Garden Parenting by (me!) ~writeousmom
no official research here.. just kind of remembering via a half dozen conversations over the years, here and there, labels/vocabulary which help us describe types of parenting
most famous, probably "tiger mom" and there is, "helicopter" -the hovering parent. and i've seen/read labels/vocabulary like, elephant parenting, dolphin parenting, attachment parenting, free range parenting.. and i'm sure there are several more
i have always described myself as a "cheerleader" mom. i observed my children's innate likes/dislikes, interests, patterns of behavior, let those observations/assessments dictate where i poured my time, attention, energy.. and always supported, encouraged, allowed each of them to pursue their natural interests
/and yes, i did over-inflict my own interests (art, theater..) and drag them unwillingly to a number of shows, performances... their facial expressions in pictures at said events pretty much tell the story.
but, yes, "you want to play baseball? write on! that's great, you're great..." "you want to do gymnastics? write on! that's great, you're great..."
/and there was the time, i accidentally sucked the initial joy of swimming out of my daughter by over-encouraging to the point of... much unwanted pressure...
who gets parenting perfect? i know no one... but, i really want to change how i describe myself as a parent
away from "cheerleader mom" -although i do sing, dance, support, encourage; and if they change their mind, i just sing a new song, dance a new dance.. and quickly pour the same enthusiasm into their new found interest
but really, more accurately, i would self-describe as a garden mom. i say this because, with gardeners and plants, trees, flowers, bugs, fertilizers.. on and on
well,
with all of the above mentioned parenting styles, it suggests parents have one way of parenting all of their children. -don't see often (ever?) i'm a tiger mom for this child, an attachment mom for that child..
but gardeners.. the good ones.. they observe the plant/flower/tree and determine it's needs and respond accordingly vs. having one way and insisting that way/method on every plant
i have already written, "sun is to plants as attention is to humans" -some plants require full sun, some require morning sun, late afternoon shade..
it makes me think of "stage moms" who have a reputation for forcing their children into stardom, like it or not
-gardening parents would first assess whether or not their child lights up on stage; lights up when a camera is near, and then plan accordingly
gardening moms do not judge the same way other moms do.. "so n so, always has to be the center of attention" said with a negative tone, -becomes with a gardening mom,
this child needs to be the center of attention -with the same insight a gardener explains, "this plant needs 4 hours of sun a day, and then shade.." "this plant needs lots of water.. this plant is drought tolerant" gardeners are rarely judging plants; they are consistently observing/honoring
i am personally convinced all of humanity would be better off if we approached raising children more like gardeners, and assessed our beautiful offspring, as if they were plants, flowers or trees
you don't tell a plant whether it is an annual or perennial; or hybrid.. the plant tells you.
you don't tell a plant "be drought tolerant!" it is, or isnt..
you don't tell a tree to be deciduous; it is or isnt.. and if it is, you don't panic when it loses it leaves..
plants arrive with certain sensitivities, needs, patterns, or lack thereof..
and those sensitivities, needs, or lack thereof, can, or can not, change with seasons, temperature, time, surrounding conditions, location...
and yes, yes.. of course.. there are exceptions; there are hybridizers; there is grafting; there are new combinations with the goal of making plant life hardier, more beautiful, more fruitful
the best gardeners are always observing/adjusting.. looking to see if the plant is thriving; always the goal.. or noticing if they need to water less; water more... add nutrients to the soil.. prune... relocate.. de-bug..
and i think its a great way to approach not only parenting, but marriage, friendship, co-worker relationships
-learning and assessing the other persons wants/needs and acting accordingly -removing 'judgement' or strict adherence to one way of parenting and recognizing/honoring innate and unique gifts/talents/wants/needs/interests the children present.
my children are young grown adults now, and both independently thriving. i give thanks to God, and their dad, and my parents/family/friends.. their teachers and friends; everyone pouring into their lives
and i continue to observe.. and marvel... and adjust... to having them be adults now..
it's a new season for all of us..
due season for all of us..
and Matthew 13 also comes to my heart and mind. in Jesus name, amen.
posted by SANDRA HARRISON KAY @ 6:58 PM
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