THOUGHTS ON PRAYER by [and for] (me!) sandra, tvgp
i'm not baptised, and until the past couple years, never attended church regularly, am not bible literate, BUTi have ALWAYS prayed. talked to God about anything and everything. -and not just when i felt desperate or upset, although i do pray with more passion during crisis
but i say thank you prayers, ask question prayers, help others prayers, and even..
"dear God.. unnoble prayer coming through.." prayers. -and i say it anyway.. share my unnoble thoughts and trust God will filter
but i confess a certain guilt when the prayer is for me.. -when i'm praying for the day-to-day for me and not for the life of near death others.
elizabeth gilbert captured this with such authentic charm in her masterpiece memoir, eat, love, pray.
-and i've just tried to find it to quote directly, but it will take too long, i have so much marked up and highlighted-
in short.. she wants to pray for a more peaceful divorce.. but in the face of war, cancer, poverty, homelessness, aids..
isn't it somewhat selfish and indulgent. does not God have bigger things on his heavely and overflowing plate. it can feel silly; embarrassing. and so she gives her prayer many prefaces and preludes of apology and then is out with it..
and i've done the same. "relative to the many simultaneous crises going on.. dear Lord.. this might lean on the selfish, silly side.. but i need your help..."
and i checked with my sister.. i said, "do you think it's okay.. to ask them at church to pray for me, for an agent and a publisher, given the bigger problems.."
and she said, "ABSOLUTELY YES!" -and i really do feel like i could use any and all the help i can get, so i braved the embarrassing and wrote on the connect card and placed it in the offering plate at church last sunday.
and if i can be so honest.. i rather forgot about it after that in the busy~ness of weekday life.
and then just yesterday, i'm sitting and listening to pastor mike, quite invested in the message, smiling at the beautiful doodles my daughter draws on her pamphlet
whispering thank you prayers out loud with everyone in attendance, when my sister turns her pamphlet over and points at my name with a smile
and tears fell immediately from my face. -at the sight of it. the reality that people might actually be praying for me
and i remember not too long ago.. our friends were listed.. john and azi. john had suffered a heart attack.. then had a rare condition of another sort, and complications post surgery after that. i would not be exaggerating to say everyone was apppropriately bracing for the worse.
like sometimes.. the prayer switches from one for healing.. to one for the strength it will take to handle a loved ones passing
and i'm not sure behind the scenes exactly who or how many people from the church were praying, but guess what
john is home today. out of the wheelchair and walking again on his own.. recovering "miraculously"
and i know there are LOTS of people responsible for his healing.. his wife, 911 dispatchers, paramedics, nurses, physicians, surgeons, physical therapists, family, friends, his own drive and desire
but his wife azi said, "couldn't have done it without the prayers." -and i believe that to be true. and i feel compelled to point out also, that they are not members of centerpointe church. azi is muslim, and i'm not sure about john..
but doesn't matter does it. the prayers, meditations, love come unconditionally.
and that's the part i'm trying to remember myself write now:
unconditionally.
as in, we don't only pray for you on the condition your life is at stake.
i've come to believe the only condition required for them to pray for you is this:
that you dare to ask.
and praying for doesn't always = getting.
-remembering here when i dared to the front after service for group prayer some time ago.. in crisis again over my livlihood...crying.. asking for help.. and then experiencing an unexpected peace
and the job i hoped for at the time never manifested. -but the tension and anxiety lifted and
i've carried on sense without any sense of great loss or suffering
in fact, i can't remember write now, why it felt so crucial at the time.
my favorite thought has come to be, "God redirects us with loving purpose"
so at the same time i'm praying write now, and asking others to pray for me.. to land a literary agent and publisher; for God to shine through my God-given gift for creative non-fiction
i also surrender. accept that if it happens, it's with God's blessings. -and if it doesn't
it's God redirecting and guiding me with loving purpose.
as is being done for all of us, all the time; this i do believe.
"hallelujah! amen! and thank you!" love, ~s.
5 Comments:
I always pray for a miracle.
That pretty much covers everything and also I don't have to worry so much about the results (or about feeling selfish about my pre-determined idea of what should happen).
Also, like you, I work like hell and try to be aware of and act upon any small scrap of coincidence or piece of luck that comes my way.
I love and totally believe in the power of prayer and especially the power of lots of people praying for the same thing.
I have many, many people on my morning and nightly prayer lists, and it's always the same prayer--Dear God, please send a miracle to....
Praying for a miracle!
miracle mom: that's beautiful! and a common denominator between some of the world's great sages
letting go
praying -and then letting go of the result
seen in testimony after testimony in your book
seen again, in the borrowed quote found on elizabeth gilberts website:
cast out your will, then cut the line
or the section in martha beck's steering by starlight book, pg 145 hardcover:
mystical miraculous magical mapmaking spell:
THANKS. I QUIT.
"i quit." is an acknowledgment that you aren't trying to force your destiny to occur, any more than you force your lungs to breathe. it's not a statement of defeat but of trust..
which ultimately is the same, i believe, as the prayer
"may God's will be done"
"to prayers, miracles & letting go!"
amen! love, ~s.
Beautiful post, Sandra! I am elated to read about your prayer experiences, passion for it, and awareness that it really is something almost magical and life-altering.
I am reading "Too Busy Not to Pray" by Bill Hybels with my highschoolers, and through our discussions over it, it is amazing to hear their REAL thoughts, insecurities, and even fears of praying.
Probably the number one thing expressed that keeps them from praying (outside of "forgetting") is that they feel guilty asking for small things, for things for themselves that they feel guilty for wanting or needing, etc.
I personally believe in Jesus Christ as God in the Trinity, who became every bit a man while remaining God, and gave His life for us. If he did that, if he worried about feeing the 5,000 and even created wine out of water for a wedding reception in Cana, then surely he cares for us - completely.
As you said, unconditionally. He wants you to pray for everything! Selfish, stupid, and silly - or big, self-less, and serious. Everything, without exclusion, much in the same way He desires to be in a relationship with EVERYONE!
I think there is a shameful amount of condemnation given out by many churches despite the fact that Jesus's life would never suggest this (just look at how he treated the adulteress who the jews and pharisees wanted to stone... or the woman at the well who "had had many men"). It saddens me deeply.
Yet, through all things God works for the good of those who love him. (Romans 8:28) He wants ALL of us to pray - to ask (Matthew 7:7)- and he often works through prayer not so much to answer us in the way we want, but in the way we need and which is best for us. As you put it, "God redirects us with loving purpose." Far beyond what we can conceive of! (Habakkuk 1:5)
Not to vomit bible speak on here, haha, but I think it's neat that we can really find truth and depth, a speaking to our heart from the Bible. Especially with such eloquence!
As it says in Philippians 4:6 in the New Living Translation, "Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done."
I think it sums up poetically a lot of the sentiments you express herein. I praise God for His work in and through you, and FOR you! :)
xoxoxox
MBH ;)
mbh: -beautiful, everything you say here
i got that message early on, but can't identify the source
that God invites us and wants us to talk about anything/everything..
and i confess i probably communicate to God in prayer more than i communicate to my family/friends in conversation
and i'm most grateful for the passage you share here:
in Philippians 4:6 in the New Living Translation, "Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done."
"hallelujah & amen!" love, ~s.
;)
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