SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

happy tears -from (me!) sandra, tvgp

don't you know I just ache..   but keep returning my mind to the knowing; they get to hang out together now.  soak up each others good company.  the cousins can bond..   and the stories/pictures already add up to:   write decision.  matt with his magic tournaments.. my sisters new job..  dentist/doctor..  church..    Melissa/keeshie enjoy the mom bond; and my brother  -the cool uncle..

and the change is big and dramatic and not without its downside, but what ive been sayin' is  -my sister will be the like lucille ball of that town..   she just makes everything funny in the re-telling of any obstacle/adversity

***

and, not on my list of easy things to do,  -show up to barones, music under the stars without my sister, but I certainly delighted in the fact "I can walk!" there from here   -and there is a small circle of regulars who seem to just know..  and they opened a spot for me on the dance floor and welcomed me in the fold..   so, at first I was crying because I ached for my sister, but then..   I cried some more because they were just so nice about understanding and offering a hug and keeping me dancing write through it..

and then of course it helped quite a bit that Pride & Joy was performing..   and the place was packed..  and the climate perfect...  

and, when I was in line for a drink there was a beautiful young woman behind me, who shared that it was her first time there..    she looked out at the packed dance floor and during a longer conversation said to me, "i totally wanna be like that when I get older!   this defies the aging myths.."

***

and then, I was the designated seat~saver at main street brewery last night..  "i can walk there!" from here..   I saved a table and chairs for the same very kind people who just embraced me in the dance fold at barones..  they went to Friday night concert in the park around the corner, and then to main street brewery where playthings was performing..    and we all talked, visited and danced some more.

I had to laugh at myself after crying.. and told Sheila..   this whole, missing my sister thing...  it started to remind me of how it felt after a break-up with a boyfriend when I was younger..

like..  oh that person reminds me of her...   oh! this song reminds me of her...    she would like this.. she would be doing this..  

and I have to remind myself..  it is my sister, and she just moved away..   she isn't gone/gone; and we didn't break up..    but, when it comes to the experience of missing someone..  

I sure know it now like I have never known it before.

***

today, I will be a memorial service for a childhood friends mom   -celebrating a 90 year life.  and it is at a Hayward cemetery    -and I must know at least a dozen people who are buried there..   -none who also made it to 90..  some who never made it to 50..   some who never made it to 30...    -and the very youngest, died as an infant.

so, it just seems important to acknowledge. to remember. to pray.

and then next week, on Thursday night:   to dance.

In Jesus holy name,  ~amen.

posted by SHE @ 8:22 AM