Friday, January 13, 2017

VICTIM BLAMING as seen/read/understood by (me!) sandra, tvgp


not sure who coined the phrase/term, victim blaming, but the only time I read about it, or hear about it, is in relation to sexual assault/rape victims.

so, somehow,  -quite unconsciously, irrelevant/unnecessary/unjustifiable questions get posed to a rape victim/survivor

like,  -what were you wearing?  why were you even there at that hour? what did you have to drink? and I could go on and on, but these conversations have played out a million times already,

and I'm pretty confident, mature/evolved people of both and all genders, arrive at the conclusion, that they didn't even realize they were victim blaming, until it was brought to their attention,

and most people agree..  and arrive at the conclusion that you want to put ALL OF THE BLAME,  -WHERE IT BELONGS
   -which is on the evil rapist and not on the human being that was raped.   


but what feels worth pointing out   -one last time, is that,

victim blaming is written into our current laws.    and for this reason, we want to look closer at

where victim blaming and personal responsibility may in fact overlap:

so, pay attention:

write now, as it stands, not in matters of sexual assault or rape, but in matters of having your car broken into:

   -if your car is broken into, and your car was locked,   -felony.

   -if your car is broken into, but you left it unlocked,   -misdemeanor.

this has always; and continues to fascinate me.   and I believe the value of what is stolen, factors in also..


the point:   is not that a very similar thing; is that not also a form of victim blaming.

"he stole my laptop, my stereo system! my wallet...!"

"well, ...  was your car locked?"

because..   stealing is stealing is stealing to me...   and ALL THE BLAME should go on to the person who did the stealing

and we should not BLAME the person who may have, in a hurry, with lots on their mind, may have forgotten to lock their car doors

and we should not reward any type of stealing    -because it was easier  (?!?)

but the ways our laws are written,  -each citizen has a responsibility:

to lock your doors.
to get an alarm for your home/office.

and the consequences for thieves are less severe the less they have to work at stealing from you; and more severe if they have to work harder at it..

is everyone comfortable with this?


now,   -cant put any blame on me, at six years old..  when a masked man broke into our home..

   /but curve ball here;    -the lock was broken.

can't put any blame on me, when at 17, a serial rapist, came up from behind and shoved a gun in my head

/but I was in fact asked all the typical questions..

 -can you blame me.. at 16,  when a rapist lied about age, name, place of birth, occupation, and had plotted all along to kidnap..       -can you blame me, when I learned he had kidnapped/raped and used all the same maneuvers, modes of operation, on two young girls prior to me who opted out of going to court and prosecuting? 

my contribution was being young, na├»ve and stupid and vulnerable.   so, I am very happy we successfully prosecuted and he was sentenced to 20 years!

the upshot,

is that I believe we should each stay in the practice of locking our car doors and windows, and being aware of our surroundings, etc., etc.

but as far as blame goes..      it should always go to the person committing the crime; the criminal.

   -for committing the crime.   and I'm not sold on the idea that we reward criminals according to how easy or difficult their criminal action was; and punish and/or blame innocent, law abiding citizens for naivety or forgetfulness or vulnerability

I'm thinking here of children, youth, and the elderly..


it is a dangerous world


on the subject of crimes/criminals/danger:   I had to change the pin on my Verizon account.. and wonderful customer service during the process..

but, "identity theft"     -and, I just laugh, pray, and smile, and pray..     to consider how much I share here on my blog

   -how dangerous.

there is no getting around that fact.    -but, deep, deep, deep in my heart, soul, psyche

if you want to understand why I take the risk

it is because all of the crimes I mentioned above that I have survived

I survived them BEFORE the internet, blogosphere, identify theft..

I could have so easily, and on numerous occasions been killed   -and not a soul reading this write now, would even know I ever existed..

so, there is no relationship for me..   the one people speak of

     -don't put yourself out there = staying safe.
In Jesus knows sufferings and resurrections' name...     amen.


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