SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

SWEET REVENGE by (me!) writeous mom

you know when i should have known? -when i should have suspected something.

i should have suspected something by the way he answered my questions.

"you bringin' or buyin' today?" i asked my son. -and with a little too much certainty he replied,

"BRINGING."

"well, would you like salame or peanut butter & jelly?" i asked him. -and with a little too much enthusiasm, he replied

"PEANUT BUTTER & JELLY"

and there was such a silence that followed his answer; a clue.

but i missed it at the time. -didn't catch on until AFTER i reached my hand in the pantry for the peanut butter and a little black rubber rat came popping out of the jar sending me seven and a half feet in the air

and he's just crackin' up.. all proud of himself for scaring his mommy half to death.

"oh! i'll be getting you back!" i promised him. "expect it when you least expect it!"

and when taryn comes down the stairs and hears the story, she starts laughin' pretty hard, picks the ultra creepy little black rubber rat up off the floor and gets a special look going on in her eyes

i know i'm doomed, i just don't know when.

until her voice takes a higher pitch, and she asks me, so uninnocently, for "a bowl of cereal."

i'm on to you! i thought. i'm so on to you! -and my brain completely prepared itself to see that ugly black rat pour out of the box of cereal and into the bowl

only she didn't hide it in the cereal box.

it was when i reached into the cupboard for the bowl that the black rat shows up -for which i was completely unprepared- and so screamed at the top, bottom and from the center of each lung and nearly fainted.

i'm a very entertaining person to scare because i'm phobic. creepy crawly anythings send me into operatic seizures that can last up to 12 months; or a year.

but i think i might have scared my kids this time too. -was so terrified, they weren't sure whether to keep laughing at the success of their prank or call 911

"oh! i'll be getting you back!" i said with a tortured smile, "expect it when you least expect it!"

- and i'm one down, one to go -

paying them back in order, so jack first: ~ my story of sweet revenge, part one ~

because on many days after school we go to the meadowlark dairy for frosties. -and jack ALWAYS gets an extra small chocolate and vanilla swirl.

so a little after 2pm yesterday, i met with jesse at meadowlark, told him the pranks i fell for earlier that morning and asked would he please help me seek revenge by placing the rat into jack's frosty

and -so fun- because he was immediately game, and so were the girls, amber and kelsey -and everyone had to be in on it, because if i pulled my truck up in line and asked for a specific person that would give it all away. -had to happen just like any other day...

and i tried to give jesse a tip for helping out, but he wouldn't accept it (so you know they'll all be getting mag time frames) -anyway-

it's after 3pm, after school, and we are waiting at the library for taryn, and helps here to know that one of my missions as a mom is to have my children memorize the artist and title for every piece of public art in pleasanton

and on this day, jack knows he will get a medium frosty instead of an extra small if he can tell me the name of the sculpture and the artist for all three sculputures outside of the pleasanton library.

and nothing motivates jack more than ice cream, so, with great pride and a little anticipatory drool, he says, "girl reading by dennis smith. once upon a time by dennis smith. and, leap by taylor... no. no. -not taylor. it's -yoshio taylor!"

and i smiled REAL big, and said, "medium frosty for you!" -and rubbed my hands together in my imagination so i wouldn't give it away

and now taryn has arrived and we are off to the dairy. -and we wait patiently in line on neal street..

and i'm tryin' to act like i do any other day..

and i'm tryin' not to giggle at the thought of what would happen if they accidentally put the rat in someone else's frosty

and then, at last, our turn at the drive thru. -and it wasn't jesse, but amber, a pretty, young, blond girl with a knowing, fun smile on her face

"have you been helped?"

"not yet," i said

"what can i get for you?"

"i'll take a medium chocolate n' vanilla swirl and a bag of bbq chips" -i said, returning her knowing smile.

and she came back with the goods, and i left a little tip, and we headed on our way.

i sang along to the radio, glancing in my rearview mirror at jack in the backseat, licking away at his medium frosty, chit chatting casually with taryn in the front seat; just waiting..

"look how far i've gotten!" jack tells me. and i look back to see him showing off how fast he can eat

-and he had gotten pretty far, so i wondered if maybe they forgot to put the rat in.

and what if they did give it to the wrong person?! silent giggles

but i drove on; just waiting...

singing to the radio, chit chating with taryn..

and within about a minute,

"WHAT IS IN HERE?! EEEWWW! MOMMMMMMYYYYYY! -DID YOU PUT THE RAT IN MY FROSTY?!"


and i raised both hands in the air and hollered out, "VICTORY! FOR WRITEOUS MOM! SWEET REVENGE FOR WRITEOUS MOM!"

and he told me how at first he thought it was an oreo.. and then maybe a raisin... or a chocolate chip.. until he figured out the rat face.

and taryn was laughin' so hard -so hard-

"good one mommy!" she tells me, and gives me a high five.

and i said, "thank you. you're next."

posted by SHE @ 4:36 AM 6 comments

THOUGHTS ON PROBLEM SOLVING by (me!) sandra, tvgp

do you ever find that when you solve one problem, it creates another...

like my new socks for example. -bought a pair of long socks to wear under my boots, but the damn things keep falling down

how can i get them to stay up? -and i'm nothing, if not a problem solver, so...

i stopped shaving my legs. and it worked!

only what a damper this puts on my imaginary sex life.

posted by SHE @ 5:47 AM 6 comments

"TARYN KAY DAY!" -no school: by (taryn kay!)

so i was talking to my daughter about how they might reduce the school year by 5 days in order to save money

$$

and she thought rather than just eliminate 5 days/adding 5 days to summer vacation.. why not ADD 5 no-school holidays. -give them each a name and person to celebrate, like how they recently had school off for martin luther king jr's birthday

and she suggested at least one should be "taryn kay" day, because she is, after all, the person who thought of it.


cc: superintendent, john casey, pusd
governor arnold schwarzenegger, california

posted by SHE @ 7:03 AM 6 comments

ITZ~ITZ again! by (me!) sandra, tvgp

posted by SHE @ 10:49 AM 2 comments

MINI POSTS by (me!) sandra, tvgp

so i took my kids and one of their friends to blackhawk plaza for lunch, because i will drive many, many miles to eat outdoors where there is beautiful landscaping

and they decided to play hide n' seek after lunch.. up the stairs/down the stairs, all around the blackhawk museum. each one taking a turn counting to 25 while the other two hid

and i sat relaxed, feet propped up on an extra chair, eyes closed -taking in the january sunshine

when suddenly my daughter taps my shoulder, "i need your cell phone," she tells me, "i can't find them anywhere."

and i said, "my cell phone? -whatever happen to 'ollie, ollie, auction, free-free-free'?"

****

well, turns out there is no more ollie, ollie, auction free-free-free, NOR is there a mere $200 for passing go

we just got ourselves: monolpoly. here & now: the world edition, with an electronic banking unit, and passing go in the 21st century earns you 2 MILLION

i was shocked at first to see how technology, inflation and entertainment had altered this board game from my youth; reluctant to accept the changes, until

"i get to start with fifteen MILLION?! -FIFTEEN -MILLION?!?"

and just talking and playing in this foreign financial tongue gives new meaning to family fun.

and write now i am the proud owner of montreal, cape town, paris, hong kong, beijing, istanbul, shanghai, PLUS.. monopoly cruise

and I STILL HAVE MILLIONS TO SPEND! and hate paying but LOVE COLLECTING RENT!

-and WILD to read scott adam's blog this morning, which links to an article about how we are all really just living in a great big cosmic hologram

because i told my kids, "that's what's coming next..

by the time your kids are playing monopoly, when you want to purchase a property, you will tap on the card and then a hologram will appear

and there will be a little floating image of a person - a nice lady - in the sky, and she will tell you all about the property, and then disappear.."

and i love the look my children give me when i talk about their future. it's a cross between.. well, it's a scared/intrigued/interested/curious mix. i suppose if i could name the facial expression i'd call it the "she's crazy write " look

because they're not sure about me.. my stories

and i love it.

*** *** ***

great progress is being made on my new website (thank you alyssa!). my favorite addition is the literary scrapbook which, when you click and drag the arrow, turns the pages like an actual book. it is just plain FUN

and i never anticipated being able to add a picture of steven johnson.. this was such a pleasant surprise

i was looking through my towne center book email news, and just happen to see steven johnson would be at the pleasanton library to talk about his newest release, the invention of air -and let me be honest here

the name alone did not ring any bells, but when i saw the list of books he had already published, mind wide open, was in the list


and then i checked my shelf, and sure enough... there it was. all penned up, dog eared and decorated with my thoughts

and then i checked my blog, and sure enough.. i had posted a couple passages w/comments.

i was quite intrigued with this book.. a gem for curious neuroscientist layman types like myself, and the post was from nov 2005

and i told my kids, "i read this book in november 2005"

and my daughter especially, but both of them.. they looked at me real strange, surprised and susipious-like

"how could you remember that?"

the emphasis looks like this: "how could YOU remember that?!?" -because i'm famous for what i forget, not what i remember

and they knew.. they knew there had to be something.. some catch

AND THERE IS! the "catch" is my blog. this blog. it really serves as a beautiful, wonderful, miraculous external memory storage space

a memory sanctuary. a memory refuge. a memory reserve. -when i glance through my postings there is so much i know i would not remember on my own; so many memories/experiences that would be LOST if not for the writing/posting of them

i'm so grateful. -and when i think how awesome it would be if my parents/grandparents/beyond would have blogged... what i could possibly being reading/learning today.. i'm even more grateful to have these stories to pass on to my children..

but back to steven johnson.. who gave a wonderful presentation, and was a complete treat to meet, and who was kind enough to indulge my request for not just two inscribed books, but a picture. thank you! -it will be added to my literary scrapbook soon

and FYI: he was interviewed by jim ott/kathy cordova and will appear on TV30's in a word throughout february

and two more thank you's and then i'm back to work: thank you judy wheeler from towne center books, because.. and this is the great joy of living in a small town with great people.. i didn't have quite enough cash on me to purchase stevens newest book.. so put down 3/4 and can just bring the balance to her at towne center books today. -can't do that just anywhere

and thank you also to robert wilkins, who indulged all my questions about his line of fabulous work as a media escort. i'd be a natural i think, and offered to step in and help out should he ever be sick

but that sounded terrible, so instead.. "in case you ever have a wedding or anniversary party or not-to-be-missed reunion or something to go to... if it conflicts with your escort schedule.. feel free to call me -k-"

posted by SHE @ 8:16 AM 0 comments

LANDSLIDE by (me!) sandra, tvgp

on march 17, 2008, i posted a blog titled happy, get lucky

and i was crying the entire time i wrote that post -and am very glad to have documented what i go through when i'm feeling my worst

a few friends and family members commented to me after reading that post, saying

...but you never said what happened... what happened?"

i answer that question here, write now, and am very excited to get the nervous break down giggle story out of my brain and body.

what happened you see..

well, what happened -it can only be explained with some background information:

and i'll summarize to get to the point: there was an add in the paper (or an email sent to me?) regarding auditioning for the vagina monologues, and the add said, "no experience necessary"

-that's me

and it was a fundraiser for the tri valley haven -where i'm a volunteer

and i had great memories of the vagina monologues having seen it in san francisco many, many, years ago.. and my spirit is always getting me to do things, my practical self would not

and so next thing you know i'm auditioning.. and next you thing you know, i'm cast

and i swear to you i did all that without ONE consideration for what i was really getting myself into. common sense would tell you (but not me) memorization of lines would be first and foremost

it is as embarrassingly obvious to me as ordering chocolate chip pancakes and then going.. "oh.. hmm... there's chocolate chips in here?"

but somewhere, and throughout and over time, i realized that almost all of the people i've seen speak, or read, at open mic events -the best of these people ALL had some stage experience. so the behind-the-scenes desire for me, really, was to become a better speaker/reader

it's clear to me i've found my writing voice.. but just as clear to me that i have not found my speaking one..

but memorizing.. memorizing lines, not reading them; i'm not cut out for this. i KNOW i'm not cut out for this.. post trauma stress damages this part of your brain, but epic made post: that became my personal challenge:



but what comes naturally to others, is damn hard work for me, so add 3 hours for me, to every 1/2 hour for competent others

and that effort alone has my brain taxed a little. and the rehearsals are getting more frequent and longer as we draw closer to our actual performance

-at the bankhead theatre! at the 500 seat bankhead theatre! in livermore

and i'm listening each time, at each rehearsal, to eve enslers work -which INCLUDES (but is not limited to) the horrific violence women have endured and continue to face around the world

and for any/all of us survivors cast in the show -these stories serve as memory triggers

and so some personal reprocessing goes on inside the mind/soul on your own time, in your own way

and i guess i didn't realize how much stuff was accumulating inside me; how much anxiety; how exhausted and out of my league..

and THANK GOD and eve ensler, the vagina monologues is not only a work about the violence women face/endure, but includes also, some of the funniest stories about what it's like to be a woman -in general. all the awkward, exciting, uncertainties we experience

and if you've seen it, you know the vagina monologues makes you laugh as hard as you cry.

but what happen to me.. what happen to me

is that during a dress rehearsal at the bankhead theatre, my brain/body exhausted, my nerves on the very edge, my anxiety peaking, showtime nearing

i started to cry at the lines that should make me laugh.. and laughed hysterically at the lines that should make me cry; like my brain wires got all crossed

and so there was jean rehearsing a very powerful, a very serious/sad/disturbing monologue

and my job at the time, is to sit real still on the bench behind her, between two others, just listening,
and so i'm sitting real still and listening

and jean delivers some terrifying statistic on victims of .. katrina/rawanda?.. i can't remember exactly what horrible crime it was, but then she continues on with,

"...and it was shocking what little people did to stop it"

-and that's what ignited my whole hysterical laughter thing, because that's exactly what i saw in my imagination when she said that: -little people.

-like a whole bunch of tiny, little, people out to fight crime and save lives

and so i started laughing, -hysterically- and couldn't stop.

and when i say hysterically -i mean it. and when i say, couldn't stop -i mean that too.

it was quite funny at first..

a couple people came over to me, "are you okay?" and wanted to hug and comfort me because they thought jean's monologue upset me and i was crying

there were tears coming from my eyes

but when i straightened up, they could see i was laughing not crying. -and when i told them why

-about how i saw a bunch of "little people" -they laughed too.

and everyone was laughing for a little bit, and it was really funny for a while, but then, - it was time to get back to work.

only i couldn't get back to work. because i couldn't stop laughing -hysterically-

i couldn't stop laughing way past the time it lost its entertainment value. way past the expiration date

everyone else was trying to move on and forward but i was stuck there on the bench
doubled over, tears coming down, shoulders bouncing, stomach aching, practically falling off the bench laughing -hysterically-

and i can't remember exactly how long it took for me to regain my composure, but i know it was too long and never fully complete. one wrong vision.. one wrong thought and i was write back to doubled-over with tears

and then i got to thinkin' about how awful it would be if that happened during the actual show, and not just a rehearsal

how many people i would be letting down -how it might be funny at first.. but how NOT funny it becomes after a certain amount of time

i pictured them having to carry me off the stage and to a hospital

and that got me to realizing how i had no techniques/no skills whatsoever for pulling myself back together

how i somehow -once again- got in over my head

how really.. i'm not an actress.. i can't memorize lines.. i don't belong here..

i need to get out while i still can. -and then i got to thinkin' how horrible/awful it was going to feel to tell the director lisa -this late in the game/this close to show time- to confess, to admit, that i have to quit

"i can't do it"

and what a pain in the ass and giant disappointment i turned out to be to my fellow sister-cast members -what a let down to the tri valley haven

and already exhausted and on edge and taxed to hysteria.. now i'm adding the weight of "to quit or not to quit" -on my unbalanced shoulders

and it feels very true -very true to me even this very moment- that i'm just such a high functioning damaged person, i fool people, including myself.

that the smarter thing for someone like me, is not to try and grow and take on challenges outside of my comfort zone; always climbing up loose rocks

but to stay on the ground and rest. to lower my expectations and spare my confidence the plummet

and now the interesting thing is.. i did rock on. i did rock on and my experience of ultimately participating in the vagina monologues shot write to the top of my great life experiences list. in large part due to the friendships it yielded, the pride in raising $30,000 for the tri valley haven, having not let any friends down, and these great lines and this roarin' laughter:



there is an important puzzle piece missing i must provide before the end

on the night i returned home from my hysterical laughing break down, there was a very particular inspirational email i opened, read and listened to

it was an interview between two inspirational/motivational speakers ( i will have to look up names), but the topic -very timely for me- was on resistence

and they talked about how anytime you are reaching up.. reaching out and beyond to attempt to accomplish a new level of -personal success/accomplishment

you'll be met with internal resistence.. those "you can't" "you shouldn't" and "don't even try" messages/voices in your head

which ultimately, if trusted/heeded, keep you stuck.

and the only way to unstick yourself is to ignore those messages and rock on

and i laid flat on my floor, eyes closed, listening very close to that interview -processing the truth in it-

and that helped me rock on instead of call and quit.

but what i've learned since that time, is how equally important it sometimes is to ignore the "you can" "you should" and "try this/try that" messages

so that you can rest. and feel grounded enough to build your rock into a mountain

posted by SHE @ 7:30 AM 5 comments

ITZ~ITZ by (me!) sandra, tvgp

posted by SHE @ 8:22 AM 6 comments

BRAIN SPILL by/for me! sandra, tvgp

i thought the order in which i would miss things would look like this: computer, music, tv. but in fact, it was like this: music, computer, tv.

God, did i miss music! so when my alarm went off in the morning, instead of popping up and shutting it off write away, i'd let a couple songs play..


and now i have a deeper appreciation and understanding of that saying, "it was music to my ears"

and my children (thanks john) suprised me with an ipod for christmas and i think this is the greatest, most wonderful-est technology of all time, after the internet and comcast dvr.

first thing this morning: a dance around the house to family affair by the one and only - mary j blige. i always called it "the percolator" song..

but it is so -mandatory dance- it should be prescribed listening for physical therapy patients and could knock a good two weeks off scheduled sessions

and before it slips.. and because it clogs, let me here release a few holiday memories from 2008:

the nutcracker at the bankhead theatre in livermore/awesome/wonderful: tickets thank you to tri valley haven; a christmas carol at the pleasanton playhouse/fantastic/enchanting: tickets thank you to kathy cordova; the most delicious chocoloate chip cookies in the universe, plus sensational peanut brittle & cranberry bread: thank you to (ooga booga friends) virginia and katie; the parade down main street; wintery delicious fun "build-your-own sunday"-sunday thank you to the teeters; grandpa pez as santa at macy's; shopping/dining/visiting/great times thank you to sister & mom; superfranks fun thank you to carla & dominic; wonderful christmas eve/day & huge christmas feast thank you to john & family; every christmas card, picture and letter (i keep them ALL -have for many years.. amazing watching the children grow) thank you to friends old and new; and

AND

hoover, wind tunnel, self-propelled vacuum
inscribed brick at the firehouse art center (scheduled to open 2010) -and where my plays will be performed..
membership with the pleasanton art group
writeousmom.com on truck window
breathing room for christmas shopping in general & two bills paid all THANK YOU TO MY GRANDMA HARRISON ~ we miss and love you! ~



different & missing: our first year not hosting the good neighbor's holiday boutique -but putting an album together of the 8 years we enjoyed this event

and while my mom did host thanksgiving, and have her 25th (?) annual cookie exchange party - i do not attend having learned what a toll it takes on my spirit to be in san leandro. -difficult, and yet, the days pass quickly and i know i am much happier/stronger for making this decision
-and better still, and most importantly.. my mom loves me and understands

and speaking of happier/stronger: i've spent the past couple days prettying this place up and taking LOTS of pictures

confirmed rumor has it, the owner might sell which =

i might have to move. on short notice.

"are you going to cry mommy?" my kids asked me.

"not at all," i said. "i'll be wherever God wants me -but i've never been happier in my life than living here.. "

and then i take more pictures because

"because... you know... when i become famous, they'll want to re-create the living environment where i did my best writing..

where i posted over 600 blogs.. where i woke every morning to read and respond to squidmann.."


and i do have many beautiful fantasies of people -tourists- fellow writers mostly, coming to see what my writing studio looks like..

and they LOVE it..

and a laptop sits open, write here.. write where it is write now.. where i write every morning, and a guest book spot is open on my website and everyone who visits leaves a little note, poem or story.. a few words in the guest book; whatever feels write at the time


and they look real close at my collage(s) of inscribed books.. and my library.. and my ultra cool tao book shelf, my library, my word wall (and of course there is a list of all the different words that have been rotated/featured on my word wall)

my mag time frames hanging here and there -all the family/friend pictures all around

my giraffe collection, my picture of Maya Angelou.. my aunt & uncle's gorgeous pottery.. the handmade blankets i snuggle with..

and it is always kept with fresh flowers and candles -fresh flowers from the farmer's market -held year round only two blocks away- which "she spent $9 every saturday for 3 bouquets she spread throughout the house.. on the tables and in the bathroom"

and the mirrors.. on the closets and in the bathrooms will be decorated and marked up with my kids art work, homework and spontaneous, creative designs.. because "she loved that so much.. "

and they'll have to talk LONG about my neighbor's.. how the reason i was so happy here was because i felt loved and safe.. because moe and his family lived across the street and moe knew everything and everyone.. kept an eye out for us, and plus held the most awesome block parties.. and everyone felt like a friend and was on a first and/or nick name basis: mike on the bike... abe.. dave... olga.. jimmy... dave... lacey.. shelley.. bob... joan.. jody.. karen and more..

and the neighborhood mascots: sadie and jose

and show how we could sit on the curb and feel like we had vip seats for all the parades because they turn from main street on to w. angela and pass write in front of us

and how we could walk -and never worry about parking- for the alameda county fair. and we could ride all the rides, and come back here for lunch.. and walk back and see the concerts..

and how the canada geese flew directly overhead.. and the healing power of the trees

i've always dreamed..

i've dreamed of some magical/miracle happening which allows me to own this place, keep it as a writing, arts/crafts studio and live in a larger place on 2nd street with more room/space for my kids and their friends -but still within walking distance of downtown

the meadowlark dairy, cold stone, amelia's, the farmer's market, concerts in the park, the library, the firehouse art center, towne center books, the restaurants

i do believe in magic and miracles.

but i also believe in pictures and memories.. so i'm taking lots and making many.

2009 arrives with more uncertainty than i've ever experienced at one time: livlihood -no idea. means for income after spousal supports ends - no idea. where we'll live next if we have to move -no idea.

but i'm certainly not alone..

everything and everyone seems to be somewhere within the process of creative destruction

the economy has taken a major hit: people are losing their jobs, leaving their homes.. businesses/restaurants are closing up and down main street

and i don't mean to be an alarmist.. but there's no ignoring these red flags and no painting them a different color

lean times ahead.


lean times ahead but not forever... and that's how i'll close this brain spill

with a spiritual conversation i had with my grandma. "grandma," i ask,

"what would you say.. what would you do if you were here write now?"

and she said (or i projected) "when times improved.. and they did improve..

i would have got my nails painted. red."

because you see my grandma lived through very tough financial times..

very tough.

and she learned how to save, save, save. conserve, conserve, conserve. stretch every dollar. recycle. reuse. and re-purpose everything before the term re-purpose was invented

but when financial times improved -and they did improve-

she never altered her ultra-conservative ways. -and it absolutely shocked her to no end when my sister and i were visiting her in san diego and we each spent $10 on a manicure

she could not imagine a greater waste of money

but we could not imagine anything better you could get for only $10

because a manicure not only made your hands look really beautiful because of the pretty, shiny color on your nails, but the manicures also included a MASSAGE

a long, wonderful, hand and forearm massage, PLUS moisturizers on your skin, PLUS three layers of polish: base coat, pretty color of your choice, and top coat

and it could last for like, up to, 5 or 6 days

so if you take 10 fingers, times 5 or 6 days, and divide that by $10

WHAT A BARGAIN!!

but my grandma.. even when it was well within her budget to do so, never treated herself to a manicure or pedicure

and what she'd like to share with all of us, is this:

lean times are ahead.

but they won't last forever.

and when times improve.

and they WILL improve.

-go get your nails painted; red.

posted by SHE @ 7:39 AM 2 comments

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! from me! sandra, tvgp

dear friends and family,


please spontaneously stop by within the next 10 minutes if you expect to see it like this.


and now for my reward: http://www.leonardstegmann.blogspot.com

posted by SHE @ 6:53 AM 2 comments