SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

as it arrives to (me!), it arrives to you  -and, so explains the order/organization of this post:

TRUST:  how sad is this.. when I saw my Robin Williams on TV..  I thought to myself,  -well, actually I said it out loud to my sister..     "I miss him.   But at least he died before all this..   before all these sexual assault/sexual misconduct/rape reveals in the press.    I get to keep him on the pedestal in my memories.      -because, write now, every time I see Charlie Rose..

I think of psalm 118:8.

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but before I learned he turned out to be   -quite contrary to his persona on TV-    an ungracious, self~serving, manipulative adult male, who abused his position, influence and authority to take advantage of young, aspirings  

before I learned that about him   -I watched a wonderful interview, featuring Macklemore.   /and the first thing I had corrected was my pronunciation, because until this interview, I had been saying

mac-kel-more.   but it is,  mack~la~more.     -and I still listen to every song on the heist CD.   and i'm still wow'd by the songwriting; the lyrics.    the range, the content, the emotion, the philosophies, the life experiences shared, processed, transcended..   through music.

"make the money, don't let the money make you.   change the game; don't let the game change you.

             -all my people stay true...  stay true."

"see life's a beautiful struggle, I record it.  hope it helps you maneuvering through yours.."

"Ive been staring into this pad for over half my life.. a true artist won't be satisfied..  so I guess that's the sacrifice"

          -I trust Macklemore   -not to be perfect, but to keep it real; to sing me his version of his truth.

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TRUST:    hypocrisy report card:   was it two days prior? I had a conversation with my nephew about trust, and I said, "I've lived both ways..   not trusting anyone..     that is no quality of life; it's awful..  it makes life not even worth living...     but, learning to trust again...    trusting people..    a much better quality of life"

and then, I had the great privilege of teaching him to drive..  his first behind the wheels..   and he didn't slow down across a certain intersection because the other person had a stop sign..   but, the other person was not slowing down in any way that indicated he was going to  -pay attention- to the fact he had a stop sign,

"DO NOT TRUST ANYONE!"     I said in a panic.   don't trust blinkers, don't trust when they don't use blinkers, don't trust people to stop at stop signs, or to not go through red lights.. !!   you need to watch behavior, not signs or signals...   are they slowing down?  moving over?  

and of course my nephew says back to me,  "didn't you just tell me about trusting people.. now you are saying don't trust anyone."

                       "well,   don't trust anyone on the road.    and don't trust celebrities.   or men in power positions.   and don't trust...     ..and you can't trust..."           

and, so..   

TRUST:   I mean, ive had it all ways:    I have trusted when I shouldn't have; I have not trusted when I should have..    I have trusted correctly; I have mistrusted correctly.     A type of constant vigilance and discernment is required..    and over time it happens so second~naturedly you don't even realize you are constantly exercising that spiritual muscle. 

AND SPEAKING OF...

recently when my sister and I were Re-Joyce'ing     -She said, what I have heard often in churches by countless ministers:    "...  and God will pour out a blessing..."

and i'm like,  -darn it!    the very kind of blessing i'm hoping for write now

it cannot be poured!    TRUSTWORTHINESS CANNOT BE POURED OUT.  it does not fall in that blessing category.

financial matters  - money -   a sudden monetary windfall..   that can be poured out, and the evidence can be seen/experienced immediately.   no money..  and then..   tons of money!

health... this can be poured out; experienced immediately...    sick/near death.. and then suddenly..  feeling great!     health can be poured out..

status/promotion/opportunity:  this can be poured out, and experienced immediately!   no job.. and then suddenly, a great opportunity!      

those three just mentioned, and many others, can all be experienced within a 24 hour period.  they can be  -poured out...

but not TRUSTWORTHINESS.  it can only be PROVEN  true or false.

and that takes both time and testing.   not one or the other; both.  and time cannot be poured out either!   we can hope we have time..   but we do not know.

                        [how might that changes things?  If God  -poured out time..  and we KNEW!   you have 37 years total.      you.. you have three more years...   guaranteed!]

is my new romantic partner    -trustworthy?      /note, having written on the topic before, the semantic emphasis..     not,  can I trust.    but, is he trustworthy.    -there is a distinction.

what we do KNOW   -is that we can't get time back..  it is irretrievable.  when it's gone; it's gone..

it makes it quite a valuable life gift.      very precious.      so, when you give your time to someone, or to a cause...    

but the main point:  - time can't be poured.      so, the blessings I am grateful for:

the willingness to invest my greatest gift:  that of my irretrievable life time...   with the hope, my new romantic partner proves to be trustworthy..

and what I believe equips me for the risk   -/which some people, for very valid reasons, do not take again in their senior years..

I am spiritually trained enough, at almost 52 years old, to   -if circumstances dictate:

cut my losses, grieve and go on...

and I am spiritually trained enough, at almost 52 years old    -to skinnydip dive all in, in the deep end; and not tippy toe at the shoreline.       -more than my feet will be getting wet,  /she says with a smile.

because God is my buoy.    -amen.

***

but my closing thoughts on TRUST are this:    -what mechanism inside us, allows us to experience/interpret when we are, in fact, trusting or not trusting a person, or situation..

when you say "I completely trust you."      or, "I have no trust in you."     

where is that trust neuron?    let's couple it with, "where is that care neuron?"

"I don't care whether you trust me or not..."

"I have put my trust in you to care about, and take care of this/that....."

 And seems to me, we can all be trusted in some areas; and not in others; simultaneously.   so it becomes very important to learn the whens, whats, whys, hows...   etc.

i.e.,   I can be trusted to do a stellar job once I get there; but not always trusted to be on time.

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