Thursday, December 31, 2015

Marlon Brando meet Edward Snowden.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

by this time, i have seen enough and read enough and lived long enough to know..    what i do and do not know; for sure.

so, i won't pretend to know whether or not Edward snowden is a whistleblower, a scapegoat, or a plant, or some hybrid.  the entire subject matter is so layered and so high stakes, so filtered through various media, etc.

but what i do know:  his behavior throughout the citizenfour documentary is authentic to the situation.

he reads authentic in voice, facial expression, tone, behavior.

if i were required to provide evidence for my claim, i would have the jury watch the Marlon Brando documentary, listen to me marlon.

this will at first seem counterintuitive, to observe an actor with the goal of observing authentic behavior, but

just do it anyway.    its a wonderful documentary, but i want to bring your heightened attention to an interview   -perhaps it is midway through:

it is after they show Dr martin Luther king giving his speech.  It is directly after Marlon remembers, and says something like.  'he knew he was going to be killed'

the important thing to note here is, in this particular footage, Marlon is not acting, he is being interviewed, and, the interviewer asks him something like,

"have you ever considered that you might suffer bodily harm yourself?"

-and now observe his reaction to this question.   -the nervous smile.  -prior to answering "yes"

what I know:   -that was not Marlon 'acting' nervous.   that was Marlon 'being' nervous.  

and you see this same expression of nervousness with Edward snowden.  

-now, what i also know:    authentic behavior, or more accurately, people who are authentic, can and will be used by people who know how to leverage and position said people as a chess player knows how to position his pieces.

-so, i won't pretend to know, whether snowden is a pawn..  with the false self-belief he is a whistleblower,

but let us imagine snowden is in fact a whistleblower.  and there is no master chess player with people as pawns..

what I know for sure:   there will be people who will comb through every word, of every sentence that snowden has ever written, said or thought    -with the goal of making certain they can spot the origins of a whistleblower type personality, so that..

well, the NSA will do this in hopes of never accidentally hiring a whistleblower again..

and others will do it, so they can intentionally embed one.


what i also know:   he is correct when he says,  /paraphrasing:

'.. we are the rulers and the ruled; we are no longer the elected and the electorate'

-and his concerns about intellectual freedom are valid.

-as are concerns about terrorism and national security and our need to spy to prevent horrors and tragedies the likes of September 11th, 2001.

the debate is also valid: privacy vs. security.

but i am of the long held belief however, that the debate itself is a bit in vain as advances in technology dictate this one.. 

and we are forced to acclimate.


the most acclimated among us; wink at the cameras and whisper sweet nothings into the air...

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

The Heart Seen... by (julie koopmann!)

if i were a college professor.. (me!) sandra, tvgp

-or high school...   but it would be mandatory viewing:


and then,

spymasters-  CIA in the crosshairs.

-in that order.   and then,  -because writing is the primary form of communication for some people; speaking is for others; art..  music..

but each student would need to respond to the double feature in their primary language.


...   /this has been another free lesson plan from yours so truly.
  -and you're welcome.

.. in my spiritual prime .. (me!) sandra, tvgp

Monday, December 28, 2015

The Heart Seen... on Stanley...

The Heart Seen... on my way home

Sunday, December 27, 2015

What a gift. acknowledges (me!) sandra, tvgp

oh.. its hard to collect data these days isn't it.   -with the cost and expense of hiring who knows how many people to track such a large population...


but look! what Santa brought for the children...   why its the vtech kiddizoom..

and the happy proud child just went around the whole house and collected fingerprints, and face photos from all the family visiting.

-thats a smart phone all write... 

Thursday, December 24, 2015

You better watch your language. -says (me!) sandra, tvgp

so, clicked on my app for breakfast, and read:

-furcula of a fowl...   and furcula, if i am pronouncing it correctly in my mind, is..   well, it just has that hint of obscenity

".. you grabbed what from where? "

and then to learn it involves two people..

".. yeah..  the furcula..  we both pull at the same time...   and whose evers is bigger wins!"

/i really wish i had this information write before thanksgiving instead of Christmas..

anyway..  furcula is not the word of the day, it is just part of the definition for the actual word of the day: merrythought;

which sounds holy and angelic compared to furcula.

merrythought is not what i guessed..    and you should guess too, prior to "you can look it up yourself..   all You have to do is click around on your phone..

..when I was a child...


but I will tell you this:  it entered the language around the 1600's.

and i immediately started wondering..   -for how long?   -and saw a gravestone in my imagination with the word


1600 - 1850

-because once wishbone entered our vocabularies, merrythought died.  that's what I think.

Oh! i just gave it away..  

but here's the cool thing about the digital world..  and search

-we can much more easily track the birth and death of words, and see their different life spans..

obviously merrythought was a smoker..  

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

A toast! " the alcoholic in YOUR family... from (me!) sandra, tvgp

i do not mean to come off brass..  im just lightheartedly acknowledging a common issue for too many families to count.

and while Jesus 2015-ish birthday bash brings out the best in many people,

it brings out the beast in others.   -here is all i know:

not 100% of people who drink alcohol become alcoholics.
but 100% of alcoholics drink alcohol.

i have met people who are alcoholics, and alcohol ruled their lives literally from bottle to grave.

i have met people who are celebrating 35 years of sobriety.

if i were an alcoholic..   i would invest as much time and energy as i could toward learning from, and hanging out with people celebrating sobriety.

even though it is 2015, and we have had, and currently have a gazillion people to learn from: biologically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.   -even with advances in technology and medicine

i still have told my under age children essentially,  "i am very sorry to tell you,  but there is no way to find out whether or not you are an alcoholic until you start drinking..   and isn't that awful!  it seems to me there oughta be a blood test or something by now.."

some advanced way to warn you..  this could save a lot of unnecessary hardship for you, if you are..  and save your family, friends.. everyone within loving distance a lot of grief.

there appears to be no one write way, or one clear path to sobriety.  for some, cold turkey, but not for all

for some, AA meetings and a sponsor and God..

for some, several failures before success..

for some the entire elimination of alcohol in their lives..

and i have also met bar tenders who abstain but who can be around it.

my prayer for alcoholics is as follows.  -to be mastered..  to be a slave to any substance dramatically short changes a potentially remarkable life.   addictions equal really yucky, very painful, dangerous and unfulfilling lives.   -and as you do not live or work in isolation but among others..  your actions also have quite an impact on others

my prayer is that you find the path to healing and freedom that is unique to you.   ~a much more rewarding, much more fulfilling life awaits you.

In Jesus understanding name,  ~amen.

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

My Mover & Shaker Today! (lisa!)

i have had the pleasure of seeing her mom now and again..  but i haven't seen Lisa since..  -for a long time.  She was one of our Movers & Shakers, when Kate Barton and I taught creative dance in the early 2000's...     and what a gorgeous young lady! -made my day to see you Lisa..   and to learn you are in college..  will be teaching and traveling in your near future..   Mover & Shaker in the world

"Merry Christmas!" and many blessings to your mom, you,  -your family...    "Thank you!" So much for stopping in to say hello

/and check out the picture in prior post from the archives..  not hard to guess which one she is with those beautiful brunette curls...

OOOOoooooohhh. now it all makes sense. to (me!) sandra, tvgp

Oprah calls it an 'aha' moment..  some call them lightbulb moments..    or, 'it suddenly dawned on me..'

but they are among both the most frequent and most exciting moments of my life..    touch of embarrassment usually mixed with enlightenment, because, well you are crossing over from not knowing to knowing.. 

it is most pronounced when the set up involves someone initially naive, -like (me!),   -and just a little slow to process..   -like (me!)

but it is internally a magical sensation when the bulb lights, or the dawn breaks, or the aha is released...    -im not sure what exactly goes on inside each of us..  dimmer switch? toggle? alignment? cross over? Un-synapse synapses?

but there sure is no denying our internal awareness of...

well, there was the time i travelled to utah ...  it was during my world tour of mag time frame demonstrations on local news programs in distant states

and all i really knew about utah was that it was like the scrapbooking capital of the united states

and scrapbookers were exactly the kind of people who went WILD! for my Mag Time Frames..

and i can't remember now, exactly what lines i was standing in..  coffee shop? see a choir?...

but i do remember chit-chating with different people in line to help pass the time and during one of my earliest conversations

the person i was talking to had gone on a mission...  and i was very intrigued to learn more...    Gods work!

and then later that same day, i talked to another total stranger in line, and it turned out that that person had gone on a mission trip too!   i listened again, very impressed and intrigued..

and then a third person! i talked to..   different place, different time.. but still in utah..

and i think i even really said, 'that is the wildest coincidence..   I've just talk to two other people and they both went on mission trips too!'


i was in my twenties or thirties.. who cares/doesn't matter... 

what does matter is this couple!  they consumed my thoughts for a while..  i had witnessed the two of them, -him successful and handsome, -her beautiful and talented..

at a few different large social gatherings.  -she just had a level of confidence in her man that i had never witnessed..   no matter what temptation of a woman engaged in flirtations with her husband; no threat/no concern/no reaction..

and he was just so casual, so relaxed, and attentive to his wife, in between the other mandatory social visits...

after three encounters, witnessing these two from not so afar, i had concluded they had something really,  -really!- figured out, and i rather wished they might write a book, or give some workshops..

"teach us!"

-later, in a private conversation, and in confidence, i learned that he was gay and they had a sexless marriage; it was only a kind of friendship/convenience thing they had worked out to succeed in the corporate world.

"OOOOoooooh!   now it all makes sense..."

and that is still a book, isn't it.  -they taught me things I've never forgotten..


and "OOOoooh again...  because it just dawned on me

write now, that i have to get ready for work..

Sunday, December 20, 2015

another/cyber by-path surgery. as experienced by (me!) sandra, tvgp is not opening..   ?   -but if i go to google first.. !  I can get the definition...    

I spy a pattern...   /just sayin'

Mistlefoe. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

the year was..  in or around, 1986.  -apparently a friend of a friend had the hots for me..   used the mistlefoe as an opportunity to lay a big passionate kiss on me

-see if maybe i felt the same way...

i felt invaded, attacked, disgusted.   -and walked around with an internal disdain for whoever started this hideous tradition for several months..   

okay, years.   the very sight of them makes it hard for me to digest my holiday cookies..

but holiday cookies..  !  nevermind.  -all better.  

Isaiah 7:14

"The Christmas Fish." photo by (me!) sandra, tvgp

-this, for me, captures the essence: the funk, the humor, the orderly, the eclectic, the creative, the beautiful, the seasonal, the everyday, the meaningful and the magical.  -the real and the imaginary; the obvious and the mysterious, the subtle and the bold, the predictable and the spontaneous, the serious and the carefree spirit

that is ricks picks.

..step inside my office.. photo by (me!) sandra, tvgp

masterful merchandisng by (julie!)

-and deeply appreciated by (me!)

U.T.I. of snowden, rall & others.. (me!) sandra, tvgp

oh! i could write for days, months! on end..  but let me share another one of my fantasies.  it goes like this:

5 years after a new community of houses were built, with..  "Free smart TV's!". and preinstalled " fire alarms!" In every room, and

/post a terrible/tragic mysterious odor that killed,

"Free! detectors in every room! -so you don't killed too!"

5 years after this heavily populated neighborhood exists,  a neighborhood meeting

mandatory neighborhood meeting is held.   the spokesperson says

"statistics pointed to the possibility that 1 in every 7 children were being abused in one form or another: sexually, verbally, emotionally and often all three.

we have randomly spied inside each of your households over the past several years.  -those of you who know you are guilty please step forward now and your sentence will be reduced.

do not bother running out the door..   

-those of you who are innocent, " thank you!".  please forgive the invasion of your privacy, -for it has been for a very good cause.


the innocent people are outraged...   retracing in their minds and imaginations, everything that may and probably was SEEN

but then, start receiving letters, gifts, cards, flowers, from children who have been saved and spared...  

rehabilitation is made available for abusers...

and the tragic statistics from that meeting forward show a sharp, dramatic decline of victims.


-entirely different page, -what is the quote?   -has to do with lower level employees responsible for reporting crimes to the very people who are responsible for the crimes themselves

-there are so many traps it is hard to calculate..  

we are living in times which clearly divide between

see-ers and the seen.   coders and the coded.

-there is a trap there too:   you want to observe authentic behavior but authentic behavior evaporates via observation.

Dear brain initiative subcommittee, its (me!) again, sandra, tvgp

follow up is key..  and i know you need time off for the holidays, but

-has ANYONE learned anymore

/or anything..

about the care neuron?

You..  in the suit...  
You... in the white lab coat..

costumes are unnecessary for this research:

assignment is as follows:  -there is this angry abusive alcoholic man in his early 20's

when we check back in a decade later; same condition.

when we visit him in his 40's; same condition/little worse.

50's; no change.

and then in his mid-sixties he dies an angry, abusive, alcoholic man.


Why did he never evolve, improve, grow into a better, healthier, kinder, person?   

This represents a large portion of the population.   -break the pattern.    give the gift of life and love...

"Merry Christmas!"

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Public "thank you!" to david walker from (me!) sandra, tvgp

i came across one of your Christmas cards at cost plus world market, and audible laughter could be heard inside the store..

turns out it was the only item I would be purchasing, but the line at the register was like, 20 people deep, and so I put it back and left for home.

but then I found myself making a u-turn, heading back, re-finding parking, going back inside the store, re-finding the card and waiting in line to pay for it

and everyone I show it to laughs and smiles. So..  way worth it.

With your permission,  /which i have via email requested, I will post it here.. 

-you know the one...     Santa, the sleigh, and two reindeer.. 

anyway..  "thank you!" for the laughter and the smiles; awesome return on investment.

Friday, December 18, 2015

Weakening my resolve.. (Me!) sandra, tvgp

-you must understand.. quite sincerely.. i think you are in the market for the "Betty homemaker" type you very mistakenly projected on me.. 

and, quite sincerely, knowing there might be a nice

-steak!  oh my..  steak ...    steak dinner...    

in it for me.  i wanted to spare you the waste of time and money, because, i am very far from the woman of your dreams..

but.. if you keep insisting on bringing me delicious desserts like that fresh baked cinnamon coffee cake.. 

im going to lose my resolve.    but the forecast is as follows:

wonderful steak dinner...  delightful conversation...

and eventually we each learn we are looking to have needs met that the other cannot fulfill..  

stop being nice to me!  well,  i mean,  stop weakening my resolve with desserts..   it will cost you a dinner and gain you nothing.

but "thank you!" and please tell mary her baking is..   

weakening my resolve.


Jesus...    the last steak dinner i had was like, in..  2012!


Thursday, December 17, 2015

Another?!? sexual fantasy.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

one observation i've made over the past decade is that there is a huge, growing, infinite market for sharing and/or selling sexual fantasies in one form or another.. texting/sexting; instagram;  skype..  its insatiable.    -the analogy for me..   i cannot actually share publicly

but it goes like this:  /and important to use a very breathy, sexy, low voice..

"...  after sex

a total stranger walks in my bedroom.  and he says,

he says..  " Sandra. i can see you have been working very hard, for a very long time, with little pay or recognition.  -here.   $$$

there is enough for you to retire early.". 

and I go, "OK. thank you.".   ZzzzzzzZzzzzz

the end.

"...WHAT A NIFTY PLAY!!!.....". agrees (me!) sandra, tvgp

-first we have the heroic cool save and pre-awesome score pass from #?  (is that klay Thompson..? someone get a close up..) to draymond green #23, and then the pre-awesome score pass from darymond green to bogut #12..  and then his lightning speed instinctive between the legs backwards pre-awesome score pass to curry #30..  

and then..  the awesome score!    -who else saw that coming?!


or in the sportscasters live version...



-and like, who uses the word nifty anymore?  -that's write up there with my use of the word druthers..   he must be over 50..

but in any case..  wow! awesome! of my favorite team plays of the night...    and they give us so many...  "Warriors!"

favorite dancing shoes.. for (me!) sandra, tvgp

-i wouldn't wear them in the winter..   they are sitting in my closet waiting impatiently for barones music under the stars 2016 season.  -one of them fell out and landed on my barefoot when a great song!
was playing on pandora

"don't i wish.." i whispered..  "its too soon though...

next thing i know, i was putting them on anyway.  danced alone in my room wearing my magic of macys guess wedges /on clearance!

and my happy giraffe pajamas.

"..  don't stop 'til you get enough..    keep on with the force, don't stop..  don't stop til you get enough..

Wednesday, December 16, 2015




Tuesday, December 15, 2015

I KNEW I WOULD FORGET by (me!) sandra, tvgp

-i have gotten to where i know certain things im sure i will forget; unless i take immediate precautions

-perfect example:  "can you run the dishwasher before you leave for work"

a request made while i was watching my morning church TV

"..  sure... "

'Sure,' it turns out, is almost code for: in one ear/out the other.

but im on to my own coding, so..   what i did was, open the dishwasher to help remind me..

but there are a few things to do between now and before i leave for work, and so.. that might not be enough on its own.

instead, i not only opened the dishwasher door, but put my car keys there.  i literally cannot leave for work without coming in contact with the dishwasher..

but you know what..  i have so much on my mind, that i still need you to pray for me and wish me luck..    amen.

With LOVE for fellow retailers, from (me!) sandra, tvgp

the kids in school are looking forward to a 2 week break; a large portion of the working class population will enjoy some paid vacation leave over the holidays..    -we, on the other hand, are looking forward to working harder, longer than ever..

"cheers!".  -for strength, patience, energy, in Jesus name, amen!

"my keith! my keith!" by (me!) sandra, tvgp

-this very morning

/after a several day communication absence..

i received a text from "my keith!".   i mean:  my keith.   or,  -from keith.  yes.  i received a text from keith.

it reads in three parts as follows:

need you to walk me through your blog.

heart you.

good night.

and then a  :(

-they were apparently sent last night after i was already asleep.


and how im going to reply, after i finish re-joycing, and learning from bishop Jakes is something like this:


well, first don't you know i have to play it real cool, like im not bothered at all! by the fact his communications went m.i.a. for several days.  -because, honestly i am so busy i didn't even really notice..

and simultaneously ignore the fact HE STILL HAS NOT ASKED ME OUT?!? ON A PROPER DATE

and! of course not let on that i already have a dress picked out.. 

which! im going to be wearing on a date with someone else very shortly because i can't chance that it goes to waste, and there is a free dinner involved..


all of that will remain strictly between just you & me.  what ill be texting him is:

ive been blogging for 10 years darling. -that's an awfully long walk. -but you remain one of my favorite chapters.


So, i know what im going to say.. my only decision now is how long before i send it.   /im not making a move.. not one move!  /and i do have some moves..

not one! without consulting the mighty counselor!   "dear Jesus...   

Monday, December 14, 2015

"Thanks Mom!!". love you! appreciate you! Xoxo

Sunday, December 13, 2015

Saturday, December 12, 2015

"Yes! you can have as many butterfly stamps as you want.."

-filing under kids that absolutely make my day.. 

the heart seen.. by (my daughter!) in Christmas cookies

-she text'd that she was baking cookies and one cracked into a heart.    of course i reminded her that's exactly how it happens..   Xoxo

Friday, December 11, 2015

"customer service." photo by (me!) sandra, tvgp

"...and thats a sign! my lucky number!" for (me!) sandra, tvgp

"..and thats a sign!". says (me!) sandra, tvgp

-keep your sense of humor

Thursday, December 10, 2015

"Thats a sign!" says (me!) sandra, tvgp

i can often hear my dads voice, "...oh, -you think everything is a sign..."

so, I'm kinda sad he wasn't around for this one...  I could have had some playful fun..

Rainbow coming write through the house, and revealing itself so specifically on these papers sitting on the table..

My son pointed it out to me..  

I go, "Gods covenant!   -those papers are blessed!".    -and i really am being two parts real; one part playful..

when i looked to see what the papers were..   homework: about Thomas Jefferson...        " oh yeah..  its for sure then..."


every time i see a rainbow these days i do let it serve as a visual reminder of Gods covenant..   and i say, "All things.." twice.  

Short cut for:  all things are possible with God..    And,  all things can be used for good...

In Jesus name,  -amen! 

Wednesday, December 09, 2015

created with love: san bernadino. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

Citizenfour. as seen by (me!) sandra, tvgp

i had, until last night, only seen the filmmaker interviewed by my charlie rose, and another fascinating, commercial free conversation it was..

i want to,   -that is, i will be watching this documentary more than once.  i have not read or studied the patriot act. i dodged much of the news/hype, etc. when the story hit big.. 

i just understood certain things.. some truths/some projections/some guesses/some assumptions/some intuitive leaps..

-that are basically obvious when you combine highly evolved technology with under evolved human beings..  and mix government, homeland security, common and uncommon citizens, foreigners, natives, natural and unnatural resources..  on and on.

of course it is complicated.  -of course our privacy is being invaded.  -this comes as very little surprise to (me!).   and here are some truths worth noting from my everyday citizen life in northern California, USA:

1. I arrived to the internet age and lack of privacy, with a chronic low level awareness everything i do can be, and might be, and probably is being tracked and traced and analyzed.    -what I don't know, is by who, when, where and to what ultimate aim.
potential aims seem to be:   -commercial; to manipulate me for financial gain.  -control/blackmail; to manipulate my behavior in the event i pose some threat to you being in control..   -to better understand/track human behavior in general..   im sure there are more but those are the biggies.  and snowdens position, as shared in citizenfour is correct..   when I rewatch, I will catch it verbatim, but to paraphrase for now:  we do not have a government and liberties/we have the controllers and the controlled.    -and, true also, -even under chronic scrutiny/surveillance, we are free-er than most other citizens in other parts of the world, but we are not genuinely free; and this does deeply effect intellectual liberties and deeply effects behavior...       and when time allows I will write more on the distinctions between when citizens are:

* knowledgeable/fully conscious 24/7 that there every move is under surveillance
* occasionally aware that maybe...
* under the false impression they have privacy here but maybe not over there..

-the most important thing to digest is this:  being under surveillance does alter behavior and    -here's a really wild scientific truth:  it changes behavior whether the human being is aware they are being watched or not..     and,  -it cannot be undone.   But i do not want to spin off there..  

I arrived to the internet/lack of privacy era with an entirely different attitude than the population at large.  -having been kidnapped and raped three different times, by three different predators, -all prior to the internet..      with a knowledge that I could have pretty easily been left for dead and no one would even know where I was, or how I ended up there..

I arrived to the age of perpetual surveillance with..   are you ready for this?!:


that's write.  gratitude.   -because in my PTSD days, in my mind/to myself, and sometimes out loud, I would frequently,

and not sarcastically, but quite genuinely, say.. "...if I end up dead on the side of a road somewhere, at least they will know where I was headed, when I left..  -and this will help them find me.."

for me..  a victim of multiple violent crimes..   I lived with the fear..  the fear worse than a brutal
attack itself.. 

-my fear, was the fear that no one could find me if I was kidnapped again.    -so, realistically speaking, I don't think I am anyone prominent enough in society worthy of close, detailed, scrutiny/surveillance..   but, I rather have enjoyed the thought, that..

if anything terrible happens again...   between my phone, my ATM card, my blog...    at least they will no where to start..   and this knowledge will help them find me.   I'm less worried about death, than I am being unfound dead.

anyway..  "Here I am!".   and, k...    " I'm over here now!".     and.. I actually use my phone, blog, and ATM card for all my purchases ON PURPOSE...

I am a three time victim of violent crime people..!  I want you to know where I am, and where I'm going..  because I feel much safer that way..

and same for my family members, my friends, my loved ones.

and it is very sad, but true..  I know I can't necessarily prevent another crime..   but I'm just grateful for the ability to provide lots and lots of clues about my last whereabouts...

"I'm at McDonalds now!"


now, this is also very true: I have rather severely restricted some of my own intellectual/emotional/spiritual pursuits exactly because I have this chronic awareness of surveillance..

That's a fact; a hard truth..    but in my heart and mind, based on my personal life experiences: I am making a trade off between unsatisfied curiosities vs.  -someone will find me if I disappear...

and I have voted, and continue to vote: yes..  Someone please find me..


this is also true for me:  I am wildly curious about human behavior; patterns; truths.    and I am aware people put up facades, create personas, are not always in positions to share truth for a variety of reasons...

I know, the only.  -only!- way to learn truths about human behavior is to secretly observe.   -we can never learn truths in lab rooms or clinical studies..     and so, while these agencies use surveillance to profit financially, to control behavior, etc.

I love to at least imagine, that there are people out there, -with the sole aim,  -of learning truths...

what are YOU really like behind closed doors?


new page: we do allow spying on people in the name of national security...

-as a child, i wished someone would spy on abusive adults/parents in the name of innocent childrens security..

let's consider Joyce Meyer's horrific childhood here for a moment:   -sexually abused by her father for how many years?  Raped over 200 times by her father...

does anyone have room in their heart, soul, mind..   -for security cameras in homes with the aim of capturing this crime and doing something about it?!

-stopping domestic and elderly abuse in its tracks...  

that's my fantasy:  not constant surveillance with the aim of commercial gain or behavioral control...

surveillance and spying with the aim of protecting innocent people and catching criminals.

-i cannot count the times I've wondered; pondered; dreamt:

what if google earth could have captured the lakeside rapist on camera...   and stopped him in his tracks..

how awesome would that be?!?


and I'll close here with this:   -how I can only laugh at the irony..  the irony of this huge concern addressed in citizenfour,  "they know everything about you"

and how my God given instinct is to blog up a storm, and share so much of my life..

How I so voluntarily help fill in any blanks that might exist between mere ATM records and cell phone calls..

"I'm at the movies now...   !".     " I'm at the library!".   "Here's where I work!"


and when people express their incomprehension at my willingness to share so much..

-because I make it so easy for people to find me..  and what if an evil person finds me..

my life experience proves that evil found me before the internet, before ATM cards, before cell phones and before social media even existed...

what im doing makes it so that good people can find (me!) too...

"I'm heading to the mall to Christmas shop!.... 

Thank you Jesus! Amen.."

Sweetest thing. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

now, in order to appreciate this sweet, sweet moment you need to know two things:

1.  the content/context of a fairly recent post where i explain that living with (me!) is more like having a pet than a wife.   -like, im not necessarily going to contribute to the household income, cook, or clean..  or do any of those traditional domestic things..

but, just like a pet, i still want to be loved, talked real sweet to, provided toys, gifts, long walks, baths, and things like that; every day..

2. you need a solid reference/familiarity with how when young children tell their parent(s) how much they want a puppy..   they always go into this routine, "... and i promise to love it and feed it and walk it..  and clean up after...".     -and there may be some minor truth.. some level of good intention tucked inside each promise, but there are several deeper layers of..     naivete; a portion of good old fashioned ignorance born quite naturally -and in fact, exclusively; from lack of life experience and a true recognition of just what you are signing up for when you are, say 8 years old, and making those promises.   -really, your heart is doing all the desiring, and your mind has by now learned what you need to say to your parents in order for your heart to enjoy that puppy..    -the cute part; the cuddly part; the fun and playful part..  the naming it, and showing it off to friends and talking to it, petting it when you are lonely..   playing fetch at the park..

-the child doesn't really understand, genuinely, the responsibility part; cost of food part; vet bills part; walking it even when you're tired part; finding someone else to walk it, when you are away.  Cleaning up poop.. the training..   etc. etc.      

and you need to know that we cannot count the amount of children who have desired a puppy and made these promises..   and we cannot count the number of parents who have surrendered..   with a very clear knowledge and understanding that their child will not be keeping their heart-felt promises..   and in fact, all the responsibility is really going to land on them; the parent     -this scenario has played itself out and will continue to play itself out for who knows how many generations..

K. Wait..  you need to know a third thing:

3.  i adore keith

-and now you can enjoy my recent sweet, sweet moment.   it went like this:

i was taking my morning shower, and a flash of keith went through my mind..    and then i kinda started to pray to God, like..   "can i have him for my very own!  -look how cute..    oh my God..  that smile! that voice! those eyes!...   i want him... 

and then i found myself making domestic promises..  like, -and i promise to cook, and to clean,...   and.. 

and i went on and on...   

and then..   then i saw Jesus' face..  and he had that expression

-that very specific expression that communicates essentially,   'now i know darn well you are not going to do even one of those things you just promised..   but..  

-and then i saw it!   the maybe expression!  like he was processing the fact that really, all the responsibility was going to fall on him

/which, just for the record; does anyway, but..

im pretty sure he's going to surrender...      he shook his head no, but with a hint of a smile..  the exact expression parents give their children when they know..  

that you don't know the realities of the responsibilities you are signing them up for.    -but if you beg and plead and make a bunch of promises, and say one of those long pleeeeeazzzzzzes..

its hard not to surrender.   -and we are made in his image..

we fold because he folds!      -write Jesus..   Amen!

Monday, December 07, 2015

Evil/cancer analogy.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

im going to hop, skip, jump into the middle of a conversation I had with a customer yesterday who was concerned about the evil going on in this world

customer: "..i believe we come from animals, and animals are territorial, and there will always be wars, that's who we are.."

(me!): "i hear you.. i am Christian.. yes.. there is evil.. I think it is like cancer and we need to catch it.. Prevent it from spreading..  from metastasizing.."

customer:  "I had cancer.  I had chemo..  it kills good cells and bad cells".   -her tone unsettled and with memory and current pain.

(Me!):  " I know. it is always so crude at first.. medicine, surgeries.. but as they make progress..  it gets less intrusive and more specific. That's a pattern.  Each year they are getting better at exclusively targeting the cancer cells..

and by the way..  you are wearing that very well..  you look beautiful, healthy.. I would never know..    beauty for ashes..."


and it is as true for medicine/surgeries as it is for wars: there are patterns..  good peoples lives have been lost along with evil peoples during battle (like healthy cells along with cancerous cells).. but as we make progress.. it becomes less intrusive and more specific..  targeting exclusively evil leaders/loyalists to said evil.

-and I should add on though, that it is also true, that the ultimate primary evil to detect, and kill, is not the people.. but their evil ideologies; we need to pull from the very root..

"VICTORY! Christian WARRIORS!" sports analogy, by (me!) sandra, tvgp

so, -i am watching the warriors with my sister..  not last nights game, but "congratulations! again!"

-we are watching a taped version of a game they already played, and we know in advance "THEY WIN!"

now, these close games have been  (reeking havok?)   -these close games have been tearing my poor sisters stomach to shreads!   -she hardly can take it..   -very often she has to close her eyes or leave the room..

So..  she LOVED watching the taped game, where we know in advance the "waaaarrriiiiiiooooorrrrrsssss" win.  -each time the score was close, or even when the warriors were temporarily behind

the fact that they win in the end, made watching the game a much more enjoyable experience for her; anxiety free...

well, that would be exaggerating a bit.  i was quite entertained to see she would still get emotionally involved here and there, as if the final outcome just might change...

but what i learned about myself, is that I much prefer not knowing the outcome..   it robs me of the emotional investment..  if I already know they win..  what I'm watching ..  my motivation for watching changes entirely:   now, I'm watching just to witness the phenomenal individual and team plays/shots; the spectacular choreography...    -which, by the way, is well worth watching, and repetitively..  because, I mean.. My good God! the shots they are making are..  miraculous!

but it certainly did dawn on me..  the Christian analogy:   -because one of the beliefs we hold as Christians is that

"We already know who wins! God gets the ultimate victory!   -even over death itself!"

-and it might appear sometimes like we are behind; it might appear as if we might lose..   it might feel too close to call sometimes..

but..  "we know who wins!!".    -and hopefully that alleviates unnecessary anxiety, without causing lack of interest and emotional investment from this preknown knowledge

-because while we do know who wins, what we don't know is when, where, exactly who and by how much...

Shakespeare described all the world as a stage; I think it might be more like an arena..

In Jesus undefeated name,   -amen!

Sunday, December 06, 2015

Its a little blurry, but fine. The Martha Stewart Story. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

-Martha Stewarts name has come up more than 3 times in one week, in what seems like, totally random, unrelated conversations, involving different people at different times,

but for me..   in the first conversation I hear it softly:

Like, blah, blah, blah, martha stewart, blah, blah, blah..

then when i hear it again, different person/time/conversation, but same day, it sounds like:

blah, blah, blah,   -Martha Stewart-   blah, blah, blah...

but by the third time, different person/time/totally different conversation..  when i hear it again, say the next afternoon, it sounds like:

blah, blah,   ~ !!MARTHA STEWART!! ~   blah, blah.


so, silently, internally, i said..  'i know what you are doing.. and i do not want to revisit that story..   '


then i got home all tired, and threw my scarf over my desk chair,  -at least that's where i was aiming, but then it hit a little jewelry dish on my desk, which had a small plastic container of fine, gold, glitter resting in it; and knocked it over on the floor.

it was not open, and so i was without any glittery mess to clean up, but when i picked it up,

!!!***   M A R T H A   ***!!!***  S T E W A R T   ***!!!

and so, i was like,  ' -fine!  i surrender already, I'll write the frickin' story...   AGAIN!       -but its a little blurry.    -which is how i prefer it, by the way..   if i have to choose between clear, and it can't be permanently erased.

and I'm only bullet pointing!'


*  i spend inordinate amounts of time, money, creative energy experimenting, experimenting, experimenting, until I found what seem to be

1. the perfect foundation:  wood/1/4" wide, 5x7
2. the perfect size, texture, gauge of metal.
3. the perfect pull strength, size, flexibility of magnet

*  i create a kit..   /skipping many adventures here, but..  
* i go door to door, cold calling independent scrapbook stores

* i demonstrate my Mag Time Frames...  and literally...  literally! the store owners and the customers.. GO WILD!

"Oh my God!  Do you have a patent,?   /multiply that all out by hundreds..      -everyone LOVES it..

trade show/advertising/marketing..   workshops/cold calls/demos/commercials.. TV shows,   blah, blah

blah,  -MARTHA STEWART-!    

her show called!   (Me!)!     "Mag Time Frames on Martha Stewart!"

* after being severely deceived and undermined by The carol duvall show..  maybe...  You know,  maybe this was my true big break!


I return the call. 
leave a message on the recorder. 
hyperventilate. have a panic attack. can't breathe.
I think I said my name, but when I went to leave my return number:

"...   4...84...     and then...  a big, loud, long scream...   

which would have been perfect for a horror film, I promise you.  -quite an impressive scream.   I hung up.

not my best day, or best moment.   And the business itself never really got off the ground and I ended up in bankruptcy, a chapter 13 or 11? Can't remember..   I made payments for 5 years..

but write around the time of my scream call,  Martha Stewart was sentenced to her jail time.

-not her best day, or her best moment either.


we've both recovered.    and last I saw of her was the Justin beiber roast..  and I thought she stole the show...  Super funny!


so there you have it

My Martha stewart story; again.      -now I trust you will leave me alone.

Saturday, December 05, 2015

Prelude to pleasanton's Christmas Parade & Tree Lighting

spoonerism. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

/i only know to call it that because it was's word of the day, -write after i said,

"yes.. i watched steph curry's dad receive the ceys to the kity."

Friday, December 04, 2015

Think i might be write...? (Me!) sandra, tvgp

-in response to a shared experience during BSF small group discussion. abbreviated, one woman mentioned how she used to really physically experience, by way of chills, the presence of the holy spirit, but she hasn't had the feeling repeat in a long time.  -it was pronounced when she first accepted Christ, which was during an extended period of intense grief brought on by multiple losses..

It came to me later in the week.. That I think this has to do with contrast.  If you are not highly spiritual and in pain, as you become spiritual and experience peace, the contrast itself allows you a certain awareness..

Crude example =  temperature change in a room.  if it is dramatic/significant,  then you notice and feel it..

but if it changes only slightly, subtlely   -you do not necessarily

~feel it; experientially/physically.

but once a spiritual walk becomes a regular part of your life..  and peace and prayer are a natural part and natural response..

now when you face hardships or experience victories, -there is not as much contrast spiritually/emotionally/psychologically..

it is more now like a subtle temperature change...   you are already operating at a higher spiritual level..    there is less contrast, and therefore less experiential difference.

it is not a sign the holy spirit is no longer working in your life.  The very opposite is true:   the holy spirit is working very well...

In Jesus name,  -amen!

It can all turn around write here. knows (me!) sandra, tvgp/writeousmom

my son: "i have a good feeling its going to be a bad day."

(me!):  "you have a -good feeling? its going to be a  -bad day?"

son:  "i mean I have a bad feeling its going to be a bad day."

(me!):  "what makes you say so?"

son: ".. because when i was brushing my teeth.. the brush (shows his upper gum line) slipped and hit me here.. and it started bleeding for like, three minutes, it wouldn't stop..    

(me!): " let me see...    looks good now, just a little red.."

son:  ".. and then when i went to get my lunch off the counter, the bag ripped..."

(me!):  "that's just  the devil trying to steal your day..  laugh in his face..  carry forward..     hey..  i have an exercise for you.."

son:  (rolls eyes/takes sarcastic tone):   "is this gonna be another God thing?"

(me!):   "..this is just a conscious awareness thing...  just to help make you aware,  -that's all.. 

so, youve had a bad day before,  -write.   everyone does.  -but they don't last forever.   at some point, it turns around.   the trick, the exercise,  is to try and be consciously aware of the very moment that things turn around.

-people come in to ricks picks all the time, and share with me some pretty yucky circumstances,  -bad things..    I say, " well, it all turns around write here, write now.."


by this time, we have arrived at school and they  -my son, and my nephew, negotiate their way out of the jeep..

I say negotiate because it does not have 4 doors..  there is a three step process that must be followed in order to let the person in the back get out..     and its always a tiny bit awkward.    I say, "its all cross training..".    -and do not mind AT ALL this less convenient life.

we've all gotten a little too comfortable; and are drowning in our lives of everything must be convenient..

oh! and did it ever make me laugh..  when my nephew opened the door on my jeep and reluctantly touched the handle that rolls

-manually rolls down the window.   -as in, you have to actually move your hand in a few circles to open or close the window.

he goes, " when I get my own car one day..  I do not want it to have one of these"


we are living in an on-demand, press of a button, world.   -but the human being, the human spirit, human relationships, tragedies and victories..  to evolve as a human being and live out your potential and destiny

time. effort.  effort. time. time. effort. effort. time.

God gives gift of unknown amount of time.  You give effort..

people would be wise to realize time is more valuable than money; and when considering return on investments..

-what is God getting out of the time he invested in you?


I've spun out a little further than my original intention


exercise:   when you are having a bad day, or bad time.. 

you get to know in advance that it will not last for your whole life.  you get to know in advance that it is temporary.  with a variable of course on duration and intensity.

-but the next time you -notice, you are having a bad day.   try to also. -notice/recognize, the very moment it turned around...


if you are secular or atheist or agnostic this is exclusively about conscious awareness

if you are Christian, this becomes about the enemy trying to steal your peace and joy..   but your trust and faith in God gives you the ultimate victory every time.

do the exercise in your own name if you want to..  for (me!) its

In Jesus name,   -amen!

Thursday, December 03, 2015

..on display at the (pleasanton library!)... pretty cool, huh..

"Merry Christmas Everyone!". -from (me!) sandra, tvgp

yes.. december is here, and it is time again for an encore viewing of my favorite Christmas classic:  God grew tired of us.  

The Heart Seen... & emailed by my (squidmann!)

Living legends.. appreciated by (me!) sandra, tvgp

-by the time I saw, and fell in love with the family-friendly, inspiring movie/documentary, pistol Pete, birth of a legend

his career and life had already ended; his legend living on...


and it struck me in such a what a blessing -how lucky and wonderful kind of way..   watching the warriors last night with my sister..

to witness legendary individuals, a legendary team, and legendary NBA season  -live!   -the privilege of being a fan write now..

in all the years I've known my sister..  this is the first and only TV viewing that has her standing up and jumping on her couch..

"thank you!".    you are blowing our minds!

In Jesus help them go undefeated name,  amen!

Wednesday, December 02, 2015

Rules for our first date. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

that's the whole funny thing..  we never had an actual date.   and when we finally do...   you may:

pick me up, meet my family, spoil me rotten, and all that.

but you may not!   -take me to your home afterward.

-because, I'm really, really, super curious whether or not I can remember all on my own, how to get there..

it has been a loooooong time..

but i did stalk you for a while...   and something tells me, that if I can get 3/4 of the way there..   in the general neighborhood

the last 1/4 will be like automatic pilot...

Tuesday, December 01, 2015

hey (keith!)... from (me!) sandra, tvgp..

no one makes (me!) laugh louder or more often than..

The Heart Seen.. on my (Stephen colbert!)

Princess Know Name Happy Wave.. that's (me!) sandra, tvgp

i am writing this in direct contrast to, -or follow-up really, to my post titled princess red face sinking heart..

because! in that post i mention the walking man.. who i thought maybe is James..   but, was suddenly struck unsure and insecure after learning Jessica was actually julia..

and I mention how I've been waving, -we've been waving to each other for years!   but, see what happen is that I traded my black Saturn hybrid writeousmom-mobile in for my jeep blue see..

so when I waved, it was to  -James (?), the walking man..

but when he waved back..  it was to the woman who drives the black Saturn that always waves to me..

I realized this, when I waved from my jeep..  And he never even looked my way..

I drove around again and even rolled down my window and hollered out "hi James!".   -and got a big fat nothing back.

oh! it was killing me..    do I have his name wrong? am I prepared for the embarrassment of yelling the wrong name across three lanes of traffic?

but I'm telling you, I had made at least twelve different attempts, at different places, on different days..  and never even got eye contact.

and I usually have to get where I'm going, so..  

well I did have it in my mind, that the next time I saw him, I was going to pull over..  chase him down.. show him my blue jeep.. and explain,  'wave to the woman in that jeep now, k..'


but.. what happen instead, is that my sister mentions she has always wanted to take this certain long walk..    and  -Gods creative choreography again!  -our schedules lined up so that we actually had a mutual window of time, and most importantly desire and energy all at the same time..

on this long walk we went...   and during our walk.. I shared with her all about what I just wrote about..  

she didn't know who he was..   I said, 'once I point him out, you'll see him everywhere!   he walks everywhere...  all the time..'

and she said, 'that's what happen with the walking woman.. now that you pointed her out.. I do see her all the time!'

Well, sure enough..  there we are walking on Stanley headed towards bernal.. and here he comes walking down Stanley toward downtown on the same side of the street as us!

I go, 'that's him!  I'm about to find out if his name is James or not..'

and we got close enough, I bravely dared, 'is your name James?'

AND IT IS!!    May I say here, that outwardly I remained all calm and cool.. but inwardly I was jumping up and down like a game show contestant that just won a big prize..

" I thought so, I just wasn't sure..  this is my sister Karin..  I was just telling her how..   well you know how you used to wave to the black Saturn hybrid..    "

and he remembered how it even used to have on the back window.. 

"Well, i don't drive that anymore..   I have A BLUE JEEP..   blue jeep..  So if you see a blue jeep, that's me.. so be sure and wave back, OK.."

and I went on to tell him how he's ignored me for I don't know bow many times..

and he went on to explain to me and my sister.. that he doesn't make a lot of eye contact with people in cars.. because.. -he's under the impression not everyone appreciates it..  some people seem irritated..

-that's just sad isn't it..

anyway, I said, "how far do you walk each day again.. ?".   and he said, he doesn't keep track about time or distance, " that would ruin it"

-and that is EXACTLY how I feel about my blog too! So I totally understand.. I do not keep any track how often, how many words, how many readers... 

I just blog at will..  until I feel done.  And then blog again, if and when the desire arises..

when they added graphs, and stats.. I was irritated. I never look.
I do notice the archive list...  months/years..  and I enjoy seeing a decade worth.. 

has added up without my realizing..

anyway..   yesterday it became all official..   I passed james while I was on my way to lunch...  rolled down my window.. hollered out his name...   and he looked! recognized the blue jeep...  and smiled and waved back."

-and all feels write in my world again.

Thank you Jesus!   -amen.