Sunday, December 31, 2017

External Memory Storage -for (me!) sandra, tvgp

yes.. my blog  -external memory storage.   -there is apparently not enough room in there..  keeps spilling:

so, yes..   I laugh at myself, at the.. paradox? irony? contradiction?   -because, I am in love; its true.  and we have been so intimate; as lovers tend to be..   and, yet

Robert:  "I might just pop in the bathroom while youre taking a shower, to brush my teeth.."

(me!):  "you will not.  I do not know you well enough yet.."


and good Lord, do any of my imaginary readers remember (#?) of my most  -most!- embarrassing life experiences?    how there was that one time I added more water to the toilet, to avoid having the splash echo throughout the neighborhood..   and how,

how I learned, that the water level in the toilet  -is at the level that it is, for very good reason..

because if you add more,  and are sitting, as females tend to do,  and then go to wipe...

honestly..   I am not my mother's brightest child.. just a very self-conscious one

and, there I was facing the same dilemma in Robert's room...           where he paused the TV show we were watching, so I wouldn't miss anything when I used the restroom..

but then, when he paused the TV show:    

            -dead silence-

so after a prayer, I just opened the bathroom door back up, and sat next to him, in a cold sweat, with a blushed face,  "I can't go.  it's too quiet!  it seems like it will echo to three neighbors down in each direction.."

and, that's when I learned that not only is he sexy as all get out, but he is compassionate too.   and, I just love thanking him for being sexy and compassionate.

and he seems to like the way I express my gratitude.


revisit:  kernel of truth.  how excited I was, when I realized..   it does not mean  -small.   which is how most people employ it in conversation..  as meaning a small amount of truth within a larger communication

but what it really speaks to is this:   truth,  -is like a popcorn kernel in a microwave   -it pops out under pressure.

interrogators are well aware; so are parents...


what you see is what you get   -revelation here for me also..  because most people employ this in conversation as a way of saying,  -this person has nothing to hide; no agendas; no manipulative persona to mask.. no fa├žade   -what you see (the good, the flaws) is what you get.

but,  -what this can also mean!  has to do with understanding the law of attraction:   what you see

in a person  (what you choose to see, when we know everyone has flaws, strengths and weaknesses)

is what you get.  

so, if you see the flaws; the flaws will be magnified; if you see the strengths; their strengths will be magnified.           -what YOU see.. is what YOU will get


rape on college campuses/by students:   my most immediate response is that we need to bring back the guillotine.  -and as ive written in length before, I will just note:

1.  the college students responsible for raping other students   -they have 'qualified' for college.  they have files..   with letters of recommendation from teachers, professors..  singing their praises.

they have academic credentials..  good grades/test scores

how does this GARGANTUAN evil and unevolved character quality get missed?   by so many people in teaching and leadership positions?   -what have we been teaching about the importance of respecting fellow human beings vs. how important it is to succeed academically?  get good grades, and 4.0's

we need to TEACH the importance of respecting fellow human beings with even more vigor, passion and emphasis than we do math and science  -and until students demonstrate this as a core competence    -no diploma; period.

I try to imagine that..   a shift in what pressure students experience..  write now, they feel pressure to make good grades, pass certain tests,   -pressure to qualify for specific colleges

what if the pressure they experienced was   -you better be able to demonstrate respect for others..   you better know all the humanitarians...   you better be able to demonstrate you are evolving in that direction...

and, currently, it is all, hush/hush..  because  -money and reputation-  for colleges are at stake, and  -who would want to send their young adult child to a college where...   and, so they are at risk of losing student populations; i.e.,  TUITION.

but making money and reputation more important than truth, safety and justice is exactly the mentality that breeds the problem in the first place; and contributes to its growth

   -show me the college that does not hush/hush the issue

  -show me the college that addresses it immediately, loudly, boldly   -holds rapists entirely accountable; publicly   -the college that punishes the crime; the criminal.. and works to make the college campus a safe place for everyone  -where truth and safety are more important than $$ and reputation..

because that IS the reputation worth risking/fighting for    -and these students are the future of the world      -each campus/population a micro-version of the world to come..

and the more we can improve the culture on each campus..

truth, safety, justice, respect for one another    /no one should graduate unless!

the better off the world will be.

                          /should we send rapists to jail.. or back to a type of mandatory school where you must learn what apparently you did not...


I am near the end of a gentleman in Moscow..    I positively love the writing! the story! the characters..  and as you know, I forced myself to read it slowly..

we all want to stretch out our favorite things/times/reads.. yes

and it was my plan to finish reading it on the airplane to montana..  but,

I ended up sitting next to one of the easiest and most engaging people to talk to, and we talked the entire flight!    name a subject   -food, movies, documentaries, India, God, prayer, college, family, friends, Tolstoy,    -he is a phD student at univ of Utah, if I remember correctly, and is going to contribute to making the world a better place via,  -flexible solar technology

never did get his name, but..   enfolded in my prayers for success..

and it struck me..  the last time I talked through an entire flight..  /ignoring the fact he tried the kindle trick to dissuade me

well, on that occasion I blamed the seattle coffee..   I usually respect social queues pretty quickly,


maybe, it wasn't the coffee.. maybe, it turns out, I just delight in meeting total strangers.


"Thank You!"  here to my dad and Chris.. turning me onto     -So moved by the founders story..  her dad's story..    her motivation..   and her ted talks..

would love to be a part of that team    -and when they ask what languages

I answer:  English; Secular and Christian.

   -and I am absolutely convinced..  well, whenever I hear about a book translated into (#) languages,

I think,

this is really what languages they should be translated into:  Secular, Christian, Atheist


and I hope one day, students will take me up on the challenge:   translate Robert Schuller's work.. from atheist perspective

translate Christopher Hitchens -from spiritual or Christian perspective

apply world views to interpret biographies;   -that is all any of us are doing at any given time

interpreting our lives according to...



..and in with the new ~wine.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

i am praying for everyone   -new!- in the new year.  

"And no one puts new wine into old wineskins.  For the old skins would burst from the pressure, spilling the wine and ruining the skins.  New wine...

is stored in new wineskins! so that both are preserved."   -Matthew 9: 17


and like what I read:   you can't get new ideas into old mind-sets, or new results with old behaviors.

"to new mind-sets!   to new behaviors!   to new love!

In Jesus,  loves a new year celebrations'   name,  cheers! &  amen!


p.s.    did you see that Warrior game last night?!   crazy exciting...  oh, the moves!    if I had the means, I would create my own commercial

they have:   'this is why we play'

I would create,  'and this is why we watch!'


Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Very Close (me!) sandra, tvgp

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

They put the Merry in my Christmas, and the Happy in my New Year

it's the song/lyrics in my heart every time:

"...if i'm well, you can tell, they've been with me now
and they've been with me now
quite a long, long, time
yes, and I feel fine..."


I am at least 20 post ideas behind..   

look forward to..               hallelujah/amen.

Monday, December 25, 2017

How cool is that... for (me!) sandra, tvgp

things I need to, inspired to write/blog about..  piling up.   to catch them before they disappear, quick jot them down

and I will revisit kernel of truth; add on, different spin on  -what you see is what you get  -I will also be writing on the sure fire way to end rapes that happen on college campuses..
and!  then

I jotted down, not in my own strength..    then asked myself,  like, what passage is that? where in the Bible

and then looked it up, and

"I spy my very lucky number!"

Happy Birthday Jesus..   "Thank You!"  I love you,  amen.

Saturday, December 23, 2017

Friday, December 22, 2017

Pragmatic Christmas Prayer by (me!) sandra, tvgp

The opportunity to become over-stressed and over-whelmed   -to lose sight of the real reason for the season, to confuse priorities, to accumulate long term debt to meet the unrealistic expectations of one day

-very high.    


so, before I even left the house yesterday, I sat down with Jesus..   telepathically

  -k, Jesus..

here is my Christmas budget:       /and by 'budget' I of course mean...  the amount of credit remaining open on my two credit cards

here is the list of people I want/need/get to buy gifts for:    /which would be way longer if I had more money, or more credit.. but, leans, under my current circumstances, towards immediate family 

here is the amount of time I have today to get the job done; and the amount of energy   

-and, "thank you!" for both by the way...    time and energy   -and for my family..   and for credit..


  -there will be traffic.    -there will be lines.     -there will be crowds..

please help.   I love you!   Happy Birthday!   Peace on Earth.  Goodwill    amen.


and, I was centered enough, that every stress was put on hold, and I was able to prioritize correctly! by having lunch and dessert, and a wonderful, good, long in-person visit with my daughter..

and I may not have the best track record when it comes to money.. but the record will show,  -when it comes to how/when/where I invest my time and energy..

my R.O.I's  are  awesome!   "Thank You!"  Jesus...     

and now I will Re-Joyce..

Thursday, December 21, 2017

The Heart Seen, by (matthew!)

Jesus vs. Snow White. By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

...over the most exquisite steak dinner at the derby:

Auntie Sandy:   "how many of the fruits of the spirit can you name?"

Niece:   "is peace..   ?"

Nephew:  "joy?  Patience?     I can name the 7 dwarfs though, can you?"

And so, as a family team we were indeed able to name all 7 dwarfs.   Score one for Disney.

Auntie Sandy:   "but what I'm hoping..   since I just painted them on your that by the time I come for my next visit you'll be able to name the fruits of the spirit...      -amen"

Saturday, December 16, 2017

"Don't Let the Game Change You!" by (me!) sandra, tvgp

as it arrives to (me!), it arrives to you  -and, so explains the order/organization of this post:

TRUST:  how sad is this.. when I saw my Robin Williams on TV..  I thought to myself,  -well, actually I said it out loud to my sister..     "I miss him.   But at least he died before all this..   before all these sexual assault/sexual misconduct/rape reveals in the press.    I get to keep him on the pedestal in my memories.      -because, write now, every time I see Charlie Rose..

I think of psalm 118:8.


but before I learned he turned out to be   -quite contrary to his persona on TV-    an ungracious, self~serving, manipulative adult male, who abused his position, influence and authority to take advantage of young, aspirings  

before I learned that about him   -I watched a wonderful interview, featuring Macklemore.   /and the first thing I had corrected was my pronunciation, because until this interview, I had been saying

mac-kel-more.   but it is,  mack~la~more.     -and I still listen to every song on the heist CD.   and i'm still wow'd by the songwriting; the lyrics.    the range, the content, the emotion, the philosophies, the life experiences shared, processed, transcended..   through music.

"make the money, don't let the money make you.   change the game; don't let the game change you.

             -all my people stay true...  stay true."

"see life's a beautiful struggle, I record it.  hope it helps you maneuvering through yours.."

"Ive been staring into this pad for over half my life.. a true artist won't be satisfied..  so I guess that's the sacrifice"

          -I trust Macklemore   -not to be perfect, but to keep it real; to sing me his version of his truth.


TRUST:    hypocrisy report card:   was it two days prior? I had a conversation with my nephew about trust, and I said, "I've lived both ways..   not trusting anyone..     that is no quality of life; it's awful..  it makes life not even worth living...     but, learning to trust again...    trusting people..    a much better quality of life"

and then, I had the great privilege of teaching him to drive..  his first behind the wheels..   and he didn't slow down across a certain intersection because the other person had a stop sign..   but, the other person was not slowing down in any way that indicated he was going to  -pay attention- to the fact he had a stop sign,

"DO NOT TRUST ANYONE!"     I said in a panic.   don't trust blinkers, don't trust when they don't use blinkers, don't trust people to stop at stop signs, or to not go through red lights.. !!   you need to watch behavior, not signs or signals...   are they slowing down?  moving over?  

and of course my nephew says back to me,  "didn't you just tell me about trusting people.. now you are saying don't trust anyone."

                       "well,   don't trust anyone on the road.    and don't trust celebrities.   or men in power positions.   and don't trust...     ..and you can't trust..."           

and, so..   

TRUST:   I mean, ive had it all ways:    I have trusted when I shouldn't have; I have not trusted when I should have..    I have trusted correctly; I have mistrusted correctly.     A type of constant vigilance and discernment is required..    and over time it happens so second~naturedly you don't even realize you are constantly exercising that spiritual muscle. 


recently when my sister and I were Re-Joyce'ing     -She said, what I have heard often in churches by countless ministers:    "...  and God will pour out a blessing..."

and i'm like,  -darn it!    the very kind of blessing i'm hoping for write now

it cannot be poured!    TRUSTWORTHINESS CANNOT BE POURED OUT.  it does not fall in that blessing category.

financial matters  - money -   a sudden monetary windfall..   that can be poured out, and the evidence can be seen/experienced immediately.   no money..  and then..   tons of money!

health... this can be poured out; experienced immediately...    sick/near death.. and then suddenly..  feeling great!     health can be poured out..

status/promotion/opportunity:  this can be poured out, and experienced immediately!   no job.. and then suddenly, a great opportunity!      

those three just mentioned, and many others, can all be experienced within a 24 hour period.  they can be  -poured out...

but not TRUSTWORTHINESS.  it can only be PROVEN  true or false.

and that takes both time and testing.   not one or the other; both.  and time cannot be poured out either!   we can hope we have time..   but we do not know.

                        [how might that changes things?  If God  -poured out time..  and we KNEW!   you have 37 years total.      you.. you have three more years...   guaranteed!]

is my new romantic partner    -trustworthy?      /note, having written on the topic before, the semantic emphasis..     not,  can I trust.    but, is he trustworthy.    -there is a distinction.

what we do KNOW   -is that we can't get time back..  it is irretrievable.  when it's gone; it's gone..

it makes it quite a valuable life gift.      very precious.      so, when you give your time to someone, or to a cause...    

but the main point:  - time can't be poured.      so, the blessings I am grateful for:

the willingness to invest my greatest gift:  that of my irretrievable life time...   with the hope, my new romantic partner proves to be trustworthy..

and what I believe equips me for the risk   -/which some people, for very valid reasons, do not take again in their senior years..

I am spiritually trained enough, at almost 52 years old, to   -if circumstances dictate:

cut my losses, grieve and go on...

and I am spiritually trained enough, at almost 52 years old    -to skinnydip dive all in, in the deep end; and not tippy toe at the shoreline.       -more than my feet will be getting wet,  /she says with a smile.

because God is my buoy.    -amen.


but my closing thoughts on TRUST are this:    -what mechanism inside us, allows us to experience/interpret when we are, in fact, trusting or not trusting a person, or situation..

when you say "I completely trust you."      or, "I have no trust in you."     

where is that trust neuron?    let's couple it with, "where is that care neuron?"

"I don't care whether you trust me or not..."

"I have put my trust in you to care about, and take care of this/that....."

 And seems to me, we can all be trusted in some areas; and not in others; simultaneously.   so it becomes very important to learn the whens, whats, whys, hows...   etc.

i.e.,   I can be trusted to do a stellar job once I get there; but not always trusted to be on time.



I Can Talk Write. by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I may knot bee the best speller, but I sure no-how to talk write.


-because it has long been believed that the illiterate among us, are somehow inferior to those who can read and write


I've never had a conversation with an illiterate person who had to interrupt our dialogue to inquire

"I'm so sorry, but by that do you mean, like..  apart or detached from others; separate; distinct?    Or do you mean, like..  careful about respecting privacy?"

Based on my life experiences, it is the literate among us, who seem to need for us to slow down, who require a great deal more explaining time and attention to unnecessary detail in order to comprehend, understand and move forward... 

When it comes to communicating, is not the most important thing to know, hear and act on,
what someone

1.  Has in mind as a purpose or intention

2.  Quantifies midway between two extremes

3.  Has as available resources

4.  Does with their angry dispostion


  in Jesus,  -hears- your prayers, -knows- what's in your heart's  -name.

Hal-Lay-Loo-Yuh! And..   A-min!   

Friday, December 15, 2017


original post 01/02/2010


re-post inspired by visit with neighbor, Debbie, who collects coca cola ladies, and who watches turner classics movies.


feel a certain magical synchronicity going on

something romantic in the air...

only fairly recently became a fan of [turner classic movies, channel 501, in my area]

and then add on, a recent spontaneous visit with my aunt june vaughn (my mom's brother's wife),

where my mom had printed/shared a filmography for robert foulk

and then i re-learned, in a way, robert foulk and barbara slater are my aunt june's parents -both now deceased, but what a legacy!

him, an american actor performing in too many classic films to name, but a very impressive list here: ROBERT FOULK

and her, a beautiful robert powers model and television/movie actress -seen here: BARBARA SLATER

but gets better, because...

tomorrow, sunday jan 3rd, 2010, they both appear, in seperate movies, on the same day on him, in the love bug (1968), as bice, and her in blue skies, uncredited, as myrtle. -now you can't learn that type of information

if your brain works like mine

without finding it very romantic.


and while i don't know their life stories very well, i can tell you, with great certainty and awe, that their combined talent, creative spark and attractiveness were indeed passed on to their daughter, my aunt june, and her children, my cousins

everyone is gorgeous, tall and highly creative in their own unique ways


  bragging writes:  (me!) with my aunt june & uncle bill.    google:  bill and june Vaughn pottery.

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

slow rhythms, deep rhymes. a poem, written for/inspired by Robert..from (me!) -tops.

no secret really, -to your success;
to getting what you want

won't make you guess, or let you fail;
I can tell you quite up front:

"music!"    /commercial-free music.

~music makes my body groove   -turn it on, I can't not move
makes me need to be all up close to you

                  will make me crawl up on and in your lap
make my tongue navigate   -your skin my map

 be back soon, kiss your face
go explore, dictates the bass

want more longer,  -better hit repeat
             I go cold quick, without a sexy beat

to get lost in

 music to turn you on
    your rapid breaths my favorite song

yes, please, thank you
        -not just for me

its the music..  baby,  brought me to my knees

to trace you.

to slow rhythms, deep rhymes   ~I must taste you
with instrumental solos I can pace you.
with Ginuwine low lights  -I ride and race you
extended version - we remix - and
         cant wait to double back and face-to-face you.

kiss to where weve been, and what weve seen
to how me met, and what love means

to staying hot, and staying true
to the marionette I am for you

and sensual music

that's what pulls my strings
that + you, and i'll do sexy things

listening for my favorite song
 sing my rapid yes's write along

then thank you.

second round    ~hit repeat
back on for you and a sexy beat

that's what pulls my strings
that + you,  you sexy thing.



oh! I love terms of endearment..  and write now, I just call him sexy   /for very obvious reasons..

and he calls me tops.

the origin of this can be traced to our stroll along the boardwalk in capitola..  when, tucked within a longer conversation, Robert talked about having friends of different levels..

and then, sometime after that date, and a great meal, and spectacular intimate relations..  

I said to Robert with a smile, I said..      "whatever level friend I am to you write now...  I want to stay at this level for a good long time."

   ~ i made it to the top!
woo hoo....  

and Dear Jesus...   I want to stay there!     amen.

Tuesday, December 05, 2017

...let's get back to my robert... /she says with a big smile...

where were we?    wherever it was..  it was getting pretty hot, and God knows I'm not good at self-pacing, so..   we are apart for several weeks

but text and talk daily.


so, politically; opposites, with the mutual ability to listen to each other's perspectives, go like,

"mmm hmmm, I see"    and "didn't know that.. "     and "that's not my experience, but.."

and then we both land at the same place after our conversation.

           /in bed.

 -because, its exhausting, those political conversations..    what were you thinking?


the thing we have in common is Christianity.    and that is usually what I lead with when I share with anyone,

and everyone,   -about meeting Robert..

"He is a Christian,  -Single,  Father of two,  Deputy, great work ethic, phenomenal cook,  -sexy as heck..      add the dance moves..     the smile, the laugh.."

but, I have never had it in my mind, that I must date a Christian..     ive always thought I have enough faith for myself, my family, my friends, and a countless number of total atheist strangers..

but the JOY! of dating a Christian, is that we speak the same language..   we have the same vocabulary; understanding

so, in our conversations when words/phrases like, faith, hope, love; belief, salvation, mercy, forgiveness, blessing, favor, anointing, testing, temptation, God's signature, Jesus, savior, gratitude, service, humility, the pit, the enemy, the devil, rescued/restored, consecrated, sanctified, baptized, holy spirit, yoke,

hallelujah, amen..  

...long list...

but when any of these words/phrases come up..   there is no explanation needed; no convincing; no persuading

no arguments; no debates

just mutual understanding.     and, I do still pride myself on the ability to communicate in both secular and Christian..

but, how much easier..     we do already speak the same spiritual language.    it's beautiful.

and it is speaking that same spiritual language;  -as our primary language, if you will; our Holy Mother Mary Tongue..

that allows us,  I believe,  to respectfully communicate on other issues, where we do not see eye to eye..

/but end up lip to lip.


oh!   have I mentioned how wonderful...       the kissing!

"thank you Jesus!"    -amen.

And win by 10 they did! "WARRIORS!"

my brother called it very early...   "win by 10..."

and it sure didn't look like it, in the 1st & 2nd..

not even at the end of the third..

and even in the last minute or two.. it flipped, it dipped..

but final score:

125 - 115.

and we won!  -because, how blessed to hang out together
this unexpected, unplanned family time
and watch the Warriors  -together.

/with great service & food at buffalo wild wings.

almost forgot where I was..  until the game ended, and I headed back into the parking lot
where the temp was like,  15, and I could see my every breath..

"you are not in California anymore Dorothy.."

In Jesus turns us spiritually white as fresh fallen snow's name   -amen.

Monday, December 04, 2017

Saturday, December 02, 2017

Can you see here what I am talking about.. (me!) Sandra, tvgp

.. it is dense, so dense! with the most amazing paragraphs, which with only a few master level crafted sentences...   captures truths and patterns in humanity which take decades to observe or experience and reveal.  
And there are countless paragraphs like this, prior to page 306..
And I know in advance he will keep on delivering..
"Cheers!" to you amor towels..  
Pg 307:  And so it began.

Friday, December 01, 2017

Public "Thank you!" to everyone at St. JAMES .. from (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Honey.. these are not empty words in a frame for good publicity.  My sister received exceptional care across the board!  From Gina B, to Karen, to Brent, to cassie, Dr Russo, to larry, to pam, to Jenny, to val.. and I'm leaving some names out, from lack of memory but not lack of appreciation..

You know I worked in clinics and a hospital in my 20's..

I've been a patient..   I've visited loved ones, friends/family in these settings..

I am, in fact, comparing.. . My sister was at all times, with each staff team member, a person first, and a patient second.   - My God, it was refreshing!

And..   I could not be more impressed or grateful.

...  the fragrance of the knowledge of God is at and in and all around st. James..

In Jesus must be smiling's name..      amen!