HUMOR PROSE FROM THE 1994 ARCHIVES by (me!) sandra kersting
in 1994 my name was sandra kersting, and the college i attended was named cal state hayward. we've both changed names since then
but i think the campus newspaper's name remains the same: the pioneer.
here i retype an article i wrote for the pioneer in 1994 -it will be included in our upcoming 'diapers to diapers' exhibit
and worth noting, that another thing that has changed is my take on control-top panty hose. - i've ripped, torn, cut several pair of control top pantyhose to create the mixed-media art (& mixed~message) i will also have on display in our exhibit
it's so much fun!
***** ***** *****
FALLING INTO THE CRACKS
First I heard it on the news, then I read it in the paper. Pantyhose are out and underwear is back in. Yeah, back in the crack of your butt, if you ask me.
The men I've talked to are thrilled, and most women equally delighted that the hosiery market is declining.
As for the men. I can understand. My fiance has been trying to separate me from my pantyhose for years. While this is a welcome effort on certain occasions (wink, wink), more often than not, I refuse to give up my control-top ways.
I'll admit that for men, removing a pair of pantyhose from a woman's body is far more difficult and less sexy than removing a pair of bikini underwear. But for men who enjoy a sexual challenge nothing beats tryint to romantically remove a pair of size-A pantyhose from a size-B body.
As for the women who are pleased to make the switch from a smooth, shapely buttocks to a underwear-lines-are-showing-half-way-up-your-butt look, well, I am surprised.
Don't you remember the UnderAll commercials? You know, "Help Keep America Beautiful." I thought we made a commitment.
I love pantyhose.
A nice pair of silky, snug, reinforced-toe, control-top pantyhose is refuge for women who just can't get to the gym on a regular basis.
Pantyhose keep out-of-shape thighs from jiggling, rear-ends from sagging, and tummies from bulging. Not to mention that pantyhose do not go slipping into undesirable places.
Who cares if they run, they're hot, or they cost too much when you can get all that.
If I could, I would wear pantyhose everyday. But since it's a huge fashion don't-you-dare to wear pantyhose with shorts or a swimsuit, I force myself to make the sacrifice during summer.
Yes, once again this summer I will reveal my flaws and my poor attendance record at the gym while I routinely practice how discretely pull my darling cotton panties out of dark, forbidden places.
Or I could be brave this summer and join in on the "thong solution." Thong underwear heroically saves a woman from having to dig her panties out from the crack of her butt by designing them to belong there in the first place. How clever.
You butt-er be in shape though. If you're not, consider this whole goodbye-to-pantyhose thing a call to war. Backlash revisited. The fashion industry forcing us to purchase underclothes that only a supermodel could wear with any dignity.
Beware I say.
Next thing you know support bras will be out and pasties in.
but i think the campus newspaper's name remains the same: the pioneer.
here i retype an article i wrote for the pioneer in 1994 -it will be included in our upcoming 'diapers to diapers' exhibit
and worth noting, that another thing that has changed is my take on control-top panty hose. - i've ripped, torn, cut several pair of control top pantyhose to create the mixed-media art (& mixed~message) i will also have on display in our exhibit
it's so much fun!
***** ***** *****
FALLING INTO THE CRACKS
First I heard it on the news, then I read it in the paper. Pantyhose are out and underwear is back in. Yeah, back in the crack of your butt, if you ask me.
The men I've talked to are thrilled, and most women equally delighted that the hosiery market is declining.
As for the men. I can understand. My fiance has been trying to separate me from my pantyhose for years. While this is a welcome effort on certain occasions (wink, wink), more often than not, I refuse to give up my control-top ways.
I'll admit that for men, removing a pair of pantyhose from a woman's body is far more difficult and less sexy than removing a pair of bikini underwear. But for men who enjoy a sexual challenge nothing beats tryint to romantically remove a pair of size-A pantyhose from a size-B body.
As for the women who are pleased to make the switch from a smooth, shapely buttocks to a underwear-lines-are-showing-half-way-up-your-butt look, well, I am surprised.
Don't you remember the UnderAll commercials? You know, "Help Keep America Beautiful." I thought we made a commitment.
I love pantyhose.
A nice pair of silky, snug, reinforced-toe, control-top pantyhose is refuge for women who just can't get to the gym on a regular basis.
Pantyhose keep out-of-shape thighs from jiggling, rear-ends from sagging, and tummies from bulging. Not to mention that pantyhose do not go slipping into undesirable places.
Who cares if they run, they're hot, or they cost too much when you can get all that.
If I could, I would wear pantyhose everyday. But since it's a huge fashion don't-you-dare to wear pantyhose with shorts or a swimsuit, I force myself to make the sacrifice during summer.
Yes, once again this summer I will reveal my flaws and my poor attendance record at the gym while I routinely practice how discretely pull my darling cotton panties out of dark, forbidden places.
Or I could be brave this summer and join in on the "thong solution." Thong underwear heroically saves a woman from having to dig her panties out from the crack of her butt by designing them to belong there in the first place. How clever.
You butt-er be in shape though. If you're not, consider this whole goodbye-to-pantyhose thing a call to war. Backlash revisited. The fashion industry forcing us to purchase underclothes that only a supermodel could wear with any dignity.
Beware I say.
Next thing you know support bras will be out and pasties in.
Sandra Kersting was a staff writer for The Pioneer.
posted by SHE @ 9:47 AM
4 Comments:
absoulutely love it! on point...as always...and so funny! makes my heart sing with joy when i read your blogs. sure would be fun to have a Pioneer newspaper from back then...but, i'm so glad you kept the clipping...definately a keeper! ;)
love you and miss you! let's get together this week if we can...what's your schedule like? let me know, okay? give my love to everyone :)
sue~sue: thank you! -and can't wait to see you, hear about your trip to boston, catch up on life in general. hoping i'll see you at our exhibit on the 22nd.. love! ~s.
random memory -of my journalism professor cedrick
one of the professors i admired/respected at cal state hayward
seems like i remember him reading this and double checking with me
"this is pretty personal, are you sure you want it to go to print?"
and seems like i remember saying "yes" -and then wondering
"what's personal about it?"
Original post 05/13/2010
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