SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com: March 2022

Only Murders In The Building.. (me love it!)

a recent recommendation from my daughter.. and spot on! God I haven't laughed so hard in a long while..

and speaking of... CH

Hyper Mortality Consciousness as remembered/experienced by (me!) ~tops

-found this icon online; love it! it's perfect "thank you!"

now, i would have lost money on this bet.. because i was certain that when i did re-read flannery's book, that this very pronounced symptom i experienced, among the variety of symptoms for PTSD, was listed and named.. but i really didn't find anything..

and i'm sure i did read it somewhere.. and i think it has a different name, but, for the time being/for this post, i'm going to describe it as hyper mortality consciousness. i'm using hyper, because hypervigilance is another symptom; so it seems to fit

the most concrete example, is when i was in my... somewhere between 19 and 21 years of age.. a strong memory: everyone was talking about going to the after Christmas sale, and buying decor, gifts, etc. at great prices, to store and enjoy for the next years Christmas.

now, what stands out for me, is not that i was hyper aware about just my own mortality; but absolutely everyone's mortality

-that has to be the most over optimistic, ignorant, stupid thing i've ever heard.. everyone could die before next years Christmas gets here.. don't you understand!?!?

and while God gives me opportunities, over and over, to learn and experience and enjoy how i've conquered PTSD symptoms, one by one.. sometimes grouped..

my mortality; our mortality.. this does remain. it does not live/exist reveal itself to the outside world, so much as it lives (as many symptoms did) like a submarine; always below; but ever present..

for all of my life, to this very day.. even though we all casually plan this or that.. and i do not say out loud, ever

'unless we die before..' or 'only if we are alive'

that track does always play in my mind. it doesn't go away, i've learned to live with..

because in fact..

none of us do know, do we. and so my dreams can include having grand children to play with one day.. far off vacation plans.. on and on, most people do plan their lives with the expectation that they will live until old age claims them,

but it is another curiosity.. and an irksome thing to me..

how we use the term 'life expectancy' i think that term is used in error; incorrectly

we should more accurately say, 'life span potential'

-there is the potential to live to.. 103.. but all humans are 'expected' to live out their full potential?

i won't do the actual research, but i am curious, to see a pie chart, for a given population

how many deaths by age group: birth - 5 years old; 6 to 10 years old; 11-15 years old..

you get the picture.

..with cancers; suicides; car accidents; homicides; drownings; over doses; wars, plagues, pandemics, natural disasters, fatal this or that..

so, my way of living with the submarine track -i say back, sometimes only internally; sometime out loud, 'God willing,' we will do this or that..

ultimately; it is true, isn't it.

/i spy my lucky number in that pix..

james 4:13- Come now, you who say, Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such city and spend a year there and carry on our business and make money. 14 Yet you do not know [the least thing] about what may happen tomorrow. What is the nature of your life? You are [really] but a wisp of vapor (a puff of smoke, a mist) that is visible for a little while and then disappears [into thin air]. 15 You ought instead to say, If the Lord is willing, we shall live and we shall do this or that [thing].

***

so, i would say, i am, at age 56, entirely free, of any/all PTSD symptoms; save this one..

but maybe, this is not a symptom after all..? rather an understanding, chronic awareness

the result of this chronic awareness is that i sure do treasure each day; each visit with family and friends; each experience in general, as it unfolds

i am able to plan for a future with the coexistent understanding it is not guaranteed.

"THIS IS THE DAY! THE LORD HAS MADE! -Glorify God's name by enjoying it!"

Psalm 118:24, with a touch of salt. Hallelujah & Amen!

"CHRISTMAS in the BLOGOSPHERE!" for (me!) ~tops

origin/pathway to & a confession:

i was watching something on tv.. can't remember exactly, but i thought to myself..

-sometimes i just get plain sick of seeing beautiful women -all airbrushed, perfect make-up and figures and clothes, on and on..

i don't want my aversion to beautiful females to be mislabeled as jealousy; i don't believe it has anything to do with jealousy

my analogy would be.. our morning walks. on our morning walks, we pass through two very distinct environments/landscapes.. one is natural and wild; the other is highly manicured and controlled

really, they are both beautiful to (me!), i guess what i really am attracted to; longing for, is variety and truth

anyway, in my youth, i would say, my exposure to beautiful women on tv, in the movies, was

well, nearly exclusive. that is to say, i only saw beautiful, perfect, well manicured and controlled versions of..

so, it was that thought (sick of seeing beautiful, perfect) that pathway'd to a very pronounced memory, also, in my youth.. (age? place? time?)

somehow, i got to see, An Angel at my Table movie /oh my goodness.. did squidmann recommend? write about?

anyway,

what i would later share is this: i could hardly pay attention to the movie itself; grasp the story itself; because for the first.. who knows.. 20 minutes to 1/2 hour, i was just so...

dumbfounded; shocked.. undone... preoccupied..

by the sight of an imperfect, natural and wild female actress (who allowed you on the big screen?) or home tv..

i literally had to acclimate to natural, wild.. imperfect, before i could get lost in the story itself.

i am so very, very HAPPY, that today.. and with youtube.. and with independent films.. alternative.. documentaries... a greater number of open-minded, creative filmmakers..

a greater population of real, wild, free, courageous, brave, keepin' it real types..

so, anyway..

i have not even gotten to THE BEST PART "CHRISTMAS!" because i took all that time, just to tell you about the cerebral pathway to:

because, speaking of milk and honey.. and, abundance.. and gifts..

i started out, 'sick of beautiful, perfect..' then remembered, An angel at my table..

then, started to research a bit on janet frame herself, and then

AND THEN!

i somehow landed on this: An Angel @ My Blog

which is, in this current moment/time, my all time new favorite rabbit hole in the blogosphere!

-the deeper i go; the more rewarded i feel..

public "thank you!" here to pamela gordon, the niece, friend and literary executor for janet frame's literary estate. and to find you... ! with a blogspot dot com address! -blogging since 2008! to present! so excited...

God Bless,

love, janet frame fan, and your fan too..

sandra harrison kay literary & mixed media artist

-Already in the Bible People... already in the Bible as read by (me!) ~tops

if you have met anyone who has read more self books than myself...

and over, and over

i am reminded, that 99.9% of the information in secular self help books 'already in the Bible'

my most recent example

in re-reading post traumatic stress disorder book

PAUSE HERE: i don't have time to create the visual, so i will write real quick:

4 books; 2 books on top, 2 books on bottom

on the top left: a Kindergarten level activity book; and next to it, on the write, a PhD level, like, quantum physics activity book

on the bottom left: a PhD level activity book, and to its write: a Kindergarten level activity book.

i would use this visual to explain/show/demonstrate

that when i first came across flannery's book, /and i remember sharing the story.. pulling it from the shelf of a book store, perusing.. falling to the floor in tears.. reading, reading..

'this is what i have!' -so excited to start some kind of understanding...

but, looking back, now

my traumatized mind/body/spirit, really, could only vaguely process and understand

-to have the privilege of re-reading this book at age 56..

wow.

i would describe myself as being ahead of; in front of; -the knowledgeable/experienced/healed teacher critically analyzing the book vs. the traumatized victim student struggling to understand..

UNPAUSE

back to my most recent example, of things in books, found already in the Bible

-look at that:

now i have no knowledge of ernest becker beyond the paragraph i read in flannery's book, so -true, i may be pulling this out of a more earnest (could'nt resist) context

but, my initial reaction was.. really?! and are you trying to pull that off as an original or novel idea?

-honey, the distinction between flesh and spirit is all over the Bible..

and then that got me thinking about several books/authors:

really.. you -YOU came up with and have identified 9 attributes..

-honey, fruits of the spirit are already in the Bible..

really.. you, -YOU discovered the law of attraction.. secrets to success.. relationship between mind and body and soul.. connection between thoughts/reality and health and well being.. power of forgiveness.. insights into the nature of good and evil.. freewill, on, and on..

-honey... honey... honey... milk and honey...

but,

-forgive me my post reading the Bible myself; i didn't arrive on this planet already knowing. and knowing in advance, the Bible might be too much to read for the majority of people i've encountered

i highly, highly recommend Joyce Meyer's little purple book, The Secret Power of Speaking God's Word.. this is so remarkably (generously!) organized and really lends itself well to cross-references..

so, -admitting with humility here, i sure didn't realize just how much The Bible is -plagiarized;

-too strong a word? appropriated? copied? borrowed from? serves as inspiration for?

or let's say, if you are in the secular world, and gain insight.. and have no idea it already is in the Bible..

so, there may be some innocence i'm neglecting to acknowledge,

but, -for me personally, -once i did realize.. once i did start cross referencing..

-milk and honey

and so, when it comes to healing, conquering, and ultimately living a victorious life

blessed to be a blessing; joy as your strength; peace as your power

rather than send you to the self help section of any given bookstore,

i would hand you Joyce Meyer's little purple book.. and in fact.. i have gifted it to many, different individuals

but here is the not so secret, secret: you have to APPLY the lessons you read.

and! there is even a scripture/passage about that:

James 1:22-25

in Jesus name, amen!

213 GARDENS idea/vision by (me!) ~tops #213 @writeousmom

i am very hopeful someone(s) will help my vision/idea manifest; become a reality: i wrote about it, initially, long ago. upshot:

there are 3 spaces side by side for people to experience

space 2: gorgeous, spectacular! colorful, amazing garden area.. but created with 100% artificial/silk, fabric, flowers, trees, plants, manufactured fragrance

space 1: gorgeous, spectacular! colorful, amazing garden -100% all real, living, flowers, trees, plants, natural fragrances

space 3: a pair of virtual reality goggles, which allow your mind to visit a 100% digital, gorgeous, spectacular! colorful, amazing garden, manufactured fragrance

meditate on what it means to be alive; and around living things.

meditate on the human instinct to create artificial replicas; clones; duplications; hybrids

meditate on how we can trick/manipulate our own minds; distinguish between mind/body

***

Wonderful Signs (san jose rose garden!) and a peek in our backyard

we gave them their public privacy.. but, wow does this rose garden inspire in couples; romance and public displays of slobbery affection..

and, in truth, i'm not sure.. how long before the miraculous and spectacular explosion of color and fragrances? days? weeks? a month?

we will be checking back to find out

but "i can still do a cartwheel!" and my sexy, "can still walk on his hands!"

i used to do just one cartwheel a year.. just to see if i could.. but it has been, maybe, 7 or more years since i tried.. -oh, something about that fresh cut grass, the gardens, the perfect climate

calling me to walk barefoot.. to give it another go

"but don't watch me, turn around.." -because wow does his stare make me self-conscious. and, my first effort was an embarrassment, i fell awkwardly to my knees.. but, i did give it another go! and, it felt like it might have actually looked like a cartwheel

i'm going to have my sexy get a video so i can see for myself, just how much of a cartwheel i am really doing.. i learned the very hard way, how i can feel internally like i'm achieving one thing, but the reality is less favorable.. and more reliable.

he wasnt sure if he could still walk on his hands.. shared how he used to do it all the time; could cross the entire gym floor on his hands. how many years since he gave that a try?

and, it took a couple efforts for him to catch his balance, but he got a good three or four hand steps in successfully. -fun! to watch..

these environments.. literally inspiring!

and it is our goal.. picnic with family/friends at the san jose rose garden in full bloom

and a return to the scene of great times visit to filoli

***

the world is filled with signs and wonders,

and filled with wonder-filled signs

see with your eyes

engage with your heart

salve for the open wound mind

****

on the spot poetry by (me!) ~tops.

***

[what i was going to write here; requires/deserves a seperate post..]

hallelujah & amen

the creative of my non-fiction (me!) sandra, tvgp

(not based on, but;) an actual event

now, a million "thank you's!" here.. for the remarkable and wonderful drone pix of our yard art.. and,

the fun surprise it was to learn, -the sound was not a collection of a hundred bees behind me as i was pruning my climbing rose, but rather.. when i turned around very cautiously, slowly.. scanned my environment, and then looked up.. "a drone! hi drone!" and i waved and smiled and called out to my sexy.. 'there is a drone visiting the neighborhood -come check it out... oh, wait.. it disappeared..'

and then heard familiar voices out front, and then.. "pops!" and i am quite fascinated with all things drone, and grateful in advance for a future in-service

but lookie there, will ya ...drone..

and only the day before, another million "thank you's!" because Karl and Valerie are fresh off an adventure to the galapagos islands, which happens to be on John's (san bruno/santa maria) bucket list, and so, we gathered together for an "encore" of our feast of saint patrick, and got to enjoy a harvest of stories, details, pictures direct from their own camera, laptop and very recent memories

but lookie there.. see the dragonfly behind karl...

[for memory storage nerds only: originally i linked -an actual event- using the words dragonfly drone in the searchbar of my blog -however! because i have also used the words dragonfly and drone in this post.. that link will bring you write back here, instead of there.. so, what i have to do, is go find a couple words unique to that post, and that post alone, in order to copy/paste a link that brings you directly to my post about the dragonfly drone, which is one of my personal short story favorites, not just for the experience itself.. but the craft i employed in the retelling]

p.s.

on the topic of cerebral hyperlinks, and the galapagos

-i have personally learned, -over and over, in fact,

that being able to stand up on two feet and walk

says absolutely nothing about whether or not a human being has spiritually evolved.

In Jesus trustworthy name, i hear a choir of amens..

Happy Saint Patricks Day! The Heart Seen.. newest batch of blessings #theheartseen @writeousmom

*******

-from squidmann & spike.. -would be impossible to pick a favorite! each one with its own brand of fun or beauty or entertainment, intrigue, pleasant surprise..

-AWESOME variety of contributions as always

Irish Blessings to both of you, me heart seen friends

"go raibh maith agat" xoxo Can't wait to see your next batch of blessings!

Spike found a nice surprise in the ice on my windshield this cold morning!

Well, I thought it was a Jackpot at first. Saw this rock on Whitehouse Creek Beach and thought I had found a rock with four hearts! Looking at the photo I just see two for sure.

Get drunk or stoned and you just might see all four!

Caught this one on a segment about Sand on Samantha Bee’s show Full Frontal. Is it a hole or a shadow? Accidental or intentional?

I Don't Heart Country Music!

My heart has a hole where you used to b-e-e-e-e! Note

A tiny paper heart on my very own kitchen floor!

Okay, both of these pics were found and photographed by Spike. Sorry for the blurriness!

Saw this in a shop. It’s not a true found heart, of course, but it looks kind of cool!

This was under my car when I parked. Let’s hope it was only something like coffee!

Here are a couple from our visit to Monterey for Spike’s birthday.

Spike found and photographed the big red one!

I Heart Raspberries!

On the trail above Poplar Beach on a sunny and warm day in February!

LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! WOW! WOW! WOW! (beach4art!)

"thank you!" deborah for sharing this with us.. what word, that means inspiration; but to the 19th power..

i could stare, and stare, and appreciate all day; every creation.. the shark! plastic monster! what a gift to the world you are,

BEACH4ART

Yellowstone, 1883, as seen by (me!) ~tops

watched/enjoyed yellowstone, but did fast-forward/close my eyes during several scenes; found some of the writing/scenes exploitive; superfluous for my personal taste..

this inspired in me.. "great opportunity for the entertainment industry!" -because you know how there are unedited/raw songs on the radio and then 'clean' versions of the same song for PG/G rated radio stations/audiences..

yes.. let's do the same with these stories.. i mean the level of acting, writing, editing, -master level

but i see an opportunity for both/all audiences to benefit from the quality of the story being told; the R+ rated audience, where the writers can stay true to their creation; but also, a softened version.. so us PG/G rated can still participate..

and look what can be done! -because 1883 was phenomenal to my personal taste.. and it did such a remarkable job unfolding dramatic, tough, based-on-real-life stories..

we were glued, scene by scene.. and never felt a void because they didn't get over graphic; exploitive, sleazy

"encore 1883!" the kind of story/characters you know must eventually have an end; but you want to stay lost in their story forever..

**** CH ****

Feast of Saint Patrick 2022 "slainte!"

"hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.. just have fun!"

SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

Monday, March 28, 2022

Only Murders In The Building.. (me love it!)

Wednesday, March 23, 2022

Hyper Mortality Consciousness as remembered/experienced by (me!) ~tops

Tuesday, March 22, 2022

"CHRISTMAS in the BLOGOSPHERE!" for (me!) ~tops

-Already in the Bible People... already in the Bible as read by (me!) ~tops

Saturday, March 19, 2022

213 GARDENS idea/vision by (me!) ~tops #213 @writeousmom

Wonderful Signs (san jose rose garden!) and a peek in our backyard

the creative of my non-fiction (me!) sandra, tvgp

Thursday, March 17, 2022

Happy Saint Patricks Day! The Heart Seen.. newest batch of blessings #theheartseen @writeousmom

I Heart Raspberries!

Wednesday, March 16, 2022

LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! WOW! WOW! WOW! (beach4art!)

Sunday, March 13, 2022

Yellowstone, 1883, as seen by (me!) ~tops

Feast of Saint Patrick 2022 "slainte!"

Saturday, March 12, 2022

God, Family & Friends, Ongoing Prayers...

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