SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com: January 2019

The Heart Seen... recent highly adored contributions received by (me!) sandra, tvgp

"thank you!" squidmann
per email: Made for you fresh by the gopher this morning, complete with a hole in the heart!

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"thank you!" Amanda

By-Path Surgery by (me!) sandra, tvgp

the problem of not being able to upload pictures from phone to blog is not yet resolved. but as I have written about in abundance before -everything is pathways. and my go-around temporary solution (which I hope is temporary) is to send my pictures to myself via email.. then download... then access.

***

now.. I was wearing the biggest smile when someone was kind enough to ask (me!) yesterday

passerby: how are you doing?

(me!): well, I have a very sexy man and great meal to look forward to... in a new place my heart gets to call home..

***

I will not write again about -home-

what I will do instead is tell you how moved I was.. deeply touched.. when, in the not too far past, my mom and her husband rick came here to san jose for dinner /my temptation would be to say, 'to Robert's house' for dinner..

anyway.. they came here.. and "I got to cook for them!" one of my favorite meals Robert had made for me... which felt great, as they had had dinner waiting for me almost every night I lived there with them... slow cooked to perfection pot roast and hand-mashed fresh hot potatoes. I do believe it was a hit..

but, that's not the part that moved me.. this is:

when I walked through the door, my sexy had poster board on several different, currently empty walls/areas.

I just laughed and smiled so big.. and so did my mom and rick when they arrived. and we had a lovely dinner and lovely visit..

and

I

could

not

wait!

to do this:

to that:

and how much time? how many days? I didn't count.. but on a couple or a few days before I left for work.. and on a couple or a few nights before I went to bed.. and on one of my days off...

"thank you! Jesus! for the vision and the verve"

"thank you my sexy!" for letting me have my way with your bricks

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I love you so

***

and I have the vision and the verve for the next wall too..

which means I need the tools, supplies, time...

but, does this ever keep me joyful, having these projects

***

and i'm equally joyful in the kitchen, doing the dishes, cooking, learning, cleaning

enjoying meals with Robert and his son Justin

i'm equally joyful weeding the front/backyards with my sexy.. doing laundry...

everything feels like 'due season' as promised in the Bible

To God the Glory -and gratitude. amen.

Technical Difficulties for (me!) sandra, tvgp

unable to upload any pictures from my phone to my blog.. initial troubleshooting efforts unsuccessful. some great pix when problem is resolved..

in the meantime

***

Congratulations to (me!). I passed the mandatory test given at work yesterday regarding preventing/addressing sexual harassment in the workplace.

CH= many, but I will write of the main one that haunts me. It haunts me because I had a young beautiful girl turn specifically to me for help.. and I did nothing.

The first thing I want to say is this... If I were presented with the exact same situation today -I could and would find the words, and directly address the issue -but I could not find the words at the time

I am simply more mature and better able today...

but honey, I am so, so sorry I let you down. In prayer I have forgiven myself; believe I am forgiven

***

what happen: -the beautiful young woman could not take a break, or have lunch without finding herself in the company of an older, married, male co-worker.

it is true that he never said anything inappropriate.

it is true that he never made any gesture, or tried to touch her -he did not make physical contact.

none of his words or actions were inappropriate. it was more that he just didn't pick up on ANY SOCIAL QUES she provided that she did not desire his company over and over

if she had her lunch over there... there he was.
if she went instead over there.. there he was..

if she changed the time... there he was..

being friendly, conversational..

add on, the friendly/conversational married man was a coach of young people

perhaps he felt more qualified to talk to high school students.. like he had a special rapport

add on, at the time, I was relatively new to the corporation, and the friendly/conversational gregarious man was well established and well regarded by executives

I could go on and on about the nuances; everything that factored in..

coming up with a million excuses why I couldn't and didn't find the words..

I lost sleep some nights.. how can I say? if it doesn't go well.. to who can I turn?

but by the time I thought maybe I had found the courage

the young beautiful woman had quit and left the corporation.

I never had a chance to apologize.

If you ever read this... you'll know who you are. very sorry I let you down. please forgive...

***

if it happened today.. it all seems so simple and uncomplicated and easy almost

"hey.. can I talk to you a moment... I know you probably mean well.. just being friendly and conversational.. but, the young beautiful woman you always keep company at lunch

she has expressed privately to me that she'd like to have lunch alone sometimes... it is her time to text on her phone, or read and relax.. she feels monopolized sometimes.. -if you could honor her space.."

why was that so hard? I can't explain... why so hard then; why so much easier now..

but,

I bet the same is true for you..

you couldn't find the words either.. to talk to him directly.. to politely ask to be left alone

but I bet if we fast forward a year, three years.. five years

it becomes easier.

but you turn to me... and I let you down. This is not a mistake I would ever let happen again.

In Jesus name.. amen & amen.

***

file under: skill sets we should teach very early in schools and at home...

The Sanity Plea -se. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

the end of December ='s inventory at work.. 2 to 3 days of it, which, only after genetics, is the leading cause of baldness. the beginning of January ='s, the packing up and putting away of all Christmas products, décor and displays. this is very similar to moving.. and involves many, many, cardboard boxes..

anything reminiscent of moving is just..

but add on, that the Christmas items getting packed away must also be inventoried.

it is a marathon of monotony and I think sometimes I might just be losing my mind.

yesterday:

flesh "you could just keep walking … to the parking lot... get in your jeep and go..."

holy spirit "or you could continue toward the warehouse and get the job done"

and so I went to the warehouse and got more of the job done.

and I was thinking silently to myself /the word silently is necessary here, because I do sometimes think out loud

, I was thinking.. I was briefly proud of myself for my new level of endurance for the monotonous and how much I had already accomplished toward the greater goal

inventory -check/done! it is behind me, like satan…

and packing Christmas.. the lions share is done! check!

by end of day tomorrow it will be behind me too

and then,

in that very moment, i saw a flash vision of my W-2 in my minds eye, and heard a whisper in my minds ear

Tax Season.

and I had to laugh

out loud.

which appeared to my co-worker, just passing by, rather odd.

/there she is again, all by herself, -laughing...

-think she might be losing her mind

***

it is in fact, a great team effort.. taking down, dis-assembling, organizing, running inventory tapes, labeling, packing, storing -and I am blessed to work with dedicated co-workers, all in and on board to get the job done -write.

TEAM ALDEN

thank you Jesus -amen.

Speaking of Jesus... (me!) sandra, tvgp

not as frequently as I used to, but more frequently than I would ever wish to

I find myself in the presence

within earshot,

or in direct conversation

with a fast talker.

I do not use the word fast here with the definition of speed/words per minute

but rather colloquially

a fast talker.. a bullshitter… a manipulator.. a great debater, but skilled for win, not truth. an influencer, persuader -but again, for the win; for selfish gain; not for truth

the skilled salesperson -making the sale/profit without any regard for proper match between consumer and product

the academic with a superiority complex -not using knowledge to help teach/grow a person, but rather to demonstrate how much more educated they are than another -using knowledge to belittle someone, and exalt themselves

the jealous and insecure -with a verbal skill for marginalizing the accomplishments of others..

I could go on

it has to do with motivations/intentions /which I also awe at...

but,

of the many, many, many qualities I love about Jesus

Jesus was not a fast talker.

Jesus was not a sales personality type.

Jesus was not a scholar with a superiority complex.

Jesus was not belittling anyone to make himself look better in the eyes of others or to boost his own ego or marginalize anyone elses accomplishments

and we are living in a world now where -follow- is a very important word

how many people 'follow' you
who do you 'follow'

popularity is falsely being associated/correlated with actual human value/self worth..

one of the benefits of being in my 50's write now, and not a tween, teen or young adult

is that I already know better

and I could not care less about how many people 'follow' me

and I am very grateful and proud to follow Jesus.

-amen.

Fabulous Fireworks. photo by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

and so you can see then, if i so easily awe at seeds which yield pretty colorful flowers; how much more in awe i am of human beings

from the union of.. into cells.. and then consciousness, conscience, moving, breathing, running, swimming, decision making, learning, making up and changing their minds, breaking and healing hearts, immune system, gifts/talents, regrets/forgiveness, inventions, intuition, instincts... learning, ignoring, focus.. determination.. imagination/dreams..

hope. faith. love.

the spectrum of physical/mental/spiritual abilities we can consciously aim to master;

the amount going on in and through and on us, on its own.. the pumping of blood, beating of the heart, blinking of eyes..shedding of skin...

there have been

and are now

and will be

many discussions about human beings as masterpieces

"you are a masterpiece!"

and its true.

I think it is a good exercise to consider a piece of technology and marvel at all its capabilities, bells and whistles

and then compare it to all that human sentient beings can do and -feel-

including!

-imagining/making/designing/manufacturing/distributing the very technology that can do so many amazing things

and then to note

God is to humans; as humans are to technology

***

today i'll be thinking about intuition, inspiration and fractals.

In Jesus Name! amen & amen.

Great Treasure!! to (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I always pack it.. and I always delight in coming across it again when I unpack boxes.. I remember I had juju read it out loud when I lived with her and just giggled and laughed.. and this weekend when I came across it, I had my sexy robert read it out loud.. and I just crack up every. single. time. i am more grateful to have this misspellings, uncorrectly interpretated into almost engl-ish-ness paragraph than some of my most esteemed highly polished and professional literary works.