Type Table Top Piano in the search bar of this blog, for (me!) sandra, tvgp
yesterday. write in the middle of my shift, my training, and my otherwise quite pre-occupied mind
Shirley gestured for me to follow her. I was already in the habit, shadowing her specifically to learn my new responsibilities..
but this time, instead of boxes to fold, or customers to ring up, or plants to foil wrap, or gift items to price..
she had me follow her into the gift store to simply listen. just stand and listen..
to the most beautiful, melodic, immediately pleasing and very lovely music being played..
not on the radio, or Pandora via computer, not piped in through speakers in the store..
but a piano being played live! by Melissa! write in the middle of the day, and the middle of the gift store..
such an unexpected blessing and wonderful surprise!
it was whispered to me, that Melissa herself composed the piece of music she was playing, which may I confess already had me a bit teary~eyed. not because it is melancholy in melody... to the contrary, -because it was so beautiful..
and because of how life can be like this too:
so suddenly i am part-time employed at the Alden lane.. the majestic and transcendent Alden lane, surrounded by oak trees that sing silent gospel music through their presence alone..
and such a variety of colorful, exotic, fascinating and diverse plant, flower and tree life..
so already surrounded by beautiful life, and wonderful people..
that having this added.. a spontaneous live piano performance..
it is that combination that made me a bit teary~eyed, but when it was whispered to me that Melissa composed this piece herself..
and she composed it for her sisters upcoming wedding..
that's when I just surrendered and grabbed a tissue to catch the tears.
"Congratulations!" to your sister Melissa.. and to YOU! for the accomplishment of composing and performing such a beautiful piece of music, and for the way you touched and soothed my heart in the middle of what was just my second day..
this place feels even more magical..
and now, I close here with another confession..
-that piano.
-that piano in the middle of the gift store.. Covered with gifts and products for sale; used as merchandising display..
if you were to read my table top piano poem
you would know I was extra happy to hear that piano being played; filling the world with music as it was designed and created to do.
***
and now, in a very short time, I have already met a number of truly cool, truly wonderful, very fun and interesting and entertaining people..
but I'll have to share more about them over an extended amount of restricted time.
"thank you!" xoxox. In Jesus has obviously blessed me by putting me in your presence name.. Amen!
Grateful to cross paths with YOU! (Melissa!)
I've already written about how hard.. working side by side, getting to know/admire/respect my co-worker friends and then..
How they abandon me for silly things like college. And how I decided I would rather go ahead and get attached and feel the pain of a /word that starts with Good.. but ends with.. bye.
but when Melissa shared with me.. "I'll be leaving.. I accepted a position as..
-I didn't even hear the rest of what she had to say.
"NO! No, no, no.. I absolutely forbid it! You may not leave" and I stamped my foot on the ground, but knew it was all for nothing.
Then of course she went on to repeat.. "a full time position as a music director"
-well of course that is exactly what
she should be doing! And I know she will be an awesome blessing to everyone she serves..
"Congratulations!!" Melissa...
I'm proud of and very happy for you!
And will be first in line for a future concert
Love & blessings! Xoxox.
The Place I Called Home 1969ish-1980ish (me!) sandra, tvgp
when I went to see Melissa's band, at www.visitcrossroads.church, Mt. Eden High School, Hayward location
they talked about an outreach.. volunteers getting together and passing out flyers door to door, to let more people know about the services available in the neighborhood
-there was a tug on my heart. but, then, the day they were all getting together to do it; was a day I was working
so, -the tug was strong enough, that I asked Melissa to bring me the flyers; and I committed to God to pass them out on my day off; solo..
and the other tug; was to my old neighborhood: Peterman Avenue in Hayward.
Include this in your prayers: ask God to open your eyes to new things.
I promise you this
I never paid 3 seconds of attention to plants, trees, flowers in my neighborhood when I was growing up. Outside of a very -very few- exceptions
-there were roses in our front yard. -name of? but, there were roses
-there were palm trees -and we played 'prisoners base' trying to run from the one palm tree in our yard to the one palm tree in our neighbors yard without getting tagged; my brother larry's invention..
-there was the blueberry bush on the corner.. mr pa (?) which we did help ourselves to.. and a sweet elderly (relative to our young age at the time) couple; grandma/grandpa types who welcomed us to do so; and delighted in having the young ones come by
-grass in front/back yards. our apple tree. -and the stand-out in regard to landscaping.. /although I'm sure I never even used the word.. but, it would be the family on cheney lane around the corner that had a small wooden bridge in their front yard, that walked you over a koi pond to their front door [it is no longer there].
that's all I ever paid attention to. but! in the short time ive been working at alden lane, -wow!- to the new things I notice
I did not take pictures of all the plants, flowers, trees that captured my attention, but I should go back so I can really show you
I will do that.
the only pictures I have to share today are these:
... and they've recently added some kind of walkway passage which is just behind the house I once called home. it goes over the 880 freeway; just shy of the Tennyson road exit. I was there until 1980ish; my mom remained there until around 2000; then moved to Patterson.. and 7 years later to San Leandro
looking left from our home; the brown fence on the corner; once upon a time; blueberries/no, raspberries I think they were...
looking write from our home.. Peterman is a long street, with an overpass [packed with memories] and the avenue eventually curves left onto Calaroga, near my elementary school
this is cerebral hyperlinks galore; overwhelm..
and, once upon a time, the dreaded gateway to my jr. high school; formerly Calaroga Jr High; currently, Martin Luther King. That represented my 7th grade year. My 8th grade year I would attend Bret Harte Jr High in the Hayward Hills, and then, Bancroft Jr High in San Leandro.
***
John 10:27 I am one of God's sheep and His sheep hear His voice.
In Jesus name, amen.
THOUGHTS ON POWER & PUBLIC SPEAKING by (me!) sandra, ttgp
power was not an easy word for me to select and place
on my word wall. it makes me incredibly uncomfortable
and so i decided rather than avoid it; i should live with it for
a while. stare at it. glance at it in passing. sit next to it. let it live over my shoulder. perhaps with the hope i could desensitize myself to it
i admit to some self-consciousness when others see my word wall.
power? -wonder what they think, but never ask, and find it's not volunteered.
and so when i saw donny deutsch's recent program,
becoming a power player, it impacted me
powerfully in many ways
one of his guests, daymond john, author of display of power, was especially wonderful to listen to because a) we have the shared experience of having a gun held to our head, and b) as he quoted his mother's definition of power, it became my favorite definition of power EVER:
/and wish i could get it verbatim.. but close to this: "
when you don't have to ask someone else's permission to experience pleasure; that's power."
i love that! i know many people missing out on a lot of good times waiting for someone else to green light their being, idea or vision. waiting for permission to act, to create, to have fun, to speak, to share an opinion; to do anything. i was stuck on that island of endless frustration myself for a while.. but no more! as my life clearly shows.
and donny had daymond talk some about being held at gunpoint. he said, (paraphrasing) "that's not power.. when you have to use a weapon.. that's not power. power is in forgiveness.. in having and chasing a dream.. "
and i so deeply agree. it seems a shame to me.. a problem really with our lack of vocabulary that we use the word "
power" to describe cowardice or angry acts. the "power" of a person with a weapon; the
power of
controlling others through intimidation, fear, threats or status.
and then use that exact same word, -
power- to describe the ability to acheive goals, to
positively influence others (teachers), to save lives (nurses/doctors), enlighten the masses (scientists), persevere through set-backs, obstacles, and challenges, the -power- to create
there should be two different words. antonymns.
unfortunately, the uglier definition of power resides in me.
the word reminds me of being bullied as a child by gang members.
reminds me of a 250lb alcoholic man pushing my little 3rd grade self down the hallway;
the threat of a fist. the threat of a knife.
reminds me of having my very life in the hands of a serial rapist/murderer; a bankrobber.
the word power reminds me of guns. and the word power reminds me of the ugly people in the arts/craft industry who prevented my work from being showcased or recognized.
i've struggled with this topic before.. in the archives somewhere, when my friend (and former writing coach) cindy fisher luck gave me a writing exercise in which i answered the question
"what would your power suit look like?"
http://shesayswithasmile.blogspot.com/2006/02/my-power-suit-by-sandra-kay.htmlbut i have two really wonderful definitions to associate with this word now. daymond's mom definition, and then...
melissa boyd's definition. another guest on donny's power player show. a young teacher.
http://www.cnbc.com/id/25274593/site/14081545/and bless her brave heart.. she got up there with a group of highly experienced, confident power-playing men, -dressed in red- which i'm sure she's been told is a power color for women - and even though her voice quivered.. she continued on. it seemed not fair to me. like putting a rookie in the ring with four three time world champions. and with her self-confidence in question.. no matter what the men said or did to lift and applaud her work -her power- as a teacher; it read, patronizing.
this is a real bummer and i know it well. this ability to speak in public.. in front of large audiences, in boardrooms, or classrooms, or on national television, without your voice quivering..
my God! -do people who can do this naturally realize what a gift they've been given?!?
i don't like you, by the way.
my ongoing battle with public speaking includes.. crying through an entire reading in a woman's workshop; hands and paper shaking through an entire reading ( i mean that paper was SHAKING! not vibrating just a little) in a social studies class... knocking knees and sweaty palms for numerous speeches throughout college; some strange non-stop yawning nervous reaction; and a few times where i couldn't get my teeth to stop chattering and my mouth to open all the way. i've spit out total non-sense when i had too much to say, and have gone totally mute for the same reason.
if i had any common sense i would have given up a long time ago.
but -thank God- innate in me is this little tiny somethin'... this little rebel seed... this irrational determination to conquer my fears
and so when my friend john told me about toastmasters, i checked it out.
toastmasters is one of the greatest organizations of all time. i'm sure of it.
and i lucked out with an extraordinary group of supportive founders/some similarly frightened peers when i joined pleasanton toastmasters many years ago.
i'd rather link, than repeat common details:
http://www.pleasantontoastmasters.combut what a valuable, wonderful, helpful experience this was! over the course of i don't know how many months (years), i gave 10 speeches; listened to hundreds; evaluated many, and earned my ctm certificate. i am a
certified toastmaster.
( i should get that certificate out and hang it somewhere.. considering how often i forget)
of course my favorite part was writing the speeches. every prompt in the module inspiration for a creative story.. this made the whole thing possible.. if i had written something i was proud of, this helped me unstick myself from my chair and make my awkward way to the podium.
i am never not nervous. but always i completed the task, and several times i won the best speaker award, and many times i won the best evaluator award and sometimes even the table topics award. this did, i'd like to say
wonders, but
this did help my self esteem and build my confidence. plus i made some new friends.
i'm too embarrassed to tell you how hard i worked to prepare for the delivery of each of my ten speeches. how often i rehearsed. how i read them out loud over and over and over, and read them outloud while jogging up and down stairs into tape recorders..
because sometimes when i'm nervous i lose air -get that super high pitch disappearing voice thing going on- and i knew if i could breathe correctly while speaking, this would help
i'm embarrassed because the speeches were sometimes only 3-5 minutes long, and i could write them fairly quickly, but saying them out loud? i don't know.. maybe i'm being too hard on myself.. is 86 hours prep time for a 3-5 minute speech reasonable for beginners?
some people -who i also do not like- would show up and say, "i wrote this speech at lunch today.. rehearsed once; ready to go"
why are you even here. go home.
what i have learned since that time, is that public speaking is like golf. -at least, it's like i hear people who golf, describe the golfing experience. take a break and you start again from scratch.
that's me.
i think it is recorded pretty well in this blog of mine..
the nerves i've had to conquer, over-ride, ignore, co-exist with to guest appear on in a word with jim ott & kathy cordova. the amount of preparation.
and it's not been perfect.. i have my quivers & stutters... but overall it is a positive and rewarding experience (i'm hopeful melissa boyd feels the same).
i am most comfortable though talking about mag time frames. i suppose this is because i've been talking about them, and creating them for five years now.
preparing without consciously preparing. teaching workshops. talking to store owners. the tradeshow. the scrapbook show. my little 3 minute news segments on various stations. making them at parties. -sharing with anyone who will listen..
so in this recent segment on conversations with robin fahr -where i'm smiling really big-
it's because i'm really happy.
i told my friends catherine and carla recently, " i could stand next to oprah on national tv and not be nervous talking about or making mag time frames"
and i write her everyday with that dream.
and it seems a good thing to mention before closing, how grateful i am to the teachers, and for the curriculum in our elementary schools here. the kids, beginning in 2nd grade, and some even in 1st, are required to give 1-3 minute speeches once a week to their friends in the classroom.
it's like a toastmasters marathon for children. brilliant! by the time they graduate elementary school, they have more experience giving speeches than most professional adults i know today, and it shows in their confident and entertaining deliveries.
"to the power of trying! -and teaching! -and learning! -and praying!" ~amen.
A different Church every sunday for (me!) sandra, tvgp
It is my plan to visit a different church each Sunday I go to church for the next year. I started here, in Fremont, where I had the great pleasure of hearing the band my Alden lane coworker friend, Melissa, plays in... "Wonderful!!". I encourage the making of a CD... I'd be playing it write now.. And! As the topic was recovering from toxic relationships..
Of which I have had more than my share
I was just like " thank you Jesus!" Silently through the whole sermon because I have GRADUATED! In this area
where I seem to attend school for not years, but decades. And I have had a couple close calls to be sure, but
Today,
I can pre-spot the signs of toxicity from a distance and avoid these counterproductive relationships all together.
"Thank You Jesus!!". and, boy, this sure did take a long time...
But I'm inspired to create my own diploma. I believe I have earned a PhD..
" hallelujah! & amen!".
Dragonfly. Frosting. Boxes. Words. by (me!) sandra, tvgp
with great conscious effort to override heart.. i am literally.
i am intentionally avoiding all of the stuff that accompanies moving, saying goodbye, etc. compartmentalizing.. and sharing this instead:
-how we all ... well, im acclimating to the coming and going of coworker friends at Alden Lane.. And repeat here how meeting these young college/career bound, late teen to 20 something's gives me great hope for the worlds future
and it is my nature to seek and find silver linings
and WOW because the silver lining of this particular situation keeps coming in the form of "Frosting!!"
-the real kind! -the really really real good kind. -because Jacquie Williams Courtright
personally herself..
makes a cake for each employees birthday and/or going back to school/college, -any special occasion.
And! SHE even has a menu of amazing, delicious cakes to choose from. - and so far i have had the great! pleasure of sampling several different ones
i still can't quite make up my mind. all I know for sure, is
well, i was thinking i need to be at Alden Lane, at a minimum, through February 2017, because when its your birthday, you get to choose which cake.. but since she does this for goodbye/good luck occasions also...
if say, my handsome, single, literary agent with lucrative contract in one hand and flowers/chocolate in the other shows up before then..
"I still get a personally baked cake! with real frosting!".
I love you Jacquie! -my sister and I never quite reached that level of competence in the kitchen.. but we have learned to keep our sense of humor about our shared inadequacy
" here. we breaked and baked this just for you..."
so this kind of real, homemade deliciousness is very much appreciated and respected and devoured by us.. /just ask our mom..
***
In other news at Alden Lane.. while i was receiving/pricing in one of the buildings i heard the strangest noise..
couldn't identify by sound what on earth?! and when i went to investigate, turns out it was a giant size dragonfly (drone) caught in a spider web..
it was the loudest buzzing, slash humming, slash banging noise.. and i could see with every effort to escape it just kept getting more deeply tangled in the web. it was just at the base of a window, so it appeared to be banging its own head against the glass over and over.. How do I get myself into these messes! I saw the web! I know better!
and my confession is that.. I couldn't get myself to go close enough to save it.. I was just witnessing it suffer..
watching as the energy of its struggle diminished.. and to tell you more truth, I thought in fact it died..
/or the batteries ran low
write in front of me. -about that time though... melissa came by.. she couldn't get closer either.. and john could have, but heather was the first responder on the scene when I asked, "do you want to save a dragonfly's life?"
And with not one.. not one! ounce of hesitation she went directly..
she reached with her bare hands directly into that spiders web and gently removed the dragonfly.. then gently peeled off excess web stuff from its wings and body and sure enough
when she tossed it into the air... -off it went...
made my whole day to see this dragonfly have its (battery) life saved.
***
and i was thinkin' maybe Jacquie oughta make her a cake!
***
I.J.N. amen!
MAG TIME FRAMES AT THE MUSEUM ON MAIN
i have so many people to thank, i'm not sure where to begin..
but let me begin with bernie, linda & claude. bernie berke, some know, is my former flute teacher and a cherished friend for life.. linda is bernie's wife, another wonderful music teacher and claude is bernie's music partner in crime
and these are exactly the kind of friends you're very lucky to have if you happen to be peddling mag time frames at a leisurely paced art & heritage festival in challenging economic times..
so bernie, for example.. he tells his wife to pick out one of my designs, forces $10 in my hand, and while linda and i make a halloween themed mag time frame together, bernie stands back a little and with a giant enthusiastic voice starts sayin'
"oh! we have so many mag time frames.. we love your product.. you do such a great job!"
and he makes sure every passerby can hear him. -and even though it didn't create any long lines at my table.. i sure felt lucky and couldn't stop smiling listening to him go on like he was
here's his wife w/her mag time halloween frame:
and when i say forced $10 in my hand, i kinda mean it. this is a
terrible weakness of mine.. i can easily accept money from strangers, but from friends or family.. very hard. "no, no! you drove all this way.. it's on me. no! no! you've done so much for me already... it's on me. no! don't you dare pay me.. you just helped me with all that stuff.. no! no! this is how i can thank you for..."
and it does feel really good to have something.. some way.. to express a thank you. since i don't bake or cook.. this is my one special thing i can do. so i hit a compromise here with my dear blogger friend, ren man (AKA: jim ott) and his two beautiful daughters: 2 for 1. and want to say THANK YOU to jim, kelsey, melissa for stopping by too and making some mag time frames
and then i want to double-thank my daughter, because she helped so much with designing the magnets, helping me organize and prepare, and then hung out at our table all day. bless her heart.. it was non-stop when i did this at the livermore farmer's market, and based on that experience i solicited her help "i won't be able to do this without you" i told her -and she stepped write up, but it turned out (and you can never really know in advance), that there were long stretches of doin' nothin
but i must say here, if you're commited to hanging out somewhere for a while, downtown pleasanton, on main street, in front of the museum, with live music being played behind you, the aroma of food fair all around you, sunshine, gorgeous shady trees, and plenty of booths and guests for people watching -this is not the worst way to spend a leiusurely afternoon.
but i could not have even had or set up my booth, without my mom's help.. so thank you mom for helping me load/transport and set up everything! -and made the whole weekend extra special to have my beautiful aunt betty, my uncle ernie, my uncle dave.. (all of who helped me several years ago set up at the HUGE hobby industry tradeshow, where i was never discovered, ripped off & robbed and which can now only be seen as "prelude to a bankruptsy")
-anyway-
i've never stopped believing in my mag time frames, and neither have they.. THANK YOU!!
and then all of the pictures i'd like to post write here, are still with my new photographer friend curtis finger, and i won't have them 'til next month.. but i'll be publishing, mag time frames & creative things (one way or another), and curtis came on a sunday -despite a crazy, hectic, schedule & busy life, to take some group/posed and candid photos for the book.. so thank you to my mom friends who brought their children by for some make n' take mag time frame fun and thank you children for your smiles for the camera -debbie, megan, matthew, lisolette, julian, chloe, keeshie, sarah, matthew, virginia, katie
and for me personally.. extra fun to have virginia & katie a part of this book, because they are both in my hokey, hometown, 30 second comcast commercial from 2003, i think it was.. (in the archives at magtimeframes.com)
and speaking of my hokey, hometown, 30 second comcast commercial
the BIGGEST, BESTEST SURPRISE this weekend was having my dearest, life-saving, entertaining, 5 day a week, blogumnist friend LEONARD STEGMANN, and his wife MELINDA
stop by.. (and p.s., that cutey pie blond is not their daughter, but my camera shy niece sneaking in again)
otherwise known as: SQUIDMANN & SPIKE. -what a treat!- a huge surprise! -and that's how we met in the first place, when leonard was working for comcast and came to film my 30 second commercial.. -and i haven't seen him since 2003, but we have had great fun in the blogosphere since he introduced me to his blog in 2005..
he's now posted over 700 blogs, and i've read and commented on nearly every single one of them.. so playful and fun.. absolutely has lifted me out of the most dark and dreadful times..
as i told his wife, "i get to start everyday with a smile instead of a headache" - i just treasure him so - and it was the first thing i did this very morning.. wake up, turn on the computer, read squidmann's post at
http://www.leonardstegmann.blogspot.com/
and he's had a few events over the past couple years in half moon bay that i've known about, but have not, for one reason or another, attended; and i've had a few events here in the tri valley, that he's known about, but for one reason or another, not attended.. so i just figured that's how things would stay.. that we would never see each other in person, just blog n' comment, blog n' comment..
so just was the greatest, biggest surprise to see them.. made my whole weekend.. and not just to see them.. but to watch my leonard "create his own" mag time frame.. too much fun, honestly..
( i know he's melinda's in real life.. but he's my leonard in the cyber world)
and his wife melinda is a school teacher, so she was so much fun too.. giving him a hard time about his "fine motor skills." these pictures are priceless to me. i had made and mailed a mag time frame some years ago for their turtle ellsworth, and they said the cat was jealous, so here they are making a mag time frame for celine (is it celine?.. sp?)
and do you see the same trend i do?
that i'm not so much sustained by profits, but by inspiration and the love of friends of family.
-and i want to thank God here for that!
and speaking of family.. the extra treat too, of seeing my cousin kristie, who i haven't seen in over 10 years i think, and her two beautiful children i had the great pleasure to meet for the first time (pictures w/curtis).
and speaking of friends, thank you also to debbie and her husband. doesn't this look like a romantic afternoon.. hand in hand, making mag time frames in downtown pleasanton...
and my dear friend jill, and her son..
very cool, mom & me, project, don't ya think...
and my good friend and neighbor cheryl; thank you!
and this sweetie pie here, (daughter of a friend of my sisters ). she just made my day..
made one mag time frame, walked away, and started pulling on her daddy's shirt asking if
she could please make one more..
thank you so much!!
and i didn't get pictures of everyone.. and curtis has many pictures i'm missin' -but thank you to gita too, from amelia's.. she came by, and like bernie, she made sure everyone could hear her when she said, "wow! these are awesome! i love this!" -and she said to me, "you have a facility.. use this place.. (meaning amelia's deli).. do craft parties, whatever you want.."
and mary from centerpointe church.. thank you too! -mary came by and not only made a mag time frame, but asked me about my goals and dreams
" i want to be a famous american writer," i told her (and heard some passersby giggle at my statement)
"what do you write? what have you published?" she asked me
and i told her.. "creative non fiction... three years in a row published in the livermore wine country literary harvest, and recently -solicited- and published in the social cause diet.. creative non-fiction about my volunteer work with the tri valley haven.."
and then she brought her friend elaine, also from centerpointe, over to my table, and she said to me "tell her... tell her about your writing and your dream.."
and i had to say it out loud again.. "i want to become a famous american writer," -and i repeated what i've done so far..
and these words don't just come out of my mouth with ease and confidence. it's awkward and a little embarrassing; but it's true.
and i'm thankful to mary for encouraging me to say my dream
out loud, in public; twice.
and big thanks to dianne jones from the museum for inviting to participate in this art/heritage event, and for taking in my mag time frame designs and souvenir magnets to sell in the museum.
and there were a few people.. a beautiful blond lady who purchased several kits, another dark haired lady who bought kits for her crafty daughter
but had i counted on total strangers at the fair -had i counted on the curiosity/generosity of random visitors at the art & heritage festival
it would have been one long, slow and boring weekend. but as you can see from these pictures
i'm very blessed with the kind of friends and family that make time fly.
what a weight lifted! for (me!) sandra, tvgp
when, in prayer, I said.. I have to stop worrying about the results; or organizing. I cannot be burdened with organizing what ive written, or will write..
i'll just do the writing.
***
and a memory surfaced; as they do.. in unorganized fashion: how I cried to Jesus.. cry~talked.. saying, "i want to feel safe... I want to feel safe... I want to feel safe..." and then, it turned from crying to anger.. I said, "i don't want to
FEEL safe Jesus
I WANT TO
BE SAFE!"
***
anyway.. I must edit. as I have been for some time.. I edit, because I learned this truth when I was volunteering for the tri valley haven
how, the men who were abusing their girlfriends, wives, children... sending them in need for shelter and protection
the men who were caught, turned in.. the ones who were -sentenced- to anger management classes, and had to attend, and had to prove with a certificate of some sort, that they attended..
well, to the outside world, and perhaps the judge.. that certificate ='d that the abusive individual had made some progress.. had learned/gained some insight into their unlawful, destructive, violent, ugly behavior, and helped them become better men; better individuals
and while I'm sure that IS the aim of such programs..
the truth behind the seens -as shared with me by people in the actual know
is that the only thing the abusive men improved at; was how to get away with the same behavior but without getting caught.
-that's write. they were required by law, to take anger management classes, that ultimately served to help them become more skillful abusers
improve their craft.
sad, sad, but true.
and the bible passage this brings to mind for me, is the one about ideas landing on different types of soil..
because, if we apply the analogy of soil as mind/heart/soul..
perhaps on the write soil.. of a man who was capable of feeling remorse, capable of seeing the consequences of his abusive behavior on others.. on the write soil, such a man might look to the origins of this behavior.. and try and correct and improve, and make apologies, and apply lessons, and learn to respect... etc., etc.
but the soil of a percentage (what % I don't know) of the men attending these classes, was not write. the soil itself was corrupt.. so they listened, but only heard, what caused them to get caught.. and if they did this, instead of that..
they could still abuse; control with fear; etc... but! without getting caught. and now they have a certificate to show everyone they graduated.
***
so, I just realize over and over... intentions vs. actual results. and how important.. the soil; the roots.. and how important it is to assess -RESULTS.
ive said it before, and worth mentioning.. it is to me the greatest gap.. not the haves & have nots; not the poor vs. wealthy, or educated vs. uneducated..
the greatest gap is between the intention of a law; and the results...
there is such a long list of -intended this, but got that..
and boy are we slow to assess, and repair...
***
so, of course, as I am, as I have described, on a spiritual trek, in a spiritual land mine.. traumatic memories -not buried, but which were resting on the ground
they are floating up.. nearer the surface; easy to reach
and cerebral hyperlinks that I might pass over in different environments, demand to be clicked on
so, I think I will demonstrate how this works, by doing just that. and you can choose to click or not.
I was at mt eden high school in Hayward this past sunday, because
Melissa was performing in her church's band there
[I'm not hyperlinking 'mt eden' because there are hundreds of potential links/no time..]
and before I can write another word, I want to say
-MUCH BETTER visiting mt eden, for church on a sunday, at age 51, than when I was a freshman there at age 15..
"Thank You! Jesus.."
anyway.. wonderful, wonderful...
and the message was primarily from the story in the bible about -loving your neighbor, and then..
who is your neighbor..
happy tears -from (me!) sandra, tvgp
don't you know I just ache.. but keep returning my mind to the knowing; they get to hang out together now. soak up each others good company. the cousins can bond.. and the stories/pictures already add up to: write decision. matt with his magic tournaments.. my sisters new job.. dentist/doctor.. church.. Melissa/keeshie enjoy the mom bond; and my brother -the cool uncle..
and the change is big and dramatic and not without its downside, but what ive been sayin' is -my sister will be the like lucille ball of that town.. she just makes everything funny in the re-telling of any obstacle/adversity
***
and, not on my list of easy things to do, -show up to barones, music under the stars without my sister, but I certainly delighted in the fact "I can walk!" there from here -and there is a small circle of regulars who seem to just know.. and they opened a spot for me on the dance floor and welcomed me in the fold.. so, at first I was crying because I ached for my sister, but then.. I cried some more because they were just so nice about understanding and offering a hug and keeping me dancing write through it..
and then of course it helped quite a bit that Pride & Joy was performing.. and the place was packed.. and the climate perfect...
and, when I was in line for a drink there was a beautiful young woman behind me, who shared that it was her first time there.. she looked out at the packed dance floor and during a longer conversation said to me, "i totally wanna be like that when I get older! this defies the aging myths.."
***
and then, I was the designated seat~saver at main street brewery last night.. "i can walk there!" from here.. I saved a table and chairs for the same very kind people who just embraced me in the dance fold at barones.. they went to Friday night concert in the park around the corner, and then to main street brewery where playthings was performing.. and we all talked, visited and danced some more.
I had to laugh at myself after crying.. and told Sheila.. this whole, missing my sister thing... it started to remind me of how it felt after a break-up with a boyfriend when I was younger..
like.. oh that person reminds me of her... oh! this song reminds me of her... she would like this.. she would be doing this..
and I have to remind myself.. it is my sister, and she just moved away.. she isn't gone/gone; and we didn't break up.. but, when it comes to the experience of missing someone..
I sure know it now like I have never known it before.
***
today, I will be a memorial service for a childhood friends mom -celebrating a 90 year life. and it is at a Hayward cemetery -and I must know at least a dozen people who are buried there.. -none who also made it to 90.. some who never made it to 50.. some who never made it to 30... -and the very youngest, died as an infant.
so, it just seems important to acknowledge. to remember. to pray.
and then next week, on Thursday night: to dance.
In Jesus holy name, ~amen.
PICK UP THE PACE!! prays (me!) sandra, tvgp
visiting a different church every sunday that I go to church for the upcoming year. -and one of the things I cant wait, and very much hope to find..
"BETTER MUSIC!!" -faster, happier, more energized..
it is the most difficult thing for me... well, already, since I don't sing, that whole part is a challenge, just waiting for the sermon/lesson.. but I use that time to meditate/pray..
but still..
it is hard, hard, hard! because I have crossed over..
"ive got the JOY! JOY! JOY! down in my heart! yeah, down in my heart!" -and my energy is a match for that song,
or I sure love, andy grammers, "GOOD TO BE ALIVE, WRITE ABOUT NOW! YEAH!"
but, for many churches.. not all. not Melissa's.. "thank you!"
but, -I walk in with the JOY IN MY HEART.. and energetic, and then they sing slow hymn after ballad after slow hymn.. and it feels like I'm having my joy/energy vacuumed out..
"i worked very hard to get here! stop bringing me backwards!"
so, mostly, I just wait for that part to "END PLEASE..."
and so try this as an exercise to feel what I feel. -k.
everyone already has a default pace at which they walk and speak.
so, without maybe being conscious of it.. you walk a certain amount of steps per minute on your way from the parking spot to the store..
now, -consciously slow your pace dramatically, and see how long you can do that without needing/wanting to get back to your normal pace.
do the same with talking...
and see how good it feels to walk/talk at your natural pace...
and how much effort/energy to adjust it one way or the other..
my natural spiritual pace is "
good to be alive, write about now! yeah!"
not, ...
"
h o w.. g r e a t
t h o u a r t
and, God Willing, i'll live many more years, and no doubt, the longer you live, the more opportunities for tests
and I'm sure I may encounter times when a slow hymn/ballad is a match
but it is not write now and I don't want to miss out on the JOY DOWN IN MY HEART part of my life..
I need some...
".....I finally found my HALLELUJAH!" music..
I need some say amen with a beat! -amen!
Jesus, Chocolate, Homosexuals, Stepping Stones, Netflix, Joyce Meyer, Birthdays, Photography, Capitalism...
i mean, my goodness, where do i
START HERE: if i hear about one more church leader calling homosexuals up for prayer or creating a small group to address this "sin" i think i might lose my mind. STOP IT. -on what authority do i tell you..
but i tell you
in my 20's i was in contact with young (unevolved) punk men.. and their weekend entertainment involved going to san francisco to find and beat up homosexuals. Hideous behavior!! evil.
Please -dear church leaders.. if you want to lead anyone.. if you want to call up anyone for prayer, or create a small group.. to address a "sin"
let it be people who have hard hearts; hate, violence, evil on their minds, in their behavior..
focus on fruits of the spirit... help people manifest love, peace, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control. period.
***
i repeat: while the rest of the world cries about how awful the high divorce rate is.. there are still not enough divorces for me.. as long as we have married people who cheat on each other, who physically/mentally/emotionally abuse... who live lies.. who are indifferent... who behave/speak one way in front of.. and another behind a spouses back.. -all of this makes a mockery/joke of marriage -get it write, or get out.. all of you who give marriage a bad name.. you are doing us no favors staying married on paper; but divorced in your hearts and minds and behaviors
***
and so, if you look inside our minds, our thoughts, we both do the same thing: we take the argument to the extreme in our imaginations. so, when i think about gun control.. my extreme goes to: every place, every school, every home,
every business everywhere needing bars on the windows, metal detectors, and every resident/business owner, teacher, employee needing to own and know how to -under surprise attack; use it.. my mind/imagination sees everywhere like it is at airports write now.. and the safe, peaceful neighborhoods we currently enjoy (without bars, detectors, guns) going literally, totally extinct (as it happened with airports)
but what Robert, (my very sexy) sees: the extreme his imaginations go to, based on his knowledge of world history: the very first thing a group, with long-term strategies for evil power/dominance/take-over territory goals.. the very first thing they do, is -disarm the people..
once you have everyone disarmed.. now you can take over; and quickly, easily...
***
oh! i am aware i have been over-chocolate-eating.. emotional eating.. trying to numb the sadness because one of my favorite co-worker friends has put in his two week notice... my southpark-watchin'-joke-tellin'-bohemian-rhapsody-sign-language-singin'-all-around-wonderful-cashier-carry-out-excellent-customer-service- friend..
and, I've been through it over and over.. melissa, vanessa, erin, gerry.. rachel, austin, brad, /long list actually, but.. "Anthony came back!!"
Shirley reminded me..
this place is just a stepping stone for the young people...
and i decided, i don't like being stepped on. i am not made of stone.
***
i should have led with this: /deduct daughter points..
"Happy 75th! to my most awesome, wonderful, one-line-groaner-joke-story-tellin'-macys-santa-dad!"
we will celebrate this sunday.. with his favorite blackened steak from palo alto..
and, re-watch the family video i /that is my daughter; wink/wink.. made for him in 2001 (?)
#MAGICofMACYS
***
i don't even need to watch it.. but my mom did tape something about one of joyce Meyer's guards.. turns out he was a lyin', cheatin, evil.. unevolved.. he murdered... i don't even need to know the details. what i do know is this: how sad, he had that level of spiritual wisdom write there..
but if you read it, and do not
APPLY it..
if you see it.. but IGNORE.. if you HEAR, but do not listen and learn and do...
if you do not put in the effort.. if you do not believe.. then, in the words of joyce meyer, "you open the door for the enemy"
everyone is under the influence of something/someone.. he was not under the influence of God, or the Bible, or any of Joyce Meyer's teachings, he was not under the influence of love, or any fruits of the spirit.. he was under the influence of ego, the enemy, evil.. very self-seeking; which love is not.
and that makes me think of the evil/scandal related to the catholic churches.. all those evil, self-seeking enemies of the church wearing fancy robes... they had such access to wisdom.. it crossed their ears during sermons, it crossed their eyes in the pages of Bibles.. but they did not listen, learn or apply or believe.. their minds were pre-occupied with their next innocent victim..
***
this brings to mind: a strange counter-intuitive truth: you can have a righteous student result from a corrupt leader; and a corrupt student result from a righteous teacher -as well as, the more intuitive truth: righteous/righteous; corrupt; corrupt...
-because
as the Bible teaches: in Matthew 13.. /and, soil is to seed; as
heart is to behavior
the heart and mind and soul.. if only.. the way we do, reading, writing, arithmetic...
what leaps we could make; leaps of faith; toward our evolution...
***
watched only in part -the case for Christ; Netflix.. there is no desire in me; deep need to have
proven..
in my own life journey.. 1966 to current; the common denominator for a variety of very good things: Jesus.
ive witnessed people lose their entire lives/families destroyed by drugs/addictions.. and of the people ive personally known who successfully navigated out of addictions: Jesus.
ive witnessed people who let upset/grudges take over their lives; their thinking; brewing, growing, permanently destroying a relationship(s); and of the people who were able to let go; forgive; move on.. Jesus.
ive watched victims of evil and ill intention stay bitter, stay stuck, turn to addictions and lose their passion, joy for life.. and then a large number of people like Joyce Meyer, and myself, -who reclaimed passion, joy.. credit: Jesus
i could go on and on and on.. but the common denominator.. the track record... THE RESULTS! ive experienced and witnessed..
all the proof i'll ever need.
***
oh! i cant wait to re-watch, so i can verbatim.. the description of capitalism..
***
close here by sharing one of my longer prayers. and these days, i always hold the rock, my sexy gifted me, while i close my eyes and talk to Jesus
i cannot even count the number of heart(s) seen on that one rock!
anyway.. this is such a blend; hybrid..
but one change ive made over time, is that i no longer ever refer to Jesus, or God, as my father..
i always now say,
my savoir -i do this, because i have, in fact.. been saved. i have existed in the pit.. i remember. and so.. as a way of saying "thank you!" every. single. day.
my savoir, who art in heaven; who put the holy spirit in me, holy honor to your name
your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven
thank you for THIS DAY, and my every meal (robert, my mom/rick..)
thank you for forgiving my debts, as i forgive any future debtors
thank you for forgiving my trespasses, as i forgive anyone who trespasses against me
[i telepathically detail debts/trespasses from the prior day; usually misdemeanors; occasionally felonies]
lead me not into any kind of temptation; deliver me from every kind of evil
for thine is the kingdom, the glory, the power
yesterday, today, forever!
Thank you Jesus.. that no weapon formed against [us] will prevail; that any weapon anyone tries to use against [us] will be used to promote..
thank you Jesus, that our walk.. that everything [we] do, the people we associate with, befriend, help, love..
the decisions we make, the things we read, watch..
the way we forgive,
the vocabulary we use,
our ability to listen, hear..
our ability to be accountable for our mistakes..
our openness to correction; and imperviousness to petty.. to jealously.. to ill intention..
our use of time, energy, resources you provide..
our response/reactions to adversity; to loss; to unexpected challenges and setbacks; to trauma; to evil; to temptations
our gratitude, appreciation.. generosity of spirit
let everything Jesus..
through [ us ] spread everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of God.
Jesus.. 4 point prayers for [names of people with health issues/challenges]
Jesus.. itemized names/specific prayer requests -May God shine in, on, through..
Jesus.. itemized gratitude: Robert! ..family/friends, relationships, work, romance, verve, blog, camera..
and Thank You Jesus.. that it pleases you.. it delights you! to verily bless, highly favor and awesomely anoint, those of [us] called unto your purpose
in your name, in your will...
i cast every care and re-joyce in this day, you have made..
i will be creative, productive and joyful in it
hallelujah & amen!
Public "Thank you. and you.. and you.. and.. YOU!" -from (me!) sandra, tvgp
there are many things we've shared, that would need to become TWO instead of one, like the magnificent coffee maker with an alarm that allowed you to set the time it would make the coffee.. -a gift from our mom, of course.. and quite typical in the blessed kind of way, i was visiting her house when i said out loud, "im going to be in the market for a keurig machine.". it was just a statement, not a request but:
" honey.. i happen to have one in the cupboard and we don't use it.. "
and i went home.. at least where i had been calling home for several years; save a break to carols and back again... -with my very own red keurig amazing coffee-making-on-the-spot-machine..
and i have the blogging day mug my sister surprise gifted me
and I'm drinking from it write now. "thank you!". I love you!
***
how many people in all helped with this move? a lot. and I would just feel terrible if I forgot a name.. But my mind is overloaded and so I must count on forgiveness/understanding if I do.. Jack, taryn, jazzy helped, heather helped, Carla helped, April helped, Debra helped, our dad, our mom, our brother's love, Melissa, her brother jeremy, mike helped, Michelle helped, Michelle's fiance.. Rhonda helped.. Matthew.. Azi/john... Craig helped.. and we were blessed to have offers of help from several true friend others..
there are many different ways and levels people can contribute to helping others move; and contributing in many different ways and on many different days so many people did!
but the lions share, when it came to the yucky, yucky lifting, moving, negotiating, this goes here/that goes there.. drive here/now drive there.. upstairs/downstairs.. take this apart/put this together, etc. Etc.. well, a very big THANK YOU! to our moms husband Rick. We love and appreciate you!
and for the use of his truck.. "THANK YOU!" to our dad.. we returned it clean and.. "I noticed you filled the gas tank.." -he said with a smile in his tone.. and I said, "that's because you helped raise us write."
and I'm saving my gratitude post for the Koopmanns because it will be more involved..
but, before I close, I will share what I've learned over 30+ moves in my 50 years
its just awful. there is no getting around it. but when you shift your focus..
well, the same way you can either magnify the accident or instead focus on the blessings of first responders...
i am choosing to magnify the outrageous blessings of everyone who helped with this move vs. the hideousness of the process itself. In Jesus faithful name! Amen...
and I am focusing on the blessing and happiness our brother and his family will experience having his sister, niece, nephew nearby vs. the absence of them near me..
and focusing on the opportunity for yet another radical declutter vs. the fact i had to pack up..
and focusing on the truly divine beyond my own imagination blessings of being at the Koopmann's vs. not being with my sister, niece, nephew..
if I may reference here one of my own prior posts: my mind is skinny dipping in the beautiful part of the ocean.
that said...
GREAT COME-BACKS as experienced by (me!) sandra, tvgp
oh! I like this time of year..
when they come-back! my daughter.. she came back from college and that sure elevates the spirits pretty immediately and significantly..
and then,
the college kids.. all those young adults I got attached to at alden lane, and who abandoned me, with very little warning, it feels like
to pursue their educations. "they come back!" during the holidays, when they are off from school and returning home to visit their families..
they pick up hours again at alden lane. "Rachel! youre back!"
"Austin... youre back!" "Brad... you're back!" "Joe! you're back!"
and, so.. it's great come-back time.
and, emma here.. she is another treasure. -turns out she plays the piano too, and
-but,
she is not overly fond of performing in front of people; gets a little nervous.
I said with a smile; I said,
"honey.. you could not be talking to anyone who understands that more than me! you are talking to a phobic.."
and a small group of us, discussed our nervousness/anxieties/phobias/awkwardnesses/reluctance
when it comes to public speaking and performances.
-good thing for all of us, john talked emma into playing the piano, and she over-rode her nervousness
and filled the alden lane garden/gift store with the very uplifting, joyful sound of
Vince Garbaldi Christmas music...
-you know I cant "thank you!" enough..
it is the coolest thing ever to have that baby grand inside the store,
but just sitting there...
-left unplayed..
that feels almost criminal. "thank you!" for bringing things to life!
and,
when I consider/remember how beautiful Melissa's piano playing was...
and add your talent..
and having seen John Dell's band perform.. his guitar talent and singing..
and then, -I believe Zach plays the... trumpet?
anyway.. you know my mind is at work on an Alden Lane Band.. What is up Connor's sleeve, musically? I need to investigate...
I'm gonna find out who can sing, who can play drums... and just wait
til you see me with a tambourine...
and how well I can lip synch
***
In Jesus puts me up to these things name.. amen!
oh! Jesus... you know what would be super cool.. !!
-turning the electric carts.. using ..
like, the unexpected into instruments..
oh! my mind is off and running..
running! water -yes, running water over the foil wrapping.. what sound does that make? branches on the flagstone? the cash register, -click; click..
Labels: alden lane, comebacks, creative non fiction, emma, piano, slice of life
Did you know BART can take you to Europe.. learns (me!) sandra, tvgp
some kind of strange thing goes on in my brain about San Francisco.. like, even though it is, by geography,
/let me go fact-check here.. be write back:
***
43.2 miles; 52 minutes; and if driving a very fuel efficient hybrid, a mere estimated $3.50 in fuel..
even though it is less than 50 miles away by earth measurement; real world stuff;
it is like going to Europe in my mind; to my imagination. Now, I've never been to Europe, and I have been to San Francisco
which makes the whole thing stranger still. I already know its easy-access via BART. see! I traveled there with my beautiful children not too long ago for a Michael Jackson Thriller Halloween Party
I was there with my sister /"Hi Keeshie!" and IN one of the most awesome/perfect day/spectacular view parades of all time:
The Columbus, slash, Italian Heritage Day Parade..
I've taken BART and walked to, -and celebrated on The Hornblower Yacht for family birthdays and bringing in the New Year..
it is not like I don't know! and.. my trip with my kids to visit/tour
Alcatraz..
and my goodness..
The Nike Women's Half Marathon! and when I played the flute with the Good Time Band at Pier 39 "thank you!" to Bernie Berke..
/and will skip memories of the
Golden Gates 50th anniversary... and will skip
***
the point is, even though I have been and returned home on a variety of very blessed occasions, - for reasons I cannot explain
and only can share: each time, the very mention of it, the mere suggestion of going to San Francisco weighs on my mind like a suitcase full of rocks and bricks, and starts to tangle knots in the cerebral pathways..
My daughter and her friends visit San Francisco as easily as visiting the local mall, and my son and a group of friends all just went for the day
and when they share their pictures/stories, and I see pictures of the Golden Gate Bridge, or beautiful views from the top of skyscrapers... its as if i'm looking at the Eifel Tower, and feel so proud and happy they made it a l l t h e w a y t h e r e and back home safely.
and when people say to me, "oh, I go there all the time..." i'm like, "really.. why? how? its so far away.. did you get a week off from work?."
the upshot being -despite a number of very positive and practical real life experiences to the contrary
"
its ten times more complicated and involved and time consuming and energy consuming in my mind than it actually just was!"
all of that prelude was just to share, that, "thank you!" here to Gerry Schoon, and her son, Kenny
my one ~
true day off, after surviving the Christmas Season in retail, working 7 days a week between Alden Lane and Ricks Picks, squeezing art in between.. and Christmas Shopping, and wrapping, and delivering, and then two days of inventory... etc., etc.
on my one ~
true day off, I went to the California Academy of Sciences in Europe via BART and BUS 5
the three of us! and Gerry, is like (me!) and my sister, that way.. She isn't one of those people who just spontaneously decides to hop over to The City like its in her own backyard. It was a big deal for her too.. and her son, -it was on the rare adventure list for him too
so we were, the blind leading the blind leading the blind..
but Ju-Ju helped with her experiences visiting there
all the time, and aided us by googling' directions/information, and Gerry did some research online..
and I re-read the website for the academy several times.. got lost in the beautiful graphics, excited to visit, but.. on the directions page, it never directly mentions WHAT? WHICH BART STATION do we get off on? SPECIFICALLY? NAME PLEASE?!
when your cerebral GPS is damaged or missing.. well, ive mentioned it before, and will mention it again.. how I wish the whole world was labeled a little more specifically and ubiquitously and color coded, so I can find my way...
its very taxing. -and unnecessary. i.e., at the PLEASANTON BART STATION
we had to go all the way back to where we had parked to figure out if we were in permit only vs. day pay spot.. and relocate the car, and then go back.. because the lady in the booth, couldn't tell us, by parking space #, where we landed.
this could be avoided if there was A SIGN! which identified
ROWS 1900-2200 permit only "but once again!" I tell Gerry, "they forgot to ask me first!"
I could be so helpful.. the potential for avoiding unnecessary issues/problems, disputes and world wars even.. if they would just ask me first..
anyway.. I'm way off the BART track..
Let me be very helpful here by sharing with you that you want to get off at
THE EMBARCADERO STATION
it is on the CALIF ACADEMY website, and in Ju-Ju's direct experience, that once you exit at THE EMBARCADERO STATION, you take the N-Juda
and per website, once you arrive at
one of several transfer stations, you catch the
Muni's N-Line
but "thank you!" here to a kind, total stranger, inside the booth at the Embarcadero Station,
we walked, along the write side, up the escalator, and hopped on BUS 5.. which took us almost directly to the front doors of the Academy; save a couple blocks, for $2.25
and let me say here, how blessed I feel to have a new friend! but doubly-blessed I was feeling as we walked past the incredible landscape that serves as entry to the academy, because my new friend is also a horticulturist!
that means, she could actually name the trees, flowers, plants as we passed by them!
and it turns out, her son is quite the knowledgeable one also. it was such a joy, and education, to take in the sights, sounds, textures, exhibits,
all of which are shared so professionally/brilliantly on the
website itself, it would be silly for me to be redundant
the highlights for me, were.. everywhere! but, of course, I get a bit of the gag reflex where they share the Darwin/evolution theory as if..
so I pointed to the famous/iconic ape to human standing erect on two feet picture
"that IS NOT an evolved human being!! -those who manifest the fruits of the spirit! THOSE are evolved human beings!"
-its much harder to capture that evolution in a graphic. but there oughta be an exhibit where they show the spiritual narrative.. born flesh/spirit.. baptisms.. spirit conquers flesh... fruits of the spirit manifest.. ego conquered/selfishness conquered/fears conquered.. forgiveness achieved..
from self-centered flesh motivated to loving humanitarian..
and, I remain curious about just how long it will be before the apes/monkeys that are currently apes/monkeys in the world and zoos write now.. how long before they too -evolve, via natural selection.. why only a percentage? or has it all worked out, that, -perhaps, the apes/monkeys go extinct, eventually, because the number of evolved, upwrite-standing humans are pro-creating and no longer need... ? and I am just personally convinced, that
well, who among us gets to check back in a million years; write. I'm just of the belief -born a monkey; stays a monkey. born a human; stays a human. stick as many years in between as you'd like. there is a master, and there is a plan..
***
I must interrupt my own story here to share..
it was a conversation which took place with a customer, -we got on the subject of raccoons.. and I said, what is practically script for me now, because the same cerebral hyperlink gets clicked on when..
(me!): "... and I didn't know they were aggressive toward humans until my neighbor..."
him: "well, they have to be! just think about it for a minute," he tells me, all proud and knowledgeable and certain, "look at their size compared to us humans.. they have to be able to protect themselves"
and it raced through my mind.. too many animals and creatures to itemize or count, but that are smaller than humans but not aggressive
and I decided it would take too long, would require too much effort to correct him, or explain, and the transaction at the cash register was over anyway, with another person waiting in line..
so.. he left just as confident as he had arrived.
and I spent the rest of the day wondering.. how many people have not taken the time or energy to correct me in areas of my own ignorant certainty?
-none of us can actually know.. there is something very funny, entertaining and sad about that all at once.
***
we had a great time, all of us, on our trip to the California academy of sciences in Europe. and brought our own picnic.. and sat outside, on a gorgeous day, to eat and visit, and take in the very beautiful environment..
plus, look at all these wonderful additions to the heart seen collection:
and we all felt -that, wonderful sense of personal accomplishment, having ventured out into new territory, and finding our way on public transportation.. and hanging out in such a stimulating place and
we had a very slight detour-accidentally getting on
-not the wrong, exactly, but a different bus on the return.. and, still arrived back to BART, and back home, fulfilled and safely.
***
and, Gerry and Kenny dropped me off and headed home..
but my one and only true day off did not end there. "thank you very, very, much!" to my mom
I got to conclude my adventure with a one hour,
very sublime
-perhaps, what was the best massage of my entire almost 51 year old life. /so, out of 12 or so, over five decades.
but, yes, the best of my life! so, go see Melissa at massage envy, pleasanton
***
when I sent her a thank you, I said, "this positions me well to deal with the upcoming stress of having to find a new room to rent by the end of January."
yes.. it is time to move ~again. the family i'm renting from now, are "BIG CONGRATULATIONS!" expecting their first grandchild..
a boy.
and the space I'm in will be for... /insert name here sometime in February.
***
"you know you always have a room here" says my mom with a smile..
***
In God's got me on the move again's name..
hallelujah! and amen! /picures to post when phone/upload issues are resolved..
Labels: alden lane, bart, Bernie, California academy, evolution, Gerry, good time band, gps, Kenny, massage, mom, moving, neuroscience, new friend, public thank you, rent, san Francisco, science, true day off, walnut
