"..Mary Re is in the spot tonight.. music under the stars (barones!)
I sing it like this:
Let's get it crunk, we gonna' have fun
Up on in this dancery
We got ya open, now ya floatin'
So you gots to dance for (me!)
Don't need no hateration, holleratin'
In this dancery
Let's get it percolatin', while you're waiting
So just dance for (me!)
Come on everybody get on up
Cause you know we gots to get it crunk
"Mary Re is in the spot tonight!"
As I'mma make it feel alright (Make it feel alright)
Come on baby just party with (me!)
Let loose and set your body free
Leave your situations at the door
So when you step inside jump on the floor
[Chorus]
It's only gonna be about a matter of time
Before you get loose and start loose your mind
Cop you a drink, go head and rock your ice
Cause we celebrating No More Drama in our life
With a great track pumpin', everybody's jumpin'
Going ahead and twist your back and get your body bumpin'
I told you leave your situations at the door
So grab somebody and get your ass on the dance floor
[Chorus]
We don't need, don't need, no haters
Just try to love one another
We just want y'all have a good time
No more drama in your life
Work real hard to make a dime
If you got beef, your problem, not mine
Leave all that BS outside
We're gonna celebrate all night
Let's have fun, tonight, no fights
Turn the Dre track way up high
Making you dance all night and I
Got some real heat for ya this time
Doesn't matter if you're white or black
Let's get crunk cause Mary's back!!
The Heart Seen... At Barone's Music Under the Stars by (mary re!)
...made all the more special because it was surrounded by the happy dancing feet of a whole group of us
Sending our Mary re off to Texas with lots of love. Xoxo
The Heart Seen.. & Memories Shared by (mary [gerace] re!)
we both grew up on Peterman ave in Hayward -went to the same schools /that is, when I went to school...
she was a dear friend to me.. my brother was her 1st boyfriend.. and, my family, my parents, my sister, my brother.. we all cherish her still; love her! mary re
ive had the great honor of staying in touch.. watching her baby girls grow into amazing young women.. attending her wedding to jon... occasionally visiting over the years..
and three years ago, we had a goodbye party at barones, music under the stars, when she moved to texas,
this heart seen contribution is from her; from that very night
-and, another of her heart seen contributions, was the very most beloved when the exhibit was at the alameda county fair:
it is of her dog (RIP) riley.. who happened across an ant hill; scratched his nose raw... but what a heart seen in the healing! xoxo
and
I am so very happy to share.. SHE'S BACK! from Texas, [having escaped the flooding, with their former house still standing, and providing shelter for friend victims of the flood]
and, we have so many memories.. I'm not sure where to even start..
but I've invited her as a guest blogger, and her response, which made me laugh out loud:
Sure! Do I have to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth??
and my response to that, is:
Please Do!
-one of my strong memories -quite entertaining, possibly humiliating if videos exist..
taking turns dance~charading and lip syncing to Queen album -bohemian rhapsody
you, me, sue-sue, Debbie (?)
are you mary, as grateful as I am, that cell phones with video capability/instragram/social media/facebook did not exist when we were teenagers?
PREPARING FOR BATTLE.. (me!) sandra, tvgp
spiritual battle. I have my armor on!
Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.
***
as I have already written in detail: I will bullet point here
I am engaged in spiritual warfare. I am on a spiritual trek in a spiritual landmine in San Leandro.
it is my responsibility to revisit tragedies and traumas and great suffering that took place in and around here. I will honor this responsibility
without getting stuck; without going spiritually backwards
my single motivation is to demonstrate from what dark/ugly/toxic/damaged/worthless pit, God can still reach his hand..
from what depths; the heights! from what evil.. good can still come!
from what ashes... beauty! from what numb/traumatized state.. joy! love! hope!
when God has a hand in it... WOW!
and God is love.. and God works through people...
so, it is the LOVE from many people, family, friends and strangers.. which has brought me
HERE:
San Leandro, California, United States of America 2017.
And exactly because I know my spiritual trek, in this spiritual landmine, has the -
potential- to send me backwards
in addition to putting on my spiritual armor, as described in the Bible.. I have quite consciously re-spent time with friends/family dear to (me!)..
this strengthens! and empowers!.. so, phone or in-person visits with my children, my siblings, my nieces and nephew.. my dad, his wife.. dinner w/Sue Regnier; a lunch with Charlotte Severin; a coffee visit with Catherine Teeter and Carla Graci, lunch with Kathy/David Biondi, a phone call with Mary Re, upcoming visit with Lisa Tiner.. tonight: live music, dancing, visit with Motown, Lana from BSF, and my fellow dancing circle friends... I am enormously grateful for my family and these friendships! whether you realize it or not.. you have strengthened me and empowered me for the battle ahead.. I love you!
and God has me write where he wants me. I know this. I am with my mom and her husband. in a loving home; loving environment.. /spoiled, if I could be so honest... with love, and meals, and conversation, and warriors games together.. it is a pleasure and gift to wake up here, and return here at the end of a honest days work... /blocking out commute..
and speaking of work.. alden lane! -so, in between the loving environment I awake in, and return to: I am in the most beautiful/wonderful working environment ive ever known..! I have been working since I was 15 years old.. -nothing tops this! the people; the place..
this also strengthens and empowers me for the battle ahead. I know this.
I feel prepared. I am prepared. "Thank You!" to everyone who God works through... to everyone who allows God to work through them...
"Thank You Jesus!" amen.
#charlotteseverin
"MARY. J. BLIGE! LIVE! IN CONCORD for (me!) sandra, tvgp
well, (us!) me, my daughter and our hp's. LET ME TELL YOU.. this is when i am the most disappointed in myself as a human being. when i think i must just embarrass Jesus.. or piss him off. because.. kinda like those moments when God gives you a perfectly healthy, beautiful new baby.. and you complain about the hair color. know what i mean? out of nowhere.. my daughter has a friend, who has a parent, who has like.. an INCREDIBLE DEAL on VIP.. VIP! tickets to see MARY J BLIGE IN CONCERT! IN CONCORD! k, so.. let me tell you about what VIP stands for: free close parking.. dinner on the private terrace, VIP seating, own private table, own private waitress, own private bathrooms! i will spare you the drama i experienced getting my shift covered so we could go.. (even if it has to cost me my job...) honey.. "WE ARE GOING!" -AND now it's true, my priorities will be judged harshly by some.. i need an oil change, i need new brakes, i need to see a dentist.. but! more than any of that, i needed to see MARY. J. BLIGE! LIVE IN CONCERT -a double date with my daughter. a memorable, wonderful experience no one could ever take away from us.. she loves her too! an artist who speaks write to the heart of both the young and .... middle aged. daughter.. mother... and our handsome princes love her too! so add on.. an artist who speaks to both genders and all generations. -so.. maybe this speaks to my inability to prioritize correctly.. or maybe it speaks to the power of music in our lives.. but i said, "Jesus.. i know you understand" and got the cash advance.. and got the tickets! but it is not this behavior/decision i think embarrassed or irritated Jesus.. it's this one: even with VIP parking, private dinner on the terrace, private seating, private waitress, private bathrooms.. gorgeous climate.. outstanding warm up performances.. and MARY. J. BLIGE! LIVE! giving her audience everything she had, and then some.. even though i smiled, and danced, and sang, and drank.. and had the absolute best time of my life.. shared such a beautiful evening with my daughter and our handsome princes.. in all honesty... i've still not entirely recovered from the fact that she did not perform.. the take me as i am song. everyone has that one song their (i mean they're) waiting to hear.. longing to hear... that one song you know all the lyrics too.. the one song you've heard on the radio.. or cd... and just know would be almost life changing to hear live... and if you don't hear it during the body of the main performance... you are ABSOLUTELY SURE you will hear it as part of the encore.. well.. i waited (and danced and sang and ate and drank), and waited.. (and danced, and sang, and ate and drank)... and waited and cried watching MJB... oh! you know that saying, "she left it all on the stage" -it means the artist held nothing back.. went inside the deepest place within themselves to sing their hearts out for their fans.. she did that for us! in a song i think is called, no more... -she gave us everything! well, ALMOST EVERYTHING..... she did not give us, -take me as i am. she did one of my daughter's favorites for her encore... and then i was extra sure mine was coming next.. but then: LIGHTS ON. ARTIST GONE. THE END. -because the lights went on.. no one even chanted and begged her to come back out.. everyone seem to know the show really was over. oh.. my heart was BR o Ken. and i felt so guilty.. such a rare night with all the spoilins' anyone could ever ask for.. and still... i longed for more. i wanted to hear take me as i am. i'm still disappointed and tryin' to make peace with it.. three or so days later i told my daughter it must mean that i'm supposed to see her again! "but dear Jesus... only on this one condition..." /can you believe the gall of my prayers.. but! i'm going to retype the lyrics in the next post and i think you will understand. it speaks to and about a gazillion different women from around the world.. (me!) included.
"Sandra, How Can I Find A Robert?" asks (darby!)
don't you know, I smiled so big when she asked me. Who can blame? And I rather wish and pray, every woman can and will find their very own Robert
because this one:
he's taken!
and I can hardly believe it myself.. let's review: Christian. Single. Devoted Father to two beautiful young adult children. Excellent Work Ethic/Noble Service; Great Dancer, Phenomenal Cook, Animated and very fun sports fan, Gift of Hospitality, Wonderful circle of Friends.. Romantic, thoughtful..
who wouldn't want a Robert.
and let me tell you.. the first time I saw him with his shirt off.. I prayed immediately!
"Jesus! I'm so confused.. so confused..
put no confidence in outward appearances..
put no confidence in outward appearances..."
and I looked.. and, was like.. WOW! what a heart this man has..
and then, I asked Jesus to turn up the heat.. because, "boy.. it is pretty hot out isn't it..." I said with a smile..
"definitely too hot for you to put that shirt back on..."
and, so..
I have no idea really, save only Jesus -God's favor clearly! that I should be so blessed, so lucky
-show up at work with a week's worth of delicious lunches he has prepared for me.
getting to say goodbye to peanut butter sandwiches
and then,
dance together on Saturday nights at the best clubs..
and wake-up sunday mornings in those, tan, sculpted, gorgeous, strong arms..
I will put no confidence... but I will put my body write about here..
"clearly, I am in receipt, of not only God's favor, but some kind of bonus package.."
whatever I have done Jesus to deserve.. please help me keep doing it..
***
I was single for a good long time and not even looking! once you achieve the level of peace, joy, happiness.. once you have worked quite hard for it; accidentally jeopardized it entering into relationships with the wrong one /or two, or fifteen,
you start to protect it with a great deal more consciousness.
but in my prayers, I stayed open. "if - you- want a man in my life, Jesus..
well, you are going to have to practically place him in my lap, because I do not trust myself looking.."
and then quite a sequence of events, quite a number of planets had to align:
-he had to have recently ended a relationship, -which created an incentive to go out dancing..
-he had to go dancing, -specifically at barones in Pleasanton
-on a night I was there (chances high) -but! on a night I went to the bar after dancing ended (chances: very, very low.. as I have only done that 1 time; and only because mary re was there and guided..)
and so, blessed mary, we call her..
and then.. other planets.. my sister's surgery date rescheduled, which resulted in us having four very romantic sundays together before I would leave for three weeks..
there's more. but, trust (me!) -I am very grateful, very happy, very much in love.
***
Robert says: he planned on just dating and not getting involved with any one woman.. and, that he thought all women he would be dating would be pretty much about the same..
no one special; no one different..
and that, but then I came along, and changed his mind.
/and now, we all know, caution tape should be placed around men's mouths; -write
because they figure out pretty early how to say all the things you want to hear..
but,
I argued with my ego, and my heart..
who doesn't want to hear they are special, different from all the rest.. ego is an easy target..
but there was something about how it felt when he held my hand
and how he looked at me
and how each meal tasted
and how he confused me when his shirt was off
and how he danced
and how he kissed
how comfortable I was made to feel..
how he told me I was at the top.. knocked everyone else off the ladder.. and gifted me with the term of endearment, and! even had a stocking in his house he created with "tops" on it
I can't even describe it as a
slow surrender..
because pretty quickly I moved away from doubt, and went write into, "Thank You Jesus!"
and "There is a God!" and, "Honey, I am being highly favored!"
***
and now here is the thing -for anyone, like darby, who wants to meet their own Robert
1. I had absolutely -no!- idea, the week before I met Robert, -that I ever would meet Robert. Total, utter, complete and very pleasant SURPRISE
2. I have casually, in conversation, listened to a million, 'how they met' stories, and I have formally, written featured articles, where I learn/share/write about the same information..
it can happen a million different ways, for a million different people, and you never know when.
but the common denominator: an open heart.
***
so, we each had an open heart,
we each liked to dance,
and, in a love letter Robert wrote to me, in response to a love letter I had written him:
We both love Christ.
We both love life.
We both love each other.
***
can I hear a hallelujah & amen!
Beautiful Grandma Harrison -2009, archives re-post by (me!) ~topps
from the archives: -and i really do enjoy re-reading my own memories -this post is packed; it shares my dream of one day becoming a famous writer, shares how i think about money and returns on investment; it shares my grandma harrison's wisdom; it shares the importance of music.. how to survive lean/tough times.. and more. and not in that order:
plus -fun to learn about myself -never saw myself living in San Jose; ever. And i treasure my time; raising my children in Pleasanton -but have zero desire to return. and! my writing/art studio here! Studio 213 -it is far superior to the one from 2009... i crazy love my life here with robert -and have re-created what made that neighborhood so awesome -friends, and first name or nick name basis with some of the most awesome neighbors anyone could ever ask for! Blessed, blessed, and blessed to be a blessing. Look what God can do:
BRAIN SPILL by/for me! sandra, tvgp
i thought the order in which i would miss things would look like this: computer, music, tv. but in fact, it was like this: music, computer, tv.
God, did i miss music! so when my alarm went off in the morning, instead of popping up and shutting it off write away, i'd let a couple songs play..
and now i have a deeper appreciation and understanding of that saying, "it was music to my ears"
and my children (thanks john) suprised me with an ipod for christmas and i think this is the greatest, most wonderful-est technology of all time, after the internet and comcast dvr.
first thing this morning: a dance around the house to
family affair by the one and only - mary j blige. i always called it "the percolator" song..
but it is so -mandatory dance- it should be prescribed listening for physical therapy patients and could knock a good two weeks off scheduled sessions
and before it slips.. and because it clogs, let me here release a few holiday memories from 2008:
the nutcracker at the bankhead theatre in livermore/awesome/wonderful: tickets thank you to tri valley haven; a christmas carol at the pleasanton playhouse/fantastic/enchanting: tickets thank you to kathy cordova; the most delicious chocoloate chip cookies in the universe, plus sensational peanut brittle & cranberry bread: thank you to (ooga booga friends) virginia and katie; the parade down main street; wintery delicious fun "build-your-own sunday"-sunday thank you to the teeters; grandpa pez as santa at macy's; shopping/dining/visiting/great times thank you to sister & mom; superfranks fun thank you to carla & dominic; wonderful christmas eve/day & huge christmas feast thank you to john & family; every christmas card, picture and letter (i keep them ALL -have for many years.. amazing watching the children grow) thank you to friends old and new; and
AND
hoover, wind tunnel, self-propelled vacuum
inscribed brick at the firehouse art center (scheduled to open 2010) -and where my plays will be performed..
membership with the pleasanton art group
writeousmom.com on truck window
breathing room for christmas shopping in general & two bills paid all THANK YOU TO MY GRANDMA HARRISON ~ we miss and love you! ~
different & missing: our first year not hosting the good neighbor's holiday boutique -but putting an album together of the 8 years we enjoyed this event
and while my mom did host thanksgiving, and have her 25th (?) annual cookie exchange party - i do not attend having learned what a toll it takes on my spirit to be in san leandro. -difficult, and yet, the days pass quickly and i know i am much happier/stronger for making this decision
-and better still, and most importantly.. my mom loves me and understands
and speaking of happier/stronger: i've spent the past couple days prettying this place up and taking LOTS of pictures
confirmed rumor has it, the owner might sell which =
i might have to move. on short notice.
"are you going to cry mommy?" my kids asked me.
"not at all," i said. "i'll be wherever God wants me -but i've never been happier in my life than living here.. "
and then i take more pictures because
"because... you know... when i become famous, they'll want to re-create the living environment where i did my best writing..
where i posted over 600 blogs.. where i woke every morning to read and respond to squidmann.."
and i do have many beautiful fantasies of people -tourists- fellow writers mostly, coming to see what my writing studio looks like..
and they LOVE it..
and a laptop sits open, write here.. write where it is write now.. where i write every morning, and a guest book spot is open on my website and everyone who visits leaves a little note, poem or story.. a few words in the guest book; whatever feels write at the time
and they look real close at my collage(s) of inscribed books.. and my library.. and my ultra cool tao book shelf, my library, my word wall (and of course there is a list of all the different words that have been rotated/featured on my word wall)
my mag time frames hanging here and there -all the family/friend pictures all around
my giraffe collection, my picture of Maya Angelou.. my aunt & uncle's gorgeous pottery.. the handmade blankets i snuggle with..
and it is always kept with fresh flowers and candles -fresh flowers from the farmer's market -held year round only two blocks away- which "she spent $9 every saturday for 3 bouquets she spread throughout the house.. on the tables and in the bathroom"
and the mirrors.. on the closets and in the bathrooms will be decorated and marked up with my kids art work, homework and spontaneous, creative designs.. because "she loved that so much.. "
and they'll have to talk LONG about my neighbor's.. how the reason i was so happy here was because i felt loved and safe.. because moe and his family lived across the street and moe knew everything and everyone.. kept an eye out for us, and plus held the most awesome block parties.. and everyone felt like a friend and was on a first and/or nick name basis: mike on the bike... abe.. dave... olga.. jimmy... dave... lacey.. shelley.. bob... joan.. jody.. karen and more..
and the neighborhood mascots: sadie and jose
and show how we could sit on the curb and feel like we had vip seats for all the parades because they turn from main street on to w. angela and pass write in front of us
and how we could walk -and never worry about parking- for the alameda county fair. and we could ride all the rides, and come back here for lunch.. and walk back and see the concerts..
and how the canada geese flew directly overhead.. and the healing power of the trees
i've always dreamed..
i've dreamed of some magical/miracle happening which allows me to own this place, keep it as a writing, arts/crafts studio and live in a larger place on 2nd street with more room/space for my kids and their friends -but still within walking distance of downtown
the meadowlark dairy, cold stone, amelia's, the farmer's market, concerts in the park, the library, the firehouse art center, towne center books, the restaurants
i do believe in magic and miracles.
but i also believe in pictures and memories.. so i'm taking lots and making many.
2009 arrives with more uncertainty than i've ever experienced at one time: livlihood -no idea. means for income after spousal supports ends - no idea. where we'll live next if we have to move -no idea.
but i'm certainly not alone..
everything and everyone seems to be somewhere within the process of creative destruction
the economy has taken a major hit: people are losing their jobs, leaving their homes.. businesses/restaurants are closing up and down main street
and i don't mean to be an alarmist.. but there's no ignoring these red flags and no painting them a different color
lean times ahead.
lean times ahead but not forever... and that's how i'll close this brain spill
with a spiritual conversation i had with my grandma. "grandma," i ask,
"what would you say.. what would you do if you were here write now?"
and she said (or i projected) "when times improved.. and they did improve..
i would have got my nails painted. red."
because you see my grandma lived through very tough financial times..
very tough.
and she learned how to save, save, save. conserve, conserve, conserve. stretch every dollar. recycle. reuse. and re-purpose everything before the term re-purpose was invented
but when financial times improved -and they did improve-
she never altered her ultra-conservative ways. -and it absolutely shocked her to no end when my sister and i were visiting her in san diego and we each spent $10 on a manicure
she could not imagine a greater waste of money
but we could not imagine anything better you could get for only $10
because a manicure not only made your hands look really beautiful because of the pretty, shiny color on your nails, but the manicures also included a MASSAGE
a long, wonderful, hand and forearm massage, PLUS moisturizers on your skin, PLUS three layers of polish: base coat, pretty color of your choice, and top coat
and it could last for like, up to, 5 or 6 days
so if you take 10 fingers, times 5 or 6 days, and divide that by $10
WHAT A BARGAIN!!
but my grandma.. even when it was well within her budget to do so, never treated herself to a manicure or pedicure
and what she'd like to share with all of us, is this:
lean times are ahead.
but they won't last forever.
and when times improve.
and they WILL improve.
-go get your nails painted; red. #firehouseartcenter
Last Night of another awesome season...
and the grieving begins..
but! oh, another awesome season
exceptional climates, amazing live bands, hours of outdoor dancing
I always describe it the same way:
~hundreds of slightly intoxicated happy people
/many who have given marriage a try one or three times..
some key people were missing on the last night for one reason or another -my favs, the regular dancing circle I am blessed to be a part of
but,
"... mary re is in the house tonight... 'gonna make you feel all write.."
and!
see my most pleasant surprise up there
Robert..
"I got to slow dance!" and..
fast dance
and dance, and kiss at the same time.
and I said to myself,
to myself, and Jesus, and the saints,
with a smile I said,
I'm gonna need more than one of you -k.
~ to peel my hand off this body
help!
next thing you know, my drink got accidentally knocked out of my hand
spilled all over the dance floor
that freed BOTH of my HANDS
so, I could grab Robert on each side of his face and really plant one
/no help at all those saints.
and,
then let myself get lost in the every kiss of each moment
sing hallelujah!
***
two times!
did you SEE that WARRIORS victory last night
in Jesus is the reason for every season's name.. amen!
UnNoble prayer answered for (me!) Sandra, tvgp
Perhaps when I'm more evolved I will have only noble prayers; but I'm not there yet. Where I am at: is announcing in advance whether the prayer I'm about to pray is noble or un-noble. For (me!), noble = prayer to be a blessing to/for someone else, and un-noble is a prayer request for myself. So,
I go "un-noble prayer coming through... Dear Jesus.. I would like to have a perfect night of dancing this Thursday please."
Now.. In my imagination and the way I pray.. I do not actually need to define -perfect- to Jesus; he already knows. He already searches our hearts and minds.. He knows my prayer request before I even make it.. This IS how I believe.
But I feel compelled to define it for you; my imaginary readers. K, so..
A perfect night of dancing involves several things.. Feeling good in whatever outfit and shoes I'm wearing
Perfect is outdoors on a perfect climate night; Indoors is 2nd to..
Perfect is a great dance band like Pride & Joy; DJ is always 2nd to live..
Perfect is 2 to 3 drinks..over 3 to 5 hours.. Not cold sober/not tipsy drunk; there is such thing as a perfect level.. I don't know what it is by number; only by feeling.
Perfect is with my sister/best friend and other best friends; sadly dancing with men is always 2nd to.. Because with the girls it is so purely/exclusively about dancing, moving to good music.. With dates, boyfriends, the dynamics change..
Perfect is a joyous big crowd free from any alcohol Induced conflicts arising..
I could go on.. But those are the biggies. And I would like to once again say "thank you!" Jesus.. For answering this unnoble prayer and more than once!
Did you see the cute party top my mom gifted me by surprise?! I've never felt so pretty! Our favorite band! At our favorite venue!?! -awesome! Cabana! My sister! Mary re! And more friends..
Of the nights for which I am most grateful: pride & joy at Barones for music under the stars.. Full Moon! Even.. Perfect CLImate..
Gratitude my daughter could drop off/pick up.. Childcare.
Entourage also a great band.. The cheese balls too.. And Mr Motown back on the floor..
More please! A whole season...!... "Love and thank you!". Amen.
***
Well, there was a -set back. On one of the nights, one of my friends spotted a guy who had broken her heart..
Perfect would have been if he wasn't there. -but we got through it
Dancing.
Amen.
BEAUTIFUL FISH & MTF SHOW (mine!) sandra, ttgp
oh! do i owe a hundred thank you's to my sister for all her help, love, support
***
sat 22nd, 5-7p my poetry book release
and mag time frame show at coffee beans & bistro
all the traditional work, effort to prepare, set up, make sure it looked nice...
5pm. no one there. heart ache. panic. sister w/comforting conversation
5:10 mom, dad, aunts & uncles traveling in from a distance, beloved sue
oh! patti & james..
5:15 beautiful mary re -sight for my concerned eyes
5:17 new mommy friend from school...
5:21 not sure i have the whatever it takes to energetically perform for 7 or 8 family/friends when i was hoping to perform for all of them plus 20 or 30 strangers
5:30 debra knox, kathy cordova & friends, two cherished souls from saturday salons in livermore, catherine teeter..
DEEP gratitude for every family member, friend, friends of friends and those couple of strangers
***
felt great to put the word out: "i'm still makin' mag time frames everybody! BUT.. AND.. that's not all!..." and i was so excited to show off my instant art empty canvas frames for children; my personalized name/word/quote boards and new designs for my staple mag time frames plus, as always, my create-your-own kits.
even more exciting for me this time out though was this opportunity to read my poetry -from my personally designed, hand-stamped/embossed beautiful fish book
i opened with this true story:
in our early 20's my sister and i used to go dancing at black angus here in pleasanton. the rules, have thankfully changed since then, but back then, the proper etiquette was to wait for a handsome man to come ask you to dance before going out on the dance floor
torture for two girls who loved to dance but suffer for patience.
without having any serious conversation about it, telepathically, in that sister-to-sister secret code of communication we've established, we agreed it was a stupid rule.. standing around waiting for someone to ask you to dance when all the great music was pumping through the night air
and so we just got out on the dance floor by ourselves and busted a move, as they used to say.
didn't stop there. we ended up having such a good time by ourselves, that eventually, she took to dancing on top of the 4ft speaker on the left, and i took to dancing on the matching 4ft speaker to the right. we made our own stage! danced the night away.
no longer needed anyone to ask us to dance -although it happened with some frequency and we rarely said no.
and i'm so grateful we have and we share this spirit. not waiting around for someone else to kick start our good times. we could have potentially missed out on a lot of good times, a lot of good music, a lot of good life and soulful exercise
but we didn't.
and it is in this spirit i self-published beautiful fish. i have queries out, proposals out for my memoir and some other writing adventures. but in the meantime, i hear good music playing right now
don't want to miss out waiting around..
keep finding speakers to stand and dance on while i wait for a handsome publisher to come ask me to
sign a lucrative contract.
***
thank you so much, every single one of you, who attended my reading & mtf show! thank you for your time, attention, every purchase and kind word!
my books sold out, with three on order
and my passion for creating mag time frames -hot as always
The Heart Seen.. By (mary re!) ..on (riley)...
-poor Riley happened across an ant hill.. Scratched his nose raw.. But, -take a look at that heart seen in his scab.. Obviously healing just fine.. Xoxo
The Heart Seen... By (mary re!)
...thinking of you too! Count down to new Orleans... Xoxo
MAG TIME FRAMES AT THE MUSEUM ON MAIN
i have so many people to thank, i'm not sure where to begin..
but let me begin with bernie, linda & claude. bernie berke, some know, is my former flute teacher and a cherished friend for life.. linda is bernie's wife, another wonderful music teacher and claude is bernie's music partner in crime
and these are exactly the kind of friends you're very lucky to have if you happen to be peddling mag time frames at a leisurely paced art & heritage festival in challenging economic times..
so bernie, for example.. he tells his wife to pick out one of my designs, forces $10 in my hand, and while linda and i make a halloween themed mag time frame together, bernie stands back a little and with a giant enthusiastic voice starts sayin'
"oh! we have so many mag time frames.. we love your product.. you do such a great job!"
and he makes sure every passerby can hear him. -and even though it didn't create any long lines at my table.. i sure felt lucky and couldn't stop smiling listening to him go on like he was
here's his wife w/her mag time halloween frame:
and when i say forced $10 in my hand, i kinda mean it. this is a
terrible weakness of mine.. i can easily accept money from strangers, but from friends or family.. very hard. "no, no! you drove all this way.. it's on me. no! no! you've done so much for me already... it's on me. no! don't you dare pay me.. you just helped me with all that stuff.. no! no! this is how i can thank you for..."
and it does feel really good to have something.. some way.. to express a thank you. since i don't bake or cook.. this is my one special thing i can do. so i hit a compromise here with my dear blogger friend, ren man (AKA: jim ott) and his two beautiful daughters: 2 for 1. and want to say THANK YOU to jim, kelsey, melissa for stopping by too and making some mag time frames
and then i want to double-thank my daughter, because she helped so much with designing the magnets, helping me organize and prepare, and then hung out at our table all day. bless her heart.. it was non-stop when i did this at the livermore farmer's market, and based on that experience i solicited her help "i won't be able to do this without you" i told her -and she stepped write up, but it turned out (and you can never really know in advance), that there were long stretches of doin' nothin
but i must say here, if you're commited to hanging out somewhere for a while, downtown pleasanton, on main street, in front of the museum, with live music being played behind you, the aroma of food fair all around you, sunshine, gorgeous shady trees, and plenty of booths and guests for people watching -this is not the worst way to spend a leiusurely afternoon.
but i could not have even had or set up my booth, without my mom's help.. so thank you mom for helping me load/transport and set up everything! -and made the whole weekend extra special to have my beautiful aunt betty, my uncle ernie, my uncle dave.. (all of who helped me several years ago set up at the HUGE hobby industry tradeshow, where i was never discovered, ripped off & robbed and which can now only be seen as "prelude to a bankruptsy")
-anyway-
i've never stopped believing in my mag time frames, and neither have they.. THANK YOU!!
and then all of the pictures i'd like to post write here, are still with my new photographer friend curtis finger, and i won't have them 'til next month.. but i'll be publishing, mag time frames & creative things (one way or another), and curtis came on a sunday -despite a crazy, hectic, schedule & busy life, to take some group/posed and candid photos for the book.. so thank you to my mom friends who brought their children by for some make n' take mag time frame fun and thank you children for your smiles for the camera -debbie, megan, matthew, lisolette, julian, chloe, keeshie, sarah, matthew, virginia, katie
and for me personally.. extra fun to have virginia & katie a part of this book, because they are both in my hokey, hometown, 30 second comcast commercial from 2003, i think it was.. (in the archives at magtimeframes.com)
and speaking of my hokey, hometown, 30 second comcast commercial
the BIGGEST, BESTEST SURPRISE this weekend was having my dearest, life-saving, entertaining, 5 day a week, blogumnist friend LEONARD STEGMANN, and his wife MELINDA
stop by.. (and p.s., that cutey pie blond is not their daughter, but my camera shy niece sneaking in again)
otherwise known as: SQUIDMANN & SPIKE. -what a treat!- a huge surprise! -and that's how we met in the first place, when leonard was working for comcast and came to film my 30 second commercial.. -and i haven't seen him since 2003, but we have had great fun in the blogosphere since he introduced me to his blog in 2005..
he's now posted over 700 blogs, and i've read and commented on nearly every single one of them.. so playful and fun.. absolutely has lifted me out of the most dark and dreadful times..
as i told his wife, "i get to start everyday with a smile instead of a headache" - i just treasure him so - and it was the first thing i did this very morning.. wake up, turn on the computer, read squidmann's post at
http://www.leonardstegmann.blogspot.com/
and he's had a few events over the past couple years in half moon bay that i've known about, but have not, for one reason or another, attended; and i've had a few events here in the tri valley, that he's known about, but for one reason or another, not attended.. so i just figured that's how things would stay.. that we would never see each other in person, just blog n' comment, blog n' comment..
so just was the greatest, biggest surprise to see them.. made my whole weekend.. and not just to see them.. but to watch my leonard "create his own" mag time frame.. too much fun, honestly..
( i know he's melinda's in real life.. but he's my leonard in the cyber world)
and his wife melinda is a school teacher, so she was so much fun too.. giving him a hard time about his "fine motor skills." these pictures are priceless to me. i had made and mailed a mag time frame some years ago for their turtle ellsworth, and they said the cat was jealous, so here they are making a mag time frame for celine (is it celine?.. sp?)
and do you see the same trend i do?
that i'm not so much sustained by profits, but by inspiration and the love of friends of family.
-and i want to thank God here for that!
and speaking of family.. the extra treat too, of seeing my cousin kristie, who i haven't seen in over 10 years i think, and her two beautiful children i had the great pleasure to meet for the first time (pictures w/curtis).
and speaking of friends, thank you also to debbie and her husband. doesn't this look like a romantic afternoon.. hand in hand, making mag time frames in downtown pleasanton...
and my dear friend jill, and her son..
very cool, mom & me, project, don't ya think...
and my good friend and neighbor cheryl; thank you!
and this sweetie pie here, (daughter of a friend of my sisters ). she just made my day..
made one mag time frame, walked away, and started pulling on her daddy's shirt asking if
she could please make one more..
thank you so much!!
and i didn't get pictures of everyone.. and curtis has many pictures i'm missin' -but thank you to gita too, from amelia's.. she came by, and like bernie, she made sure everyone could hear her when she said, "wow! these are awesome! i love this!" -and she said to me, "you have a facility.. use this place.. (meaning amelia's deli).. do craft parties, whatever you want.."
and mary from centerpointe church.. thank you too! -mary came by and not only made a mag time frame, but asked me about my goals and dreams
" i want to be a famous american writer," i told her (and heard some passersby giggle at my statement)
"what do you write? what have you published?" she asked me
and i told her.. "creative non fiction... three years in a row published in the livermore wine country literary harvest, and recently -solicited- and published in the social cause diet.. creative non-fiction about my volunteer work with the tri valley haven.."
and then she brought her friend elaine, also from centerpointe, over to my table, and she said to me "tell her... tell her about your writing and your dream.."
and i had to say it out loud again.. "i want to become a famous american writer," -and i repeated what i've done so far..
and these words don't just come out of my mouth with ease and confidence. it's awkward and a little embarrassing; but it's true.
and i'm thankful to mary for encouraging me to say my dream
out loud, in public; twice.
and big thanks to dianne jones from the museum for inviting to participate in this art/heritage event, and for taking in my mag time frame designs and souvenir magnets to sell in the museum.
and there were a few people.. a beautiful blond lady who purchased several kits, another dark haired lady who bought kits for her crafty daughter
but had i counted on total strangers at the fair -had i counted on the curiosity/generosity of random visitors at the art & heritage festival
it would have been one long, slow and boring weekend. but as you can see from these pictures
i'm very blessed with the kind of friends and family that make time fly.
BOYS to MEN by (me!) sandra, tvgp
and, yes,
so, I was going over in my mind again.. -relationships.
and I was like,
parents/good.. love has only grown.
children/good.. love has only grown.
siblings/good.. love has only grown.
friendships/good.. love has only grown.
neighbors/coworkers/passersby.. good/good/good..
so, what is it about... romantic relationships? -spouses? on/off.. never, good and love grows.. but rather good, great.. good, bad, worse, horrific, get me out of here.
hmmm, what thing separates, distinguishes romantic relationships from all the other ones? ...there must be something...
OH! of course... it's SEX. all my good, positive and thriving relationships do not involve sex!
SEX is the problem.. well/it's never
a problem..
rather, .. that IS the one thing that distinguishes spousal/romantic relationships from all the other types of relationships in my life that are successful..
and,
obviously, I started to entertain the idea of having a romantic relationship.. 'that
just doesn't involve sex!'
but by the time I arrived to my destination and parked, I said to myself
-that's okay. I'm fine with a few more breaks in my heart.
***
In I think I heard Jesus laughing.. 's name. amen!
***
speaking of...
i'm going easy on myself.. so, my first two pilgrimage visits here in san leandro, were #1 Rasputin music -and, wow! the amount of CD and DVD covers in any given aisle I was able to recognize..
there is a lot of music and images stored in this brain of mine.. but the other thing worth mentioning, to any single people attracted to men.. -forget the church social, or the local bar.. and head to Rasputin.. there were a lot of men in there..
Every time I move I lose...when I look I'm in
And every time I turn around...I'm back in love again
(right back, right back...in love again...seems like, seems like)
That I'm back in love...again
***
then, I had to stroll through, the new starbucks, which is in the same lot as Rasputin.. -said a telepathic 'hello' to Russell..
-this starbucks used to be.. if I am remembering correctly, and that is anybody's guess: but I believe it was called Doggy Diner (?) -and, when I was a teenager, I used to have my dad drive me there so I could order a hot dog and coke from ... Russell... /can't remember last name.. remember blond hair, cute face.. voice. and I remember my dad making several efforts to explain to me.. in his own words: don't chase the boys.. let the boys chase you... but, they were never fast enough, so I would help them out...
***
also... did a little stroll through Southland Mall with my beautiful mom.. THE! place to hangout as a teenager growing up in Hayward.. need to re-connect with sue-sue for detail in my vague memories.. maybe I can get a guest visit from mary (gerace) re here in comments.. or my brother... or sister...
all I would need to do is say... ~roundtable.
and, the tattoo on my face, matches one of the symbols on the Warriors Chinese New Year inspired jerseys.. which, apparently, with the second symbol in Chinese = Warrior. But, with just the one symbol, Japanese translation = courage/bravery.. or, as I like to share: "conquer the world with kindness."
anyway.. as I love the Warriors, and this particular jersey, I thought..
"i'm sorry... did you just say ONE HUNDRED AND TEN DOLLARS...?!?
-so, just took a picture with it instead.
and the music/song/lyrics that surfaced here was.. Macklemore
They be like, Oh, that
Gucci NBA... That's hella tight
I'm like, Yo that's
fifty dollars ONE HUNDRED AND TEN DOLLARS for a T-shirt
Limited edition, let's do some simple addition
Fifty dollars ONE HUNDRED AND TEN DOLLARS for a T-shirt, that's just some ignorant bitch (Shit)
I
call that getting swindled and pimped (Shit)
I call that getting tricked by a business
Yes.. this jersey is a~ hella~dope
but.. look at my hardwork, my paycheck.. this jersey is a~hella~nope.
***
BRAIN SPILL by/for me! sandra, tvgp
i thought the order in which i would miss things would look like this: computer, music, tv. but in fact, it was like this: music, computer, tv.
God, did i miss music! so when my alarm went off in the morning, instead of popping up and shutting it off write away, i'd let a couple songs play..
and now i have a deeper appreciation and understanding of that saying, "it was music to my ears"
and my children (thanks john) suprised me with an ipod for christmas and i think this is the greatest, most wonderful-est technology of all time, after the internet and comcast dvr.
first thing this morning: a dance around the house to
family affair by the one and only - mary j blige. i always called it "the percolator" song..
but it is so -mandatory dance- it should be prescribed listening for physical therapy patients and could knock a good two weeks off scheduled sessions
and before it slips.. and because it clogs, let me here release a few holiday memories from 2008:
the nutcracker at the bankhead theatre in livermore/awesome/wonderful: tickets thank you to tri valley haven; a christmas carol at the pleasanton playhouse/fantastic/enchanting: tickets thank you to kathy cordova; the most delicious chocoloate chip cookies in the universe, plus sensational peanut brittle & cranberry bread: thank you to (ooga booga friends) virginia and katie; the parade down main street; wintery delicious fun "build-your-own sunday"-sunday thank you to the teeters; grandpa pez as santa at macy's; shopping/dining/visiting/great times thank you to sister & mom; superfranks fun thank you to carla & dominic; wonderful christmas eve/day & huge christmas feast thank you to john & family; every christmas card, picture and letter (i keep them ALL -have for many years.. amazing watching the children grow) thank you to friends old and new; and
AND
hoover, wind tunnel, self-propelled vacuum
inscribed brick at the firehouse art center (scheduled to open 2010) -and where my plays will be performed..
membership with the pleasanton art group
writeousmom.com on truck window
breathing room for christmas shopping in general & two bills paid all THANK YOU TO MY GRANDMA HARRISON ~ we miss and love you! ~
different & missing: our first year not hosting the good neighbor's holiday boutique -but putting an album together of the 8 years we enjoyed this event
and while my mom did host thanksgiving, and have her 25th (?) annual cookie exchange party - i do not attend having learned what a toll it takes on my spirit to be in san leandro. -difficult, and yet, the days pass quickly and i know i am much happier/stronger for making this decision
-and better still, and most importantly.. my mom loves me and understands
and speaking of happier/stronger: i've spent the past couple days prettying this place up and taking LOTS of pictures
confirmed rumor has it, the owner might sell which =
i might have to move. on short notice.
"are you going to cry mommy?" my kids asked me.
"not at all," i said. "i'll be wherever God wants me -but i've never been happier in my life than living here.. "
and then i take more pictures because
"because... you know... when i become famous, they'll want to re-create the living environment where i did my best writing..
where i posted over 600 blogs.. where i woke every morning to read and respond to squidmann.."
and i do have many beautiful fantasies of people -tourists- fellow writers mostly, coming to see what my writing studio looks like..
and they LOVE it..
and a laptop sits open, write here.. write where it is write now.. where i write every morning, and a guest book spot is open on my website and everyone who visits leaves a little note, poem or story.. a few words in the guest book; whatever feels write at the time
and they look real close at my collage(s) of inscribed books.. and my library.. and my ultra cool tao book shelf, my library, my word wall (and of course there is a list of all the different words that have been rotated/featured on my word wall)
my mag time frames hanging here and there -all the family/friend pictures all around
my giraffe collection, my picture of Maya Angelou.. my aunt & uncle's gorgeous pottery.. the handmade blankets i snuggle with..
and it is always kept with fresh flowers and candles -fresh flowers from the farmer's market -held year round only two blocks away- which "she spent $9 every saturday for 3 bouquets she spread throughout the house.. on the tables and in the bathroom"
and the mirrors.. on the closets and in the bathrooms will be decorated and marked up with my kids art work, homework and spontaneous, creative designs.. because "she loved that so much.. "
and they'll have to talk LONG about my neighbor's.. how the reason i was so happy here was because i felt loved and safe.. because moe and his family lived across the street and moe knew everything and everyone.. kept an eye out for us, and plus held the most awesome block parties.. and everyone felt like a friend and was on a first and/or nick name basis: mike on the bike... abe.. dave... olga.. jimmy... dave... lacey.. shelley.. bob... joan.. jody.. karen and more..
and the neighborhood mascots: sadie and jose
and show how we could sit on the curb and feel like we had vip seats for all the parades because they turn from main street on to w. angela and pass write in front of us
and how we could walk -and never worry about parking- for the alameda county fair. and we could ride all the rides, and come back here for lunch.. and walk back and see the concerts..
and how the canada geese flew directly overhead.. and the healing power of the trees
i've always dreamed..
i've dreamed of some magical/miracle happening which allows me to own this place, keep it as a writing, arts/crafts studio and live in a larger place on 2nd street with more room/space for my kids and their friends -but still within walking distance of downtown
the meadowlark dairy, cold stone, amelia's, the farmer's market, concerts in the park, the library, the firehouse art center, towne center books, the restaurants
i do believe in magic and miracles.
but i also believe in pictures and memories.. so i'm taking lots and making many.
2009 arrives with more uncertainty than i've ever experienced at one time: livlihood -no idea. means for income after spousal supports ends - no idea. where we'll live next if we have to move -no idea.
but i'm certainly not alone..
everything and everyone seems to be somewhere within the process of creative destruction
the economy has taken a major hit: people are losing their jobs, leaving their homes.. businesses/restaurants are closing up and down main street
and i don't mean to be an alarmist.. but there's no ignoring these red flags and no painting them a different color
lean times ahead.
lean times ahead but not forever... and that's how i'll close this brain spill
with a spiritual conversation i had with my grandma. "grandma," i ask,
"what would you say.. what would you do if you were here write now?"
and she said (or i projected) "when times improved.. and they did improve..
i would have got my nails painted. red."
because you see my grandma lived through very tough financial times..
very tough.
and she learned how to save, save, save. conserve, conserve, conserve. stretch every dollar. recycle. reuse. and re-purpose everything before the term re-purpose was invented
but when financial times improved -and they did improve-
she never altered her ultra-conservative ways. -and it absolutely shocked her to no end when my sister and i were visiting her in san diego and we each spent $10 on a manicure
she could not imagine a greater waste of money
but we could not imagine anything better you could get for only $10
because a manicure not only made your hands look really beautiful because of the pretty, shiny color on your nails, but the manicures also included a MASSAGE
a long, wonderful, hand and forearm massage, PLUS moisturizers on your skin, PLUS three layers of polish: base coat, pretty color of your choice, and top coat
and it could last for like, up to, 5 or 6 days
so if you take 10 fingers, times 5 or 6 days, and divide that by $10
WHAT A BARGAIN!!
but my grandma.. even when it was well within her budget to do so, never treated herself to a manicure or pedicure
and what she'd like to share with all of us, is this:
lean times are ahead.
but they won't last forever.
and when times improve.
and they WILL improve.
-go get your nails painted; red.
