Friday, August 19, 2016

Nature Frames my Jeep Blue See. photo by (me!) sandra, tvgp

  ..through a window
I get to see
beauty, life, and my jeep blue see.


blessing, inside a blessing, wrapped in a blessing  -remember I said that.  here's one of many.
in the prior location, in the bathrooms, and in the showers, the only windows were little slats way up high.  fresh air was available, yes; but no view, unless you were like, 7 1/2 feet tall, or brought a chair to stand on..

/which maybe I did, or maybe I didn't

the first time I opened the bathroom window here..    thank you Jesus...    thank you Koopmanns...

and it inspires me, living here/working at Alden..  to amend the meaning of my tattoo

Conquer the World with Kindness and Beauty
may I further add:  my nephew and I were somewhat attached to the shower head at the former location.   when it broke off, and narrowed the water stream into a liquid spear nearly taking out an eye..  we refused a replacement, and instead taped it back on.   it is all about the water pressure.  which was perfect.

and finding a match is nearly impossible.  and ive stayed in enough locations, and hotels, and friends/family homes to know

what we had was a true treasure.    I knew better than to get my hopes up for this location...

but the very moment I stepped into their shower..     thank you Jesus...   thank you Koopmanns..

and I still cry off and on; and I still ache in a place I cant point to..   but, I am absolutely, positively, completely certain

  -especially sitting and sharing a family style dinner with the Koopmanns..   sharing, eating, laughing..   getting emotionally choked up, and recovering...  and eating, sharing, some more..

surrounded by one beautiful view after another, in the large windows, and windowed doors of their home;

and surrounded by beautiful art:  paintings, sculptures, photography, plants..

and did I tell you?  my sister collects elephants..    and JuJu Koop sculpts and saves elephants?  I am surrounded by all of these magnificent tangible reminders of our bond and love..

and the plants and trees and flowers here..    

they have poured life in, and brought back to life a number of plants and trees..

it is how I described them yesterday:   "... they save plants. and elephants. and people.."

they are saving (me!).

I feel saved from the potential downward spiral this transition could have resulted in.

lastly, and I will close..

blessings, inside a blessing, wrapped in a blessing.   -remember I said that.


thank you Jesus..  thank you Tyler...   because it was always too hot to sleep upstairs at the former location..  like, cant breathe.. and the air conditioning never made its way up, so I always slept on the couch downstairs.  then I got really used to that..  so used to that, that even when I stayed at other houses to pet sit, or visit..   even when I was offered a bed; I turned it down and slept on the couch.  -maybe it feels less lonely that way too, -write.  there's not a whole empty side; you fill up the whole thing..

anyway..  here.  a bed.  and not just any 'ol bed.   -the thing even vibrates, massages and tilts up and down.

and if you read me for any length, you know, I value SLEEP above all else we are supposed to do, like eat write & exercise..  

it is the most valuable thing I can share about having PTSD.   SLEEP is the single most important thing you can do; get a true, full nights sleep.   ALL healing requires that first and foremost.   Any loss and interruption from sleep, undermines all other efforts/medicines..

it is the lack of SLEEP, the night after night after night, of interrupted sleep, and sometimes no sleep at all, that I believe contributed so negatively to the intensity and longevity of my PTSD.  

the most succinctly I can put it is:

the less sleep you get; the worse your PTSD becomes.   the more and better sleep you get; the quicker you can heal.

and so,

I don't have PTSD anymore; but this transition had the potential to trigger...

but when you add the kindness/generosity of the Koopmanns; the beauty and beautiful views; the ability to walk to church and walk to one of my two jobs vs. drive...   the perfect water pressure of the shower...

and then this! vibrating/massaging bed.

honey..   two nights in a row I slept 12 hours straight.

and even better..  

when I talk to my nephew on the phone, you know what he said to me from his new location:

I got my first full nights sleep in a long, long time.

-my whole being experienced gratitude and happiness. my sister made the write decision.
 We serve an awesome God..

and from our phone conversation, I get know

my heart knows..  they are all headed in the write direction too.   -and surrounded and bonding with family..   and on the way to making new friends...

hallelujah & amen!
  "i love you!"


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