SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com
Monday, May 31, 2021
Friday, May 28, 2021
Thursday, May 27, 2021
with love & healing prayers for vta survivors, families, all loved ones from (us!) sandra & robert #prayerart @writeousmom
#LHPart
Wednesday, May 26, 2021
Ego is to flesh; as Conscience is to spirit by (me!) ~tops
that was the very thought that popped, unannounced, uninvited, all of the sudden into my mind very recently. -12 pages here on the origins of thought, but.. i've been contemplating it ever since:
is ego to flesh, as conscience is to spirit? hmmmmm.....
New! Lancome Supermodels... us! (me! my girl! my mom!)
Monday, May 24, 2021
Sunday, May 23, 2021
Ongoing Pleasant Surprises.. for (sexy! & tops!)
Saturday, May 22, 2021
Friday, May 21, 2021
We Love Half Moon Bay (sexy! & tops!)
Wednesday, May 19, 2021
All time favorite summer salad for (me!) ~tops
mix one packet of tuna creations sweet & spicy with one can of albacore white tuna in water; mix it up real good; add fair amount of real mayo... tiny amount mustard, dill relish... mix that up real good..
open/mix/create taylor farms tangerine crunch chopped kit salad...
either one is delicious independently.. the tangerine crunch salad, -the hint of sweet/spicy tuna..
but! mix your tuna in with your tangerine crunch salad.. serve ever-so-slightly chilled..
WOW! now it's crazy good
and for our bike ride picnics.. we make this tuna recipe, put it in a fresh roll; sometimes i hollow out buns/rolls, so i can fill them with this tuna recipe.. and -
toss on a couple funyuns chips write before you eat it...
Tuesday, May 18, 2021
Monday, May 17, 2021
"i love you! doris kearns goodwin!" and "thank you!" (concord bookshop!)
Sunday, May 16, 2021
Praise God Report!! tears of joy!! for (sexy! & tops! and friendly neighbors!)
i'm spilling over to share, and can't quite type this fast enough...
-just now, only moments ago,
-neighbors that do pass our home now and again... who we know more by face/family than by name:
today,
we were in our front yard watering plants, and the daughter,
she stopped, paused, and said, "what is your name?" -and my sexy, he answered,
"Robert."
and she said, "Robert." -and then continued on her way.
and that might not seem initially like any big deal, until you learn,
-wish you could have seen how her mom, only a few steps behind, stopped in her tracks, and held her hand to her heart, and fought back tears...
and repeated, in shock really.... "she just asked you your name?" "clear words?!" and we went over the exchange a few times..
and she explained to us that her daughter is mute; and has never spoken.
-and it brings tears to my own eyes as i share this...
and we visited with this mom for a good stretch before parting ways for the day... but
that is the very definition of a Praise God experience. A miracle!
Thank You Jesus over and over and over... hallelujah & amen!
Saturday, May 15, 2021
Another Test!?!? as understood by (me!) ~tops
writeousmom memory -my children in their younger school years.. moaning on the way to school, "yuck.. we have a test today"
and very often i would respond by saying, "you're always being tested, only sometimes they tell you."
and in school, academically speaking.. there are very many tests. and save the pop quiz style, for the most part, you know about these tests in advance.. and you study/learn.. sometimes there is even a practice test... and eventually "the test"
and all of these tests are of an information nature: spelling, writing, math, history...
but for Christians, there are also an enormous amount of tests... unannounced... and life long.
-how do you act when you don't get your way?
-how well can you wait... how long? without getting a bad attitude...
-can you keep someone's personal information; -personal
-how do you treat people? treat people the world deems important? treat people the world would disregard?
-how do you handle lack? how do you handle plenty?
-how do you handle when someone else is blessed/successful -in the very areas you wish you were; but are not? how do you handle your own successes and/or failures?
-how do you handle rejection? how do you handle popularity?
-how successful can you be without forgetting how you got there? can you be in a dark place, and not lose faith?
-do you trust God? are you trustworthy?
-how quickly can you forgive? others; yourself...
-who is determining your value as human being?
-what are you allowing to influence you?
-are you clear about your motives? can you properly discern who should and should not be in your social circle?
-do you have a clear conscience? open heart?
-what/who do you care about? -how well defined are your boundaries?
-how quick can you recover from insult/injury? -exercise compassion; not pity..
-how easy are you to manipulate? -to belittle?
can you seek first to understand; then be understood?
how do you behave when no one is looking? are you pitiful or powerful?
****
that's a short list. but if you listen long enough to any Bible teacher.. you will learn, that across the board, Christians interpret all of life as a kind of ongoing spiritual/character test. And every day; decade; age; season offers new opportunities to celebrate, improve, grow...
and, when you pass a test in school.. you have sometimes understood; sometimes properly memorized without true understanding; sometimes both understood and memorized something.. but a grade is given A+ for example.
but God doesnt hand out physical report cards; it's more telepathic in nature
[is there a word, similar to telepathic, but replaces 'thoughts' with 'feelings'? or combines the two?]
how do you know when you are passing spiritual/character tests?
peace where chaos once reigned
love replaces hate
joy replaces the blahs
generosity replaces selfishness
patience replaces short-tempers
forgiveness replaces grudges
on and on... quality of your inner-person life; experienced and interpreted..
****
lots of examples in the Bible.. but, let's take a popular one: Noah's drunkeness/nakedness
one child exploited/shamed his father -shem and jephath covered/respected.
***
in this age of 'gotcha journalism' 'caughtcha social media'
isn't is fascinating how historical Bible lessons remain so relevant.
***
but write now, in our lives... Robert and I...
we both interpret our lives as existing, still! in due season.. -having passed many character tests and spiritual tests.. having survived our individual pits; wildernesses
having fought the good fight of faith..
and keeping God first forever!
we repeat almost daily, -such a big happy sigh of relief really...
we made it! we are in it! we are living inside and experiencing the promises! in the blessings!
and so we know they are true! -and, we have no expectation that life is easy/breezy from here on out
but we have acquired along the way the spiritual tools; lessons required to do exactly what Joyce Meyer teaches
enjoy everyday life! amen & amen.
wait! i agree with Joyce Meyer's teachings on the subject... she says, in God's hands, you can never really 'fail' a test. -you take it over and over until you pass...
i live this way.. in daily encounters/experiences:
another test. and internally, without a physical report card.. i know what God knows
either "i passed!" or "darn it... gonna have to take that one again."
and something positive happened inside me, when.. when i started to interpret daily challenges/obstacles/setbacks as 'adversity training'
i continue to whisper that to myself on an as-needed basis... here we go, more adversity training..
i love my life now! Thank You Jesus! amen.
Friday, May 14, 2021
Quality of Life Threatening Clogs -as considered by (me!) -tops
speaking of PlumBing...
but this is the combination which inspires this current blog post.
1. Seeing a Roto Rooter truck parked in front of our neighbors home
2. A very recent conversation with my dad, where he shared he'll be having a very thorough, in fact, the most extensive/thorough medical screening available on the market today -and, he was asking my permission really, -to share the details with me. i remember learning about these screenings on charlie rose, -remember i used to watch every. single. episode. -and there were big questions, debates going on many years ago.. i.e., "do you want to know in advance if you show strong indicators for alzheimers? how far in advance would you want to know about a disease for which there is no cure?"
-to the extent these reports pretend to know your future.. see James 4:13-
/and consider how many people we lost to the recent covid pandemic; on what report was this forecast?
-but there are no easy answers here.. to each individual; their own..
but, my immediate response to my dad's question was "yes. sure. it is only a flesh report..."
i'm about to be very blunt and candid here:
well, i'll soften it after all... but, i.e., again.. my greatest suffering came from PTSD.. there is not a screening that will let you know you are going to be kidnapped at gunpoint and raped -only screenings which may indicate conditions that will prolong or shorten the duration/intensity once you do..
let's say the young beautiful woman from Pleasanton, Kate Steinle,
let's say her father had one of these extensive screenings... let's say Kate did, in her 20's, or when she turned 30...
the flesh report can tell one person, whether or not they have indicators for alcoholism.. but there is no report to prepare the family who has their innocent family member killed by a drunk driver.
you see my point? we are flesh AND SPIRIT. i've really been able to put into perspective, to my own satisfaction, this distinction.
and i'm fascinated by how, while our physical (flesh) bodies become weaker with age.. (natural.. vs. injuries in our youth -which further makes my point), but.. at the same time, our physical bodies weaken with age.. not running as fast, not lifting the same amount of weight, not taking stairs as fast, and then not at all.. requiring walking aids.. chairs/beds that auto lift..
at the same time those things can be taking place.. our spirits can and do, become stronger. we forgive more quickly; we are not offended as easily, we can love more deeply, we can be more sensitive to beauty... wisdom, discernment, trusting ourselves; our intuition, the knowledge we have accumulated..
it is described perfectly in the Bible:
2 Corinthians 4:16
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
and i've said more than once.. who I am today, my daily activities, way of thinking, processing, living, people i surround myself with, etc., everything has much more to do with being a Christian, than any connection to past relatives/nationality/race. -dna/ancestry; flesh reports; not spirit.. and dna has earned far more credibility for me personally than ancestry once you have exposure to how easily errors occur
there are obvious benefits to medical/flesh reports, where we can use the knowledge (when accurate) to help us prevent... prepare for, manage.. or avoid... illnesses/disease/injury
but our personal value systems, moral compass, intuition, wisdom, discernment, ability to love, to forgive.. handle betrayal.. our motives...
our exposure to; understanding of; the fruits of the spirit, and ability to learn, manifest: love, peace, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control <--------- medical screening? dna? ancestory?
and i happen to see the roto rooter truck write around the same time i learned about a friend who was processing a pretty big trauma.. and i'm sure i've used the vocabulary before: spiritual plumbing.
we all need spiritual plumbing -and a type of spiritual roto rooter for yucky build up, and clogs..
and from my personal experience,
well, when your sink is clogged you know write away because the water doesnt drain.. and all is well when the water drains easily and consistently
but clogs of a spiritual nature...
blood clots; easy to identify: flesh
unforgiveness... hate... anger... fear... broken heart.. hard heart... cold heart.... these are yucky build ups of the spiritual kind.. and left untreated.. major quality-of-life clogs
those clogs prevent us from experiencing things like, love, joy, peace, patience... trust.. faith and hope
spiritual things are not x-rayable; there are no blood or urine or spit samples..
we can only know by sober assessment of our own inner-person; interpreting how we 'feel' on the inside; no doubt reflected in our daily behaviors, decisions..
and,
having healed now from multiple traumas; from PTSD.. having survived the pit; the wilderness (Biblical terms)
-if i looked on the outside, by physical/flesh appearance as good as i feel on the inside!
but,
i am 55... i see in the mirror, on the outside... wrinkles, age spots, gravity, gray hair (crown of splendor!)
-among the funniest things on aging Dr Maya Angelou ever wrote: something about how it felt like her breast were racing to see which one could get to her waist the quickest.
anyway..
it is true for me, for certain.. outwardly i am wasting away... inwardly; i am very renewed each and every day. if an x-ray could show it... you'd see head to toe gratitude; everywhere in my entire body.
i havent met a woman who doesnt wish she could look amazing all the time, forever...
but,
having had a young body, but traumatized inward...
what's going on on the inside is the more important of the two.
my spirit flows so freely; so freely! and, i can catch very early.. i can know when yucky arrives, and address it before it turns into quality-of-life threatening clog.
-and i am enormously grateful! in Jesus trustworthy name -hallelujah & amen
2 Corinthians 4: 6-
For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God's glory displayed in the face of Christ.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body.
So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
Thursday, May 13, 2021
How do you make friends? as considered by (me!) ~tops
with a smile, i'm remembering my niece ask me that very question. -just before she was about to enter middle school. "auntie sandy... how do you make friends?"
and i went a little blank. i never quite consciously considered how to make a friend; or how to be a friend. for the first many years of life it just happened; or didn't.. or did, and then ended.. and new friends were made.. and there was a kind of haphazard way friendships came and went; were born and/or died...
but at 55.. i've got a much better grip on who is, and who is not a friend; the value of the friendships i've had; do have; and have yet to make
certainly i say a prayer of a million thank you's, that at this time in my life.. having my sister as a female best friend; robert as a male best friend/lover/husband... my mom, and daughter; son, brother, father as not just family, but friends.. my family, extended family, new family and friends via falling in love with robert..
having just shared a friendship coffee date with catherine and carla... seen mary recently at my dad's birthday.. exchanging correspondence with lisa.. kathy... sue's passing... looking around at the pictures of friends i keep in my studio.. hikes and visits with john/maria; sebastian/valerie; pete/janis; new friends karl/valerie.. our neighbor friends, chris..(duke!), gopi/family, and friendly-enough-to -know-by-name neighbors; eric, eve, erika, eric, richard/nancy.. jen.. clyde.. /longer list here...
it is on my mind... friendship. especially, the friends who were close for a season... but we are no longer in contact. if we crossed paths running errands, or at an event... of course! hugs, hello's and how are you's; but no ongoing connections..
i have really come to appreciate and understand this is a common, natural occurrence; to embrace the ebb and flow of friendships; the varying depths;
i'm still trying to answer my nieces question -and here, still in unorganized/unpolished form, i'm giving it consideration..
i've said often to my children a friend is someone who will celebrate your victories with you; and help you through your setbacks..
but, friendships take so many different forms/shapes/levels
-acquaintances that never quite evolve into friendships
- strong friendships that die; and must be grieved [you will learn to let go of the pain; hold on to the lesson]
-i have friendship flames exclusively in my heart and prayers; but which i do not reach out to fan.
-special occasion friends, where we only connect during holidays, birthdays and for milestone experiences
-friends i see often; but we stay on the surface; friends i rarely see, but love so deep
the biggest piece of the friendship pie chart for me belongs to temporary friends; where our connection was primarily, or exclusively, via work, a creative goal, geographic location, mutual interest, and we swam in the same school for a while, and then drifted apart, each pulled by the current of our individual lives
the smallest slice goes to 'true' life-long friends; and a generous portion to 'new-true' friends
my analogies are far from succinct, but..
to be a friend -okay, i'm going to pause there, because one thing that will happen in life, as you grow older, is that you will start to add the word "true"
because not all friends are true friends... so i'm going to mostly discuss 'true' friends:
to be a true friend:
trustworthy. loyal. honest. kind. wise.
you will mutually magnify each others best qualities; and mutually overlook minor faults.
-someone you come to know and love, trust, appreciate.
a friend is someone who will brag about you behind your back.
respect your boundaries; keep your secrets; value you for who you are (not what you can do for them).
a friend listens with their hearts; not just their ears
you know you've made a true friend, when there is an emotional, spiritual connection even when in-person or phone visits and/or correspondence subside.
but there is the actual, practical, pragmatic nature we must also discuss
because you cannot make a friend at all, without
a. reaching out and/or
b. being receptive
so, there is a natural risk-taking element that is a necessary part of any friendship
either reaching out to say hello and introduce yourself
and/or, when someone reaches out, you respond in kind.
-being a good listener... sharing conversation.. finding something in common...
spending time together... having fun...
and i've learned at this age... i can only have so many 'true' friends, exactly because it is an investment of time and energy. and i've met people along the way that value, quantity over quality. each 'friend' is really an acquaintance; or someone they know by name; pass by in the office; or a social media 'follower'
'true' friendships will be more intimate than that.
and it has been to my great advantage, that i don't let political or religious affiliations dictate who will or wont be my friend. i can easily be friends with people of other/opposite opinions/beliefs, etc. -so it is only if the other person demands i agree with them, that friendships will terminate. often, once we learn we don't agree... we just eliminate those discussions/topics from our larger, longer conversations. i am past the age of trying to convince, persuade.. i am of the age of interest and acceptance. i sometimes treat those hot topic areas like i do favorite colors. my favorite color is green. yours is purple. they are both okay. and it turns out, there are lots of other things to talk about, and do..
i believe i have had the spectrum of friendship experiences: trying to make a friend/being rejected; someone trying to befriend me; im not interested. acquaintance turns into an amazing friend; once an amazing dear friend.. turning over time into a mere acquaintance. life long friends.. brand new friends... friends i unintentionally let down.. friends who quite intentionally dropped me.
in my own memory.. i have consciously terminated 3 friendships. all 3 at different times but for the same reasons: boundaries/values.
1 person was overly friendly/flirty with my boyfriend at the time. crossed boundaries; and had no respect values
1 person thought it was okay for parents who had sexually abused their young children to still see their children as long as they were supervised. i detested this idea. if you are in the company; in the same room with people you know are having abusive/evil/wicked/sleazy thoughts; interrupted only by a supervisor... or the thought of being caught -what a hideous position to put young, already abused children in... they need safe, caring, trustworthy, mature adults -and lots of them.
1 person revealed intentionally spreading rumors/gossip that would destroy another person(s).
and in these 3 cases that i remember, i never made a declaration, "i can no longer be your friend!" but rather, i took a mental/emotional note internally, and stopped responding to invitations to get together; and stopped initiating.. and eventually, gradually, those friendships were over.
and i have met many people over the years who seem to keep friendships with ex-boy or girlfriends, but i am not one of them. -when the relationship was over; the relationship was over. i am able to share our children's milestone celebrations with my ex-husband, and vice versa... our families can all be in the same room for Christmas, Easter, Graduations, etc. and i am very grateful. but, 'now we're just friends' -never worked for me personally.
and it is very much still a piece of writing in progress.. my understanding of how to make a 'true' friend
but i'm inspired to close with this wonderful, fun, exciting memory. -a personal favorite for obvious reasons, because, i have been blessed, favored and anointed to get to fall asleep with, and wake up write next to, and spend everyday with: my male best friend; my sexy; my robert; my 'undocumented' husband
and i will always remember our date in capitola
and! testify here:
everything in my life changed for the much, much better when i acknowledged Jesus as my invisible 'true' best friend.
in my Lord & Savior's Name -amen.
*** i forgot earlier here to mention, my rule of 3... not sure when i adopted it, but i decided somewhere along the line, that if a person was a no-show, or turned down 3 invitations to get together in a row; i just let that person go... i've never worried about the why... just appreciate that not everyone clicks, and i extra treasure the people i can count on..
additional addendum.. letting friends go.. i also remember i decided that people who only invited me somewhere with the agenda of selling me something; only when it involved money... i let those 'friends' go too.