SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

PUBLIC "THANK YOU!" To my Kids! From (writeousmom!)

Awww.... Got treated to breakfast and their great company in downtown pleasanton...  My daughter talked about her recent over night trip to the zoo... My son about baseball...   I made a few efforts but it turned out that, well,  -something like this:

"Did I already tell you about Cortney..

And then both my kids kinda about the same time go, "..and the cigarettes.."

And then I go.."oh.. I guess already told you that one.   Well, did I tell you about how the guy from main street meat and fish..

And then my son goes, "..saved you from the bug..."

So I was like, "darn I already told you that one too..

Well, what about the awards I'm giving out today with the mayor.."

And both my kids are like..  "At the library.."

So I eventually surrendered and realized I had nothing new to say

But then..!

"Have I told you my plans for when you two are thriving in college?"

And it turns out that I had not!  ..so I shared the following:

"After you two are both thriving in college I am going to dedicate 5 or 6 years of my life to helping victims of human trafficking.."

And I talked about how I'm pretty sure I'll end up in Atlanta..

And at some point my daughter asked me, "what will you do?"

-as in, specifically.

And I said, my business card will say:

"I help put the light back in young girls eyes"

-there is no position for which I am more well qualified.

And in my imagination, when I apply for this position

It will be the very first time I will be able to be honest about and proud of my background and experience.

-because I've come close...   I've thought about it...

I've certainly wanted to!

But never in any job interview, when they ask about what obstacles you've overcome..   Never has it seemed appropriate to say,

"Well,  -I've survived three different kidnappings and rapes..."

But! When I go to Atlanta..  They will appreciate my experience I'm very confident.

And!  It has never seemed appropriate at any former job interview either to explain that..  One of my greatest strengths.. 

In one word..

"It's love."...     So, in my imagination, .. I have the write experience as I have survived horrific abuse.. I have had the light stolen from my eyes..

I know what it feels like and I know what it looks like..

And when I look in the mirror today..  Even if my hair is not freshly painted or combed.. Even if my clothes are a mess...  Even if I have skin problems or a drippy nose or unbrushed teeth..

When I look in the mirror..

I can see that the light is back in my eyes!

...this requires a lot of love from a lot of people over a very long period of time..

I have a lot of love to offer these girls...

"After I dedicate 5 or 6 years of my life to helping victims of human trafficking..

I'm going to come back..  And my next goal..

Is to be..

A Rockin' grandma!"

posted by SHE @ 7:09 PM 0 comments

... from the archives... March/April 2014... by (me!), sandra, tvgp

from the archives...   'cuz,    -someone said, 'Atlanta'

Monday, March 31, 2014

posted by SHE @ 8:17 PM 0 comments

DONNY DEUTSCH, MAYA ANGELOU & CHARLIE ROSE by (me!) sandra, ttgp

posted by SHE @ 10:34 AM 10 comments

VS. TOSSING/TURNING

overload: can't sleep. -will return to write about, and i have no idea in what order:

centerpointe church/monday night groups, john piper's book, and how i will always have one foot in, one foot out of the christian experience. obviously, i keep returning every sunday, so i am benefiting/growing/learning, -and, i've joined a group on monday's to learn more, but ... yikes! the things i read make my skin crawl.. so far from what i've come to know/understand believe about God. -will repost passages here/comments with more details later. will continue to attend the group/workshop, don't waste your life, for the value of the relationships being formed with others, more than for the book.. except that it ignites in me a desire to share my very different point of view/my questions, issues..

and speaking of different points of view: the science channel.. this usurping all other topics.. the recent show re: time, and the upcoming show re: memory. -specifically, taking a pill to remove memories/avoid post traumatic stress disorder. this is unfortunately an area of expertise for me.. as a victim of, so will be watching with great interest/curiosity. but in the meantime, while i wait for this show to air next sunday, sends me back on a thought journey -an exhausting thought journey- about what that would be like -to remove, to selectively remove, memories. and this one question leads in so many different directions..

back to the show on time.. what do you mean we can't see time/touch time/taste time..?.. of course we can.. -and then watched their experiment with a man in a removed/cave environment, with no watch, no access to the natural light/darkness of day & night, to learn more about our body clocks.. what natural/innate stop-watches ... and they gave a name/label/location for that part of our brains -where the clock is- but what i found irritating is that they didn't also experiment w/a female.. and how, -obvious- we have innate body clocks, and how quickly the female menstrual cycle provides an example

and then to watch the (dropping out name of fish that appear within a 2 hour window on the shore of a given beach to mate) -and how, as the host explained -without clocks, or gps units, or maps, etc., these fish show up here and know what they need to do.. how they, without thinking about it.. show up on the shore, in this tiny window of precise time

and this sends me on an entirely different thought journey, about how much life is pre-programmed/instinctual vs. not http://science.discovery.com/tv/sci-q/sci-q.html

and that's enough writing for three months, without even touching the joys/experiences i've had over the week/weekend which include, but are not limited to: debra knox's band rocking the house at the pine st. bar & grill in livermore * plus the awesome video * plus the adventures of my taxi rides... how delicious the appetizers, how wonderful the company at amelia's friday night as a customer... how awesome the experience as an employee at the p.p.i.e. fundraiser, which is deserving of a post all its own.. and must mention here how amelia's won the people's choice award! -my head is spinning from the stories.. the people/the connections/the conversations/the food, the wine...

and my head is spinning w/stories from the taxi rides.. it's very layered; much to say..

and then church, and then our visit/adventures at the local pumpkin patch

and then, grateful to be appearing on in a word again with kathy cordova/jim ott.. this time, with gail johnston to talk about the social cause diet.. and i'm so pleased with this book; proud of what it offers.. grateful to have my story included/to be published. -know it is a privilege and important to talk about it etc,, etcs, but, this kind of opportunity is never anxiety free for me.. so in the background, below, above, to the sides of all other thoughts/responsibilities, the stir begins, about what i will want to say.. what i might be asked.. how i should answer.. and many exercises to calm/comfort myself: re-reading, writing, repeat, repeat, repeat -and i've noticed everytime i let my brain hang out on this topic, the word comes to me; tender. to treat this topic tenderly. gently.

and also in the background, below, above, to the sides of those thoughts, there is also, reflections art, the fundraiser/block party/in livermore for the tri valley haven, for which i will prepare again for make n' take mag time frames.. auditions for the vagina monologues.. (can't wait to see my sisters/and the goddess of everything..) -and then, working out work schedules, with school schedules, kids activities schedules

and lastly.. and i hope i can get back to sleep -how, in all of this, (and especially w/recent taxi rides) i do realize i'm healthier/stronger this october than last october; that progress is still being made. -how it happens with a gradual-ness similar to how our children grow

when we're not lookin.

posted by SHE @ 3:00 AM 2 comments

The Twelve Monotasks by (thatcher wine!)

 our yard art hobby, and indigenous word art hobby    -each of these ongoing practices, monotasked

reaps great ongoing and increasing rewards!   it is exactly how we describe it 'playing in the yard' and each installation is a new creation..

indigenous word art requires we look more closely at the nature around us..  feel, touch, rearrange

it increases our awareness, appreciation..  it is creative, fun, and the photo journal helps us relive wonderful places, people, experiences..       how can i word it?  the way monotasking multiplies the rewards and multitasking, splintering everything, marginalizes and reduces them..

sharing here one of my more recent play/see/create monotask projects:  i paper mosaic'd our fireplace one brick, one torn piece of paper at a time!

i am so grateful to help spread this beautiful, helpful, creative and productive, life enhancing word and lifestyle thatcher!

"MONOTASK"

and thinking!    -my daughter will remember, my imaginary commencement speech at any given college

"learn to think for yourself"

wow, is it ever so important, with so much information; a constant bombardment of commercial, political, questionable, scientific, religious, secular news..   understanding motives..  cultures.. maturity.. values..  ethics.. capitalism..  democracy..  on and on..

the soundbites..   the headlines..    the graphics..    understanding who wants you to believe what for what reasons..  for whose gain..

yes; monotask listen..   and then monotask thinking about what you heard..

in Christian speak, we are flesh and spirit.   I have found when i monotask, and think exclusively about how i am going to respond to a given situation 

my initial response is usually 'fleshly'    -reactionary; emotional; oversized/exaggerated for the circumstance at hand

          and then, when i think through a variety of potential responses..

i can eventually align with the holy 'spirit'  -higher, more mature, proper and correctly proportional response

    but it is mono~ 'thinking' it through in advance, and not responding initially that yields the best results.

***

-that's (me!) monotask responding to the twelve monotasks..   the book of course goes into practical, interesting, inspiring detail.. memoir interwoven and the organization wonderful!:  the art and science of monotasking; the specific task 1 - 12; facts; specifics on how it helps; assignments; mantras; reinforcements; task in your past; how you'll know you're good at it; what if's and now go!

"Congratulations on this book Thatcher Wine!"   i will be gift-giving it proudly!

and now, 

***

my entire reason for my very first visit to juniper books was a tv segment which shared about your 

crazy awesome creative custom book cover printing for home and professional libraries

i had (have) never seen anything like it!

     on my bucket list for sure!

but inspired to share here:    well, i have only ever referred to it, as "the way i arrange my books"

but i will borrow from your vocabulary, which sounds much more impressive and poetic  -and share here how i have designed and curated my home library:  i am a lover of books, and admirer and student of many different authors who i have had the great honor to meet..   or see speak..  and have a treasured collection of personally inscribed, and/or autographed books in a variety of genres, along with a library of books i have just enjoyed reading and re-reading throughout the years; and books i have written, along with anthologies from my workshops..        i think it looks especially pretty slightly rearranged/altered with our Christmas decorations up..

and my dream, my dream, my dream of dreams!   my 16+ years of blog posts in printed book form, with custom printed covers that reach across the shelves  SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

also, there are 9 years worth of unpublished archives between myself and leonard stegmann, so i dream of those blogs/comments being printed out in book form also, with juniper books covers across reading SQUIDMANN & SHE...

i really love that art form.. the way it transforms a book shelf/library!  remarkable!

in Jesus hear my prayers' name..  and Merry Christmas to the Wine Family & Amazing Team at Juniper Books 

amen.

posted by SANDRA MICKANEN @ 12:35 PM 0 comments

WE GOT GRILL! & I GOT MY 255's (robert! & sandra!) #jeep

i can't help but laugh.   no car either one of us has ever owned is more designed to handle all the elements; and then some

but brief background here:

i was in my limelight.. scrunched between k rails and giant 18 wheelers.. construction; had a panic attack of sorts;  made it safely home, but..

didn't drive on the freeway again; self elected out..      was starting to feel trapped, asking people to drive for me.. meet me here instead of there; avoiding freeway at all cost

started going over in my mind..  what car did i drive in my whole life; over the course of my whole driving life, that gave me the most driving confidence   -combined this knowledge with prayer for God to restore my driving confidence  -specifically my freeway driving confidence

landed on the answer   i had my most driving confidence when 

i was driving my jeep blue see!  i loved it!   and i could pull in spaces backwards..  i could parallel park.. i could zip..  i could zag..     and i loved how it had a little bounce about it..

but i did buy it used..  and it was part by part, falling apart..  and so, God blessed me with a family who purchased it primarily for its parts, and to work on, from a jeep enthusiasts/hobbyist perspective, and budget/practicality, several factors landed me in my limelight..    and great on gas!  but on todays freeways with construction ongoing, k rails and cement walls cropping up like a bamboo forest, higher population of 18 wheelers, higher population of  selfish, dangerous drivers on the road.. on and on..  

well, i asked my sexy, if i couldn't get myself a used wrangler sport again..    and 2 door, not 4, because i can navigate a 2 door; its just the write size for me..  (we have an SUV that can accommodate friends/family passengers). 

it is to my giant surprise (and his children's surprise.. and anyone who knows him well's surprise) that we purchased a new, not used, jeep wrangler willys edition

the one thing i said often about my jeep blue see, is that 'i love my airplane tires!'   it was the first time i had even paid attention to tires..  and i just immediately loved how big and texturey..

and i wanted that experience again too..   and he had not really ever paid that much attention to tires either, until i started showing him..

and i did not care about new or used, when it came to the jeep wrangler itself, but i cared very much about having big tires again..

at one point, we were going to get the jeep wrangler sport, and have the default tires changed to mud tires..   and being the budget wise person he is, he suggested that once the default tires needed changed out anyway, that's when we could get the mud tires..

and now, i am not one to push.. or insist on my way..  i am more the grateful for what youre willing to give and be comfortable with type, 

but, we are not commuting anymore; we are retired, 

and i started doing the math..   and i was getting pretty depressed and frustrated..  and i said to my sexy, i said, 

"the thing about the tires is this..   i'm not 25 years old, i'm 57..   i'll be like 90 before the tires need to be changed and i can get my mud tires"

but we did due dilegence.. and we did try and figure out, which was the over all better value?

to purchase a jeep wranger sport 2 door, and purchase mud tires to have put on.. and sell the default tires that come with it

or

purchase the 2 door jeep wrangler willy's edition, which comes with the 255 mud tires already on it

and we visited several dealerships..   and we spent hours on the jeep website, building our imaginary jeeps, customizing, etc.  to figure out the best value

and i really wanted those two-fifty-fives!

and then he started falling for them too..   

then, when we started looking at jeeps that don't have mud tires..  they looked  -wrong.   like, it doesnt match   -plain all terrain tires with that gorgeous beefy jeep grill and body

and we noticed how, on some new versions of jeep,  -not sure the vocabulary, but, on some new jeeps, the front grill, bumper, they've closed off a view of the tire..   but the willy's maintains that visual access

but being able to see the tire!   aesthetically speaking...    huge!   i love the whole look; we both do

and we sat in a willy's at one dealership..   and we test drove..   

and "i" test drove a 2 door wrangler...   and in the very moment i test drove that jeep, i was no longer guessing, wondering, hoping, 

i knew! my driving confidence was restored!  i love being high up!  you need this visual advantage on the freeways today..   and no vehicle i have ever driven or been in as a passenger has a better visual field than the jeep wrangler..  and it has a little bounce and personality and character.. and it gets up and goes when you want it, or need to..   it has power..

and my husband, he never once complained about driving me in the limelight, getting me from here to there without making me feel terrible about my fear..  he was so gracious..

and he is not at all insecure about the man he is, and so.. he never once let on that driving the limelight (vs. a big masculine truck)  -he never once mentioned anything about it

but, when we did purchase our willy's,   and he was in the driver seat of that..

his expression and tone and smile..  there was this way he said, this feels good; much better..

truth is:  he LOVES it.    and truth is:  i LOVE it too!   and as i told him, my driving confidence went from zero to 10.  and i was on the freeway..  and i was here and there..  and i can back it into the garage.. and i can maneuver it with confidence.  i can see ahead, i can see all around..

and my jeep blue see had manual roll down windows, manual  -get out of your jeep, adjust the side view mirrors, get back in, check.. get back out, adjust the sideviews..

but this willy's has POWER windows and doors..    love, love, love

it's a giant upgrade for both of us.  and it's not just my driving confidence that is restored; but my joy!  it is a pleasure to drive this jeep..   it is fun.  we are a perfect match.  i look forward to it, and can't wait to take it out again soon..

the color has been a hot topic in conversations.. it's new for 2023, and everyone has their unique way to describe it.  jeep itself calls it, earl clearcoat.   but if you say, my jeep is earl clearcoat..  like, unless you are already familiar..  you have no idea.  juan from fremont, calls it 'mint' like mint chocolate chip.. a young woman from a san jose dealership, called it 'sage'   an online article called it, aquamarine..    and the thing is, it is greyish, greenish, hint of blue-ish, and very creamy..   

so we have landed on our own unique description; we call it, aqua~creamy~marine.

we waited several months, after due diligence.. finally customizing, ordering.. and then waiting several months for delivery.  i half considered creating a birth announcement; playing off the idea

proud parents announcement:

born:  height/weight;   name..

and we both do have that light hearted playfulness about 'our baby'   -being extra careful, nurturing..  adding accessories..

making plans for our future together.

and every time i get the chance, i don't say, 'i got mud tires'  i say with a smile, i say, 

"got my 255's!"    and everywhere we park it, my sexy he says with a smile, he says, "this is the best looking vehicle in the lot!"   and the two of us, we like to playfully say, "we got grill!"

   -good times, answered prayers..

jeeps for my entire family..   that's my vision.  what other vehicle has the miraculous, magical combination of being safer and badass at the same time?  and what a variety of models.. for off road thrill seekers, to the family man, to the taxi-mom,   -first time driver, to college, to career

and "to retirement!"  jeep wave ~ jeep cheers!

"rescued and restored again! Thank You Jesus!  Thank You Jeep!  Thank You Sexy!  amen."

posted by SANDRA MICKANEN @ 12:52 PM 0 comments

#vellumdays in progress..

public "Thank You!" to Daisy & Kansen Chu for inviting and treating us to Woven Stories 2025.  Exceptional Performances!  one after another...  honestly.  I found myself saying, thinking, or whispering the word WOW over and over...    and i was engaged throughout..   but i have always had an eye for people who respond to music..  and every dancer does, yes..  of course, goes without saying, but there was a young dance prodigy near the end of this production, and he not only responded, interpreted the music, as a whole..  he could feel, interpret, express every note!  i was mesmerized..     a blessing to be in the audience; to witness all these talented people utilizing and sharing their God given gifts...  at master levels "Thank You!"

p.s.  "Thank You!"  Daisy for the beautiful red Chinese-fashion top you gifted me to wear, and Fancy Nancy for sharing her red boots!    

*****

and, who doesnt repeat themselves; -write.  my husband and i repeat with great frequency, how grateful we are to have met and become friends with the Wilsons,  Awesome Elva, Talented Tom..   who just treated us to lunch for my bady, (which i am very happy to stretch out...)   -and we met them as a direct result of the NOTonNOBLE protest    -as in, we would not have met them, maybe ever..  without this protest

so, my Christian interpretation,  -what the devil meant for harm, God used for our good and blessed us in mighty ways; we not only got the VICTORY for NOTonNOBILE, but we made life-long friends with a really awesome couple!  "Thank You!"

p.s.  Awesome Elva,   -part of a strong woman trifecta, who have recently created and launched a new neighborhood association: Beautify Berryessa   -and they just had their first meeting, which was very well attended! by people in our neighborhood AND city, state leaders...     gives us hope!  People who have lived here for decades, especially, have been eye witness to a slow (and sometimes fast) decline in regard to blight, loitering, criminal activity

Beautify Berryessa is putting the brakes on the decline; and leading us back in the beautiful, well kept and safe direction...     one of their (our) focuses (among many) is the Safeway area of Berryessa Corners..  corner of Berryessa & Capitol   -this has been on the decline since i moved here, 7 years ago..   and in fact, sends many of us to shop at other stores in other areas of San Jose, or other cities..  Milpitas..  Fremont..  

so, "Thank You!" to Elva, Valerie & the one who initiated this new neighborhood association; Natalie!  I do not have a pix from this meeting, but i regard it a #vellumday!

I love to use my imagination to envision what this Berryessa Corners Plaza could (will) look like, with the retaining walls repaired; the landscaping -landscaped; a newly paved parking lot, removal of all grafitti; new, modern signs, a pressure washed sidewalk, absence of panhandlers, on and on, etc.

the plaza directly across the street, Berryessa Hills, has one side that has been beautified!  and what an enormous difference! just driving by..   let alone shopping there...    a fresh coat of paint, clean newly paved parking lot;  new signs...     elevates the entire area!    We don't guess what it will look (and feel) like once Berryessa Corner's is beautified, we get to see first hand...   write across the street!

****

and i don't have a picture from our most recent visit,   -but another highlight in my #vellumdays, my friendship visits over coffee with my life long BMF/FLF's of several decades now..   Catherine & Carla.  "Thank You!"  I do always, consistently feel God's presence..  over our visits, our conversations..  our friendship; our lives.. our families. - so wonderful to get together in person; share the ups, downs, challenges, rewards of life with friends..   progress reports..   and we have a long shared history each conversation is built upon..   so, it makes it easy..    i love them  -watching their families grow.    our (adult) children, all around the same age.. give or take, and we've known them from birth, or pre-school..      [pix from wedding]   We are proud mom's!  

 all of it is hallelujah! thank you Jesus & Amen...   

posted by SANDRA MICKANEN @ 11:02 AM 0 comments