Making Things Write by (me!) sandra, tvgp
(me!/~tops): "baby, i can't get Kristina off my heart.. you know how sometimes, people do awful things.. and then they go around from school to school, speaking.. and make all kinds of money sharing their story...
what do you think of this? -if the kid that killed Kristina.. instead of just getting out of jail.. he was mandated to speak at different schools, only he couldn't profit from it, all the money would have to go to victims of violent crimes -it was a very violent crime..."
(robert/my sexy/retired deputy 27+ years service in jails) "but what are you going to do if he doesn't comply? send him back to jail? who will monitor? what if he does make money off it... just another criminal doing another crime
the best thing is just more jail time.. 7 years keeps us safe for 7 years... he'll end up going back.. -sometimes the best thing is just to send them to jail and throw away the key
we spend too much time feeling sorry for criminals.. it's not our job to rehabilitate -it doesn't work
***
but i will spin this around in my mind and heart over and over... i have such a desire, as i believe many people do
i want to make things write.
it's an overwhelming issue with no easy answers. -so, exactly because he has 27+ years working directly with inmates
and i have over 27+ years worth of recovering from kidnappings and serial rapist(s)
and the more recent violent murder of his sister, by her own son, his nephew -currently in jail, with 3 or 4 years before any formal sentencing will be achieved
you can bet we consider and discuss on occasion, crime & punishment; justice; spirituality
his life experience has sent him in the "lock 'em up and throw away the key" direction. He does not believe we should invest in "rehabilitation" it doesn't work. and he is sickened, as i am too, at how often criminals are pampered, helped, aided, supported, and put in a sympathetic light to the public, while law abiding good people experience so much pain, suffering, injustice, violence, murder, rape, robbery -and end up unheard, unsupported and invisible.
i rather wish, based on what we do know now, that we could start the entire system all over; not "reform" it
scratch it; start all over...
what i struggle the most with, is how unless we make some effort to rehabilitate, then we are in fact, setting every single criminal up to fail upon release
in this case, Kristina Chesterman's case specifically, the devastation/trauma to her family, friends, loved ones and community at large is both impenetrable and unquantifiable. There is no amount of money that can be received; there is no punishment equivalent in pain and suffering to the violent death of their 21 year old daughter from his blatantly negligent drunk driving
but as i am not unfamiliar with devastating trauma, i am compelled to weigh in on what i've learned about Kristina's death, the subsequent prison sentence, which ended recently, and the healing process.
I am sickened, as the family is, that the drunk driver has been released from prison and may now just go on in freedom to live his life, while the Chesterman family's loss of their daughter is permanent and irreparable. -Something doesnt seem write about that...
but worse, I keep checking with my retired deputy... "and so, for 7 years, he has not had to work, he has not had to make any of his own meals, or wash any of his own clothes, -he has had zero responsibilities, while locked in a cell... he's been able to have recreation time, and visitors, and tv entertainment.. and then one day he walks free?
and as i've mentioned before, i am a college graduate, with no prison record, and some pretty quality friends who will vouch for my character, and former employers who will vouch for my work ethic..
-with all that going for me, i still find the process of finding work, interviewing, making a living wage, etc. -not easy; let me just say that.. daunting actually
so, when i consider a released prisoner, with a drug/drinking problem, a prison record which includes manslaughter -7 years with no work or responsibilities required
-something's not write about that either -that seems like a 100% recipe for further failure.
i struggle if i've hurt someone's feelings...
-if i killed someone? someone's 21 year old daughter? and it was because i was drinking and driving...
i can see where the weight of that might lead directly to more drugs and alcohol
but i'm always projecting my pretty healthy functional Christian values on what my retired deputy might just refer to politely as "thugs"
if he were to describe and define "thug" to you.. it could be summarized as individuals who just don't give a "f" about you, or anyone
they don't care
and in Kristina's case.. the family has shared that the drunk driver has never expressed remorse; has never reached out; never apologized..
and how if he did.. it doesn't bring Kristina back, we well know, but it would help.
-don't we all agree
and then that sends me thinking about how we can't reach or crawl inside a human being and MAKE THEM feel remorse...
/and here i re-see in my mind, Polly Klaas's murderer, who not only did not show remorse, but in fact, taunted the family in the courtroom
-someone remind me why he is still getting three free meals a day
anyway,
i realized this truth about my own value system recently
it goes like this:
IF -IF all of our law abiding, basically good contributing citizens had shelter, food, schools, jobs, air conditioning/heating, -the basics..
if all of our law abiding citizens had the fundamentals - i might not complain at all about criminals and their free shelter, meals, healthcare, laundry service, recreation, entertainment, visitors..
but our law abiding, good and contributing citizens, from elderly to youth.. such a large percentage of them are doing without the fundamentals -and exponentially increase the number of homeless; or healthcare-less; or foodless; due to the Covid pandemic
and we all know somethin' just ain't write about that either...
and, due to the pandemic -we have actual convicted criminals being released, while we are unjustly making criminals out of small business owners who are actually trying to make honest livings.
can we start over
i'm not sure exactly how much it costs to house, feed, clothe, entertain & provide healthcare for a prisoner for one year
but in my imagination at least, it is too much. In my imagination, we provide the fundamentals to each and every law abiding, good, contributing citizen FIRST
and then IF there is any remaining -we create a budget for the prisoners from that.
You've been seeing "defund the police" -and i say, "defund the prisoners!"
/and as i've mentioned, corrupt police are criminals. weed them out...
The number one thing jails/prisons do successfully; once a criminal is convicted
they can keep them off the streets; and communities safer for the time of the sentence.
this brings us to recidivism rates. a non-fact-checked quick internet glance suggests
64% percent of criminals convicted of violent offenses are re-arrested within 8 years.
what shall we make of this:
i vomit to consider how many unreported crimes take place within the 8 years..
but,
really,
does the recidivism rate suggest
1.) the sentence was not long enough to begin with?
2.) once a violent criminal; always a violent criminal?
3.) prison system itself sets criminals up to re-fail
4.) -or, as there are a number of "programs" prisoners do get to take for "free" to help them transition back to civilian life
is rehabilitation a waste of time, energy, money?
and that brings me back to my "fundamentals budget" idea.. because i also learned recently about a different deputy, with a great work ethic, and good heart, etc.
who was struggling to pay tuition for her children's college education
but, how there are "programs" where inmates get to take college courses online for FREE.
again, if our law abiding, hard working, basically good, contributing citizens were not struggling
i would have no issue with inmates receiving free college classes..
but, because that is not the case.. there is no scenario where i believe convicted inmates should receive better, more, free or less expensive things than our good citizens
as i've mentioned before, and the thing both my retired deputy husband, and myself completely agree on:
The results are already in!
We had a tough on crime era, and crime was lower... streets were safer... deputies/police were the good guys, respected and serving..
We've had (are still having) our soft on crime, soft on criminals, prison "reform" era, where the criminals are not accountable for their actions, society is at fault for everything, and we make excuses, and coddle, and provide extra care.. /remember here, earlier in the year, deputies were instructed to toss rose petals, share starbucks coffee and designer donoughts with the inmates.
we are continuing now to empower criminals and disempower authority figures..
the results are in! and in an imperfect world, where good and evil will always co-exist, the best we can do is increase numbers on one side, and decrease on the other..
under our current soft on crime/criminals culture -we have an increase in crime/criminals
under our former tough on crime culture -less crime/criminals; more safety on the streets..
let us respond to the results that are already in!
this means of course, that Gavin should automatically be out
the other thing that keeps replaying for me, is Gavin's -very dramatic quote:
But most of all, the death penalty is absolute, irreversible and irreparable in the event of a human error."
it keeps replaying..
because what is the actual number of convicted criminals who have been released who, upon release, murder someone?
Richard Allen Davis was released. He murdered Polly Klaas -that murder, is 'absolute, irreversible and irreparable' -the human error was his release from prison the first time
My own kidnappings/rapes that I survived 'absolute, irreversible and only by the grace of God.. restored" -but, the human error was releasing these known predators from jail in the first place
Kristina Chesterman -her murder 'absolute, irreversible and irreparable'. the human error: the decision for "felony" probation, which liberated him to drink, drive and kill a 21 year old nursing student.
Gavin's concern for human error utterly spares the lives of convicted rapists and murderers on death row; while utterly ignoring the 'absolute, irreversible and irreparable' deaths which result from the release of prisoners.
and if i may borrow from the famous quote
i do not sing because i have the answers, i sing because i have a song
and the chorus of my song,
"not tomorrow, now's the time... tough on criminals.. tough on crime..
***
I had the honor of talking directly with Kristina's mom, also named Sandra. It has been 7 years since her daughter died, but only months since the remorseless drunk driver was released from prison.
Remember how i've said, we come to earth with instructions. what we love to do instructs us on what we are here to do; what suffering we endure instructs us on who we are here to help
The Chesterman's Family suffering has evolved into help: Sandra's mom has a card she handed me
It shares In Loving Memory Kristina Chesterman January 14th, 1992; September 24th, 2013
kristinachesterman.org. On the back,
Kristina was well on her way to achieving her childhood dream of becoming a nurse when she was tragically filled by a drunk driver while riding her bicycle. She was 21 years old. Please don't drink and drive!
***
I would also learn some pretty remarkable things her family and the public did in the aftermath of this tragedy
-Kristina's organs were donated, and as a result, helped save 5 lives!
-Kristina had a bucket list, which was found in her college dorm -on the bucket list, 'save a life'
-Her parents, and the recipients of her organs, and kind people touched by her life story -helped accomplish the items/places on Kristina's bucket list
-Kristina wanted to participate in Doctors Without Borders, and although her death prevented this opportunity, a health clinic in Nigeria has been built in her honor.
All of this contributes to the parents, siblings, and loved ones healing process.
Earlier in the year I shared our letter from the organ donor program. Cynthia's organs were donated also. This always brings the Bible passage to mind for me: All things can be used for good...
/even really awful, painful, tragic things...
and, also, we just wait... it can be 3 to 4.. maybe even 5 years before Ryan is sentenced. I do not understand why it takes so long... but, we have done all we can do, and live our life without too much preoccupation about Ryan's courtdate & sentence
this brings to mind for me, the Bible Passage, -having done all the crises demands..
We keep God first and we continue to pray every. single. day.
We find a million things to be thankful for... and keep on keepin' on...
being creative, having fun, bringing joy, celebrating family/friends...
and our ability to do this in the face of not only our own challenges, but all the chaos in the world around.. this brings us to "do not grow weary in well doing...
and, it seems true: we have hoped in the Lord, and our strength is daily renewed
we soar on wings like eagles; we run and do not grow weary; we walk but do not faint
We Fight the good fight of faith, and!
live life one blessed day at a time.
And as mentioned before also.. we solidly believe that to become preoccupied or bitter or angry or impatient, etc. -any of that would be to give even more territory to the enemy. We consciously, proactively, daily give our mental/emotional/spiritual energy, time, space, activities to God. -and the fruits of the spirit: Love, Peace, Joy, Patience, Kindness, Gentleness, Goodness, Faithfulness & Self Control.
Amen & Amen.
****
Spiritual Warfare Exemplified:
I came across the article about Kristina's memorial being vandalized on the 6th year anniversary of her death.
When you read it, you will learn that instead of getting angry, vengeful, hateful, disgusted, upset (flesh) Sandra Chesterman shares instead about how much she has come to love and appreciate the Chico community, and how grateful she is for the love and support they have shown the Chesterman family, and the ways they are honoring Kristina's memory (spirit)
Wow to you Sandra Chesterman!
i continue to do a fair amount of thinking/praying on the topic of spiritual warfare.
we have our individual battle, between flesh and spirit (Galatians 5:16) so i say, walk by the spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh
but you always need the wisdom to distinguish/recognize fleshy responses/thoughts/actions vs. spiritual responses/thoughts/actions..
and then there is the spiritual warfare we are in, in the world, as Christian soldiers
-we have our military branches, army, navy, air force, marines /and now, space force
but they are hardly the only ones at war. we are all on the front lines when it comes to spiritual warfare
in every day life
love vs. hate
peace vs. chaos/upset
joy vs. sorrow
patience vs. agitation
kindness vs. rudeness
goodness vs. evil
gentleness vs. harsh & hard
faithfulness vs. infidelity
self-control vs. being controlled by outside influences: people pleasing, drugs, alcohol, mass media, social media, fleshly emotions/feelings, negative thoughts, temporary crises/circumstances, low self esteem, superiority complexes, etc.
our battles are daily. and for the first couple decades of my life, i was a prisoner of that war, and having walked with God now for decades; i, at last am experiencing being 'more than a conqueror' and am, at last, living a victorious life! in the words of Bishop T.D. Jakes.. i am not just free
i am free indeed!
To the extent Sandra Chesterman and her family members can remain focused on love, gratitude, the lives saved.. this is spiritual victory.
They are not letting evil claim even more territory.
May God Continue to Bless, and Keep and Comfort, and Lift You
Wine, Diamonds, Copper, Bronze by (me!) sandra, tvgp
and as i've mentioned recently -there are a plethora of books, with different authors, at different times saying the exact same thing, using different words -and i wrote that in regard to "holding our thoughts captive" -inventory your thoughts; proactively delete, change, choose thoughts that serve you/humanity at large
lots of people teaching about 'visualizing' with your imagination, and making yourself 'feel' like what it would really feel like to achieve your goals -explaining how the subconscious can't distinguish between imagination/reality -law of attraction, and all that...
what i want to capture next, is the same thing but different topic. -because again, we have a plethora of books, with different authors, at different times, saying the exact same things, but using different analogies
the essence is this: pressure eventually yields something beautiful..
many people use "diamonds" as an analogy, because it involves a great deal of heat, and lots of cutting before you get a valuable diamond -i.e., heat reaches over 2,000 degrees Fahrenheit; INTENSE PRESSURE, approx 725,000 pounds per square inch is applied to carbon deep in earth's crust..
lots of people use the pounding of ocean waves analogy
and in, breaking ground, by daniel libeskind, he writes, pg 261 hardcover,
"Still, I hoped the pressure would lead to something fruitful. A wine press or an oil press, after all, distills the essence while getting rid of the dregs. And architecture, like life, is always under pressure. That is its true nature. To withstand pressure is the essence of integrity, for a human being or building"
in the Bible, -beauty for ashes and many other passages
in one of Bishop T.D. Jakes sermons -from a series, if I remember correctly, was titled, 'CRUSHING'
he used a Copper Boiling analogy.. "God turns pressure into POWER" -boiling away impurities..
-and i don't have the time to re-read every one of my books, and find that one paragraph, but certainly
every author, teacher eventually finds an analogy to explain, to identify, to help us prepare, to help us cope with the same very hard truth:
there will be intense pressure(s) -and if you can withstand it; or withstand them...
-you are probably most familiar with, "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger"
so, hopefully i can spare you having to read one hundred books, or watch one hundred movies, all confirming the same thing: the more intense the pressure; the more valuable the pressure-taker becomes
In Christian teachings -the level of attack/pressure, is directly related to how much of a threat the enemy considers you
-therefore,
We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.
/and i confess here.. i am sometimes using pressure/suffering as synonymous
when that is only sometimes the case. all suffering is pressure; but not all pressure includes suffering.
-more later; amen.
