"..NOT EVEN JESUS WAS RAPED!". By (me!) Sandra, tvgp
This is a new post, inspired by the re-release of the older post about the peanut butter and my sister... Because that one starts out with me confessing my longing to describe just how ...place every synonym for traumatic here... PTSD is. that triggered the memory of my longing to describe just how ...place every synonym for evil here... Rape is. Like, nothing I ever hear people say about it, or read about it.. Including myself, by the way... No one ever seems to capture the level of severity. How deep the trauma... But I feel like I came closer when I was watchin' a tv show.. In fact, a church tv program.. And the host of the tv show, she was talking to three or four guests who had each survived a traumatic event of one kind or another...one woman had lost her son from a gang related gun fight... And the host talked about how Holy Mother Mary lost her son Jesus to murderers... And another Guest had been severly bullied.. And the host talked about how Jesus was mocked and bullied.. And another guest suffered from a betrayal... And the host talked about how Jesus had been betrayed. On and on... And she explained, the host did, how there is nothing we can suffer that Jesus didn't suffer first... And I went up to the tv and with a whole body full of self-contained rage, i said, "oh yeah? Well, let me tell you something mrs church lady... NOT EVEN JESUS WAS RAPED!"
posted by SHE @ 11:21 PM
3 Comments:
"carry THAT cross!". -dedicated to all my fellow sister and brother survivors.
I am being called now -by God- in a clearer and stronger way. To go directly help rape victims.
It is EXACTLY! As Joyce Meyer describes... "when you think you're ready, you're probably not (volunteering for tri valley haven for example) and if you don't feel ready (which I don't) you probably are"
It won't be like I wake up tomorrow and get started, but it will happen soon... Whatever "it" is...
First! I will have three tiny hearts tattooed on my face near my courage tatoo. One for each kidnapping and rape I've survived.
And I've said it before.. Will say it again. " we come to earth with instructions: what you love to do instructs you on what you are here to do. And what suffering you endure instructs you on who you are here to help."
Suffering is as much a spiritual law as love. It is applicable to all of humanity... No one gets left out.
You will suffer.
You WILL suffer.
If you suffer in Jesus' name,
Then it goes like this:
You suffer; you heal; you help.
See Isaiah 53 for details...
...and by his wounds we are healed...
And then it becomes your turn: ...by your wounds you will go heal others....
So let me add that crucial component on for my children:
You need God, and a sense of humor AND... A good cause; to help people...
"look around children! -there is no shortage of work here! No shortage of people or animals or noble causes... I don't care who you help... Or what cause you aid... But help people somewhere... Do something!"
And realize that for all the ages... But especially in this time of such high unemployment... If you work for God... You will ALWAYS HAVE A JOB!
Love, love, love you! Amen.
And guess what else?! ... My son was recently joke telling... He said, "what's a rapists favorite kinda shoe?"
I said, "I have no idea? What?"
He said, " white vans."
And I genuinely laughed "that's a good one!"
There was a time when that was far from funny. Then a time of fake, courtesy laughter... And now
The real deal.
Laughter is to healing as God is to love.
Amen.
I needed this, hon, particularly the part about the unemployment. I had to resign from teaching at the jail because of the PTSD which has been showing its ugly face again. I was at the jail for about two years and loved it. I miss my students, as odd as that sounds. They are human beings who've got a lot more damage than I do. Problem is, the guilty ones passed on their pain. People like us do something different with our pain. But it's never too late for any of us to do good in the world, no matter where we are, even if it's in jail (and let's face it--PTSD is a kind of jail).
I had a student say to me more than once, "Thank you for believing in us, Mrs. G." He wasn't expecting me to believe him about the charges (that's no-no territory in terms of discussion). He was just grateful someone believed IN him, that someone actually acknowledged his potential and his worth as a human being. We all need someone to believe in us. I'm alive because people believed in me and for that, I, too, am grateful.
I've got plenty of causes and do TONS of volunteering already, but not plenty of job ops or sources of income. That is to say, my life is meaningful and I am blessed, but we need me to be earning money. Disabilities and family stress are also getting in the way.
BTW, I don't get the white van thing. I always associated white vans with the DC Sniper. It was a pretty big deal around here about ten years ago. Everyone was avoiding white vans and it turns out, the shooters weren't even driving a white van. Now every time I see a white van, that's what I think of--except white vans don't scare me. I was never hurt by someone in a white van. But it does show how easily associations get into our minds.
I can't go back to the jail again because now I associate the jail with PTSD (unfortunately sparked by a small incident with a flirtatious, desperate, sick student). But now, I'm starting to associate cops and sirens with PTSD. See what happens? One thing leads to another, especially with people who have PTSD and ADHD.
Please take pics of your tats. I want to see them. I admire you and am grateful for you.
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