SECRET PHEROMONE SAUCE by (me!) sandra, ttgp
i think -well, maybe not today, but by this time next week it should be safe to return to my local coffee shop -long as i keep a low profile and my mouth shut. ~honestly.
without any warning whatsoever do you know what i said?
"are you aware you are driving all the women in this area wild?"
and how is ANYONE supposed to respond to such a statement. what a horrific position to put anyone in.. i would die if anything like that came my way, and yet i give it out like who cares
and with the -THE- most innocent, completely caught off guard, slightly embarrassed, and utterly charming half smile, he says "no." -genuine and everything-
almost had to take him home.
but write or wrong, i did speak the truth. the entire clientele has shifted since his arrival.. more females.. of all ages... and then from one visit to the next.. more attractive females. each week it seems they put on a little more makeup, cuter clothes, lower cut t-shirts, pretty summer dresses. stay longer. linger.
one of my mom friends confessed to me.. she said, "sandra, i dream of pulling my car up to the corner here, opening the door.. do you think he would drive away with me?" -and then i lost her for almost a minute to a lovely day dream where i could tell /he did.
and i sent my sister over, "check this out.. everyone's going all weak in the knees," i told her. and when she came back with a cup of coffee she had no intention of drinking, she whispered to me, "thank you"
and another of my friends was only at the counter 3 seconds, but she reported back to me,
"-something very physiological just happened" -and there emerged a mysterious smile on her face.
i'm the only one who knows the truth.
because i watch charlie rose, and the discovery channel, and ted.com, and have listened to i don't know how many interviews with leading scientists and cia agents and stuff like that
i've read a lot of books.
"he's a plant," i keep telling everyone. "he's a science experiment and we are the guinea pigs.
i'm certain of it! he's tainted.. all washed in some kind of pheromones. he's bait, i'm tellin' ya.. bait."
they just laugh, like ~wild imagination sandra~ that's funny, ha ha.
but i am dead serious.
and so i watch with great fascination, and before i opened my big fat loose mouth forcing me to take immediate customer leave of absence, i found the hidden camera and looked directly at it and mouthed quietly
it's working. whatever you are doing.. it works.
and that got me to thinkin' how unfortunate it might be if someone fell for you -but only because you were wearing some secret pheromone sauce
and then what? -after its licked all gone- then what?
i'm very curious about these things..
MY FUNNY GIRL short skit by (my daugther!) and friends
preteen girls to mom: "hey, can you help us find this place on the map?"
mom to preteens: "i'll try, what place are you looking for?"
preteens to mom: "you know.. that place the stars go to all the time"
mom to preteens: "what's it called?"
preteens to mom: "rehab"
~very funny girls~
JUSTIFICATION FOR A FLAT SCREEN TV: TED.COM
for the first time, i do wish i (or the local coffee shop) had a big flat screen tv, hooked up to the internet, so i could watch ted.com, with family/friends on a great big screen. i can't get enough.
/picturing 21st century juke boxes with ted.com presentations on the menu...
this website has my attention like no other -i'm loggin' in at every leisure moment for more.
my favorite presentation so far is jill bolte, but i love them all:
christopher decharms, anna deavere smith, eve ensler, daniel dennet, amy tan, bob thurman, robert wright, vilayanur ramachandran, malcolm gladwell
it's a dream come true.
***
may is full of miracles
big and small
this is what my pen wrote during a recent automatic listening/writing session. -and i've two miracles to report so far
my neighbor.. alive w/neck brace, but here to tell the story of a recent car accident on 680.. someone cutting him off, sending his car rolling over and over.. he is participating in a type of therapy i can't recall the name of.. but it helps not only address the physical injuries, but helps release the emotional trauma also -many prayers- for everyone involved in and touched by this accident
MIRACLE TWO
i met with kathy cordova at coffee beans n' bistro around 10:15 in the morning.. after a wonderful visit (thank you kathy!) -went home, continued on with the responsibilities of the day..
3:30pm - 4 o'clockish.. went to grab my JOURNAL.. handwritten JOURNAL.. 67 out of 70 pages FILLED HANDWRITTEN JOURNAL and it was nowhere to be found
checked every drawer, closet, table top, pile of papers, laundry basket..
in the car, on the car, under the car..
and then realized that maybe i left it at the coffee shop. i bolted to the coffee shop, turning my panic into a casual stroll once inside.. trying real hard to act cool, casual.. like -hey- if i find it, great, if i don't -no big deal-
but i ask you -fellow writers and journalers- which would you rather forget at a coffee shop
your newborn or your 67 out of 70 pages filled handwritten journal? -and the thing is,
you have to stop and think about it for a minute
i mean, you can always make another baby, -write.
so -GLORY BE TO GOD- and THANKS BE to the kind man with the lap top, and anyone else who sat at the table between 11a and 4p who did not take my journal
so i could find it, exactly where i left it, and return to a normal life.
****
TWO TRUE STORIES: my favorite story -shared with me on the bleachers during my daughters softball game by a fellow mom.
her father, 86 years old, i believe (or close). stroke survivor.. at home, and recently surviving a series of smaller strokes -tia's- too. receiving home care by a nurse so many hours each day
her mom, his one and only wife of many years .. also in her 80's.. also battling age-related illnesses
but still finding a way to get to the store and shop
-for a baby monitor-
so she could secretly spy-in and listen to the conversations between her husband and the nurse during his daily bath.
i love this woman!
*****
I TRIED: my heart was in the write place. really it was. both my kids and i ... with cup and cardboard trying to capture the spider without killing it, and transport it outdoors to safety
but the damn thing was SO BIG! so CREEPY CRAWLY.. kept moving SO FAST.. those 37 GIANT LEGS
"NO GAPS! NO HOLES.. HE'LL ESCAPE! HOLD THE PAPER FLAT!!" taryn and i were yelling at jack loud and obnoxious -terrified- with one slip of his hand that spider would fly out and kill us all
so -got the attention of young boy on his way to the local middle school
"hey.. you afraid of bugs? can you help us out?"
and then we backed up. backed away. real silent.. watching as he -real casual like- slid the paper under the glass jar, lifted the spider chest high, walked out to the curb
and from that distance -his chest- he separated the glass jar from the paper, turned it upside down, shook.. and we watched as the spider fell some
87 floors worth in spiderland to the cement street.
and so i'm not so sure that went exactly as planned. -if you save a spiders life, but it's say,
paralyzed in the process. not sure how karma records that one.
i wonder these things...
like -what if it was a poinous spider?- and we save its life, not knowing, and then it goes and bites an innocent being..?..
... so many questions
and then later -dawned on jack-
"hey," he said, "you guys were yelling all loud, making me nervous, yelling and screaming when i was holding the glass jar, but when he came around, you got all quiet.. made it easy for him
that's not fair."
"you're write," i said.. "sorry about that.. "
-and i could see how his 8 year old mind was at work.. upset i'd called in another young boy to accomplish the rescue mission he was quite capable of doing if we'd only shut up for a minute and give the kid some space
let the record show -our fault- not his.
love n' thanks n' apologies -phobic mommy-
