SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

HOT DATE for (me!) Sandra, tvgp

As is my routine, i was already in my happy giraffe pajamas.. Book in hand.. Snuggled in and just a few minutes shy of taking my helps-me-sleep-through-the-night medicine.  Truth is, had he asked me to the movies, or join him walking his dogs..  I would have yawned, "im gonna call it an early night tonight.."

But he said something about hitting a bucket of balls.  And despite the fact i dont golf, have next to no athletic ability, etc, etc, ..

It was like suddenly i had 6am energy and get-go at 8:30 at night.

"I wanna go!".  -and i literally flew out of bed, changed back into my street clothes, washed my face, and waited all excited and anxious for his truck to pull up out front.

It is very romantic i must say..  At night; the golf range place.. 

Only thing missing is some music piped through.. But otherwise, dark clear sky.. Pretty lights revealing the greens..

Gorgeous stretches of open space and grounds filled everywhere with visible little white balls of trials, efforts, mishaps and..

In the distance -somewhere; beyond where the eye can see:

" victory! Success!".     -seems so exciting to someone like me

To hit that ball so hard and so far it goes to places you cant even see anymore.

K

Well, it was pretty easy to find mine.  -still on the mat a couple times; then about one pathetic short city block straight ahead..

"You hit it very straight though.. Thats good"

-may i stop here to say thats exactly when i decided for sure id be removing my clothes for him at some point..

I just like that in a man..  When he focuses in on my strengths.

And he was a great coach!  Very patient..  Specific:

"Know why that happened?... Because you turned your head to see where the ball was going to go.. You need to keep your eyes on the ball"

And do you know when i kept my eye on the ball and didnt turn my head..   "It worked!".   -contact; air; distance...

Plus,  ..imma straight shooter it turns out.

-which should surprise no one really; write.

And i just loved, loved, loved watching him do his thing..  Same way i like watching my son on 1st base..

The posture, concentration, gestures, expressions, sounds; instincts..

..so beautiful... Watching that little white ball fly through the night sky to who knows where..

I know most of what i happen across on tv shows people golfing in broad daylight..

But i think this should really be a nighttime sport.  Sex and golf; game high, lights low. Add music..

Im just an athlete of a different kind..

Anyway..  im putting it on my list of favorite dates..

Weve been twice now..  And he said i show enough promise that our next date might just be on an actual real life golf course..

So, help me out here..  Where are the bay areas best night time golf courses? 

Im going to make a private reservation.. Then have a sleeping bag waiting on the 18th...

I had no idea golf was so romantic...   

posted by SHE @ 8:33 AM 1 comments

Public "thank you!" To unknown from (me!) Sandra, tvgp

Dear unknown kind person.. "Thank you!!".  I feel as if I was divinely guided to circle around and drive by those golf clubs next to the handwritten 'free stuff' paper sign.  " FREE?" I said to myself, "that's my favorite price!".    I said thank you to the sky in case it might reach you and then carried them to my writeousmom-mobile half concerned someone might  come running after me yellin' " STOP! THIEF!  ..  those are mine..."

You never know these days; so many divorces and all..  Maybe one spouse got pissed off at the other spouse.. And just put the others spouses shit out on the sidewalk with a FREE SIGN on it..

I've seen much worse..

But.. Upon examination..  All the dust, yellow, stringy, mildewy, spiderweb-like adhesive that was stuck all around the bag..  And the rust on the clubs themselves..

Seem safe to guess they just hadn't been used in years; were buried under who knows what in a basement which  -perhaps inspired by a sudden move, or particularly influential episode of hoarders.. Was now being cleaned, decluttered and organized.  I don't know.. I just excel at projecting..

Anyway.. "The timing!".  Here I've been on like,  3 hot dates now, with who I affectionately, sarcastically refer to as husband #3, at the golf range hitting buckets of balls with HIS clubs..

Now..  God being the creative choreographer he is..  " I have my very own!"

I took the bag this very morning to the AM/PM station where they have a supersonic vacuum for 4 quarters..   So, if anyone is keeping track.. My free golf clubs are now $1.

I vacuumed best I could..   Let me just say they did not come out 'looking bran new'.   So I took them to the dry cleaners where they explained the bag would not fit in their machine...   My best bet is the car cleaners where they professionally detail cars..  But that has to wait because I was only like, a football field away (see how naturally sports related things roll of my tongue now..) From the golf range.. So..

Today I paid $7 two times for what amounted to "120!" Balls.

And I'd like very much to tell you that I hit all 120 balls..

I did in fact swing at all 120 balls..

And in conclusion I would like to tell you the same thing I told the man at the register -twice- who gave me change for my $20.  /he was hard of hearing:

"I've never enjoyed sucking at something so much in my whole life."

"IVE... NEVER ENJOYED SUCKING AT SOMETHING SO MUCH IN MY WHOLE LIFE.."

And I couldn't have been there today without you; unknown kind person..

posted by SHE @ 6:52 PM 3 comments

getting to know each other... robert & (me!) sandra, tvgp

posted by SANDRA MICKANEN @ 6:54 AM 0 comments

DID YOU SEE (me!) On CHARLIE ROSE?

I sat to the write of the freakonomics guys..   Only interrupted them twice

-the first time, was when the one guy said something about 'no problem that hasn't been solved by technology..'. -or something to that effect..

And I smiled and said,  'excuse me please, pardon me..  But I just wrote about a man who thought his expensive, luxury car was the most important thing in the world until his sibling died of cancer.  In the aftermath of her death; his priorities changed.  People became more important than cars.

It was not technology that helped him evolve.  I just wanted to point that out.  -thank you..  Carry on...

/and they carried on..

The only other time I interrupted was when they started talking about their next book;

Golf stats.

"Excuse me please.. Pardon me.. Yes, but what a tremendous waste of your God given passions and talents..  How 'bout..  Instead of improving golf scores.. How bout

Justice for all!

Two people just committed the same high crime. Parking 3 1/2 hours in a spot with a sign that clearly reads 3 hours only.

Criminals!  Both of them!

Their fine is $45.

Same crime.  Same fine.   Justice; write?  Fair?

One person earns $10/hr.   The other, $500,000 a year.

For the $10 person the fine takes away from grocery and gas money.  For the $500,000 person,   -tiny inconvenience.

-same crime. Same fine.  But not the same consequence..

Solve.   Thank you!  Carry on...

posted by SHE @ 10:00 AM 2 comments

THOUGHTS ON POWER & PUBLIC SPEAKING by (me!) sandra, ttgp

power was not an easy word for me to select and place

on my word wall. it makes me incredibly uncomfortable

and so i decided rather than avoid it; i should live with it for
a while. stare at it. glance at it in passing. sit next to it. let it live over my shoulder. perhaps with the hope i could desensitize myself to it


i admit to some self-consciousness when others see my word wall. power? -wonder what they think, but never ask, and find it's not volunteered.

and so when i saw donny deutsch's recent program, becoming a power player, it impacted me powerfully in many ways

one of his guests, daymond john, author of display of power, was especially wonderful to listen to because a) we have the shared experience of having a gun held to our head, and b) as he quoted his mother's definition of power, it became my favorite definition of power EVER:

/and wish i could get it verbatim.. but close to this: "when you don't have to ask someone else's permission to experience pleasure; that's power."

i love that! i know many people missing out on a lot of good times waiting for someone else to green light their being, idea or vision. waiting for permission to act, to create, to have fun, to speak, to share an opinion; to do anything. i was stuck on that island of endless frustration myself for a while.. but no more! as my life clearly shows.

and donny had daymond talk some about being held at gunpoint. he said, (paraphrasing) "that's not power.. when you have to use a weapon.. that's not power. power is in forgiveness.. in having and chasing a dream.. "

and i so deeply agree. it seems a shame to me.. a problem really with our lack of vocabulary that we use the word "power" to describe cowardice or angry acts. the "power" of a person with a weapon; the power of controlling others through intimidation, fear, threats or status.


and then use that exact same word, -power- to describe the ability to acheive goals, to positively influence others (teachers), to save lives (nurses/doctors), enlighten the masses (scientists), persevere through set-backs, obstacles, and challenges, the -power- to create




unfortunately, the uglier definition of power resides in me.


the word reminds me of being bullied as a child by gang members.

reminds me of a 250lb alcoholic man pushing my little 3rd grade self down the hallway;

the threat of a fist. the threat of a knife.

reminds me of having my very life in the hands of a serial rapist/murderer; a bankrobber.


the word power reminds me of guns. and the word power reminds me of the ugly people in the arts/craft industry who prevented my work from being showcased or recognized.


i've struggled with this topic before.. in the archives somewhere, when my friend (and former writing coach) cindy fisher luck gave me a writing exercise in which i answered the question

"what would your power suit look like?"



http://shesayswithasmile.blogspot.com/2006/02/my-power-suit-by-sandra-kay.html



but i have two really wonderful definitions to associate with this word now. daymond's mom definition, and then...



melissa boyd's definition. another guest on donny's power player show. a young teacher.



http://www.cnbc.com/id/25274593/site/14081545/



and bless her brave heart.. she got up there with a group of highly experienced, confident power-playing men, -dressed in red- which i'm sure she's been told is a power color for women - and even though her voice quivered.. she continued on. it seemed not fair to me. like putting a rookie in the ring with four three time world champions. and with her self-confidence in question.. no matter what the men said or did to lift and applaud her work -her power- as a teacher; it read, patronizing.


this is a real bummer and i know it well. this ability to speak in public.. in front of large audiences, in boardrooms, or classrooms, or on national television, without your voice quivering..


my God! -do people who can do this naturally realize what a gift they've been given?!?





my ongoing battle with public speaking includes.. crying through an entire reading in a woman's workshop; hands and paper shaking through an entire reading ( i mean that paper was SHAKING! not vibrating just a little) in a social studies class... knocking knees and sweaty palms for numerous speeches throughout college; some strange non-stop yawning nervous reaction; and a few times where i couldn't get my teeth to stop chattering and my mouth to open all the way. i've spit out total non-sense when i had too much to say, and have gone totally mute for the same reason.



if i had any common sense i would have given up a long time ago.



but -thank God- innate in me is this little tiny somethin'... this little rebel seed... this irrational determination to conquer my fears



and so when my friend john told me about toastmasters, i checked it out.



toastmasters is one of the greatest organizations of all time. i'm sure of it.



and i lucked out with an extraordinary group of supportive founders/some similarly frightened peers when i joined pleasanton toastmasters many years ago.



i'd rather link, than repeat common details: http://www.pleasantontoastmasters.com

but what a valuable, wonderful, helpful experience this was! over the course of i don't know how many months (years), i gave 10 speeches; listened to hundreds; evaluated many, and earned my ctm certificate. i am a certified toastmaster.

( i should get that certificate out and hang it somewhere.. considering how often i forget)


of course my favorite part was writing the speeches. every prompt in the module inspiration for a creative story.. this made the whole thing possible.. if i had written something i was proud of, this helped me unstick myself from my chair and make my awkward way to the podium.


i am never not nervous. but always i completed the task, and several times i won the best speaker award, and many times i won the best evaluator award and sometimes even the table topics award. this did, i'd like to say wonders, but

this did help my self esteem and build my confidence. plus i made some new friends.


i'm too embarrassed to tell you how hard i worked to prepare for the delivery of each of my ten speeches. how often i rehearsed. how i read them out loud over and over and over, and read them outloud while jogging up and down stairs into tape recorders..


because sometimes when i'm nervous i lose air -get that super high pitch disappearing voice thing going on- and i knew if i could breathe correctly while speaking, this would help


i'm embarrassed because the speeches were sometimes only 3-5 minutes long, and i could write them fairly quickly, but saying them out loud? i don't know.. maybe i'm being too hard on myself.. is 86 hours prep time for a 3-5 minute speech reasonable for beginners?


some people -who i also do not like- would show up and say, "i wrote this speech at lunch today.. rehearsed once; ready to go"




what i have learned since that time, is that public speaking is like golf. -at least, it's like i hear people who golf, describe the golfing experience. take a break and you start again from scratch.


that's me.


i think it is recorded pretty well in this blog of mine..


the nerves i've had to conquer, over-ride, ignore, co-exist with to guest appear on in a word with jim ott & kathy cordova. the amount of preparation.


and it's not been perfect.. i have my quivers & stutters... but overall it is a positive and rewarding experience (i'm hopeful melissa boyd feels the same).


i am most comfortable though talking about mag time frames. i suppose this is because i've been talking about them, and creating them for five years now.


preparing without consciously preparing. teaching workshops. talking to store owners. the tradeshow. the scrapbook show. my little 3 minute news segments on various stations. making them at parties. -sharing with anyone who will listen..


so in this recent segment on conversations with robin fahr -where i'm smiling really big-


it's because i'm really happy.


i told my friends catherine and carla recently, " i could stand next to oprah on national tv and not be nervous talking about or making mag time frames"


and i write her everyday with that dream.


and it seems a good thing to mention before closing, how grateful i am to the teachers, and for the curriculum in our elementary schools here. the kids, beginning in 2nd grade, and some even in 1st, are required to give 1-3 minute speeches once a week to their friends in the classroom.

it's like a toastmasters marathon for children. brilliant! by the time they graduate elementary school, they have more experience giving speeches than most professional adults i know today, and it shows in their confident and entertaining deliveries.

"to the power of trying! -and teaching! -and learning! -and praying!" ~amen.

posted by SHE @ 2:13 PM 10 comments

BE THE FIRST TO TELL by (me!) sandra, tvgp

i must speak to this issue. to this article in the pleasanton weekly titled, YMCA forum deals with sex abuse arrest.. it is in regards to an andrew michael nisbet, a golf coach, who has been charged with 65 felony counts.. as a rape survivor myself, i am hypersensitive to articles regarding sexual abuse.. while as you, if you have not experienced anything so horrific, you may read the article, unaffected, sip your morning coffee, shovel some eggs and toast in your mouth, (DEAR READER.. LONG PARAGRAPHS I JUST TYPED SPONTANEOUSLY HAVE JUST BEEN WIPED OUT.. -SOMETIMES i feel so defeated i want to scream and .. i can't get them back, my words, the way they just came out.. let me keep going anyway). Where was i? i'm not even going to worry about what was just lost.. my post will make less sense, but let me get write back to where i was before the wipe out: i was sharing my ultimate goal: my ultimate goal is this: to get victims of sexual abuse to speak out. speak out first. speak out early. speak out. SPEAK OUT! SPEAK OUT! -SILENCE.. is still, in 2014.. the number one weapon employed by predators. they can count on it.. count on it in our culture.. they literally use our shame based culture to their advantage. it sickens me. i'm awkward on the subject with my own children.. imagaine that! as a rape survivor.. wanting with my whole heart and entire being to protect my children, and everyone's children, from this horrific crime.. even i feel awkward. -that is also used to their leverage. it sickens me. i return briefly to when i learned that the rapist i helped put in jail, had been arrested (or held) before.. victims who for reasons i am not priviledged to know but certainly can guess.. changed their minds about going to court. decided not to prosecute. guess where that left me: a victim. -i wont pretend to know the truth about this article in the pleasanton weekly, the truth about this specific alleged predator.. how many victims, etc. -but i do know, and can confidently share the pattern that continues to this day: silence as a weapon which yields more and more victims. the crime -the criminal does not, will not stop until someone SPEAKS OUT! IF you are a victim who does not speak out, your silence literally contributes to the success and empowerment of the predator. If you are not a victim, just an everyday citizen, and you do not create an environment where victims feel they can safely SPEAK OUT.. you are literally contributing to the success and empowerment of predators. i know, i know, i know, no one wants to conspire with predators.. it is not with intention..it is ignorance. but we have got to wake up.. speak out. and so, to the young boys who did speak out.. "Thank You!" -your courage is enormous, i'm well aware, and you should receive honor, badges, glorification for helping PREVENT Further victims in the predators line of fire.. to the victims who were rendered, manipulated into silence by both the predator and our culture: i understand. the odds were stacked very high -very high- against you. do not absorb shame or guilt that belongs to the predator, and to our culture at large. we've all got some work to do.. and now let me share with you, that very recently, i woke in the middle of the night.. it has been over 30 years since i was kidnapped at gunpoint and covered up and raped.. i still wake at night sometimes. i refuse to process this as some kind of weakness on my part, and rather process it as a result of the severity of the traumatic crime -anyway.. my brain tries so hard to understand: i go like, okay.. i can understand when someone car-jacks.. they have a drug addiction maybe, need money, need transportation.. they go steal the first car they see.. got it. i can understand gang violence.. territory wars.. i can understand when one gang member does something offensive to another gang member and i can understand -revenge. i understand that violence.. i do not approve or condone.. but i understand. i understand (again, always.. dont approve or condone, just understand) i understand when people steal money and things.. and i understand when people hurt people who have hurt them.. got it. got it. got it. -but! under what set of circumstances, does a person, -who does not steal a car? who does not steal money or things? under what set of circumstances does a person.. go kidnap, rape and terrorize someone who did nothing to them ever? whatsoever.. and the rapist doesnt steal the car? or any material things in the car? -the crime is literally exclusive to terrorizing an unknown human being.. there is no revenge involved? or perhaps that is exactly what it is about.. revenge against.. women (a given gender), a race (white people), an economic system (capitalism) -taken out on a human being that represents a larger internal war and struggle for the criminal... i dont know. but, sometimes, even though over 30 years have passed. i wake. in the middle of the night. and wonder about these things....

posted by SHE @ 8:31 AM 0 comments

Magnificent Monterey Bike Rides w/(sexy! tops! & friends) #monterey #bikeride #loverspoint #pacificgrove #handfeedsquirrels

 the first time; all we did, was ride our bikes from el estero picnic area to pacific grove/lover's point, and i was like, "this is the best bike ride EVER!"

and then, in a future ride, we rode from the el estero pincic area to pacific grove/lover's point.. and then we rode some more, until we reached asilomar state beach, and it was so gorgeous there, i literally felt rewarded for riding further, and was so pleased to take my adult children there too

i thought that was "the best bike ride EVER EVER!"

BUT THEN, 

on a recent ride, we rode from el estero picnic area to pacific grove/lover's point... and then on to asilomar state beach... and then!   on further to 17 mile drive, all the way to bird rock

and now, I am officially convinced

THAT IS THE BEST BIKE RIDE EVER EVER EVER!    i mean, the views! the views!  i already can't wait to go back

we have become like, tour guides..   and had the great pleasure of bringing my daughter and son on a ride, and then, our good friends, sebastian & valerie  (AKA: the sugarbears), and then, our good friends, john & maria (AKA: san bruno & santa maria).   i think the whole wide world should ride their bikes from el estero  -where you can have a lovely picnic and fuel up..

past the wharf, behind cannery row, to pacific grove/lover's point...     keep going along the stunning coast to asilomar beach, rest/water up,  and then keep going to 17 mile drive...  more stunning views of the coast on one side, gorgeous homes/golf course on the other...    past china, and on to bird rock, where public restrooms await..     and then back..  front/on cannery row, not behind it, on the way back, and don't forget to stop at nestle's for some fresh chocolate chip cookies.  "it's tradition!"

        we also added a dinner at phil's fish market in moss landing on our way home, that's not a bad tradition either...

already can't wait to get back to monterey again..  we want to keep going past bird rock..  and do the entire 17 miles.

i will remember it as my happiest day of 2020    "Thank You Jesus!  Thank You My Sexy! Thank You Family & Friends!"     amen

****

you can see they have replaced the old 'lover's point' sign, with a new, freshly painted lover's point sign which includes 'pacific grove'   -and, they moved the trash cans further away from the sign too.  great choices!

there is no hand feeding those charming squirrels write now..   closed due to covid/pandemic restrictions, and..  the dramatic elimination of food sources from locals and tourists has brought out the worst in the seagulls, now in larger numbers and bullying/blocking squirrels from getting any food, and the squirrels are being more aggressive and mean toward each other...  it's yucky and sad..  there was also a new population of small little birds suddenly looking for scraps too..   

i pray for a return to the way it was!  there were well fed, and well mannered,  charming squirrels you could so easily hand feed, with just a few seagulls at a distance, hanging out but not aggressive

but this is what happens when you so suddenly terminate all people traffic and food sources  -starvation does not bring out the best in anyone..  and what happens to one group affects another...   and another

this pandemic, shelter in place, is perpetually reminding me just how interconnected we all are; to each other and with nature.     hand feeding those squirrels was such a highlight of the bike ride for me; i miss the experience terribly..           amen. 

posted by SANDRA MICKANEN @ 6:51 PM 0 comments

"We Did It!" (san bruno! santa maria! sexy! & tops!) #monterey #handfeedsquirrels #bikeride #pebblebeach

 el estero.. thru the wharf...  behind cannery row... pacific grove/lover's point "feed the squirrels!" on to asilomar...   to 17mile drive...   UP spyglass (brunos ride/sexy & i push our bikes); along the golf course...   land at pebble beach visitor center for picnic lunch.   -return.. pass by several 17 mile drive icons..   the lone cypress... ['maria get down from there.. you are making us all nervous]   all the way back to the wharf..  drinks and best baked clam chowder in the toasted bread bowl EVER at fisherman's grotto.   -back to el estero..  load up the bikes and head home.   "Thank You Jesus!   -some of the most breath-taking coast, beach, active ocean wave views and all around gorgeous landscaping in every direction."      ENCORE

posted by SANDRA MICKANEN @ 12:10 PM 0 comments

"Golf scene" photo by (me!) Sandra, tvgp

posted by SHE @ 8:59 AM 0 comments

Wouldn't That Be Somethin' by (me!) sandra, tvgp

my guess was 4.2 magnitude..   my mom told me this morning it registered 4.4; the earthquake during last night..

oh no! earthquake:  cerebral hyperlink; must click open

***

and so, in one of Robert's text to me, he referred to me as  ~an answer to a prayer.

and speaking of prayers and cerebral hyperlinks, I shared with him..   well, if he would like to be an answer to my prayer

   -first he would have to know what it was;  -write.

the prerequisite knowledge required is to know I have been a student of Joyce Meyer's for I don't know how many years now.  And!  I am a student of hers for LIFE.

and, one time, during her talks, she mentioned how she was with her husband, and in conversation with another woman for a time, and then when the woman left, she said to her husband, "that woman is very pretty isn't she."

and Dave said back to her, "I don't notice other women.  You're my girl."

and my entire heart leaped!   and I must have rewound and replayed that message 60 times!

                   and, I said to Jesus..    I said,

IF     -there is ever to be another man in my life...  May he be like Dave Meyer..   please.   amen.

and, I do not know Dave Meyer personally,   and I do not have spies, or ways to record him, and  -fact check

but I have been watching these two for very many years,

and I am quite confident Dave Meyer is not just saying what he thinks his wife needs/likes to hear in the moment to appease her

and then, when he is with his golf buddies, he uses that time, to discuss which woman he would lay if he wasn't married, or wouldn't get caught..  or which flight attendant is the most doable..  or which server..

I don't think he talks about other women in an i'm-attracted-to, or sexual way in front of his wife, or behind her back.

And Dave Meyer, to my knowledge is an otherwise typical male heterosexual..

I don't think that he  -never- has these thoughts enter or cross his mind..   I just think he is a man of God

a true man of God, and he holds those thoughts captive, as the Bible teaches, and he deletes any thoughts disrespectful to his wife internally, -he doesn't entertain them, or magnify them verbally

in order to live in harmony with his internal code of honor; in harmony with God and as a way of honoring his marriage and vows

I believe he demonstrates

not just in word, but in deed,   -high respect for God, his wife, and their marriage.

***

now, certainly Charlie rose is springing up here..   as someone..  yet another person who says one thing, presents one persona on camera, and then, behind the  -seens..

I have no way of actually knowing Dave Meyer's behaviors/conversations off camera, and out of the presence of his wife

I only know him via television, books, brochures..

but I believe.

I need to believe.  I want to believe.   I have to believe.

I do believe.

****

Have I mentioned I view Christine Caine as the Harriett Tubman of my generation...

***

Did I not just blog about my not so great track record with money..   my Christmas shopping budget being,  -the balance left on two credit cards before I hit their limits..

May I mention here..   what I love about life!   the surprise factor!   especially when it's pleasant; a pleasant surprise..

those things you can't see coming                /or people you don't see coming!  like, I never guessed in a million years  -Robert

but, my pleasant surprise this time, is unexpected $, which will allow me, an entirely clean slate
     public "thank you!" here to my grandma Harrison,    who said so often,  "I just love, ~love."

the greatest romantic in our family.

***

speaking of delighting in talking to total strangers..    worth sharing, how yesterday I engaged in conversation with dennis and fred     -landscape designer, and set designer..  two true creatives

and, fred shared about being an instructor at ohlone college..   set designer, actor, producer, director, etc.

and I shared about being a play~write..   and a little about my theater debut:  Kissin' The Chocolate Blues   -and Faith Alpher..   Jessica Reaber..

and,    -maybe, maybe, maybe..

cross my fingers, braid my toes, sign of the cross three times:

"We will take the stage again!"      /only this time, with funding.. and

I twirled write then, and there, near the cash register in Ruthie's Room at Alden Lane, when Fred
said something about    -Royalties and

"did you say I might get paid!?!?        wooo hooooo!"

because in my heart of hearts..   Kissin' The Chocolate Blues deserves many stages, many audiences..

and wouldn't that be somethin'!     to not only hit the stage again, but get paid..   wow!

***

personal prayers here for a dear neighbor who died recently..   straight to Jesus open arms, I have no doubt.

***

In Jesus knows how to uncage singin' birds name...     amen!

posted by SHE @ 8:20 AM 0 comments

The Heart Seen.. In my scabs.. By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

.. What happen here was I was holding the golf club all wrong..  Chance to redeem myself today...

posted by SHE @ 8:16 AM 0 comments

LISTERS -LOVE this documentary, -have a request.. sandra mickanen reporting

 

posted by SANDRA MICKANEN @ 9:34 AM 0 comments

Dear Sam Altman, from (me!) sandra mickanen, writeousmom

 loved the opportunity to watch and listen to the talk you shared with young entrepreneurs at stanford.  "Thank You!"  

although i am retired, not seeking employment or to 'start up' a business, 

i have been reading here and there about AI, and do want to gain a layperson's understanding.  

   -it is a world my adult children, and my grandchildren, are currently navigating, and future grandchildren, will be navigating..

i have had ONE direct experience with chatgpt, and was very impressed!   i am a writer, a poet, and no longer in school or work where i might have been inspired to employ chatgpt to greater degrees..

i love to write..    i love to write in the same way people love to play golf, or scuba dive, 

i want to do it myself; learn by doing..  grow by doing, improve through practice; trial and error, all of it is a joy for me, so i do not use chatgpt

but i do not like solving large complicated math problems   -this is a joy and challenge for some, but i would lean toward a chatgpt/math version to short-cut the process; just give me the answer...

which brings me to AI..

poking around TED talks..  youtube..   i have heard the 'digital species' analogy

   /metaphor?

wait.  let me look up the diff..

look!  an AI Overview    [which, one day became the default (1st/top) answer format for any question i ask my phone, and therefore made me want to learn more]

and one of the first things i learned   -AI Overview is not 100% accurate.  It does require a close read; some level of discernment.. 

posted by SANDRA MICKANEN @ 12:20 PM 0 comments

Return to the scene of great times! 3rd bike ride of 2025 -the micks in #monterey

posted by SANDRA MICKANEN @ 12:18 PM 0 comments

CH = golf clubs for (me!) sandra, tvgp

as I have mentioned once, or three thousand times..  I must bypass/ignore/over ride several cerebral hyperlinks every. single. day.

but when I passed this one by...      I couldn't just pass THIS ONE bye.


/SHE says with a smile...

posted by SANDRA MICKANEN @ 10:00 AM 0 comments

CHX3 by (me!) sandra mickanen

 i do restrict the amount of CH stories i post and link; but these three seem to be on repeat; so here you go:

-because we were recently @ top GOLF for the 1st time  (LOVED it)

-because i watched ( and LOVED ) song sung blue, and have had multiple conversations about it

-because of the recent re-issue of THIS STAMP:

    -so, there you have it.   as i've mentioned many times..   in different ways, 

i have no need to write fiction; real life is so generous to me

hallelujah & amen. 

posted by SANDRA MICKANEN @ 8:26 AM 0 comments

"GRAND SLAM!" by (me!) sandra, tvgp

i really did see a grand slam  -real life. yesterday morning.   my son was on 3rd when it was hit..  what i can tell you, is that if my son makes it to first base..  whether he walks or runs or crawls..  he'll be crossing home plate

there's another beautiful sports analogy gift wrapped in here..

i'll help you find it.  'cuz one of my sons strengths is..  making it from one plate to the next.  he's fast and he's determined.  nothing do i delight in more, than watching him at a base, when the pitcher is throwing to the batter..  and my son is in position to steal

that crouch! knees bent.. arms out..  head forward. eyes everywhere at once.  hangin' out at his favorite catch-me-if-you-can distance from the plate.  hyper-ready for that one false move..

"gone!"   pitcher over-throws and before he can even get the ball back..  jack's at second  -or third.  or across home plate

so yesterday..  well, i'll confess a certain..  how can i call it?  well, let me just say, i'd much rather see my son hit a single than walk..     but, "good eye" and all that, he made his way to first base

i looked at him on first..  and the way all intuitive mom's can do..  i said to myself  -now the fun. he'll be crossing home plate..

and here's the part where i give away how much of an active parent i am; and am not..  -because, do i know all the kids names, numbers, positions   -no.

next kid gets up.. gets on base; jack's now at 2nd.   next kid gets up; jack's now on 3rd.

bases loaded as i've learned to say

don't ask me how many outs..  who cares.  the important thing, is that next kid up..   HE SLAMS IT!

i follow the ball with my eyes into the beautiful blue sky and by the time i look back, jack has already crossed home plate and is heading back to the dug out    -then i watch the next kid come across the plate..    and another!  

everyone is certain the kid at bat hit a triple..  and "wow!"    -you can hear the cry of "hold at 3rd!  hold at 3rd!"   -cuz by this time, ball has made its way back to the infield, but no...

kid doesn't hold at 3rd.   kid gets in a pickle!   runs back toward 3rd.. no!   runs toward home plate... no!   back toward 3rd..

and then, appears to think..   f-it..   and just goes for it...  dances his way write around the glove that's chasing him.. runs, slides and referee gestures and hollers, "safe!"

1st grand slam i've ever seen in my son's  -i don't know what..  7 years of baseball.

side note:  this changed the score on the board to read 16 to 4.       and there's another sports analogy for you..  find it yourself.

anyway..   exciting.   i couldn't be present for the entire game, but i was present for that moment, and so; there you have it.   

if i hadn't already been craving my time at the plate.. this sealed the deal, as they say.    -we already know from my short story collections of my true life experiences   -i tapped danced my way through school; no sports.

and i know today..  dance is sport, and all that.. but back in my day..  dance was for stages, and sports was for athletes.   and at all the company picnics in my adult life..  no one organized a show; everyone organized a baseball game, so..

on my list of things the valedictorians fail to mention..

still, i love what see when it comes to sports..  everything it can teach.  all the life analogies tucked inside everything from practice, to competition, winning to losing, and    -/hurting here for the write words,     -and, "so much more!"

i've such a long list of favorite sport movies..  rudy! of course, pistol pete, birth of a legend!   -the passion...  the heart...  the determination...  destinies.   remember the titans!  hoosiers!  rocky!  -the soccer one with matt damon and morgan freeman..  

learn so much from the players/coaches i've seen interviewed by my charlie rose  -and it doesn't matter what sport.. tennis, baseball, football, wrestling, soccer, golf...

basketball.

greats are greats.   and so even though i myself have never played..  and lack the vocabulary and experience to use the analogies i do   -i do it anyway.   awkward but often.

and i've been thinkin'...   /imagine that.

thinkin' for a long time now, how i need to get myself to the batting cages.   -thank here, my uncle ernie, who recently died, after a 18+ year battle w/parkinsons,  -for introducing me to the batting cages in my youth..  think i was 9 or 10 or so..

loved it!   -but haven't been back since.   -so, 36 years later; this hunger.   to hit a ball with a bat.

and i want to recommend it for ALL writers.   here's the thing..   as i explained to my daughter: 
 -when you are a writer

and may i say, this is even more true, if you are a blogger.    -and you've been at it for a good while.   well,

you have an internal feeling inside; writer's compass...   artist's score card of the sentient kind, that allows you to know

KNOW

when,   -here's comes the analogy...  when you've struck out, hit a single, hit a double, a triple or in fact, you've

SLAMED IT! out of the park...  bases loaded; grand slam!

but this is easy and apparent in baseball; unquestionable sometimes  /based on the referee..  and playback videos

point is..  

posted by SHE @ 12:18 PM 0 comments

On The Eve Of My XLIXth Birthday. By (me!) Sandra, tvgp

I am the same age as the Superbowl.. So every year in promotional materials, t-shirts and mass media in general I get to see my age in giant roman numerals.  I love it!

XLIX

***

my parents, like many; but not all,  -they had a wish that when I grew up I would be "happy and healthy."

let's start there, because "I AM!".   and so are my own children.. happy & healthy; thriving in life..   if that was all; it would be more than enough.. but that is not all:

***

every morning I handwrite the same thing, but I'm going to add in some details for the sake of this birthday blog:

I am in the Best Shape of my ENTIRE life!

financially:

-yes. that's write.  I remember well the day someone all judgemental in tone said to me, "you're not one of those people who live pay check to pay check are you?"

I said, "pay check to pay check?!..   are you kidding me?  I ASPIRE to live pay check to pay check!   -write now I live cash advance to cash advance."

And I no longer live cash advance to cash advance..   Now,  I have no income I can currently brag about for sure.. But I have made tremendous progress in this area and if I take debt-to-income ratio into account.. I really am in the best financial shape of my entire life!  -and what I know for sure Oprah.. Is that the habits you adopt with a little are the same habits you will have with a lot; so I am very conscientious.  

physically:

"I can do 49 push-ups!".   -somewhere I got the idea that I would like to be able to do my age in push-ups. Where the idea came from, I don't know. I didn't have it at 30, 35, 40 or 45..  but I did at 48 1/2..

When I started I could do ZERO.  -zero push-ups.  But I've been training and practicing every day for several months now on my own.. And we are talkin' real push-ups, not on my knees.. " I can do 49!".    I recently did this in front of my family and had it recorded. My form gets a little sloppy before I reach 49, so I will work on this.. And add 1 more so that next year... "50 push-ups in a row! In great form!"

mentally:

I am in the best shape of my entire life!  -very free; peaceful; content in all circumstances.  all I have to do to appreciate my mental health today is spend 3 seconds remembering the long tour in hell with PTSD.  -I am literally free of every symptom! 

emotionally:

-again, -best shape of my entire life.. Free to experience the full spectrum of human emotion; appropriate emotion for given experience. I laugh when things are funny; cry when they're sad.. Experience and manage  frustration, anger..  Love, bliss, joy!  

PTSD locks you in fear.  DEPRESSION locks you in hopelessness;despair.    I am intimately acquainted with both.  But "I am more than a conqueror!" In both areas. I am free! And I recognize and honor my emotions; manage my emotions; they do not control me.

I repeat often..  The opposite of depression is not happiness.  It is being able to experience the full range of emotions.  I am mostly happy; occasionally sad.. and many things between.. alive! And emotionally responsive to my day to day encounters and experiences..

spiritually:

-best spiritual shape of my entire life!  in prayer I graduated from 'only in life or death situations' to..   well, I function in life now with Jesus as my everyday, every moment, invisible best friend. -perpetual dialogue.  And I came to define success for myself as the manifestation of the fruits of the spirit: love, peace, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, -self control.  I am pleased with my spiritual practices; my walk with Jesus...

it has proven out in my life experientially: God first.. Everything else falls into place.   things I do on a very regular basis: prayer, meditation, bible reading, church, church TV, spiritually themed programs...

creatively:

best shape of my entire life!  -I have a healthy variety of creative outlets:  this blog, my Ricky picky photograph collection, the heart seen photograph collection, my mixed media art, poetry, documentary I've been working on, merchandising, accessorizing and preparing now for two upcoming art shows..

socially:

Best shape of my entire life!  I have a small circle of the best friends anyone could ask for!  A best friend in my sister..some friendships that go back 25 years or more..  Some 10-15 years..  And new friends added in just the past 5..    Life experience, prayer, wisdom has allowed me to 'weed out' people where needed and invest, nurture, grow friendships with a select few..    I have a nice blend of my own quiet time; solitude which I treasure.. And outings..  Dancing, theater, walks, readings.. Etc.  -healthy social life.

romantically:

how blessed am I?   .. he's giving me a second chance! -after I 'kicked him to the curb' (his words not mine) some 25 years ago...  and I've been on a 100 mile Harley ride..  To the golf range..  dinner, lunch and coffee dates..  the occasional rendezvous..   I get to hold hands, kiss,..   have a valentine!   -someone to bake cookies for.. watch sports with..   entertain with my unique blend of intelligent awkwardness..  plus.. come on! he's Italian! a retired police officer!
has golden brown eyes, and ... 

intellectually:

I stay intellectually stimulated by reading, watching my Charlie rose.. A steady diet of books and programs which expose me to great thinkers, spiritual leaders, challenges the world faces..

so!  It is true: I am in the best shape of my entire life!

"Thank You Jesus!"

***

I also always handwrite:   please allow me to be a positive influence in someone's life this day.

-I very consciously choose the words 'positive influence' -because .. Well even when I mess up; make mistakes..  If I own up to my mistakes; apologize when it is appropriate...  That is being a positive influence.  It does not mean being perfect.

***

I also handwrite:   every thing and everyone within God's will for my life comes easily and naturally to (me!).

And:

Thank you Jesus for placing me in the write place, at the write time, doing the write things, for the write people, and most importantly

the write reasons.

~amen.

posted by SHE @ 6:14 AM 0 comments