"WROTE A STORY 'BOUT THAT TOO!" (me!) Sandra tvgp
I really get around. Now, by that, I don't mean... Socially. Like my former friend who couldn't grocery shop in 10 different stores without still crossing paths with someone she'd been in bed with.. I really get around... Literature-ly. Like, I can hardly move around in this town without crossing paths with something or someone I've written about. My poor daughter must think I sound like a broken record... We walked into walgreens together.. Song playing overhead was the tallahatchee bridge song.. I start hummin' along and go, "oh yeah.. Leonard has a blog about this song.. I remember writing about this.. 'I solved the mystery!'". And I was telling' her about how I ran into chef Steve ("wrote a story about him winning the peoples choice award..) at cosmos ( wrote a story about a little fantasy I had in cosmos..) and how I know chef Steve from working at ....(wrote a story about..) amelias. And we talked about issues facing teenagers.. And she could hardly mention a topic without my saying.." you know honey... I wrote a piece about exactly that thing..." And then we were listening to the radio on the way home.. Kkiq,"our hometown station" and they mention faith al her will be hosting an event at Tommy t's comedy club.. I'm like.. "I wrote a story about her too..." -6 frickin times this thing refuses to let me type Faith "ALPHER!". -not al her! Anyway.. "wrote about that too! How much frustration this iPad causes..." And it just doesn't matter where we drive or go or what we talk about.. Or who we see... Seems I'm always sayin' the same thing.. Which is why I posted on this very topic today. So that Now, the next time my son or daughter gives me that look, like.. 'I know, I know.. You wrote about that!' I can smile at them and say "and! I wrote about how much I write about too!.." -at least they don't have to worry about me talking them to death, write.
posted by SHE @ 8:55 AM
7 Comments:
Awesome how much you write and how much you remember of what you write, BBF! This kind of thing happens to me, too. The older we get, the more associations and memories we create. We literally can't go anywhere without having some kind of memory attached to stimuli. I'm working on trying to ignore negative associations and bring to mind positive memories, but it's not easy when you've had a trying road. I'm sure you understand.
Wait.. Did Tommy t's get mentioned here? I wrote about Tommy t's for the pleasanton patch when Joey Bragg performed... That article mentions Monica dawn... I wrote about her for creative imagings blog... Did I just mention creative imaging? I wrote about the owners for the patch too..
"amen! And amen!" bbf... -can't go anywhere without having memory attached to stimuli..
And.. It has been my experience that "ignoring" negative associations isnt nearly as successful as proactively creating positive experiences/new memory triggers
Let it be my testimony:
The healing I've accomplished has been the result of God, prayer, laughter, love... Family, friends
And the daily practice of being very on purpose about both recognizing, and creating positive memories.
Negative/traumatic experiences cannot be removed; but they can be dilluted
Pray to be saturated with the holy spirit!
Dilute! Dilute! Dilute!
So trying to dilute and redirect. It's exhausting, as I am sure you know. And just when I thought I had diluted enough, the PTSD stuff came back full force. I feel like I am starting all over. It's hard to stay present, so I am trying to do things that keep me in the positive present. My life now is so different. But it's also hard to write without delving into the past, as you must know. It's healing, but it's remembering, so I try to put on the gratitude while I am doing it. Gratitude is a joyous way for me to cope.
I am so glad for your success, BBF, and all you are doing! You're a real role model. Praying for us both!
BFF.. How many years "post" trauma are you? I do consider my progress and day to day life a success, but I also still experience moments.. Symptoms. Although fleeting now and not overpowering or all consuming as they once were. I'm troubled and fascinated that even after.. It's been 30!! Years nearly...
But I self manage as symptoms occur...
I do not experience returning symptoms as failure in any way on my part to heal..
Rather, feeling very healed... I see the rare and yet ongoing symptoms of PTSD as a sign.. As evidence of just how horrific, terrifying, and debilitating the original trauma was.
No human being is designed with coping skills for the evil we are sometimes required to cope with.
I couldn't do it, wouldn't do it, without a lot of God. Love you my sister survivor friend! Keep up the good fight!
As of this past spring, I'm 7 years out. I thought for some reason that five was the magic number, that everything would just kind of fade like a cheap t-shirt that you can just throw away. It doesn't work like that, does it? As you say, "No human being is designed with coping skills for the evil we are sometimes required to cope with."
BBF, your thoughts and words mean so much. Thank you. It takes angels like you, God, all the positive energies of the universe and more to get over something like this. And to think, we are only two people. If we can be healed, imagine how much love is available that we humans have not even begun to connect with?
I have good news.. Be gentle and patient and kind to yourself. Do not be discouraged. A great deal of healing takes place between the 7th and 10th year post trauma. There will be setbacks, but leaps forward!
I am not alone in considering the 10 year marker a big milestone; a time when you can literally experience your healing... When you start to get a taste again of what your life was like pre-trauma.
Every day, every month, every year healing is taking place although so incrementally it's hard to realize it sometimes..
Continue to manage symptoms as they occur and DILUTE! Those dark memories with an abundant amount of new and positive experiences and memories.
Love you! Proud of you! Xoxoxox
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