SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

THE SPIDER SCREAM by (me!) sandra, tvgp

so, july, i moved in with my sister

and i'm very grateful for her help... for her company. her friendship/support.... etc.

i've mentioned before, we were roommates for some 8+ years before accidentally falling in love and getting temporarily married

so we know each other well

we know, for example, that we each have PTSD symptoms still; to this day.

mainly hypervigilance and startle response.

in layman terms, that means we jump easily at the slightest surprise sound

and dare i say, my sister's startle response is triggered even easier than my own.

-if a baloon pops at a birthday party happening 3 houses down the street

she'll jump.

we do not criticize or judge each other harshly -we just know and understand and respect each other's sensitivity

so from the first day i moved in..

we have expressed this understanding about each other several times

if i am coming up the stairs, for example, and i think she cannot hear me.. rather than just scare the shit out of her with my surprise appearance

i holler out from the bottom stair.. "just me.. on my way up"

and if she is turning a corner, and knows i haven't heard, and i'm not expecting her

she will always give me fair warning.. "just me.. i'm coming around the corner"

we have a sister/roommate code. it is nothing we had to sit down and discuss or make rules for

it happened quite naturally. out of love and respect and understanding.

this brings me then to the spider scream.


-and this is also a true story.


not too long ago, i was taking a shower. -people who know me, know i have a slight spider phobia

so, of course! what do i see -but a spider.

in the shower. -running toward me.

to my utter and complete surprise, i do not scream write away.

instead.. my brain did a little thinking dance. a very fast thinking dance

i know that my sister, niece and nephew are downstairs..

... but i don't want them to think i fell down and broke a limb

i don't want them to think someone is breaking in through the bathroom window...

i need a way... a way to scream and get help.. but without misleading them as to the severity..

it's just a spider

just a spider

and out of my mouth.. without consciously planning it:


"I YI! YI! YI! YI! YI,! YI! YI! YI! YI! YI! YI!" like an indian warrior (i-y~eye.. i y~eye)

and sure enough, my sister came running

so quickly, easily.. she filled a cup with water and washed that spider down the drain.

"thank you! thank you! you are my hero!"


-and i took the rest of my shower in peace and confidence and gratitude.

after i dressed again, i went down and talked some more about it to my niece and nephew

"that's my new spider scream," i said with a smile.

"so, if i scream like this: ( loud, panicked scream ) -that means i fell and might of broke something

and if i scream like this: (louder, more panicked scream) -that means someone is breaking in.

but if i scream like this: (i-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-!) -that; is my spider scream. -it's just a spider scream"


-and the whole thing was so fascinating to me.. how my brain reacted; so primal.

this spontaneous spider scream. it made me wonder about indian chants..

and secret verbal codes

war communications.. and how lucky i am, to have a sister and family that understands.

posted by SHE @ 3:52 PM