SHE-ROES OF PLEASANTON by (me!) sandra, ttgp
i respond here to a woman's comments i read today in the pleasanton weekly, in the "letters to the editor" section.
her letter opens as follows:
i don't get it. we live here in this beautiful community with so much good going on and all you can slap on the cover of our small town community newspaper is a molestation story, ("Stronger Now," cover story, page 8, july 11)
i've been uneasy in spirit since reading that article myself; but not for the same reasons as the woman above. AND for the same reasons as the woman above.
i want to speak first to the stronger now article itself. the cover story. the pleasanton she-roes story.
as i read this story on july 11th, i felt first.. ENORMOUSLY PROUD OF THESE GIRLS for speaking out. to say it takes courage is quite an understatement. as we see from the woman's letter above; disincentive is abundant.
people don't want their lives interrupted with problems of this ugly, sexual nature.
and as i know from my own experience: people REALLY DO NOT WANT TO KNOW if you have been assaulted sexually; it makes them VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. they will distance themselves from you -as if you were the criminal. your entire lifestyle/social circle of support is at risk
and you'd think, it being 2008, we might have progressed past this; but i can promise you, we have not.
so to consider what enormous risks these girls took.. in not only reporting the crime -which is a huge, brave, amazing, miraculous accomplishment in and of itself, but to see in the pleasanton weekly that they went several extra brave steps beyond that by
SHARING THEIR STORY PUBLICALLY. i wanted to drive write to their individual homes and hug them, and praise them, and thank them.. bless them and shower them with gifts of gratitude
because i know
and i mean I KNOW. i am not guessing. i know
this act of bravery and courage HAS ALREADY PREVENTED SIMILAR CRIMES FROM HAPPENING - and will contribute beyond measure in PREVENTING CRIMES OF THIS NATURE IN THE FUTURE
as a result of their willingness to share their story publically, and as a result of the pleasanton weekly's willingness to publish it -and as the cover story-
WE WILL HAVE FEWER VICTIMS. and please repeat that out loud ten times.
these girls have prevented crimes and saved souls -they won't necessarily know which ones; or how many. (although i understand letters of gratitude are already pouring in) but these girls, in their sharing, did two great and very she-roic things
1) helped create an atomosphere where other victims will speak out and report. which,
2) helps PREVENT future victims.
allow me here to drive the point home with my own experience. it is no secret that i am a survivor of sexual assault and violence having been kidnapped and raped at 6 years old, 16 years old, and again at 17 years old.
i will keep here only to what is relevant for the point i want to make. in the case when i was 16 years old, this rape COULD HAVE BEEN PREVENTED BUT WAS NOT because two girls before me reported the crime but would not prosecute. -rapist; free to go and claim new victims.
and who knows how many did not report before those two.
i have only compassion and absolutely no anger, bittnerness or upset toward these girls.. it was many years ago and the cost for speaking out was too high.
-as a direct result of the cost being too high for victims to speak out, guess what..
MORE VICTIMS. -myself among them. but i did speak out. we did prosecute; successfully. and somewhere in my mind and soul, i know i helped spare others -we helped spare others: my family/friends, the police, the d.a., the justice system (flawed as it is).
think of that: TELLING, REPORTING, SHARING, -SPARES VICTIMS & SAVES LIVES!-
these girls are HEROES or as Dr. Maya Angelou would say, SHE-ROES.
in this letter to the editor in pleasanton weekly, the woman writes:
my heart hurts for the families that had to go through what they did but i cannot believe this is what i had laying on my coffee table when i came home. i was packing up the weekly to take on our vacation to snap our family picture holding the paper. yeah... this is what i want my three children holding in a photo.
and later she writes: my visiting friends who are looking to move to pleasanton did not find this very welcoming.
and i think.. poor woman.. she has no idea. these two girls represent the best & bravest of pleasanton. they SHOULD BE CELEBRATED. they are HELPING PLEASANTON to become an even better and safer place for families, parents, children. and i have it in my heart to take that very copy of the pleasanton weekly.. the copy where these two girls are on the cover.. and that is the one i will be MOST PROUD to share with family and friends and to include for "take us along" vacation destination pictures.
this lady feels shame where pride should be; an ignorance these two brave girls have risen above to help spare others -and an ignorance they must continue to rise above for many years to come.
oh! i am so bothered by this letter! -and isn't it ironic that part of me shares her sentiment..
we live here in this beautiful community with so much good going on and all you can slap on the cover of our small town community newspaper is a molestation story,
ALL YOU CAN SLAP ON? -one of the reasons i do not subscribe to or read traditional daily newspapers is because i resent and refuse to pay for sensationalized, glamourized, exploitive, very skewed, bullshit stories
and the pleasanton weekly has somehow ... against some incredible odds... avoided that.
and they are not -ARE NOT- compromising their journalism standards with this story in my opinion. it is a justified cover story which is SAVING LIVES and helping to keep pleasanton the magical, wonderful community it is. and i was so pleased -SO PLEASED-
VERY VERY PLEASED
the photographs were of the strong, heroic, brave girls. the story was about the GIRLS.. their experience, their courage, their goals to help others. and it was titled STRONGER NOW.
the pleasanton weekly DID NOT do what so many other exploitive papers so commonly do, which is to make a celebrity out of the criminal.
THANK YOU PLEASANTON WEEKLY. -let yours be the new standard forever more-
but see here..
i must turn myself in.. because the woman also wrote:
i know you took a lashing after you put the "murder in castlewood" story on your cover a few months back. one would have thought you have realized that this kind of stuff is not what people are looking forward to in our small town community paper.
and i did think the pleasanton weekly made a poor choice there. murder in castlewood read to me like a high school student had written it - a high school student whose only exposure to violence has been via trailers for really bad scary movies. it seemed to beg for attention, with no real understanding or compassion for the cost or scope of the tragedy itself.
but as i do not wish to be judged and abandoned because of my occasional mistakes - i do not do that to others -individuals or organizations-
if it became THE PRACTICE of the pleasanton weekly to exploit and sensationalize.. good bye. but it is not the practice; it is the very rare exception.
but where the woman writes
this kind of stuff
i do not lump the murder in castlewood, and the brave act of these two girls in the same category. not even close.
had the pleasanton weekly turned the criminal into a celebrity -sensationalizing the crime/exploiting the girls/placing his picture on the cover; yes.. i may have stopped reading it all together -lumping the pleasanton weekly in with all the rest
but they did not. they did everything write. a great job. stellar. exemplary.
our entire community -the tri valley and beyond- will benefit for years to come.
to view this as a molestation story -and not as the SHE-ROES OF PLEASANTON story it actually is, shows me that despite ALL THE YEARS OF HARD WORK, SWEAT, SACRIFICE, TEARS AND MORE HARD WORK, CALLS, LETTERS, LOBBYING, VOLUNTEERING, MARCHING.. DESPITE ALL THE BROCHURES, WORKSHOPS, & CLASSES
despite the tremendous efforts of so many people -AGAINST TREMENDOUS OBSTACLES- and over many, many, years: despite the efforts/accomplishments which have:
helped create environments where victims can speak out
helped educate law enforcement to identify/capture criminals and help victims
helped educate children in homes/classrooms to help prevent crimes
which have
created DATA BASES which PROVIDE THE RIGHT FOR US TO KNOW -see-
and track sexual predators
and which have SAVED COUNTLESS LIVES AND PREVENTED COUNTLESS CRIMES
STILL! STILL! IN 2008!
we have a great deal of ignorance; prejudice; stigma and taboo associated with this crime.
please note:
ANY NEGATIVE FEEDBACK TOWARD THESE GIRLS
IS A VICTORY FOR PREDATORS.
any word, any thought, any action which creates ANY disincentive for victims to speak out, contributes to an environment which REWARDS THE CRIMINAL, INCREASES THE CRIME AND PUNISHES INNOCENT VICTIMS
thank you woman with letter to the editor. i know your intention is not to help predators; but that is exactly what you have done. thank you for this painful reminder of the work that must continue.
i am rejuvinated by your words.
~sandra kay, ttgp
sister survivor, activist, volunteer
posted by SHE @ 7:18 PM
5 Comments:
They are heroes (as are you). As long as it stays hidden, the bastards are free to do as they please. I think all sex offenders should have their foreheads branded so they are exposed to the world for what they really are.
8": -appreciate your words of support here, thank you!
it's taken years to accomplish the availability of the databases which provide residents the right to know & track
but clearly this is still not enough.
my dream is for zero tolerance; zero victims
which cannot be achieved without first -getting very real- about the nature/causes of this predatory behavior
i do not know enough TRUTH through research to make claims yet, but spend more time than i'd like considering this topic
my opinion to date, based on my experience as a victim and layman research is this:
there are people whose brains have been highjacked by drugs/alcohol, and who commit crimes while on these drugs.. but who
in the absence of these addictions, drugs/alcohol would not be capable of commiting the same crimes
and then i believe there are also predators who will practice this behavior for all of their lives -that in fact it is part of their innate wiring -
and only prison or death will prevent the behavior from reoccuring
unless neuroscience and society join one day in the future to provide medical alternatives for predatory behaviors which are proven hard-wired
i've learned there are predators who are of value to society in some areas -w/this uncontrollable contrasting behavior they themselves would exterminate from their brains if they could
but i realize all the controversy that suggestion ignites
but to date.. everything i've read points to "once a predator; always a predator"
which means innocent people live in constant threat of repeat offenders unless they are in prison
we live with time bombs everywhere.
and that said, i remain open to reading, hearing and learning about any person, people, research, information that counters my current and admittedly limited knowledge on this subject.
i'm also most interested in learning/studying more about cultures around the world where rape & molestation are nearly non-existent
-which counters the hard-wired theory-
what are they doing write? we need to learn and model from safer, successful societies..
i could go on..
and on..
but stop here and thank you again for candid support and understanding
A resounding AMEN,
Sister, Survivor, activist, volunteer, Great soul...
Keep fightin on... Keep showing us the truth... the reality which we hide from behind our rose coloured glasses...
Keep burning through the night,
You are all Sheroes,
Love and abundant blessings,
Maithri
my3: i described you recently to my children as an angel in the blogosphere
because i am not only elevated and encouraged by comments like this that you take the time to leave for me,
but your comments spread throughout the blogosphere for others
and then of course - your own amazing blogs, your poetry, the life you lead in general
which all deserve encores
llloo, ~s.
Original post 07/17/2008
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