SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com: November 2017

#213 @writeousmom

i am grateful for all things alden lane (me!) sandra, tvgp

God, my family, friends.. private "I am thankful for's..."

***

public "thank you!"

Heroes wall at shadow puppets brewery in livermore

speaking

of recognizing, celebrating, appreciating, valuing

and investing in our heroes..

LOVE what they are doing here at shadow puppets brewery in Livermore

I

light~heartedly, playful, joke:

it is here

in a public place..

where Gerry took me to -break up with me.

of course, not -break up..

but rather.. it is where she told me she'll be leaving alden lane

"did you tell me here in public to try and avoid a scene?"

***

but, so happy

1. to have crossed paths and became friends!

2. that you will no longer have to commute!

3. that you will have weekends off!

that's awesome..

"to klove radio, and our future friendship dates to new places..."

why they're called hot topics as shared by (me!), sandra, tvgp

politics & religion:

politics: I will start with how are longer conversation ended; it ended (something) like this:

(me!): "yes.. well, even though... I will still sleep with you."

Robert: "I know."

/and now I know.. or at least.. I have new and different reasons for why they call it a hot topic.

-because things sure did heat up after that talk...

***

and now.. I talked about reading the audacity of hope.. and how much I respected... and how the Obama he described to me, was not at all the same Obama I came to know and love..

and I told him about... watching that man on tv... many years ago... how ugly! how he took such pride in screwing someone over financially.. but couldn't stop there.. had to also make sure he publically humiliated the person he took so much pleasure in screwing over... and how.. -that is not anyone I want representing me, or my country.. and it turns out that ugly man I witnessed on tv many years ago.. is -trump. and to my current eyes, ears, he has not evolved an ounce...

and robert told me, about how -early in the aftermath of 9/11.. bush administration, our law enforcement and first responders were appreciated, respected.. and then during Obama's administration, there was (remains) a huge shift, and law enforcement, police specifically.. were vilified, disempowered, demonized..

and i'll tell you this.. I cannot argue that point.. it has been a quite tangible shift.. and, I will summarize by saying

it is a repetitive, ongoing, and horrific, counterproductive problem, across many, many, organizations, from law enforcement, to the Olympics, to coaching, to churches, to our military, to -name the industry

-that we continue to project on to the whole, the corruption/abuse/evil of the few...

-that we marginalize, that we all together ignore the great work, devotion, sacrifice, effort of the good character, write motive masses, and spend all our attention, energy on the corrupt and evil

and I do believe the law of attraction is at work.. more visible in media than any other platform.

evil cannot be ignored; obviously..

but, if I may generically, ballpark:

in a given industry: 15% corruption; 85% noble service

mass media tends to give 99% attention to the 15%, and .05 to the noble.

one side note: having just watched, -one of us..

do we not still understand.. domestic abuse is not exclusive to a religion.. to a race... to an age; it is found everywhere -in the secular, in the churches, across the globe..

these are individual character issues -but whatever group the individual belongs to, gets blamed..

we have to extract the corrupt individuals, or corrupt teams, or groups from what are much, much, larger populations

we really need a new vocabulary to work with -which can help solve this growing problem..

***

but yes, -we are currently, on the whole.. demonizing, marginalizing, way under-appreciating, and way under respecting, and way under-valuing our law enforcement; our first and last responders

our heroes & sheroes.

and we need to turn this around as soon as possible -I do not have time to detail the consequences of no noble young people wanting to join the field..

of what happens when you become unable to recruit new law enforcement employees/leaders; or become unable to keep the good ones you have

but the price is VERY HIGH -and so, we need to identify/weed out the corrupt; yes.. of course

but we need to recognize, celebrate, appreciate, value, reward the heroes -invest in them.

/

and speaking of rewarding and heroes..

I must set out to properly thank my Robert for all the good work he has and is doing...

and return to write more on politics, religion, sex, and money later

oh!

yes. they do make me hot; these topics...

***

In Jesus.. you might want to look the other way's name.. amen!

words are things.. by (Dr Maya Angelou!) as heard/understood by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I have the quote verbatim somewhere... but for now..

what she said, if I may paraphrase..

she believed that words were things.. -things.. not invisible, evaporating into the air and oblivion as and/or after they are spoken,

but words as things, that seep into your hair, and the furniture, and your clothes, and the walls...

***

I believe it too. words are things. they each hold power... strong, neutral, weak... a spectrum; but each and every word holds, carries, transmits, spiritual power

every spoken word; every written word; every word thought...

and when you believe this, understand words this way.. as I do; then you start to do personal inventories..

what words am I using? reading? speaking? hearing? -on an hour to hour, daily.. weekly.. ongoing basis

and,

I am very selective exactly because I realize that what Dr Maya Angelou said and taught, all those years ago..

is true.

ephesians 4:29

hallelujah & amen

victim blaming -a final re-visit to the topic.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

I will address this one last time, and move on; forward..

***

your car is parked at the local mall. there are no valuables inside. the windows and doors are locked.

***

your car is parked at the local mall. you have visible valuables inside, the windows are down and the doors are unlocked.

***

now, no matter which way you slice it -breaking into a car, and stealing is wrong; period. it is against the law.. and the sloppiness of leaving visible valuables..    and sloppiness of leaving windows down, doors unlocked

this still does not justify the crime. there is no justifying the crime.

but,

when I park my car    -I remove any visible valuables, and I make sure my windows are rolled up, and my doors are locked.

***

In Jesus.. is a God of justice' name...    amen

The News is Crap & I Still Love My Charlie Rose.. (me!) sandra, tvgp

now,

isn't it just the ugliest feeling..

like, if you were a long time bill cosby fan, or Michael Jackson fan..

-long list here-

and you admired, enjoyed..

respected

and then, you get hit with mass media reports of

sexual harassment,

or sexual assault,

rape. -how the heart and mind have to wrestle.. argue...    debate...    defend...    question..

wonder...

so, let's do that together:

   -because I do not like anyone messing with my Charlie rose!    I will not have it!

it just can't be..    "it. cannot. be!"

***

so, my first instinct, as a long time fan.. is to defend. and my first line of defense is to share TWO VERY REAL LIFE sexual harassment occurrences in my very own life:

even when I think about it.. I'm like..    you have got to be frickin' kidding! please tell me you are kidding...

the first one:

my daughter was in elementary school. 3rd grade, give or take.. I don't remember exactly. but we are talking about a very dedicated, conscientious student, who loved school, and her teachers and her friends and life in general.. a happy, healthy CHILD

an elementary school age child. like, I can't emphasize that enough...

because, I sat stunned on the phone, when the principal of the school called me to say that my daughter and (2?) of her friends, -they had mentioned something about liking a boy..

yes, you are reading it correctly... about liking a boy..

not chasing, touching, hounding..

but it made the boy uncomfortable, and so..    it was therefore considered a form of sexual harassment, and I needed to talk with my daughter to prevent greater consequences.

here is how I handled being on the receiving end of that conversation:

internally only: shock. and then, you have GOT TO BE KIDDING ME?!? can we really be having this conversation? the boy/girl (or girl/girl.. whatever) -the crushes of elementary school children are a given..    girls liking boys..    boys liking girls.. whispers.. do you think he's cute.. I think he is so cute! go ask if so n so likes so n so back... the mark the box letters

do you like me    (    ) yes    or (    ) no.

and my 3rd grade daughters name in the same sentence with the words sexual harassment was almost too much to bear, it was so over the top ridiculous

really, almost any 3rd grade child's name in the same sentence as sexual harassment is very difficult to take serious.

but I knew immediately not to let my energy get sucked or drained in the longer debate. not to be provoked by the ridiculousness... my goal became to keep the conversation as short as humanly possible; my goal was not to make matters even worse, or flame fires so that it would remain the talk of the town and campus for the next several weeks or months.. it was stupid. I knew it. and my goal became to directly address and minimize and move on...

I do not remember verbatim, but..

what I verbalized essentially, was.. "thank you for letting me know about your concern.. and yes, I will talk with my daughter..."

and when I did talk with my daughter.. I essentially compared my elementary school youth, and how common something like that was..

vs. her generations elementary school youth..    and, the boy was made uncomfortable, so.. be sensitive to those feelings

-and I never received a phone call like that again...    for either of my children. and I don't remember any long, blown out drama resulting from the phone calls, -although the potential was certainly there initially

***
like daughter, like mother

mom's turn: I have myself been written up for "sexual harassment." yes (me!)..

in the workplace. i'm laughing write now just to remember..

it went down something like this: I worked in a winery. I poured wine and talked with hundreds of people about hundreds of things ... and it was a tourist destination..    and I worked along side both very beautiful women, and very attractive men..

and the colloquial term at the time, for an attractive man was "hottie" /is it still? I don't know..

but anyway..    on more than one occasion, a small group of beautiful young women friends would come together inside in the winery, and ask me, "will you take a picture of us with that hottie over there.."

they wanted pictures with the hottie that had served them their wine tastings.. this is so common!

and so I said, or would say.. "hey hottie.. they want a picture with you..."

and THAT! got me written up for sexual harassment.

what a frickin' joke!

***

and so, based on those two very real life, very personally experienced "sexual harassment" -cases

I can not even take the term serious when I hear it.

-period.

***

now,

I don't watch the news.. the bullshit, hype, repetitiveness, skews, motives, hideous commercials..    it's just plain toxic. so, I only know about my Charlie rose being fired because my mom mentioned it to me..

and,

I did a small amount of online reading.. and I read, already with a heart to defend..

innocent! until absolutely very proven, unquestionably guilty

***

   -and, I don't need to read every clip, every news report to get the gist..

after I read things like..    "put his hand on my thigh" and "finished his shower and walked past me naked " /while I was working in his private home..

etc.

and read my Charlie rose described as a sexual "PREDATOR"

I virtually vomited.

really people?!    sexual predator. we have a very real lack of vocabulary problem here.

let's review my history, as it is entirely germane:

when I was 6 years old.. -a masked man, broke into our home, and stole me from my room, in the dark of night...    THAT IS A SEXUAL PREDATOR.

when I was 16.. a man, already in the wanted profile book within the police department -accused but not prosecuted for rape.. he lied about everything from his name, to occupation, to place of origin.. he premediated, calculated, manipulated, -isolated and attacked.    THAT IS A SEXUAL PREDATOR.

when I was 17...    a man ambushed me in a parking lot, and put a gun to my head.. kidnapped and raped.. THAT IS A SEXUAL PREDATOR.

***

we should not use the word predator

IN MY HUMBLE, over-experienced opinion, when we are talking about what..

well, I still want to believe the best; I just do!

but,

let me allow in the worst..

he -a powerful/influential heterosexual male.. in a place of authority,

abused his position,    -and made inappropriate sexual passes at; -took advantage of young, ambitious, subordinates

for me personally...    the behavior is stupid. it is wrong. but he is not a "predator"

   -give me a break.

and,

if any policies/procedures were to be changed/improved, based on this happening..

I would be very comfortable saying..

-realistically

if you put an older person of power/influence..

and a young ambitious person

in the privacy of a residence; a home.. where there is a shower.. a bedroom... hallways.. alcohol.. and no other co-workers, people..    vs. an office, in public with co-workers..

well, one environment is more conducive to personal accountability, responsibility..

and one is more vulnerable to sexual misconduct.

; period.

***

now, I would say... I would discourage my own daughter, or any young person from going alone to a power-players house to -work.    like, that seems kinda sketch to me from the get go..

but, -also, young people these days have amazing phones in the palms of their hands.. what a great tool for recording/capturing any inappropriate sexual conduct; conversations, etc.

   -be wise.

***

confessions & caveats: in my 5 decades, of course I have myself encountered 1 or 10 power players..    the kind with powerful positions, wealth, charm..    that can seduce a young woman with fancy homes and cars and opportunities

and out of those 10 or dozen..

there were 2 -in which, I hoped I could be their personal secretary.. I aspired to be alone with them in their home. that was my dream! and I hoped I could see them naked in the shower..

"how can I help you? ... I type... I file...    is there anything I can do for you?"

-fleeting affairs.

***

In Jesus.. is the light, the truth.. the way...    -amen.

getting to know robert... even better (me!) sandra, tvgp

Territorial /Jealous: is it too soon? to think and feel so territorial. so, - only in my prayers, I said to Jesus, I said,

"can he please be mine, all mine, and only mine. amen. - and -honey, I would have NEVER said it out loud, but, he did.. he volunteered it. -said he would not be (not) sleeping with anyone else.

and, I said, i'm going to check back with you, in the sober morning, the light of day, and see if you still mean that.. because we all say things after a beautiful day, a wonderful meal, and great sex.. you know,

and when I checked back with him in the sober morning and the light of day..

he confirmed. so, "thank you!" Jesus.

JEALOUS: of every creature, every animal.. that can mate in the beautiful outdoors without being interrupted or arrested. so, again, not out loud.. but I prayed to Jesus.. I just glanced certain places on our walk, and I said, ..."if I could.. if we could... I would take advantage of him write there.. and there, and probably over there.. /but not on the cobblestone.. ouch.

I will return to write about politics & religion -but must get ready for work..

and I don't have time to organize these pictures.. or un-do strange, glitch

-es to spelling, underlines I didn't intend, text color... not easy to upload pictures/arrange text to my aesthetic taste..

oh well, gorgeous just the same..

oh! what heavenly landscapes.. hallelujah & amen.

The coolest things that (charly!) said -as heard by (me!) sandra, tvgp

sometimes someone will say something during a conversation, or in passing

and it hits me the same way a beautiful sentence, or paragraph does when i'm reading

-in a way that makes me hunt and grab a highlighter, -make sure I re-read it write then

and can find it easily again later

***

someone this time was charly

and these favorite things she said.. they took place in two different conversations, and several months ago, at this point

but I remember

I will remember these for a long time:

1. about her boyfriend, she said, "I get to feel more like myself when i'm with him, than I do when i'm all by myself..."

there is so much tucked in there... and it cerebral hyperlinks to the newspaper clipping in my scrapbook, the e.e. cummings quote -which I must have read/clipped/saved from the late 1970's or early 80's

I don't have time to go on and on... but, I do wonder, how far back and by how many poets, writers, scholars has this struggle been identified and articulated using different words?

to know when you are being yourself.. when you can be yourself..

the understanding of who that is exactly, and the liberty to be it..

is this a permanent challenge for humanity? for each individual? or relative to cultures.. families.. societies.. the times...

but we sure do have a common denominator when it comes to how rewarding, wonderful, comfortable, peaceful, joyful it is "I get to be myself" "and I can just be myself around this person..."

and, as it has been already identified..
and the rewards are as great as they are..

shouldn't we each work on it; toward it from an earlier age...

life! the free indeed kind of liberty and, the pursuit of

relationships, places, circumstances, environments that let us just be ourselves...

***

and then, 2. on a different day.. when we worked side by side helping sue with one of her, ultra awesome, over the top, children's birthday parties at the nursery

when we were walking enroute.. passing one row of gorgeous plants after another,

charly, who is one of our horticulturists,

she said, "if the little girl me could have known that she was going to get to do this for a living..

she would have been very happy."

***

you can't use a highlighter on verbal conversations...

but you can use your blog!

***

In Jesus, my Bible is full of many pink, yellow, and double underlined scriptures, name

amen.

with love & healing prayers for iran -from (me!) sandra, tvgp #LHPart @writeousmom

Robert's Cooking. photos by (me!) ~top shelf

daytrip: Coyote Lake in Morgan Hill "thank you!" (robert!) -from (me!) sandra, tvgp

...has to be three of my best sundays of the year: capitola, vasona, and then:

coyote lake in morgan hill

excerpt from a handwritten love letter /snail-mailed

~there is just something about being out in nature that awakens in my spirit the truth

of how blessed and natural

sex & romance are. yes.. comes quite naturally to me when I'm with you.

SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

#213 @writeousmom

Thursday, November 23, 2017

i am grateful for all things alden lane (me!) sandra, tvgp

Heroes wall at shadow puppets brewery in livermore

why they're called hot topics as shared by (me!), sandra, tvgp

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

words are things.. by (Dr Maya Angelou!) as heard/understood by (me!) sandra, tvgp

victim blaming -a final re-visit to the topic.. by (me!) sandra, tvgp

The News is Crap & I Still Love My Charlie Rose.. (me!) sandra, tvgp

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

getting to know robert... even better (me!) sandra, tvgp

Saturday, November 18, 2017

Friday, November 17, 2017

The coolest things that (charly!) said -as heard by (me!) sandra, tvgp

Thursday, November 16, 2017

with love & healing prayers for iran -from (me!) sandra, tvgp #LHPart @writeousmom

Robert's Cooking. photos by (me!) ~top shelf

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

daytrip: Coyote Lake in Morgan Hill "thank you!" (robert!) -from (me!) sandra, tvgp

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