THE PEPSI EXPLOSION by (me!) sandra, ttgp
there is a scene missing from my life story. an important scene. the pepsi explosion.
it is missing, because at the time, when my pepsi explosion would have been relevant, powerful, timely and completely justified (and even funny)
so many thoughts raced through my head at once, no words came out at all.
i remedy that here today.
goes like this: i'm being yelled at again. i'm being yelled at because i'm wasting pepsi. i open the can, take those first few ice cold, crispy, wonderful, bubbly sips, and then have no interest in the drink after that; go on to other things.
as a result, 3/4 of the pepsi goes down the drain before the can is recycled. a terrible waste!
high crime, wasting pepsi. and there are a few options to consider to avoid punishment for this high crime. not having pepsi in the house. that's one. -drinking the entire pepsi if you open it. that's another. -pouring out any left over pepsi when no one is looking, so it appears as if you drank the entire pepsi..
but i've opted for this one: taking those first few ice cold, crispy, wonderful, bubbly sips, and then pouring out the rest before i recycle the can.
i waste money. i waste money and pepsi. what's a six pack of pepsi cost anyway?
i said,
"what does a six fucking pack of pepsi cost?" (go to refrigerator and put remaining pepsi's on the counter)
correction (go to refrigerator, jerk door open, grab pepsi from shelf all huffy, slam refrigerator door shut, slam collection of pepsi cans from costco on counter. make mean face and direct eye contact)
"i got good grades in school.. i got good grades.. good grades despite coming home to what i had to come home to
i got good grades despite the asshole at home, despite the gangs on campus..
and i went to college.. i went to jr college.. paralyzed with post trauma from back to back kidnappings and rapes.. i still went to jr college.. and despite the fact i'm retarded with numbers, i took math class after math class, got a tutor, kept on.. and i graduated from jr college
i got my aa
i went to university.. paralyzed with post trauma from back to back kidnappings and rapes.. i still went to university.. and despite the fact i'm retarded with public speaking, i took class after class, practiced, practiced, kept on.. and i graduated from university
i got my ba
everyone wanted me to graduate.. and to quit smoking
i quit smoking
i graduated and quit smoking
and despite the asshole at home, the gangs at school, my post trauma from back to back kidnappings and rapes.. a bankrobbery.. and several other crisises i'm too tired to mention
i graduated from college with a b.a. and quit smoking
i got a job. and despite sucky, controlling bosses.. i kept my jobs and paid my bills
i am a good person! do you hear me? i am a good person!
i do not steal
i do not take drugs
i do not use people
i am mostly honest
i try my best,"
but stop trying to make me fucking perfect!" (and here is where i open a pepsi can, take one big gulp and then pour out the rest)
"so what if my one big vice is that i don't drink an entire pepsi when i open it!
who (open next pepsi, take gulp, pour out the rest) fucking cares!
let me have this vice! (open three pepsi's.. one big gulp from each one.. pour out the rest)
it's not fucking cocaine or heroine now is it?!?
it's not a cigarette
and it's not alcohol
I WILL WASTE PEPSI IF I WANT TO! (and then i start throwing the pepsi cans.. at him. at the sliding glass door. in every direction)
WHY!? WHY!? HONEST TO FUCKING GOD! HOW CAN YOU .. HOW IS IT THAT YOU FIND A WAY TO LOOK PAST EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS AND FOCUS ALL YOUR ATTENTION ON THIS ONE SMALL, FUCKING, RELATIVELY INNOCENT FLAW?!?
SCREW YOU! AND YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU WHAT THIS SIX PACK OF PEPSI COST YOU -IT JUST COST YOU YOUR MARRIAGE
(walk out front door, leaving pepsi explosion behind, never come back).
and my message to the world is this: do not correct yourself , or let others correct you to death.
~sandra, ttgp
p.s. tried that too. i buy now, the mini pepsi cans, 8 oz instead of 12oz.. still only drink about 2oz and throw the rest away
my rebel seed doesn't necessarily distinguish between vice or virtue; just rebels.
posted by SHE @ 8:35 AM
7 Comments:
WOOOOO HOOOOOO! You go girl!!! Drink that sip and spit the rest out!
And if you hit someone in the face with it, well, maybe they will learn to stand at a little more distance next time, won't they?
kmg/bbf: -feels sooo good to be supported
thanks friend! i love you! ~s.
You're my hero!
And I envision Angelina Jolie playing you in the movie version of your life. I can just see her in this scene!
dd: thank you! i love you!
and, oh! what i wouldn't give for even just one pinky's fingernail worth of that woman's strength of character!
empowering exercise... what would angelina do?
I prefer Diet Coke, and when questioned, why I only drink half of it, I reply I am an adult; I can do whatever the hell I want. I think your response is better.
8": "i'm an adult.."
-now why didn't i think of that?
toasting to you w/warm half pepsi
"cheers!"
Original post 06/28/2008. -relationship has long been repaired.
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