STRONGER NOW by (me!) sandra, tvgp
i do not hold grudges. i mean for the most part, i really don't. i fly pretty free on a day to day basis from any anger, resentment, or negative feelings in general.and i don't mean that i temper, hide, shove, stuff or ignore these feelings. i literally don't experience them. nearly everything has been processed; to death!
but i do have this one stubborn thing remaining.. and it sits on a fence. on one side are altruistic, compassionate motivations for "my move" -my upcoming political posturing
my statement to the world (or less dramatically.. to pleasanton. the tri valley).
and on the other side is a kind of "i'll show you" motivation with an uglier attachment.
the origin is the cover of the pleasanton weekly some time ago. vol. IX, number 24, july 11, 2008, to be exact
and i can be exact because i have it on my lap write now.
"stronger now" the headline reads. with a subtitle reading: " gymnasts reflect on molestation by gym owner, their foundation to help other victims of abuse."
and from the get go my heart went out to these two brave, courageous, young she-roes, and my gratitude went out to the pleasanton weekly for how compassionate/professionally they covered this story.
and what got me all upset was not the cover, or the story, but one woman's letter to the editor in response to the cover and the story. -she thought molestation was so inappropriate for a cover story, and was ashamed/embarrassed to have her kids see it, or any guests that might be visiting -like the whole thing brought down pleasanton's reputation
and my response is already documented somewhere in the archives here, so no need to repeat
what is not documented is how i took that particular issue of the pleasanton weekly and put it in a special place. a keeper file.
one day.. i thought to myself... i will travel somewhere.. somewhere.. i don't know where..
and i will take this issue with me
i will hold it up with great pride and have my picture taken holding it. AND -i will send it in for inclusion in the "take us with you" section of the pleasanton weekly
and part of my motivation is to honor/celebrate these survivors, and part of my motivation is to re-stick it to this woman who wrote that letter.
that's not very nice, now is it. but it's true.
and it's been sitting on a shelf just waiting.. this pleasanton weekly from july 11 2008.
but where will i ever go? i really don't travel much.
at all, really. i'm pretty much a tri valley girl.
and sometimes i wondered if i took my picture with it, and i was only as far away, as say,
san francisco. -would the pleasanton weekly include it, when everyone else has traveled to greece, or florida, or india, or paris ( i've seen some from san diego/disneyland)
i don't know. maybe someday i will travel again..
and if i ever do.. (i look at the paper on the shelf) -you're comin' with me.
WELL!
turns out.. I WILL BE TRAVELING THIS YEAR!
that i have actual and legitimate cause for getting a passport! -and not only will i be getting a passport
but (God willing) it will actually have a stamp in it!
and so i've been looking every now and then at the cover of this july 2008 issue of pleasanton weekly
smiling at the girls on the cover.
guess where we're going.. i think to them
but the rest is a surprise.
-and i'm not really at ease with any negative, ugly, "stick it" to someone feelings going on inside me. it's not good. and so reminding myself also, that the woman did not have ill-intentions when writing her letter to the editor. i'm certain she did not. i'm 100% convinced she had no intention for aiding predators in any way, and only did so out of a innocent and sincere ignorance.
and many people -good, intelligent, otherwise kind and contributing citizens- share her innocent and sincere ignorance, which means only
that the work to educate must continue.
posted by SHE @ 7:22 PM
5 Comments:
It could also be that she was molested and the article made her confront it for the first time or once again.
Really, her children should learn what molestation is. If they don't learn it at home, they will learn it at school or from their friends. Better to learn these things from parents, I think.
My barefoot-blogger-friend, it's annoying and sometimes infuriating to read letters and blogs and other things that display what we perceive as ignorant and hurtful. I don't blame you at all for wanting to tell her where to go! I don't think that makes you vindictive or hold a grudge. I think it means you have righteous anger over people who want to dismiss what you and millions of others have experienced.
It happens to me all the time. But here's one thing I do: When I'm getting too pissed off or depressed because of what I am reading, I just don't read it. If it bugs me needlessly, I don't put myself through that. "It's their issue."
But when you get on the cover of a magazine, it will be YOUR issue-and what an issue of that mag it will be!!
So glad you are traveling. I'm jealous. But you deserve the fun AND the recognition for being such an inspiration to all of us who have had horrible experiences in life.
You once wrote something that has stuck with me ever since: sometimes, you have to re-say and re-process these things until you become comfortable talking and thinking about them. Every time I start thinking about that stuff and beat myself up for doing it, I remember those words and remember it's okay. I'm not flipping out. I'm just saying it until I'm comfortable saying it. I might have to do that for the rest of my life, but that doesn't mean I hold a grudge.
You better tell us which mag you end up in because I want a copy!!!
Sorry that post was so long, but you got me thinking!
kmg/bbf: your comments are an elixir for me this morning. thank you!
and funny, but your reminding me that i reminded you
reminds me. again.
it is very important to honor thoughts/feelings when and as they come vs. chasing away or judging them
processing and reprocessing until
-at least in my experience- they really go away, and are replaced with new and healthy and productive ones.
and thank you! most of my life is experienced within a 10 mile radius in any given direction, so i'm excited to break out a little
and you can bet that when my picture with this cover is included in our local paper, i'll be posting it here to share with you
and lastly.. no such thing as comments being too long
or too short for that matter.
i like to remind people that in the blogosphere you get to say whatever you need to say in however many words it takes to say it
(i hear john mayer..)
love, peace, laughter and healing to you bbf! ~s.
Original post 03/07/2009
WOW. Thank you for posting this again, bbf! Your words and my words were exactly what I needed to read...again.
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