SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

WRONG WORD?! wonders (me!) sandra, tvgp

ive already told you how I can read, pick up on microexpressions..    and they serve as a great guide..  more of this; less of that..   get closer; back off..    on and on..

and, when I mentioned recently, to a customer, "i don't know why.. but I've had an orange flower fetish recently..."   and went on to talk about my two photo series, dressed in orange..

well,

there was a very distinct, nanno second expression that made me think,  wrong word?  what have I said?

and so, I just now went and researched the definition of fetish:

and my concerns were alleviated when I read:

1.

posted by SHE @ 7:57 AM 0 comments

a dream & experience from an unknown realm by (me!) sandra, tvgp

if I start by saying, "I had this dream...

most everyone knows exactly what that means; a shared experience by a certain age, by the entire human population; yes..

these movies, these stories, visual and audible unfoldings that take place during our sleep; before we become awake again to daily reality

so, everyone will understand when I say..   I had the most awesome dream last night!   -I mean, I really did

and will skip to the very end, where..  I was in the back seat of a fancy car, traveling at a decent speed, in   -orange

orange county, apparently, and I was lying across the back seat, not sitting upwrite, but I could see through the window of the car, signs, which indicated I was in orange, and, I could hear a voice narrating the experience

I was lying across the back seat, hearing this voice, and realizing that the voice was not from anyone in the front seat..   where then? was the voice coming from?   so, I started to sit up, and look for someone in the front driver seat

   -no one,

and very excited I realized,  "I'm in a self-driving car!"    and this is awesome!  and, I also realized, that the self-driving car drove better than I could if I was doing the driving myself

and went to sit up even more upwrite..   to get a better view, and

at that exact time, I  -really-  sat upwrite in my bed, and woke from the awesome dream I was having.

I'm pretty confident that is the coolest dream I have ever had   -ever.      and I wanted to return to it, but was unable..       got ready and went to work.

***

now, experienced with the same clarity   -I had, what cannot be called 'a dream'    because it did not take place during my sleeping hours

and yet, it does not fall in the same category, as a 'day dream'   -of which I have had a gazillion, so..

but it was not quite my imagination...    but it was not   -real

but it was not    -not real.      this really happened; I just don't have the vocabulary to explain what realm

there is pre-requisite information to know:

1.   PTSD

2.  how I have written, that based on my experience, PTSD     -traumatic memories cannot be erased but they CAN BE DILUTED

so,

this information is already known/understood when  (?realm) experience takes place.    it is auditory, but!  not from an external source, like a tv or radio, I heard what I heard, with the same mechanism inside us that allows us to  -hear- what people are saying when we dream

no visual accompaniment; just dream~auditory communication, which essentially went something like this

we are going to dilute at full force;  we are going to flood out those memories

but we can't do it without your permission

are you ready?

and, with a great deal of emotion     -relief emotion and tears, I said,

yes

and sat down and cried for a good stretch.

***

in the aftermath of this experience, I spent a good deal of time thinking about Joyce Meyer's teachings

-specifically:    beauty for ashes; that famous Bible passage..

and Joyce explains..     you must be ready and willing to TRADE out your ashes for BEAUTY

you can't keep the ashes AND have beauty; your ashes have to go..   YOU HAVE TO LET GO of one to claim the other

***

we are each interpreters of our own lives; projecting meaning on the blessings and burdens; projecting, guessing, imagining    -some combination of all three to make sense of

and one of the -interpretations-  I projected about where I am write now, was that..  

God had me in san leandro to   -reclaim/repair my relationship with the city itself; not let the past evil experience claim the entire territory & population

I believed that God had me at my mom & ricks    -a very loving, supportive environment, for 1.  deepen these relationships   2.   the soft place I needed to land while working on my memoir

and quite specifically   -going from my mom's (loving environment) to alden lane (beautiful, healing environment)    -back and forth, 5 days a week

this would provide the necessary safety nets for completing my memoir.

I was convinced this was the case; my interpretation..       here and there for the primary purpose of getting the very hard work done.

***

I have recently changed my mind; changed my interpretation entirely       -although, verbally receiving support from all family members..    verbal support, and actual genuine support are not two in the same;   -I was reading in gesture, and pauses, that perhaps..   well, it might not be a good time.  and, for (me!),   the memoir is not more important than my family.

to be sure, they would love and celebrate the accomplishment; I have no doubt.    -but let me say this also:   -if it never gets finished or published;  no one will be disappointed either.

***

and so,

I'm letting it go...     ~letting it go...

entirely letting it go...

I have zero ambition to return to it, and..    

Lord knows it is all  -already written,  -really..    just not in a reader~friendly, agent/publisher/distributor marketable/profitable format.

***

and I feel 1000x lighter, smarter, better,

  -relieved.


and open to whatever direction the good Lord wants to point me in next...

hallelujah & amen

posted by SHE @ 10:02 PM 0 comments

BINGE & TONIC TROPHY -fresh mixed media art by (me!) sandra mickanen * inspired by deidre gourlay

posted by SANDRA MICKANEN @ 9:44 AM 0 comments

Clip Up, Clip Down.. learns (me!) sandra, tvgp

its one of my favorite nights to work at ricks picks; the October brew crawl.. like, my very own personal parade of slightly intoxicated people in such a variety of costumes..

and i had the great pleasure of pouring beer with Adam, of cool beer works. -from cool, California..  a city. (Or country rather..) I did not even know existed until last night..   and.. if you are curious too, 'it is 6 miles northeast of auburn'

which I can quote and recite and repeat, but there is no map in my mental files for where auburn is, so..  

anyway.. we poured cool beer's very popular 'blond diva' and their 'paranormal pale ale..    /both get a thumbs up from (me!)..

and the blond references come to no end..  "I'll take a tall blond". " I want a blond".  "Give me a blond".   Etc, etc.  and, you could see every now then.. the husband with the dark haired wife, -asking for a blond..  

this slight irritation..   and some of the brunettes felt, let's say, under  appreciated and under represented..    but when I saw first hand, just how popular..   I see now why Starbucks..  and any variety of retail centers use this marketing technique..   It gets results!

and I wanted in the worst way to have a come back line, for all these references.. something that would elevate the non-blonds..make people laugh,  but I never did.. 

" I prefer blonds'

and I said, 'we have a gentleman here...'.  -because these things get locked in the brain like nursery rhymes..  

anyway.. trust me here.. I was thinking, -if the brunettes and red heads felt under appreciated..  Please imagine us silvers.../gray, white, salt n pepper.. 

if you had two kegs and offered. 'Blond diva or gray haired lady...

but may I make that recommendation to cool beer works and Starbucks..

now, I am aware gray haired lady might not be your highest profit center..  but even the bible recognizes euphemisms..

'Crown of splendor!'.   /then we stand a higher chance..

and before I switch to clips up.. let me say, great pleasure meeting and pouring with you Adam..  a former police officer (thank you for your noble service!)..  and, in love with his girlfriend from 17 years ago...

is he going to propose?  

***

my favorite costumes.. I mean I love it all.. ! .. but the men who dressed like the hosiers basketball players with short-shorts.. Too funny!  and then the male tooth fairy in all white tank top dress, with a tiara and tennis shoes and one big tooth on the outfit.. 

sexy with a sense of humor...  you win!

***

my most delightful conversation however, was not with one of the slightly intoxicated adults in costume..

my most delightful conversation was with a radiant young girl from alisal elementary school..  and during our highly engaging conversation, she mentioned something about 'clip up..'

"What is this.. clip up? I've never heard of this before.."

and she explained, as only a 3rd grader (2nd?) with  high school communication skills can, that

"Clip up and clip down..  is where.. if you do something you are not supposed to..  clip down..   and if you are good for the day.. Clip up."

"What are they clipping..  your hair? Your skin.. 

and she went on to explain a color coded clip system which is quite similar to our national security terror threat warning system:

apparently.. Blue is at the top.. highest up your clip can go.. Stellar citizen!   and then there was yellow and orange.. don't do that again type warnings..   and..

RED! the lowest your clip can go.. the bitter end.. And! If you get clipped down to red for your unstellar behavior in the classroom,

You cannot get clipped back up!  Once in red; you stay in red..

if you get clipped from blue to yellow or orange.. You can behave your way back to blue...  But RED!  

and so I said, " here is the most important question I have for you about this fascinating color coded clip system

K.. let's say you... Well not YOU, because you stay blue..  Stay blue for me OK..  but let's say someone gets clipped to RED

How long does that last? For a week, for the year, for a day?"

and that's when I learned it only lasts for the day.  The next day.. everyone starts again from blue.   And the Christian in me loves that system.. Every single day his mercy is new..

Fresh start; try again!    -the way Joyce Meyer teaches it, you never fail a test...but you do get to take it over and over and over again, until you pass.

/I'm being tested with keith write now..   as in

write now! I am resisting the urge to see if I can remember where he lives without an address or directions..

***

I can see my keys from here..

***

but! honey... if you think I'm gonna make this easy and convenient for you..

you are as delusional as I am...

in Jesus great name...  Hallelujah~amen!

posted by SHE @ 5:54 PM 0 comments

cosmos square. a poem by (me!) sandra, tvgp

 was just a square of dirt
sometimes a square of weeds

and woulda stayed a dirt, weed square;  ~til' I read 'bout these:

poor soil  - preferred condition
sprinkle seeds on top

wild orange in all directions
tall blooms that just wont stop!

very little water needed
in this square that we de~weeded

which is now a happy thriving
bright orange and all alive~ing

square of smiles, that last a while..

and prove the sun's still shining.

posted by SHE @ 8:51 AM 0 comments

Don't have a green thumb? "YOU DON'T NEED ONE!" sings (me!) ~topps

look at my cosmos' go!  an explosion of orange bursts..  and bright yellow...  and mixed... and deep orange outlined...    oh!  i love these flowers

and i so delighted, in disbelief , the first time i read the back of the seed package.. wish i had a pix.  essentially it said, 

-you don't have to plant, you can just scatter the seeds on top of the dirt..

-they don't require good soil, they'll grow in average or even poor soil..

-they don't require a lot of water; drought-friendly..

and it all sounded to good to be true..  i had to give it a go..   and! WOW!  these flowers..  all they need you to do is scatter some seed on top of soil in the summer, and then back off and let 'nature do the rest' as the saying goes.

~miracles on a stem.  God's generosity.    and you know how you say "Thank You!"   -you enjoy them! and say "Thank You!"    hallelujah & amen. 

posted by SANDRA MICKANEN @ 1:20 PM 0 comments

"Bullet Train Platform for Cars & Trucks!" by (me!) ~tops

so, the colloquial conversation in coffee shops, by people who read headlines here and there, but do no research, and have no actual idea of cost, resources needed, time, energy, physics, etc.

people like myself, 

just picking up a few lines from a conversation here, and a conversation there..

if you dropped the topic of "the bullet train" from northern to southern california in any given conversation; it might go something like this

"that is the stupidest idea!  a total waste of money..  a bullet train.. give me a break..  if it's not going get people there much faster than their own car..  and you still have to rent a car at the other end..  and if you can take an airplane for less money and less time...   how stupid!  we'll spend all this tax payer money and no one will use it..  an utter waste!"

-and, i've a heard a version of that sentiment from different people at different times

also, many times people bring up the private contract to create it, vs. government employees...

i myself, thought it wasnt a bad idea at all, and my thinking was the result of considering only how many people the project itself could potentially employ who could really use the job and income..  "lots of jobs!" 

but on our recent drive down south  -to orange county from san jose, 

in the middle of having to dodge this selfish idiot driver over there, and this "pick your lane already!" driver over there..

it popped in my imagination with great clarity   "a bullet train for cars and trucks!"

i said with a smile to my sexy, i said, "in my imagination, instead of a bullet train for people.. we should have a bullet train for vehicles!  and at a station here, you drive your car up on a platform, stay in it, and it bullets you in super speed to the other side, and then you just drive off..."

he liked the idea

  -and it seems to me to fall in line with what humans have always, and will always find ways to do:

get from here to there FASTER

   -from point A to point B, whether that is from sick to healed, or from ground to space, or from hired to promoted, or from bitter to merciful, or from angry to peaceful, from raw to cooked,  on and on, etc., etc.

but the real value of having a platform where you can drive your car up on it, stay in it, and zip to southern california in say, 3 hours, vs. 5 or 6, or 7

   -the real value..  i re-realized when we sat parked on the grapevine for 45+ minutes due to another car accident ahead..

not just speed, but SAFETY!   i mean, if you have a group of cars stationery, not trying to dodge each other..    big safety factor

but add to speed and safety  -CONVENIENCE!   oh my,  -when you arrive in orange county, you just put your car in drive, and pull of in the destination city..   you don't have to rent a car..  move any luggage from here to there..   just go!

how awesome would that be..

so, i am convinced, we can employ lots and lots of people, creating a bullet platform for cars and trucks, which people would actually use! which could shave several hours off the current drive time from northern to southern california, which would increase safety, decrease accidents, and be way convenient!  potentially even fun...

and this is perhaps where some of our greatest ideas take place..    in the coffee houses of our imaginations where hot ideas flow free

who shall i cc?  elon musk?

in Jesus name, amen!

posted by SANDRA MICKANEN @ 11:21 AM 0 comments

photos for alden lane nursery by (me!) sandra, tvgp

who can spot the 'swiss cheese' plant?

***

and my heart leaps with joy anytime someone asks me to take a picture.   but, here's the thing:  I have only at the time of this most recent photo shoot, my phone camera.  and it does not include any fancy features, like the one that focuses on a item, and blurs the background..   /maybe my next phone..  the best camera

but, because I do not have special lighting, special features to work with

well, actually, I don't mind..  I regard it immediately as a creative challenge.   and I will hold a plant and walk it around here and there, and there and 'hey! how 'bout write here!'

where the natural light is already complimentary, and I will fuss with background and environment, sometimes clearing things away, or adding and staging..

until, 'click'    -and then will look to see what the camera lens sees..

and then make more adjustments..  crop...   fix/fuss..   'click'

until..       some internal criteria of the mysterious aesthetic value kind, is met.     inside, my heart/mind will agree:    that's it!

and I was especially delighted with how..   'look how that shows off your curves!'    /see the curvy leaf plant

well, I tried capturing those curves in a number of settings..  then spotted an orange tub   -then played with how far the plant sat inside, and from what distance I should hold the camera..

and had my goldilocks experience:   too close; too far; just write...

and then fell in love with how the orange complemented the green..    and used it again to capture the lacey feature of the swiss cheese leaves...    yes.

and, the only way I can refocus on other work there is to do..  cashiering, receiving, cleaning, watering, pricing..   merchandising... whatever



well, I have to go literally put my phone camera    -away.

far away.

and the only way I will stop taking pictures once ive gotten started...

by request. or suggestion.   or non-verbal 'that's enough/back to work child' cues

because if no one restricted me..    i'd be taking more pictures write now.

and speaking of work    -time to get ready

iJnA   ~amen

posted by SHE @ 8:22 AM 0 comments

GOD IS GREAT, LIFE IS GOOD PART TWO by (me!) sandra, tvgp

original post date (?)  -2009.

a gorgeous day!

walk to the farmer's market for my fresh flowers, + hug and quick visit

orange juice, banana nut bread on the patio at rising loafer.. where i met the owner mary, for the first time.. i've seen her/talked with her.. have been going to the rising loafer every now and then for several years in fact.. but only yesterday learned mary is the owner

and she is quick to give credit for rising loafers success to her long time employees..

i do think they must have the lowest employee turn over on main street, and i enjoy seeing these familiar faces, month after month, year after year. always great service; great food

plus I LOVE anywhere i can sit and eat outdoors. -at my table for two on the sidewalk/patio, one chair was occupied by my 3 bouquets of fresh flowers, which meant raymond had to sit on my lap

raymond is my new true love. he makes me think AND laugh, which caused me to draw a heart shape next to his name in the book i'm reading

oh! he made me laugh so hard telling his cathedral story.. honestly.. couldn't stop laughing to finish the story; had to take three long breaks

but he can spin a tear-jerker too, and with equal skill

i found myself -not near tears- but in tears, at the rising loafer. such a beautiful day.. wonderful morning.. sunshine, fresh flowers, fresh orange juice, families filling the sidewalks with strollers, dogs, children, shopping bags from the farmer's market, to-go containers from the local eateries

and there i am falling all to pieces. stuck in the hospital waiting room with howard and ann, waiting for dr. francis.. our 8 year old son in a coma.. maybe. or maybe not.. we don't know yet

i realize i should not be crying on such a lovely day. it's only a story... it's only a story

and so i close the book and day dream some. watch the passersby.. nibble on my banana nut bread

damn you raymond carver! open the book and keep reading

feel i'm being watched from afar. notice in my peripheral vision that some feet, some legs.. they have not passed my table by, but have come to a complete stop

i look up to see bernie berke (my former flute teacher. twosguys.com) and his wife linda -always a pleasant surprise, and i'm so relieved to have this chance to close the book and visit

learn linda loves the short stories too.. so i share more about the book i'm reading.. show her the table of contents and LOVE how many authors/stories she knows and can recommend

i glance at my hand-scribbled notes next to the names in the contents section.. the hearts.. the stars.. and then ..


i flipped quickly to page vi, vii. -where she sang the praises of shirley jackson, franz kafka, herman melville. and page viii, where she sang the praises of isaac singer, and we were triggered to talk in more detail about joyce carol oats

and here is my confession about joyce carol oats: i devour her televised interviews. i devoured her journals. -but have not read her novels. and hers is THE ONLY story in this book, the art of short stories, that i leaped ahead to read. but wished i didn't.

anyway.. while linda and i were chit-chattin' about authors/short stories, bernie went and visited with friends at casa madrid, where he performs on friday nights -AND- he snuck back to the farmer's market around the corner

set down a big basket of fresh strawberries on my table before leaving. -and.. save the date/join me because i'm really looking foward to seeing him/claude perform may 7th at studio 7 art gallery on the corner of main & w. angela

THANKS BERNIE! THANKS LINDA! -great seeing you as always

and THANK YOU DANA GIOIA/R.S. GWYNN!

this book is a dream come true for someone like me.. because a) i love biography b) i love short stories c) i love discussing the craft of writing d) i love learning about other cultures/places/people in the world

here it is! all in one book.. organized/edited.. wonderful. -and as linda also pointed out, when i told her about how this book contained all those elements

"we had to search forever to find that kind of information about authors before.. you had to go to the library and research if you wanted to know more about the authors of your favorite stories.."

AND I ALWAYS WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE AUTHORS OF MY FAVORITE STORIES -don't you?

so, very nice to meet you raymond carver..

next stop was alexander's fine art gallery a little further down main street, to congratulate and celebrate with gary winter & other local artists and art-appreciater friends

it seems a year or two ago, gary pulled a napkin from his pocket.. told me about his upcoming idea.. showed me the draft for "SNgear"

the story behind "get your S.N. gear" /how to motivate without really cussin'

and now here he is with a whole, beautiful, creative, inspiring line of SNgear products, "to motivate & inspire. a lifestyle brand company with a concise rule of conduct, "put it in gear"

t-shirts; coffee mugs; paintings; music; jewelry. i've eye-witnessed his idea grow from paper napkin to popular product. -and the people he's inspired in the process!

claudett mcdermott got her SNgear.. and was invited/sparked/inspired to create a line of jewelry. darling/charming earrings, keychains and necklaces with beads and gear-looking embellishments... (will post picture soon of my purchase & gary/claudette)

michael dean got his SNgear.. and was invited/sparked/inspired to write & record a SNgear song.. "it's wonderful!" -i listened to it myself during gary's reception. -and learned how the invitation from gary winter to write this song, inspired michael also to finally record some other songs that have been in waiting for some too long of time..

and there are more, others.. creative people getting their SNgear thank you to gary winter

i just looked around and couldn't stop smiling.

noting how none of the products on the table -none of the t-shirts, paintings, coffee mugs, jewelry, music, etc.. existed this time last year. how each and every item manifested as a direct result of one man honoring his inspired idea, acting on it; inviting others to do the same

he walks what he talks, gary winter. got his own SNgear and is leading by example

and i note again:

everything that exists was first a thought.

think good thoughts. then get your SNgear...

****

posted by SHE @ 9:26 AM 6 comments

FRED ROVER, DREAD ROVER by (me!) sandra, ttgp

posted by SHE @ 8:14 AM 8 comments

Sidewalk Square Gardening.. by (me!) ~tops

 and so i pulled out ALL of the flowers, and started from scratch for the new season...  fall colors and some orange and black for halloween.   when i showed Brian..   "what might i expect here?"    -and he talked about how many were perennials, and should last year after year...

well, i already know, i want no such thing.   i just want something seasonal..   if this can bloom, grow, fill out for the next 3 or 4 months.. i would be delighted!  and then will be ready to pull everything out, and create something brand new..       -that is my joy, 

re-creations in the same space.

which is also, of course, what we are doing with our front yard.. soon, the imaginary koi fish pond will be raked away, and we will create a playful wicked witch for the halloween season

and!  our home is already 3/4 decorated for halloween, inside and out..  we will work today on the garage.

due season continues...  "thank you!" Jesus...   hallo~woo~ya  amen.

 

posted by SANDRA MICKANEN @ 2:02 PM 0 comments

SUPER BOWL LVI BLISS feb 2022 yard art & poetry by (sexy! & tops!) #bliss @writeousmom

In Jesus loves the NFL's name,   hallelujah & amen

 

posted by SANDRA MICKANEN @ 10:46 AM 0 comments

BLOGGING TO YOU LIVE! From the Dublin Starbucks (me!) sandra, ttgp

Where I am unfortunately being pointed and laughed at from a distance, but listen.. Not only is the lighting deceiving in the bathroom where I get ready, but my late 40's vision doesn't help matters either... Inside the bathroom... I looked perfectly darling in my skirt and platforms. It was not until I stepped into the morning sun, and it was too late for me to turn around that I noticed all the orange-ish blotches on my legs from my "natural glow" skin lotion... And those hairs I missed when shaving around my ankles.. And the eyebrows I missed plucking.. And listen.. My wardrobe is called: the least dirty of the dirty laundry. So, today.. I just applaud the shit out of myself for getting out of bed and getting dressed at all. There. -and good news here.. (thank you awesome Annie!). I thought joannes closed. It didn't. Just relocated... Near chucky cheese. And it opens in about 6 minutes, just enough time for me to read my SQUIDMANN and hit the road...

posted by SHE @ 8:56 AM 0 comments

CONVERSATIONS WITH MY SON

posted by SHE @ 3:43 PM 0 comments