Friday, July 01, 2016


I love being 50.  I love what I can see!  I love who I can help.   And I sure do Love Jesus.


1. aftermath is key because we are talking about a mistake which has already happened and cannot be undone.

2. prevalent is key, because this particular mistake is, in our current culture, more wide-spread than ever.

3. mistake is key, because thats what it is; there is no dancing around it:  it was a mistake...

... wHeN YoU draNk TOO MUCH at the ParTy and HAd S-EX wiTh:

       Insert Variable Here: (your boss; your neighbors spouse; your partners best friend; your groomsman cousin; your married professor; ...   someone, or two or three; but you cant even remember their name(s)...)


I can only advise here from a Christian Spiritual Perspective; but important to note this prevalent mistake shows no bias to gender, nationality, orientation, financial status, IQ level or faith-system..   

START HERE:  Shine The Light.    -now, of course I do not mean Shine The Light in a "hey, everyone! look what I did!" kind of way..   I mean,  -bring your mistake out in the open to someone.  

In Christian speak: the devil/enemy loves when people make mistakes, but really loves when people drown in guilt, self-loathing, secrets, shame.   -anything/everything of that self-hatred/condemnation nature..     And I have certainly come to realize; to know, in fact


so do acknowledge, - be accountable to yourself, and share your mistake with someone. and by the way, sharing your mistake with someone who loves you and is compassionate, understanding and forgiving is a better choice than sharing your mistake with someone who will rub your face in it, and gossip about it and share a video about it that they hope will go viral.  So, my advice is to start in prayer with Jesus, and then any family/friends/counselors Jesus has blessed you with..   

and you can always call (me!).

it is my experience that our God does respond quite directly to sincere repentance with immediate forgiveness.  And! the result of that immediate forgiveness combined with self-forgiveness is freedom from the guilt-spiral; inner peace, and confidence moving forward..

and now, the devil just loathes things like sincerity; forgiveness and ...  inner peace!?!   -so, know in advance, you will encounter a series of what I call "tester" people.. and they will bring up your mistake; gossip about your mistake; make every effort to magnify your mistake..  -the devil will work through them to try and bring you back to guilt/shame/condemnation/self-loathing

and it is your job to tune back into God; know you are forgiven, loved; allowed to move forward in peace.   -so pass the testers by ignoring them..   wishing them well..  and knowing they too will make mistakes..    

in fact, everyone, without exception, takes turns making big mistakes.

The devil would love if you continued to make mistakes; and loves even more, when you make the same mistake over and over and over again..

it is my experience, that the people who do not repent; who do not evaluate their mistakes; and bring them out into the light..

the people who self-loath.. or allow the condemnation of others to eat away at their self-esteem..  -these are the people who make the same mistake again and again..

The good news here.. and Jesus is all about GOOD NEWS..   -the good news is, that with Jesus you never FAIL entirely.. but you do get to take the same test over and over again, until you pass.  /thank here Joyce Meyers for the vocabulary.

NOW  -if you are single, and the other person(s) single, and you had sex under the influence of mass media/alcohol/environment/music/close encounters..  manipulation/seduction..   somehow, that is easier to recover from than when your mistake includes infidelity/betrayal to others.

infidelity/betrayal adds layers to what you are acknowledging/repenting for...    Adds on to your responsibility to repent to Jesus, - the responsibility to apologize to those you hurt/betrayed.

My advice, is not to enter into any of these conversations without Jesus; without the prerequisite of prayer.   -Because hurting others  -unintentionally or not; involves just that:


   infidelity/betrayal pulls the carpet out from underneath TRUST.

now, if you cant trust you
and they cant trust you; and you cant trust them
who can be trusted?

the devil loves to take this mistake and make people suspicious of others for-ever!   -next relationship, a little suspicion creeps in..   and if one person is separated from another and attending anything from a work conference, to a family reunion, or birthday bash, and the other is going here or there

and when you factor in your own mistake, and factor in just how prevalent it is...     


so:  two spiritually evolved people, who have any hope for a monogamous, loving, trusting relationship, should really have this conversation:

"did you ever make that mistake?"   and then, "is it a test you will be taking over and over again, or have you passed?"

and you know you have passed this test when

you made the mistake
you admitted and repented; have been forgiven and forgave yourself.
you evaluated the factors that contributed:  flesh, ego, alcohol, insecurity, need for attention, mass media, drugs, the music, the close dancing, the excitement, the quest.. you were seduced..   whatever..
you apologized to those you hurt/betrayed

you sit with it for a while.  not in condemnation, but in conviction:  you reverse the situation:  how would I feel if..  someone had sex with MY boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse..

and then you actively AVOID putting yourself in situations/environments/company that would make you vulnerable to repeating the mistake

and if you apply all those things, it is my experience and witness; that you will achieve inner peace

can walk tall in the love and forgiveness and grace of Jesus

you will be able to trust yourself and others in future relationships

and the whole thing will yield from you a more compassionate and helpful heart when you see others who mistakenly trip, in the same place you


and rose again.   that is what happens when you fight the devil and Jesus WINS!


the caveat here, is to know in advance, when you hurt someone else, and you are accountable and apologize

those are the only things which are in your control to do.

you have no control over whether or not you are forgiven by the people you hurt.

Jesus already forgave you..   but

people aren't Jesus.     Whether or not that person, or those people ACCEPT your APOLOGY

is entirely their own spiritual test

to take and pass..

or take and take and take until they do...

but the choice is not between forgiveness or unforgiveness

the choice is between living bitter/angry/untrusting

or in peace with joy and trust.

the next caveat:  forgiveness does not always = reunited relationship.  relationships can be terminated and forgiveness real:  "i do forgive you but still divorce/break up, etc."

the analogy that comes again to mind is:  the pilot who gets a DUI.   -the pilot may be forgiven for drinking/driving; but his or her privilege of the responsibility of flying people across the sky is permanently removed.  you are fired if you are a pilot and get a DUI.  -FORGIVEN yes, but still fired, and must seek a new job

if you are a banker who steals money...   you will be fired.  Forgiven, but fired..  you must seek a new job

  -the same with infidelity..  you can be forgiven; but you can also be fired, and must find a new mate

responsibility of lives in an airplane; responsibility of others finances; and the responsibility of a person's heart..

should all be taken quite seriously; and not taken for granted.

the last caveat:  if you choose to forgive and reunite; make sure your forgiveness is deeply rooted in authenticity and put into practice.   if you continue on in a relationship battling suspicions, drowning in jealousy, re-living the betrayal in every argument that surfaces..

you would be better off breaking-up.


In Jesus already knows..   immediately forgives...   and uses mistakes to teach us how to love name

hallelujah! & amen! 



p.s.   accountability = being real with our vocabularies:  slept?   /I say with a smile..   

although there is a spiritual context to which this can be applied:   sleeping vs. awake & aware..

lost & found.


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