SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

what one thing would I like to change about the world?  my answer might surprise you.  if you consider my greatest current concern is technology out~evolving humans; and my heart for victims of human trafficking; and then we have global warming, and terrorism, wars, greed, lust, addictions..  poverty/homelessness..   diseases...   such a large range of issues plaguing the world and humanity today..    it really, potentially, could be hard to choose ONE THING i'd like to change about the world.  but it is not hard for me to choose.

I know.

if I could only change one thing about the world,

and for me, that actually means the people who populate the world, not the world/earth itself,

it would be

that each person would learn to

OWN THEIR OWN STRESS.   each person, would master this..

OWNING THEIR OWN STRESS.    oh!  just this one change would alter the very course of our universe and existence from headed into the wrong, to into the write direction!

it is not currently discussed, I don't believe, as the pandemic that it is; for the health issues, and negative consequences it yields..   for the unnecessary damage it co-creates..

and I say, co-create, because when person A's stress, gets unjustifiably unleashed on the entirely innocent, just in the way of fire, person B..

both people are internally damaged.  and in fact, like a cancer, it sometimes spreads.. and now person B..    who absorbed stress/upset/anger from person A, needs some release..  

and so now, person C...  also entirely innocent, but in the geographic line of fire of person B..

has person B's stress unleashed on them...

on and on, etc. etc.

but!  if person A, in my scenario, had mastered the art of recognizing and owning their own stress!

    -that changes everything!  for the much, MUCH, much better.

***

God has accomplished this work in and through (me!).    1.  I have learned to RECOGNIZE and OWN MY OWN STRESS..    2. I am also, now,  IMPERVIOUS to the STRESS of OTHERS..  but clearly and painfully remember when I was not..

how many times I was innocently in the line of fire..   and took it personal; or it shook me up; or it made me cry; or it created insecurities; or I accidentally passed it on...

it is knowledge I sure could have used earlier in my life, but didn't have or know.   and, I must digress very briefly here to point out:  or to ask rather:

when a human being evolves from being super sensitive to the stress of others; to entirely impervious..    my experience is that this is very spiritual; I'm curious what is taking place physically/biologically/neuro-ally..

and while I have in fact evolved in this way..   I cant quite give a step by step..   

I cant give a step by step for how ive gone from sensitive to impervious, but!  I can give an example of how I went from unleashing my stress unconsciously on innocent others, to OWNING MY OWN STRESS..

***

this will be a very pedestrian, light-weight example, but the patterns and essence are there.

when I was going through my divorce, some 10+ years ago,

and let's stop write there and acknowledge:  divorce = stress.

and I was moving out:  stop.   moving = stress.

and I had bills I was behind on paying.  stop.   unpaid bills = stress.

and appointments with a mediator = stress

and my soon to be ex-husband was once again providing me with super-short notice that he was headed out of town...      stop.   constant changing schedule = stress

and i needed to be at the house at 4am    

well, anyway

prior to all those stress factors adding up, piling up..     if one of my young children was running a little late it was no big deal..   so gently i could say, "hurry up tiger"  or  "let's hurry it up love~bug"

and very patiently wait..   and eventually we'd all get going..  smiling, light-hearted, i could say, "all write, good job.. kiss/kiss,  let's get rolling.." 

but!  add a stress factor here, a stress factor there..  here some stress, there some stress, everywhere stress, stress, stress..

and the exact same beautiful, precious children, and the exact same amount of time we were running behind..

suddenly would become, "I SAID GET DOWN HERE WRITE NOW! WE HAVE TO GO! NOW DAMN IT! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU!"

***

now, they didn't deserve that.  and I'm going to put a picture of them here, when i find one, of the two of them, about the ages they were when we divorced, 6 and 9-ish..   /around the same ages, me and my siblings were when our parents divorced:  6, 9, and 12.   INNOCENT.  

VOOPS.

Victims Of Other People's Stress.

***

so, in that scenario i am guilty of dumping my stress on them..   and one of the things i am very most proud of, about how i handled all the stress of my divorce, move.. etc.

i stopped along the way; i NOTICED/RECOGNIZED when i was dumping my stress and i went out of my way to breathe..

to look both my children in the eyes, and say, "I'm so sorry.  you didn't deserve that.  Mommy is just stressed from this and that..   -that's not about you, okay.."

Really in life, and job interviews, when they ask you about your proudest achievements, you know they are always looking for academic success stories, or profit numbers, or awards, certificates and public recognition

but, for me..   that is one of my proudest achievements.   would have better if i did not unleash my stress on them at all; but i did..

and when i did, i recognized and apologized for it.

especially children, but sometimes adult VOOPS too:   they are not impervious; that takes a lot of time and training, a certain amount of maturity and life experience, etc.   -we are not born impervious, we are born sensitive..  somewhere on the sensitivity spectrum..

and how to articulate for  VOOPS...  what it is like, what happens on the inside, when your innocent self has someone elses stress fired at you; dumped on you; unleashed on you..

it is very hurtful.  and it requires recovery.   to what degree/how often/how long;  -all variables.

but, i am proud i started to recognize and own my own stress.   -so, now,

and remember i am 50, not 21..

or 30, or even 40

but, i can know when stress is adding up for me.. i can feel it.   and i have learned how to recognize it, and make sure i don't dump it on others.  

so, if you accidentally bumped into me, in a crowded place when i was not stressed

and you said, "sorry.."

and i said, "no worries.."

i could do that exact same thing, under enormous amounts of stress today..  it would not turn into

"WTF?!?  PAY ATTENTION!  YOU JUST BUMPED ME.. "

i can still go, "no worries"

and the reason this became a priority for me over the years, and i set out to master it..  and on my vision board included becoming impervious to the ugliness of others

is because i remember how awful it is to be a VOOPS; how long it took to recover..

these are two of the most important life skills from my perspective:

1.  OWN YOUR OWN STRESS

2.  BECOME IMPERVIOUS TO THE STRESS/UPSET/ANGER of OTHERS

and it must be, that one of the ways you can become impervious instead of sensitive to..

is by recognizing how it happens so quickly in ourselves.    oh, that person must be stressed about..

and 90% of the time, when someone is dumping anger/upset/yelling/snapping; it is due to stress factors piling up in their lives

10% you are just dealing with an unevolved jerk.

In Jesus is the Prince of Peace, name...     ~amen & amen!