind was exactly when they taught geography in elementary, middle, high school or college, but..  I have many blank areas

so, if you say, California..   for example, I can immediately, in my imagination, pull up a picture of the outline of California and an outline of the U.S.

but for so many other places..   a blank.  like, no picture in my mind pops up..    


I am slowly, consciously..    I have to go back like a Kindergartner I think, and re-plant pictures in my mind   -i'm not sure if they were ever there; there and then lost?

but i'm going to put them in..   and I realize this is going to take a long while, but what fun! too..

a map in my mind I can pull up and see at will with my imagination screen  -of the world...


and anyone remember my ambition as a 15 year old...    gypsy; travel the world; waitress my way around the world and experience all the different cultures..

well, josh gates has done it for me   "thank you!"    -and, because its 2019..  the tools!  the camera views, technology, drones, editing, tv..

we can see it now like we've never been able to see it before!   -awesome.

Everyone is an Editor; everyone! by (me!) sandra, tvgp

everyone is ALREADY AN EDITOR   -every day; all the time.  but I don't think most people realize that..

we think of editors as professionals..  an occupation..

but every single person..   every person who wakes up, participates in a given day, goes back to sleep..   school or no school, work or no work..

everyone lives a given day, week, month, year..

and gazillions of things take place..   and without schooling, or effort, or conscious intention, we select highlights..  or lowlights..

we unconsciously pull and select from a much larger data base of things that happened, people we saw, things we said/heard   -no one records it all in its entirety  -we select and edit

create a tiny (relatively speaking) memory bank from a much larger library of life's occurrences

everyone already edits; every day; all the time..

I've known it for some long time, and only over time began to be aware.. and consciously decide..

and override default settings.


what part of (me!) has become aware and taken control in this area?      iJnA

Life Journey of Words by (me!) sandra, tvgp

what word was it?  I can't remember.. but it sparked a conversation between sexy & I...

I said with a smile..   "they have like a full life journey, some words do..     they go through the same things humans do..

struggles to be born and given life

struggles to be heard correctly

struggles to be used correctly

false accusations..



occasional fleeting success!

and the word that most personifies this life journey; that is, the first one to come to my mind, is the word feminism

it does not mean man-hater, but ive certainly heard it used that way..

it does mean, lesbian, but I've heard that definition projected on it..

it was non existent

and then in vogue

and then was kidnapped..  


reappeared but used slightly differently..   reluctantly..

one word; but what a journey!

connotation; denotation; colloquial..   cultural..   political..    spiritual..   emotional...  intellectual..   a put-down, a compliment..     a goal, an ambition..       an enemy..

my goodness.

and truth be told, I have no idea where the word currently stands in 2019

whether it is standing at all?   or kickin' back somewhere on a beach with a cold beer in its hand

or holding two fingers up from the ocean, yelling for a life-jacket in hopes of being rescued  -again!

I know it's not dead; feminism

but how alive?    -not sure.

in Jesus' name   /which is quite a word journey too       hallelujah &  amen.

Environmental Studies of the Spiritual Kind by (me!) sandra, tvgp

  -where our minds are in fact, environments.    the environment of our minds; hosts

 -the environment and host invite guests

and based on the environment itself, and based on the reputation of the host..

who quite naturally wants to come?

who is invited?

who is not invited?

is it not  -by invitation only?

  -so if your mind is filled with hate/anger; that is one specific environment, and/or room..

if your mind is filled with love and peace..  that is a specific environment, and/or room..

if your environment is worry/anxiety...

each environment/host attract specific guests

and those guests are longing to stay, or leave..


and so it is a practice of mine; a spiritual practice, to be mindful of my mental environment; and self, as host

I welcome, open invitation to fruits of the spirit; the holy spirit; honored to have you, stay forever..

and I do have occasional cause to ask certain uninvited; unwelcome guests to leave..   sometimes thrown out; told never to return


can think they know a fact that is not true
believe something false which makes it individually true
unknowingly claim what is false as true
consciously skew facts to prove a known lie true
question whether something is partially true
debate whether there is such thing as truth
   -only 1 species, all this can do:

starts with whY and ends with O U.


speaking of environmental studies of the spiritual kind:    I occasionally return to the young girl on cbs sunday morning who committed suicide

I find myself thinking of her, each time I hear a certain song on KLOVE radio..  and in the lyrics, as is common for Christians to say,

it is sung, "greater is the one inside me than he who is in the world"

and for Christians, this directly references the Holy Spirit inside us,  -as being a stronger influence than 'the world'    -which is materialistic, self-seeking, mean, ill willed, jealous, hateful, spiteful, very judgmental on superficial matters,  etc.

but I think of the young girl who committed suicide because the exact same lyrics apply to her situation also

it is true, is it not   -that greater was the one inside her, than the ones that were in her outside world.

but the one inside her..      negative/evil/destructive

on the outside...   smiles, academic success, friends/family who loved/adored/respected admired her..

so I just realize over and over..

for every human being   -we do have two selves; two worlds:   inside, private/outside, public to the world

and we each believe the 'inside' private world is our truth..   whether the inside is of love; or evil..

we lean to our inner selves as our 'true' selves, and outer, public as 'image'

but Christians make a different distinction   -we lean on God's word as truth, love as truth  (not inner vs. outer world, as much as love vs. hate; evil vs. peaceful)

and evil as a lie

so, whether love is only on our inside, but we are not being loved by the outside world/circumstances; we still believe we are loved

if we have no love on the inside; self love; but the outside world is showering love on us, (based on status/fame/etc.)  -we learn to cultivate 'true' love..  as from God  -no regarder of persons/status

all evil/negative/self destructive thoughts are immediately categorized as coming from an enemy.. and therefore not marinated in or taken for truth..


each person, Chrisitian or non, should be personally aware of their inner/private and outer/public worlds

should evaluate for truth   -which is influencing your day to day life, attitude, decisions, direction..

what is truth?   vs.   image    vs. lie


over and over, it seems to me, the big distinction between Christians and non.. is that Christians view love, loving thoughts/attitudes as coming from an outside source; and evil coming from an outside source:  God/love, and/or the enemy/Devil..

secularists, I believe, view negative and/or positive thoughts as not coming from an outside source, but rather, just organically from the individual human

either way, however, every human has both positive and negative thoughts; and every human has both an internal, private, and external public world.

ideally   -I believe when a human is fully evolved, they have inner/outer worlds, private/public lives and thoughts all in harmony with each other, and under the influence of love as truth.

God is love.

in Jesus name, amen.

August Pour by (me!) sandra, tvgp

  I do wish I could write at the very moment I am inspired with an idea, thought, etc.  but time/circumstance rarely allow.  so, I jot down big picture ideas minus details..  let  them percolate; eventually I can pour 


and last I saw of my sister almost two years ago..  recovering from surgery; still not even driving yet when I left..   fast forward and she is groovin' on the dance floor with a big smile, surrounded by family and friends  "thank you!" Jesus  -and a million people in the background who contributed in small and large ways to a happy milestone celebration

"how can you even celebrate?"     -asked a few times, when recent tragedy was factored in..

the upshot is this, and worth re-mentioning:  we had (have) a shared spiritual mindset:  not to let evil claim even more territory

because if you do not proactively set a boundary..   claim away it will.

Joy is our Strength. Peace is our Power. Jesus is our Savior.  Holy Spirit is our Guide.


speaking of upshots and evil   -I will say only this:   we know ryan had a history of violence.  he had been in jail for  (6 months?) and then released

pull anyone off the streets and ask the question:

if a violent criminal beats someone nearly to death
-spends 6 months in jail and then is released back into society

is that released criminal now a better human being and no threat to society?

pull anyone off the streets..

it does not need to be a well educated, highly trained person..

although both the well educated and the average person know:

a dangerous violent person does not spend 6 months in jail and then leave a less dangerous or less violent person.


it only escalates.

this formula is proven out too many times to count.

we all already KNOW IT

and yet..  year after year

decade after decade..

violence. jail time. release. greater violence

in this case

as is true with countless others

the violence went from beating nearly to death..

6 months/release

beat to death; not nearly..    but to death.

everyone is devastated; no one is surprised.


I wont pretend to have answers as to the why's.   I am not inspired to activism trying to convince mass amounts of people violent criminals should be permanently removed from society

louder, more influential people have already..

and with no results.

the cycle repeats.    and the cycle will continue to repeat.

the hows/whys people become dangerous, violent, murderous is its own novel length topic

but, while we continue to study, research, understand the hows/whys

the most important thing in my opinion and experience


and what the answers are, as to how long...under what circumstances

I only believe this,

that a violent criminal

a dangerous violent criminal should be kept away from society

and no dangerous violent criminal should go directly from jail back to society

there needs to be a place you 'graduate' to

and you stay there..   -for your life, or until you have proven..

rights to function in society should be permanently removed from dangerous violent criminals

that would be the parade I would march in.

I could go on and on here..   force myself to stop and move on...    /but it should start with bullies in school.. you should be removed and put in an entirely separate facility until you master respect for other human beings.


in this way..   nearly beating his mother to death..   6 months in jail...  released, and ultimately beating his mother to death; murder

in this way..   that he was ever released..

it is my opinion/observation that ryan was set up to fail; and Cynthia was set up to die.

everyone saw that coming.    current laws/cultural will and practices do nothing to stop it


what grand sympathies have accumulated over the past decades toward criminals in general  -but if we were to assess the results..

sympathy/compassion toward criminals -though the intention has been noble

has not yielded the result it may have intended  -less crimes?   safer place for innocent people?   criminals being reformed into good, law abiding citizens?

perhaps we have over-corrected and need to swing back...

I can promise you this, and also pull anyone off the streets for this knowledge/understanding:

if a dangerous violent criminal goes to jail

removing chains, adding big flat screen tvs, popcorn, movies, laundry, healthcare, recreation, and classes

none of this results in a reformed human being when it comes to the mind, heart, soul

you are only giving flat screen tvs, popcorn, movie nights, recreation time and classes to dangerous violent criminals, while the law abiding law enforcement officers are held responsible for any and all bad behaviors the criminals act out

we need to return to consequences. personal accountability.

authority figures that actually have authority and subordinates learning respect.

I have already mentioned conversations with teachers in elementary schools  -how it parallels..  what we see in the classrooms; what we see in the jails..

we have taken away authority from teachers and given it to the students..

we are witnessing the results and the results are not good..  we have once again, over-corrected, and need to swing back..

we need respected authority figures everywhere  -in our schools, in our places of work, on the sports fields, in churches, in jails; everywhere..

we need respected authority figures who actually have authority

and, I believe what happened is that we had a small % of unworthy authority figures popping up here and there, and we over-corrected;

but clearly we can see..     removing authority figures is a disaster

the answer was not to give authority to criminals and children, instead of law enforcement and teachers and parents

but rather to start addressing the criteria for being in a position of authority to begin with.

ive gone on more than I wanted to already..

but bounce here with me before I move on


and criminals released from jail/prisons:

I am a good citizen, with a college degree and a decent resume, no addictions, healthy.. etc.

and with everything I have on my side

I still found job hunting..  interviews..

trying to rent rooms for shelter..

I found the process daunting.

when a criminal has served their time and is released..

to join society and find a job; a place to live..

the odds are so stacked against, it seems they are set up to fail

but even with the abundant addition of classes, resources, programs on their side to get better results..

so  -keeping dangerous violent criminals OFF THE STREETS is my number one issue; 

crucial; vital   -off the streets while we continue to ponder the whys/hows

-oh, we have the numbers and news reports on when police shoot or are shot/killed

but you know what numbers we do not have:

we do not know how many houses were not robbed last night;
how many innocent people were not beaten/stabbed/kidnapped/raped;
how many people made it safely from home to work and back;
how many drugs were not sold/taken;

because of the criminals currently in jail and off the streets

-many people believe we should not even concern ourselves with 'reforming' criminals

prison is the consequence; forever; period.

its worth discussing

but I do still have a heart for..   

which is why I think violent criminals should serve time in jail/prison; yes..

and where the criminal is the subordinate; the prison guards, deputies, law enforcement are the authority figures with authority

after sentence is served    -school/education, still removed from society..

everyone by now has the understanding that 

-where you take a violent person and that person, under any stress is no longer violent

-an addicted person, and under any stress does not turn back to addiction..

a person with no respect for human life, -gains value for all human life..

a hateful, spiteful person with love and respect..

the very changing of minds, thoughts, heart, soul

this is not now

never has been

never will be

accomplished through giving even more compassion and privileges and rights to the criminal; while simultaneously removing autonomy/authority from leaders

all you have done is further empower/embolden the criminal; ego, selfishness, power, violence, escalate; worsen

mind, thinking, soul, spirit, heart changes..  attitude adjustments...

for a human to actually evolve

personal accountability; answering to a higher authority.  

/enough for now..         in Jesus name amen.


Wednesday, August 14, 2019

..for Alden Lane.. by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Monday, August 12, 2019

The Grandma Clause. by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Let's call it article #213 in relevant legal documents.

Reference: i.e.,  /make it sound academic/scholarly/legal and all that, ok.

-because it should be, a legalized pardon.


 my mom, AKA grandma sharon,
She can sometimes be looking directly at my daughter, and say like, "jack.. I mean, sarah.. I mean sandra...  

And sometimes not even make it around to the correct name without smiling and saying, 'we'll, you know who I mean'

And this, it turns out, is VERY COMMON for parents, grandparents, friends, neighbors, etc.

I've done it with my own children.. called my daughter by my son's name and vice versa..   and sometimes my niece/nephew/ siblings name will get mentioned until I finally get it write; or give up and say the famous, 'you know who I mean

No one EVER gets mad or even slightly offended; we all just smile and sometimes giggle..      sometimes, even new names are playfully created by the accidental use of the first sound of one name and last sound of someone else...

My point is this.. when I learned recently that Berkeley has banned the use of he/she pronouns..

I said with a smile...    "I'm going to use the grandma clause!"

Because I kind of know in advance, that I'm gonna be getting it wrong, more often than -Write.

In, LOVE has no gender.. Jesus does name. Amen!

Sunday, August 11, 2019

FISH BLISS by (sexy! & tops!) -done.

The heart seen. By(me!) Sandra, tvgp

Saturday, August 10, 2019

FISH BLISS in progress by (sexy! & tops!)

The song I hear in my head, and feel in my heart while working/playing on this project is 'you know how I feel. Joe bonamasa version. Amen

Spiritual Immune Systems by (me!) sandra, tvgp

we know, and I will explain in layperson terms  -we know about the flesh's immune system   -and let's say we have a person with a very weak (flesh) immune system

the example might be, that person, when standing miles away from a person with a minor cold; will still catch the flu.   that is, it takes very little exposure to a minor issue, and it turns into a major physical health challenge for the person with a very weak (flesh) immune system.

and then, the reverse will be true of a person with a very strong (flesh) immune system  -write.

you can take a person with a very strong (flesh) immune system, and stick them in a crowded elevator with nothing but sick people who have contagious diseases of one type or another, and that person will never even catch a cold.    


and now I want to write about our spiritual immune systems:

if you have a weak spiritual immune system, then with one mention/exposure to an unGodly act, the person with a weak spiritual immune system, will respond with enormous grief, fear,  -come undone; and still be thinking about/talking about that unGodly event even if you fast forward weeks, months, years...

and the opposite is true of someone with a strong spiritual immune system..   in that case, you can expose them to any number of high crisis traumatic situations/events, and they remain stable, unshaken, moving through and forward in a balanced way

there is a spectrum for both; physical (flesh) immune systems, and mental/emotional (spiritual) immune systems

for the physical we have blood tests, saliva tests, xrays, MRI's, etc.

but for the spiritual, we have only  -nternal experience/observation/verbal/written reports;

and exactly because I am blown away in a positive way about the evolution/progress of my own spiritual immune system,

and exactly because there is no physical/medical test that will show you what I've internally experienced

you can only know if I share this with you

-I am inspired to do just that:    a brief report on my spiritual immune system

in order to appreciate my progress, you must know that at one time in my life (late teen's/throughout my 20's)  I battled severe PTSD    -the level of which does in fact claim lives; but did not claim mine.

although...   the number of times it came close is noteworthy

I will not reiterate details here because they are already well documented.

     -what year was the sandy hill shooting of the elementary school children?

it allows me to, looking back, see,   -that while my spiritual immune system had healed/strengthened enormously from it's weakest most vulnerable stage; it was not at full health/strength

exposure to that horrific mass murder of young children did   -to some degree; undo me...

and when I watched President Obama speak..   when I watched anyone speak about the killings;

I had NO IDEA how ANYONE could speak without falling apart


like, HOW?!?!?      how can you get even a sentence out without sobbing?

and only because I am currently experiencing/living out that ability    -to face a traumatic murder, and speak without sobbing

only because I am currently, very directly,  experiencing "peace beyond human understanding"

only now, do I understand how it's done.

and I am not operating from shock

I am not apathetic

I am not  -repressing/suppressing/post-poning

I am not in denial; I am very well aware; very awake

It is my self-evaluation assessment and report  -that over many years, prayers, slowly...  slowly..

my very broken/damaged spiritual immune system has not just healed; but has been strengthened to beyond where it would have been, had I not battled PTSD

it is the contrast of utterly broken/beyond-healed that helps me appreciate what I am currently experiencing

only people with this shared experience can say "amen & amen!"

who else knows of what I speak?

you too are shouting, "Thank You Jesus!"


and my sexy..   he also has a very strong spiritual immune system   -this is my observation/experiencing sharing life with him

only the individual knows the deepest truths about what is going on  ~inside~ them

only individuals and God...

and while I recognize there may be truths no blood, spit or xray test can reveal

that we only have observation/experience


we are moving through the recent tragedy  -and we are very much on the same spiritual page; hand in hand,

like, almost  -exactly the same spiritual page

and what I mean by that, is that, Robert does not need to spend extra energy/time helping me walk through it because I am falling apart in any way

and I am not needing to apply extra time/energy just trying to get him out of bed and walking through the basics of the day..

but I recognize the potential for that..    /I have witnessed depression/grief to point of despondency

I have myself had, and have witnessed over many years   -people with weak spiritual immune systems..

it can be a lot of extra work...   hard, long, extra work..

and I have myself now; and have witnessed, and am currently witnessing, people with very strong spiritual immune systems

  -for me, there is not an explanation outside of God; love; prayer

prayers ARE BEING ANSWERED  -our strength is demonstration

and I will return to post the top several Bible Passages I am leaning on, and directly experiencing

    -for now, my flawed memory:    there is a passage about peace beyond human understanding; there are passages about 'don't worry about the type of death man can bring..' and divine justice;  there are passages about not letting the weight of the world's troubles weigh us down;  there are passages about not fretting over injustices;  there are passages about God comforting those who mourn; there are passages about  -one day at a time; not worrying about tomorrow..     -there are passages about renewing our minds DAILY; and passages about being 'new creatures'  /which I very much am..

   -passages about evil-doers..

and, yes.. we have many passages about enemies..  and followers of Jesus know to forgive.., etc.

but I will share this too    -I am hungry to learn more about,   -how Jesus was born at the time of king herod..   and how did Jesus respond to herod?   -more about how disciples were guided to respond to herod

because i'm pretty certain, the Bible Passages regarding  'respecting authority, because all authority is determined by God...'    and, 'if your enemy is hungry; feed him..'     and 'kiss the other cheek'


well, I will have to re-read with great intention for learning/understanding   -but prior to re-reading, and prior to learning/understanding,

my current understanding, is that there are enemies; and there are evil-doers/wicked, and those are not synonyms.

but, in our current situation,  -we cast our care; trust God for justice

it is too big for us; we cast our care; we trust Jesus..  

we walk in love;

we move forward with gratitude for all the people helping, serving, praying, caring

and Robert and I are very much on the same page  -both with an understanding, and commitment, that this evil done to his sister    -we will not let that evil  -spread.   -we WILL NOT let the evil act/intention claim even more territory in our hearts/minds/souls via anger, unforgiveness, inconsolable attitudes, etc.

we know the TRUTH; and we are moving through the pain; FREE..

  -all for now,

hallelujah & amen.


Friday, August 02, 2019

LOVE Conquers evil. by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Thursday, August 01, 2019

cosmos square. a poem by (me!) sandra, tvgp

 was just a square of dirt
sometimes a square of weeds

and woulda stayed a dirt, weed square;  ~til' I read 'bout these:

poor soil  - preferred condition
sprinkle seeds on top

wild orange in all directions
tall blooms that just wont stop!

very little water needed
in this square that we de~weeded

which is now a happy thriving
bright orange and all alive~ing

square of smiles, that last a while..

and prove the sun's still shining.


from one angle, and one only angle only, which happens to be the view
from outside the kitchen window when i'm pouring morning coffee:

the heart seen in my wonderful surprise roses.   TYJ! amen