THE DREADED DREAM POST by (me!) sandra, tvgp
my memory is imperfect, but i do think i've written nearly 600 posts without ever boring anyone by sharing some bizarre nightmare or dreami can resist no longer. last night's dream was too powerful; too real. -and i won't soon forget it
my dreams are like movies by the best producer/director's -in full color, with great casts
and last night i was at one of our neighborhood block parties -our real block parties, that my neighbor moe hosts each year. -and everyone from the neighborhood was there
the real people from my neighbor, looking like they really do -in present time.
only there was one mysterious, handsome man tucked back behind a group of people, and moe goes out of his way to introduce us
and it turns out, he's my first love.. my first true love.. michael jackson (and that really was his name). -anyway.. that was of course many, many, years ago, but michael is appearing as he would today.. in his 50's
i'm blown away.. and we smile and start to visit, and he learns about my kids, and i learn he has a daughter my daughter's age
and i learn he lives nearby.. then my mental engines start going.. and i ask, "what school does your daughter go to?"
and then i find out our children have been attending the same school for several years..
how could i not have known? how did i never see him on campus? at any of the parent functions? i just can't believe it..
but i'm so excited.. and my mental engines run some more.. and i already know in advance that i'm going to be paying more attention to my physical appearance when i pick up my kids.. anytime i'm on campus.. a little more lipstick maybe.. some cleaner/fresher clothes... brush my hair
and we visit some more.. and it is very, very pleasant..
and then it's time to go.. and i say goodbye, a little nervous.. and head across the street to my place
and he calls me back, and asks for my number, and i laugh and give him my number, and he gives me his on a little red scrap of paper
and i can't believe any of it.. that of all the people in the whole world, michael jackson would be at moe's block party. that he has a daughter. that our kids have been attending the same school for years without my knowing..
and i woke up looking for that damn scrap of red paper
only in real life
michael's no longer with us. victim of bi-polar disorder. committed suicide many years ago.
posted by SHE @ 10:41 AM
6 Comments:
Oh bbf!! Your ending left me with chills. I was about to ask if you have ever looked Michael up. Untreated bi-polar is truly frightening, those manic ups and downs or just the downs, if that's the kind you have. Was he being treated?
Michael is in a better place now. Rest in peace, Michael, and I hope YOU have better dreams my friend.
Oh wow! How well written, the summary of your dream. Such emotion and so many unknowns! I'm so sorry to hear of his death and the tragic cause. Depression can tear us apart, but it's something everyone faces to some extent or another. Personally, I believe it's yet another glimpse into the fact that sin is a very real thing - that such wonderful people can suffer such a debilitating mental experience, despite their wonderful qualities, and believe the lies about themselves.
Much like the crazy talking snake that convinced Eve to eat the apple. What a bitch! haha Kidding, but seriously - It's a sad truth that we tend to eat the apple.
I pray blessings on Michael and his family, and hope that in the sweet dream you had, you will see the hope and have felt his presence. It sounds very vivid.
Wow... I wonder why he wrote it on a red scrap of paper :)
Love to you, oh dreamer of dreams.
Hawley
kmg/bbf: thank you.. it's been many, many years..
they know more now, but it is suspected that the medicines he was taking at the time.. which had recently been adjusted.. were counterproductive -experimenting with doses.. but didn't work.
and the dream itself was so pleasant.. it was the waking to reality that was no fun
mostly i like dreams.
and sweet ones are wished for you!
mbh: thank you.. on the whole, great progress has been made in the area of mental illnesses, and today.. medicines are to credit for giving back quality lives to countless people
for saving so many lives. i'm thrilled to witness this progress
i'm not certain i put sin and illness in the same category.. but i understand the truth behind what you say..
and yes, yes.. it was a very sweet dream and i enjoyed the feeling of his best presense
and i'm very curious too.. about the red scrap of paper
red appears often in my dreams in one way or another
love all around and sweet dreams ~s.
oh oh! I guess I expressed my thought unclearly. I mean to say that sin, in my book anyway, seems to be the source of those terrible things in life like illnesses. Not that one is ill because of sin, but rather, that because sin exists, life is limited and fragile. Often easily and painly disrupted or injured.
I believe that everyone wishes life were more perfect, filled with joy; but that the reality of life is often a very painful agonizing thing. And it wasn't created to be that way. "We were meant to live for so much more" - Switchfoot
I don't know if that clarifies, but I think depression and other imbalances/illnesses/mental-challenges are some of the most brutal and heart-wrenching of things.
My brother at one time (a long story short) thought of taking his life, and when I learned about that after the fact, I was devastated. Life is not as it should be, much of the time.
... but we have hope. And hey, maybe with Obama as President, we'll have a slightly better lease on America :)
Anyways, Love you, Sandra!
-MBH
mbh: great thoughts/quotes to read..
i've had three episodes like your brother -but we are both still here
i credit faith, God answering my prayers
for him?
if you live long enough, passionately enough.. life will put you on your knees
begging; praying..
& survivors who make it through..
tender, grateful hearts
and i believe those who surrender completely, survive also, in a different place; different way
i love you mrs. beautiful hawley! ~s.
Originally post 11/08/2008.
Post a Comment
<< Home