Anniversaries of Traumatic Events re-processed by (me!) ~tops
common knowledge: anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, miscellaneous milestone events -all and more of these, shift the algorithm of our conscious memories, and the traumatic event gets temporarily placed back on top
the anniversary of cynthia's murder is near.
it is entirely unclear to me; i have no understanding of how/why the court/law/(lack of )justice system works (or rather fails to work) -as it does.
all we know is this -ryan
and i am enormously grateful he is behind bars; that at least has allowed us to move forward minus an ominous ongoing fear of when/where he might show up..
so, ryan IS behind bars
and, but.. in the past two years now, we have received email communications that essentially share, ryan has a court date.. we can go if we want to; -we never want to
ryan does not enter a plea -he apparently is not mandated to enter a plea, and thus far, we don't know whether there is a cap, a time limit? -how many times can he just not enter a plea and go back to county jail vs. state prison
in the past two years, email communications share that for one reason or another, they've had to change and reassign prosecuting attorneys -so, very sensitive information, gets transferred from one attorney to another, and to me there is something really yucky about that.. this re-starting all over with someone new.. re-telling, re-explaining,
within the past year, via email communications, we learned ryan was charged with violently injuring another inmate (surprise?) -and then something about how this had to been handled by yet a different attorney, which conflicted with something else,
and so i am grateful i learned from the very beginning, that this process could take anywhere from four to five years. i just don't understand why it all takes so long.
***
i remember as the anniversary of cynthia's murder approaches.. the noble friends; seen in the picture above. and, we did old-fashioned, cut and paste a couple friends in, and retake the picture, because a couple of the friends who helped, were not present when the picture was taken. but, the majority of the men in the picture are deputies/retired deputies; the good ones. the noble ones. it is a content of character picture. -in the aftermath of cynthia's murder, they all showed up and helped with
all that the crisis demands
it is my go-to scripture: Ephesians 6:13
and this crisis demanded that cynthia's apartment was cleaned out; and they helped us. with love, support, prayers and muscle power, time, energy, trucks, cars, they helped organize, box up and move all her belongings, and in the after... visits, calls, loyal, reliable support. "thank you!"
the crisis demanded so many phone calls, letters, emails, paperwork... paperwork... paperwork... appearances at the hospital, at the police department, at the coroners, at the school where cynthia was a very loved and devoted teacher
the crisis demanded the family gather, and decide who would get what, and what would get thrown away, and what would get donated -and may i say here, there was exclusively love and agreement; there was zero argument/debate between any of these traumatized siblings -exemplary!
the crisis demanded decisions about donating cynthia's salvageable body parts to help fellow humans..
the crisis demanded a cremation, and a memorial
the crisis demanded endless work and ceaseless prayer
and we continue, dressed in God's armor -having done all the crisis did demand
to stand firm in our place. -waiting with love and patience; faith and hope
and,
early, early, on.. Robert and I agreed, -evil has already claimed enough territory. We consciously decided not to let the enemy claim any more territory than he already has
we have been and remain on the same spiritual page, so to speak,
-if we were to, say.. drink our way out of the pain... drug our way out of the pain.... eat our way out of the pain... constantly re-live, re-talk about and stay angry... stay depressed.... hide under the covers... curse the whole world.. seek revenge...
any of that would equal the enemy gaining even more territory
but, to move on in life... to remain in prayer, and live with peace, happiness, joy, loving and serving others
this is giving God the territory! this is a true fight of faith! this is the very definition of spiritual warfare and we are determined to remain victorious!
our peace, happiness, love... it is not pretend. it is not phony. it is not oppressed or repressed memories.
we have a strong and established relationship with Jesus, the prince of peace!
and we have; we are directly experiencing "the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding"
Phillippians 4:7.
in Jesus trustworthy and holy name -in Cynthia's honor, with enormous love -amen.
posted by SANDRA HARRISON KAY @ 10:35 AM
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