SHEsaysWITHaSMILE.blogspot.com

the first time

and then, an earth angel lady sitting in the chair to my left.. with a hat, scarf.. who paid me such a kind compliment, by asking me to read more -THANK YOU!-

my confession is this.. STILL.. to this day.. with something as innocent, low-key, hometown, family/friends comfortable as a reading at towne center books -i spent my morning sick. couldn't eat. couldn't drink. anxious stomach. -kills me that this continues as a battle in my life. silly. stupid. frustrating. but even though i know that's true, the physical experience remains.. coexist. coexist. coexist with your nerves

and it could have been a book release party where i didn't do a formal read, and people just dropped in for a visit open house style; judy even offered

but i wanted to read out loud. i wanted to share at least one story i'd written.. wanted to share at least a little something about the nature of this self-published book

and here is another idiosyncratic confession.. when i read at home.. practice at home.. it is not out loud. i read silently. in my mind only. -sometimes with a barely audible whisper.

so i really don't hear my own voice until i'm reading in front of people.

and get choked up here.. because immediatlely i hear tori amos singing,

" i hear my voice. i hear my voice. and it's been silent all these years. silent









once i get started, i enjoy it. and i prefer sitting to standing. do better sitting. and personally, i think it's funny -i can find humor in the fact that my nerves are always re-directing themselves somewhere

on this occasion, my knees and voice were under control, but my hands were very shakey. for as long as i didn't need to turn the page, i was in good shape, but lifting my hands to turn the page was a struggle. coexist. coexist.

- and this reminding me of my experience at the bankhead.. greatest variety of nerve redirection i've ever experienced. if voice/knees/hands were under control, then i had a preoccupying cough.. if not a cough, a severly dry mouth, if not a cough/dry mouth, then an upset stomach

much like a long lost love; the feelings never entirely go away, they just shift around and change intensity

but i did it. i read out loud, i enjoyed myself tremendously, i'm so grateful for the presence of every family member, friend, kind listener. and i'll be looking for opportunities to read more

(SAVE THE DATE: JULY 4TH AT THE VETERANS HOSPITAL LIVERMORE)

and more thanks to GITA and everyone at AMELIA'S.. for the great lunch (and breakfast!) food and service saturday afternoon for the post party celebration

and even more thanks to SUE~SUE, CHRISTINE, ZACH

for driving! for our mini-roadtrip to berkeley saturday evening to see KEN FARKASH, his faithful, sweet dog, JACQUES, and -the dinosaur we know, love and miss having here in pleasanton: RUNNA JUMPA SAURUS REX









such a great gallery show at the beautiful/artsy, two mile winery. -wonderful, original sculptures/paintings, great people, fantastic environment/experience, delicious wines











all this in one otherwise ordinary saturday in may 2009.

THEN

woke up to enjoy an usually wonderful sunday too. back to back good times:

church, which i've come to not only appreciate, but need -then lunch with my sister, niece and nephew

then a happy birthday lunch with and for debra knox at a wonderful greek restaurant in livermore, demitris traverna -and great pleasure meeting her talented son, john, the love of her life, mike.. a group of long time, fun, creative friends: writers, film makers, graphic designers, hobby-cartoonist, musicians, moms/dads -cool, real, people







and loved how debra went around the table and celebrated each friendship, with kind words for each person

and i tuck in another personal thank you to God.. for such a great weekend. for how lucky/blessed i am to count among my friends/family so many rare, wonderful, kind, talented, generous, creative, supportive people

to count among my life experiences this beautiful event-filled memorial day weekend.

almost forgot..

owe myself a sexy devil chocolatini from pastas today for not chickening out.

"cheers all around!" and "thank you!" love, ~s.

HEY WAIT! -weekend's not over yet..

we still have MONDAY!

and how extra special to visit with my mom,

and her brother, my uncle dave! -and toast

with family, "to family!"

~ chocolatinis all around ~

THANKS MOM! -great seeing you uncle dave! i love you! look forward to receiving your poetry and stories! give all the family hugs/kisses from me ~s.