Saturday, April 22, 2017

"because i can!!" (me!) sandra, tvgp

analogy:   you can use your hand/arm.  -then you break your hand/arm..   and you cannot use it, until it heals.   this is much  -much- easier to see/understand, than spiritual/mental/emotional parallels


you can control your mind    -and then it breaks.   and you cannot control it again until it heals.


when you have PTSD it is equivalent to having a broken brain for a while.  So, during that time, even if I wanted to

I could not override certain thoughts.  I could not CHOOSE what I wanted to think about, and then think about it    -whatever muscle or neuron or synapse in the brain allows us to do that; it was OUT OF ORDER

but I can now!   and so I'm going to.    exactly "because I can!"   I can change the channels in my mind at will

oh what a very beautiful thing!   and so I'm CHOOSING not to think about past traumatic memories for a few days or so

and instead

     -YOU know one of the most important days of the year for paparazzi....    The Oscars.

and one of the most important days of the year for mama~razzi's:    Jr Prom's & Senior Balls!   What a great time,

what a blessing to have a handsome son, and a camera fully charged...  so excited!



you know, a flirt has always lived inside me.   always.   and while the flirt has always lived there, the cultures ive lived and worked in   -those climates have changed dramatically over the years

and, in some places, it is way too cold and hostile to go outside, if you know what I mean

mostly, she stays in doors

and  -these days! especially..     one false, light-hearted, move and  you're written up, or fired



here's what I didn't say to alex.    -because

well, alex, you know, he is the super hard working, ultra knowledgeable one at alden lane.  lots of responsibilities   -I say he does the job of least 3 people, but anyway..

every once in a while, I think..  God, i'd love to make him laugh or smile.    and so, yesterday

he was wearing this..  I don't know.. light teal colored shirt, over his alden lane t-shirt.  collar, long sleeve; looked nice.. and with his beard, which also looks nice.. anyway

I say..

and i'm confident I wouldn't get fired for this, because all I said was:   that shirt looks nice on you.

   -the end. 


and he said thanks..       

then, I don't know  -say an hour later or so,  when he passes back by, he has by this time, removed the teal long sleeve shirt, and only has on the alden lane t-shirt

I said,

oh, no.. Jesus  tame my tongue!  tame my tongue!     -because in the worst way, I wanted to say..   if I compliment that t-shirt will you take it off for me too...      how bout if I compliment those shoes..

I wanna see how this works...

In Jesus knows I'm innocent's name...   amen!


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