SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

THOUGHTS ON PRAYER by [and for] (me!) sandra, tvgp

i'm not baptised, and until the past couple years, never attended church regularly, am not bible literate, BUT


i have ALWAYS prayed. talked to God about anything and everything. -and not just when i felt desperate or upset, although i do pray with more passion during crisis

but i say thank you prayers, ask question prayers, help others prayers, and even..



"dear God.. unnoble prayer coming through.." prayers. -and i say it anyway.. share my unnoble thoughts and trust God will filter


but i confess a certain guilt when the prayer is for me.. -when i'm praying for the day-to-day for me and not for the life of near death others.


elizabeth gilbert captured this with such authentic charm in her masterpiece memoir, eat, love, pray.



-and i've just tried to find it to quote directly, but it will take too long, i have so much marked up and highlighted-


in short.. she wants to pray for a more peaceful divorce.. but in the face of war, cancer, poverty, homelessness, aids..


isn't it somewhat selfish and indulgent. does not God have bigger things on his heavely and overflowing plate. it can feel silly; embarrassing. and so she gives her prayer many prefaces and preludes of apology and then is out with it..



and i've done the same. "relative to the many simultaneous crises going on.. dear Lord.. this might lean on the selfish, silly side.. but i need your help..."



and i checked with my sister.. i said, "do you think it's okay.. to ask them at church to pray for me, for an agent and a publisher, given the bigger problems.."


and she said, "ABSOLUTELY YES!" -and i really do feel like i could use any and all the help i can get, so i braved the embarrassing and wrote on the connect card and placed it in the offering plate at church last sunday.


and if i can be so honest.. i rather forgot about it after that in the busy~ness of weekday life.


and then just yesterday, i'm sitting and listening to pastor mike, quite invested in the message, smiling at the beautiful doodles my daughter draws on her pamphlet





whispering thank you prayers out loud with everyone in attendance, when my sister turns her pamphlet over and points at my name with a smile


and tears fell immediately from my face. -at the sight of it. the reality that people might actually be praying for me



and i remember not too long ago.. our friends were listed.. john and azi. john had suffered a heart attack.. then had a rare condition of another sort, and complications post surgery after that. i would not be exaggerating to say everyone was apppropriately bracing for the worse.

like sometimes.. the prayer switches from one for healing.. to one for the strength it will take to handle a loved ones passing


and i'm not sure behind the scenes exactly who or how many people from the church were praying, but guess what


john is home today. out of the wheelchair and walking again on his own.. recovering "miraculously"


and i know there are LOTS of people responsible for his healing.. his wife, 911 dispatchers, paramedics, nurses, physicians, surgeons, physical therapists, family, friends, his own drive and desire


but his wife azi said, "couldn't have done it without the prayers." -and i believe that to be true. and i feel compelled to point out also, that they are not members of centerpointe church. azi is muslim, and i'm not sure about john..


but doesn't matter does it. the prayers, meditations, love come unconditionally.


and that's the part i'm trying to remember myself write now:

unconditionally.


as in, we don't only pray for you on the condition your life is at stake.


i've come to believe the only condition required for them to pray for you is this:


that you dare to ask.


and praying for doesn't always = getting.

-remembering here when i dared to the front after service for group prayer some time ago.. in crisis again over my livlihood...crying.. asking for help.. and then experiencing an unexpected peace

and the job i hoped for at the time never manifested. -but the tension and anxiety lifted and

i've carried on sense without any sense of great loss or suffering


in fact, i can't remember write now, why it felt so crucial at the time.


my favorite thought has come to be, "God redirects us with loving purpose"


so at the same time i'm praying write now, and asking others to pray for me.. to land a literary agent and publisher; for God to shine through my God-given gift for creative non-fiction


i also surrender. accept that if it happens, it's with God's blessings. -and if it doesn't


it's God redirecting and guiding me with loving purpose.



as is being done for all of us, all the time; this i do believe.



"hallelujah! amen! and thank you!" love, ~s.

posted by SHE @ 8:11 AM