The News is Crap & I Still Love My Charlie Rose.. (me!) sandra, tvgp
now,isn't it just the ugliest feeling..
like, if you were a long time bill cosby fan, or Michael Jackson fan..
-long list here-
and you admired, enjoyed..
respected
and then, you get hit with mass media reports of
sexual harassment,
or sexual assault,
rape. -how the heart and mind have to wrestle.. argue... debate... defend... question..
wonder...
so, let's do that together:
-because I do not like anyone messing with my Charlie rose! I will not have it!
it just can't be.. "it. cannot. be!"
***
so, my first instinct, as a long time fan.. is to defend. and my first line of defense is to share TWO VERY REAL LIFE sexual harassment occurrences in my very own life:
even when I think about it.. I'm like.. you have got to be frickin' kidding! please tell me you are kidding...
the first one:
my daughter was in elementary school. 3rd grade, give or take.. I don't remember exactly. but we are talking about a very dedicated, conscientious student, who loved school, and her teachers and her friends and life in general.. a happy, healthy CHILD
an elementary school age child. like, I can't emphasize that enough...
because, I sat stunned on the phone, when the principal of the school called me to say that my daughter and (2?) of her friends, -they had mentioned something about liking a boy..
yes, you are reading it correctly... about liking a boy..
not chasing, touching, hounding..
but it made the boy uncomfortable, and so.. it was therefore considered a form of sexual harassment, and I needed to talk with my daughter to prevent greater consequences.
here is how I handled being on the receiving end of that conversation:
internally only: shock. and then, you have GOT TO BE KIDDING ME?!? can we really be having this conversation? the boy/girl (or girl/girl.. whatever) -the crushes of elementary school children are a given.. girls liking boys.. boys liking girls.. whispers.. do you think he's cute.. I think he is so cute! go ask if so n so likes so n so back... the mark the box letters
do you like me ( ) yes or ( ) no.
and my 3rd grade daughters name in the same sentence with the words sexual harassment was almost too much to bear, it was so over the top ridiculous
really, almost any 3rd grade child's name in the same sentence as sexual harassment is very difficult to take serious.
but I knew immediately not to let my energy get sucked or drained in the longer debate. not to be provoked by the ridiculousness... my goal became to keep the conversation as short as humanly possible; my goal was not to make matters even worse, or flame fires so that it would remain the talk of the town and campus for the next several weeks or months.. it was stupid. I knew it. and my goal became to directly address and minimize and move on...
I do not remember verbatim, but..
what I verbalized essentially, was.. "thank you for letting me know about your concern.. and yes, I will talk with my daughter..."
and when I did talk with my daughter.. I essentially compared my elementary school youth, and how common something like that was..
vs. her generations elementary school youth.. and, the boy was made uncomfortable, so.. be sensitive to those feelings
-and I never received a phone call like that again... for either of my children. and I don't remember any long, blown out drama resulting from the phone calls, -although the potential was certainly there initially
***
like daughter, like mother
mom's turn: I have myself been written up for "sexual harassment." yes (me!)..
in the workplace. i'm laughing write now just to remember..
it went down something like this: I worked in a winery. I poured wine and talked with hundreds of people about hundreds of things ... and it was a tourist destination.. and I worked along side both very beautiful women, and very attractive men..
and the colloquial term at the time, for an attractive man was "hottie" /is it still? I don't know..
but anyway.. on more than one occasion, a small group of beautiful young women friends would come together inside in the winery, and ask me, "will you take a picture of us with that hottie over there.."
they wanted pictures with the hottie that had served them their wine tastings.. this is so common!
and so I said, or would say.. "hey hottie.. they want a picture with you..."
and THAT! got me written up for sexual harassment.
what a frickin' joke!
***
and so, based on those two very real life, very personally experienced "sexual harassment" -cases
I can not even take the term serious when I hear it.
-period.
***
now,
I don't watch the news.. the bullshit, hype, repetitiveness, skews, motives, hideous commercials.. it's just plain toxic. so, I only know about my Charlie rose being fired because my mom mentioned it to me..
and,
I did a small amount of online reading.. and I read, already with a heart to defend..
innocent! until absolutely very proven, unquestionably guilty
***
-and, I don't need to read every clip, every news report to get the gist..
after I read things like.. "put his hand on my thigh" and "finished his shower and walked past me naked " /while I was working in his private home..
etc.
and read my Charlie rose described as a sexual "PREDATOR"
I virtually vomited.
really people?! sexual predator. we have a very real lack of vocabulary problem here.
let's review my history, as it is entirely germane:
when I was 6 years old.. -a masked man, broke into our home, and stole me from my room, in the dark of night... THAT IS A SEXUAL PREDATOR.
when I was 16.. a man, already in the wanted profile book within the police department -accused but not prosecuted for rape.. he lied about everything from his name, to occupation, to place of origin.. he premediated, calculated, manipulated, -isolated and attacked. THAT IS A SEXUAL PREDATOR.
when I was 17... a man ambushed me in a parking lot, and put a gun to my head.. kidnapped and raped.. THAT IS A SEXUAL PREDATOR.
***
we should not use the word predator
IN MY HUMBLE, over-experienced opinion, when we are talking about what..
well, I still want to believe the best; I just do!
but,
let me allow in the worst..
he -a powerful/influential heterosexual male.. in a place of authority,
abused his position, -and made inappropriate sexual passes at; -took advantage of young, ambitious, subordinates
for me personally... the behavior is stupid. it is wrong. but he is not a "predator"
-give me a break.
and,
if any policies/procedures were to be changed/improved, based on this happening..
I would be very comfortable saying..
-realistically
if you put an older person of power/influence..
and a young ambitious person
in the privacy of a residence; a home.. where there is a shower.. a bedroom... hallways.. alcohol.. and no other co-workers, people.. vs. an office, in public with co-workers..
well, one environment is more conducive to personal accountability, responsibility..
and one is more vulnerable to sexual misconduct.
; period.
***
now, I would say... I would discourage my own daughter, or any young person from going alone to a power-players house to -work. like, that seems kinda sketch to me from the get go..
but, -also, young people these days have amazing phones in the palms of their hands.. what a great tool for recording/capturing any inappropriate sexual conduct; conversations, etc.
-be wise.
***
confessions & caveats: in my 5 decades, of course I have myself encountered 1 or 10 power players.. the kind with powerful positions, wealth, charm.. that can seduce a young woman with fancy homes and cars and opportunities
and out of those 10 or dozen..
there were 2 -in which, I hoped I could be their personal secretary.. I aspired to be alone with them in their home. that was my dream! and I hoped I could see them naked in the shower..
"how can I help you? ... I type... I file... is there anything I can do for you?"
-fleeting affairs.
***
In Jesus.. is the light, the truth.. the way... -amen.
posted by SHE @ 7:34 AM
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