SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

SWEET REVENGE by (me!) writeous mom

you know when i should have known? -when i should have suspected something.

i should have suspected something by the way he answered my questions.

"you bringin' or buyin' today?" i asked my son. -and with a little too much certainty he replied,

"BRINGING."

"well, would you like salame or peanut butter & jelly?" i asked him. -and with a little too much enthusiasm, he replied

"PEANUT BUTTER & JELLY"

and there was such a silence that followed his answer; a clue.

but i missed it at the time. -didn't catch on until AFTER i reached my hand in the pantry for the peanut butter and a little black rubber rat came popping out of the jar sending me seven and a half feet in the air

and he's just crackin' up.. all proud of himself for scaring his mommy half to death.

"oh! i'll be getting you back!" i promised him. "expect it when you least expect it!"

and when taryn comes down the stairs and hears the story, she starts laughin' pretty hard, picks the ultra creepy little black rubber rat up off the floor and gets a special look going on in her eyes

i know i'm doomed, i just don't know when.

until her voice takes a higher pitch, and she asks me, so uninnocently, for "a bowl of cereal."

i'm on to you! i thought. i'm so on to you! -and my brain completely prepared itself to see that ugly black rat pour out of the box of cereal and into the bowl

only she didn't hide it in the cereal box.

it was when i reached into the cupboard for the bowl that the black rat shows up -for which i was completely unprepared- and so screamed at the top, bottom and from the center of each lung and nearly fainted.

i'm a very entertaining person to scare because i'm phobic. creepy crawly anythings send me into operatic seizures that can last up to 12 months; or a year.

but i think i might have scared my kids this time too. -was so terrified, they weren't sure whether to keep laughing at the success of their prank or call 911

"oh! i'll be getting you back!" i said with a tortured smile, "expect it when you least expect it!"

- and i'm one down, one to go -

paying them back in order, so jack first: ~ my story of sweet revenge, part one ~

because on many days after school we go to the meadowlark dairy for frosties. -and jack ALWAYS gets an extra small chocolate and vanilla swirl.

so a little after 2pm yesterday, i met with jesse at meadowlark, told him the pranks i fell for earlier that morning and asked would he please help me seek revenge by placing the rat into jack's frosty

and -so fun- because he was immediately game, and so were the girls, amber and kelsey -and everyone had to be in on it, because if i pulled my truck up in line and asked for a specific person that would give it all away. -had to happen just like any other day...

and i tried to give jesse a tip for helping out, but he wouldn't accept it (so you know they'll all be getting mag time frames) -anyway-

it's after 3pm, after school, and we are waiting at the library for taryn, and helps here to know that one of my missions as a mom is to have my children memorize the artist and title for every piece of public art in pleasanton

and on this day, jack knows he will get a medium frosty instead of an extra small if he can tell me the name of the sculpture and the artist for all three sculputures outside of the pleasanton library.

and nothing motivates jack more than ice cream, so, with great pride and a little anticipatory drool, he says, "girl reading by dennis smith. once upon a time by dennis smith. and, leap by taylor... no. no. -not taylor. it's -yoshio taylor!"

and i smiled REAL big, and said, "medium frosty for you!" -and rubbed my hands together in my imagination so i wouldn't give it away

and now taryn has arrived and we are off to the dairy. -and we wait patiently in line on neal street..

and i'm tryin' to act like i do any other day..

and i'm tryin' not to giggle at the thought of what would happen if they accidentally put the rat in someone else's frosty

and then, at last, our turn at the drive thru. -and it wasn't jesse, but amber, a pretty, young, blond girl with a knowing, fun smile on her face

"have you been helped?"

"not yet," i said

"what can i get for you?"

"i'll take a medium chocolate n' vanilla swirl and a bag of bbq chips" -i said, returning her knowing smile.

and she came back with the goods, and i left a little tip, and we headed on our way.

i sang along to the radio, glancing in my rearview mirror at jack in the backseat, licking away at his medium frosty, chit chatting casually with taryn in the front seat; just waiting..

"look how far i've gotten!" jack tells me. and i look back to see him showing off how fast he can eat

-and he had gotten pretty far, so i wondered if maybe they forgot to put the rat in.

and what if they did give it to the wrong person?! silent giggles

but i drove on; just waiting...

singing to the radio, chit chating with taryn..

and within about a minute,

"WHAT IS IN HERE?! EEEWWW! MOMMMMMMYYYYYY! -DID YOU PUT THE RAT IN MY FROSTY?!"


and i raised both hands in the air and hollered out, "VICTORY! FOR WRITEOUS MOM! SWEET REVENGE FOR WRITEOUS MOM!"

and he told me how at first he thought it was an oreo.. and then maybe a raisin... or a chocolate chip.. until he figured out the rat face.

and taryn was laughin' so hard -so hard-

"good one mommy!" she tells me, and gives me a high five.

and i said, "thank you. you're next."

posted by SHE @ 4:36 AM